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[0:06] Robert Peterpaul: Hello, beautiful people. Welcome to the Art of Kindness, where we have compassionate conversations with artists from all areas of the entertainment industry who are using their voice to spread joy and make this big spinning planet in the universe a better place to be.

[0:22] Robert Peterpaul: I'm Robert Peterpaul, and I'm so glad you're here.

[0:42] Robert Peterpaul: Hello, friends, and happy holidays. I hope they're merry and bright. I also understand this time of year is very complex. Many emotions are woven into the tapestry of the holiday season. With that in mind, I intend to do something a little different with this episode, and as you may have gathered from the episode title, give you some holiday kindness tips that you can then carry into the new year.

[1:08] Robert Peterpaul: To do this, I have the help of a very special friend from a foundation I truly admire. I'm talking about Lady Gaga's Born This Way Foundation. Baby, I was born this way. I'm Carolyn Gaga Style this year. The Born This Way Foundation is a nonprofit organization that was founded in 2012 by Lady Gaga and her wonderful mother, Cynthia Bissett Germanotta, to support youth mental health and work with young people to build a kinder and braver world. They make kindness cool. It's cool to be kind. And you know who else I think is cool? My fellow musical theater nerd, the magnificent Mariah Karis.

[1:50] Robert Peterpaul: Mariah Karis is a program associate for Born This Way Foundation, where she helps assist with Channel Kindness, Please Stay, and other programs. Previously, Mariah worked for Missoula Children's Theatre, traveling and teaching over 3,000 youth around the world a musical theater production in just one week. A recent University of Montana graduate in journalism and entertainment management, Mariah is passionate about the arts, female entrepreneurship, and creating a world where kindness and mental health awareness are at the heart of everything. I loved our conversation. It was such a joy to get to know Mariah a bit and learn more about the wonderful work that she's doing with so many others at the Born This Way Foundation. I hope this episode brings you some comfort and joy, dear listener. Now, without further ado, cozy up with a mug of hot cocoa and enjoy some holiday kindness tips from Mariah Karis and I.

[3:17] Mariah Karis: Every time, or an appointment, they're like, I thought you were gonna say Mariah Carey, and I'm like, surprise, wouldn't that be fun?

[3:24] Mariah Karis: Yeah, no, Karis. Well, all I wanted for Christmas was to talk to you about kindness, and that is coming true, which is so wonderful. I am really honored to have you here today. I so admire you and your work with the Born This Way Foundation, and I just thank you for being here, first of all.

[3:41] Mariah Karis: Thank you so much for having me. It is an honor to be here and be among the roster of amazing guests that you have on this podcast.

[3:47] Robert Peterpaul: Oh, you're so kind. We've been very lucky. Lots of really wonderful people, and there's such humanity. So that's kind of the cool thing to talk to these people we maybe put on pedestals and then see that at the end of the day, they sort of want the same things for the world, hopefully, that we all want, which is wonderful. And you know, looking at that, the first question I always ask folks is what does kindness mean to you? So I would love your definition of kindness to get rocking and rolling, Mariah.

[4:17] Mariah Karis: So to be very honest with you, I've been thinking about this question like nonstop the last few days. It's exciting. Because we work with, you know, the idea of kindness every day at Born This Way Foundation, but I never really think about how do I define kindness. I would say I think kindness is to me like the little moments. I think it is meeting someone where they're at, and kind of giving the gift of being present, and kind of just truly listening and truly being there for them, whether that's actually seeing how they are and not just, you know, saying, How are you? Good, thanks, bye. But actually, you know, checking in and being there. I think it's the little things.

[5:05] Robert Peterpaul: I love that. I think you're spot on with that. You know, the word present is so wonderful because it's present and it's also present. You know, it's a gift, it's literally a gift. And I think just to hold space with somebody is such an important and undervalued thing in our society with social media. Everybody has a voice, which is wonderful, but then there's the opposite end of, you know, everybody always wants to maybe have the microphone and talk as I literally talk into a microphone right now. But there sort of isn't as much value placed on just sitting with someone and not maybe having a solution, but just being there with them. So I really love that you said that because a little moment of just sitting on a couch with somebody can actually change their entire world, you know?

[5:49] Mariah Karis: Absolutely. And I think in, you know, this day and age, you know, phones are so important, right? We do so much on our phones. But the gift of like putting your phone down and just like having a moment with someone where like nothing else matters right now. Like you matter, I'm gonna listen to you. I'm gonna check in with you. Like I think that is just the biggest gift.

[6:09] Robert Peterpaul: I think so too. Should we do it to you matter to me from Waitress? Because I hear you're a musical theater nerd over here.

[6:15] Mariah Karis: Oh my gosh. It's like my soul. I was actually listening to Adina Menzel live, her singing Define Gravity in her like purple dress a few years ago. So I am very much a musical theater nerd.

[6:28] Robert Peterpaul: Yes. That makes me so happy. I clearly am one as well. I mean, I might as well wear a t-shirt that says I love musical theater. So, you know, before we get into all the glory that is Born This Way, I did want to kind of pick your brain about your background and just geek out for a bit because I know you worked in youth theater, and yes, I just wonder looking back now, what do you think that kind of adds to what you're doing? You know, I think musical theater people, theater people in general have such valuable skills to apply to other career sets, and a lot of the times we do have to apply them to other career sets because it's so hard to break through this industry. So yeah, I would love to know what you think those skills are for you.

[7:06] Mariah Karis: Yeah. So I have always loved theater, but I never really knew it was kind of for me until middle school. I was in a basketball accident and kind of happened upon theater. And I kind of started working with youth really early on. And there was something about like the really pure joy that young people have, whether they're in middle school or high school or early college, they just are so passionate and so authentic. And I just kind of fell in love with working with young people. And so when I was in my early 20s, I got to work with Missoula Children's Theater and travel around the country teaching a musical in a week to about 60 kids. And Missoula Children's Theater was oftentimes like the only performing arts that a lot of these kids had for the year.

And so it was so eye-opening to just see their passion and their ability to be so grateful for just a couple hours of rehearsal. And I think it made me just fall in love with the idea of storytelling in the different mediums that it can have. And so I never really knew that I was gonna go into nonprofit work, but the kind of idea of storytelling and the love for storytelling, I think has always been there. And so it kind of happened where I took the ability to work with young people in a musical theater setting and kind of was lucky enough to kind of weave it into nonprofit work and my work with Born This Way Foundation. And so now I get to help young people tell their stories and feel more comfortable sharing what their lives have been like and their struggles and what they're going through.

And so it's a little serendipitous and a little full circle, but I just feel really lucky to kind of have that circle effect and to be working with kids again and young people. It's really incredible.

[9:09] Robert Peterpaul: That's so cool. I'm very curious actually about one of the first things you do, maybe when you sit down with someone who's a little apprehensive or nervous to share their story. Do you have any, I guess, little tricks of the trade you do or things to make people more comfortable?

[9:23] Mariah Karis: I fully realize also the last question I asked you was a real interview question. It was like a job interview question. I'm like, what skill sets do you have that applies to?

[9:30] Mariah Karis: I know. But I love that. I'm glad. But now, you know, now with the Born This Way Foundation, as you're getting people to share their stories. I think sharing stories is just a great thing to do, whether you work for a foundation, have a podcast, or you're just meeting someone at a coffee shop. So I guess, yeah, what's your advice for making people comfortable enough to really open up?

[9:49] Mariah Karis: I think it really goes back to the idea of being present with someone and really just kind of letting them know that like I'm truly listening to you. I'm truly sitting here and asking you like, what do you want to say? Like, how are you feeling? What are you apprehensive about? What are you excited about? I think asking questions is a really good place to start. Because I just think young people, whether you're 12 or 24, they know kind of that there are stories there. They just need to kind of be asked enough to bridge the surface, if that makes sense.

[10:28] Robert Peterpaul: Yeah, definitely. It reminds me of my grandma who I say this on here often. So I apologize, listeners, but I think it's wonderful, would always have a little kindness cue card, I call it when whenever we would meet, she would have a list of questions to ask me about school, about going to see a show. There'd always be like a little piece of paper that would fall out of her bag or be in her car. And I thought it was so funny. I'm like, she has notes on us hanging out. And over the years, I so appreciated it because it is the kindness of curiosity that you're hitting on right now.

[10:56] Mariah Karis: I love that. I want a cue card now. Like that's such a good idea.

[11:00] Robert Peterpaul: Let's do it. Let's copy my nanny. I mean, I have one here for you. I have so many questions. And I think to start at the very beginning to keep this on theme with our love for musicals.

[11:09] Mariah Karis: Yes.

[11:09] Robert Peterpaul: I would love to know how you found your way to the Born This Way Foundation.

[11:14] Mariah Karis: Yes. I just now the musical theater is like in my head.

[11:17] Robert Peterpaul: Okay.

[11:18] Mariah Karis: At the very beginning, let's do it. No, it's good. This is actually the perfect podcast because someone has the same brain as me. They're like, and squirrel, music theater.

[11:25] Robert Peterpaul: Yeah, no, seriously. It's gonna happen quite often, everybody. So maybe make it some kind of I won't say drinking game, but every time you hear us do that, you know, just give someone a smile on the street.

[11:35] Mariah Karis: There you go.

[11:36] Mariah Karis: Oh, perfect. Like a kindness game.

[11:38] Robert Peterpaul: Yeah.

[11:39] Mariah Karis: Let's see. So I was lucky enough to start as an intern with Born This Way Foundation a few years ago. And I hadn't heard that much about Born This Way Foundation when I originally found them. And I was really shocked because I obviously really love Lady Gaga and I love all the work she does. And I was really, really intrigued by the foundation because I grew up in small town Wisconsin. We didn't really talk about mental health, we did not really talk about feelings and what you're struggling with. You know, it was very surface level. And so when I got the chance to intern with them and then eventually started working with them, it was kind of this really cool you matter. We're gonna talk about the things, epiphany. And it was really cool to be on the opposite side of that.

[12:32] Robert Peterpaul: Yeah, that's such a cool story to hear, you know. I remember I had a friend actually to bring it back to musical theater that I did a show with in the city, and she was a little secretive about her job. But as I got to know her, I found out she was, I think she was technically Cynthia's assistant, but she was working with Born This Way forever. So she'd always be like, LG, LG. I'm like, who's LG? And then the family came to see the show, and that's really how I learned about the Born This Way Foundation. I mean, obviously the cause has struck my heart on many different levels, and I just love the tangible things y'all are doing to really make a difference in this world. I think you specifically work on programs like Channel Kindness and Please Stay. Can you just give us all a little overview about what you're doing day to day over at Born This Way?

[13:16] Mariah Karis: I think that rhymed.

[13:17] Mariah Karis: Yeah, it did rhyme, rhyming all the time. And all right, yes, would love to. So I am the programs associate of Born This Way Foundation, uh, which was founded by Lady Gaga and her mom, Cynthia. Um, and I get to work a lot with our youth, which is really incredible. So we have Channel Kindness, which is our digital storytelling platform. So we that's where we really work with young people to help them develop their stories, post their stories, publish their stories. Um and we've just started a program called the Storytellers Club where we have prompts and free writing times where I lead a workshop, kind of what we were just talking about, asking questions to bring them into the conversation and kind of pick a starting point to start talking about their lives.

Um, and really kind of this club is acting as a bridge to help people take those thoughts and ideas and then look at it and go, okay, how can we turn this into a story? How can we, you know, take your thoughts and your story and then push it to channel kindness if you want, if you're inspired to, you obviously don't have to. Um, so I love getting to do that and working with young people in that way. I also work with Please Stay, which is awesome. It is a platform that is through Find Your Anchor. Um, they are basically suicide prevention boxes that people all over the country and world can build, they can send out. Um, it's a really incredible nonprofit. Um, and I also help with our advisory board.

Our advisory board is made up of 31 young people from around the world. Uh, they're all doing really incredible things, different causes. Some people are really passionate about climate change or indigenous rights. Um, but they all help us kind of look at our programming and look at what we're doing. Um, and they also write for channel kindness. So those are a couple things that I get to do. Just a couple.

[15:17] Robert Peterpaul: So, yeah, you're not busy at all.

[15:21] Mariah Karis: No, not at all. I love that. Thank you for all you're doing, first of all. And yeah, second of all, I wonder, I know your foundation is so intentional about everything that's put out there from top to bottom, which I really appreciate. And looking at this time of year, I'm I'm sure there have been conversations of how to intentionally put programming out there and messaging that aligns with what's going on in the world because that's kind of how you reach people, is is connecting to the now. And so, looking at sort of the holiday season and what's to come with the new year, are there any specific initiatives that Born This Way and you are doing to spread more kindness? And how can we all get involved in that?

[16:02] Mariah Karis: Yeah. So day to day, I would say channel kindness and our social media is how we interact with young people the most. I've seen you on there. I've seen your videos. Yeah. And so that's what we really kind of focus on day to day so we can actually interact with young people. Um, but we also, of course, have resources like the Be There certificate, which is a really incredible free resource that anyone can take. It's about 90 minutes, it's free, it's self-paced. Um, and it's an online mental health course, basically teaching people how to recognize if someone is struggling and what they can do. Um, and also reminding them what they're not responsible for and what they're not, you know, you know, you can't be everything for everyone, right?

But you can help them get somewhere where they can get the help they need. Um, and so it's in French and English and Spanish, and it's uh an amazing resource, and we love talking about it, and we love hearing young people talk about it and that they've taken it and they then can help their friends if their friends feel really down or or out of it, or they don't know how to talk to someone in their lives. So we have a handful of resources and they are all on our website. Uh and yeah, that's a little bit of there's quite a few, but that's a couple of things.

[17:24] Robert Peterpaul: That's incredible. Yeah. So run to the website, everybody, virtually run, I guess, or run carrying your phone. I don't know, do what you want to do. I really again appreciate and admire all of that. You know, I think while many folks associate the holiday season with sort of being merry and bright, as we know it can also be really difficult. So having resources like that this time of year, when things are, you know, I don't have the data in front of me, but I know a lot of things tend to skyrocket, and we're kind of living in a mental health pandemic. So I mean, firsthand, I just know with my family and things we've gone through, it can be a really it's such a uh time of duality, you know? You're you're trying to have these wonderful parties and celebrate and connect with people, and then at the same time, you're thinking about the people that you're missing, that you things you've been through. So, do you have any advice specifically for folks who don't experience as much joy during the holiday season?

[18:17] Mariah Karis: Yeah, I love that question. Um it's something we talk about quite a bit, uh, just as a team sometimes. It's like, you know, for some people, the holidays can be wonderful, but they can also be incredibly hard if you don't feel accepted by your family, if you feel like there's tension with your family, if you feel like you don't belong with your family. Like family, you know, comes in all shapes and sizes and forms. Um I would say be patient with yourself. If you need time, if you need to step away, that's always okay. If you need help, it's okay to ask for help, but it's also okay to really prioritize yourself. I know if you're at a party and it's a room full of people and busy things, it's really easy to get overwhelmed uh and kind of feel trapped.

And so I would say it's okay to advocate for yourself and and for what you need and take care of you and your mind and your body, and really just pay attention to that. My nanny, who I quote nonstop, always says, I just said this to someone today, put the oxygen mask on you first, and then you can put it on someone else. That's my favorite analogy. I actually love that analogy because if you don't take care of you, then there is no you, right? Like you can't do all these things if you don't take care of you and your mental health and your body first.

[19:45] Robert Peterpaul: Yeah. So I think it does really start with with you. Is there one? I know there's so many resources, but is there one resource you kind of point people to first? Is it the getting the certification? Is there sort of just one you're like, start here? If you don't know where to start, start here.

[20:00] Mariah Karis: I yeah, I love that. Um, I would say channel kindness because they're kind of short snippets. So with every channel kindness piece, you know, they're also not just pieces that people have written. Our team writes some of the pieces. If there are resources you're looking for in a certain area, we also write pieces on all kinds of things that are happening in life and in young people's lives. And so they're really kind of easier nuggets, I guess, so to speak, um, to kind of look at what we're doing and look at some resources that you can find instantaneously for kind of short, faster. I just need a little like validation. I just need a little reminder that I matter, that I'm loved, that like it's gonna be okay.

And sometimes I think also hearing another young person write those words can be really impactful too. So I'd probably say go to channel kindness first, but be there certificate is an incredible resource when you have some more time to really dedicate to to learning and to growing and to, you know, just learning to be there for other people.

[21:13] Robert Peterpaul: You know, I think be there is probably the answer to my next question that I was really wondering about, which is the opposite end of what we just talked about, sort of resources for people supporting the people struggling with mental health in the winter time and beyond. And I would love to know if there's something from there or channel kindness specifically, an exercise or just I don't know, something that resonates with you that you would tell those people who are out there thinking, man, I'm trying to find a solution to this, someone, but they're not solution-based. They don't, they just want me to listen, but I keep doing this. Like, do you have anything you can share in that regard?

[21:48] Mariah Karis: Yeah. So to narrow down my mind, because it's like a bucket. I'm sure there's so much. What is like the pretend situation?

[21:58] Robert Peterpaul: Ooh, oh, a situation.

[22:00] Mariah Karis: Okay, let's say, should I just draw from real life? Let's see. Let's say there's someone that has a family member who's always really struggled with the holidays, and year after year, every holiday season, there's some kind of turmoil that comes up because of past trauma. And the holidays are just always a really hard time for that person, even though they're not necess necessarily for uh the other person. So, what would you say to I should have done A and B. What would you say to person A to do for person B who's going through this hard time during the holidays when they feel like they've tried maybe everything under the sun? Is that a is that a specific enough example?

[22:42] Mariah Karis: I've that's that's pretty good.

[22:44] Robert Peterpaul: That's pretty good. Um, and are they I feel like I'm asking all these things?

[22:48] Mariah Karis: No, this is interesting because it's fun.

[22:49] Robert Peterpaul: We're like painting the I know, paint the scene, right?

[22:52] Mariah Karis: Um is this a young person that's asking and looking for support?

[22:56] Robert Peterpaul: Let's say, yeah, maybe a teen, someone who's had a enough holidays to really just not have a good experience with them. And they are struggling with kind of their family, right? The family in this situation, not feeling like they're accepted or let's go that.

[23:14] Mariah Karis: I think that's accepted, right? I would say looking for support is huge. So whether that is reaching out to people like friends or people that you talk to online to get those reminders that you're safe and you're wanted and you matter, I think that is huge. I think I think looking for reminders and then also making sure you have support. So I would say I feel like I'm just cycling in front of the thinking this through. This was a specific question that just kind of came up. But I think for so many of us that we all go through things, it's all sort of relative to our life, but for a lot of us that maybe want to support the people really going through it in certain times. And a lot of the times we're the ones going through it, you know, it changes, it ebbs and flows. But I just wonder if you yeah, have any thoughts or things you've come across that could really reach someone supporting someone else who they feel like they've been closed out.

[24:28] Mariah Karis: Maybe they're about to give up trying to help this person because this person has just shut them out so much and they feel like I'm done helping this person, but I feel like I'm the my grandma always says again, you're not the only pole holding up the tent, but they feel like maybe they are, and if they let it down, the tent's gonna crumble. And you know, they're worried for the person.

[24:47] Mariah Karis: Your grandma sounds amazing.

[24:48] Robert Peterpaul: She's incredible.

[24:49] Mariah Karis: I she should just host the podcast, honestly. That's amazing. You're not the only pole holding up the tent.

[24:55] Robert Peterpaul: Oh, I love that.

[24:56] Mariah Karis: Oh, I'm glad. Um, I would say a couple of things. Um, if they're really struggling, I would try to point them to an org like Find Your Anchor or the Please Stay pledge, which is basically like if you're really struggling, if life is becoming really hard and really heavy, this is your reminder, and here are your tips to please stay in this world because you absolutely matter. Um, and you are not alone. Um, you know, if a person is really struggling and you notice that one of the things that we talk about in the Be There certificate is, you know, saying what you see, really just kind of acknowledging, like, hey, you haven't really been yourself, but I really care about you and I want to check in with you.

Um, I think it's really important to kind of it really, I think circles back to that being there in the moment and staying present with them and just saying, like, hey, I'm worried about you. I really want to know that you're gonna be okay. Like, what can I do for you? Like, you know, and obviously it's a really tricky and layered thing, and it depends on the severity in which we're talking, right? Um, but I would say if there is time, I really encourage people to take the Be There certificate because I think it just walks you through so beautifully real life situations, and there's real young people and even their parents sometimes talking through these sort of situations because they can be so hard to understand what to do.

[26:35] Mariah Karis: Like, what do I do? You know, like what do I say? What do I not say? It becomes really hard. Um, and this is such a big thing in everyone's lives. And it's awesome that we're talking about it more, but that also doesn't make it easier sometimes. And so I would say looking at a couple of those resources and really just whether you're the person struggling or the person helping the person struggling, looking at resources, but then also just coming back to, you know, being a human and a human, talking to one another and checking in, you know?

[27:06] Robert Peterpaul: Yeah, disconnecting, maybe to connect, disconnecting from your phone.

[27:09] Mariah Karis: Yeah. I think that's so beautiful what you just said and the resources that are out there. Because I mean, I know for me and you as theater people, what's wonderful about being in a show, there are many things, but my favorite is getting a script because you have a guide, you have a resource, and so it allows you to be vulnerable. And I think we live in a world where people are really afraid to be vulnerable. They're afraid to, I mean, helping someone on the street, for example, is a vulnerable thing. Just smiling at someone is very vulnerable. And people don't want to do it, they just want to look at their phones because it's a little safer. So having the resources like this, everyone please go check them out, is sort of a superpower.

It gives you something to actually have in your hand. And when you're struggling, maybe to look at someone and be vulnerable, you can just have it on your phone. You can have the tips that you learned and just look down and say, okay, and recenter yourself. So I think that's so wonderful. I love now that you said that, it reminds me of a quote in We Bought a Zoo. Oh my brain, that's where my brain has a memorando squirrel. Right. Where he's like, it takes like five seconds of courage, right? Like five seconds of courage or bravery, and like something incredible could happen. And I think that's what I think of. Like if I'm in a coffee shop and I have those thoughts of like, I could, you know, ask this barista a question.

Or I could just sit here and look at my phone. And I really have to like, even myself, and I work on this every day. I have to tell myself, like, okay, what if I just ask them like, how is their day going? Like, like truly, like, how are you doing? And the times that I've done that and like taken those five seconds to be like, let's just push past that comfort zone, um, have been incredible. And I not only actually have a conversation with the barista, but I learn their name and we start talking about like arts and crafts. And then the next time I go in there, it's a human to human connection more than just surface level. And so I really think it's those small, like five seconds of bravery type conversations that make all the difference.

[29:04] Robert Peterpaul: Yes, that's such a great reminder. You're reminding me to do that today. Because I mean, no matter where you work, it's sort of it's so personal. It's something you really have to put into action. And then once you do it does become easier like anything else. It's almost a muscle. You kind of work out. And yeah, my that's the only thing I'm working out these days. And uh something I always would laugh at is my mom at restaurants when the waiter would introduce themselves or server, my mom would always then introduce us around the table. And I always just thought that was so funny because of the the servers trying to go on with their job, maybe, but at the end of the day, they would really appreciate it because it is kind of seeing everybody as a human versus a transaction in life.

[29:43] Mariah Karis: Yeah. And yeah, I think that's a lovely reminder this time of year when we're all well, you know, it's a it's a lot of digital shopping now, but we're all out there running errands, doing so much, maybe getting those last minute holiday gifts, and then into the new year, we're maybe signing up for the gym, doing these things that we're pressured to do and don't have to do, by the way. It's a good reminder to actually look up and just say hi to somebody, or even at the very least, smile and make eye contact because seeing people sort of is one of the biggest acts of kindness, I feel. So thank you for sharing that.

[30:15] Mariah Karis: Yeah. Absolutely. I think um I really think this time of year, people sometimes get so involved in the gift of giving something physical that sometimes I think we forget that sometimes the gift can just be like being in the moment with someone and like yes, opening the gift, but also just like talking to someone. It's like that really matters, like getting to talk to a relative you don't usually get to, or just getting to like have some time where things are turned off and you can just be in the moment. Um, but I know I struggle with like oh, gift here, gift there. When it's like, does it really matter? I don't know. I always go back to that scene in like The Grinch, and I'm like Cindy Lou, who's like, is this all there is? Like, where are you, Christmas?

[31:01] Robert Peterpaul: Um I know, yep. I know exactly what you're talking about. We're just listening to that today, maybe. I think all around it's just such a great reminder because while we feel the pressure to get people gifts, I try and marry the two sometimes. Sometimes giving experiences is really nice, saying you'll take someone to a Broadway show. We know we would love that, or at a dinner. So it's sort of like a gift and an experience, but I really do agree with what you're saying, which is just even a handwritten letter or a phone call during this time of year is something that can make wonders. One thing that I would love to get into, because I know you focus so much on youth specifically and and their mental health battles.

You know, I saw the foundation's latest report. I think it was Kind Communities. And it found nearly three out of four young people say that their close friends are often or always a source of comfort. So you know, I would love your thoughts. And I know this is sort of a buzzy thing about the foundation that I love, which is trying not to maybe always just be rainbows and butterflies and puppies and and kittens, but to try and make kindness a little cooler and show it in a different light. I guess with that stat in mind, do you have tips for people out there? It's sort of what we were just talking about, I guess too, to be more comfortable supporting each other. Because I think with youth especially, it might not be quote unquote cool to stand up for somebody.

[32:24] Mariah Karis: That's a really good question. Um yeah. And I I love that stat because I think it also just speaks to young people really seem to be the most comfortable, kind of in in their groups, like in their community, which is often other young people. Well, the stat is sort of proving that the the young people actually maybe are doing something a bit more right. So yeah, maybe what have you seen there that we can apply as adults to be more comfortable kind of just supporting each other?

[32:57] Mariah Karis: Yes, I think young people often are doing it way better than adults. Um, I think a lot of young people seem to be really in touch with one another. And I mean, that's great to hear, you know. It's incredible. Like I really feel like the people that are growing up right now seem so aware of not only each other, but the world and what's happening and kind of like what really matters and kind of the humanity aspect. And I think that has been one of the most incredible things in working with young people is I think young people are often underestimated sometimes. And uh I hate that. And so I love actually getting to talk with them and giving them a platform because I think a lot of times they have the answers, but they doubt that they have the answers.

And so I think we learn a lot just by elevating them. And they remind us like, hey, it's okay that you're struggling. It's okay that you don't feel great. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be mad, it's okay to be angry. But it's also okay to like call up your friend and be like, hey, I feel awful. Do you want to hang out and feel awful together? Um I just think I just think trusting that young people know a lot more than we think they know is really important.

[34:29] Robert Peterpaul: Yeah, you're so right. It's that childlike magic almost. I mean, we were walking in our apartment building the other day, and we saw a neighbor who we'd never met, but you know, we had seen around many times, and it's it's sort of one of those things where maybe they're looking at their phone, you look up, they look up. And then it's like by the time you decide to maybe say hi, you've both kind of missed the moment and passed each other and cue the lawnmower outside my building, which happens almost every time I record, it's fine. It's not the person I'm talking about. But I saw this person the other day with their child, and such a cute kid, like ran over and was dancing and came up to us and asked her asked a random question.

And it was that that sort of allowed us to then talk and actually get to know each other. So there is something so special in kids that's very pure and has to be protected. But at the same time, maybe can be emulated in a safe way. And all of us, you know, just maybe we break out in a dance on the street and then we're all dancing together. Maybe don't do that.

[35:24] Mariah Karis: I know.

[35:26] Robert Peterpaul: But it's like that pure joy. It's like they feel it and they aren't afraid. And then they start to get into their teens, and then and then I think we do see that where like the world is telling them one thing, and they're like, but what if I don't want that? What if I don't want to be that? Um, and so I think that also comes into a lot of stories where it's well, you don't have to be that, right? You can be this. Like there are options, and it's up to you to kind of forge your own path. And I think it's incredible to see young people believe in themselves in that way and then make changes at 18. I think it's incredible. They're like doing policy in California. It's incredible.

[36:04] Robert Peterpaul: Well, looking at, I guess, those personal stories. Do you have a story from someone you've sort of seen be uplifted? It can be during the holidays or not, from the Born This Way Foundation that that just really hits your heart that you wouldn't mind sharing and that you're able to share.

[36:19] Mariah Karis: Let's see. I'm sure there's so many. There's so many different stories. Well, any anything that touches your heart that's kind of stuck with you. If there's the first one that pops into your head, or if it helps, it can be maybe holiday driven if there's something in the files of your brain along that line too.

[36:37] Mariah Karis: So I teach writing. I do storytellers club and teach people how to share their stories once a month is what we do right now virtually. And so I've had a couple people all year attend every month. And a few months ago, one of the young men that were there was like, I just want you to know that this is really the only time that I interact with other people every month. Um, and I was like, well, first of all, thank you so much for sharing that with me. That's amazing. Um, and thank you for feeling more confident every month in talking about yourself and what you're writing. And he's been with us every single month since February. And seeing the transformation from February until December has been incredible.

He barely talked much uh last year at the beginning of this year. And um he shares his entire piece that he's written in our virtual sessions. And so I think it's really cool to hear that we're creating these spaces where people feel safe and feel like they can have a community, even if it's, you know, a zoom box, right? I mean, it's it's better than not having anybody. And I think that's so cool to see that people have kind of woven together around this idea of storytelling and feel really confident that they want to keep sharing and they want to keep talking to one another.

[38:12] Robert Peterpaul: Um, so that's probably one of my favorite stories.

[38:14] Mariah Karis: I love that. That's so heartwarming as I keep trying to mute myself with the love bar, which I'll hopefully minimize for you listeners. But it reminds me too, it just it just has to be one person. It just takes one person. I feel like I'm Lady Gaga on the press tour for A Star is Born. Did you see that edit? It's like, yeah, it could be 99 people.

[38:32] Robert Peterpaul: I love that so much.

[38:33] Mariah Karis: And it's so true. I do. I do. Because it just takes one person. If just one person believes in you, deep enough and strong enough believes in you.

[38:40] Robert Peterpaul: What musical is that?

[38:43] Mariah Karis: Oh my gosh.

[38:44] Robert Peterpaul: Trivia.

[38:48] Mariah Karis: Oh, Charlie Brown. I actually forgot.

[38:52] Robert Peterpaul: Or is it Succo? Is it?

[38:53] Mariah Karis: Let us know, everyone at home. Is it Suce?

[38:57] Robert Peterpaul: Which one is it?

[38:58] Mariah Karis: I, you know, we were all getting into how New Year's can be daunting, starting a new year, I think, especially when you're struggling with your mental health. It's sort of it feels like it should be a reset, but then it comes along with all these pressures of kind of having this brand new sparkling self walk into 2024. Do you have any tips for releasing these pressures and maybe entering with a healthier mindset?

[39:23] Mariah Karis: I start for all these big questions. I'm like, what is the meaning of life?

[39:25] Robert Peterpaul: What is the meaning of life?

[39:30] Mariah Karis: Um, the pursuit of happiness and joy.

[39:32] Robert Peterpaul: I know, and no one really has the answers. I think it's just exploring and talking about these things. It's so helpful.

[39:38] Mariah Karis: But I love these questions though. I think remembering that you can have goals, you can have to-dos, you can have aspirations, but it's important to remember that you're also enough where you are right now today without changing one hair on your head, one ounce of what's happening in your bubble.

[39:59] Mariah Karis: Like you are enough, you are good where you are, and you can absolutely change, you can evolve, you can work on things, but you don't have to. Like that doesn't have to be the thing that you judge yourself against. Like you are not based, like your worth is not based on whether or not you hit the gym every day or you hit those 10 goals for 2024. You know, like people and people think that way. I think that way sometimes too. And it's releasing that pressure of I have to be perfect, I have to do all these things. It's like, no, you have to take care of yourself. You have to put your oxygen mask on first. Yes. You know what I mean? Come on, Annie. Do you have you? Come on. Have you found ways to do that? You know, the hows? I mean, sometimes for some people, it's putting a sticky note on the wall. So when they wake up, they just see it says you are enough. It's like little reminders. Do you have anything like that?

[40:53] Robert Peterpaul: I love little reminders. I love affirmations. I love because obviously there's gonna be moments where you're feeling really good with yourself, right? And so find those moments when you have them. I would encourage you to like write it down either on a post-it or write like a really short few sentences in a journal so that when you're having a bad day, you can go back and be like, oh, this is just a bad day. This isn't a bad life. This is I'm good, I'm fine. I was having a really good day here. I'm I'm really awesome. I have it. Like it's gonna be okay. And so I'm a firm believer in writing down those positive thoughts and putting them in places where you can be reminded so you have something on those rough days, so you can remember, like, no, you're good, you're great. Like, it's just a rough day.

[41:39] Mariah Karis: Yes, there's this amazing casting director, Holly from the WoJ team shout out who took me through this kind of transformative experience once. It was so simple. She just had everyone think about the best day of their life when they sort of felt like best selves, quote unquote, or one of the best. And you know, you went through the five senses and kind of wrote down how you felt, you sort of relived it. And then she said, A, when you're feeling down, go and read through this and just relive it. And B, walk into every room with the energy of this. So sort of find these ingredients and try and like cook them up every time you enter a new space, if you can authentically. And it's similar to what you were just saying. I think sort of we have that energy, you know, we we have that that positivity in us, and it doesn't have to be toxic, but it can sort of be conjured up daily enough to remind us that there's always going to be those moments too, you know?

[42:37] Robert Peterpaul: Yeah.

[42:38] Mariah Karis: 100%.

[42:40] Robert Peterpaul: Yeah.

[42:40] Mariah Karis: 100%. So I love what you were just saying. Uh it also, you know, talking about New Year's. Happy New Year's, everyone. Although it's well, people of the future, if you're listening to this in 2024, thank you. Hello, we're glad you're here. Is it better? No, it's it probably is better. It's great. Everything's great. 2024. Does your team have any like resolutions or mantras going into the new year? Sort of, do you guys set or do all of you, I'm trying not to say do you guys anymore. I feel like guys isn't brained in my head. But it's I know it is, you know.

[43:09] Mariah Karis: Yeah.

[43:10] Robert Peterpaul: But do you all have anything or any themes for the new year? Do you sort of set those as a team?

[43:18] Mariah Karis: We do sometimes. Um, I think we can always do better, right? All of us can always do better and uh try new things. I think I we I think one of the things it's it's kind of more of a literal thing. We really want to work um with young people more. Um, so we're really exploring ways to kind of work with schools more and work in kind of school settings to interact with people that maybe don't know about us, don't know the resources we have. Um that way it will give more opportunities for kind of what we were talking about, that face-to-face, human-to-human, like, how are you doing? Like, you doing okay. Um, and so I would say goals would be working with young people more. I would say continuing to make kindness cool and validate that young people are so incredible.

Um, and just continue to really try to spread the message of kindness and bravery into the world because I feel like it's simple, but it can still be hard. And I think everybody could use a little bit of sprinkle of kindness, you know.

[44:29] Robert Peterpaul: Oh yeah, come on. We gotta be a sprinkle covered cupcake. We can't just be vanilla. Well, we can be, that's okay too. But we can add some sprinkles. I love it. Absolutely. You know, when I think about kindness in the arts, someone who that first comes to mind, who I think is sitting right at that intersection is obviously Lady Gaga and the work all of you are doing. And since it kind of for me, I always think stems down from the top. I would love to know what specifically you feel like you've learned about kindness from her leadership, her and her mother.

[45:01] Mariah Karis: Yeah, absolutely. Um, I would say that I've learned that no matter kind of where you fall, you matter. Um, and a lot can happen in a few minutes. So those few minutes of kindness, those few minutes of conversation, they can they can change so much for a person. Um, so I think I've really learned that I've really learned that, but I've also learned I would say that you know, making kindness cool can be cool, if that makes sense. Like, I think it's really cool to see young people hear that and take that in and kind of like have an awakening awakening, like, oh yeah, this can be really cool. This can be fun, this can be epic, this can be awesome. Um, and it doesn't have to just be like be kind, cool, we're done.

Like, it can be it can be like a continued mission, it can be kind of like an embodiment of who you are. Like, you can just be kind to one another. And I also think you can be kind but still hold your ground and advocate for yourself. I don't think they're mutually exclusive, and I think I think just being kind is is just so important.

[46:20] Robert Peterpaul: Oh, I love that. Well, I think that you're cool, Mariah, not Carrie.

[46:24] Mariah Karis: Oh, thanks.

[46:25] Robert Peterpaul: Right? I loved sharing this little slice of the virtual world with you. I just have one final question. It's a it's a tiny one. What is the meaning of life?

[46:36] Mariah Karis: Oh I'm just kidding.

[46:39] Robert Peterpaul: I was like, okay, let's go. I was like, should I be too real with this? No. No, my my last question is kind of in line with what you were just saying, which is just saying be kind is great, but it's sort of a little bit more, I would say grounding if you can provide resources like y'all are doing. I don't I keep saying y'all, I'm not from the south, but I I love Dolly Parton. So that's probably why you too. I'm like, all right, I'm like, y'all, come on, stumble at a bit and I'm telling you to get you. Yep, none to five. I love to end with a tangible kindness tip. So, like we're saying, you know, saying be kind is great, but do you have anything for listeners that you would love for them to include into their their daily life or their week or their month, that would just make the world a kinder place? Maybe something they can bravely go out there and do, like just smiling at people on the street.

[47:28] Mariah Karis: Yeah. You put me into like a mind spiral. I'm like, hmm, this is a good one. I would say two things. I would say exciting. I'm ready. It's a two harder. Ready? Okay. Um, I would say do one kind thing for yourself, hopefully every day, but once a week would be awesome. Um really allow yourself to kind of push all your to-dos and notifications and life responsibilities like off your plate and just listen to yourself and go, okay, what do I need? Like, do I need a nap? Do I need a cup of coffee? Do I need to just like knit something for a minute? Like, what do you need to kind of re-center yourself? Um, and I would say giving yourself that space and that time and that reminder is huge. I would say the second part is looking outside yourself.

So I would say oxygen mask on first. You know, check in with yourself, because I do think if your bucket is empty, you can't really give kindness because you're not being kind to yourself. So I think oxygen mask on first. And then the second part is I really think that kind of five seconds of going outside your comfort zone is huge. Um, and I think whether you are on the subway, you're in a coffee shop, you're even online, like giving someone a compliment or trying to start any type of interaction, I think is huge because I think we are, I think we kind of lack human interaction because it's hard sometimes. Like authentic interaction can be scary. And so we shy away and we put our phone up, but I think that five seconds of just pushing through is huge and can make all the difference and not just your day, but someone else's. I think five seconds is something we can handle.

[49:29] Robert Peterpaul: So I I really appreciate that.

[49:29] Mariah Karis: And I think also an act of kindness to others is is an act of kindness to yourself because there is data that shows it comes back to you. I mean, when you help someone else, when you call someone to check in, it does fill you up. So while you don't want to give from an empty cup ever because then it's not maybe authentic, it is a nice incentive to give to others because it comes back to you. It's not why you should do it. Uh or why not? I don't know. It it's a nice, it's nice, it's a good full circle thing. And to hit this baby full circle, I just want to thank you for everything that you and the Born This Way Foundation are doing. I I think we need more people like you. We need less people mowing their lawns. And yeah, we're I'm I'm just very grateful I got to speak with you and learn more about the foundation. And if there's anything else you would like to leave us with from your work, please chime in. But other than that, I I just want to say thank you.

[50:24] Mariah Karis: Yeah, and thank you so much also for having me for having these conversations and asking these awesome questions and having this podcast. I think we need more of this in life. And so I think that's fantastic. Uh, last thoughts.

[50:38] Robert Peterpaul: Oh, thank you.

[50:39] Mariah Karis: Um, you're so welcome.

[50:41] Robert Peterpaul: Uh, it's so fun to listen to these.

[50:44] Mariah Karis: Um, that's what I did last night. I was just listening to episodes and and wrapping presents.

[50:48] Robert Peterpaul: That's so sweet.

[50:49] Mariah Karis: Oh it was great.

[50:50] Robert Peterpaul: Oh, who did you listen to? Not to put you on.

[50:52] Mariah Karis: Oh, me and you and Megan Hilty. Um that was an interesting one for me.

[50:56] Robert Peterpaul: Let me be your star.

[50:57] Mariah Karis: Let me be your star.

[50:58] Robert Peterpaul: I love that one.

[50:59] Mariah Karis: She was your star in the chat. Also, let's see, Katie. Um, high school musical musical wicked.

[51:04] Robert Peterpaul: Oh, love her.

[51:05] Mariah Karis: She was so sweet.

[51:06] Robert Peterpaul: Yes.

[51:07] Mariah Karis: Um, I was just kind of going through. I was just like, I'm just curious.

[51:11] Robert Peterpaul: Thanks for listening.

[51:12] Mariah Karis: Yeah.

[51:12] Robert Peterpaul: Yes, they're so fun.

[51:14] Mariah Karis: Oh, I'm glad I think we need these conversations.

[51:17] Robert Peterpaul: So, yeah, last I guess things would be kind to one another, be kind to yourself.

[51:24] Mariah Karis: Do something for five seconds that pushes your comfort zone because I think a lot can come out of that.

[51:30] Robert Peterpaul: Yeah. And you know what you're making me think too is everybody at home, ask yourself what kindness means to you, because then you'll you'll know how to be kind to yourself. And a lot of the work you all, y'all are doing is about awareness and awareness is sort of the key to unlocking a lot of this.

[51:46] Mariah Karis: So I love those reminders. I hope you're kind to yourself this holiday season and spread all the cheer and have all the Christmas cookies.

[51:55] Robert Peterpaul: Do you have a favorite holiday cookie?

[51:56] Mariah Karis: Oh my god.

[51:57] Robert Peterpaul: Oh man, I really am. I'm a I'm a I'm uh sucker for a really nice decorated sugar cookie because they're pretty.

[52:05] Mariah Karis: Um just the just the dough. Honestly, Mariah, I'll be I'll be real. I have just been making edible cookie dough. I made it last night, it's in the fridge. Just cookie dough, like spoonfuls of cookie dough, pure butter, pure sugar, and chocolate chips.

[52:19] Robert Peterpaul: Full of sugar, let's go.

[52:20] Mariah Karis: Mary and Poppins.

[52:21] Robert Peterpaul: We should have been like tallying these.

[52:22] Mariah Karis: Well, I'm gonna do it as I edit this, and I'll let you know how many we can we can guess.

[52:27] Robert Peterpaul: Everybody at home, you should have been guessing, and I'll let you know the answer and I'll let you know what you won.

[52:32] Mariah Karis: And I got news for you.

[52:33] Robert Peterpaul: It was this podcast episode.

[52:35] Mariah Karis: So thanks for tuning in.

[52:37] Robert Peterpaul: Thank you for being here.

[52:38] Mariah Karis: And again, I just, yeah, I appreciate you so much.

[52:40] Robert Peterpaul: Thanks for making this world a better place.

[52:43] Mariah Karis: Absolutely.

[52:43] Robert Peterpaul: Thank you for all your work.

[52:46] Mariah Karis: I really appreciate everything you do.

[52:46] Robert Peterpaul: Oh, thank you.