This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Leah Walsh: Hi, and welcome to The Compass, the podcast documenting the struggles of life as an artist.

[0:05] Leah Walsh: I'm Leah Walsh.

[0:06] Leah Walsh: Hi everyone.

[0:08] Leah Walsh: I'm back.

[0:09] Leah Walsh: I'm here.

[0:10] Leah Walsh: I'm still here.

[0:11] Leah Walsh: Thank you for joining me and for your support during my hiatus.

[0:15] Leah Walsh: I'm looking forward to sharing the next eight episodes with you biweekly in this new season format.

[0:21] Leah Walsh: And I'm sending love to all of you.

[0:24] Leah Walsh: How are you doing?

[0:25] Leah Walsh: During this break time, my husband was doing a play in San Diego, and I was working my day job full-time from home while solo parenting.

[0:33] Leah Walsh: Luckily, with the help of my mom generously staying with us for a while, and a hodgepodge of babysitters, in-laws visiting over the Thanksgiving, it was a patchwork.

[0:42] Leah Walsh: And now Frankie is back and we're rolling together as a family again, thank goodness.

[0:47] Leah Walsh: I hope you're taking care of yourselves.

[0:49] Leah Walsh: This Omicron wave is so overwhelming and infuriating after all of this time.

[0:56] Leah Walsh: But I want to introduce you to my guest today.

[0:59] Leah Walsh: It's Geoffrey Allen Murphy.

[1:01] Leah Walsh: He's a fantastic and talented actor who I've been lucky to know from way back.

[1:05] Leah Walsh: We did the Chautauqua Summer Theater program together the summer before my senior year of undergrad, and then wound up together for four solid years at Juilliard for grad school.

[1:15] Leah Walsh: He's been understudying To Kill a Mockingbird on Broadway, and we recorded this at the end of October during the hiatus.

[1:21] Leah Walsh: So it was before the current COVID spike.

[1:24] Leah Walsh: I know he was going on a lot during Omicron, and it was just announced in mid-January that the show is on hold now until the beginning of June.

[1:32] Leah Walsh: I'm so grateful for his time and his openness with me.

[1:35] Leah Walsh: And I hope you enjoy the 179th episode of The Compass.

[1:57] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Wrapped up in that is when I say the dark side, what comes to your mind? What is that most often for you?

[2:05] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah, I mean, I think that it presents itself in a few different ways. I think frequently one that comes up is jealousy. I think that that's something that everybody in our business, you know, struggles with. Because there's a finite amount of things to be doing, and everybody wants to do all the things, and I think that that's a normal emotion for people who work in the arts. So that's one aspect of the dark side. Another aspect is, you know, the idea of, um, what do you call it? Imposter syndrome. Definitely is a huge one. Um, and yeah, does that hit you most often when you're between work or when you're actually working on a project? Just curious.

[3:01] Leah Walsh: Ooh, that's I think it actually hits me most when I'm in the project. Like, especially like at the beginning of a project, when you're like you don't feel like you have your feet fully under you.

[3:13] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Right. And you're like making a choice and you're like, I don't know about this choice, and you know, it's, uh, that can definitely maybe like or if you're especially or if you're like working with a bunch of people who are like, these people are all really good. Am I the person who sucks in the show? So I mean it pops up in different times. Um, and for me also the dark side presents itself as just like profound social anxiety.

[3:39] Leah Walsh: Right.

[3:40] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um, and those are all I think one of the beautiful things about getting older is getting to know how when you're having your dark side attacks. Um, because when I was younger, I was, you know, I would just be in the middle of the storm and I wouldn't even know what was going on. And now I'm like, okay, I'm having these feelings, and they're not grounded in reality. And this is before, and I've survived.

[4:10] Leah Walsh: Yeah, exactly.

[4:12] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Uh actually it's kind of off topic, but I only have one tattoo. Um, and it's just the word temporary. Uh and there's two reasons for it. One, I think it's funny to, you know, oh, you have a tattoo, yeah, I have a temporary tattoo. But, uh, but no, it's a kind of a reminder for me that everything is temporary. You know, um, if I'm going through a really hard time, that's temporary. If I'm going through a great time, that's also temporary. Uh so that is the only thing I've Yeah, I love it too. Um so yeah, I think that we all have to find what works for us in order to fight the dark side.

[4:53] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Uh I, uh one thing I know this is gonna sound maybe a little weird. Uh I love watching documentaries about like space. Or like if I was living out in the country, I'd just sit and I'd look at like the stars or something like that. Like zoom out as far as possible.

[5:11] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: As far as possible. Um because it just none of the things that are bugging me really matter. You know, humanity is a blip on the history of, you know, the universe, and certainly whether or not I get this job or whether so and so, you know, likes me or whatever, that that doesn't really matter, you know?

[5:35] Leah Walsh: Right.

[5:36] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um it is funny, I think, how we get so and I'm speaking about myself here, we get so wrapped up in how important these little things are. And while I think art is important, you know, we aren't actually, you know, curing diseases or things like that. You know, um, if I do a terrible job acting, no one dies, which, uh ideally. I mean, I haven't acted that poorly yet, but you know, give me time. Um But yeah, it's well it's it's balancing that we're like, yes, of course, you're right. This it's not that dire. And then also the, um, I guess since since we are people who are marrying art with commerce, like the stakes of I'm trying to provide for my life and pay for things like food and housing, which are dire, you know, things like that. So it is an interesting conundrum.

[6:37] Leah Walsh: Well, I certainly hear you on that. Um yeah, it's I don't know. I mean, I feel like a lot of the dark side aspects for me and for some of my friends, they all wrap around. I mean working in acting, it is such a bizarre dance you do with your own ego.

[7:03] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um, because you have to think you're really good to stick with it. You know, you have to you have to feel like you have something to say, or you have to feel like you can be a useful, you know, you have to think you're an artist in order to do the thing, but you have to be able to put it aside in order to go some of these places emotionally. You have to be able to put it aside to deal with this life that we live.

[7:34] Leah Walsh: Um yeah, so I guess that's why pulling way back, you know, and looking at the stars and sometimes I'll like watch documentaries about like horrible things that have happened in the past, and that will also remind me that that I'm like, this isn't so bad.

[7:50] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Right. It's like, you know, um, this isn't the, you know, plague of 16, whatever, you know.

[7:59] Leah Walsh: Well, on that subject though, can we talk a little bit about how you've been over the course of the pandemic and how you're doing now? What has this bizarre time been like for you?

[8:12] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: It's a year and a half that's felt like a decade. Uh it, it I mean, I don't think anybody was like having a great time during the I mean maybe somebody was, but um it was such a it was such a weird, weird transition. Um because two weeks before we shut down, um, I'm in the show To Kill a Mockingbird, and we did a show in Madison Square Garden for 18,000 school children on February 26th of 2020.

[8:51] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Which was incredibly stressful for everybody involved, but the actual day of it was amazing. I've, you know, I doubt I'll ever be privy to an audience that is that exciting and electric and you know it was really a fantastic experience. And it was probably a super spreader event if we're if we're being real.

[9:12] Leah Walsh: Very possibly.

[9:14] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: I mean, hindsight's you know, 2020.

[9:16] Leah Walsh: Right, of course.

[9:17] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Pun not intended, but uh but yeah, and then two weeks later it's just like okay, uh don't come to work today, you know, and then it's like things just kept getting kicked down the road, and the first few weeks, I think, you know, a lot of us were like, oh, cool, this is a nice little vacation, you know.

[9:37] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: We were still getting paid for the first couple of weeks. Um interestingly, once we got into the meat of the pandemic, I found it certain aspects of it very relieving. Um because I no longer felt like I was I had no FOMO, you know.

[10:02] Leah Walsh: Yeah, it was unique in that way.

[10:05] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Or it's like, oh, I there's nothing I should be doing. There's nothing that I've shut down.

[10:10] Leah Walsh: Yeah.

[10:11] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um yeah, and being like, oh, and then the whole thing of like jealousy, like there was no one to be jealous of. We were all in the exact same position.

[10:21] Leah Walsh: Right.

[10:22] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um and so that was, you know, relieving for like, I don't know, a couple of days.

[10:30] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Uh but uh it was a challenge. Um and I worked hard to just fill my time and try and get a schedule going, you know.

[10:40] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um I had a group of friends, we'd get together on Zoom every week to read a play, uh, which was really, really um it was really valuable just to have an opportunity to do the thing, even if it's just your friends, you know.

[10:59] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um and I also played like online trivia with friends a lot. I mean it was it was such a bizarre time.

[11:08] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And I I also felt very lucky knowing that there was a job that I would go back to.

[11:16] Leah Walsh: Right, because your show had been doing well enough that that seemed predetermined.

[11:21] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah, obviously all because of my work.

[11:24] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Uh no. I mean it's a great it's a great show, but like um I'm I'm I was very lucky, I am very lucky to be a part of it now. I was lucky to be part of it then, but uh it's very unusual to have a job that sticks around this long period.

[11:38] Leah Walsh: Yeah, of course.

[11:41] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: So but that was and another thing that I was going through, I don't know if this will be of any interest to anybody else, but like I had a back injury that I was trying to uh get back surgery for, and I was just before this all started, or did it happen during the pandemic?

[11:57] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: I I had I got injured myself in 2019, and uh it was it was excruciatingly painful and I was working through it, and um by my own choice I wasn't nobody was, you know, forcing me to do anything.

[12:11] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um but uh I was working through it and then the pandemic came along and it was like, okay, I need to get spinal surgery, this is the time to do it, and the bureaucratic nightmare that was involved with that was awful.

[12:23] Leah Walsh: Um to get workers' comp or yeah, and it it took like a it took over a year to get it approved.

[12:31] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Wow.

[12:32] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Which was a year of you experiencing the pain.

[12:36] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Well and it was also the a year of you know, oh file this paperwork, wait X number of weeks to hear back. Oh no, they say no, okay, then we have to appeal it and then send you it was it was just and then I that during that time also, you know, we had that like, oh it'll be four weeks. Oh it'll be six weeks, oh it'll be a six months. It'll be you know for yeah the shutdown yeah so it's uh it was a real um experiment for all of us in patients.

[13:08] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um but it also I think reminded a lot of us of what matters you know um because I mean you can create art anywhere you can express yourself anywhere a job yes it's great you know it's important to make money and obviously we all need to eat you know and have a place to sleep and uh need to be able to buy you know toys for our cats and so forth but um it's I don't know I mean it's important that our loved ones are a part of our lives and that we are there for them and that we're you know it's uh that I you know I feel like that was uh a an important reminder that like work isn't everything.

[14:00] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah. Especially with the demands that our industry puts on you. And I know a lot of those are being discussed now with things like the five-day rehearsal week or the number of shows, the discussion over the 10 out of 12 hour work days during tech, which I'm excited about. And it was interesting like when it's always like the show must go on, the show must go on to actually have a time when the show couldn't go on and for people to be like, oh right, I'm a human.

[14:31] Leah Walsh: Yeah.

[14:31] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And I'm sure it was more special for parents.

[14:35] Leah Walsh: You know, yes.

[14:36] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yes. I am not a personally I'm a cat parent, but that's different. Did you I know your family's not too far away, did you get to spend any time with them?

[14:46] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: No. No, I didn't get to spend any time with them other than on Zoom. You know, it's you know with the frustration is that at least with the situation of my apartment there's no there was no ability to really properly isolate you know in order to do our laundry we had to go around the corner to a laundromat in order to you know get groceries and not right you know pay a crazy amount of money we had to go to the grocery store and so there was no way that we could really properly isolate in a way that would be safe for a person with immunocompromised pre-existing conditions to be around which was really hard it was really hard because my parents they don't live that far away they live like an hour and a half away and I didn't get to see them for you know, like a year plus, you know, so it's um yeah.

[15:50] Leah Walsh: I'm I and yeah, I it's so that was that was a challenging dip for sure.

[15:58] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um but yeah, I was just here. Just here in my apartment in New York, sitting on my fire escape.

[16:07] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Which uh with my girlfriend, so that's you know.

[16:10] Leah Walsh: That's good.

[16:11] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah, and you know, somehow she has managed to tolerate me throughout being locked in the big test.

[16:19] Leah Walsh: Big test for everybody.

[16:21] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Uh yeah. So tell us about what the last like month has been like, because you guys are open now. You're performing.

[16:27] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: We are, we are. Um it has been um and are you I'm sorry, are you are you an offstage cover or are you on the show every night?

[16:37] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Okay, off um which is which is uh honestly being an offstage cover is uh a challenge to the ego of its I mean you've done it, so um I'm I'm I'm sure your audience members have heard many times over uh what a fantastic actress you are. I'm here to back that up. Um big fan.

[16:56] Leah Walsh: Um I was actually doing the math the other day. I think we've known each other for 17 years.

[17:03] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: That sounds about right.

[17:10] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Summer summer before my senior year of college.

[17:13] Leah Walsh: Was that the same for you?

[17:15] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: That sounds right, yeah, yeah.

[17:17] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah, it's been a long time at the Juilliard together.

[17:21] Leah Walsh: Indeed.

[17:21] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Group 38, what's up? Um the last month has been really crazy in a good way. B in in that certain aspects have felt so normal, like so profoundly normal, and other aspects are incredibly bizarre.

[17:40] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um it is I you know, this is probably the best thing for me has been having a schedule. Having a place I have to be every day.

[17:53] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um it's good for my psyche um just to be able to plan around stuff because otherwise I'll just you know not do anything if I don't have a schedule.

[18:07] Leah Walsh: Well, and I've found it increasingly difficult to focus over the course of the pandemic. I don't know how for different reasons, dealing with parenting and such too, but like I think it probably affects everybody in some way, just the dealing with all of this time.

[18:25] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah.

[18:26] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Well, yeah, that's the thing is is if you have all day to do something, then there's no like there's no fire under the pot to make it happen. It's like, oh, sometime between now and 14 hours from now, I have to do the dishes, and it's always like 11:30 p.m. doing the dishes.

[18:48] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: So um yeah, having a schedule's been huge. But it's um yeah, I mean, I'm I just feel really lucky to have a job, and uh, and it's I do think that everybody involved has a prof a a new uh a new appreciation for how special it is to be working.

[19:12] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um especially because the schedule on, you know, in a professional theater production is can be very grueling, especially when you include understudy rehearsals.

[19:24] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Uh, you know, it can it can be very tiring, and just being able to show up and be like, you know what, I wasn't able to do this for a year and a half. This is I really am glad to be here.

[19:34] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And it's also always great to be just around uh really talented artists, and uh it was nice to be in the rehearsal room with you know uh with Aaron Sorkin and with with Bart Scher and you know all the Jeff Daniels and Celia, you know.

[19:51] Leah Walsh: Oh my gosh.

[19:52] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah, no, and and having Jeff Daniels come back and see like Henning Bulger come back was really, really special.

[19:57] Leah Walsh: Is special, they're still there.

[19:59] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um might not be by the time this airs, but it'll be a few months, but hopefully they'll still be in it.

[20:06] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: We could just like I'm not doing anything.

[20:12] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And that's uh also a reality of it, is like my job is to be ready, and I am ready, and it can be very hard to sit around and be like, oh, because uh most days when I show up to work, I feel like I'm do I mean I'll show up to work and I'll I'll watch Netflix in the dressing room, or I'll take a nap, or maybe I'll play some video games, and then I'll go home.

[20:39] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And it it it messes with your head, you know.

[20:45] Leah Walsh: Yeah, I was gonna say, like, is you've done a couple of these kinds of gigs, right?

[20:51] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Like I've done or I know you've done a lot of long runs. They haven't all been off stage though.

[20:58] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: No. I mean, with Warhorse, um, so my first Broadway show was with uh was War Horse with our classmate uh Zach Via, and I was hired to be the uh what they called the human swing.

[21:10] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um there were two swings in the show. There was the human swing and the horse swing, and I covered the ensemble tracks of 26 people.

[21:17] Leah Walsh: Oh my god and that was incredibly stressful.

[21:21] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Uh in a, you know, and it was amazing to be a part of that cool show, and you know, I was really glad to be there, but like it would every day I'd show up and it would be just chaos for me because you know, they would have me doing pieces of eight different people's tracks put together in a way that wasn't actually supposed to go that way.

[21:42] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And um and yeah, so that was kind of crazy, but you know, I was in my twenties and what a delight.

[21:51] Leah Walsh: Right.

[21:52] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: But um But yeah, I I don't know that I'd want to do that again.

[21:56] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um and I don't know that I want to do offstage covering anymore after this.

[22:01] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Uh just because I wanna I'd rather be doing the thing somewhere small, you know, or out of town or with my friends in my apartment.

[22:15] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: I mean, obviously I want to make money, but I don't know.

[22:18] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: I just maybe we should cut that bit out.

[22:20] Leah Walsh: But well, especially after such a long time of this.

[22:25] Leah Walsh: How long were you doing it before the pandemic?

[22:28] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: I was with it for eight months.

[22:29] Leah Walsh: Um Do you find like a level of anxiety over not knowing when you will go on?

[22:38] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Of that readiness of feeling like, oh my god, what if it's today and I'm not as prepared today as I thought I was, or I definitely did in Warhorse.

[22:47] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: I definitely felt that anxiety um just because of the sheer volume of things I had to be ready to do.

[22:53] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: That's how I felt during Orphan's Home Cycle, because it was like Oh my god, well that was three different plays.

[22:58] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah, what if what if the wrong track is out and that's the one that I don't feel ready for or something.

[23:03] Leah Walsh: Oh my god, yeah.

[23:04] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: No, that that was a lot of coverage.

[23:06] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: That was a lot.

[23:07] Leah Walsh: And a lot of words too.

[23:09] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah.

[23:09] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: So how is it with this one?

[23:13] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Uh this one it it's I'm I'm covering fewer tracks.

[23:16] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah, I'm covering fewer tracks.

[23:18] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: There's, you know, there's stuff that I need to do, but I've a lot of them I've done a lot.

[23:23] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: But I was really surprised coming back to the show after uh a year and a half away, how much I remembered.

[23:30] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And that was something I think a lot of people were saying.

[23:34] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um, you know, it's like one of those things where you you stop doing a show for a month and you feel like you can't remember anything about the show, but then you put in context and you're like, oh no, that's where I do this and that, and that thing needs to be there, and everybody needs to, you know, it it just snaps back in in context, which is kind of relieving.

[23:53] Leah Walsh: That's good.

[23:54] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um yeah, but um, yeah, it's it's uh but yeah, the anxiety of oh no, what's gonna happen, because I and Warhorse, I would show up sometimes and they would give me um when when you have people go out of a show, um I'm I'm doing this for the audience members who don't work in the theater.

[24:14] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um when you have people go out of a show, you will um, depending on how the show operates, you will get like a cut show sheet uh where okay, so uh Danny is out, so Steven's gonna move into Danny's track, and and you know, uh Kristen is out, and so uh Annie's gonna move into Kristen's track, but then somebody needs to do bits of Annie's track and and Steven's track, and then like you merge them together, and I would get a lot of these cut show sheets that would be bits and pieces of different people people's parts, and they would have me literally entering and exiting in different costumes at the exact same moment um in different places, and so it was like I had to be very careful going through those sheets every day because I'm like, yeah, no, that is physically, physically impossible.

[25:02] Leah Walsh: And nobody's double checked this until you've looked at it.

[25:06] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Well, yeah, I mean, because it it's just everybody's just trying to get it ready as quickly as possible.

[25:12] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And that was a show where we had uh a lot of uh people get injured uh just because of the nature of the show.

[25:19] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um so you know, people would be out for a day or a few weeks.

[25:26] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: I mean, I had my own uh medical uh event there that was sort of interesting and um I did I did want to ask you something about it.

[25:38] Leah Walsh: Do you want to give like the brief version of what happened and then I'll ask you my question?

[25:43] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Well, sure.

[25:45] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um yeah, I had a stroke on stage uh in Warhorse in 27 or 28, I can't remember which.

[25:54] Leah Walsh: Oh my god.

[25:55] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And um basically I was having muscular trouble with my neck and um from operating one of the puppets in the show, and I went to the PT at the theater, and he was like, Oh, let me try something.

[26:10] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And he grabbed my head and he twisted it really far to the left and he twisted it really far to the right, and it kind of felt like he was like trying to break my neck, but uh I was like, ah, he's a professional, he knows what he's doing.

[26:20] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And um, what I didn't know then, and for the next, you know, eight days or ten days or whatever it was, was that uh in doing that, he partially tore both of the arteries in my spine.

[26:33] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: So you have four main arteries in your spine in your neck, you have the carotids everybody's familiar with from like Sweeney Todd, those are the ones in the front.

[26:40] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And you have your vertebral arteries.

[26:42] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: But that's your reference.

[26:43] Leah Walsh: Oh yeah, come on now.

[26:45] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um on the Broadway podcast network, you gotta go with the Sweeney Todd.

[26:49] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um you have your ones that go up through your spine, those are your vertebral arteries.

[26:54] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: So those were both partially torn, and so I didn't know it, but I had these blood clots flying through my system for like a week and a half.

[27:03] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And um, and so a week and a half later, it was Sunday, August 5th of 2012. And we had a lot of people out that day, but I was so amped, it was Sunday. Oh boy, the weekend is coming. Yes, please. And um, so there was a portion of the show, everything was going fine. I mean, for as fine as something can go with a lot of people out unexpectedly. Uh, one of our castmates, Ben Horner, his wife had just had given birth to their first child, like that night, and you know, so I'll always remember his child's birthday. But uh, but uh so yeah, the there's a point in the show towards the end where the Joey the horse uh is stuck in no man's land, and that's sort of the area between two trenches uh in trench warfare.

Um so uh I I was getting ready to my position, and there's a point at which four people have to run out and like slide onto the deck, and then the deck starts to rotate as the horse is running around the perimeter, and there's these sounds of explosions and whatnot. Um, so I'm covering one of those people, the four people who slide into the deck. And I'm in the background area, which we call the Nash Scape, which I I guess was based off of this artist, Thomas Nash. Um, and there's our cue, and we run out and we slide down onto the deck, and we get there. There's supposed to be four of us, and there's only three of us. And uh I'm like the only person who knows what everybody does. Uh so my castmate uh Katrina Yaqui, who is just a delight, she turns to me and she goes, Jeff, Jeff, there's there's only three of us.

What do we do? This is meanwhile, the deck is rotating, there are explosion sounds going on, and there's a horse running around us, but we're having this you know conversation. Quiet conversation on the deck. Quiet, quiet. I mean, nobody could hear us anyway. And I'm like, I said to her, because our job was then to get up and help puppeteer this horse jumping over a girder. And I say to her, you're gonna have to do both back hooves. Don't worry, we're going to be just fine. Uh, which is literally what I said right before I had my stroke. So uh the deck stopped rotating, there was a sound cue, we rolled over to meet the horse, and as soon as I stood up, everything just started spinning. Oh my god.

Uncontrollably, like, you know, like you're on a terrible roller coaster. And so I just closed my eyes and I leaned on the puppet. I like dug my shoulder into the puppet, thinking at the time, I'm like, I'm really gonna piss off whoever is operating this puppet. Um, but uh, so we were able to puppeteer the horse jumping over the girder. Meanwhile, poor Katrina Yaqui literally has her head up the uh the butt of the horse trying to puppeteer these two back hooves in a way that uh was never supposed to happen. And we are able to get over the girder, and then I have to open my eyes and turn and run off. And as soon as I open my eyes, I just again, everything's just spinning again. And so I sort of fling myself into the darkness.

And uh and I land on the deck, and then I hear one of the assistant stage managers come up to me and he says, Jeff, Jeff, are you alright? And I said, Yeah, I'm just spinning. And he says, Would you like to come off stage? And I said, Yes, please. So he grabbed me by the back of my coat and dragged me off stage, and then I was vomiting for like 16 hours. Um fact, the show didn't stop, and people in the audience didn't even know. So it's uh I can't believe it. There's a lot going on on stage. Not dead. I mean, I did receive a letter telling me I was dead, but that's a whole other thing. That's a whole other thing. Very city of the New York of New York or the state of New York. The state of New York, yeah.

They they they sent me a letter consoling me on my own death, but that's a whole other thing. That was a paperwork snafu. I mean, it it's a fascinating story. I'm sure we could talk the whole podcast about that. The thing that I was gonna ask about it, I'm sure it's affected you and affected your life in so many ways. But I'm curious if after you recovered from that, if there's a way that you've changed your approach to your work, your outlook on your work, the importance of your self-care, um, the things you're willing to do for a kind of role for a physical role for like are were there new boundaries that you set for yourself after that?

[31:51] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: That's a lot of questions that are all trying to get at the same idea, I guess. Sure. Um yeah, I mean, I think that the thing I learned most from that was not actually work-related. Um you know, I I've always struggled with my self-esteem and things like that, and um always had that little like voice in the back of my head, like, oh, everybody hates you, blah blah blah. Which I I know a lot of people have. Um it was really eye-opening to me to see how many people, you know, would cut came to visit me in the hospital. And that was sort of a moment of realizing, and people who you wouldn't expect to, you know, uh went out of their way to, you know, check in. And it was a reminder that I that like, even though you and I, for instance, you know, uh, we talk maybe a couple times a year, but we don't, you know, I don't see you every month.

That doesn't mean I I don't love you profoundly, I do, you know. Um, everybody's living their own lives. Everybody is doing their own thing, and and it's easy to feel like you are not cared about when you are. You know, it's like that chicken soup for the soul thing. Um, I think that people would be really surprised by the number of people who care about them. But unfortunately, people don't find out about those things unless something truly dramatic happens. You know, people might not come to your birthday party, but you know, they they care. Um it's I don't know. That was a very profound thing. In terms of work, uh in my work, I because this wasn't something, this was not my work's I mean, this was a a PT's, you know, error.

And I no, no, and that's not what I mean, but um I'm just wondering if it changed your outlook or the way you approach things at all. You know, I don't know that it changed much about how I view work. Maybe it should have. I don't know. No, I I guess I guess an interesting thing is that that event really was a reminder to me of how unimportant work is. And this is as somebody who loves to work and who loves to be uh involved with art and wants to do a lot more of it. Um but, you know, it's in those times where you really have a moment to go, oh, this is important, but not all important. And I I frequently will make the error of making work all important. It's funny. Um when we were uh in our fourth year at Juilliard, we had this person who um visited our our classes, uh I don't I you know, and uh and he said to us uh the most successful actors are the ones for whom acting is not the most important thing.

Do you remember this? I don’t, but I mean it's something that stuck with me. But I don't remember who and I at the time I was furious because, you know, I'm like, no, you know make it make it important. And I it didn't really make sense to me for a long time, and but it does now. Um it also I think depends upon your definition of success. Um but it can't be, it can't be all important because then you're at the subject of a merciless, you know, ocean that will lift you up and crash you down as much as possible, and you have no control. Just no control over this business. And so letting it have sway over your which which I do, I mean, but letting it have sway over your emotions is uh a recipe for just misery.

Um so yeah, I mean, people who for who have something else that is more important, I think that they're definitely the most successful people because they're taking power into their own hands. You know, I think I have such respect for people like yourself who, you know, are raising children and and being an artist at the same time, and and you know, I and or people who I'm not a religious person, but people who are really into their religious whatever, I mean, like, that's great too. Because it's just you can't let this business tell you who you are. I mean, if I let this business tell me who I am, I would think I was a really ugly violent man, which is just not who I am. But that's who the business wants me to be.

You know, they I I get cast almost exclusively as like murderers or murderers who get murdered. Uh or you know, just tough guys. And that's, you know, you know me. So if I let the business tell me who I am, then I'm, you know, gonna be unhappy. I don't know. I find myself rambling a lot here. I hope it's uh some of this is usable.

[37:30] Leah Walsh: It is usable. Um how do you approach auditions these days? With that in mind with not letting the the tempest throw you about and your emotions about, how do you try to stay grounded through the audition acceptance rejection process?

[37:54] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah. I mean, sometimes it's easier than others. You know, every we all have that experience of um of really wanting something and then not getting it. Shortly after we graduated from Juilliard, I like three sort of little guide rules popped into my head that I've sort of had to remind myself of regularly. Um and the first one is it's it's never gonna make any sense. And that I think really holds true. It's just never ever, ever gonna make any sense. Second rule is it's always gonna come down to things you can't control. Um, because if it was just sheer talent, you know, then I know a lot of people who would be famous beyond their wildest imaginations. If it was just talent, but obviously it so often it comes down to just things that you have no control over.

And then the third rule that came much later than the first two, uh, is they who care that he or she or they or you know, um, who cares the least wins. And I don't love saying that. But I do think it's true in that the more you care about something, the more you're gonna be in your head. And you know, it's like that thing that that that everybody talks about in our business. It's like it's always like the job that you can't do because you have like a trip, that's the one you book. The job that you don't want to do, that's the one you book. Do you have any artistic mentors who have been important to you in your career?

[39:39] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Hmm. That's a great question. I mean, I've obviously had a a lot of great teachers over the years. Um, the word the word mentor to me implies uh sort of a very uh um personal sort of care, you know, like uh uh a guide, you know. Um, and I don't know that I I've had I've had friends who I've really um who've really taught me a lot about what it is to exist in this business. Um my one friend Michael Kostorff, uh, who's a really fantastic actor, uh, has been a really great guide to me.

[40:29] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um in a lot of ways. But yeah, I don't know. I don't feel like the 'cause like the way that the theater used to operate, and I'm not talking about anything other than just the actual structure of things, was be you're in a company and you're in that company and you're gonna do 15 plays together. And there are gonna be, you know, people of various ages and whatever, and you know, you work your way through the company, and you know, I think there's much more opportunity for a mentoring environment in that than there is in sort of a, oh, I did a reading with this person one time, and you know, they were very there are actors who I look to show me what it is to live a life like this.

[41:16] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah. And that is um, there's this fantastic actor, David Manis, who uh I've been lucky enough to do Warhorse and and to Kill a Mockingbird with, and he is just one just the sweetest man. Um but he also has a very good outlook, uh, sort of a clear head about things. And it's not that he doesn't, you know, it's not that he doesn't care, because he does care, but he has a very calm, placid view of the business that I I uh really admire. Um, and I think that's it I think that's important.

[42:00] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: I think that totally fits in with everything that we're talking about. Like I I even in college, I feel like I was somehow looking for examples of artist couples who would manage to have kids and have a family. Like there was something that I was looking for out of the life as an artist that I wanted to see that it existed and that somebody was able to do it. And so, like someone like that that you're talking about who's able to do their job well but not put too much importance on it to see keep everything in balance, that makes total sense to me. It's important that we know that that exists, and it's not just everybody sacrificing themselves completely at the altar, you know.

[42:42] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Yeah. It's and because it it can seem that way. And also, you know, unless you know somebody, you really only know the very surface level of what's going on in their life. Yeah, like you're talking about, like uh art artist couples with kids. Like that's a whole set of challenges that I don't know what they are. And you know, having somebody to talk to about that, I'm sure has been fantastic, you know.

[43:10] Leah Walsh: Are there any lessons you've learned in the last couple years that you're really proud of?

[43:16] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Hmm. Could be something small or big. Lessons that I've learned that I'm really proud of. I feel like there's a lesson I'm learning. I don't feel like it's I've fully learned it yet. I feel like uh well, I mean I'm I'm learning lots of things all the time, I guess, but um I guess I I'm I'm worried I'm gonna sound like a broken record, but um I'm just not that important. And uh I mean I'm important in my own life, but um I think that you know, a lot of my own sort of worries about like, oh, does this person, oh, did I say this thing and somebody think it was, you know, dumb, or you know, all these different things. I you know, I'm I'm always making myself the center of the story that I'm in, which you know I I think a lot of people do, but it's just I'm just not that important.

[44:09] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And I mean that's important. That's uh I deal with a lot of anxiety too, and I think that even though that doesn't seem to be the obvious issue with it, that's one of the main things that's running through it as you spend worrying all the time about what people are thinking of you or what your actions impact is when it actually it's not the center of the situation. Yeah, like if you wrong somebody, you know, apologize, make it right. But odds are, I mean, 90% of the time when I think I've wronged somebody, I have not. And then when I apologize, it just makes it weird. So what what are you apologizing for? I'm like, I okay, I'll stop. I'm sorry. Then I apologize for apologizing, and then then we get in a loop.

[44:56] Leah Walsh: Well, there's two small questions that I usually ask at the end, unless there's something that I have not asked you about that you were really looking forward to talking about.

[45:06] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Um, you know, I I would like I would like to say uh a thing that I wish I had been told a few years back. And maybe I was and I just wasn't able to hear it. This life, this lifestyle is not linear, and it is going to take turns that you don't expect. And sometimes those turns are great and sometimes they're not. But nothing. The only way that it ends is if you choose to end it. And because I I, you know, I went through a period of like almost three years where I just didn't work at all. And I worked at a beer distributor for a year and a half. And I worked in sports marketing for a year, and I was, you know, completely miserable. And I was like, oh, I'm I've washed out of the business. And um and it's not true. It's not true.

[46:12] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And I think that a lot of us, especially when we're not working, uh, can feel like we've been forgotten, or we um or like, oh, that people don't think I'm good enough, or whatever, or you know, um, and it's just not true, and also an important thing to remember too is people only see when you're successful, right? I mean, they're only aware of you when you're working, they're not aware of you when you're struggling. Um, it's funny when I when I started doing Mockingbird, I ran into um somebody I hadn't seen in years, and but they were like, oh, well, you know, I didn't come out of school and just start doing Broadway all the time coming out right away, and I was like, wow, okay, that is how you perceive my experience, and that is really interesting.

[47:04] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Right. Um, because you know, uh I came out of school and I handed out flyers in Times Square for a year, and uh that was lame, and then I got a nice job, and I got, you know, and I was able to do another job, and then I didn't work again for many, many more years, and um you're only aware of people's ups, you're not aware of people's downs, and you're always aware of your own downs because you're there. Especially with social media, that only amplifies that.

[47:35] Leah Walsh: Of course.

[47:35] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Nobody's gonna be like, I mean, people do it, and then it it doesn't look good either. Like, oh, I'm having a hard time right now. Like nobody wants to see that. Um, it's hard. But also, like to keep in mind. It is. It is important to remember that. And also, I honestly I think it's one of the most beautiful things about the acting business is that you can come into it at literally any age. Um, you can take 20 years off and come back to it and kill it, you know. Um you can start in your 60s and have a career. Uh is one of the few perform actually, I think it might be the only performing art form where that's actually true.

[48:23] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: There's certain performing arts that physically you can't do after a certain, you know, age. There are performing arts where if you don't get that training right off the bat, you're gonna be so far behind. But acting is something that and obviously as somebody who, you know, went through eight years of college for acting. Um, I'm a big advocate for, you know, getting training. You don't have to. You can get that training in the field. So I don't know. I just I I guess I want people to know that even if you feel like you're out, you're probably not. And everybody probably thinks you're just busy doing something cool, but they haven't heard about it.

[49:07] Leah Walsh: Well, thank you for that reminder. I needed that reminder myself, so thank you. Um when you are kind of in that dark side and feeling disconnected or uninspired. Um are there any physical things that you return to again and again, like books you reread, music you listen to, like things like that that you can grab onto that help a little bit?

[49:28] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Sure. There's a great book called The Drama of the Gifted Child. Uh I think it's by Alice Miller. Um it's a psychology book. And uh I find that very useful. It's sort of it's also one of the best acting books I've ever read, actually. Um, sort of about why people do what they do, but it is a reminder of like basically, you know, um, okay, I'm having this reaction, this is why I'm having this reaction. It sort of talks about uh uh well, I'll let people Google it. It's a good book. And um I love listening to um music that is atmospheric, I guess would be the word I would use. Um, you know, Steve, uh I I can never know how to pronounce it. Reich or Reich, uh Philip Glass, stuff like that, I find very calming.

[50:19] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: I recently made the big leap from thinking about meditating a lot to meditating, which I'm very proud of. Thank you. Hopefully I'll keep that habit alive. Um but uh I I would not say I am good at it yet. I know that that's probably not a word you're supposed to use about meditation, but I am consistent giving the whirl. And it does seem to help, at least you know, for some period of time.

[50:45] Leah Walsh: That's great. And then the last question is is Is there anything that you've seen or taken in recently? Any work of art that you would like to recommend?

[50:56] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Oh. Um, I recently re-watched this uh I don't even know how I'd describe it. Uh, but I feel like people should watch it because I think it's insane and kind of funny, but also very heartfelt and moving. Um it's called Her Master's Voice. Um, and it is a documentary, I guess you'd call it a documentary. I don't know, maybe you'd call it a comedy special. I'm not quite sure what you'd call it. Uh, about this um English uh comedian who performs a ventriloquist act, uh, and her mentor who she used to be in a relationship with passes away.

[51:51] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: And so he leaves her all of his puppets, and she takes those puppets on a trip to Venthaven, which is I guess the world museum of ventriloquism in like Kentucky or something, to give these puppets to the muse museum there. I I I there's no description of this. It has to be experienced. It is I highly recommend it. So that is something that I saw recently that I would recommend. And I think it's just weird and wonderful. And so yeah, that's my recommendation of the thing I saw recently.

[52:29] Leah Walsh: Again. Thank you so much, Jeff. This was so great to just hear about where you're at and to hear your voice.

[52:35] Geoffrey Allen Murphy: Well, I always just, you know, it brings me great joy to see your face, to hear your voice, and be in your presence.

[52:53] Leah Walsh: Thank you for listening to the Compass Podcast. If you find these conversations valuable to your life as an artist and would like to support the ongoing production of the Compass, please consider becoming a patron at Patreon.com slash The Compass Podcast. Pledges start at as little as one dollar a month, and anything you can give would be greatly appreciated. Also, if you have a moment, please review and follow in iTunes. Every little bit helps other listeners to find the podcast.

[53:27] Leah Walsh: Audio assistance from Monica Jokesy, and a special thanks to Frankie J. Alvarez. See you next time.