This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Leah Walsh: Hi, and welcome to The Compass, the podcast documenting the struggles of life as an artist.

[0:05] Leah Walsh: I'm Leah Walsh.

[0:06] Leah Walsh: Hi everyone. My guest today is Julia Ogilvie.

[0:10] Leah Walsh: She is an actor, a teacher, and a comedian. We overlapped at Juilliard for a couple years, and I've always admired her energy and her drive as an artist.

[0:18] Leah Walsh: We recorded this at the end of October when I was taking a break from the podcast, and I'm so happy to share it with you now. I hope you enjoy episode 181 of The Compass.

[0:51] Julia Ogilvie: What the dark side is. It's funny you say the dark side. It's very resonant for me because what I think of is literally a pitch black room where I've opened the door, there's no light switch, and there's no floor. And for me, what makes me open that door into infinite blackness is um is why questions. Why questions that have no answer? And to me, no answer is darkness. So, like why does someone else have an opportunity I don't in the business? Uh, which is comparison, right? Uh, why does someone like a director, a casting director, give me a red light versus a green light, right? Why? Why um are there periods where I call it a phenomenon of omission, no opportunities, right? And then the most brutal why that also has no answer is why am I an asshole and worthless, right?

None of those have answers. So what I do is so that to me is the darkness, are those unanswerable questions. And so for me to get out of that dark room, I first am compassionate to myself and congratulate myself for the awareness I've opened the door to the black room and not uh beat up on myself because our business is so difficult. Any civilian pedestrian would be like, dear God, how do you handle that? You know, so I'm compassionate to myself when I go to the dark side first and go, of course it's okay. It's okay, of course, it's hard, you know. And then I um I have steps, and the main thing to and it to keep going with this metaphor, it's for me, answers is light. Answers are and asking the right questions where I can get answers is what closing that dark room, walking down the hall and and finding a room with a light switch, right?

So for me, that is the question of what and how those have answers. So for me, what am I enthusiastic about today? And how can I do it? Those have answers. So those two questions are a tool I use to get out of the dark side.

[3:21] Leah Walsh: I love that. I love that awareness about the why questions.

[3:25] Leah Walsh: Well, I'm so I I love that awareness about the why questions that those are the ones so specifically that um lead you down that path. When did you develop this thinking? When did you start having the awareness to think about it that way?

[3:43] Julia Ogilvie: It came, I think, through a lot of therapy but also um I I think through struggle in the business came awareness so as the years would go and I would compare myself because I've been out nine years now um of school and college and as the years would go I would be struggling with the comparison and that would have me gain consciousness of it. I also it took me time and the struggle of not of long periods of not working or just not booking or what have you to just gain a consciousness of like it's a source of pride now that I've struggled a lot and I've earned that pride and I've earned the strength I've gained through challenges and those challenges gave me the awareness to not directly correlate my value to the ups and downs of the business because for so long I wasn't working.

So I wouldn't equate my worth to it because that's a dangerous game right if you buy into that if you're a series regular on a show you okay you're you know your sense of self is through the roof but then you're not working then that's a tricky game you know so I really found a way to um have a sense of joy and happiness divorced from show business and through not working was gaining consciousness of the things we just talked about of like, oh, I'm really unhappy right now because I'm so in the depths of comparison where there's no answers. I want light. I don't want to be in this darkness. This is not how I want to spend my life. I think a lot of actors get stuck in comparison and they fall down, you know, there's just no floor and no answers.

You know, and so I I'm sorry, I'm not I'm going a bit round the bend in answering your question, but I think through being in that dark room and trying to answer those unanswerable questions, I gained the consciousness of them, and then my desire to find light got me, like I developed those tools over time. But for me, consciousness is all. And when things aren't working for you, you gain much more consciousness than when they are working for you.

[6:08] Leah Walsh: I think that's so important because even it's just as dangerous if you get addicted to being on that high when you are working. It's like, oh, finally everything's everything's fixed. But then you're off you're gonna be not working again in two months or whatever.

[6:24] Julia Ogilvie: Totally. And it feels so the high of booking, I feel like feels so sexy for like a day, and then you're like, you know what I mean? And then there's so many other variables that come into play. Or, you know, you're you know, you could and it's all relative. Like, even Tom Hanks is like, why does Liam Neeson get to do all the cool action movies? Like, even it's just at every echelon, you know what I mean?

[6:47] Leah Walsh: Right.

[6:48] Julia Ogilvie: And so, yeah, it's like you could be in an off Broadway or Broadway show and they'd be like, why did that person just book a movie? Like it's just all relative, you know. So do you ever feel like you're just really frustrated that that is the way our business is, that it is so out of our control that those why questions are unanswerable? Or have you just come to peace with it?

[7:13] Julia Ogilvie: Um, I I marvel at how difficult the comparison is. Um, but I have a sense of humor about it, and I have just accepted it as well. I'm also very I feel very grateful that I'm not just an actor, and I I don't like saying that like I'm you know, like I'm not just an actor, like, oh please. You know what I mean? Um, but I I'm just you know, expressing my experience that I feel grateful that I also have other artistic interests that aren't contingent upon someone giving me a green light.

[7:46] Leah Walsh: Yes, and that is so yeah, definitely what I want to talk about, because that is so compelling to me that you found ways to make your own path in parallel with the auditioning and the casting directors and that part of the business. Can you tell me a little bit or tell our listeners a little bit about your other outlets so they have an idea?

[8:07] Julia Ogilvie: Sure, sure. So I um right out of school, I moved straight to LA, which was a shock, right? I'm a Hawaii girl spending her whole new adult life in New York City and then moving to LA. It's like, dear God. It's like I was in a small island off the west coast of America, a small island off the east coast of America, and then like on the in the continental US, on the I was a shock anyway. But suddenly, you know, after you know, the college went to it's like you know, we're training 14 hours a day and going to the floor with our passions all in black clothes rolling around, you know, being like these are the forgeries of jealousy, you know. And then we go in for a TV audition, and the the sides are like, um, no, he tried to kiss me, but I was busy.

You know what I mean? Like, and um, so suddenly in LA, I would have TV auditions during the day, but not feel artistically satiated. So I was like, how can I and and also I'd be I'd marvel at like, okay, I do my work in the audition, and I'm proud of myself, like as an artist, but there's someone down the hall, the producer, director, whoever, that gives me the red light that says no, right? And so I was like, how can I give myself the green light? So I I decided I was like, okay, I'm I'm gonna become a musical duo. I roped in my friend Nalani. I said, Nalini, okay, I I play the ukulele, and um, don't worry, you don't play an instrument. Uh, how about we just go to Toys R Us, go to the kids, you know, and find like a toy drum set for you, and we'll just go on stage with a cooler and you'll bring out these instruments and we'll be a music duo.

So she was like, I'm on board. So we just so because and and so anyway, uh, we so we created a musical duo called The Manifesto of Hiatus, and we had no idea what we were doing, and we wrote some songs, and we go to some open mic coffee houses in LA, and there was one day where it all clicked for me. I had an audition, TV audition that day, and we went to a coffee house that night to try a new song. Never been in front of an audience before, and it was crushing. The audience was laughing, and there was this moment I had on stage where I was like, Oh, this is the green light. No one can stop me from doing my work and people receiving it in this moment. I give myself the green light. So I came up with a rule for myself.

Whenever I have an audition, I have to go to an open mic that night to even it out. It's like I think of it as the business and I bring my artistic self to that, but I look at it as a job. And then that night I have to remind myself I'm an artist and give myself the green light. So that that's a rule I still have for myself. Um and uh but what was so exciting was uh stand up comics would see us at these open mics. They produced other shows around town we started getting booked everywhere and within four months we were playing the comedy store on Sunset Boulevard to like 400 people.

[11:16] Leah Walsh: Oh my God. In the main room and we had no idea what we were doing.

[11:20] Julia Ogilvie: She had a little drum like it was just a little toy drum, you know. And um so I found the comedy community in LA uh while trying to uh adjust to the shock of A being a professional actor and B television. And I wasn't booking and as you know just out of school we're very lucky. They're like oh my God you're a shiny penny for like seven months before the next Miss America graduates you know what I mean. So you know I had real opportunities but I had no idea what I was doing. I you know I I just was just so green.

[11:57] Yeah. But at night I was finding my artistic voice. I was learning this new form. And what was so exciting is all our like voice and speech um you know technique, vocal dynamics all of that at Juilliard like it had my back in clubs. It was humbling how it had my back in ways I couldn't have anticipated, in the sense of like how to land a joke, how to use Alexander to really get subliminally the audience to pay attention to you, how to ground yourself when you're nervous as all hell because you don't know if it's gonna go well. Because with comedy, there's an immediate auditory calibration of success, and no one can deny it, right?

[12:37] In the theater, I feel like, you know, uh, in King Lear the moment that you know Lear is holding uh, you know, Cordelia being like, oh, right before he dies. It's like, you know, people walk to the subway or to their car afterward going, oh, that moment was amazing. I was so moved. But you don't get it in immediate auditory calibration of if people are ascertaining it's of quality or not, right?

[13:00] Right. So for me, the the nerves, because it's all out in the open, no one can deny whether it's going well or not. You know what I mean? There's no debate. There is no debate. Um, so I get super nervous. So Alexander technique would help. You know, voice and speech would help, even though I was re-learning with the microphone, still understanding operatives, what's the key word? How do you get to the end of the thought? All those things would just changing vocal dynamics can make or break a joke. Sometimes it's not in the rewrite of the joke, it's the delivery.

[13:36] And the heightened consciousness of vocal dynamics because of our training, just it it was humbling that it was there for me in ways I just I just couldn't have anticipated. That's so amazing. And I I mean, that rule for yourself is very impressive that you still hold yourself to that, that kind of practice of have an audition, gonna find an opportunity perform that day. That's pretty incredible.

[14:00] And I mean, amazing that like the comedy field really allows you that opportunity. Like that there are those kinds of open night opportunities with an audience all over the place. But it it is interesting, like, so I started music comedy, and then when I moved I was in LA for a year, and I didn't fully feel artistically satiated. I was like, I love this comedy scene, but there's still more point of view and voice that I need to figure out and hone. And it's maybe not quite here.

[14:31] So I moved back to New York, and um then I stumbled into spoken word, um, because one night I I had one of the biggest opportunity auditions I'd ever had where I got to producers, got to the studio, and I had it that day, and it didn't go very well. So I was like, Okay, the rule is we gotta go to an open mic. So I was just at the equity building, I would didn't uh have time to go home. Signed up for a mic I'd never heard before down in the East Village, and I went straight there.

[14:58] I was still in my little audition outfit. I get there and I realized oh, I don't have my ukulele. I I can't sing a comedy song. So I was like, Oh, and they were like, Okay, next up, Julia. So I was like, Oh, yeah, there's a spoken word poem I wrote in my first year at Juilliard that I had to do in poetry class. Maybe I'll do that. And so I went up and I did it to fulfill my quota of doing a show that night, and the next morning the producer of the mic messaged me on Facebook and he was like, I want to feature you.

[15:30] I want you to do 30 minutes and a combo of spoken word and music comedy. And I said, Oh no, I just do music comedy, I don't, I don't, you know, and he's like, No, I'm paying you, and this is what I'm telling you to do. Oh my god. Yeah, so I joined with a friend. We went on a little writer's retreat to a little family friend or her aunt's house down in North Carolina, and I went for a week and I just wrote and just went for it and go, okay, I've just been hired to do spoken word.

[15:57] So at this place, the Parkside Lounge, I was able, I was given 30 minute spots and getting paid. It was incredible. And it was such a gift, especially in New York where stage time is so valuable and hard to come by. And so I got to develop my voice of like through spoken word, through music comedy, and then sketch characters, you know, and stuff like that.

[16:21] And I would make in a I would cure and Hawaiian songs and all that. And I would curate an evening where it would get really serious and then super comical, and like finding that flow and um and getting people to go to the dark side with me, but then bringing them back up with comedy. And what is that in a 30-minute set? And so coming back to New York was a gift too, you know, of just more space and room to experiment.

[16:47] That's so incredible. I mean, I feel like it's hard to go over that bridge of like, oh, I want to find I want to make my own work. I'm not being satisfied by the auditions, but like getting over the bridge of actually putting it out in the world.

[17:05] Yeah, and it it felt very necessary for me, like literally for my circulatory health, you know, like I liken it to like so that had the immediacy of needing to write and perform, you know, of like, because for me, it's like writing and performing my own work is like if if there's a swimming pool and there's all these leaves stuck in the grid, so there's no circulation for the pool, and it's muddy and got leaves, and it's just gnarly, right?

[17:31] It's like for me, writing and performing is clearing out those leaves so the pool can have circulation. That's what it's like for me. So it's it's and one therapist was like, you know, Julia, there's if you never perform again, it won't affect your heart rate. And I was like, you don't understand. Like, this is my health. You know what I mean? It's so dramatic of me. But but I do liken it to that. I just feel healthier and I feel better.

[17:57] And that immediacy to express myself in front of people. Um, it really does help the circulatory system, I think. But anyway. And you've done some teaching as well since school, right?

[18:10] Mm-hmm. How did that come about? Do you enjoy to enjoy that kind of work?

[18:15] I, you know, I love teaching. I almost wish I I only wanted to be a teacher because I think I could be a lot happier. You know, like because being an actor is so difficult. It's like, because I just love I love it so much. I really do. I fell into it by um my dad was um a a teacher, acting teacher, an actor. He would do, you know, ever anything that would come to Hawaii, you know, lost, the original Hawaii 5.0, the original Magnum PI, the newer ones, lost, everything.

[18:49] Jurassic Park 3, like whatever. He would be in them. And so he would coach, and he would also coach Shakespeare and you know, all this stuff. Um, would teach five-year-old all the way up to 70 year olds, you know, it was really incredible. So he had a big reputation in Hawaii because it's a small community, so we all know each other very well.

[19:08] And one gal, this gal got cast as um the uh Scott Conn's daughter in Hawaii 5 0. And she was only like eight, and she was at Taylor Grubbs, and she looked cute as a button, a beautiful little girl at the time, um, but just didn't really have acting experience. You know, it was just, you know, new. So my dad had coached her a bit, and then uh he wasn't able to. So then I took it on and started coaching her, and and that's how I started teaching.

[19:38] And then it kind of went from there. Is that part of the way you like patch work together day job stuff, or is that more of a an occasional thing?

[19:46] Um no, totally. It is how I I um patch uh do the patchwork. Oh can we talk a little bit about that if you don't mind?

[19:56] What sorts of things have you found useful to fill in the gaps when you're not earning money from acting?

[20:02] Sure. Well, it's been, you know, it's been a huge uh struggle, as it is for all actors, of it's uh nearly impossible, right? Because we have to be available during business hours at a moment's notice for auditions, yet can't work a job during business hours, or hopefully it's flexible. It's hard to do a night job because then we're pooped for the next day for audition. I mean, it's and then New York City, the most expensive, awesome but inexpensive place on her, you know what I mean?

[20:30] So it's just so I had a very difficult time. Um I would temp, but like run to a commercial audition on my lunch break. Um you know, babysit, um, but a lot of temping was the main thing. I worked as a personal assistant.

[20:46] Okay, yeah. And uh, so those were the main ones. Um, I also, oh my goodness gracious, uh call center, you know, political, you know, call center, which was epic, and then one that was very challenging was Manhattan Theater Club, their call center for fundraising.

[21:05] Okay. If you want to talk about comparison. I literally there would be classmates that would come for actual auditions while I was working for peanuts in the call center, and I would be so ashamed I'd hide. Or people, actors that had flown across the country to see me in a clown show off off Broadway at La Mama, and then we're in an actual Manhattan Theater Club show, and I was like sh hiding because I was so embarrassed and ashamed.

[21:34] And now it's a source of strength. I'm not ashamed of it. Like and I and it was so painful at the time, but now I have a sense of humor about it, you know. And I mean, like, here's a great anecdote of like talking about like day jobs and then comparison. Like I um one day I you know, I it was the height of struggle for me.

[21:54] Like I was on Medicaid, I even had food stamp, like it was bad. And I was walking through Times Square being like, Okay, I think my paycheck's coming in today, so I'll be able to survive and you know, and and as I'm thinking this, a bus goes by with a classmate's face on it.

[22:11] I have been there. And when that happens, you just have to laugh.

[22:14] Yeah. And you have to have a sense of humor because what else is there to do, right?

[22:21] Oh my god. And um so yeah, the day jobs very painful. And you know, it's challenging when like some classmates just come for money, you know, they just do.

[22:39] Julia Ogilvie: Especially, especially it felt that way for me like coming out of school when you're just struggling to even get any sort of savings or anything under your belt.

[22:47] Julia Ogilvie: A hundred percent totally. Um, and uh but now uh I'm in Hawaii at the moment and um I'm mainly uh teaching and there's things shooting here, so I've had a little, you know, tidbit here and there, which is really helpful. And then um, but I was really grateful I finally started working a little bit in voiceovers. And those are great, uh money wise, you know, they're hard to get.

[23:07] Leah Walsh: What?

[23:14] Julia Ogilvie: That would be great for you, I can imagine. Yeah, it's sexy. You don't have to put any makeup on, you go in your sweats, do your thing, and you know, it's all good.

[23:23] Leah Walsh: Did you go back to Hawaii because of the pandemic or had you already decided to move back?

[23:28] Julia Ogilvie: Um yeah, it uh it's pretty trippy actually what happened. Um I was doing a co-production between uh Theater for New Audience and the Shakespeare Theater. I was doing Time and of Athens and um we did it at Tafana, and then uh we went down to DC, and a week before we were gonna close, the mayor said, okay, no more gatherings above six hundred. Um, you know, and so with the size of the theater, we or 500, we couldn't do the show. So we closed a week early. That day it closed was the day my mom arrived from Hawaii to see the show. So she didn't get to see it. So suddenly we're in DC with nothing to do. They let me stay out my contract in terms of the apartment. So we had a lovely place to stay, but nothing to do, right?

So we're like, um, and then we looked at flights and we're like, oh my gosh, do I dare go home for two weeks? You know, because it we all didn't know how long this would last. It was all so new. We couldn't have couldn't have known it would completely change our lives. It just there's just no way. And so I thought, okay, I'll get a one-way ticket and feel it out and go back in to New York in a couple weeks. And I haven't been back since.

[24:41] Leah Walsh: Oh my God.

[24:42] Julia Ogilvie: So I left my apartment February 17th, 2020 at 4 a.m. for a train down to DC, and I never been back.

[24:52] Leah Walsh: Is your d did someone move your stuff out of your apartment or is it still sitting there?

[24:56] Julia Ogilvie: My dear friend Natalie. Dear dear friend. I tried to pay her, she wouldn't let me. Um yeah, so I'm very lucky. So it's in storage and I've moved to Hawaii. And it's changed my life. I'm engaged now, and I'm, you know, so happy here, and it's uh my life completely changed, but I I feel so grateful, you know, it's it's crazy.

[25:22] Leah Walsh: Are you and your fiancee planning to stay?

[25:25] Julia Ogilvie: Well, what's great is that my fiancee is a television editor, so he works remotely, so he can go anywhere. And um, so we're probably gonna go to LA next year. Um I'm gonna finish out a teaching contract at the University of Hawaii of teaching TV and film acting, um, through next May, and then we're gonna regroup.

[25:44] Leah Walsh: Nice. How has it been to be living where you grew up? Do you feel like the change of location affected your state of mind or your creativity?

[25:54] Julia Ogilvie: Yeah, it it was and here's where I feel bad. Like the pandemic m uh cracked open so much of my creativity because for the first time in my life I didn't have to pay rent.

[26:07] Leah Walsh: Right.

[26:08] Julia Ogilvie: That's huge. It was shocking. And suddenly I had time and I didn't realize for me I was always drowning financially in New York because of rent. It just because for me being in New York, and I can only speak from my experience, was being on a hamster wheel on a treadmill in a trench, right? It's just, you know, it it's partly what makes the city one of the best cities in the world. There's so much to do and it's incredible, but also survival if you don't have a trust fund, you know what I mean? It's like it's hard. Um, so that was removed for the first time in my adult life. So I ran with it. I was like, this is my shot to grow, and I don't have this obstacle at the moment. So I I started working with uh Rick Chrome in in New York City working remotely, learning stand-up.

I um I wrote and finished uh um a short film that's now in festivals, and like I pushed myself, I was like, there's gonna be no other shot for me. This chapter of my life is special, I've gotta take this opportunity. Um, and I did, and so I feel bad saying that though, because it's been horrible for the world, you know, and so I feel bad, but it's been um a blessing, which I feel bad about.

[27:26] Leah Walsh: I understand all of those feelings. I mean, it's been such an insane time. But there are you know good and bad things in everyone's individual lives during a two-year period of time, obviously.

[27:38] Julia Ogilvie: Yeah. Do you have you had any mentors in your artistic life that have been really helpful to you along the way? Or influential.

[27:45] Julia Ogilvie: Totally. Yeah, absolutely. Um, Maggie Flanagan um was the first one. She uh the Maggie Flanagan studio, I went there for about two and a half years before I went to Juilliard, and um it's a Meisner training program. Um, but I I joined that um school when I was uh 18. So I was a sponge and I knew nothing, and I had just gotten to New York City. I was like, oh um, but she I mean, she uh worked directly with Meisner and met him, and then Bill Esper was the next in that lineage of of master teacher, and then she was the next. And Bill and Maggie went their separate ways, and Maggie opened her own studio and Bill Esper opened their own studio, but they're like like the best, you know, they're incredible in terms of the direct lineage of Meisner.

And um just to have her as my teacher for two and a half years really changed my life and um was really incredible. And um, and right now actually uh Rick Crom is like an incredible mentor. He's been doing he's uh such a unique combination of an actor, he writes musicals, and he's been doing stand-up comedy for over 35 years.

[28:59] Julia Ogilvie: Wow. So he gets like when I'm working on a new joke and I'm working with him, you know, and he's coaching me and I'm learning, he understands vocal dynamics. You know, I could be like, oh, maybe it's just hitting this word, and we'll try it. We're like, ah, there it is. You know what I mean? Like he speaks the same language. He also did music comedy for years, you know, and and would host legendary shows at the comedy cellar for years, like before I was born. I don't know if you'd like me to say that. But you know, so right now he's my most influential mentor that I'm just so grateful for.

[29:32] Leah Walsh: Are there any lessons you've learned, artistic or personal lessons you've learned over the last two or three years that you're really proud of?

[29:41] Julia Ogilvie: I think trusting and following your enthusiasm. I think that's the biggest thing I've learned that is important and how to do it. Um, because I'm very ambitious, but sometimes it it uh is an obstacle to because I I am enthusiastic artistically about things that won't get me anything in the business, right? So I've learned to like honor my ambition and go, great, yes, I would love someday to have the certain jobs, right? But I also am gonna trust and follow where my enthusiasm takes me artistically, whether it'll book me anything or not. And ironically, following your enthusiasm and maintaining your enthusiasm greater than the obstacles of the business is what facilitates perseverance. And so I learned like great, I'm gonna pay attention.

If I want to go on the path of spoken word and somebody wants to pay me to do it, I'm gonna do that, even though it's not gonna get me a series regular role on a television show. And you know, music comedy, I did sketch comedy. I was on a house team um at Upright Citizens Brigade Theater for a year when I got back to New York, and and that's actually the first time an artistic interest uh like intersected with the business. Um, where the business really values UCB and artistically, I was really engaged with oh, sketch comedy, how do you do that? You know, and we were playing to sold out houses once a month, like club the club in Chelsea at the time, and um, but that was an example of like I wasn't working, but I was following my enthusiasm, and that facilitated uh continuing and not giving up. So that's the biggest thing I've learned is like just listening to the enthusiasm.

[31:31] Leah Walsh: That's such a good one. Um I mean, it sounds like you're a fan of like continuing to invest in classes and in training it to facilitate following your enthusiasm. Has that been important to you?

[31:45] Julia Ogilvie: Yeah, I I don't think of myself as brave. I think I'm a very scared person. But in another way, I uh I always love learning new areas I know nothing about. So even though um I you know, music com well, music comedy was a new frontier I'd never tried, then sketch comedy I'd never tried, and now stand up I'd never tried, you know. So I keep trying these new things. Um and uh I I don't know. I I just I I do love learning and I love I do love taking classes. Um yeah, to just expand and grow modes of expression.

[32:23] Leah Walsh: Yeah, I ad I admire that, and I feel like it's something I have to get back to because I think sometimes I can just be so worried about money that I don't want to spend the money on taking another class, or like right after school, I was so obsessed with like, well, I just spent all that money paying for Juilliard. I can't spend any more money on classes.

[32:43] Julia Ogilvie: A hundred percent. I totally get it. But obviously it helps refill your tank.

[32:50] Leah Walsh: Yeah.

[32:50] Julia Ogilvie: And open open new modes of expression.

[32:55] Leah Walsh: How is your mom artistic as well?

[32:58] Julia Ogilvie: She uh taught creative drama to children. Um she just retired. Um, and uh yeah, she's kind of creative vibe. Um, my dad a little bit more um was like an artist in the sense of like needing to direct and perform and teach to get that artistic satiation. You know, I think with artists, I think we're a bit of we're odd ducks, you know. It's like we need a satiation that's not, oh, let's go to the movies. Right. You know, it's it's we how do we get take the edge off and have the circulation happening, you know, by expressing ourselves through performance or what have you. My dad definitely was was had that uh quality, and I really identified and was close with him because of it.

[33:45] Leah Walsh: How did they feel about you deciding to pursue this for your career?

[33:50] Julia Ogilvie: I was lucky. Uh they're very supportive. Um, and I mean I I grew up on stage manager's laps because my dad and my mom were always in shows and um where my dad was directing something.

[34:02] Julia Ogilvie: So I was in rehearsal rooms since I was five, and I started doing voiceovers in third grade. Um, and yeah, I just said aloha, oi, oi, on our message machine, and some agent had called and like went, oh, there's a kid, let's put her in commercials. So I started doing voiceovers in third grade, you know. So it started very young, and um, yeah, they've always just been very supportive. Is there anything that you were really looking forward to talking about that I didn't ask you about so far?

[34:35] Julia Ogilvie: Well, not necessarily. I just think it is so incredible that you're exploring the darkness because I mean, yes, as actors we love to complain, but in another sense, we don't like to address the darkness. You know, I don't think we address it enough in certain ways. I think we're good at being like, why did that person get that? And why don't I have that audition? You know what I mean? And that's totally fair. But the deeper thing of like, okay, wait, why am I an asshole and not good at this and like all those things, like it's not explored enough. And I just think it's so incredible that you want to explore how we find light.

[35:20] Julia Ogilvie: Well, thank you. I mean, I've done a lot of these interviews, and I still haven't like necessarily solved a problem for myself. Um, and obviously we all end up going to the dark side at some point, but dealing with it the way as artists that it's such a constant cycle finding a way to deal with it. I'm really obsessed with that idea of like how can we do this in a healthy way for a long time?

[35:46] Julia Ogilvie: Absolutely, because there's a lot of ways to do it unhealthfully damage yourself. I've done some of those, yeah, but there's gotta be a way. Yeah, and the first step is consciousness of when we go to the dark side, and your podcast is destigmatizing that darkness and gaining like raising consciousness about it, um, which I think is so helpful and healing for artists, and I think it's also so great because how do we want to spend our life, right? If it's so relative of comparison, you know, like I don't know. Again, the example of like Tom Hanks is like, well, why don't I get to be Tom Cruise? You know what I mean? Or like, why do I only have two Oscars and that dude has three? You know what I mean?

So if there's gonna be comparison and chagrin at every level, I don't that's not how I want to spend my life, and it's not how you or any, you know, who wants to spend their life doing that? That you know, and so I just think it's so cool to consciously be like, great, then how do I want to spend my life? Well, that's not gonna change. How can I change my relationship to that reality?

[36:55] Julia Ogilvie: Yeah, and I hope that it is helpful to people in that way. Because I know I just found, you know, five years out of school or so that I just was like, I have to talk about this. I was tired of the, you know, all of the networking events where people were like, How are you? What's going on? You're like, oh, you know, just auditioning, everything's great. And it's like, actually, I'm really mad. I love it. I'm so frustrated, and I reached a point where I had to talk about it because I just bullshitting about it wasn't working anymore. It was just making me more miserable.

[37:33] Julia Ogilvie: Totally. I used to be like so scared to be truthful, and I would kind of just like puff up and try to put on a good show. Um, but now what's hilarious, a couple things. One thing is that I got to a point where I was honest. I just smile and go, I'm not working right now and I'm struggling.

[37:51] Julia Ogilvie: Yeah. And then people don't know how to deal with this. Yeah, what was the reaction? They're like, uh, because they expect you to take part in the peeing contest. Yeah. Oh, I'm doing those news. And there are some people who would judge you for that, but then there's a lot of people who are like, Oh, that's how I feel too. And I was also just putting on this fake smile. Because I didn't want it to get back to a casting director that things are not always easy for me, you know?

[38:15] Julia Ogilvie: Right. Right. It's so funny. Um, and it's also interesting that like in no other profession would somebody be like, What have you done? What are you doing? You know what I mean? Like, we I and also like because as like civilian pedestrians work all week and then they brag about what they've done on the weekend. And us as freelancers, we brag about when we're working.

[38:37] Julia Ogilvie: Right. And it's hard. It's so hard. Yeah, the peeing contest is real, you know, and I just chose to disengage in that. Um because it's exhausting. Do you think it's easier now that you're so physically distanced from a lot of your peers in LA or New York? Like, do you think distancing yourself physically has helped?

[39:03] Julia Ogilvie: I think so. I hadn't thought of that, but I do think so because for me, there's a recalibration happening in my head about what's important to me. And that is throwing me for a loop, but it's also beautiful. In the sense that, like, for me, now that I've been removed from New York, I'm like, okay, there's also my personal life. There's also taking days off. There's I'm a workaholic, I'm very ambitious, and so I don't know how to take a break. And I'm in Hawaii, and it's a be so I force myself to walk to the ocean. My fiance lives two blocks away from Waikiki from Waikiki Beach. And it's it doesn't I'd rather be I'm literally in the water, like it's time to relax, it's beautiful here, but I think of a new joke, and I'm like, I gotta go home.

[39:47] Julia Ogilvie: No, yeah, you swim and you like it. There's this paradise. Um but yeah, so I think you're at it. And like being there for my mom, she's just retired and you know, getting older in years, and just being there for her, building a life with my fiance, like just having a real personal and family life and enjoying friends, and it's a bit new for me because the hustle, again, it's like the hamster wheel on a treadmill in a trench, you know. Also amazing, you know, the there's a positive side to that of like growing exponentially because you're with the best artists, you know, all in it together, and we're working hard and hustling. That's beautiful. I'm just starting to value other things as well in a new way.

[40:30] Leah Walsh: What has your experience been like um when you do get a chance to work on productions that come to the island or things like that? Do you find that a lot of the productions that come to Hawaii to shoot are I don't know what the best I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking, are respectful, are interested, are treating the environment well, treating the people, the local hires there well?

[41:00] Julia Ogilvie: I've had positive experiences. I did um for Disney Plus just a couple of scenes for an episode of the new Dougie Doogie Houser reboot, Doogie Kamehaloha MD, and um it was a long day of shooting, and it was just so amazing because it was all local crew, and that felt really cool. You know, I felt very at home and they're just awesome. You know, they're so good at their job and like everything's so on point, but like it's like a chill, respectful vibe, like it was really cool. And then on Magnum PI I shot a scene and um and I recognize a lot of the crew people from Doogie, and uh and so that just felt really cool. Like we're just working, you know, and um, yeah, and I felt like the productions were respectful. Like there's a Hawaiian blessing you do when you begin shooting, you know, and and so like Doogie, I know they did that before they'd start the season and stuff like that. So yeah, I feel like these productions are respectful for sure.

[41:56] Leah Walsh: There's just two short questions that I usually ask right at the end. Um, the first one is if you do feel like you're in that place where you're going in the dark room with no light switch or you're feeling even just feeling uninspired or stuck. Are there any concrete things that you reach for again and again that can kind of help you get out of it? Like books that you reread or music you listen to or places you go. For me, it's stand up just to watch an artist on stage expressing themselves and making me laugh. Like I love the craft of that so much. That's an example of my enthusiasm and listening to it too as a concrete step to get me up and out of something. Um, and then I also don't isolate.

I make sure I reach out to somebody. That's a tool. Those are two very concrete things. I'll turn on a comedy special like Jim Gaffigan or something, very easy listening, you know, but brilliant. And then um, and or I choose to reach out and I'm just make sure I don't isolate.

[42:55] Leah Walsh: And then the last question is is there anything of any art form that you've consumed recently that you would like to recommend? Like a book, a TV show, anything.

[43:08] Julia Ogilvie: That's an amazing question. Um, what have I seen late? Honestly, I just did a gig last night, so I haven't been taking in. I've just been like drilling of like you know, um, let me try to like what have I seen lately? Oh my gosh, nothing comes to mind like I'm like a not impressed dog, like this is bad. How about a comedy special? One of your faves.

[43:31] Julia Ogilvie: You know, I have to say, um, it's a tie between Wanda Sykes special called Not Normal and then Michelle Wolf special. I was it, it's her latest one on Netflix. I think it's called Joke Show or something like that. Those two are tied for me. Just incredible.

[43:50] Leah Walsh: Okay, good. I'll have to check them out. I'm not I'm a little behind in my comedy education, so I will I will take those up.

[43:58] Leah Walsh: Well, Julia, thank you so much. I really appreciate you doing this.

[44:01] Julia Ogilvie: Oh, thank you so much for having me. It's been so nice.

[44:32] Leah Walsh: Also, if you have a moment, please review and follow in iTunes. Every little bit helps other listeners to find the podcast.

[44:46] Leah Walsh: Audio assistance from Monica Choxie, and a special thanks to Frankie J. Alvarez. See you next time.