This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Aabria Iyengar: Welcome back to Ale! And Well Met! I'm Aabria Iyengar.

[0:15] Madelyn Murphy: And I'm Madelyn Murphy.

[0:35] Alex Stompoly: I'm Alex Stompoly, and today we have a special episode for you.

[0:55] Aabria Iyengar: That's right! We're diving back into high school for another round of "For the Queen."

[1:15] Madelyn Murphy: It's going to get messy, just like high school should be.

[1:35] Alex Stompoly: And with all the aioli experimentation, who knows what will happen?

[1:55] Aabria Iyengar: Can our characters—Jessica, Sarah, Morgan, Tiffany, and Lil Vinnie—navigate the chaos of their prom queen drama?

[2:15] Madelyn Murphy: Hold on to your backpacks, everyone!

[2:35] Alex Stompoly: And make sure your lunch money is in order.

[2:55] Aabria Iyengar: It might just be time for a coup at Washington Monument High.

[3:15] Madelyn Murphy: Let's see how this all unfolds!

[3:35] Alex Stompoly: I'm excited to see what kind of trouble we get into today.

[3:55] Aabria Iyengar: So, without further ado, let's jump into the game!

[4:15] Madelyn Murphy: Here we go!

[4:35] Alex Stompoly: Alright, who wants to start us off?

[4:55] Aabria Iyengar: I think we should set the scene at the high school.

[5:15] Madelyn Murphy: Yes! Picture it: the bustling hallways, the lockers slamming, and the whispers of prom gossip.

[5:35] Alex Stompoly: And don't forget the aioli experimentation happening in the cafeteria!

[5:55] Aabria Iyengar: Right! That's where the drama really begins.

[6:15] Madelyn Murphy: So, what are our characters up to right now?

[6:35] Alex Stompoly: I think Jessica is trying to rally her friends for prom preparations.

[6:55] Aabria Iyengar: And Sarah—who's trying to go by that name now—might have some thoughts on that.

[7:15] Madelyn Murphy: Definitely! She's got her own agenda.

[7:35] Alex Stompoly: Meanwhile, Morgan is probably just trying to keep the peace.

[7:55] Aabria Iyengar: And Tiffany is all about the drama, as usual.

[8:15] Madelyn Murphy: Lil Vinnie is just trying to survive high school!

[8:35] Alex Stompoly: It's a tough world out there for a young guy.

[8:55] Aabria Iyengar: Alright, let's get into character and see how this plays out!

[9:15] Madelyn Murphy: I'm ready for the chaos!

[9:35] Alex Stompoly: Me too! Let's do this!

[9:55] Aabria Iyengar: And remember, audience, you control the action!

[10:15] Madelyn Murphy: So, what do you want to see happen next?

[10:35] Alex Stompoly: Let's make some high school memories!

[10:55] Aabria Iyengar: Here we go!

[13:42] Aabria Iyengar: I went with a much sleeker A-line because it works better for my height and body type.

[13:51] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[14:01] Aabria Iyengar: The Queen made a dire threat before this journey to promdom began. Do you think she'll carry it out?

[14:08] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[14:38] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[15:08] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[15:38] Aabria Iyengar: What specific restraints has our Prom Queen placed on you that don't apply to anyone else?

[16:09] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[16:22] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[16:29] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[16:39] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[16:48] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[16:53] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[17:07] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[17:11] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[17:42] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[17:51] Maddie Murphy: No further questions!

[17:55] Vincent Stompoly: Morgan!

[18:26] Aabria Iyengar: How did you share the s'more?

[18:28] Maddie Murphy: I'm sorry.

[18:29] Aabria Iyengar: No, I like that.

[18:31] Maddie Murphy: That was Jasmine jumping out going, no, hold on.

[18:34] Aabria Iyengar: You see, that's the thing.

[18:37] Maddie Murphy: She actually got messy with me.

[18:40] Aabria Iyengar: You can't share a s'more cleanly.

[18:43] Aabria Iyengar: By design, it's sticky and it's gooey and it's raw and it's real. And, again, we went behind the pine grove.

[18:51] Aabria Iyengar: And she just, in that moment, was really, really vulnerable with me as we just chomped on that s'more.

[18:59] Aabria Iyengar: Also, she ingested, like, most of it.

[19:02] Aabria Iyengar: Meaning, like, she took in calories, which is crazy.

[19:05] Vincent Stompoly: Your SAT prep is going so well, too.

[19:07] Aabria Iyengar: Ingested is like a whole word.

[19:09] Maddie Murphy: Thank you!

[19:10] Aabria Iyengar: Also, she told me that she can't eat gluten, so what the fuck?

[19:14] Maddie Murphy: What?

[19:15] Vincent Stompoly: Okay.

[19:16] Maddie Murphy: That's a lie?

[19:17] Aabria Iyengar: Is there gluten in graham cracker?

[19:21] Maddie Murphy: Yes.

[19:22] Vincent Stompoly: Okay.

[19:23] Vincent Stompoly: Sweet.

[19:24] Vincent Stompoly: There's gluten in anything crispy, Vinny.

[19:26] Vincent Stompoly: Jesus.

[19:27] Aabria Iyengar: What's a graham?

[19:29] Vincent Stompoly: A cracker in crackers.

[19:31] Vincent Stompoly: It's Spanish for cracker.

[19:33] Aabria Iyengar: SAT prep is going really well.

[19:35] Vincent Stompoly: It's like an ounce in Europe.

[19:36] Maddie Murphy: God damn it.

[19:37] Vincent Stompoly: Focus in class.

[19:38] Maddie Murphy: No, I'm sorry.

[19:39] Vincent Stompoly: It's hard.

[19:40] Vincent Stompoly: The rates are fluctuating on how much a graham is, really.

[19:42] Vincent Stompoly: My dealer says it's gone up just a little.

[19:44] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, my God, Morgan!

[19:47] Vincent Stompoly: Sweet, Morgan.

[19:48] Vincent Stompoly: Always, man, Morgan.

[19:49] Vincent Stompoly: Plug comes through, man.

[19:50] Vincent Stompoly: Appreciate it.

[19:51] Aabria Iyengar: Actually, just to clarify, for anybody who's gluten intolerant, barley, oats, and rye do not contain gluten.

[19:56] Maddie Murphy: Wait, oats totally do.

[19:57] Maddie Murphy: Never mind.

[19:58] Maddie Murphy: Fuck me.

[19:59] Aabria Iyengar: Go ahead.

[20:00] Aabria Iyengar: Okay.

[20:01] Aabria Iyengar: Let's see.

[20:02] Aabria Iyengar: Some oatmeal doesn't.

[20:04] Aabria Iyengar: You're right.

[20:05] Maddie Murphy: But it has to be processed correctly.

[20:06] Aabria Iyengar: Thank you, Tiffany.

[20:07] Maddie Murphy: No, thanks.

[20:08] Maddie Murphy: I care about food.

[20:10] Maddie Murphy: Tiffany.

[20:12] Aabria Iyengar: When was the last time the queen used you?

[20:16] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah, Vinny.

[20:18] Vincent Stompoly: I mean, she's, like, insatiable, man.

[20:20] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah!

[20:22] Vincent Stompoly: It's nuts.

[20:23] Maddie Murphy: You're nuts?

[20:25] Vincent Stompoly: Sometimes I'm like, yeah, they're involved, man.

[20:28] Vincent Stompoly: Sometimes I'm just like, Crystal, I'm more than just a piece of giant football-playing meat, you know?

[20:34] Vincent Stompoly: I have thoughts and feelings.

[20:40] Vincent Stompoly: I want to know what they make graham crackers out of.

[20:42] Vincent Stompoly: I'm curious about the world.

[20:45] Vincent Stompoly: Like, what are the stars doing?

[20:47] Vincent Stompoly: How do we get up there?

[20:49] Vincent Stompoly: But she never talks to me about any of that stuff.

[20:52] Vincent Stompoly: It's just like, make sure you get the limo.

[20:54] Vincent Stompoly: Make sure you're wearing the right tux.

[20:56] Vincent Stompoly: Be there.

[20:57] Vincent Stompoly: Carry my books.

[21:00] Vincent Stompoly: You know, and I'm happy to be near her.

[21:01] Vincent Stompoly: It's cool.

[21:03] Aabria Iyengar: The stars, how do we get there?

[21:06] Aabria Iyengar: Wait, Vinny, you, like, totally know about 1969, right?

[21:09] Aabria Iyengar: Do you know that rockets exist?

[21:12] Vincent Stompoly: What?

[21:15] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, you're one of those people that thinks we went to the moon.

[21:16] Aabria Iyengar: No way, dude.

[21:18] Aabria Iyengar: Also, Vinny.

[21:21] Aabria Iyengar: They filmed that in Hollywood with tinfoil or whatever.

[21:23] Aabria Iyengar: My dad said.

[21:24] Vincent Stompoly: You mean Big Vin?

[21:26] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah, Big Vinny.

[21:30] Aabria Iyengar: Vinny, you also said that she asked you to wear a tux and carry her books.

[21:31] Aabria Iyengar: Was the tux just not for prom?

[21:33] Vincent Stompoly: Are you supposed to be wearing that the entire time?

[21:34] Vincent Stompoly: I'm wearing a tux right now, dude.

[21:37] Vincent Stompoly: I've been wearing a tux the second that we got the prom date.

[21:41] Vincent Stompoly: Prom invitations came in, tux on Vinny at school all day.

[21:42] Aabria Iyengar: I kind of dig it.

[21:43] Aabria Iyengar: I look like James Bond.

[21:45] Maddie Murphy: Yeah.

[21:46] Maddie Murphy: We do.

[21:47] Maddie Murphy: We should probably have a thing.

[21:48] Maddie Murphy: Like, do you think maybe you're, like, just, like, a little bit colorblind?

[21:50] Maddie Murphy: Because I do think you're wearing black and off black.

[21:52] Maddie Murphy: Just to.

[21:53] Maddie Murphy: I just want to bring that up because I know Crystal will be so upset.

[21:56] Vincent Stompoly: I mean, this is the one she gave me.

[21:58] Vincent Stompoly: Is it?

[21:59] Maddie Murphy: Oh, man.

[22:00] Maddie Murphy: Is it fading or something?

[22:01] Vincent Stompoly: I do have to wash the pants more often than I wash the blazer because.

[22:04] Vincent Stompoly: Lunch is hard sometimes, man.

[22:06] Maddie Murphy: Get the ketchup.

[22:07] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, I thought.

[22:08] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, honey, you're not supposed to be washing that.

[22:10] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[22:11] Aabria Iyengar: Not like in the laundry.

[22:12] Aabria Iyengar: They're dry clean only.

[22:13] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah.

[22:14] Vincent Stompoly: Oh.

[22:15] Vincent Stompoly: That's like wool.

[22:16] Maddie Murphy: That's why it looks a little tight.

[22:18] Maddie Murphy: Your wool tux pants.

[22:20] Aabria Iyengar: Let me be clear.

[22:21] Aabria Iyengar: Listen to Tiffany.

[22:22] Aabria Iyengar: It looks a little tight, but you look great.

[22:24] Vincent Stompoly: Thank you.

[22:25] Vincent Stompoly: Thank you.

[22:26] Vincent Stompoly: I've been, like, really leg day every day.

[22:28] Vincent Stompoly: All day.

[22:29] Maddie Murphy: Final question on the tuxedo.

[22:31] Maddie Murphy: Is it a rental?

[22:33] Maddie Murphy: Is it a rental?

[22:34] Maddie Murphy: Because if so, the men's warehouse charges a $20 late fee for each day that it is late.

[22:38] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah.

[22:39] Vincent Stompoly: Oh, man.

[22:40] Vincent Stompoly: I don't know, dude.

[22:41] Vincent Stompoly: Big Vinny's going to be pissed at me when he gets this bill.

[22:43] Vincent Stompoly: Very expensive endeavor.

[22:44] Maddie Murphy: There's no way that they're going to accept it back after you washed it in the washer.

[22:46] Aabria Iyengar: I mean.

[22:47] Aabria Iyengar: Hey.

[22:48] Aabria Iyengar: There is a cleaning fee attached already.

[22:49] Vincent Stompoly: Hey.

[22:50] Vincent Stompoly: Hey, Lil Vin.

[22:51] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah.

[22:52] Aabria Iyengar: Also, just real quick.

[22:53] Aabria Iyengar: To deviate away from the tux, but seriously deal with that.

[22:57] Aabria Iyengar: Would you say that you and Crystal are still, like, in super love?

[23:01] Vincent Stompoly: Oh, dude.

[23:02] Vincent Stompoly: She's my world.

[23:03] Vincent Stompoly: Like.

[23:04] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah.

[23:05] Vincent Stompoly: Like, I can get to the stars because, like, she's my star.

[23:08] Aabria Iyengar: Wow.

[23:09] Maddie Murphy: Yep.

[23:10] Maddie Murphy: So romantic.

[23:11] Aabria Iyengar: Okay.

[23:12] Vincent Stompoly: I wrote her a poem one time.

[23:13] Maddie Murphy: What was it?

[23:14] Aabria Iyengar: Wow.

[23:15] Maddie Murphy: Do it right now.

[23:16] Vincent Stompoly: Okay.

[23:17] Vincent Stompoly: Was it when we did the haiku section in English?

[23:18] Vincent Stompoly: It was.

[23:19] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah.

[23:20] Vincent Stompoly: And I was like, this is sweet because five and seven are easy things to count to.

[23:24] Maddie Murphy: Yeah.

[23:25] Maddie Murphy: Yeah.

[23:27] Vincent Stompoly: She is totally my star in the sky.

[23:31] Vincent Stompoly: My crystal.

[23:32] Vincent Stompoly: Totally my star.

[23:35] Maddie Murphy: Wow.

[23:36] Maddie Murphy: Wow.

[23:37] Maddie Murphy: It's pretty deep, man.

[23:39] Aabria Iyengar: But, like, she read it and she was like, uh, thanks.

[23:42] Vincent Stompoly: I don't.

[23:43] Vincent Stompoly: I think she threw it in the trash.

[23:46] Maddie Murphy: Oh, no.

[23:47] Aabria Iyengar: Anyway.

[23:48] Aabria Iyengar: Well, I just feel like, you know, just.

[23:53] Aabria Iyengar: She might be your star, but, like, you know, there are others who can be your moon.

[23:57] Aabria Iyengar: And I just feel like keep yourself open.

[23:58] Vincent Stompoly: We didn't go to the moon, man.

[24:00] Vincent Stompoly: Big Vinny knows.

[24:01] Aabria Iyengar: We went to the moon.

[24:02] Aabria Iyengar: Your dad is horrible.

[24:04] Vincent Stompoly: No.

[24:05] Vincent Stompoly: My dad's the man, and he's going to build a rocket, and we're going to prove that the earth is flat.

[24:09] Maddie Murphy: Tiffany.

[24:10] Maddie Murphy: Tiffany, you are seeing this, right?

[24:11] Maddie Murphy: She is absolutely making a move on me.

[24:13] Maddie Murphy: She's in love with him.

[24:14] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, my God.

[24:15] Maddie Murphy: Do you want to go tell Crystal?

[24:17] Aabria Iyengar: I would love to tell Crystal.

[24:19] Maddie Murphy: Let's go.

[24:20] Aabria Iyengar: She's going to hate this.

[24:21] Maddie Murphy: Yes!

[24:22] Maddie Murphy: That's one loop.

[24:26] Aabria Iyengar: This game is perfect.

[24:27] Aabria Iyengar: I love it so much.

[24:32] Aabria Iyengar: Serving the queen is my duty.

[24:34] Maddie Murphy: Yeah!

[24:35] Aabria Iyengar: Oh!

[24:36] Aabria Iyengar: The guards tell a story.

[24:38] Aabria Iyengar: What do you do for her?

[24:40] Maddie Murphy: That is also my pleasure.

[24:43] Aabria Iyengar: Oh.

[24:45] Maddie Murphy: Sounds more like my job, but okay.

[24:47] Aabria Iyengar: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

[24:49] Aabria Iyengar: Okay, well, obviously, I really don't mind holding her seat at lunch every single day and then waiting until she gets everything and goes through the entire line so that I have to go last at the end of the line every time because it feels really good for me to be useful, and so I just don't mind sitting there the whole time.

[25:11] Maddie Murphy: Honestly, you can get really creative when you go last at lunch about what you're getting and what you can create and make. You know what I mean?

[25:20] Aabria Iyengar: No, it is.

[25:21] Aabria Iyengar: I love it.

[25:22] Maddie Murphy: What's the most creative thing that you've ever...

[25:24] Maddie Murphy: What's the culinary last plate that you're the most proud of?

[25:29] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, yeah. Obviously, you know that we had the mozzarella sticks, but it was...

[25:34] Maddie Murphy: Hard to get.

[25:35] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah, so the mozzarella sticks were there because it was also barbecue day.

[25:40] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah, so everyone had gotten a bunch of barbecue chicken, and there wasn't a whole lot of stuff left.

[25:44] Aabria Iyengar: So what I did is instead of using the ranch that I was going to dip the mozzarella sticks in, I used that on my salad, and then I used barbecue sauce for my mozzarella sticks, and I think it changed the game.

[25:57] Maddie Murphy: Wow.

[25:58] Aabria Iyengar: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

[25:59] Maddie Murphy: Yeah, that was really brave of you to...

[26:01] Aabria Iyengar: Thank you.

[26:02] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[26:03] Aabria Iyengar: I like trying new flavor combinations.

[26:04] Maddie Murphy: It was amazing.

[26:05] Aabria Iyengar: Sometimes when you do that mayo mustard and you make a smiley face on your plate and then you just scoop it up with your fingies...

[26:10] Maddie Murphy: It's an aioli.

[26:11] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[26:13] Aabria Iyengar: I love it when you just have condiment days, you know?

[26:21] Maddie Murphy: I really wanna go to culinary school.

[26:23] Aabria Iyengar: I'm gonna be the next James Beard winner.

[26:26] Maddie Murphy: That's sick.

[26:29] Aabria Iyengar: So I've always loved Tiff's Table, but I do have a question.

[26:33] Maddie Murphy: Mm-hmm.

[26:34] Aabria Iyengar: So when you were enjoying your sort of...

[26:36] Maddie Murphy: Tiff's Table, thank you.

[26:37] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[26:38] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[26:39] Aabria Iyengar: Thank you for having your mustard aioli.

[26:44] Aabria Iyengar: How did Crystal react when you told her that Jessica...

[26:49] Aabria Iyengar: That Jessica was hitting on Vinny last night when we were all talking?

[26:54] Maddie Murphy: Stop it.

[26:55] Aabria Iyengar: What are you doing, ISIS?

[26:58] Maddie Murphy: A question the federal government's been asking for years.

[27:03] Aabria Iyengar: Something I learned on my free Wednesday nights.

[27:07] Aabria Iyengar: We all know that ISIS was conceived in Egypt. Her parents were on a really cool honeymoon in Egypt and then she was conceived there and that's why she's named really cool.

[27:18] Aabria Iyengar: I'm not gonna say that over and over again on the pod.

[27:24] Aabria Iyengar: It's okay, I asked everyone to call me Sarah.

[27:29] Maddie Murphy: We can't even shorten it to Ice, because it's still the worst.

[27:33] Aabria Iyengar: Ice to Sarah.

[27:34] Maddie Murphy: Maybe it's worse if we shorten it.

[27:37] Aabria Iyengar: I just...

[27:38] Maddie Murphy: Go from international to domestic terrorist.

[27:41] Aabria Iyengar: Sis? Could you just do sis?

[27:43] Maddie Murphy: I'm black.

[27:45] Aabria Iyengar: I cannot have this very white high school all being like, hey, sis.

[27:49] Maddie Murphy: That's fair.

[27:51] Aabria Iyengar: Also too bold to assume gender. They don't have to be sis, they can be whatever they want.

[27:57] Maddie Murphy: Welcome, I have Wednesday nights for you.

[28:01] Aabria Iyengar: Phineas just tried to get mustard stains out of his great pants.

[28:04] Maddie Murphy: Okay, so Sarah with an I.

[28:09] Aabria Iyengar: I haven't made it that far in SAT prep, I don't know what AOLI is.

[28:16] Maddie Murphy: Answer the question!

[28:17] Aabria Iyengar: I forgot the question, it was so long ago.

[28:19] Maddie Murphy: What did she say?

[28:20] Aabria Iyengar: What did Crystal say when you told her that Jessica was hitting on Vinny last night?

[28:25] Maddie Murphy: Why would you say that?

[28:27] Aabria Iyengar: Okay, so I told her.

[28:28] Maddie Murphy: So I got on the call, and then remember I three-wayed you quietly so that she didn't know that you were on the call.

[28:33] Aabria Iyengar: And then, as you remember, so we were sitting on the phone and I was like, hey girl, I have something important to tell you.

[28:39] Maddie Murphy: I was like, so turns out, like, Vinny was talking about his pants the other day.

[28:45] Aabria Iyengar: I don't know why he kept talking about his pants.

[28:47] Maddie Murphy: You guys are asking me, but...

[28:51] Aabria Iyengar: Doubtful.

[28:53] Maddie Murphy: No, you guys totally were.

[28:56] Aabria Iyengar: I can't remember the names.

[28:58] Maddie Murphy: Oh, so Jessica.

[28:59] Aabria Iyengar: You have Tiffany.

[29:01] Maddie Murphy: And that's Vinny.

[29:04] Aabria Iyengar: Morgan, Jessica, Vinny, Tiffany.

[29:07] Maddie Murphy: So then Jessica was like, you know, Crystal might be your stars, but I could be your moon.

[29:14] Aabria Iyengar: And so she was saying I'm easier to get to.

[29:18] Maddie Murphy: And that was, like, so messed up.

[29:20] Aabria Iyengar: I was reading between the lines.

[29:25] Maddie Murphy: Not related to the topic at hand, but another question, because I'm curious.

[29:29] Aabria Iyengar: How does it make you feel that you have to go last at lunch and often maybe eating meager scraps left by Crystal, and then she has the audacity, SAT word, to tell you that something's not right for your body?

[29:43] Maddie Murphy: Um, as you know, I have two calorie count.

[29:50] Aabria Iyengar: So she is helping me out.

[29:53] Maddie Murphy: Because if I don't, my mom is going to be really weird about things.

[29:56] Aabria Iyengar: She's just helping me.

[29:59] Maddie Murphy: Listen.

[30:00] Aabria Iyengar: Okay.

[30:04] Maddie Murphy: Okay.

[30:06] Aabria Iyengar: We're not going to push.

[30:07] Maddie Murphy: I just wanted to clarify.

[30:09] Aabria Iyengar: I just wanted to clarify.

[30:10] Maddie Murphy: I wasn't saying that I was the moon.

[30:13] Aabria Iyengar: I just was pointing out just a variety.

[30:16] Maddie Murphy: I want to be so clear.

[30:18] Aabria Iyengar: This happened behind your back.

[30:21] Maddie Murphy: I know.

[30:22] Aabria Iyengar: But, like, I'm right here.

[30:23] Maddie Murphy: You often talk about me in front of me, Sarah Isis.

[30:26] Aabria Iyengar: And I am.

[30:27] Maddie Murphy: Okay.

[30:28] Aabria Iyengar: Jessica Vincent.

[30:30] Maddie Murphy: I know just because you share a name with Vinny that you think you have a chance here.

[30:34] Aabria Iyengar: But we were having an A and B conversation.

[30:37] Maddie Murphy: And I need you to see your way out of it.

[30:39] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, you're great.

[30:45] Maddie Murphy: Also, I just want to read.

[30:51] Aabria Iyengar: I don't want people to freak out because I'm just trying to make weight in dance class.

[30:55] Maddie Murphy: Oh, my God.

[30:58] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, wait. What kind of dance class?

[31:01] Maddie Murphy: Lift class.

[31:02] Aabria Iyengar: You have to lift me all the time.

[31:04] Maddie Murphy: Ballet.

[31:05] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[31:07] Maddie Murphy: You've heard of barre class. This is lift class.

[31:10] Aabria Iyengar: Wow.

[31:11] Maddie Murphy: I just want you to know I see you.

[31:12] Aabria Iyengar: Thank you.

[31:13] Maddie Murphy: Welcome.

[31:15] Aabria Iyengar: And that's the problem.

[31:16] Maddie Murphy: Keep dieting until Morgan can't.

[31:19] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, my God.

[31:25] Maddie Murphy: I will say you once turned sideways and I panicked.

[31:28] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, my God.

[31:29] Maddie Murphy: You're doing it.

[31:31] Aabria Iyengar: By the way, has your ankle healed since you fell through that grate?

[31:37] Maddie Murphy: Because that was devastating.

[31:39] Aabria Iyengar: Devastating.

[31:40] Maddie Murphy: But you did collect everyone's AirPods and nickels that day.

[31:43] Aabria Iyengar: So that was really nice.

[31:44] Maddie Murphy: Because I love feeling helpful.

[31:47] Aabria Iyengar: And you guys, it's fine. Everything's really good.

[31:49] Maddie Murphy: I am one stomach bug away from my goal weight.

[31:52] Aabria Iyengar: Thank you.

[31:54] Maddie Murphy: Yes.

[31:56] Aabria Iyengar: Amazing.

[31:57] Maddie Murphy: All right.

[31:59] Aabria Iyengar: The queen has ordered you not to speak to another member of the retinue.

[32:03] Maddie Murphy: Who?

[32:04] Aabria Iyengar: Do you know why?

[32:07] Maddie Murphy: Okay. I don't know what happened. But the other day, I think it was like Wednesday.

[32:15] Aabria Iyengar: Crystal came up to me and was like, we're not talking to Morgan anymore.

[32:19] Maddie Murphy: And I don't know why.

[32:20] Aabria Iyengar: Because Morgan is like my straight up favorite.

[32:24] Maddie Murphy: And Crystal refused to explain.

[32:27] Aabria Iyengar: But far be it for me to disobey order.

[32:31] Maddie Murphy: Oh, my God. S.A.T.

[32:33] Aabria Iyengar: Far be it from me. That's a phrase, not a word.

[32:39] Maddie Murphy: That's okay. Not everyone has Wednesday nights free.

[32:43] Aabria Iyengar: I can't respond.

[32:44] Maddie Murphy: I can't respond.

[32:52] Aabria Iyengar: We have so many classes together. And I just stare like forlorn.

[32:57] Maddie Murphy: Girl, tell me.

[32:58] Aabria Iyengar: I'll tell him.

[32:59] Maddie Murphy: Okay.

[33:00] Aabria Iyengar: Okay.

[33:01] Maddie Murphy: We him.

[33:02] Aabria Iyengar: Sure.

[33:03] Maddie Murphy: I'm sorry.

[33:04] Aabria Iyengar: No, I like learning about myself as well.

[33:09] Maddie Murphy: I thought.

[33:10] Aabria Iyengar: I assumed some things, too.

[33:11] Maddie Murphy: Yeah.

[33:15] Aabria Iyengar: You were saying.

[33:17] Maddie Murphy: Okay.

[33:18] Aabria Iyengar: So, wait. What did you want to tell Morgan?

[33:20] Maddie Murphy: Okay. Can you just tell Morgan that, like, I thought that the thing that they said at the beginning of, like, free period was so funny.

[33:28] Aabria Iyengar: I don't remember what it was anymore because I was thinking about snacks.

[33:32] Maddie Murphy: But.

[33:33] Aabria Iyengar: Morgan, you got a big laugh. You're funny.

[33:34] Maddie Murphy: Was this during free period?

[33:37] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[33:38] Maddie Murphy: Oh, I don't remember what I said.

[33:39] Aabria Iyengar: But it was so funny.

[33:42] Maddie Murphy: It was so funny, though.

[33:43] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, thanks.

[33:44] Maddie Murphy: And I think just, like, throughout the rest of this week, anytime you look over Sarah, it just looks like doing the widow's walk at the edge of the shore.

[33:54] Aabria Iyengar: Like, when will my Morgan return from the war?

[33:57] Maddie Murphy: I have wondered why your gaze has been more forlorn this week.

[34:01] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, my God. Please tell Morgan that her SAT words are so good.

[34:06] Maddie Murphy: I feel like Sarah is the interior of your locker, has all the friendship photos and whatnot in the photo booth, and Morgan is featured prominently.

[34:13] Aabria Iyengar: And every time you open the locker, you go, ah!

[34:17] Maddie Murphy: You said forlorn, by the way, you said forlorn gaze.

[34:20] Aabria Iyengar: And then I just imagined a very sad pride parade.

[34:24] Maddie Murphy: I was the grand marshal of that one.

[34:27] Aabria Iyengar: It was very morose, which is to say that was the street we walked down.

[34:34] Maddie Murphy: Moro street.

[34:35] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah, it was the street with that really cute cafe that just opened.

[34:39] Maddie Murphy: Morgan and I would love to go there sometime when we're not, when we're allowed to talk to each other again.

[34:44] Aabria Iyengar: When you're allowed to talk again, you want to go to the cafe?

[34:47] Maddie Murphy: Oh, the one on Moroes?

[34:48] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[34:49] Maddie Murphy: Yeah, it's really cute.

[34:52] Aabria Iyengar: I don't know why Crystal would put a rule like that in place, but who am I to question the, oh, I'm so frustrated.

[35:03] Maddie Murphy: I can't even think of an SAT word.

[35:05] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, my God, I'm frustrated.

[35:07] Maddie Murphy: I was going to give you multiple choice, but.

[35:10] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, I love quiz.

[35:12] Maddie Murphy: Morgan's so smart.

[35:14] Aabria Iyengar: A, sad.

[35:15] Maddie Murphy: Okay.

[35:16] Aabria Iyengar: B, bummer.

[35:18] Maddie Murphy: C, super bummer.

[35:21] Aabria Iyengar: D, all of the above.

[35:27] Maddie Murphy: I think it's very much a D feeling.

[35:29] Aabria Iyengar: I feel you, dude.

[35:30] Maddie Murphy: Of course you picked D.

[35:31] Aabria Iyengar: It's a non-gender dude, by the way.

[35:33] Maddie Murphy: Oh, it's very fine.

[35:34] Aabria Iyengar: Listen, life's a journey. I'm still learning.

[35:37] Maddie Murphy: I just, yeah, well.

[35:40] Aabria Iyengar: Okay, I didn't want to say this in front of her, but.

[35:43] Maddie Murphy: Which her?

[35:44] Aabria Iyengar: Crystal.

[35:45] Maddie Murphy: Okay.

[35:46] Aabria Iyengar: I think Crystal's trying to ice you out.

[35:49] Maddie Murphy: We go by Sarah now.

[35:50] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[35:57] Maddie Murphy: I'll see myself out.

[35:58] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[35:59] Maddie Murphy: Oh, no, another one.

[36:06] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, I'm crying.

[36:07] Maddie Murphy: The attack card's way down there, too.

[36:09] Aabria Iyengar: We are going to.

[36:11] Maddie Murphy: Stop actually crying.

[36:12] Aabria Iyengar: We're going to do a whole fucking season of Riverdale before we.

[36:17] Maddie Murphy: I'm also.

[36:18] Aabria Iyengar: Very emotional right now.

[36:19] Maddie Murphy: I'm obsessed with the.

[36:21] Aabria Iyengar: I'm obsessed with the flow that we had to go through.

[36:23] Maddie Murphy: The Fred group of Isis went to ice, went to.

[36:25] Aabria Iyengar: It's Sarah now.

[36:26] Maddie Murphy: It has to be Sarah.

[36:28] Aabria Iyengar: We kept pivoting into trouble.

[36:31] Maddie Murphy: I watched the news that one time, and I went.

[36:33] Aabria Iyengar: We cannot call me either of these names.

[36:35] Maddie Murphy: No.

[36:36] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, my God, you watched the news.

[36:38] Maddie Murphy: Yeah, I had you for a report.

[36:41] Aabria Iyengar: On what?

[36:42] Maddie Murphy: Current events.

[36:43] Aabria Iyengar: Okay.

[36:44] Maddie Murphy: Yeah.

[36:45] Aabria Iyengar: Current events.

[36:46] Maddie Murphy: Have you not been to high school?

[36:48] Aabria Iyengar: The reports are stupid.

[36:49] Maddie Murphy: No, I'm here.

[36:51] Aabria Iyengar: The queen ordered you to do something you knew you would regret.

[36:54] Maddie Murphy: Have you forgiven yourself for doing it?

[36:57] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, no.

[36:59] Maddie Murphy: Morgan.

[37:01] Aabria Iyengar: The short answer is no.

[37:09] Maddie Murphy: The much longer answer will be revealed with time.

[37:13] Aabria Iyengar: Okay.

[37:15] Maddie Murphy: Look, Morgan.

[37:16] Aabria Iyengar: I know.

[37:17] Maddie Murphy: I know Crystal said to not talk to you, but like, I, I, I want to level with you.

[37:22] Aabria Iyengar: Okay.

[37:23] Maddie Murphy: I want you to know you can talk to me because I think I'm on the outs anyway.

[37:26] Aabria Iyengar: I'm listening.

[37:27] Maddie Murphy: Okay.

[37:28] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, you want me to talk now?

[37:29] Maddie Murphy: Yeah.

[37:30] Aabria Iyengar: Okay.

[37:31] Maddie Murphy: I'm a safe space.

[37:35] Aabria Iyengar: So I've been feeling really conflicted about it because I tell Crystal everything.

[37:39] Maddie Murphy: And even if that means the detriment of other people in my life, because like, you're supposed to hyper focus on the one person.

[37:45] Aabria Iyengar: That's healthy.

[37:46] Maddie Murphy: Thank you.

[37:47] Aabria Iyengar: And, um, I was the one who, I told her where Tiffany was getting the dress from.

[37:54] Maddie Murphy: Wait, what?

[37:56] Aabria Iyengar: She never would have gone with you if I hadn't have told her where you were going.

[38:00] Maddie Murphy: She, like, that dress looked really good on you.

[38:03] Aabria Iyengar: And it would have looked really pretty.

[38:05] Maddie Murphy: And she wasn't going to have that.

[38:07] Aabria Iyengar: And like, so that's why she went.

[38:10] Maddie Murphy: And that's why she, I don't know.

[38:11] Aabria Iyengar: I mean, like, some people would say like bully.

[38:13] Maddie Murphy: I would say like politely convinced through negative tactics for you to go get another dress.

[38:20] Aabria Iyengar: I'm just really sorry.

[38:22] Maddie Murphy: No, it's totally okay, Morgan. I'm totally over it because I looked very good in that very simple A-line that wasn't sparkly at all.

[38:28] Aabria Iyengar: Well, like sometimes like the person can sparkle more than the fabric.

[38:32] Maddie Murphy: This is making me feel better. Thank you.

[38:34] Aabria Iyengar: That was really, that was really poetic.

[38:37] Maddie Murphy: Can you tell Morgan I said that? That's a really nice way to like sort of restore the friendship.

[38:43] Aabria Iyengar: I just want to hug someone.

[38:45] Maddie Murphy: I can't even hear talk anymore.

[38:49] Aabria Iyengar: Here, here, here, here.

[38:51] Maddie Murphy: I can't make a big public display, but we'll touch the eyes.

[38:55] Aabria Iyengar: Okay.

[38:56] Maddie Murphy: I'm going to sit next to you.

[38:57] Aabria Iyengar: Here we go.

[38:59] Maddie Murphy: Jessica's doing it again.

[39:01] Aabria Iyengar: Here.

[39:02] Maddie Murphy: By the way, everyone. I really, really like your hip huggers.

[39:07] Aabria Iyengar: She should just play a contact sport already.

[39:09] Maddie Murphy: Play a contact sport, turtle!

[39:12] Aabria Iyengar: Also, Morgan, do you think that I should join the men's wrestling team?

[39:18] Maddie Murphy: Which you are on?

[39:20] Aabria Iyengar: The, join the, what?

[39:23] Maddie Murphy: The men's wrestling team.

[39:25] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, I mean like listen, I have found like absolute great success in it. Also, I love a singlet.

[39:28] Maddie Murphy: I'm hoping to not long, or be like a singlet, like a doublet.

[39:33] Aabria Iyengar: Oh wait, hold on.

[39:34] Maddie Murphy: Oh my God, Renaissance!

[39:36] Aabria Iyengar: I said doublet, that's a T word.

[39:38] Maddie Murphy: Morgan, you're so funny!

[39:41] Aabria Iyengar: But I think if it would make you happy, chase after that joy.

[39:46] Maddie Murphy: I should chase my joy.

[39:48] Aabria Iyengar: Thank you, Morgan. To the moon, baby.

[39:51] Maddie Murphy: The queen once asked you why you serve her. Did she get an honest answer?

[40:03] Aabria Iyengar: Okay. That night at Timothy's bonfire, when we shared that s'more, we didn't just share the s'more.

[40:16] Maddie Murphy: She was like, hey, let's lady in the trampet. And I went, what does that even mean? My fourth divorced parents didn't let me watch TV. They said it would encourage bad morals.

[40:30] Aabria Iyengar: Okay, so don't tell anyone, don't tell Vinny, because I know everybody thinks that I'm into him, but it's just that I feel bad for him, because Crystal and I kissed that night.

[40:44] Maddie Murphy: Oh, sick.

[40:47] Aabria Iyengar: And it was the marshmallow tendril, and at first I was like, oh, that's just a mistake. She didn't mean to. I mean, she's Crystal. And then it turns out that, like, I think that she kissed me back. And to be honest, it was, like, mostly tongue, which I think is how you're supposed to kiss.

[41:05] Aabria Iyengar: You know what? I am so- I'm gonna say it. Fuck Crystal. I could not remember her name. Fuck Crystal.

[41:15] Jasmine Malave: I think Tiffany should be the new Queen Bee of George Washington Monument High School in Oregon.

[41:25] Madelyn Murphy: Team mascot, The Obelisks. G-W-M-H-S. I-O. Incorporated. Go Obbies. Go Obbs, dude. We're tall, we're strong, we're skinny and weird. We're The Obelisks. Let's fight.

[41:43] Alex Stompoly: The worst part is when we make big posters and stuff that say, Go Obbs. If you don't put the spacing right, it just looks like goobs.

[41:53] Aabria Iyengar: And that's why- yeah, goobs. Goobs. You fucking grabbed the microphone to get that.

[41:59] Jasmine Malave: Well, it's an important incident that we have to talk about because the last home game we had, the cheerleaders went out there and went, G-O-O-B-S, what's that spell? And everyone tried to goob. Goobs.

[42:11] Madelyn Murphy: And the team fumbled the ball. I heard everybody yelling goobs at me, and goobs is what my dad calls me when he's mad at me. So I fumbled the ball, man.

[42:21] Alex Stompoly: And we were about to make it into the semi-mega quarterfinals. It's also hard to play football in this tux.

[42:29] Aabria Iyengar: You know, I'm very surprised that a man like Big Vinny, who spends his time believing in the flat earth and A.I. David Spade images-

[42:37] Jasmine Malave: And don't forget the birds.

[42:39] Aabria Iyengar: And the birds. Being a member of the bourgeoisie, the most creative thing he could come up with to call his son was simply goobs.

[42:47] Madelyn Murphy: It's an acronym, and I don't like to talk about it.

[42:50] Alex Stompoly: I understand, and I respect your limits.

[42:53] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, I guess I'll pick a card.

[43:01] Jasmine Malave: But Sarah, I can't believe that you said, fuck Crystal.

[43:05] Madelyn Murphy: What more could she do to me? She's already trying to ice-

[43:09] Aabria Iyengar: No, I can say it. It's my word. She's trying to ice me out.

[43:15] Jasmine Malave: She just doesn't know how to break up with Lil Vinny. That's the thing.

[43:19] Madelyn Murphy: I think that she wants to be with me.

[43:23] Aabria Iyengar: What?

[43:25] Madelyn Murphy: Huh?

[54:47] Aabria Iyengar: Well, here's the thing. And let me be clear. There is some stuff that she has told me that she doesn't. I mean, maybe you know, but she's been trying to keep it secret. She's been trying to date Carrie's boyfriend from another school without Lil Vinny knowing. He's from Washington Monument High School in the actual state. Yeah, no. No, she told me that she didn't need Giuseppe at all. Giuseppe! Yup, the Italian from Washington. Giuseppe and his metro ass.

[55:19] Vincent Stompoly: Giuseppe? I met that dude one time. Yeah. Giuseppe Pepparincini.

[55:27] Aabria Iyengar: What do you do that pleases the Queen on this journey? Um, so as we have established, my Wednesdays are pretty open. And stupid clear phone under a cloche.

[55:43] Maddie Murphy: You can see everything. In my head. It's like the rose from Beauty and the Beast. And I'm waiting for the last petal or the ring to fall. Wait, would you say Morgan, that this cloche has actually made you further apart?

[56:01] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, you're right. We are not as cloche as we used to be. In fact, it feels like there's a thin glass barrier between us. And I am just underneath waiting to be summoned so I can vibrate. But what I've done to please Crystal, while my Wednesdays are vacant, is I have been taking a calligraphy class on my own dime.

[56:25] Maddie Murphy: On your own dime? It's okay, I understand. And it's a hobby that I like to have. Who would pay for it? Who's supposed to pay for this?

[56:41] Aabria Iyengar: Well, when you find out why, you may be surprised that she wasn't investing in this. But I've been taking a calligraphy class, and I have been filling out the ballot slips to ensure that she wins prom queen.

[56:54] Maddie Murphy: Oh my god, you've learned how to do the signature of every single student here at Washington Monument High School. Mostly so that they all look different, so that way no one in the criminal justice system could find out that they were forgeries.

[57:07] Aabria Iyengar: Morgan, I have... Oh no, Mariska! Morgan. It says calligraphy class and it keeps falling down, and it says counterfeiting class.

[57:20] Maddie Murphy: Yeah, that's what I was gonna say, Morgan. I know I'm gonna break our sort of, like, silent thing, but like, I think you're in a forgery class, not calligraphy.

[57:26] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, well... That's crime, dude. Well, that does explain why the other person next to me was just cutting apart a hundred dollar bill for weeks on end. But I don't ask questions, I don't want the answers, too. Were they having you do, like, chemistry, but in your underwear? Because I think maybe it was a drug thing. Is this why you recently purchased a laundromat?

[57:47] Vincent Stompoly: Well, the laundromat is simply for passive income. You can actually make a lot of money from those if you just know how to do it correctly, and the only real thing that I have to invest in is the vending machine, but my dad has a Costco card.

[58:00] Aabria Iyengar: Oh my god! How else are you supposed to wash all the money? Morgan! And no longer Vinny's tuxedo. We gotta get you to stop doing that.

[58:06] Maddie Murphy: Yeah, but don't dry the money. It's gray! There's mustard all over it. Wait a minute! Why are you covered in Tiffany's aioli?

[58:14] Vincent Stompoly: Because she shared it with me. It's freaking good, man. You have Tiffany's aioli on your wool pants?

[58:21] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah, well, yeah, man. I just realized that she never gets any chicken fingers, so I was like, why don't I bring some chicken fingers and I can get some sweet aioli. But it's crazy because Tiffany only eats her aioli with her fingies as we've established, and, like, why am I seeing aioli on your butt?

[58:36] Vincent Stompoly: I bring it back to the table by the fistful.

[58:40] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah, that's how she mixes it. Well, Tiffany is an environmentalist, so she would like to run Westwater, and I'm very thrilled from a PR perspective that your scandal has got us away from my forgery. I mean, it's cool. No, it's because Tiffany was trying to help me. We were measuring me for the new tux pants because these ones gotta go. But, yeah, why do I just see fingie prints? My tailor also really spends a lot of time on the inseam.

[59:12] Maddie Murphy: Well, it seems that something's going on between you and Tiffany? Because, like, I don't blame you. She moves like a slinky. Just pants measuring. Standard stuff. I think it's all pretty above board and chill.

[59:24] Aabria Iyengar: Hey, Vinny, like, I know your dad tells you how to feel and think and be a lot, but, like, if you... More suggestions, but, yeah, he just points me to cool resources. So imagine that you're a star, okay, and you're up alone in the stratosphere.

[59:39] Vincent Stompoly: Oh, God, it's all I ever want to be.

[59:44] Aabria Iyengar: So you're up and alone in the stratosphere, no pressure, no human desire. Just shining. When you think about who you'd want to spend your star-ness with, who do you think of?

[59:52] Vincent Stompoly: Oh, well, I mean, I'm not allowed to think of anybody but Crystal.

[59:58] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah, but imagine that you are. Take the cloche off your mind. Unless the phone rings.

[1:00:05] Vincent Stompoly: Taking my mind cloche off?

[1:00:10] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah, take your mind cloche off. Under your mind cloche. Who's your moon, Vinny? Who's the phone under your mind cloche?

[1:00:15] Vincent Stompoly: If I could go to the moon, if the moon were real and we could fly imaginary birds there.

[1:00:23] Aabria Iyengar: Let him cook. Are you not building a rocket?

[1:00:25] Maddie Murphy: Sarah's nose just started bleeding.

[1:00:31] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah, this is the most sense he's ever made. It would be pretty cool to hang in the sky eating aioli.

[1:00:36] Maddie Murphy: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I knew it. Lil Vinny is the queen maker. Whoever Lil Vinny loves becomes the new queen bee. We have to get them together so Tiffany can dethrone Crystal.

[1:00:48] Vincent Stompoly: I will say that I am on board with this partially because I think that if Crystal goes down a peg or two, then we can be together.

[1:00:56] Aabria Iyengar: I will support a movement mostly because I don't think the carpal tunnel is worth it anymore.

[1:01:01] Maddie Murphy: Morgan, you deserve so much better. You were so smart and good at like high level, like non-street level crime. You could do anything you want in this world. You're going to get into Stanford. Or Harvard, Connecticut.

[1:01:24] Aabria Iyengar: GWMHSOP is ever seen. Thank you.

[1:01:29] Maddie Murphy: I just also want to say Morgan, I want you to know that I really see you and I know that you are the obelisk in the mascot costume. I know that you are the mascot one. You are tall and strong and straight and weird. Go Morgan.

[1:01:51] Vincent Stompoly: I'm a proud goob.

[1:01:55] Maddie Murphy: I know. I just want you to know, before I wouldn't be able to compliment you much, but you're a really good school mascot.

[1:02:04] Vincent Stompoly: Thank you.

[1:02:05] Maddie Murphy: When you do that one little dance where you just stand there and then you hop and you scream obelisk, obelisk. You can't really do a lot in the costume because there's no arm holes. Otherwise it defeats the purpose of the design.

[1:02:18] Vincent Stompoly: I know, but we like, you are working it so hard and I just want you to know that.

[1:02:24] Maddie Murphy: Thank you very much. A bounty on that fan.

[1:02:28] Vincent Stompoly: I take my inspiration from the Pixar lamp.

[1:02:31] Aabria Iyengar: Morgan, can I ask a question?

[1:02:32] Vincent Stompoly: Oh yeah.

[1:02:33] Aabria Iyengar: When you're in the obelisk costume, are your arms up or down?

[1:02:38] Vincent Stompoly: One on each. I'm afraid that if I don't use the full range of motion, one of them will forget to do the other.

[1:02:45] Aabria Iyengar: You have to have the one arm up works all the pyrotechnics up there, right?

[1:02:49] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah. If you could imagine, it just looks like this.

[1:02:51] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[1:02:53] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah. When the pyrotechnics go off.

[1:02:55] Aabria Iyengar: I wish it was a visual, but it's also not visual in the costume. You couldn't see that even if I was in it. And then at halftime I switch.

[1:03:10] Maddie Murphy: Do they make you load all the pyrotechnics into the top of it yourself or is that something that you do as well?

[1:03:17] Vincent Stompoly: I just, I pack them up like this.

[1:03:19] Aabria Iyengar: You can't see it when I'm poking them into the top part. And there's a very long fuse and I have to strike a match with my teeth.

[1:03:29] Vincent Stompoly: And it's crazy because like every time it's so dangerous.

[1:03:34] Aabria Iyengar: It's very scary. It's the only light that I see for most of the game. There's no face hole. Otherwise you'd see the trail.

[1:03:41] Maddie Murphy: Obelisk you finish, but I just want you to know you're a hero to all of us.

[1:03:46] Vincent Stompoly: Like I have that match in my mouth for most of the first quarter. And then we get ready for the band.

[1:03:50] Aabria Iyengar: I go, we couldn't do it. It fires us up so hard when that obelisk explodes from the tip.

[1:03:59] Maddie Murphy: I hate when I ejaculate prematurely on the field.

[1:04:03] Vincent Stompoly: That's the official word for when the flame come out.

[1:04:05] Aabria Iyengar: Also, we just want you to know, Morgan, that like, you don't have to hide the fact we know what the match and whatnot. That's how you lost your eyebrows.

[1:04:14] Maddie Murphy: And I just want you to know that the fake mustaches that you've been using.

[1:04:19] Vincent Stompoly: Well, I used them because they allow me to emote. Some days I'm like handlebar.

[1:04:26] Aabria Iyengar: And then when I go to French class, I put on the...

[1:04:28] Vincent Stompoly: Or Ernie, I feel you.

[1:04:29] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah. And then when I go to a French class, I just take the like, ha ha one.

[1:04:32] Maddie Murphy: Morgan, I want you to know that when you wear the handlebar, you look like a beautiful Frida Kahlo.

[1:04:39] Vincent Stompoly: Thank you. I receive that in the only cultural way that I can.

[1:04:45] Aabria Iyengar: I love her poetry.

[1:04:48] Vincent Stompoly: She's a very powerful speaker.

[1:04:50] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah. I think I'm in love with Morgan.

[1:04:51] Vincent Stompoly: Also, paint her.

[1:04:52] Aabria Iyengar: Hell yeah.

[1:04:53] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah, too.

[1:04:53] Aabria Iyengar: On the rules.

[1:04:54] Maddie Murphy: Okay.

[1:04:54] Aabria Iyengar: It's so cool.

[1:04:55] Maddie Murphy: Why are some others at the royal court jealous of your relationship with the queen?

[1:05:02] Vincent Stompoly: Because you fuck her.

[1:05:05] Aabria Iyengar: And boom goes the dynamite.

[1:05:06] Maddie Murphy: Sorry, obelisk.

[1:05:15] Aabria Iyengar: I mean, I feel like they do know about it. And it is exactly that. It's like, because we literally have this closeness. I mean, I come over and I'm in her twin bed.

[1:05:29] Vincent Stompoly: And if she's rich, why can she only afford a twin bed?

[1:05:34] Aabria Iyengar: She's got a triple bunk, man. It's awesome.

[1:05:37] Vincent Stompoly: She's an only child.

[1:05:38] Aabria Iyengar: Where's the twin?

[1:05:39] Vincent Stompoly: No, no. She makes me sleep on the middle one when I'm over there.

[1:05:44] Aabria Iyengar: She ate it in the womb.

[1:05:46] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah.

[1:05:47] Aabria Iyengar: She told me.

[1:05:48] Vincent Stompoly: Yeah. It's like our spicy thing. She says that she wants to have sex like we're poor people. So we go in the twin bed.

[1:05:56] Aabria Iyengar: I put my headphones on. I'm starting to realize I feel like this might be a really problematic relationship. But again, like this is how it's just really nice to have her attention, you know? And again, I feel like honestly, it also feels really nice to not be a virgin in high school because I know for a fact that some of the others are.

[1:06:21] Maddie Murphy: Bummer.

[1:06:21] Aabria Iyengar: I see you looking at me.

[1:06:22] Vincent Stompoly: Yes, I am a virgin.

[1:06:24] Aabria Iyengar: But only because I'm an evangelical Christian and the Lord can see my pussy.

[1:06:28] Vincent Stompoly: I'm an everything butt girl.

[1:06:32] Aabria Iyengar: Everything in there, eh?

[1:06:34] Vincent Stompoly: And yeah, yeah. Truly, that's the only hole the Lord knows.

[1:06:41] Maddie Murphy: Is that why you were sitting on Morgan in the obelisk costume?

[1:06:44] Vincent Stompoly: Let me be clear.

[1:06:46] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[1:06:51] Vincent Stompoly: It's fine.

[1:06:52] Aabria Iyengar: It has a flared base.

[1:06:54] Vincent Stompoly: Oh, and that's why Morgan was like vibrating a lot in the costume and going like this.

[1:07:00] Maddie Murphy: Well, no, I was on fire.

[1:07:03] Vincent Stompoly: It's okay. They say keep a relationship spicy.

[1:07:07] Aabria Iyengar: Wait, you said relationship. Do you think that you have?

[1:07:10] Vincent Stompoly: Well, okay. A Webster's defines relationship as just a connection between any two people.

[1:07:14] Aabria Iyengar: You all gasp like that was something like that. It wasn't, but it is.

[1:07:17] Maddie Murphy: But I just want to walk us back to the definition.

[1:07:19] Aabria Iyengar: But you were saying?

[1:07:21] Vincent Stompoly: I'm like, okay.

[1:07:23] Aabria Iyengar: Facebook definitions.

[1:07:25] Maddie Murphy: Is it complicated? Is it a situation ship? Is it a friendship?

[1:07:29] Aabria Iyengar: No one in high school now uses Facebook.

[1:07:33] Maddie Murphy: What's that?

[1:07:33] Aabria Iyengar: I'm retro. My parents have been divorced so many times. That's the only way you can keep track. They don't let me watch TV, but they just let me enter the internet and Facebook is all I have.

[1:07:43] Maddie Murphy: They can't change their status.

[1:07:45] Aabria Iyengar: So they make you do it over and over again.

[1:07:47] Maddie Murphy: Jessica, you turn 18 in like a month and a half. Tell them to get you a better phone than a jitterbug.

[1:07:54] Aabria Iyengar: I can't. They're too busy fighting and fucking. It's their thing.

[1:07:58] Maddie Murphy: It's so weird that you are so comfortable with your parents' sexual proclivities.

[1:08:03] Aabria Iyengar: Good word.

[1:08:04] Maddie Murphy: I know. I've been learning for you.

[1:08:06] Aabria Iyengar: I love you.

[1:08:08] Maddie Murphy: So Facebook relationship status.

[1:08:12] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah.

[1:08:13] Maddie Murphy: Like, of course.

[1:08:16] Aabria Iyengar: How else am I gonna like virtue signal to the other people that like it's working?

[1:08:21] Maddie Murphy: Of course. I really, I enjoy Sarah in all iterations of their name.

[1:08:26] Aabria Iyengar: Okay. But yeah, but what is it?

[1:08:29] Maddie Murphy: Jessica, why are you pushing? You Marshmallow Kissed Crystal! If anyone has the right to be a little, I don't know, perturbed right now, it should be me. I've been stuffing the real ballot box and you've been stuffing the metaphorical one. And I hope your wrists hurt as well.

[1:08:47] Aabria Iyengar: You're right, I use both hands. I don't know what I'm doing. She takes forever.

[1:08:53] Maddie Murphy: Who?

[1:08:54] Aabria Iyengar: Crystal.

[1:08:55] Maddie Murphy: She's on antidepressants, it's not her fault!

[1:08:58] Aabria Iyengar: She puts the pro in Lexapro! My jaw hurts, that's what I'm saying.

[1:09:02] Jasmin Malave: Star Eater Tiffany, get in there!

[1:09:06] Maddie Murphy: Tiffany. Wait a minute, listen, you're right, I'm sorry for pushing.

[1:09:13] Aabria Iyengar: No, sometimes you just have to push.

[1:09:17] Maddie Murphy: Like forever, because of the antidepressants.

[1:09:20] R. Alex Murray: What are you doing? Are you pushing with your mouth, Vinny?

[1:09:24] Aabria Iyengar: To the limit. Oh, that's Torben Blue.

[1:09:26] R. Alex Murray: Just listen to what she tells me to do, man. Push it. Push it real good.

[1:09:32] Aabria Iyengar: I was a Disney Channel kid, I'm so sorry.

[1:09:35] Maddie Murphy: I'm so sorry to step in between Salt and Peppa right now, but I'm hearing some disturbing things about little Vinny's technique, so maybe don't. Just a thought.

[1:09:44] Maddie Murphy: Look, Vinny, she doesn't like what you do, okay? And frankly, I think it's over for you and Crystal. And I really think that you should look around you and see who is standing right in front of you in a gorgeous asymmetrical gown that is slinky.

[1:10:02] Aabria Iyengar: I just want to be real specific. The pushing is happening in more of the gray tux pants region, anyway.

[1:10:12] R. Alex Murray: Oh, I see.

[1:10:14] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah, I understand when to do what, thank you. My dad showed me a really good Reddit thread on technique.

[1:10:25] Maddie Murphy: Your relationship with your father continues to astound and concern.

[1:10:29] R. Alex Murray: Hard saying, dog.

[1:10:31] Aabria Iyengar: I really enjoy when we all get together and learn a lot about one another.

[1:10:36] Jasmin Malave: Yeah, this has been a really good study hall period, for sure. Crystal likes to keep us separate and on our toes, but without her, we're able to really get to the crux of our interpersonal relationships and dynamics, and I think that is beautiful.

[1:10:48] Maddie Murphy: Okay, I'm going to say something really brave.

[1:10:51] Aabria Iyengar: Go, go do it.

[1:10:52] Maddie Murphy: Crux means the intersection of a thing.

[1:10:55] Aabria Iyengar: It's okay.

[1:10:56] Maddie Murphy: I just looked it up.

[1:10:58] Aabria Iyengar: Wait, was yours a different thing?

[1:11:00] R. Alex Murray: I'm going to get to the crux of this crucifix.

[1:11:03] Aabria Iyengar: Those are good.

[1:11:04] Maddie Murphy: Thank you.

[1:11:05] R. Alex Murray: Oh, I made one of those in Woodshop.

[1:11:06] Aabria Iyengar: Oh, wow, they're so handy.

[1:11:08] R. Alex Murray: Thank you. I'm going to break up with Crystal tonight, like full-sized.

[1:11:11] Aabria Iyengar: How else is it going to be usable?

[1:11:13] R. Alex Murray: I don't know. Oh, are we going to crucify Crystal?

[1:11:16] Aabria Iyengar: Crystal-fy!

[1:11:17] Maddie Murphy: Yay! That's so clever! But you're going to break up with her?

[1:11:22] R. Alex Murray: I'm going to break up with her tonight. I'm realizing that I don't think that she's the one for me. I don't think that she's faithful to me.

[1:11:32] Aabria Iyengar: No, we have sex, like, a lot. And I think that I'm worth more. And I'm going to say that.

[1:11:39] Maddie Murphy: Proud of you.

[1:11:43] Aabria Iyengar: No, I think that's really brilliant and strong. And I don't want to leave this. I'm going to come back to this in a minute. I'm going to look at you. Is it in the middle bunk when it happens?

[1:11:53] R. Alex Murray: Oh, no, it's in the bottom bunk.

[1:11:55] Aabria Iyengar: In the bottom bunk, and then I go back up to the middle bunk.

[1:11:59] R. Alex Murray: Oh, it's like talking in for a word.

[1:12:02] Aabria Iyengar: So I can just sort of disassociate and think about Aioli.

[1:12:06] Maddie Murphy: That's beautiful. Okay, I super respect the moment that you're in. I think you absolutely should because you can do better than Crystal.

[1:12:13] Aabria Iyengar: I don't like her. I do think maybe we use your life-size crucifix on her.

[1:12:18] R. Alex Murray: I got an A.

[1:12:20] Maddie Murphy: Yeah, but I will say we're all going to college.

[1:12:24] Aabria Iyengar: Well, you're for sure going to college, Morgan.

[1:12:27] R. Alex Murray: Some of us will be doing our very best to try to hit a safety school.

[1:12:32] Aabria Iyengar: I think everyone's going to end up going to Abraham Lincoln Memorial Community College.

[1:12:37] Maddie Murphy: Yeah, go Lincoln Logs! I got a scholarship to play football there.

[1:12:42] Aabria Iyengar: That's a really tough mascot to be because you have to be sideways.

[1:12:45] R. Alex Murray: You do have to be sideways. You'd be such a good log, though. The hand placement is a little tricky.

[1:12:51] Aabria Iyengar: It is, but all of that to say, since we're all going to be doing whatever we're going to be doing in a very short amount of time, maybe just fuck her and move on. It doesn't have to be forever. None of this is forever. College is giving you an acceptance letter. You don't have to give her one.

[1:13:07] Maddie Murphy: Yeah!

[1:13:08] R. Alex Murray: Wait, what? You mean that this first relationship isn't the only relationship that I'll ever have?

[1:13:13] Aabria Iyengar: Not unless you're Mormon.

[1:13:17] Maddie Murphy: Take that, Mormons. And you're right because I'm less than you. It's yours, Vinny. The queen once had you punished. What about the memory of that will stay with you forever?

[1:13:34] R. Alex Murray: I mean, I was in the middle bunk, minding my business.

[1:13:41] Aabria Iyengar: Do you live at Crystal's house?

[1:13:43] R. Alex Murray: I'm there a lot.

[1:13:45] Aabria Iyengar: Aren't they aware of that? Would you stay at home with Big Vinny?

[1:13:49] R. Alex Murray: No, we need to call CPS for both you and Jessica. We're gonna age out any day now. It's not worth it. We're gonna graduate soon.

[1:14:00] Maddie Murphy: We're gonna graduate soon, man. And we can be away from all of this at Abraham Lincoln Community College.

[1:14:06] Aabria Iyengar: Memorial.

[1:14:08] R. Alex Murray: Not the memorial before community college. It's not a community college memorial.

[1:14:11] Maddie Murphy: Although, in my honest opinion.

[1:14:15] Aabria Iyengar: We call it OMPC. Go Lincoln Logs.

[1:14:19] R. Alex Murray: Go Lincoln Logs at OMPC. You have to say the Lincolns. Because if it's just Go Logs, then it sounds like Gulags. And that's totally different. That's the Russian school.

[1:14:28] Aabria Iyengar: But I was in the middle bunk. And she invited Jessica over. And I had to listen to most of that.

[1:14:44] R. Alex Murray: Because they were on the top bunk. You guys do it on the top bunk?

[1:14:48] Aabria Iyengar: We ascend.

[1:14:51] R. Alex Murray: They were climbing up to the top bunk. I tried to help out a little. Tried to get the bed moving.

[1:15:02] Aabria Iyengar: I read about choking on Reddit. And I was like, oh, I can help out.

[1:15:07] R. Alex Murray: No, we were good. I had both hands and a foot in there.

[1:15:11] Aabria Iyengar: And a foot?

[1:15:13] R. Alex Murray: Yeah, it's called towing. You know, with that body shape. That's what you got at Thomas Jefferson Memorial High School. Because it's the dome. And you have to bend your body in a different way.

[1:15:25] Aabria Iyengar: Again, I wish that this was not an auditory medium. I'll do pictures.

[1:15:29] R. Alex Murray: That was hard to forget. It just really made me feel used. Like I was replaceable.

[1:15:39] Aabria Iyengar: It made me feel like the coach would put me on the bench during a big game.

[1:15:44] Maddie Murphy: I'm sorry, Vinny.

[1:15:47] R. Alex Murray: You didn't sound sorry. You sound like you're having a pretty good time.

[1:15:51] Aabria Iyengar: That's the foot. I got toes. What's wrong with my toes?

[1:15:57] R. Alex Murray: Well, ever since the chainsaw accident. A couple of things. Ever since Big Vinny dropped the chainsaw.

[1:16:04] Aabria Iyengar: It was an accident. He loves me.

[1:16:08] Maddie Murphy: That's sad. Tiffany.

[1:16:12] Aabria Iyengar: The queen once offered me comfort. What about the memory of that will stay with me forever? I was feeling really upset my first week of school. Because I had just transferred. And even feeling a little more at home. Because of the whole Washington monument of it all. I was just very homesick.

[1:16:30] R. Alex Murray: So I invited her over for a sleepover. Because she was really nice to me at lunch. This was before I ate lunch last. So I was well fed at the time. I had the macros to deal with this bitch.

[1:16:48] Aabria Iyengar: She's got the potential of us taking her down. It's pretty righteous. I just always thought it was rude. That she'd play that Sarah McLachlan song. Every time you sat there reading. Sub the angels.

[1:17:02] Maddie Murphy: And so while we were sitting there watching.

[1:17:04] Aabria Iyengar: She was like. I don't know. I don't know.

[1:17:10] Maddie Murphy: While we were sitting there watching a made for TV movie.

[1:17:14] Aabria Iyengar: Wait which one?

[1:17:16] Maddie Murphy: Mothman.

[1:17:20] Aabria Iyengar: So you could really feel like you were back on the east coast. Lifetime presents Mothman. It's when Mothman moves back home to his old town. He grew up in to save Christmas.

[1:17:36] Maddie Murphy: I love that one. I can only think of sci-fi movies when you ask.

[1:17:40] Aabria Iyengar: No I love it. It was so good. It's a really bad movie.

[1:17:46] Maddie Murphy: I love that movie. And so we were watching Mothman on the sci-fi channel. She was just like really nice. She was like you like weird stuff. But that's kind of cool. And I'll never forget it.

[1:17:58] Aabria Iyengar: Oh my god. I have no follow ups. Because I hate this bitch. Grab a card.

[1:18:06] Maddie Murphy: Okay.

[1:18:08] Aabria Iyengar: Oh my god. The queen is responsible for the death of someone you loved.

[1:18:14] Maddie Murphy: I remember. What happened?

[1:18:18] Aabria Iyengar: I know what Crystal did last summer.

[1:18:20] R. Alex Murray: Bruh.

[1:18:22] Aabria Iyengar: Vinny. When we were hanging out. When everyone else was in Australia. A place that I cannot overemphasize. Giant fucking spiders the size of a baby.

[1:18:34] Maddie Murphy: Get out of here.

[1:18:36] Aabria Iyengar: Okay. We don't have time to unpack that now. We have to talk about your dreams. You had a dream about Crystal with knives.

[1:18:42] R. Alex Murray: I don't think they were dreams. I think they were visions. I think you are deeply empathic. And I think you saw the future happening.

[1:18:50] Aabria Iyengar: I do sleepwalk. It could have just been me seeing her throwing knives around.

[1:18:54] R. Alex Murray: I think that may have been what it was. Here's the thing. We all know that Crystal's favorite perfume is a custom blend of Chanel Lucky but the one that came out in 2015 because it's aged a little bit more. Y'all have to go steal it. And Victoria's Secret Love Spell. It's a very distinctive scent.

[1:19:14] Aabria Iyengar: I was just going to say the girl who was saving the scene in the back class, have we seen her?

[1:19:20] Maddie Murphy: We haven't and I love her so much because she was helping tutor me in French and she was gone one day and when we were at the memorial because we built a really beautiful memorial of like paper mache George Washington monument and flowers and like teddy bears and stuff on the scene of the crime where her body was found stabbed 100 to 127 times I smelled her perfume.

[1:19:46] Aabria Iyengar: What?

[1:19:48] Maddie Murphy: At Monique with a K's gravesite?

[1:19:52] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah. Now I know who we're talking about. We're talking about Monique with a K. But not where you think. It's like at the front like knife.

[1:20:04] Maddie Murphy: Oh my god. Another clear example. She's just taking out all the silent K names.

[1:20:10] Aabria Iyengar: She's taking out silent letters because she's a silent killer. She wants to move into the good SAT room and she has to kill all the people with K last names.

[1:20:18] R. Alex Murray: Exactly and when I was studying forensic science and like how to get away with crimes in order to make sure that-

[1:20:24] Aabria Iyengar: It's a block bomb high school that we go to man. It was kind of an extracurricular because just in case Morgan wanted to become like a criminal I wanted to make sure that they could get away with whatever crimes they wanted.

[1:20:34] Maddie Murphy: You're so in love with Morgan.

[1:20:36] R. Alex Murray: I'm so in love with Morgan but we're keeping it so casual.

[1:20:40] Aabria Iyengar: For now.

[1:20:42] Maddie Murphy: Wait hold on. I have to focus. I'm cracking a crime bit.

[1:20:46] Aabria Iyengar: Oh my god I can't.

[1:20:48] Maddie Murphy: Okay we can't. But I learned it was in chapter 3 that killers return to the scene of the crime.

[1:20:56] Aabria Iyengar: Exactly! We have it every day but like the very next day. I mean can you imagine? She sat in that same seat I remember. Because it's by the bad desk it's hard for me to fit in.

[1:21:08] R. Alex Murray: Exactly. No one likes that desk because it's for left handed people and what the fuck are left handed people?

[1:21:14] Aabria Iyengar: They're not real.

[1:21:16] Maddie Murphy: I'm so glad that you said what are they like they're objects and they're not people.

[1:21:20] Aabria Iyengar: Yeah. You believe in aliens but we haven't been in the moon?

[1:21:26] R. Alex Murray: Well the moon's not real. It's a projection.

[1:21:28] Aabria Iyengar: What if the moon is a giant alien egg and it's just waiting to hatch?

[1:21:34] Maddie Murphy: I've heard that one seems a little farfetched.

[1:21:36] Aabria Iyengar: At least you have your line in the sand.

[1:21:38] R. Alex Murray: Farfetched is a really good word! I think there's like one of them little dashes in there.

[1:21:44] Aabria Iyengar: No?

[1:21:46] Maddie Murphy: It's called a hyphen. Or a dash.

[1:21:50] Aabria Iyengar: Thank you. Other than the queen there is someone else in this retinue that you love. Why are you keeping it a secret?

[1:21:56] R. Alex Murray: Well since we seem to have blasted through that door a couple of cards ago.

[1:22:02] Aabria Iyengar: Kiss kiss kiss on the podcast no one can see. Marshmallow kiss. But this is kiss spelled K-M-I-S-S.

[1:22:12] Unknown speaker: Oh, wait, hold on. M-K-I-S-S. It's a silent M.

[1:22:16] Unknown speaker: Well, we were keeping it a secret because Crystal doesn't do well with seismic change.

[1:22:27] Unknown speaker: She hates earthquakes.

[1:22:28] Unknown speaker: She really does, which is not good for her living over here in Oregon, named after Washington, D.C., but not the state.

[1:22:36] Unknown speaker: We're in the Ring of Fire!

[1:22:41] Unknown speaker: That's Johnny Cash.

[1:22:42] Unknown speaker: But, um, which I also have learned how to forge and reproduce. Not Johnny's, just Cash.

[1:22:48] Unknown speaker: Oh, sorry, the class.

[1:22:51] Unknown speaker: Wait, you're reproducing?

[1:22:53] Unknown speaker: No, I, okay, wait, hold on.

[1:22:57] Unknown speaker: Girl, you're pregnant?

[1:22:58] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:22:59] Unknown speaker: Wait, hold on, there's more assumptions being cast this way.

[1:23:02] Unknown speaker: Um, the only IV I've had to have lately, the only IV I've had to have did not pertain an F. I just simply got dehydrated.

[1:23:10] Unknown speaker: Oh, okay.

[1:23:11] Unknown speaker: So everyone take a moment. Thank you.

[1:23:14] Unknown speaker: Wait, hold on, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

[1:23:19] Unknown speaker: Tertiary, back to the top of your head.

[1:23:21] Unknown speaker: Oh my god, SAT!

[1:23:23] Unknown speaker: Thank you.

[1:23:24] Unknown speaker: I think it has to do with turtles.

[1:23:27] Unknown speaker: Yep.

[1:23:28] Unknown speaker: Join a sport!

[1:23:31] Unknown speaker: Tertiary.

[1:23:33] Unknown speaker: So, yeah, I mean, like, we were keeping it a secret, only because, like, Crystal just doesn't, doesn't, like, if things throw her off, she gets a little volatile.

[1:23:44] Unknown speaker: And I, I understand, like, you know, things can make you, I think there's a difference between mad and, like, irate and then, like, see red.

[1:23:53] Unknown speaker: And so, like, why deal, like, why mess up the group? You know, that's, that's really why.

[1:23:59] Unknown speaker: I mean, like, it's not in a, you know, yeah.

[1:24:03] Unknown speaker: Also, I, point of order, I think I've gotten dumber the longer I've been here.

[1:24:08] Unknown speaker: It's been a really long study hall period that we've been in.

[1:24:11] Unknown speaker: It's almost over, I feel like. The bell's gonna ring any minute now.

[1:24:14] Unknown speaker: So, but yeah, just mostly for her mental health.

[1:24:20] Unknown speaker: Wait, so who do you love?

[1:24:22] Unknown speaker: Sarah.

[1:24:24] Unknown speaker: I was addressing you.

[1:24:26] Unknown speaker: But also you.

[1:24:27] Unknown speaker: But also you.

[1:24:28] Unknown speaker: I just didn't want anyone to celebrate too early.

[1:24:30] Unknown speaker: Like the pregnancy scare about four minutes ago.

[1:24:39] Unknown speaker: Pregnancy scare, but, like, your baby would be so cute.

[1:24:43] Unknown speaker: That's not how anatomy works.

[1:24:45] Unknown speaker: It would be so cute, though.

[1:24:47] Unknown speaker: But, like, picture the little obelisk.

[1:24:50] Unknown speaker: One hand up.

[1:24:51] Unknown speaker: It would come out one hand up.

[1:24:53] Unknown speaker: A new monument coming.

[1:24:54] Unknown speaker: My toddler-esque.

[1:24:56] Unknown speaker: I heard a thing that, like, babies are born in the position they're conceived in.

[1:25:00] Unknown speaker: So, like, that would be really exciting.

[1:25:02] Unknown speaker: I hate your parents.

[1:25:04] Unknown speaker: How are you fucking dumber than Vinny?

[1:25:07] Unknown speaker: That's incredible.

[1:25:10] Unknown speaker: We are falling apart.

[1:25:11] Unknown speaker: It could be a potential byproduct of Crystal.

[1:25:13] Unknown speaker: We have never once assumed that the actual mental decay is coming from that vagine.

[1:25:19] Unknown speaker: Oh my god.

[1:25:20] Unknown speaker: I'm calling her pussy Crystal meth from now on.

[1:25:23] Unknown speaker: I tell you what.

[1:25:24] Unknown speaker: The more you have it, the crazier you get.

[1:25:26] Unknown speaker: And your teeth will fall out.

[1:25:28] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:25:29] Unknown speaker: Like, three fell out the other day after we left the top bunk.

[1:25:32] Unknown speaker: That's crazy.

[1:25:33] Unknown speaker: You may have just been doing your job a little too hard.

[1:25:35] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:25:36] Unknown speaker: It's all biting, right?

[1:25:38] Unknown speaker: That's why she switched to foot stuff.

[1:25:39] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:25:40] Unknown speaker: Crystal should take that mouth guard out of the other one.

[1:25:45] Unknown speaker: I only know what sex is through Facebook, meaning I bite a lot.

[1:25:50] Unknown speaker: Arby's.

[1:25:52] Unknown speaker: Arby's.

[1:25:55] Unknown speaker: No way.

[1:25:58] Unknown speaker: The queen is under attack.

[1:26:01] Unknown speaker: Do you defend her?

[1:26:03] Unknown speaker: Me?

[1:26:04] Unknown speaker: Just sweet little Jessica Jones?

[1:26:09] Unknown speaker: Oh, another layer has been revealed.

[1:26:11] Unknown speaker: We have not the time.

[1:26:12] Unknown speaker: But we have the time.

[1:26:13] Unknown speaker: We're not going to talk about it.

[1:26:15] Unknown speaker: We simply haven't the time.

[1:26:16] Unknown speaker: We simply haven't the time.

[1:26:17] Unknown speaker: The queen is under attack.

[1:26:18] Unknown speaker: Do you defend her?

[1:26:21] Unknown speaker: No.

[1:26:23] Unknown speaker: I don't.

[1:26:27] Unknown speaker: The end.

[1:26:29] Unknown speaker: Do you want to maybe narratively start us off on the fall of Crystal?

[1:26:35] Unknown speaker: It's prom night.

[1:26:36] Unknown speaker: No, that's what I mean.

[1:26:37] Unknown speaker: Yeah, she won because of the stuffing of the ballad boxes.

[1:26:40] Unknown speaker: She just won.

[1:26:41] Unknown speaker: They've just given Crystal her crown.

[1:26:44] Unknown speaker: That's exactly it.

[1:26:46] Unknown speaker: I know what I have to do.

[1:26:48] Unknown speaker: Are we doing this?

[1:26:50] Unknown speaker: We're doing this, girl.

[1:26:54] Unknown speaker: Principal Hutchison, with a silent K, you are next.

[1:26:57] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:26:58] Unknown speaker: It's not what you think.

[1:27:00] Unknown speaker: Speak your truth.

[1:27:01] Unknown speaker: I grabbed the ballot box.

[1:27:03] Unknown speaker: These are the hands that voted for Crystal.

[1:27:08] Unknown speaker: See the ink on her hands?

[1:27:10] Unknown speaker: Just covered in ink.

[1:27:11] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:27:12] Unknown speaker: I can't get it off.

[1:27:14] Unknown speaker: It's from the bills.

[1:27:16] Unknown speaker: Look at it.

[1:27:17] Unknown speaker: That ink on her hands matches the ink on the ballots.

[1:27:21] Unknown speaker: I only used the one pen.

[1:27:22] Unknown speaker: Though the signatures were different, I was never taught to pick up another device.

[1:27:26] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:27:27] Unknown speaker: A device?

[1:27:28] Unknown speaker: That thing got worked with an inch of its life.

[1:27:30] Unknown speaker: Crystal didn't win.

[1:27:33] Unknown speaker: She cheated.

[1:27:34] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:27:35] Unknown speaker: And I helped.

[1:27:37] Unknown speaker: So that means, if you go through and count the ballots again, the real winner is Tiffany.

[1:27:47] Unknown speaker: Tiffany!

[1:27:49] Unknown speaker: So Tiffany doesn't tell any of you this, but she had been saving the receipts for months.

[1:27:56] Unknown speaker: And she had a huge printout earlier that day of all of the shitty texts and all of the cyberbullying.

[1:28:02] Unknown speaker: And she put it in an unmarked vanilla envelope and left it on the principal's desk.

[1:28:06] Unknown speaker: I feel like I heard vanilla envelope.

[1:28:09] Unknown speaker: That's because I'm full of emotion.

[1:28:11] Unknown speaker: We cut to the principal's office and he's just licking his envelope.

[1:28:15] Unknown speaker: It's so good.

[1:28:16] Unknown speaker: Why is it so good?

[1:28:18] Unknown speaker: I told you I want to go to culinary school.

[1:28:20] Unknown speaker: Oh.

[1:28:21] Unknown speaker: Oh my god.

[1:28:22] Unknown speaker: It's true.

[1:28:23] Unknown speaker: I feel like you should go to-

[1:28:24] Unknown speaker: You've invented the vanilla manila envelope.

[1:28:25] Unknown speaker: That's so cool.

[1:28:26] Unknown speaker: I love their one hit single.

[1:28:28] Unknown speaker: The vanilla manilas.

[1:28:29] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:28:30] Unknown speaker: Great.

[1:28:31] Unknown speaker: Mila Vanilla.

[1:28:32] Unknown speaker: Also the made-for-TV movie, Mila Vanilla Sky?

[1:28:38] Unknown speaker: Continue, please.

[1:28:40] Unknown speaker: No, so you guys don't know all of that.

[1:28:42] Unknown speaker: And so I'm going to act really shocked and pretend that I didn't do anything.

[1:28:46] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:28:47] Unknown speaker: That I like, oh no, wow, this is all shocking information.

[1:28:51] Unknown speaker: I can't believe that Krysta was a shitty person the whole time.

[1:28:56] Unknown speaker: Sarah, who is wearing across her dress, call me Isis.

[1:29:04] Unknown speaker: I regret to inform you, a lot of weird people have calls.

[1:29:07] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:29:08] Unknown speaker: But it's okay because I say go obvs on the back.

[1:29:11] Unknown speaker: But when it switches, it does just say goobs.

[1:29:13] Unknown speaker: Call me Isis goobs.

[1:29:15] Unknown speaker: Yeah, I was not there for this announcement.

[1:29:17] Unknown speaker: But like as people are in shocked silence, the DJ has stopped playing Kesha's TikTok.

[1:29:25] Unknown speaker: I just wheel in Morgan's giant A-plus crucifix.

[1:29:30] Unknown speaker: And I'm like, we should kill her.

[1:29:34] Unknown speaker: So suffice to say, I do not defend the queen.

[1:29:38] Unknown speaker: And that's the perfect thing to use because you can't see the joints.

[1:29:41] Unknown speaker: They're very well hidden.

[1:29:42] Unknown speaker: And I use dowels, wood glue, and they're cut in such a way that they're interlocking.

[1:29:45] Unknown speaker: So even if with an internal support was to break, it's going to self-sustain itself.

[1:29:49] Unknown speaker: Damn.

[1:29:50] Unknown speaker: You spent so much time explaining that part.

[1:29:52] Unknown speaker: It was so good.

[1:29:53] Unknown speaker: I'm proud of the A.

[1:29:55] Unknown speaker: You're a brilliant carpenter, Morgan, on top of all of the other things you do, none of which are crim- crim- crimes.

[1:30:01] Unknown speaker: Crimes.

[1:30:02] Unknown speaker: Can I, can I say something crazy?

[1:30:06] Unknown speaker: Mm-hmm.

[1:30:07] Unknown speaker: What if we had, okay, Tiffany, you are prom queen.

[1:30:10] Unknown speaker: But like, what if you had a court?

[1:30:13] Unknown speaker: Because I feel like, I feel like you have two really good people right here who also deserve to be celebrated.

[1:30:21] Unknown speaker: I appreciate that this discussion is-

[1:30:23] Unknown speaker: Who are the standing?

[1:30:24] Unknown speaker: Who are the two?

[1:30:25] Unknown speaker: Well, that's it.

[1:30:26] Unknown speaker: You look over, and Vinny, his, his pants, which he just kept watching-

[1:30:29] Unknown speaker: They're white now.

[1:30:31] Unknown speaker: Because of the, yeah, because of the Aoli scandal, are fully white.

[1:30:34] Unknown speaker: And, but they're so tight.

[1:30:36] Unknown speaker: And he can barely walk.

[1:30:39] Unknown speaker: But you weren't supposed to bleach them.

[1:30:41] Unknown speaker: Yeah, but it's okay.

[1:30:42] Unknown speaker: You're on theme.

[1:30:43] Unknown speaker: The game's bong for our prom.

[1:30:45] Unknown speaker: Oh, I feel cooler than ever.

[1:30:47] Unknown speaker: I'm, I'm double O into you, Tiffany.

[1:30:50] Unknown speaker: Oh my god!

[1:30:52] Unknown speaker: Tiffany, you need a prom king.

[1:30:54] Unknown speaker: Will you be my prom king?

[1:30:56] Unknown speaker: I will wear a crown, and I will be your star.

[1:30:58] Unknown speaker: Oh my god.

[1:31:00] Unknown speaker: Oh my god, that was almost a metaphor that made sense.

[1:31:02] Unknown speaker: Thank you.

[1:31:03] Unknown speaker: I would like, for my first act as queen of a school.

[1:31:07] Unknown speaker: Defcon, that's-

[1:31:09] Unknown speaker: Crucify principal.

[1:31:11] Unknown speaker: Canonically, that's what happens.

[1:31:12] Unknown speaker: When you become prom queen, you become queen of the school.

[1:31:15] Unknown speaker: You look over at the principal, and he's just like-

[1:31:17] Unknown speaker: He's just nodding.

[1:31:18] Unknown speaker: He's just licking an envelope, like, yeah, yeah, for sure, yeah, yeah.

[1:31:20] Unknown speaker: You're in charge now, it's your night.

[1:31:21] Unknown speaker: And in our version, the principal is also played by Tim Meadows.

[1:31:24] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:31:25] Unknown speaker: I just want to take out the false queen.

[1:31:28] Unknown speaker: Let's get her.

[1:31:29] Unknown speaker: I think-

[1:31:30] Unknown speaker: We should get the false queen.

[1:31:31] Unknown speaker: The room turns on her.

[1:31:33] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:31:34] Unknown speaker: In honor of Monica with a K.

[1:31:36] Unknown speaker: And not where you expect.

[1:31:38] Unknown speaker: Get her, in honor of Monica.

[1:31:40] Unknown speaker: Monique.

[1:31:41] Unknown speaker: Monique.

[1:31:42] Unknown speaker: Oh yeah, Monique with a K.

[1:31:43] Unknown speaker: I remembered something.

[1:31:44] Unknown speaker: Monique.

[1:31:45] Unknown speaker: Wait a minute, I have an idea.

[1:31:47] Unknown speaker: Instead of nails for this crucifix, what about a sharp obelisk costume?

[1:31:53] Unknown speaker: That also, canonically, is full of explosives.

[1:31:58] Unknown speaker: Bonfire of the vanity.

[1:32:01] Unknown speaker: Oh, okay.

[1:32:02] Unknown speaker: I've also built this, and I got an A for it as well, this giant wicker man here.

[1:32:06] Unknown speaker: Oh my God, you're so talented.

[1:32:08] Unknown speaker: Thank you.

[1:32:09] Unknown speaker: I think Timothy steps forward and he's like,

[1:32:11] Unknown speaker: it's Wednesday.

[1:32:13] Unknown speaker: Yeah!

[1:32:15] Unknown speaker: I can come to this one!

[1:32:16] Unknown speaker: Yeah!

[1:32:19] Unknown speaker: We just fade out as dragging Crystal to the stake.

[1:32:24] Unknown speaker: And then we drive away with a really cool limo driver who's protected our booze this entire time.

[1:32:29] Unknown speaker: Yay!

[1:32:31] Unknown speaker: The montage of over the credits of us just partying in this limo to TikTok, by the way.

[1:32:37] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:32:38] Unknown speaker: Don't stop!

[1:32:40] Unknown speaker: Really?

[1:32:41] Unknown speaker: Oh, TikTok, yeah.

[1:32:42] Unknown speaker: That was glorious.

[1:32:44] Unknown speaker: And that was the last prom at the Washington Monument Obelisk High School in Oregon, the state.

[1:32:52] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:32:53] Unknown speaker: They closed that high school, but for a lot of reasons.

[1:32:57] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:32:58] Unknown speaker: Vinny's father was finally dragged away and put in jail.

[1:33:02] Unknown speaker: It was weird to confess to a crime that wasn't punishable, but then immediately admit capital murder.

[1:33:07] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:33:08] Unknown speaker: And we found out that the jurisdiction of your reign of queen didn't extend to Timothy's field.

[1:33:13] Unknown speaker: No.

[1:33:14] Unknown speaker: So if we had only done it in the gym, we'd have been okay.

[1:33:19] Unknown speaker: Why were we having prom on a Wednesday?

[1:33:22] Unknown speaker: Because it's cheaper, like a wedding!

[1:33:24] Unknown speaker: Well, and we're not a pro-abstinence high school.

[1:33:27] Unknown speaker: We are a pro-sexual hell, so we had it on hump day to encourage the children to do it.

[1:33:31] Unknown speaker: Yay!

[1:33:33] Unknown speaker: And I feel like at the end of this documentary where credits roll and there's a freeze frame of everybody, is there like one sentence to sum up each of these people's lives?

[1:33:42] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:33:43] Unknown speaker: In mine, it's like, you see, it's like a great, like, you're giving me the crown, and I'm smiling, and he's happier than he's ever been, and he's looking at his star, and it just says, Vinny visited Australia and was suitably impressed.

[1:34:00] Unknown speaker: Since Tiffany started the angry mob but didn't participate herself, she was able to dodge all allegations and then started a cult.

[1:34:07] Unknown speaker: Perfect.

[1:34:08] Unknown speaker: Sarah returned to Egypt, and there was like a whole weird, like, Stargate-ass spin-off where she ascended and became Isis Reborn.

[1:34:17] Unknown speaker: Genre switch!

[1:34:21] Unknown speaker: Morgan and Sarah's relationship continued to blossom, and Morgan went to Stanford and was very successful in their pursuit of team mascot pageantry.

[1:34:25] Unknown speaker: Tragically, they would go on to be the human torch at the Olympics, but the match and the fuse would not work, and they burned up inside the costume.

[1:34:34] Unknown speaker: Oh no!

[1:34:39] Unknown speaker: It's okay, Isis brought you back, and now we call you Osiris.

[1:34:43] Unknown speaker: Yay!

[1:34:44] Unknown speaker: Yay!

[1:34:45] Unknown speaker: And Jessica...

[1:34:48] Unknown speaker: We went for Jessica Jones in Moon Knight in a really crazy way.

[1:34:52] Unknown speaker: And then finally, this feels so inappropriate, and that's what Jessica...

[1:34:55] Unknown speaker: Jessica Jones lived, period, end Blackout.

[1:35:00] Unknown speaker: Yeah!

[1:35:01] Unknown speaker: Amazing.

[1:35:02] Unknown speaker: This was glorious.

[1:35:03] Unknown speaker: Thanks, everybody, for listening.

[1:35:05] Unknown speaker: We're in Chicago for, like, four more weeks?

[1:35:08] Unknown speaker: Yeah!

[1:35:09] Unknown speaker: Yeah, come see the show.

[1:35:11] Unknown speaker: If you want to see Aabria, you got, like, three more days.

[1:35:14] Unknown speaker: Come hang out.

[1:35:15] Unknown speaker: Hustle.

[1:35:16] Unknown speaker: Yeah.

[1:35:17] Unknown speaker: Until next time, ale.

[1:35:21] Unknown speaker: Aeoli!

[1:35:22] Unknown speaker: Aeoli!

[1:35:23] Unknown speaker: Aeoli!

[1:35:24] Unknown speaker: Aeoli and Wellman.

[1:35:25] Unknown speaker: Aeoli and Wellman.

[1:35:26] Unknown speaker: Monster.

[1:35:28] Unknown speaker: Oh.

[1:35:29] Unknown speaker: Oh.

[1:35:31] Unknown speaker: I'm so happy.

[1:35:32] Unknown speaker: Me too.

[1:35:35] Unknown speaker: Thank you so fucking much.

[1:35:36] Unknown speaker: Thank you for letting us.