This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] RJ Christian: I can hear RJ in my brain. Big Diggityoo. Oh it's me, RJ. I'm in your mind. I'm in your thoughts.

[0:30] Albie: Hell yeah, dude. Well, you're not just in my brain and thoughts. You're in everybody's brain and thoughts now, baby.

[0:45] RJ Christian: Don't say it ain't so!

[0:46] Albie: No, say it is so. This is AL and Well Met, my dude. It's the Twenty Sided Tavern Podcast.

[0:53] RJ Christian: The Twenty Sided Tavern Podcast.

[0:56] Albie: Oh my gosh. Oh, but we're going Delilah vibes this week, baby.

[1:00] RJ Christian: I will do the talk at the Twenty Sided Tavern. Look out for the orcs.

[1:06] Albie: Somebody be weird and ordinary.

[1:09] RJ Christian: Jazz Delilah.

[1:10] Albie: People, and there's an orc inside your head.

[1:14] RJ Christian: Please stop your entire career trajectory and be like a scat late night DJ.

[1:20] Albie: Let's go to the party at the Twenty Sided. Not twenty.

[1:25] RJ Christian: It's RJ coming at you from WKDF9000 playing the fucking smooth jazz on the AM radio.

[1:38] Albie: Hey, RJ, it's me, Billy from Saskatchewan, and I'm really missing my honey.

[1:43] RJ Christian: Could you send out a little scat jam for my baby, Veronica?

[1:48] Albie: Absolutely. This one goes out to that sweet honey girl, Veronica. May you come back and find some love.

[2:02] RJ Christian: It's like, what's the Internet rule that like everything gets to Hitler in like eight comments or whatever?

[2:10] Albie: I forget what number that is.

[2:12] RJ Christian: It's the same thing as that like any scat becomes Le'Veon Rose.

[2:17] Albie: It's too bad.

[2:23] RJ Christian: All vocal jazz becomes Louis Armstrong in like, you know, at least like three jumps.

[2:30] Albie: There's no way around it.

[2:32] RJ Christian: Oh, no.

[2:34] Albie: Like you get there.

[2:35] RJ Christian: It's hard.

[2:36] Albie: It's actually an impression I can do pretty well.

[2:40] RJ Christian: I think to myself that this will get me canceled.

[2:50] Albie: All right, well, that's that's a podcast. Thanks so much for listening.

[2:54] RJ Christian: We could do this for another 45 minutes, but we're hanging out.

[2:58] Albie: We're still here. We're still in Chicago. We're hanging out once again at what I'm calling Kitchenette Studios currently.

[3:07] RJ Christian: We're going to go back through some. We have a channel on our Discord called Side Questions, and they're like little question discussion starters.

[3:18] Albie: And we do them every day.

[3:19] RJ Christian: Yeah, on the side, little side, little question to be discussed.

[3:23] Albie: And they're like icebreakers, and we used to do one every day, and we've gotten chill about it.

[3:27] RJ Christian: But like, I don't know. So this is one, a pitch for come hang out with us on Discord if you're not already.

[3:34] Albie: And two, I don't know. Sometimes the discussions get nutty.

[3:39] RJ Christian: Sometimes we don't get to like, you know, text based discussions are not always as.

[3:45] Albie: Exactly.

[3:46] RJ Christian: You know, in person we can get you can get the meat.

[3:49] Albie: You get the emotion.

[3:50] RJ Christian: Yes.

[3:51] Albie: You know, how passionately do I feel about eating?

[3:54] RJ Christian: Yeah, exactly.

[3:56] Albie: Yeah.

[3:57] RJ Christian: So we just went through and picked out like a couple of our favorites from the last like month or two.

[4:02] Albie: And we're just going to drill down, man. And, you know, as always, chime in. If you've got opinions, you know where to find us.

[4:08] RJ Christian: Again, the Discord is the easiest way to do it. Come in and find that Verbal Components channel and yell at us.

[4:15] Albie: Or you can at us. I don't care.

[4:16] RJ Christian: Yeah, be nice, mean, whatever.

[4:19] Albie: Yeah. Be nice.

[4:21] RJ Christian: Yeah, let's be nice.

[4:22] Albie: Or be wrong, I guess.

[4:24] RJ Christian: If you're mean, I'm just going to be like.

[4:28] Albie: Okay, where do you want to do you have a place you want to start?

[4:31] RJ Christian: We have five or six, and we just teased two of them.

[4:34] Albie: I am feeling very hot about centaurs and cummerbunds.

[4:38] RJ Christian: Okay, well, then let's do that. I guess about a month or change ago.

[4:42] Albie: God, we were in Kentucky, I think, when this happened.

[4:45] RJ Christian: So Jasmine said, asked us right in our group chat.

[4:50] Albie: Yeah, I think it was a real conversation. And then it went to the group chat. That was if a centaur was in a show choir and he needed to wear a cummerbund, where would he wear it and how?

[5:03] RJ Christian: And a fight. Archie is already looking at me like he wants to physically attack me. I'm not sure if we're on opposite sides of this or not, but I'm going to walk into this conversation with some peace.

[5:19] Albie: Okay, so historically, I'll put some Zen music right here. Historically, the garment of the cummerbund was meant to catch the crumbs that would fall into your lap while you were eating.

[5:32] RJ Christian: Is that true?

[5:34] Albie: Maybe. I'm like, I've never searched this.

[5:44] RJ Christian: We have the Internet right here.

[5:46] Albie: Oh, if I'm wrong about this? Oh, God. It sounds right, though, right?

[5:52] RJ Christian: Oh, yeah.

[5:54] Albie: Because, like, crumberbund.

[5:56] RJ Christian: Crumber.

[5:57] Albie: Crumber.

[5:58] RJ Christian: Crumber.

[5:59] Albie: Crumber belt. Crumbs for fun turned into cummerbund.

[6:02] RJ Christian: Yeah.

[6:03] Albie: Because also the end of the function, you're hammered. It's like, dude, instead of saying, hey, Billy, you have to take off your crumbs for fun. It's like, Billy, take off your cummerbund.

[6:12] RJ Christian: Cummerbund.

[6:13] Albie: I shall commodify this and sell it and make it a part of all suits.

[6:19] RJ Christian: But if – right. Let's say that is correct.

[6:23] Albie: Okay.

[6:24] RJ Christian: Let's just say for the purposes –

[6:25] Albie: Well, what does the Internet say?

[6:27] RJ Christian: Okay.

[6:28] Albie: The immediate thing I'm getting is originated in 19th century India as a practical, cool alternative to the formal waistcoat worn by British military officers adopted from the local Indian cummerband.

[6:43] RJ Christian: Hmm.

[6:44] Albie: Sounds like I have no basis.

[6:47] RJ Christian: Where is that?

[6:48] Albie: In reality. We're getting out of the full Wikipedia here. Let's see.

[6:51] RJ Christian: Yep.

[6:52] Albie: Was adopted by British military officers in colonial India.

[6:55] RJ Christian: So it's racist.

[6:57] Albie: So that's good.

[6:58] RJ Christian: Where they saw it worn by Indian soldiers of the British Indian Army. It was adopted as an alternative to the waistcoat and later spread to civilian use.

[7:07] Albie: Interesting.

[7:08] RJ Christian: Yeah.

[7:09] Albie: Okay. Well, I guess utility aside, reformatting, refunctioning.

[7:17] RJ Christian: So the cummerbund, right? We're learning. RJ, tell us about the origin of the cummerbund.

[7:23] Albie: No.

[7:24] RJ Christian: I don't think I will.

[7:29] Albie: Well, hold on. I still want it. Like it's there. Like – okay. It's a napkin.

[7:34] RJ Christian: It's –

[7:35] Albie: Let's assume that there's some function.

[7:38] RJ Christian: Well, I think also if it's at the bottom of the shirt, right?

[7:42] Albie: Yes.

[7:43] RJ Christian: It is an upper body garment.

[7:46] Albie: Yeah.

[7:47] RJ Christian: Like a waistcoat.

[7:48] Albie: And the centaur doesn't wear a waistcoat on their horseback.

[7:51] RJ Christian: No.

[7:52] Albie: They wear it on their waist.

[7:53] RJ Christian: Yes.

[7:54] Albie: Like I'm with you. There was much discussion that was like, well, it should go at the – like regardless of when it started where, it's supposed to like cover up your belt, right?

[8:06] RJ Christian: It's like supposed to cover up the gap in between your shirt and your pants.

[8:09] Albie: Now, centaur don't got no pants.

[8:13] RJ Christian: Well, I want to take it to another place.

[8:17] Albie: Yes.

[8:18] RJ Christian: If it was to go on their horsey back, how would they put it on?

[8:22] Albie: Wait, on their horsey back?

[8:24] RJ Christian: On the horseback, like a saddle.

[8:26] Albie: Yes. If it were to go there and strapped on, how would a centaur put that on?

[8:32] RJ Christian: Oh, yeah. No, they definitely have to have squires, which centaurs famously do not want, right? Centaurs in most media and like mythology are pretty like, you put a saddle on me, you will die.

[8:44] Albie: Yeah.

[8:45] RJ Christian: Yeah. They're like, I am not a horse. I'm different.

[8:48] Albie: Yeah. They're not into clothes at all, really.

[8:50] RJ Christian: No.

[8:51] Albie: Usually they're like, I'm trying to shoot arrows and let my whole horse genitalia fling free.

[8:55] RJ Christian: Also, their main – they don't –

[9:00] Albie: Get into it.

[9:01] RJ Christian: They don't have – there is no genitalia at the base of their human parts, right? It's not like there's a –

[9:06] Albie: No, yeah.

[9:08] RJ Christian: Right. You make a good point. Centaur on human lovemaking is going to be intense, no matter which way that's going.

[9:17] Albie: Well, I'll say that personally, I've never seen –

[9:21] RJ Christian: When you made love to centaurs.

[9:22] Albie: When I made love to centaurs, it has not been very fun.

[9:25] RJ Christian: No.

[9:26] Albie: I've never seen a centaur pee-pee.

[9:29] RJ Christian: Anytime I've seen a centaur –

[9:31] Albie: They don't do that.

[9:32] RJ Christian: They cut that scene in Harry Potter out.

[9:34] Albie: What the fuck? He's teaching everybody about the cosmos or whatever, and you just look over this massive puddle of urine.

[9:42] RJ Christian: It's just on the floor of Hogwarts. Sorry, guys.

[9:46] Albie: But they're always drawn like either Ken dolls or just sort of chased.

[9:51] RJ Christian: At least – I mean, the internet exists. You can find a picture of that.

[9:54] Albie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. In most depictions in popular media, I have not seen any set of genitalia.

[10:01] RJ Christian: Yeah, certainly in children's films, where they often are.

[10:04] Albie: C.S. Lewis, the towering writers of faith, C.S. Lewis and J.R. Tolkien, didn't spend a lot of time – I hope they did. I hope they got real drunk and they were in The Eagle and Child.

[10:16] RJ Christian: They were like, listen, C.S. – I don't know what their damn names are.

[10:20] Albie: Charles Sarles. Listen, Chuck. What about his dick?

[10:24] RJ Christian: I don't want to draw it.

[10:27] Albie: It's long. Where's Mr. Tumnus's hog?

[10:33] RJ Christian: Yeah, Mr. Tumnus is kind of Ken doll.

[10:35] Albie: He's just a fuzzy Ken doll.

[10:36] RJ Christian: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[10:37] Albie: Or he's furry enough that it's up in theirs.

[10:39] RJ Christian: But like, okay, yes. How would they put that on, to your question? It's like, yeah, they wouldn't be able to turn around and put that on.

[10:46] Albie: Also, it wouldn't make any sense. Either it would be a little, like, affectation on his ass, or it would be up under and, like, would serve zero function at all.

[10:57] RJ Christian: It's just another – like, I can imagine them putting, like, a cape on their horseback or, like, something strange.

[11:05] Albie: But I can't even reach my back. You know, I can't scratch parts of my back.

[11:09] RJ Christian: If I was a centaur, I'd just let it go.

[11:11] Albie: Yeah, it's like, why is your cummerbund a, like, felt tramp stamp on this centaur?

[11:21] RJ Christian: Yeah, it's ridiculous.

[11:23] Albie: I also think, in this question specifically that it got into, it's like, the premise is we have a centaur who wants to be in a show choir, right? And, like, show choirs have rules.

[11:35] RJ Christian: So there was some people who were like, well, why would he have to wear one at all? Because they don't wear pants.

[11:40] Albie: If you don't wear pants, there's no need to have a cummerbund, because you can just, you could tailor a shirt to sit well on a centaur body.

[11:48] RJ Christian: I feel like it's, we get into Air Bud rules, where it's like, there's no rule that says a centaur has to wear pants.

[11:52] Albie: There's definitely no rule that a centaur can't be in show choir.

[11:58] RJ Christian: But I guarantee you, you've been in show choirs. Have you not?

[12:02] Albie: I've been in regular choir.

[12:05] RJ Christian: Okay. You've never done, like, a competitive show choir thing.

[12:09] Albie: I was, there was one school in my county, and they did not have a show choir.

[12:13] RJ Christian: Wow.

[12:14] Albie: Yeah, okay.

[12:15] RJ Christian: So I did. Okay. I did some show choir, and, like, you usually, there's a dress code, usually.

[12:22] Albie: And, like, man, nothing like a high school show choir director getting funky with what he can get funky with.

[12:29] RJ Christian: Like, you have to have a tie. We had a thing one year where we all wore, I think Dan Bishop wanted to make us look more as much like Backstreet Boys as we could.

[12:40] Albie: Or boys to men, becoming men.

[12:43] RJ Christian: Boys transitioning to men as we could. And, like, we had little, like, God, I don't even, like, a button. What would you call that? Like, not a cuff link for your neck, a neck link, I don't know.

[12:56] Albie: A bolo tie?

[12:57] RJ Christian: What's going on?

[12:58] Albie: Not a bolo tie. It was, like, it went through, we didn't have a collar.

[13:01] RJ Christian: Oh, I know what you're talking about.

[13:04] Albie: And then just a stud, like, holding the two things together. And there was some, like, he had to get that approved, and we went, and people were, like, oh, oh, oh, oh, they're not wearing ties.

[13:15] RJ Christian: And he was, like, well, I got it approved, it's a neck fastening thing, and, like, so there are rules.

[13:19] Albie: Like, definitely there are dress codes, and, like, you have to look away. Like, Whoopi Goldberg would have got in trouble in Sister Act 2.

[13:27] RJ Christian: They probably would have had to forfeit, because they weren't wearing robes or whatever.

[13:31] Albie: Well, I imagine that this, you know, the Ruby Bridges centaur, you know, the first centaur who's in show choir.

[13:39] RJ Christian: Seabiscuit Bridges.

[13:46] Albie: A true black beauty.

[13:48] RJ Christian: Exactly.

[13:49] Albie: But that centaur, I feel like, you know, there'd be news articles. Happy birthday, Ruby, just turned 77, I think. You know, and that's odd that that was so recent.

[14:01] Murray: If Ruby, friend of the podcast. Yeah, I mean, I mean, we'd love to have you on Ruby if you want to talk about if you want to come tell the world about centaur dicks, then please.

[14:12] RJ Christian: Let's get her on Twenty Sided Tavern. Oh my god. Ruby Bridge's guest star in T-Magic. Oh my god, that'd be unbelievable.

[14:19] Murray: Holy crap. Okay. So but we've got our airbud, our air bridges centaur. Well, I think that she would, this centaur would make some waves. Yes, if it's like, well, we're not saying you can't be on the team. We're just saying you'd have to wear, you have to wear the stuff. But I can't fit. It's like, oh, you can't be like play. That would be movements. There'd be marches. People will get pissed.

[14:40] RJ Christian: But also I think the easiest way to do that would be like to tailor some shit. Yeah, and she'd be like, all right, well, you've got to wear one and we have to like, make a new harness. Change the rules, change the lives. Yeah, change the game.

[14:53] Murray: They made air but air but Ward Jersey, didn't he? I think I've never seen air, but I've made a thousand million jokes about it in my life. I know. I know the bad guys a clown that owns him and is like harass a literal clown. Yeah, like a birthday clown.

[15:10] RJ Christian: But the center doesn't have an owner or anything like this is just like a centaur who like wanders in and wants to say just father. I don't want to rule the forest. I want to sing mashups of K-pop Demon Hunter songs. Dad, I forbid it. I'm your father. Nay. I'll never be like you. Nay. All right.

[15:34] Murray: I think we've done it. I think that's good. But like, this is it. This is a centaur. Now, I'll just like I more important. That's to me is like, yeah.

[15:46] RJ Christian: One of them taught Achilles. I read that book about how Achilles and Patroclus deflowered each other in a centaur's cave. That sounds right. National Book Award winner. I mean, I think I'm talking about some garbage.

[16:03] Murray: Listen, I didn't know what the origin of a cummerbund. So I'm not one to talk. I'll believe anything. Yeah, that's true. Probably. Yes, it's the word come. But is it? Wow. Wow. I'm proud of us both for assuming crumbs and not anything else.

[16:22] RJ Christian: Hey, all right. Let's get into it. I want to do this one. I want to do. Oh, yes. What Pokemon would you eat and how would you prepare it? This was a DLC. This was a DLC.

[16:38] Murray: Hey, all right. Let's get into it. I want to do this one. I want to do. Oh, yes. What Pokemon would you eat? And how would you prepare it? This was a Diego F. Salinas question, of course, and people went nuts. I am. I'm curious. You know more of the Pokemon's than I do, I believe.

[17:02] RJ Christian: There's some new. Well, they got. I love you, Pokemon company. I love you, Game Freak. They got a little lazy in the recent seasons. So some of them are just like Klefki is keys. And like, there's there's one real. Yeah.

[17:18] Murray: Klefki is like keys and and there's new sound attacks. Precisely. Wow. OK. And then like there's a Pokemon named Vanilla Ice who is a ice cream cone. All right. And I wonder what that ice cream tastes like.

[17:33] RJ Christian: But like, is it ice cream cone? Does it look like an ice cream cone? But it's got like a digestive system in there. Like, is it that where we in a like, is it cake or is it an animal situation?

[17:46] Murray: I'm I wonder what that ice cream tastes like. Yeah. Like, is there a lean cut? You know, is there fat in it? Like, sure. Or is it like a sentient magical ice cream? This is the I want to eat that ice cream. OK, so bad. That's I guess.

[18:04] RJ Christian: It's like different colors. I think it's like white and blue, if I remember correctly. So that's either the classic Superman flavor. There's just vanilla. Oh, yeah. Or yeah, right. I want to eat that Pokemon. Oh, man. Just a big fat vanilla Pokemon, right?

[18:23] Murray: Like, how do you how do you evolve that? You know, like, how does just more and more scoops slip a slip of banana underneath it becomes a sundae sundae sundae cleft sundae cleft. But like, how does how does Darwin explain a Pokemon? It looks like a delicious ice cream cone.

[18:44] RJ Christian: You know, like, how do we like, yes, this is the fittest creature is the that looks delicious. Does it make sense?

[19:19] Murray: Darwin's Pikachu.

[19:25] RJ Christian: The Voyage of the Blastoise. What a great book.

[19:29] Murray: Oh, man. Beagle. I couldn't come up with it. Is there a Pokemon that's closer to a beagle?

[19:39] RJ Christian: Sure. The Voyage of the Houndoom.

[19:42] Murray: That's I mean, that's easy. Okay. All right. Also, what are? Okay, what are Pokemon rule? Okay, can I kill these things? Like, like, is it possible? Because I think they just all faint, right?

[19:54] RJ Christian: I mean, I think it's because we're playing a merciful guy. I think you can kill him.

[20:00] Murray: That's just Ash and his bullshit. Team Rocket be murdering.

[20:03] RJ Christian: Yeah, that's the those are legally sanctioned animal battles. If we're going street rules.

[20:09] Murray: It really is. It really is like an enormous, an enormous IP in our world that like, really in our culture that is not okay with animal fights.

[20:24] RJ Christian: It's and it's like this animal fight. The battles going like, I'm gonna take my guy. I'm gonna knock out all of your guys. Yeah. And you're gonna have to take them to the hospital. Yeah, regularly. And you're gonna pay me money when I beat you. It's crazy.

[20:38] Murray: I mean, I mean, that's kind of the reason we're not like we're not okay with, you know, dog fighting and stuff. Yeah, fighting is that like, you can't like, the puppies aren't nice after right, you have to really mess them up.

[20:50] RJ Christian: Because like, you know, your Pikachu is like, pretty chill. And like, until it's like, oh, wait, time to fight. I know. It's weird that Ash's Pikachu is like, yeah, I'm gonna make you fight that big old dragon. And it's gonna kick your ass. You're gonna still be cool with me.

[21:02] Murray: And you're gonna be like, totally chill all the time. Right? Like, all of them. Like, they like, they're so cute. They're like, Oh, Caterpie or whatever. And then you make them you make them fight. We can't do that in real life.

[21:15] RJ Christian: You won't make a chicken fight another chicken like you got big you but you first thing you need is a pissed off chicken. Yeah, you got to freak them out. Break their brain.

[21:25] Murray: I'm gonna that dog is freaked out. It's mad.

[21:36] RJ Christian: Yeah. But then afterwards, just like, scritches like a belly. But like, yeah, we boy we do just like everybody. Everybody children's like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, fight your little pocket monsters. Do you love them so much? Have you become emotionally attached to a make them fight? I don't know. I think I want like, magic carps aren't really delicious. Like, historically bottom feeder.

[22:04] Murray: Is there a tilapia poke? Yeah, right. Magic tilapia. Magic tilapia. Yeah, yeah. I like tilapia. Magic salmon. Magic salmon. Oh, magic salmon would be delicious. Yeah, there's not just like a like a cow Pokemon. Is there milk tank? Is that real? Yes, milk. It's like milk tank is the joke. Yep. And it's got like some some some crazy udders. I got to look at a milk tank now.

[22:34] RJ Christian: We're using the internet for things. We've learned about cummerbunds.

[23:04] Murray: Oh, it's like a kangaroo vibe, too. Because it's like the one picture I'm looking at. He's like balancing back on his tail and looks like he's about to do straight up milk attack. Yeah, he will. I was about to say he will squirt. And I have said it. I mean, you've done it. Wow. He will squirt. He will. What are his moves?

[23:26] RJ Christian: Ability hidden is sap zipper. Also, his abilities are thick, fat and scrappy. What is thick fat as an ability? I think it reduces the damage taken from fire type Pokemon. He's got fat. He's thick. The cows immune to fire. All right, well, I'm eating a milk tank. I want to I want I want first of all, I want a milk tank milkshake. I want to make ice. We're going to get your ice cream one.

[23:51] Murray: Oh my God. And we're going to get some milk tank. Hold on. Look, and we're going to make a friggin steak shake. And I helped. Let's go into business. This is amazing. Team Rocket, you are not devious enough.

[24:09] RJ Christian: No, you don't. I wonder. I wonder if fire Pokemon are still spicy. They would have to be right. My God. Well, you think you're the healthiest for you if you eat them? Feels like air type as a grass type. It was a grass type. Yeah. For your riboflavin.

[24:25] Murray: Riboflavin sounds like a Pokemon. Riboflavin, riboflavin, riboflavin, riboflavin. I'm sorry, riboflavin. I need my vitamins. Come here. Yeah. Grass type. Yeah. Ghost types probably are like that's like eating celery. Zero calories, zero calories in or out. It's just you're just moving your mouth. Oh, man. So wild. There you go. All right.

[24:53] RJ Christian: So that's for me. I'm just like, what are we? What are we? Yeah. What's what's the one that looks most like a cow? I. Yeah. Also, I snake Pokemon always look good to me. Oh, like a big, big roasted arbok cobra thing. Yeah. Yeah. Backwards. Wow. Just really, really doing the work over there. Listen, I was it. I was in those trenches. I played those Pokemon. Yeah. Hard. Yeah. Yeah.

[25:23] Murray: See, that's I've never I have never once in my life tried to complete a Pokedex of any kind. Like I just missed it, man. Just missed. But it's hard to avoid. That's again, like I have absorbed fully no Pokemon properties, but God dang, so much of it just like gets into your head.

[25:40] RJ Christian: Well, I think I'm really intrigued about how they design Pokemon because it'll be like, OK, this is, you know, a bird that reminds us culturally of Richard Nixon. And it's like, OK, you know, there's, you know, you know, what's called like a tricky, tricky brick or.

[26:02] Murray: Yeah. And it's like, OK, that's the design. And it'll advance like, oh, now instead of, you know, a pigeon that looks like Nixon, it's like an eagle that looks like Reagan and like and like I'm being crazy. There's like this is how they do it. It's like, oh, that's fun. Yeah. Evolution doesn't necessarily mean like a Darwinian evolution.

[26:25] RJ Christian: No, it's just like it just means like what's next? Yeah. It's more of a yes. And that a Todd like toddler on speed like made God is like, you know, be even funnier if given wings and Reagan's face.

[26:39] Murray: Absolutely. Bad shit. I sort of sub question this on our little sheet. It's like, is there any other fantasy beast that you've ever like been like watching something or reading something and be like, oh, that'd be good. Want to eat one of them?

[26:58] RJ Christian: I feel like the I think them things they fly on an avatar look delicious.

[27:15] Murray: No, no, no, no, no. I could never. I have too much of an emotional. I have too much of an emotional other avatar, blue avatar.

[27:30] RJ Christian: Oh, oh, the like the like snake, chicken, bird. Oh, my gosh. I feel like they will be really, really good. Also, because I have a theory that the more emotionally connected you get to an animal, the more delicious. Oh, you're.

[27:52] Murray: That's why rabbit and lamb are so good. Oh, my. They're like cute and nice. And you're like, oh, and they're so tender. So, you know, I'm I'm going old school Loch Ness monster.

[27:58] RJ Christian: Oh, you want cryptid feast? I want that cryptid feast. I mean, you think that's going to be fishy or like reptile?

[28:01] Murray: Well, I feel like you're saying one of my favorite meats frog. I love frogs. I feel like it have that like a little bit. Oh, yeah. But a little bit fishy kind of taste.

[28:02] RJ Christian: Or like crocodile or you know like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah ancient crocodile though but Nessie is gonna be tough oh I'm sure Nessie has some fat come on yeah yeah yeah but like she's old that's I'm just saying like or unless we go back in time and get Nessie.

[28:22] Murray: Not at all. Not at all. I was thinking like that I was like I saw the evil in your eye. We could presuppose that basically Nessie isn't one Nessie. Nessie's many Nessies.

[28:33] RJ Christian: That makes more sense. And there's like a small population of these monsters that live in this lock and there's an underground like uh I think this is actually one of the like you know theories with all the quotes in the world is that there's like a tunnel out into the sea from Loch Ness.

[28:49] Murray: So then like essentially Loch Ness is just a breeding ground for these things that they return to it every once in a while. One comes up.

[28:59] RJ Christian: Yeah. So every once in a while somebody sees one of these giant majestic sea diplodocus's sea brontosaurus and like yeah but like yeah I think you're right in that case they'd probably be really really good yeah like real fatty but like delicious.

[29:13] Murray: We could just eat some dolphins which is the same. So intelligent and cute. Nessie this is just dolphin. It's just flipper. I want my money back.

[29:28] RJ Christian: I got served fake Nessie again. Dang it. Put a little mayonnaise in there think you can fool me. I know what this is. But there's something to be said like yeah I want if you're going to just absorb something's power. A cryptid is. Just for vibes.

[29:45] Murray: Yeah yeah. I eat moth man.

[29:51] RJ Christian: Yeah man. Little little little chupacabra. Yeah. Little chupacabra kebab. Gonna taste like goat I assume. Been sucking on them goats. You are what you eat.

[29:56] Murray: Okay okay this is a wholesome one. This is a nice wholesome one because we did just talk about like mythical penises and and eating beloved creatures.

[30:12] RJ Christian: Yeah and like and also like whimsical cockfighting for a while. This was Diego also asked this one a little while ago was just tell me about a little victory that you've had.

[30:19] Murray: Just so also anybody who's considering is like I don't want to be part of these discussions. It's like sometimes they're positive and wholesome. They're not always very freaky or just turn on a freaky pad.

[30:29] RJ Christian: It's a little victory you've had the other day I ate a Pokemon.

[30:33] Murray: You got a little victory.

[30:45] RJ Christian: I do got a little victory. So I don't know how many of you know this. I am a musical theater writer. I write music and lyrics.

[30:51] Murray: He's really good.

[30:51] RJ Christian: And I presented a little bit. I'm writing this murder mystery set in a door factory and so there's.

[30:58] Murray: Fuck you. I can't believe that's never been done. That's awesome.

[31:05] RJ Christian: It's it's when we had the idea it was like brilliant. And so I presented a little bit of that in this like workshop and the response was like yeah it's going to be a hit when you finish this is going to be a hit.

[31:17] Murray: And it was really exciting because we it was so new an idea and we were really like sort of trying to find the best of it to show and but the response was really great and I felt super such a funny idea like that's like the level the end of Monsters Inc level exactly where it's like you know we see the big reveal and everyone's running in and out of like eight different doors you never know if a door's real or not or if it's going because there's just doors everywhere.

[31:45] RJ Christian: Yeah door just leaves nowhere because just the wall oh my god that's so funny it's gonna be good.

[31:50] Murray: Yeah that's really really great what a what a very good idea you got a victory you know what mine was on stage the other day I like busted I like pulled the guitar down off the wall and like wrote a little verse of a song right yeah I'm like I'm excited to do that more to like really take a minute and try to like all right let's do a verse and like have it mean something and then like a chorus that maybe we can get everybody to sing but I did solidly like pulled it down and took a minute and like didn't parody anything.

[32:30] RJ Christian: Oh that you know what I mean I didn't play a different song and change four words I just like wrote I think you were on stage for that no you weren't there was a seal one it was a seal shirt legend but it was like I like just say like you know wrote a butt rock chorus to a I'd like that both of our victories are musical yes but like uh yeah it felt nice to go like to not parody anything to have it be like raw and real and like okay this is a thing that I can do there.

[32:58] Murray: Um and then my other tiny victory was that um I ate all of the romaine lettuce that I bought yeah that's a even greater than writing.

[33:04] RJ Christian: Yeah that's hard that's like well that's a really good little victory is that like I I ate three salads in a week I ate three big old salads a week I bought a bag of three romaine heads and I ate them all good job that uh head of lettuce finally made it to lettuce heaven.

[33:21] Murray: Yes most of them die halfway crunkled in the bag and they go to yes produce hell dude oh my god produce produce gatorade produce gatorade produce gatorade that's the best one it's the sequel to veggie tales that they do not want you to pop a tomato in limbo because he's like I don't they won't send me to hell because I've worked for the lord for too long but I can't get into heaven because it turns out I'm a fucking cucumber I don't have a soul on that do you know that the the internal rule was veggie tales there's there's two well there's at least two one of them is that you can't depict jesus as a vegetable the other one is that the vegetables cannot have a personal relationship with god interesting that's why they're always like god made you special because they are vegetables they do not have souls sure and god's bigger than the boogeyman exactly but it's never like you know bob the tomato is not going to heaven no he's a tomato that's what I'm saying like yeah they can't they can't so what happens to them I mean I guess technically they never die it's that thing where like you always talk about a fictional care grammatically you always talk about a fictional character in the present tense even if they die at the end of the book because technically they exist always it's like a homer simpson went to college like exactly in 1950 and 1970 and 1990 exactly yeah he went in like homer is yeah perpetually homer is and like which is interesting so I guess bob and bob and larry function bob and larry are functionally immortal uh I used to hang out with madame blueberry all the time uh the voice of madame blueberry and mr lunt yes and what was was some of my weird yeah yeah yeah I did I did like a christmas dinner theater with mr lunt for a couple years I would that it's very funny none of them are religious but like I was I lived in Nashville for a couple years and uh and like that was a great gig you could get in Nashville was like as a voiceover gig was in VeggieTales and so I hung out with a couple veggies on the reg yeah very very funny oh god but anyway I uh I sent my lettuce to I guess hell then if it didn't have a soul I did murder it plants are alive and someone did kill it and bag it and send its corpse to me unpreserved but washed appreciate that pre-washed but not not preserved and so like yeah I uh I ate the body and blood of uh three heads of romaine lettuce well maybe it's like nirvana you know like the lettuce keeps going around the cycle going back in the bag yes and now you've ended it it's free it was some devout monk came back that's the thing it's like you sit on a mountaintop for long enough and then you're like okay I've hit the produce section of making it to nirvana and I just have to be okay with like rotting to death in like a oh god I'm listen I'm relatively clean but like sometimes it just gets away from you right like surely oh yeah you've had like a horrible crisper ecosystem before absolutely you're like I'm gonna make a salad today if you don't make a salad today it is six days no about the lettuce again yes it's too late yeah it's the lettuce version of never sending that email and so you just like let it you just let us sit there let us be let us be oh let us be let us be making the fucking salad let us be oh man so good okay um we got time for like another one or two here um what do we got there we got we did the cummerbunds oh let's let's get real yeah would you ever consider becoming a vampire classic rules this is when I posed the other day and it was I mean it's polarizing because it's sort of a yes or no yeah whatever but you can drop conditions on it and stuff classic rules I'm saying classic rules are you've got to be invited in it it is a constant bloodlust like you you like the hunger is there but like you can die you can walk into the sun or you can stake yourself or whatever so you're not immortal okay okay like and you'll get more and more physically powerful the longer you live right standard um you know and then like sunlight gets you gar you don't like garlic uh damn but you can turn into a bat I can turn the bat turn into mist eventually that's probably like you're gonna have to hang out and use your powers for a while well in the modern era right like I think if I was smart yes I could amass enough money just by living long enough oh yeah to create you know my own you know a mansion uh like a little city state like literally what Dracula did dude like that's not that's not the modern era like this is this is the appeal of being a vampire is that you get 900 years to like build your rj kingdom of the night well I'm saying that like I could recreate the life I live now yes just like you know with no possibility of sunlight getting in you know I'm just like he's the greatest composer of all time you know he's producing a million tracks a year meanwhile I'm just in my little like sunproof citadel okay okay okay okay okay I've I thought for a moment you were saying that like I will be able to recreate a world in which there is no sun and I was like oh no that is the premise for like a bunch of movies somebody's van Helsing is gonna fuck your shit up dude well you know I'm I'm just trying to be you know no I like it you're trying to ignore him you don't want no trouble yeah I mean like you know I Amazon order like a couple live chickens go slurp them down okay are you saying I could be like a vegetarian vampire do you think yeah do you think with like classic vampire rules that like you're gonna be able to crank out the bangers only on chicken power or do you think maybe you're gonna have to fucking absorb a virgin every once in a while oh you make a good point and then like that's like if you're just living off of usually classic rules like any vampire who tries to be like no I'm living off of rodents and chickens there or whatever they're never as powerful right they're always sort of hungry and emaciated well then I wonder right this is we're going to well it's all speculation yeah but I wonder how the world would accept the vampire and further oh god you're gonna come out okay like what if I like move to Sweden and I was like you know I think blood donors would work that's you could start a weird cult they're so easy there are millions of people who would sell me like send me blood oh dog also like people would sign up to be your thralls in a heartbeat I would have a whole social media vampire like empire are you kidding oh wait my life would be awesome wait wait hold on with social media I would live like a king you just be out like move to like Romania in like a tower classic rules just like hey guys here's my p.o box tell me you're just like if anybody wants to go oh my god I'll do an unboxing on your stream on stream yeah they would love it people would send you so much of their blood dude you'd have you'd people will be shipping their you their blood constantly and like I wonder if that made me god that might be even more potent like blood willingly giving oh my oh like magic willing yeah like you might be even getting more power from that and especially like if you've got this like if you're composing and like people just love baron von rj's tunes so yeah oh my god I this yeah it's great I talked myself into it at this point I mean the the big bitch is like always you're gonna outlive everybody and like you're gonna yeah but also you we've you figured out a way to like at this point be like listen I need blood to live and I just want to give make art so like give me blood I just need a little patron and I'll be good to go literally patron see Dracula didn't have in the internet yeah right right he had to like he would have loved it well I mean also I guess he just didn't understand consent like he could have just been like hi Mina nice to meet you here's my deal I mean fucking Edward at least

[42:32] RJ Christian: I think I wouldn't want to turn anybody else into a vampire though. But you don't have to like I think that's real easy but like people are gonna want it. Oh you're gonna absolutely have you're gonna need security. Please bite me. Yeah please bite me. I'm cool you might suck. Oh what about people with cancer? What about kids with cancer? No they want me to turn into. What about a nine year old with cancer? No. Who's gonna die? No but like because I turned into a vampire when I was like 26 and cool you're nine you might be an asshole. Yeah eternal nine year old. I'm gonna be cool forever you might suck eventually. Yeah I mean and also that's like I guess you gotta have a rule right like at some point you have to like the eternal life or like insanely long life is I said this on in the things I was like all gods go insane eventually.

Oh my god. See everyone you love die over and over and over. Yes but usually it's because of isolation and like I think if you can and or that then you also start to think of people without that life as insects. This is the elf problem right in like in pick a pick a world right where like elves get real fucking hoity toity because they're like yeah yeah yeah I know you think this means something but you're gonna die when you're 90 and I'm 500 like and not even getting started yet like yeah yeah yeah I know you think it's a big deal. So it's be it'd be really hard eventually for you to like that's the thing is that like it sounds like you've got a really good thing going right like I'm so on board but like after like you've composed all the symphonies what happens when you run out of notes what happens when you like you see your work turn and you're like I don't know what to do anymore what what could inspire me after living that long what haven't I seen right what text haven't I read vampires in space here we go the sequel I'm going to find the cosmic musics of the stars yeah yeah I need alien blood let's see what that does for me oh my oh freak space would be so dangerous for a vampire though just fucking starlight sunlight everywhere oh wait cosmic rays it's bad out there I mean that that gets me thinking is is it just sunlight or is it all stars I'm gonna say it's all stars I was I'm gonna say I think what it is if we're gonna like grind down into it it's probably uv radiation oh that's like what's killing I mean I guess yeah and like it doesn't happen immediately right like there's always sort of uh like you start yeah sizzling and like depending on the like power of the sun or whatever and if I've got a magnifying glass or whatever oh get that shit yeah yeah vampires and ants uh they are only weakness but like yeah it's got to be like uv radiators like right that was something to do about like the garlic is because it's a blood thinner and like oh that's like why garlic is part of that uh and like so I couldn't take like an aspirin I guess you wouldn't need it you have vampire power okay okay you're right you're regenerating stuff like you've got all that like you're regenerative and like you're doing okay but like I think like you're gonna be like the life that you immediately built sounds great for like 200 years yeah I mean there's also I could you know try to do a stint as a superhero or something sure try and be like like just vampire for good also I guess you could disappear for a while and let the world forget about you yeah then come back a different guy yeah I also like you I mean there's like hibernation techniques too right like I guess again though this is like I've lost it at this point if I'm 200 years old I would say I'd consider it too for all the same reasons you did it's like oh I'd have all this time to write and I could read everything and we're like a vampire scientist who like is like okay I'm a vampire and I'm gonna need y'all's blood but also I'm gonna cure cancer I'm gonna like I don't have to barely sleep I'm just gonna be in this you know god you know I'm the most good yeah but like I am gonna need people to send me blood but there's like a lot of people and there's like blood donors and like you know you could get you as long as you're like on the up and up about it like I mean it gets to that thing where it's you know it's like Hamilton why do you write like you're running out of time right if you have unlimited time what motivates you yeah you know why do we hustle if not because we're gonna die a constitutional law vampire who just like goes to sleep and then just like they get him and he just is like I'm just reading pouring over like theory all the time I'm in law school all the time publish or perish and like and like that's all I do it's like no I'm just here to try and make government fix government and then when I think we've got the good one I'll like launch myself into space and then like just step out of a fucking you know do a spacewalk with no suit and just let the pressure and the sun rip me apart die in slow motion while space oddity plays in the background hell yeah here am I sitting in my tin can that's the bitch you oh no you've been you've been writing music for years and years and you're like I still can't I can't be Chloe it's too good because his mortality drove him to better art is that what happens if you fucking sally airy your ass is like you realize you write you write you write and you're like I don't have it in me because I can't die I cannot live yeah I cannot I there's no reason yeah finish the song yeah why who cares there's no ending yeah so why fiddle with it forever oh my god yeah yeah it's almost like this is why they exist in popular culture it's for us to be like oh no we should die yeah that that seems like it went bad for you at some point it went real good and it went real bad real bad because eventually that's the thing about about time right like long enough like you go nuts because eventually I don't think you can look at other people as as people no I mean then because I forget what source material is but it's like oh you know after my friend died over and over I started just keeping track with his family you know like oh they're oh you're the son of that guy I went to school with yeah and you're oh you're his son it's like um you're not people anymore no like a you know a weekly sitcom I'm checking in yeah yeah I'm just watching your my family line um Octavia Butler did a bunch of that yeah gods yeah which is which is intense and they're like gods but not right they're like earth sort of bound like deity like healer like regenerative gods you ever read any of those uh no and like they're rough but it's the same sort of thing like there's these two gods and one of them is basically engaged in eugenics he's just trying to like make perfect more kids um yeah it's nuts but like he loses his mind and he doesn't think of other people as people but she like knows where all her kids are right like she's got basically a compound of like all of her all of her little deities but like how is that different from a cult yeah weird vampire like castle full of your thralls yeah you get messed up when you can do it forever yeah yeah yeah there's something about that too it's like no I'm gonna get it right I'll get it right right I'll stay if I stay alive long enough I can figure it out now when now we're ego the living planet or whatever from guardians 2 it's like you you live forever doesn't mean you're infinitely smarter or wiser no in fact longer in fact if if a lot of the old people I know or any uh indication you get dumber you get way more stubborn and you think because you've been alive you for long enough you know what's up oh my god I'd be like also I'd be super conservative yeah it's like oh man the overton window has shifted in 250 years things were better 7 000 years ago like what if a guy from like you know a confederate guy got turned to a vampire exactly oh that's that's the plot of sinners yeah yeah it's bad guys it's bad it's not good it's not good man like yeah you can't have like this the easy evil motherfuckers or like kind of blade too like there's they're trying to make themselves like ascended vampire gods in the first one and they're like you know pure blood racist whatever pick a thing yeah it's rough shit man it's tough uh it's tough to stay alive forever true okay let's end on a uh a cute one um would you rather live in a nest or a burrow I think I would rather live in a burrow me too why uh I think you can you can always expand dig deeper I like that go better you can you can make your net I mean nests turn into tree you know ewok village is a nest I think that's a good point arguably ewok village is nest oh that's a really good point they're all interconnected yeah or like beehive is nest that is kind of nice yeah I think I like the the hobbit sensibility too same you know yeah I like the like the the idea this cozier underground to me I'm less exposed I feel safer yeah I'm just I think a badger at heart and not a I like birds a lot but like nah also the double-edged sword of the one entrance right is like no door closed leave me alone oh yes yes yes you can just it's it's like a house but it's cooler because underground I like the natural cooling I also like dark I like yeah be a good place for us to be vampires and let the world forget about us in our vampire burrow vampire burrow yeah vamp end he's gonna sleep for 10 years wake up see what's changed yeah wait for the new iphone poke my head out and if I see my shadow right back in you guys it's vampire day again no Punxsutawney Dracula you guys fixed capitalism yet no I'm out damn it yeah Punxsutawney Vlad oh I see my shadow Bill Murray you're you have not properly fallen in love with woman yet I go I go back into ground hold on it again Bill you must you must love yourself before you can love Andy McDowell goodbye wise words watch that first step it's a doozy

[53:10] RJ Christian: Oh this is a good time this is a lovely chat we got in so many places I have thought so deeply about so many stupid things this frankly is why I think podcasts exist to do exactly what we just did right now um go deep if you've got you know what here we go we'll open this door I'll open this door here if you've got suggestions for side questions DM me on discord on discord you gotta get into discord yeah don't do it on anywhere else but like not on LinkedIn you won't see it no I you good luck finding me uh I don't I don't even know if I have a LinkedIn account dude I think I made one and then never signed into it and I just get email updates like people want to connect why no I have nothing for you I have you know what I mean I think I got suckered into something called alignable which is supposed to be like creator creative LinkedIn and like no good no good just meet me at the bar yeah exactly yeah we'll just hang out and connect for real uh hell yeah tonight is Erica Ishii's first show next week Damien Haas is joining us in Chicago and then the week after that Jack LaPierre's is back hang out we're at the Broadway Playhouse at Broadway in Chicago for three more weeks I am on stage are you on stage tonight no okay well are you on stage tomorrow no are you on stage the day after that uh yeah all right well come come hang out with us come hang out with Erica we're going to have a lot of fun oh yeah uh yeah it's about to continue being weird and excellent uh in Chicago for three more weeks baby um also the day you're listening to this it's Erica's second show because that's how time works oh no oh you missed the first one guys what were you doing where were you didn't know we needed you there was zero tickets sold we needed you guys you could have been the one person in the audience come on you messed it up

[55:20] RJ Christian: Get here all right we'll see you next week for more nonsense till next time oh yes woohoo