This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:57] Jasmin Malave: Welcome, everybody! This is Jasmin. I'm taking over today.

[1:02] Will Champion: Oh, shit.

[1:04] RJ Christian: You've been deposed.

[1:08] Jasmin Malave: Episode 12 and I'm out. F%&k this shit, I'm out. I am going to run a game of Goblin Errands today, which is one of my favorite games to run. And it is a very silly little game where our gobble friends are going to run an errand for their community to try to be helpful.

[1:23] RJ Christian: Yes.

[1:24] Jasmin Malave: That's it. Try. Keyword. Massively. Attempt. Attempt to be helpful. Success not guaranteed.

[1:30] Will Champion: No.

[1:31] Jasmin Malave: Yeah, we've also just made our character sheets and no one has legs.

[1:33] RJ Christian: None.

[1:34] Will Champion: So we're going to see what happens.

[1:36] Jasmin Malave: We always said legs are the lowest.

[1:38] RJ Christian: Legs is a dumb stat.

[1:40] Jasmin Malave: It's a stat I feel like we should say. We do also physically have our legs.

[1:44] Will Champion: For now.

[1:45] Jasmin Malave: Oh, right. Yes, of course. Okay, so we have a little bit of world building that I want to do with y'all, too. Because we had a couple of questions that I didn't answer from the beginning and then a few of them that I have ready. Let's all say hi, too. Let's say, hey, what's up?

[2:00] Alex Murray: It's me. It's our Alex Murray, the ye olde podmaster in the not host but play with crayons and goblins scene.

[2:10] RJ Christian: And this is me, RJ Christian, the third best pod racer.

[2:17] Will Champion: Now that's podcasting.

[2:20] Will Champion: This is Will Champion, the only English person you've ever met.

[2:26] RJ Christian: The only one.

[2:29] Will Champion: It was his fault. He did all of it.

[2:31] RJ Christian: All of it. According to my, what was it, 11th grade history class?

[2:35] Will Champion: Yes.

[2:36] RJ Christian: I was at fault for all of the things.

[2:38] Will Champion: Just a bunch of 15-year-olds glaring at you.

[2:40] RJ Christian: The death stares I got when we talked about the Boston Tea Party, unimaginable.

[2:44] Will Champion: Because you're personally responsible.

[2:46] RJ Christian: Yes, apparently.

[2:47] Will Champion: All those people misunderstanding tariffs right now and voting against their own self-interests.

[2:54] RJ Christian: Good job.

[2:55] Will Champion: Terrible circle.

[2:56] RJ Christian: Idiots.

[2:57] Will Champion: It's time to drop a bunch of Cybertrucksies at the Boston Harbor, y'all.

[2:59] RJ Christian: Damn right.

[3:02] Will Champion: The Boston Truck Party.

[3:03] RJ Christian: The Boston Truck Party!

[3:06] Jasmin Malave: Oh, no.

[3:08] Will Champion: Then we have a monster truck rally after. That's what I want.

[3:12] RJ Christian: Sponsored by Monster Energy.

[3:14] Will Champion: Cyber Derby of Destruction. Yes, please.

[3:17] Jasmin Malave: And I'm Jasmine Malave. In this game, I am your TP, or tall person. The only time I will ever be a tall person.

[3:26] RJ Christian: I love that.

[3:27] Jasmin Malave: Listen, over audio, everyone's tall.

[3:29] RJ Christian: Yes.

[3:30] Jasmin Malave: So, I want to go over really quick some of the questions. So, really quick, too, Will, if you want to take point on some of yours, and then everyone else can also jump in. So, there's a larger settlement around the Ken, and I randomly rolled for our Ken today, which is the goblin community.

[3:46] Will Champion: Also, I love a little fact from the book. If you try to translate Ken, it would vaguely mean, quote, the place where you are known.

[3:54] Jasmin Malave: Love that.

[3:55] Will Champion: Which is Ken. A place where everybody knows your name.

[4:00] Jasmin Malave: I'm changing my goblin's name to Sam Malone. Who wrote this very good role-playing game?

[4:07] RJ Christian: Oh my gosh, yes.

[4:08] Jasmin Malave: Let's give credit where it's due. I always have to apologize, because I don't actually know how to pronounce your last name, so please forgive me. But Martin Nerurkar.

[4:15] Will Champion: Sweet.

[4:16] Jasmin Malave: N-E-R-U-R-K-A-R. And I love your game. I've played and TP'd your game multiple times at this point. We'll put links to as much of your stuff as we can in the episode description, bro.

[4:28] Will Champion: Absolutely.

[4:29] Jasmin Malave: Thank you. Love this game. So, we've got our lovely little Ken, which is on the outskirts, or kind of built into a sprawling temple complex.

[4:41] RJ Christian: Ooh, okay. Love it.

[4:42] Jasmin Malave: And so with that information in mind, what is the larger settlement around the Ken specifically known for?

[4:49] Will Champion: That's perfect, because I had written this settlement. The larger settlement is built into the side of a cliff face that descends farther down into the ground as you go. With the goblin Ken sitting right around the top before the descent begins. I think as they have dug into this cliff face for whatever holy purposes this temple is here for, they are known for exporting the salt that only grows underground in this particular part of the region.

[5:18] Jasmin Malave: It's like an air temple for Himalayan pink salt.

[5:22] Will Champion: Okay, done. They worship the goddess Gwyneth Paltrow.

[5:29] Jasmin Malave: They export salt lamps.

[5:32] Will Champion: That's perfect.

[5:35] Jasmin Malave: They export salt lamps. Bath and little green body works.

[5:39] RJ Christian: Yay.

[5:40] Jasmin Malave: Okay, how big is the Ken? A handful of families? A few hundred? What are we thinking?

[5:45] Will Champion: In my initial brainstorming for this question, I had thought that it's, I think for goblin folk, it's a big number. And sort of set up, you know, series of clans that have sort of intermingled over the years. I said the number varies, but it's usually around 150 to 200. And my final quote here, which is funny knowing that what Ken means now was everyone knows everyone.

[6:08] Jasmin Malave: Yeah.

[6:10] Will Champion: Next we've got how do they stay hidden in camouflage? We've already kind of answered that. They're like dug into the side there before the descent.

[6:17] Jasmin Malave: Okay, love that. I think I answered that a little bit in one of mine as well. Mine's a very stupid one.

[6:23] RJ Christian: Oh, yeah, we'll get to that.

[6:24] Jasmin Malave: I'm so excited. Number four, we've got what are their living quarters like and what do they lack?

[6:30] Will Champion: Oh, yes. So their living quarters are relatively sparse. I imagine them sort of like little, like a set of interconnected sort of rabbit burrows.

[6:37] Jasmin Malave: Oh, yeah. Super full of character, right? You're filling the rooms with trinkets and, you know, little valuables.

[6:46] Will Champion: And valuables for goblins could be like anything from wayward animal bones to like a loose stick of oddly shaped butter or something like that. But the one main thing these dens...

[6:55] Jasmin Malave: Hold on, hold on. No, no, no, this is perfect. Keep going.

[6:56] Will Champion: Oddly shaped butter?

[6:59] Jasmin Malave: You don't even know how well this works out with other questions that have been answered. I just want to know what oddly shaped butter is.

[7:06] Will Champion: You tell us the goblins.

[7:07] RJ Christian: Star shaped butter that's been refrigerated in a fancy restaurant.

[7:10] Will Champion: Oh, maybe it looks like the Virgin Mary.

[7:13] Jasmin Malave: That's incredible. And you don't even realize that later on I've asked R.J. already what is their staple food and what is a delicacy. And R.J. already answered buttered toast is the staple food.

[7:25] Will Champion: It's finished.

[7:26] Jasmin Malave: And raw onion is a delicacy. We locked in. Amazing. The main lacking from these dens, plumbing.

[7:33] Will Champion: Plumbing.

[7:34] Jasmin Malave: After the Dairy Whistle River incident.

[7:36] Will Champion: No!

[7:37] RJ Christian: The Dairy Whistle River?

[7:38] Jasmin Malave: The Ken is distrustful of running water.

[7:40] Will Champion: You said Dairy River?

[7:42] Jasmin Malave: The Dairy Whistle River incident.

[7:44] Will Champion: Dairy Whistle. It's my third favorite Guns N' Roses album.

[7:47] RJ Christian: Correct.

[7:48] Jasmin Malave: River. Yeah, they don't trust running water. They won't put it in the house.

[7:51] Will Champion: Oh, that makes sense.

[7:52] Jasmin Malave: Oh my gosh. Though I'd never want to drown again.

[7:55] RJ Christian: The generational trauma.

[7:57] Jasmin Malave: None of us have any legs.

[7:59] Will Champion: I was about to say, can we say right now Blanket the whole Ken has legs that one?

[8:05] RJ Christian: Just a lazy ass goblin.

[8:07] Will Champion: They cannot move.

[8:08] Jasmin Malave: You're right. You're built into a mountain. You don't climb. You just stay.

[8:12] Will Champion: We can't get down.

[8:13] Jasmin Malave: You can't get down. It's why we stay at the top. Nestled in up there. We don't need to go anywhere.

[8:18] RJ Christian: Oh, I love it. Like, I want them to be Sherpas, but they're Derpas.

[8:22] Jasmin Malave: Derpas.

[8:23] Will Champion: Yes.

[8:24] Jasmin Malave: Leave me up the mountain, please.

[8:29] Will Champion: Nope.

[8:30] RJ Christian: No.

[8:31] Jasmin Malave: That sounds great. What can't the Ken provide for itself and needs to get from the outside?

[8:40] Will Champion: Meat.

[8:41] Jasmin Malave: Meat. They can grow their own crops, but the only things that are huntable around are the things further down in the caverns or out on the more dangerous plains, so they gotta go outside for meat.

[8:53] Will Champion: Okay, I love it. And then your last one was, what is the goblin...

[8:56] RJ Christian: We're not running anything down. We know nobody's chasing anything yet. Since everyone has, canonically, has legs one.

[9:02] Jasmin Malave: It will come back. What do the goblins provide to the larger settlement? We can wreck on this if this doesn't fit, but what I have been spitballing here, we goblins, we are seen as slightly more mystical remnants of a bygone age. This is a world where magic is no longer as easily immediately accessible for the wider world as it once was. So this temple, the mining colony that's built this temple, often consults the goblin elders as oracles and fortune tellers to determine if the prospects in their pursuits are going to be successful. However, given that this is in no way our ken's wider skill set, the goblin elders frequently make up the prophecies on the spot, and it's served them well so far.

[9:44] Jasmin Malave: Oh my god, this has dropped right into my shit. It actually goes right into one of the other answers. We are mind-melting. I am so hyped right now. I want to say, I built my goblin as like an old, like, wise goblin, like, I don't know, motivational speaker. We're locked in. Perfect, perfect.

[10:03] Jasmin Malave: I said that there's a prophecy that made them settle here. Literally, the story writes itself. This is incredible. So then to briefly go over, so everyone who's listening, these are questions that are provided actually in the book as a way to quickly create the ken together so you have, like, shared understanding of where you are. It's such a great idea. It's like 20 questions, super quick and dirty.

[10:26] Will Champion: So the next one that I had already given to, I think these were yours, Murray, the ken's presence is felt in reference to local graffiti. Anything that they can find that's smudgeable, paintable, they put smiley faces with pointy ears all over the local architecture.

[10:42] RJ Christian: It's freaking people out.

[10:43] Jasmin Malave: They don't know where it's coming from, but like, you know, and they're all at like low level, right?

[10:47] Will Champion: Yeah, yeah.

[10:49] Jasmin Malave: The kids know.

[10:50] RJ Christian: Yeah, yeah, the kids know.

[10:53] Jasmin Malave: Warga, okay. The leader, which I rolled for, it's very fun, is Warga, friend of Westgate, so we can assume that the nearest gate is Westgate.

[11:00] Will Champion: Brilliant.

[11:01] Jasmin Malave: Warga can speak with animals and has created an informant network.

[11:05] RJ Christian: Dank.

[11:07] Jasmin Malave: Yeah. We don't need to climb.

[11:09] Will Champion: Yeah, that makes sense. We can't get meat.

[11:11] Jasmin Malave: And I like the idea of, like, of Warga having, like, made friends with the not-predatorial animals, right?

[11:17] RJ Christian: The mountain goats?

[11:19] Jasmin Malave: Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh, I love goats so much. Stupid little guys who climb on the walls.

[11:26] Will Champion: Okay, if, this is, the goblins all firmly have this tradition of standing quite still if they're in a moment of harm or worry, and they make little circle arms so that anyone who walks by mistakes them for trash cans and they throw useful bits of odds and ends into their arms as trash cans.

[11:48] Jasmin Malave: Yes. Natural camouflage is just, you become a wastebasket. And I would like to really just establish that this is truly, sincerely believed by the entire can, and I, the TP, am going to say that this is not true at all. People are just throwing trash at them.

[12:06] RJ Christian: Ooh, an orange!

[12:08] Jasmin Malave: And so that's just...

[12:09] Will Champion: Quick, go wastebasket mode.

[12:11] Jasmin Malave: And everyone freezes and everyone's like, they're doing it again, and they just, like, throw things at the goblins.

[12:17] RJ Christian: Feed me, Seymour!

[12:18] Jasmin Malave: Yeah, it's...

[12:19] Will Champion: Oh, I love it.

[12:20] Jasmin Malave: Amazing, and I love it. They chose this place because one of the fortune tellers had told whoever wanted to build the temple that they needed to look for golden arches and a redhead.

[12:34] Will Champion: I was, I was pointing at something.

[12:36] Jasmin Malave: Ronald.

[12:37] Will Champion: Yeah, absolutely.

[12:38] Jasmin Malave: Oh, I was thinking, I was thinking of the redheaded child. That was Wendy.

[12:42] Will Champion: Oh, I thought the golden arches...

[12:44] Jasmin Malave: Yeah, well, it was like, in my head when I was like, I was like, he had to find a place that was equidistant from a McDonald's and a Wendy's. It's a temple complex, you guys, it's a food court.

[12:53] Will Champion: Oh my god.

[12:54] RJ Christian: No!

[12:55] Jasmin Malave: The salt needed for the food court.

[12:57] Will Champion: Of course, that's where they're all the, it's like, they're all the food...

[13:01] Jasmin Malave: Oh man. Yep, it's a food court.

[13:03] Will Champion: Incredible.

[13:04] Jasmin Malave: The Westgate food court.

[13:06] Will Champion: The Westgate mall.

[13:07] Jasmin Malave: The only part of the Westgate mall that's doing anything anymore is the food court.

[13:11] Will Champion: Oh.

[13:12] Jasmin Malave: The Dairy Whistle River was just where the Dairy Queen flooded in.

[13:18] Will Champion: This is so good.

[13:20] RJ Christian: These questions make this so easy.

[13:22] Jasmin Malave: Hot eats cool treats.

[13:23] Will Champion: No good, man.

[13:25] Jasmin Malave: Okay, so the local animal control in the area thinks they're raccoons that have gained sentience and they're actively trying to control the population.

[13:30] Will Champion: So like, as you enter the now established food court, you can grab with your little grabby hands as much food as you want, but animal control might be nearby.

[13:42] RJ Christian: Damn it.

[13:44] Jasmin Malave: I love the idea that there's these two, in my head, it's these, like, two fucking idiots.

[13:50] Will Champion: Yeah, pick one.

[13:52] Jasmin Malave: Or like the two henchmen from Venture Brothers. Just these two, or the animal control dudes from Parks and Rec that are just like, oh man, those raccoons are back, man, we gotta get them.

[14:02] Will Champion: We're gonna save everybody.

[14:04] Jasmin Malave: Throw trash at me. I am a trash can.

[14:08] Will Champion: They're the only two guys that think they're trash cans.

[14:12] Jasmin Malave: Done. Sold. And the most popular goblin in the community, their name is Justin Beeblin.

[14:22] Will Champion: Fuck. He's dreamy.

[14:24] RJ Christian: He plays concerts at the food court, at the mall.

[14:26] Will Champion: Yeah, he does.

[14:28] RJ Christian: That's what I was thinking.

[14:30] Will Champion: Great. Justin Bieber.

[14:32] RJ Christian: It's just the goblin with this, like, the Bieber hair.

[14:36] Will Champion: The swoosh.

[14:38] RJ Christian: It's the goblin with the swoosh.

[14:40] Jasmin Malave: And then we're on the final leg of the question.

[14:42] RJ Christian: Of the questions.

[14:44] Jasmin Malave: So there's local wildlife nearby and the goblins really do try to interact with, heal the local wildlife.

[14:54] RJ Christian: If they're friends with them, as Warka can speak to them.

[14:56] Jasmin Malave: But they also just heal them kind of poorly.

[14:58] RJ Christian: They're not actually good at this.

[15:00] Jasmin Malave: You know, it's like a bird will come with a broken wing. It's like, oh, I put their french fry on it.

[15:04] RJ Christian: You will fly again.

[15:06] Jasmin Malave: What you must do.

[15:10] RJ Christian: French fry.

[15:12] Will Champion: Yep, correct. That's it.

[15:16] RJ Christian: They're just prescribing. The doctor's just got this huge rack of, like, sauce packets.

[15:20] Jasmin Malave: And he's just handing people out medicine.

[15:22] Will Champion: Oh, my gosh. This is a spicy injury.

[15:26] RJ Christian: So you get a hot packet from Taco Bell.

[15:28] Jasmin Malave: Icy hot.

[15:30] RJ Christian: You put sweet and spicy on it.

[15:32] Jasmin Malave: It does the same thing.

[15:34] Will Champion: Oh, man. I put chick-fil-a sauce.

[15:38] RJ Christian: It was good for our chickens.

[15:40] Jasmin Malave: You will fly again.

[15:42] RJ Christian: That's, like, early medicinal theory, right?

[15:44] Jasmin Malave: This is the humerus.

[15:46] RJ Christian: No, before the humerus, the thing was like, okay, bad smell. Fight with bad smell, right?

[15:50] Jasmin Malave: Bad smell's making you sick, so what we need to do is smear bad smell on you.

[15:52] Will Champion: That's so funny.

[15:54] RJ Christian: Yeah, sort of.

[15:56] Jasmin Malave: Yeah.

[15:58] RJ Christian: Okay.

[16:00] Jasmin Malave: The most valued possession in the Ken is a talking stick, essentially, that they think is a scepter, because it's quite large.

[16:08] RJ Christian: So there we go, the talking stick.

[16:10] Jasmin Malave: It's a real cool stick.

[16:12] RJ Christian: Yep, and that's going to be our focus for the game, which is a game mechanic I'll explain shortly.

[16:16] Jasmin Malave: And then we've got, oh, the only person who lives in the Ken is also Jim Beck, which I have decided is actually a halfling who's painted himself green.

[16:24] RJ Christian: Yes, I love him. I would die for him.

[16:26] Jasmin Malave: Yeah, so Jim Beck is like, I think he thinks he's getting away with it, and you can decide whether or not you believe it.

[16:32] RJ Christian: Great.

[16:34] Jasmin Malave: He looks a little... His head is not as big and bold as ours. His ears don't look right.

[16:40] RJ Christian: Like, y'all kind of know.

[16:42] Jasmin Malave: He doesn't know how to be a trash can correctly.

[16:44] RJ Christian: No, yeah, he doesn't do it.

[16:47] Will Champion: Like a dog would jump through?

[16:49] Jasmin Malave: Yeah, yeah.

[16:51] RJ Christian: So the Ken is approaching their one-year Keniversary. We can say that perhaps, like, the grand opening of the food court was more recently.

[16:59] Jasmin Malave: The Westgate mall re-grand reopening.

[17:01] RJ Christian: They put in a new movie theater on the other end, where the Sears used to be.

[17:05] Jasmin Malave: They've been revitalizing the neighborhood, so it's...

[17:11] RJ Christian: You have a Checkers.

[17:13] Jasmin Malave: Nice.

[17:15] RJ Christian: Nice.

[17:17] Jasmin Malave: And they just got a Rainforest Cafe, so we're ready to rock and roll.

[17:21] RJ Christian: Oh my god. Those animals don't look well.

[17:25] Jasmin Malave: They're trying to help the animatronic gorilla by squirting hot mustard all over it.

[17:29] RJ Christian: He still doesn't look right.

[17:31] Jasmin Malave: Get the honey mustard.

[17:33] RJ Christian: To the Ken, this jungle has just appeared.

[17:37] Jasmin Malave: Out of nowhere.

[17:39] RJ Christian: The animals are so sick.

[17:41] Jasmin Malave: Nature is healing.

[17:43] RJ Christian: Okay, we've already established buttered toast is a staple food. Raw onion is a delicacy.

[17:49] Jasmin Malave: Great. It's so hard to get the raw onions because they cook them so fast for all the cheeseburgers.

[17:57] RJ Christian: There's a weekly onion shipment to the burger place, and we've got to get them.

[18:03] Jasmin Malave: Oh my gosh. That could be the greatest haul on the Heist episode.

[18:09] RJ Christian: I also love that the whole mall is built on the western cliffs above Springfield.

[18:15] Jasmin Malave: It's got to be. Pick a Springfield.

[18:19] RJ Christian: And lastly, the final thing is what do they do for fun? It has been established that they like watching people bass jump.

[18:27] Jasmin Malave: Yes! Off the cliff!

[18:31] RJ Christian: Without you knowing!

[18:33] Jasmin Malave: It was so good!

[18:37] RJ Christian: You guys go over and watch them swirl suit off.

[18:40] Jasmin Malave: Do we?

[18:44] RJ Christian: You have to get back up somehow.

[18:46] Jasmin Malave: With my legs that don't work.

[18:48] RJ Christian: You would need to have passage to ride a donkey back up or something.

[18:52] Jasmin Malave: Unless we have a system where it's a long pulley with a wooden bucket at the bottom of the cliff.

[18:58] RJ Christian: I imagine they probably have something like that.

[19:00] Jasmin Malave: It doesn't catch your fall.

[19:02] RJ Christian: We'll just pull you up once you hit the ground.

[19:04] Jasmin Malave: And you guys have decent arm stats around. So yeah, that's fine.

[19:08] RJ Christian: I say yes. Bucket pulley!

[19:12] Jasmin Malave: That's our established situation.

[19:16] RJ Christian: I have a few things that I rolled for to create our little errand that we're going to run.

[19:20] Jasmin Malave: The last thing I want to do is go over a couple of the basic mechanics so that everyone kind of understands.

[19:28] RJ Christian: You've got on your sheet a stat that you assigned a 1, a 2, a 3, and a 4. Your strongest stat, based on the characters you picked, already gets a plus 1.

[19:36] Jasmin Malave: This lovely mechanic of the frame and heart stats. Frame is always 0. You cannot accomplish feats of strength. You just auto-fail. You roll no dice. You cannot succeed.

[19:50] RJ Christian: Goddamn door of this onion truck won't open.

[19:52] Jasmin Malave: It's the cutest freaking thing.

[19:54] RJ Christian: And then my favorite part about this game is the heart stat.

[19:58] Jasmin Malave: So if your heart stat is infinity, you have infinity successes. So if you can find a heartfelt, adorable way to solve something, you will always get it.

[20:07] RJ Christian: Amazing. Glorious.

[20:11] Jasmin Malave: Whenever you need to roll for something else, I'll ask you to roll for it. You're going to roll as many of the dice as you have in the number of that box. And when you roll, you're looking for a 5 or a 6. Those are successes.

[20:25] RJ Christian: A single success means that you sort of get it done. Two successes is just kind of a flat success. And then anything more than that, more and more profound, you might get something extra.

[20:37] Jasmin Malave: If you are super unsuccessful, we can either work together or you can decide how spectacularly unsuccessful you were and describe it.

[20:45] RJ Christian: And the other thing is that if you have zero successes, and this is something that feels really important, you can upgrade a 4 to a success, but it comes with complications.

[20:55] Jasmin Malave: For example, you decided to, I think it's the example they use in the book, you wanted to get some honey. You're going to upgrade the 4 to a success. You've reached into the beehive, you've ripped out a comb of honey, and you've got it, but your hand is completely stung and now your hand stat is going to be minus 1 for a while.

[21:13] RJ Christian: Or we've progressed the time for a while. Or there was a bunch of rain. Whatever you want, you can have say in how you messed up your own life because you wanted to upgrade your success.

[21:21] Jasmin Malave: That's one of my favorite things about this is you get to choose that kind of thing.

[21:27] RJ Christian: The last thing that you need to know is this fun little focus that we have, our spoon in the middle, our talking stick.

[21:33] Jasmin Malave: So this talking stick is going to be in the middle and if you do something silly, which I imagine is going to happen quite often, I'll pass it to whoever did the most recent silly thing that made us all laugh.

[21:45] RJ Christian: Whoever has it can spend it on something special. There's a few things that you have options for where you have to spend the focus to use.

[21:53] Jasmin Malave: So keep an eye on what you can spend the focus on. I will say, having played this game a bunch and knowing you fucking goobers, spend the focus as fast as you can because the focus will move.

[22:06] RJ Christian: And when the focus moves, you have 30 seconds to spend it on its way to its new owner.

[22:12] Jasmin Malave: Amazing, amazing. And I have a mechanic here that I will slap on the table for funsies when you have your 30 seconds to go.

[22:18] RJ Christian: So that's going to be what happens here, but you will have 30 seconds and if you can't come up with some way to spend it, it's moved on.

[22:26] Jasmin Malave: The other last little thing is you can spend the focus without having it if you want to overextend yourself. In which case, I'm going to be rolling something secretly and you won't get to know if it's a success or a failure until you've already tried to do it.

[22:40] RJ Christian: So I think that's basically it. There's also a few little things that are available for contested rolls. If that comes up, you're going to be rolling against each other.

[22:46] Jasmin Malave: And there's also stuff where you have to work together, in which case the whole group is rolling together and your success and failure works together.

[22:54] RJ Christian: But the one fun thing about working together on any one object is say you roll three sixes, if you want to pass one of the sixes because Will didn't get any, you can pass your successes around and share them.

[23:06] Jasmin Malave: So you can even it out, but everyone has to be successful. Otherwise, it doesn't work.

[23:10] RJ Christian: Okay, that is it. We are here at the sprawling temple complex and food court Westgate.

[23:16] Jasmin Malave: Doesn't get any better than this. Now under new management.

[23:24] RJ Christian: And over on the outskirts of our lovely establishment and complex, there is a little system of burrows that you can kind of see. You see little dugout, almost like overly large anthill mounds that occasionally little green heads pop in and out of, like prairie dogs.

[23:44] Jasmin Malave: And if you were to go inside there and navigate some of these underground caverns, you might find in some of the big openings a beautiful hall for celebrations. You've got different cool little housings that are sparse, but like very warm and cozy.

[24:02] RJ Christian: And deep inside is the leader of the Ken, Worga, who has a very important mission that they need to accomplish. And so they've gotten one of the best speakers of the community to come and gather together some very important people to make sure that we can fix what's going on here in the community.

[24:24] Jasmin Malave: So Worga has come over and found you. Would you like to describe your character?

[24:28] Will Champion: Yes. My character's name is Smerick. And Smerick is old as dirt. He is, like he doesn't look dissimilar to Yoda. But, you know, he will give you some advice that may not make sense to your head, but it'll make sense to your heart. You know, he's like, he is your grandpa. And everyone's grandpa.

[24:54] Jasmin Malave: Okay, so we've got Smerick, and Worga says, Smerick?

[24:58] Will Champion: Smerick, we have a problem.

[25:02] Jasmin Malave: Oh, well, life is but a problem.

[25:04] Will Champion: This is true, but I don't have time for your riddles.

[25:08] Jasmin Malave: Oh, what do you have time for? I don't have time for anything because we are out of affordable housing.

[25:14] Will Champion: What?

[25:16] Jasmin Malave: The Ken needs more housing. We are run out of space in the community down here. We either have to dig out or we need to get more furniture.

[25:24] Will Champion: But we live in a hole. A hole is a lack of dirt.

[25:26] Jasmin Malave: How do we run out of a lack of dirt? Poor planning.

[25:32] Will Champion: Hmm. Makes sense to me.

[25:34] Jasmin Malave: So, we need to create more housing and more places to sleep because we've run out of places to lay one's head, which is important. Yes, our heads are quite large in comparison to our bodies.

[25:48] Will Champion: So are our ears.

[25:50] Jasmin Malave: Yeah. We need extra large pillows.

[25:52] Will Champion: Yes, and extra short beds.

[25:56] Jasmin Malave: Almost square-shaped even.

[25:58] Will Champion: This sounds like a custom job.

[26:00] Jasmin Malave: Custom? Custom is expensive. I like custom, especially when it comes on a pie.

[26:06] Will Champion: Ooh, wait, what?

[26:08] Jasmin Malave: Is that? Your riddles elude me again, Smarrix.

[26:12] Will Champion: They elude everyone, but they'll come back like a boomerang.

[26:16] Jasmin Malave: Okay. Well, I want you to come back like a boomerang with more people to help us.

[26:22] Will Champion: Ooh, you took my riddle and brought it back like a third boomerang.

[26:26] Jasmin Malave: Yes, I should. Where did the second boomerang go? It'll come back.

[26:30] Will Champion: Wait, what? Like the first boomerang.

[26:32] Jasmin Malave: Okay, she sends you off.

[26:34] Will Champion: Oh, boy. Get out of here.

[26:36] Jasmin Malave: Get out of here.

[26:38] Will Champion: Oh, boy. That's the smart one, eh?

[26:42] Jasmin Malave: That's the brains of the operation.

[26:44] RJ Christian: And this is the game, folks.

[26:46] Jasmin Malave: Okay, don't worry. So who do you think that you've gone to collect first to help?

[26:50] Will Champion: You know, I got a... whoever the Edie guy is.

[26:56] Jasmin Malave: Perfect. So you've gone to the mess hall, and you found Will's character. Would you like to describe your character?

[27:02] RJ Christian: I'm Nash. Nash is squat with large, beastly arms that he walks on like a gorilla because his legs don't work today. His skin's a leathery green color, color of dark forest, you know. Pine needles and such. He's got an oval-shaped head that's just mostly mouth and teeth that crooks all the way up in a crescent moon shape. Beady little black eyes. Small little curved horns that grow green when he does his mouth stuff.

[27:38] Will Champion: I said what I said. My two little horns, they twinkle little green like the rest of me.

[27:44] RJ Christian: He's cute.

[27:46] Will Champion: I love him.

[27:48] RJ Christian: That should get tattooed on my sternum.

[27:50] Will Champion: Cute, but also a little weird.

[27:52] Jasmin Malave: Perfect. Do you want to describe anything to Nash, or do you just say that you've relayed the information?

[27:58] Will Champion: How's your budget, Nash? How's your budget toast?

[28:02] RJ Christian: I'm getting through the second servings.

[28:04] Will Champion: The second one's always better than the first, especially when they cook it dark. Helps prep for the third course, you know.

[28:10] RJ Christian: The third course of budget toast.

[28:16] Will Champion: Unless you have something tastier, something new.

[28:18] RJ Christian: I have the tastiest thing, the taste of labour. We've been tasked with a very, very great mission. As you see, we're running out of space to dig our holes and sleep in.

[28:30] RJ Christian: I haven't been paying too much attention to none of that. I mostly stay at the bloody table, don't I?

[28:34] Will Champion: This fucking Michael Caine ass goblin.

[28:40] RJ Christian: Yes, yes, yes, and you work that table, baby. You eat. You eat.

[28:46] Will Champion: Sometimes you need to sleep. You need to sleep.

[28:49] RJ Christian: True enough. Nothing tastes as good as unpaid labour.

[28:53] Will Champion: No, no. What's the job? Where are we going?

[28:56] Jasmin Malave: Well, we must find some way to make more affordable housing in this mountainside in Knowles.

[29:02] RJ Christian: Any ideas? Any thoughts? Where are we going to scrounge up some housing?

[29:07] Will Champion: Well, there's a food court.

[29:12] RJ Christian: What did you just say to me?

[29:13] Will Champion: I said there's a food court.

[29:15] Jasmin Malave: Are we going to the food court?

[29:17] Will Champion: Perhaps.

[29:19] RJ Christian: Oh my god. And you've already run out. You've like, led the charge.

[29:23] Jasmin Malave: Off you go.

[29:24] Will Champion: Slow down. My legs are bad.

[29:26] Jasmin Malave: Let's go.

[29:27] Jasmin Malave: And on the way out, you run into another friend in the community.

[29:31] RJ Christian: Actually, like, shoulder check him a little bit, if you want to describe.

[29:36] Will Champion: Yeah, hello. I'm Blub.

[29:39] RJ Christian: Blub is actually really easy to run into because Blub has fashioned himself.

[29:45] Will Champion: He is a wiz-wart.

[29:46] RJ Christian: And so he has decided that he is an intellectual goblin.

[29:50] Will Champion: And he has managed to read enough that he has learned some very basic magics.

[29:56] RJ Christian: And so he's appointed himself as much as he can, like a very classic wizard.

[30:01] Will Champion: He's got, like, he's found, like, an old, like, literally, like, trash from, like, a Halloween store.

[30:07] RJ Christian: Surely there was a spirit of Halloween in here at some point.

[30:10] Will Champion: Yeah, absolutely.

[30:11] RJ Christian: He's found, like, a really, a huge, like, real classic-ass wizard hat.

[30:16] Will Champion: But it comes, it hits him in the bridge of the nose.

[30:20] RJ Christian: So all you can see is his, like, mouth under this huge hat.

[30:24] Will Champion: And then he's got, like, a robe as well that he's stolen, I would say, probably from, like, a, like, it's like a bathrobe.

[30:32] RJ Christian: It's just a huge terrycloth robe that he has, like, drawn stars all over and moon shapes and stuff with, like, with.

[30:40] Will Champion: Oh, he's, like, Fantasia Vicky.

[30:42] RJ Christian: Yeah, yeah.

[30:43] Will Champion: Aw, his DIYs.

[30:44] RJ Christian: Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.

[30:46] Will Champion: And then he's got, like, he's got a belt on him that he's fashioned out of just, it's just a string that he just, like, ties all of his magical focuses and trinkets to.

[30:55] RJ Christian: So it's just covered in, like, trash that he gets out of the mall parking lot.

[30:59] Will Champion: It's, like, barrettes and, like, silly bands.

[31:03] RJ Christian: This is a timeless mall.

[31:05] Will Champion: It exists in all generations.

[31:07] RJ Christian: He's got a pog.

[31:08] Will Champion: Yeah, I was gonna say pog.

[31:10] RJ Christian: I was literally gonna say pog.

[31:12] Will Champion: And he's got some fuzzy dice where he goes all the way back.

[31:15] RJ Christian: Yeah, absolutely.

[31:16] Will Champion: Yeah, in the infinite mall parking lot outside.

[31:19] RJ Christian: But yeah, Blub, Blub's also always carrying around his favorite book.

[31:25] Will Champion: No, no, no.

[31:26] RJ Christian: Uh-oh.

[31:27] Will Champion: I'm afraid.

[31:28] RJ Christian: It's Fifty Shades of Grey.

[31:30] Will Champion: No!

[31:31] RJ Christian: Why?

[31:32] Will Champion: Because, because, I'll tell you why, Will Champion.

[31:35] RJ Christian: Please.

[31:36] Will Champion: Because I, our Alex Murray, have never read it.

[31:38] RJ Christian: Nor do I, nor do I really know what's going on.

[31:41] Will Champion: Has Blub read it?

[31:42] RJ Christian: And Blub doesn't either.

[31:43] Will Champion: He's read it, but he doesn't understand because, like, because he doesn't understand, like, this is so far beyond him.

[31:49] RJ Christian: So he thinks all of it is magical rituals.

[31:51] Will Champion: Great.

[31:52] RJ Christian: He thinks that bondage is, like, how you, like.

[31:55] Will Champion: The sacred red room.

[31:56] RJ Christian: He's casting a spell.

[31:57] Will Champion: It's the sacred red room.

[31:58] RJ Christian: Yeah, yeah.

[31:59] Will Champion: He thinks that this great wizard, Christian Grey, is, like, yeah, is casting spells in his magical room.

[32:05] RJ Christian: If you were to go to his quarters, he's the only one who's put tapestries on the wall, which is, like, just, like, bed sheets that he's stolen from the Bed Bath & Beyond.

[32:12] Will Champion: Everything red.

[32:13] RJ Christian: It's just all this red.

[32:14] Will Champion: That he can find.

[32:15] RJ Christian: Yeah, so there's also, like, there's, like, Pizza Hut boxes and stuff, too.

[32:18] Will Champion: Perfect, perfect.

[32:19] RJ Christian: And, like, anything red all over the place, yeah.

[32:22] Will Champion: Okay, love that.

[32:24] Jasmin Malave: So now with your motley crew assembled and with your plan completely in place, you are going to head into the mall looking for a way to create more space, more shelter, and find more bedding for your community.

[32:39] Will Champion: Okay.

[32:40] RJ Christian: All right. Well, what are we doing?

[32:43] Will Champion: You guys didn't fill me out on the plan.

[32:45] RJ Christian: You just got to hit it.

[32:46] Will Champion: Oh, gosh, right. Okay.

[32:47] Jasmin Malave: Yes.

[32:49] Will Champion: Oh, that sounds like a great plan.

[32:50] RJ Christian: Thanks for filling me out on what we needed to do.

[32:52] Will Champion: We told you all about it.

[32:53] RJ Christian: I'm excited, man.

[32:54] Will Champion: Yeah, I think they'll be really proud of us.

[32:56] RJ Christian: Man, where do we even start, though?

[32:58] Will Champion: We need room, right?

[32:59] RJ Christian: We need to scout some sort of location where we can dig new tunnels.

[33:03] Will Champion: Yeah, well, my thought is that we live in holes, and what is a box but a hole you can move?

[33:10] RJ Christian: So what if we found a container of sorts?

[33:13] Will Champion: Oh, you wish to build.

[33:15] RJ Christian: Oh, you're so wise, Merrick.

[33:18] Will Champion: Instead of building down, what if we build up?

[33:21] RJ Christian: Yes.

[33:22] Will Champion: It is time for goblins to ascend.

[33:25] RJ Christian: We will rise higher and higher.

[33:27] Will Champion: There is a place in Westgate I have seen on my journeys.

[33:31] RJ Christian: The Dairy Queen?

[33:32] Will Champion: No!

[33:33] RJ Christian: No!

[33:34] Will Champion: Who doesn't think of the Dairy Queen?

[33:35] RJ Christian: Oh, God.

[33:36] Will Champion: Oh, the horror.

[33:37] RJ Christian: How dare you?

[33:38] Will Champion: I was dipped in chocolate all the way up to my little goblin nips.

[33:41] RJ Christian: Yes, yes, I remember tasting it.

[33:43] Will Champion: Delicious.

[33:44] RJ Christian: I speak of something that serves our purposes, a store filled with containers.

[33:51] Will Champion: A container store.

[33:53] RJ Christian: Yes, indeed.

[33:54] Will Champion: Oh, my gosh.

[33:55] RJ Christian: They have the strongest of all boxes.

[33:57] Will Champion: They're nigh unbreakable.

[33:59] RJ Christian: I've pounded and pounded in one.

[34:01] Will Champion: It is also the same material that they deliver the sacred onions in.

[34:06] RJ Christian: Nigh indestructible.

[34:08] Will Champion: It's so hard to get it.

[34:10] RJ Christian: Surely we could ascend into the heavens if we had many of those.

[34:13] Will Champion: What must sacred plastic taste like?

[34:18] RJ Christian: Probably similar to the onion, one would think.

[34:21] Will Champion: They're both of divine material.

[34:23] RJ Christian: At least those onion filled ones.

[34:25] Will Champion: Because, man, once you get that stick on you, it don't come off, maybe.

[34:29] RJ Christian: Oh, it's a good, good week.

[34:31] Will Champion: But microplastics aren't enough. We need macroplastics.

[34:34] RJ Christian: Let us go.

[34:35] Will Champion: Let us journey forth.

[34:37] RJ Christian: Microplastics.

[34:38] Will Champion: But it's a treacherous journey. It's all the way on the other side of Westgate.

[34:42] RJ Christian: They've passed so many trials and travails.

[34:45] Will Champion: The three of us, can we make it?

[34:47] RJ Christian: With our tiny legs.

[34:48] Will Champion: Our tiny legs.

[34:49] RJ Christian: We must.

[34:50] Will Champion: The community is set up closer to the food court side of Westgate Mall and Salt Temple Complex.

[34:59] RJ Christian: I do love that.

[35:01] Will Champion: That would have to track that there is like a huge, one of those stores that just fucking sells rain sticks.

[35:07] RJ Christian: And like CD, they still sell CDs.

[35:11] Will Champion: And they're of like, you know, tribal chants and stuff.

[35:14] RJ Christian: A gift shop to the rainforest.

[35:16] Will Champion: They still have a sharper image.

[35:19] RJ Christian: Yeah, it's cool.

[35:21] Will Champion: A timeless mole.

[35:27] Jasmin Malave: So, with your rain sticks in hand, you make your way towards the food court side of the mall.

[35:34] Jasmin Malave: Now, as you go through, I know that obviously Nash and Blub are going to have no problem continuing on their path.

[35:41] Jasmin Malave: But you might have, oh no, sorry, Blub and Shmarick are going to have an easy time.

[35:45] Jasmin Malave: But Nash might have some trouble.

[35:47] Jasmin Malave: So, as you enter in through the food court, you're hit with the smells of fried foods, breads.

[35:55] RJ Christian: I beseech you, brethren, we must stop and sample the salacious selections.

[36:00] Will Champion: Look, there's one of the tall people just giving away little morsels.

[36:04] RJ Christian: He's got a whole plate full of them.

[36:06] Will Champion: There is somebody giving out samples currently.

[36:08] RJ Christian: It's little pieces of orange chicken.

[36:10] Will Champion: I'm going to attempt, may I?

[36:12] RJ Christian: He works at the Express of the Panda.

[36:14] Will Champion: I would like to attempt to assume the tactical trash can position, so as to not be seen.

[36:21] RJ Christian: While I unhinge the mouth like a box and attempt to, from a distance, vacuum all of the orange chicken.

[36:32] Will Champion: Just across the way.

[36:33] RJ Christian: Yep, absolutely. So, I need you to roll for mouth.

[36:36] Will Champion: Okay, my mouth score is a tasteful five.

[36:39] RJ Christian: It would be.

[36:40] Will Champion: Just...

[36:45] RJ Christian: And that's a six and a five.

[36:47] Jasmin Malave: Okay, perfect. Okay, so those are two successes.

[36:50] RJ Christian: So, you are successful, just flat success.

[36:54] Will Champion: Is there like, you're just putting them straight in your mouth, or are you trying to catch the plate?

[36:58] RJ Christian: Oh, I hadn't thought about that.

[37:00] Will Champion: Look out for the plate, young man.

[37:03] RJ Christian: Yeah, I can store the plate for later, we might need it.

[37:05] Will Champion: Yeah, what if we need it, yeah.

[37:07] RJ Christian: My idea is, I would like to at least taste one of the orange chicken samples, but then store everything in my conveniently football-shaped head.

[37:13] Will Champion: Oh, perfect, like a little chipmunk, you've got little chipmunk cheeks.

[37:16] RJ Christian: They've gotta all have toothpicks in them too, right?

[37:19] Will Champion: Sure.

[37:27] RJ Christian: This man definitely ate a cheese.

[37:29] Jasmin Malave: So, as you suck up all of these little morsels of orange chicken, your cheeks puff up, and you can see from the inside, what appears to be little pieces poking, your cheeks have little pokey bits, and I don't know if it bothers you.

[37:44] Will Champion: Look at my new adornments.

[37:46] RJ Christian: You are positively spiky.

[37:49] Will Champion: Thank you, I try, I try. Would you like to try one as well?

[37:54] RJ Christian: Oh, yes, absolutely, please, they look delicious.

[37:56] Will Champion: Please, be citrusy and delightful.

[37:58] RJ Christian: I'd taste one.

[38:00] Will Champion: And what do you think?

[38:02] RJ Christian: I have never tasted anything so delicious in my entire life.

[38:07] Will Champion: I don't think, I must know, and I think because I've been working so, I work a lot with our local apothecary, I think one of the things that Blub does is he goes and finds new medicines, and I don't believe I've ever tasted a sauce quite this, like, tangy and citrusy, so I must get more.

[38:27] RJ Christian: I think Blub immediately is like, starts looking around, looking around into the, like, expressive panda beneath the mark of the bear to see if I see a whole bunch of, like, a container of sauce or a vat of sauce.

[38:42] Jasmin Malave: So if you're looking specifically there, I'm going to have you roll for eyes, but I'm going to also have everyone else roll for eyes.

[38:47] Will Champion: Okay, so I've got a four, but I get plus one to eyes.

[38:50] RJ Christian: Okay, perfect.

[38:51] Will Champion: So I've got five dice here.

[38:53] RJ Christian: No dice on the eyes.

[38:54] Will Champion: That's three sixes, baby.

[38:55] RJ Christian: Three sixes.

[38:57] Will Champion: That looks like a six from Smerick.

[38:59] RJ Christian: I fell on a four, so I have a six and a four.

[39:02] Jasmin Malave: So you notice this a little late because you were too busy savoring the chicken.

[39:07] Will Champion: Is that a Sbarro?

[39:09] RJ Christian: You can see exactly behind the counter precisely where the sauce is stored.

[39:14] Will Champion: Okay.

[39:15] RJ Christian: And what you notice, Smerick, is that the person who was holding the tray of samples has left, is looking directly at your party, and has gone over in the direction of the mall cop.

[39:29] Will Champion: Oh, no.

[39:31] RJ Christian: I'm gone.

[39:32] Will Champion: I'm headed into, like, the camera just sees, like, the back of, like, a dingy bathrobe disappearing around the corner of the counter.

[39:44] RJ Christian: It matches in euphoric MSG-filled bliss, so I don't see shit.

[39:47] Will Champion: Yeah.

[39:48] RJ Christian: I'm lost.

[39:49] Will Champion: Oh, gosh.

[39:50] RJ Christian: Literally lost in the sauce.

[39:51] Will Champion: Yeah.

[39:52] RJ Christian: Assume the trash can position.

[39:53] Will Champion: No, we've been compromised.

[39:56] RJ Christian: But the citrusy, meaty goodness.

[40:00] Will Champion: It cannot be escaped.

[40:03] RJ Christian: An elven couple walk by and just look at you both and, like, tut and then continue on their way.

[40:09] Will Champion: What, have you never seen a happy garb and can before?

[40:12] RJ Christian: They don't know what bliss is, Smerick.

[40:15] Will Champion: No, no, this tastes similar to buttered toast with a hint of onion.

[40:20] RJ Christian: If we could get this chicken flavored butter, I think our society would be much improved.

[40:28] Jasmin Malave: As you're having this conversation, the mall cop is already making his way towards you.

[40:32] Will Champion: We gotta go!

[40:34] RJ Christian: We gotta go!

[40:35] Will Champion: Is there an actual trash can to hide in?

[40:38] RJ Christian: Oh, eyes.

[40:39] Will Champion: Roll eyes again.

[40:43] RJ Christian: Five.

[40:46] Will Champion: Well, I can haphazardly see something.

[40:49] Jasmin Malave: So, um, you do see a trash can, but you're only partially successful or successful with great effort. So...

[40:56] RJ Christian: You get caught in the...

[41:00] Jasmin Malave: In the flap.

[41:01] RJ Christian: So you head first, ass out.

[41:03] Jasmin Malave: Yeah, sticking out.

[41:05] Will Champion: I'll happily yeet Smerick into the trash first.

[41:10] RJ Christian: Dive in after him.

[41:12] Jasmin Malave: But there's actually not enough space in there for the two of you, so your ass is sticking out.

[41:17] Will Champion: Perfect, little spindly legs sticking through the flap.

[41:19] RJ Christian: Terrible legs.

[41:20] Will Champion: Get in!

[41:21] RJ Christian: Stay quiet, Smerick.

[41:22] Jasmin Malave: I'm gonna pass this, because I keep forgetting to pass it.

[41:24] Will Champion: Thank you.

[41:25] RJ Christian: I was like, I need this fucking spoon to do any of my shit.

[41:28] Jasmin Malave: I keep forgetting to pass it around, so I'm gonna start now.

[41:30] Will Champion: Perfect.

[41:31] Jasmin Malave: Okay, so as you're doing that, you believe that you are very hidden, because you can't see him, so clearly he can't see you. That's the way it works.

[41:39] RJ Christian: And as you're in there, and you're over trying to get your sauce, he's gonna come over and grab you by the leg, but as this kind of put a pin in that one, we're gonna go over, what are you doing?

[41:50] Will Champion: Okay, so I think what I am doing is I am, Blub is just singlet, like, all you can see is just this, like, bubbling.

[41:56] RJ Christian: You tell me, is it a bunch of packets that I saw, or is it, like, a vat?

[42:05] Will Champion: Oh, I like the idea of a vat.

[42:07] RJ Christian: There's a giant sauce vat.

[42:09] Will Champion: A huge sauce vat.

[42:10] RJ Christian: Which is a container as well.

[42:12] Will Champion: Absolutely.

[42:13] RJ Christian: I think I'm gonna try and liberate the whole thing.

[42:16] Will Champion: Right?

[42:17] RJ Christian: It's on, like, a double boiler, right? You know, like, it's like a buffet thing, right?

[42:21] Will Champion: So it's just, it's just open.

[42:23] RJ Christian: I think the first thing that I do is I go up, and I just, like, just dip a whole goblin-y hand right into it.

[42:28] Will Champion: Right into the sauce.

[42:30] RJ Christian: Into the vat?

[42:31] Will Champion: Yeah, and then just taste it, to make sure it's the same stuff.

[42:34] RJ Christian: Does that mean you've claimed it as your own now?

[42:35] Will Champion: Is that not?

[42:36] RJ Christian: I thought I read in the goblins' survival rules.

[42:38] Will Champion: We're goblins. We share everything.

[42:40] RJ Christian: Yeah.

[42:41] Will Champion: I'm claiming it as ours.

[42:42] RJ Christian: Yeah, that's exactly it.

[42:44] Jasmin Malave: Roll hands.

[42:45] RJ Christian: Okay, so roll hands.

[42:46] Will Champion: Hands, I have a two.

[42:47] RJ Christian: Oh, boy.

[42:48] Will Champion: He just took a hand in a double boiler.

[42:49] RJ Christian: Come on.

[42:50] Will Champion: Let's see those train cars.

[42:51] RJ Christian: That's a five and a three.

[42:52] Will Champion: No!

[42:53] RJ Christian: Oh!

[42:54] Will Champion: So you do get a real good, like, taste of it, but this is a boiling vat of sauce.

[42:59] RJ Christian: And it's quite sugary.

[43:00] Will Champion: The ocean needs to come in here, you guys.

[43:02] RJ Christian: You have turned your shit up.

[43:04] Will Champion: You have burnt your fingy.

[43:06] RJ Christian: Okay.

[43:07] Will Champion: Oh, god.

[43:08] RJ Christian: Oh, no.

[43:09] Will Champion: The only way to fix it is with more medicine.

[43:14] Jasmin Malave: Back in it! And also I would like to note that like perhaps you didn't notice it was boiling because this thing is placed on the ground. It's quite a large vat, cauldron-y thing. And your little goblin hand, like you can't see into it. You're just dipping your hands over and around. So I just like reached up and over and grabbed some, okay. And you're like, ah, hot, hot, hot, hot. Alright, hot, hot, hot, hot. So I start looking around for some sort of like ladle or something to use and then a container. So I'll have you roll for eyes to look for something and then we'll move back over to the other guys. I got all the eyes in the world. Perfect. Except shit, there's a five though. Okay, so five is good.

So it's still going to have a complication anyway. So you do see a ladle and you start to try to scramble onto a counter to try to like get this ladle. But the person who's working has noticed you because you're being loud as fuck. Yeah. Okay, great. So now you're going to have to deal with this person over here. And now back over to our mall cop. So you just grabbed my leg, right? Yep.

[44:08] Will Champion: So I would like to spend my focus to use my nibbler ability gobble up, which means I have to eat something and change part of my body to match shifting a stat point and gaining a new ability at the cost of another ability. My thought is, I'm going to spend this focus to eat one of the stored little chicken pieces to turn my scrawny legs into little chicken legs. So I can rapid fire kick.

[44:39] Jasmin Malave: May I offer an additional suggestion? If you would like to eat the not only the chicken piece, but some of the chopsticks, I will give you creepy little talons as well.

[44:50] Will Champion: The morsels and the chopsticks. Okay.

[44:55] Jasmin Malave: Okay, so I'm not sure how the mechanics of this thing. It's like a, like a gain an ability at the cost of another ability. But I'm gonna let you tell me what that. Oh, yeah. So your leg stat is going to become a two for a little while. But you have to take that extra point from somewhere, but it's your choice. Okay. And it's just temporary until you revert back. Amazing. I'm going to say that some of the muscle musculature from Nash's arms reduces a little bit to fill out these legs. Perfect. So it's going to be a little too. Yeah, perfect. So temporarily, that's that. So he's grabbed your leg. And I'm gonna say too, because you now have these like creepy talons as well, that even though it's technically a two, I'll let you roll three dice to like, scratch them.

[45:38] Will Champion: Perfect. Hold on to me, Sparrick. I've got you. Magic's afoot. Chicken legs emerge.

[45:51] Jasmin Malave: So you kind of just like, if anyone were watching, you're holding your friend and being very valiant. But from the outside perspective of the can, your little legs are just bicycling. You're just bicycling your little chicken feet, these new little feet. Take that interloper! Yeah, faster, there's faster! Kick for our liberty!

[46:15] RJ Christian: Kick, man, kick! I'm gonna say that he's so startled, like you weren't, you haven't hurt him, because you didn't roll enough sixes. It worked, and he's like, ah! And you've knocked over the can, and now you guys are rolling away.

[46:28] Will Champion: In the can? Yeah. Done. Heading towards the expressive panda. I think if you look over to your left, you'll see me, you'll see Blub, who has clocked this poor worker who's coming over to get the goblin out of the sauce. And I think, yeah, we're good? So what I'm gonna do, what he's gonna do is, I'm going to use one of my advanced feats. I'm going to grab a straw, right? That's gotta be within a straw.

[47:00] Jasmin Malave: Absolutely.

[47:01] Will Champion: And I'm gonna just bite the end off of it, and then you know when you like just blow the wrapper off of the straw? I'm gonna blow it, but as I blow it, I'm gonna think back to, to, I'm gonna smack it real good, like Christian Greywood, to make it what he wants. Oh no! And uh, and I'm gonna, I just got a spoon for that, and uh, I'm gonna animate the uh, the straw wrapper to turn into a little bird, and like flap around, and like uh, uh, fly around their head. And just bother him, okay.

[47:29] Jasmin Malave: Yeah, and bother them. Yeah, I'm totally down for that. Yeah. Um, what, which, which feat are you using, and like, does it just automatically work?

[47:36] Will Champion: I'm using thing, thing magic. So it just says it, it happens. I can briefly animate a small object that I touch.

[47:41] Jasmin Malave: Okay, great. I will say that for a minute, you're able to have this weird little creepy bird straw float over, and like, it's, it's a straw wrapper, so it's like, not like a good, you know like a kid who draws like a little thing, it's just two little lines, and it's just like, flying over. It looks like a fucking seagull in every three-year-old's drawing. This is like something out of Coraline. Moving in slow motion a little bit. Yeah, I think, I think, and it's like, he like, just like dives backwards, just like Tom Cruise in the air, like bites it, and then, and smacks it, yeah, and then on its way, just gives a little, right on the ass.

[48:15] Will Champion: The little birdie as it's flying away, you can hear it saying, yes daddy.

[48:21] Jasmin Malave: And then, I would, I would like to, on my way out, see if I can grab some sort of container, and scoop up some of the sauce.

[48:26] RJ Christian: Okay, um, so as you guys are rolling over, I don't know if you want to be assisting inside the trash can as well, you can think about how you want to be, anything you want to do in there, or if you want to be messing with the mall cop as well, and then you can roll for, I'll have you do hands again.

[48:35] Will Champion: Okay. Yeah. Where are we going? Okay. Actually, I'll let you do hands or eyes. Let's see if you found the container.

[48:49] RJ Christian: Oh, eyes? Okay, I'll roll for eyes for sure. That's all day. There's two sixes. Perfect, so that is just successful. You find what you needed to, you also already know that it's boiling, so you're much more careful. You find a nice little lid, you have one of those little, um, pint containers that you found, which you fill most of the way.

[49:02] Will Champion: A whole fucking pint of this sauce? Amazing. Yeah, you've almost filled it the whole way. I've got it. As you dip it, it's probably three-fourths filled, and you put a little topper on. Sweet, put a little lid on it, and I just dash back out. And you gotta hold on to your little, like, yeah, now you've got it. I'm just running, he's just holding it out in front of him, you know, like. Yep, yep. Like, all you can see is, just looks like demented dopey, who's just excited to show you guys, like, guys, look what I got, I can heal us forever! Get in the bin! We're on the move!

[49:31] RJ Christian: Oh, no, like, so, I'm gonna just run and jump, and.

[49:37] Will Champion: You're just gonna, like, dive into it? Get in there! I am visualizing that the bin fell over, right? Yeah. And we're rolling.

[49:41] Jasmin Malave: You're rolling. Oh, we're hamstringing. That's incredible. It's going. Oh, god. Okay, I'm gonna try to dive in. Okay, you have to roll for legs. Shit. Okay, this is, uh. Eric, catch him! Catch him! Catch him! I've got you! Okay, I'm gonna explain, I'm gonna, you know what? I'm gonna burn the focus, and I'm gonna use harebrained schemes, which means I get to spend the focus and explain my plan. And if it sounds plausible, I can roll with a plus two dice.

[50:01] Will Champion: Okay. So, uh, what I'm actually gonna do is, uh, I am going to, uh, grab a, uh, a tray from off of a table. Okay. And I'm gonna try to Marty, Marty McFly into this thing. Absolutely. Right? I'm just gonna try and just, like, like, skateboard into it. Yeah. Okay, perfect. So you, like, you jump on a chair, you jump on a table, you grab the tray off the table, and you leap into the air, and you gotta, like, slide in. It's like a, like a, like Kevin McAllister and Marty McFly had a kid, and I'm gonna, like, kick over a chair and just, like, like, ramp down it. Perfect. And so you get to roll your three dice now?

[50:42] RJ Christian: Hell yeah, dude. Perfect. I think the other, his second favorite book is Tony Hawk's autobiography. So, so he read that, so he knows all about, theoretically, how to do this. So while you're in the air, he yells, Ollie! He spends a lot of time in the parking lot, too, right? I've been hanging out in the, like, infinite, un-aging parking lot, watching kids do this, and grind, and, like, skateboard all the time. Absolutely. Fall off the side of a mountain. All of it. And you're definitely a visual learner, so I say, yeah, you're doing your best to use it. Yeah, absolutely, 100%. There's a five. Okay, cool. So you've got the five, which means that it's gonna, it sort of works, but it works because you jumped into the air, you look amazing as you reach the apex of that jump, and then, you just slam, kind of, right down, and you were not prepared for slamming. Also, you do not have shocks and wheels on this device, so you just absolutely slam, your knees buckle with your poor little leg stat, and you roll, but you roll right into the trash can.

[51:38] Will Champion: Is there anything inside of this trash can? Trash.

[51:48] Jasmin Malave: Oh, god, there, I, sometimes I'm so sad that this is an audio medium. Just the look on your face of, like, yeah, trash. Thank you so much. It's filled with food waste. We're in a food court, yeah, so it's gotta be nothing but, like, straws and cups. Straws and, like, pizza crusts. Yeah. Nice. Okay, I want to find a, I want to find, like, a paper bag. Okay. And what I want to do is, like, make, use it as a hand puppet, and I'm gonna, like, try to scare off the guard. We're booking it, though, right? We're out of here, yeah.

[52:28] RJ Christian: Oh, through the hole of the side of the, yeah. I mean, he's still coming after you guys, you didn't, like, stop him.

[52:31] Will Champion: No, no, we're just, we're just, we're a rolling trash can.

[52:36] Jasmin Malave: Yeah, and like, people, like, you have to also, too, I'm gonna say that there needs to be some sort of, I think, this is actually a good moment, so you're gonna have your hand outside of the trash can. Yeah. Trying to bother the guy to, like, freak him out, maybe, and not, yeah, stop you guys. So I'll have you do for mouth, if you want, like, maybe, like, because you're gonna talk through it. Yeah, well, what were you thinking? If I have the focus, can I, I have an ability called Tail Spinner, which lets me spend the focus to tell an exciting story and choose its effects, and I wonder if I can just use it to, like, get him to believe that this is a creature. Like, is that stretching?

[53:13] Jasmin Malave: No, I'm gonna let you do that, but I'm gonna actually have you do one more thing, which is, can I have you roll for eyes? Yes, I will roll for eyes. And you guys have to be working together right now, because this is, like, there's a bunch of tables here, and you're rolling around, so. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so I want everyone to pick a stat of how they're gonna help.

[53:33] Will Champion: Can I use eyes to navigate?

[53:36] Jasmin Malave: Eyes to navigate. I'm calling it out, because you're the big, strong one, and your crazy-ass legs are going right now. I'm just, so I'm gonna use eyes. So I got a five and a six. Okay, great, so that's gonna be a success, and then you can decide how you're helping the most. I'm legging it. I'm the only legs we've got. Well, if you want, since you've already established that you walk on your arms, I'll let you use your arms stat. Oh, I mean, they're now both two, right? So, yeah. You can also drop your legs whenever you want, that thing that you did. I'm gonna commit to the bit for that. No, yeah, this is incredible. Use the legs. I've got, I will tell you this. Oh, no! Oh, no, I just dropped two fives and a six, so I'm, like, sticking my head out.

If you want to pass one over, you can pass one over. I can pass one over? One and a two. When you work together, you're allowed to pass successes. I'll pass the six. Cool, because you only need two, so you already have a flat success. You have a success with a stumble. Great. Or, yeah, a success with a complication, and then, so what I was having you do here is, like, whether or not you recognize this guy. So, you know this is Blurt, the Paul cop.

[54:37] RJ Christian: Yeah, so Blurt is a well-known person. Pierre Blurt. Oh, freaking Blurt. I know everything about him. So, Pierre Blurt, you know exactly how to get to him and how to bother him, and you know that he believes, like, a lot of really crazy things, so you can absolutely use your focus to, like, trick him into whatever you want. Amazing. So, you're navigating very, very well, and you are doing your best. Not just doing your best. My head is sticking out of the, like, open, like, I've, like, picked my head through the, like, lap, and I, but, like, the world is rotating, so I'm just going, like, whoa, left, whoa, right, look up, well, around there's a child, quick, there's a child with a three scoop triple-decker ice cream.

Oh, god, it's two guys carrying a pane of glass over to the arcade. To the right, to the right, to the right. Go, go, go. I feel like with this partial success, I think the sharp little talons on these new chicken feet have, I'm essentially rotating this trash can through, like, ice pick rules, in that these talons are piercing through the plastic shell of the trash can every time it's okay. Trash is, like, we're leaving a trail of rubbish going as we go.

[55:46] Jasmin Malave: Perfect. So, the structural integrity is slowly failing on this poor little thing.

[55:49] Will Champion: It's a one-way trip.

[55:50] Jasmin Malave: Great, perfect. So, you guys are rolling along, and then how do you end up interrupting this guy?

[55:55] RJ Christian: Yeah, so, I stick my hand out, you know, with this paper bag on it, and I say, Blurt, I know you, Blurt. I've seen your story, and I know how it ends.

[56:05] Jasmin Malave: This shocks Blurt, actually, and he's very, what?

[56:08] RJ Christian: Yes, Blurt, it is I, the AI trash can, and I know the things you've thrown away.

[56:15] Jasmin Malave: No, we're years from AI actually being functionally useful.

[56:18] RJ Christian: And yet, here I am, Blurt, talking to you. You've thrown away not only your dignity, your life, all of your capabilities, but you've also thrown away several half-finished sundaes. You could have eaten those.

[56:34] Jasmin Malave: So, he's, like, really so distraught. Not only is he flashing back to all of the things that his mother had said to him growing up, which was many of the things you just said, but he's also remembering all the times he kept trying. His mom was always like, AI's never going to be functional.

[56:48] RJ Christian: Mother, you were right!

[56:50] Jasmin Malave: And he just thinks about the fact that he really, really loves a Carvel ice cream cake, but he's lactose intolerant, and, like, all of the sundaes that he's thrown away because he keeps trying.

[56:58] RJ Christian: He keeps trying.

[57:00] Jasmin Malave: Stop trying!

[57:01] RJ Christian: He keeps trying, and he's just, like, so hurt by this.

[57:02] Will Champion: Blurt's not a fucking quitter, RJ.

[57:04] RJ Christian: Yeah.

[57:05] Jasmin Malave: Lactate!

[57:06] RJ Christian: Lactate doesn't work for everyone.

[57:08] Jasmin Malave: And as he says that, he trips over a chair because he's so distracted, and you guys make your great escape. And so, your trash can, like, rolls down, um, this- there's escalators, fuck it.

[57:18] Will Champion: So, it rolls down this escalator.

[57:19] Jasmin Malave: That's the title of the episode.

[57:22] Will Champion: Yeah.

[57:22] Jasmin Malave: There's escalators, fuck it. And as you guys get to the bottom, and it rolls down, it explodes with trash and goo, and you just kind of all bounce out of it, but you've made it out of the food court.

[57:33] Will Champion: I am at glorious peace. Just go on the nest.

[57:38] RJ Christian: Just got like removes a comically landed banana peel from his face.

[57:44] Will Champion: My gosh, that was awesome, you guys. That was incredible. We've invented a new goblin vehicle. We're gonna be heroes.

[57:51] Jasmin Malave: Yes, but reliable transportation was not the goal, friends. We must press on.

[57:57] RJ Christian: Extra large pillow.

[57:59] Will Champion: Yes, extra large pillows and extra short bed.

[58:07] Jasmin Malave: The only place we could possibly get it is this magical store of containers. I feel like we're close enough. I look around for a mall map.

[58:12] RJ Christian: A mall map.

[58:13] Will Champion: Yeah.

[58:14] Jasmin Malave: Okay. Eyes. Okay. This is I really am playing to my strengths here.

[58:20] RJ Christian: Yeah, baby.

[58:21] Will Champion: Yeah. Sixes.

[58:25] Jasmin Malave: So you do see I ran into one.

[58:29] RJ Christian: Yeah, perfect.

[58:30] Jasmin Malave: You see one. It's perfect. It makes perfect sense there. You find the map, you see the we are here. And you kind of like triangulate where you're at. And you're able to see that if you like turn the corner, you're gonna find the container depot.

[58:38] Will Champion: Amazing. This is a great reminder to stay present.

[58:47] RJ Christian: I would like to hear we we are here. This is where we'll be. And so we must we must leave our mark as we are what to do.

[58:53] Jasmin Malave: And I grabbed something like Oh, what's the guess if there's a half thrown away Sunday there's gonna be some chocolate. So I'm gonna grab some and make a big smiley face on the like.

[59:03] RJ Christian: Yeah, it's the graffiti.

[59:04] Will Champion: Yeah. Anyone else want to do any of that while you're setting yourself up?

[59:07] RJ Christian: Yeah. I'm gonna let my with the strength come back into the arms and let the chicken legs go. You've served me well tasteful orange chicken.

[59:15] Will Champion: Oh, we have this man.

[59:24] RJ Christian: You can hit that anytime you want as a pulling out and showing you the whole pint of sauce.

[59:29] Will Champion: A pint is the size of a goblet of sauce the size of your fucking head.

[59:35] RJ Christian: Yeah, it's a glorious amount of sauce. I've got it. I will never go hungry or be sick again. And there's probably a way if you want to bring it back. You could reverse engineer it. So this is actually becomes like a staple sauce.

[59:44] Will Champion: Oh, yeah. Oh, this will be great to dip the raw onions in.

[59:49] RJ Christian: Yes. And the butter toast.

[59:53] Will Champion: Oh my gosh, butter. This is an orange chicken sauce. Sounds pretty good. I know my next meal for the next 10 years.

[1:00:00] Jasmin Malave: So as you're doing this, and you're drawing your little thing, you see that there's like a mall help desk as well. And there is a lovely lady who seems kind of maybe that she likes goblins. She says and she doesn't hate them the same way the larger community of tall folks typically does. It's up to you if you want to chat with her if you just want to make your way on.

[1:00:18] RJ Christian: Excuse me, ma'am. Hi.

[1:00:22] Will Champion: Hi.

[1:00:23] Jasmin Malave: Hi there.

[1:00:24] RJ Christian: Hello. I'm Bob.

[1:00:26] Will Champion: She's like little hands.

[1:00:29] Jasmin Malave: Yeah. I mean, reaching across.

[1:00:30] RJ Christian: Yeah.

[1:00:31] Will Champion: Hi. And she like leans over the desk.

[1:00:34] Jasmin Malave: Hi there. Hello. We are on a sacred journey. A great quest.

[1:00:37] RJ Christian: What what's your quest?

[1:00:42] Will Champion: Yeah, we just want to make sure that we're headed to the container store. And also like, I don't know, you seem to be the kind of person to ask about like, got any deals going on this weekend?

[1:00:53] Jasmin Malave: Oh, well, you're in luck. It's it's the first Friday after our feast givings day. So it's actually a huge sale on a lot of items in the mall.

[1:01:04] RJ Christian: The opposite of White Friday.

[1:01:05] Will Champion: Yeah, that's great.

[1:01:06] Jasmin Malave: Yeah. So, um, she definitely points you in the direction and she offers to you know, the container store also has organization doctors and things that people who want to help you with your organization needs.

[1:01:14] RJ Christian: So if you want you can call ahead. If you want to talk her into helping you guys if you want to use your mouth stat to talk your way into an additional help.

[1:01:21] Will Champion: Oh, yeah. Let me mouth it up.

[1:01:28] Jasmin Malave: Okay, you know what? Before you do that, I would like to spend the focus again that I have got to introduce an unexpected fact that adds to the story.

[1:01:34] RJ Christian: Okay, so the fact that I'm going to add is that this is what's the halflings? What's the halflings name that lives with us?

[1:01:40] Will Champion: Oh, the halflings name is Jim Beck.

[1:01:47] Jasmin Malave: This is Jim Beck's sister. She knows Jim Beck. She knows us is that she is in fact, like, really, really into like, she's very supportive of her brother. This is Jane Beck.

[1:02:01] RJ Christian: So Jane Beck absolutely loves you guys. She really just wishes her brother would come home.

[1:02:13] Will Champion: Yeah. Doesn't know why he's painting himself green and living with you all. But like, she just wants him to be happy.

[1:02:18] Jasmin Malave: And if I had to posit, I think he likes the buttered toast.

[1:02:23] RJ Christian: He likes the but I can make buttered toast.

[1:02:28] Will Champion: Have you tried it from our you've got to age it underground for like, till it's almost moldy, but not quite.

[1:02:36] Jasmin Malave: No, I haven't been using square butter. I've been using you have to get the oddly shaped guy. Only the old the shape makes me the best.

[1:02:40] RJ Christian: I don't know what that means. Exactly.

[1:02:51] Will Champion: Okay.

[1:02:52] Jasmin Malave: Okay, um, well, I'm gonna call ahead and I'm gonna tell them that you need the organization doctors to help you. Please just um, will you tell Jim Beck that we love him very much?

[1:03:02] RJ Christian: Oh, yeah, absolutely. Happy to carry messages and stuff. We really wished he would have come yesterday for the feast giving.

[1:03:07] Will Champion: And I will tell you just so you know that one of the things he said he was thankful for was his really supportive family.

[1:03:14] Jasmin Malave: We're being as supportive as we can to honestly, he he's kind of a pain in the ass.

[1:03:19] RJ Christian: Yeah, dude. He's clearly he has to repaint himself green every morning.

[1:03:28] Will Champion: He's the wrong shade. For a while I was intrigued by what his diet might have been to make him grow in such a fashion.

[1:03:34] Jasmin Malave: Yeah, I thought it might be the shrimp that turned you grades like green mingos.

[1:03:39] RJ Christian: Indeed, green mingos turns out he just was not a goblin.

[1:03:47] Will Champion: Oh, but he is a goblin now. And he's a goblin in spirit. And we love that dude. He's great, but he is straight up too big.

[1:03:52] Jasmin Malave: And you know, like he's just having a hard time at the tunnels. But tell you what, I tell you what, we're trying to make we're trying to expand. And maybe we could give him one of our new above ground houses.

[1:04:02] RJ Christian: We would love to do that. Honestly, if we could just see him regularly. Maybe if there's like a visitor center, we could come in and have a meal with you all for sure.

[1:04:13] Will Champion: I tell you what, and he unclips a little beret that has like a little, a little plastic bee on it. And he hands it he just puts on the desk and goes, show that to whoever you talk to. We'll know that you're a friend of the goblins.

[1:04:31] Jasmin Malave: Thank you.

[1:04:32] RJ Christian: Okay, I'll say that this was from blub. It is gross.

[1:04:34] Will Champion: Oh, okay. She's like, she puts it gingerly in her pocket. And I heard that you really like onions.

[1:04:43] Jasmin Malave: So when we come to visit, we will bring some onions.

[1:04:52] RJ Christian: Don't don't don't.

[1:04:53] Will Champion: Okay.

[1:04:54] Jasmin Malave: I won't cook that.

[1:04:56] RJ Christian: Oh, you are a friend of the game back. We honor your name at all things. Come brethren.

[1:05:06] Will Champion: Away. You guys recompense for your trouble.

[1:05:17] RJ Christian: Pulling out the orange chicken samples.

[1:05:21] Will Champion: She doesn't want to offend you, but she hates this. I don't know if you notice it on her face.

[1:05:30] Jasmin Malave: Perfect. Bye.

[1:05:31] Will Champion: Okay. And off you guys go.

[1:05:36] RJ Christian: Just the visual of like, just walking. Like, this has got to be the part of the next, like stretch of the ball I would imagine is the part of the mall that's just old people doing laps.

[1:05:41] Will Champion: Yeah. Shuttered stores. You like pass a few massage chairs.

[1:05:50] RJ Christian: Yeah. One sad guy. Not even getting a massage. You just sitting there with his Walker in front of him. He's on a bench and he's like, yeah.

[1:05:56] Will Champion: Okay. Perfect. As you walk by the sharper image and the other little shops in the, maybe the rain forest cafe, which you all are very fascinated by.

[1:06:07] Jasmin Malave: Oh, I would like to use my focus to immediately also use the unlikely knowledge.

[1:06:14] RJ Christian: Yes. Unexplained fact.

[1:06:15] Will Champion: Um, well, I expect the fact the, uh, talking tree at the rain forest cafe is one of our sacred prophets and helped us get out of the dairy dairy whistle river incident.

[1:06:26] Jasmin Malave: We receive our Holy wisdom on a annual pilgrimage.

[1:06:32] RJ Christian: We got it. Then we got to stop and like, just to honor the prophet.

[1:06:38] Will Champion: What's the name of the prophet?

[1:06:39] Jasmin Malave: Chocolate lava cake.

[1:06:40] RJ Christian: I don't know.

[1:06:41] Will Champion: So it is spoken.

[1:06:42] Jasmin Malave: Chocolate lava cake, CLC, man. We cannot pass by the sacred space without receiving wisdom. We must stop and pay all the source of my magics and power come from the great tree.

[1:06:52] RJ Christian: As you walk towards the tree, it just says conservation is all of our responsibility.

[1:06:57] Will Champion: So true. Great.

[1:06:58] Jasmin Malave: That's right. We recycle everything. These humans throwing away the things they think are trash. It's terrible.

[1:07:05] RJ Christian: Welcome to the rain forest cafe.

[1:07:14] Will Champion: We are welcomed.

[1:07:15] Jasmin Malave: Thank you. When we're here, we are family.

[1:07:19] RJ Christian: What animal family?

[1:07:20] Will Champion: Yeah. The hostess says, no, that's the, oh, so, oh, the garden.

[1:07:27] Jasmin Malave: Unlimited bread.

[1:07:28] RJ Christian: And do you want a table for three years?

[1:07:32] Will Champion: Oh, we're just talking to the tree.

[1:07:34] Jasmin Malave: This is our sacred moment. It is best not to interrupt.

[1:07:35] RJ Christian: Okay. You can enter the gift shop that way.

[1:07:48] Will Champion: I would like to, I would like to, let's see.

[1:07:51] Jasmin Malave: You guys are not going to make it to the container depot.

[1:07:56] Will Champion: You put three of us in the mall. What were we supposed to do?

[1:07:59] RJ Christian: I don't need to do anything.

[1:08:01] Will Champion: We got one container full of sauce.

[1:08:03] RJ Christian: That's true, honestly.

[1:08:04] Will Champion: Halfway. It's a partial success.

[1:08:05] Jasmin Malave: You know what? This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I want to ask them if they know anybody at the container store.

[1:08:07] RJ Christian: The hostess?

[1:08:09] Will Champion: The hostess.

[1:08:10] RJ Christian: Yeah.

[1:08:10] Will Champion: Okay. Sure.

[1:08:11] Jasmin Malave: Excuse me, ma'am.

[1:08:12] RJ Christian: Oh, hi.

[1:08:13] Will Champion: We are on a quest, a great quest for housing for our people. And we're headed to the container store.

[1:08:19] Jasmin Malave: Do you know anybody down there? You got like an inn? You seem like somebody who knows their way around the old Westgate environs.

[1:08:25] RJ Christian: This is a teenage human.

[1:08:27] Will Champion: Yeah.

[1:08:27] Jasmin Malave: She doesn't care about this job, but she knows a bunch of other teens that work at the mall part time.

[1:08:33] RJ Christian: So, um, let's see, let's do a, let's do an eyes.

[1:08:37] Will Champion: Eyes?

[1:08:38] RJ Christian: Yeah. Because we're knowledge.

[1:08:39] Will Champion: Yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Eyes is knowledge. Great. Then.

[1:08:44] RJ Christian: Yeah, dude. There's the six.

[1:08:45] Will Champion: Great.

[1:08:46] RJ Christian: And a couple of fours.

[1:08:46] Will Champion: So she's like really weirded out by you guys and she's not going to like.

[1:08:50] Jasmin Malave: Oh, great. Holy priest of the tree.

[1:08:54] RJ Christian: Deep breathing.

[1:08:55] Will Champion: Please tell us, give us onto your knowledge.

[1:08:58] Jasmin Malave: Keeper of secrets that no one of the tree to the great chocolate lava cake.

[1:09:04] RJ Christian: This is the first time I'm going to pass the focus while, uh, someone has it because the deep breathing is so creepy.

[1:09:08] Will Champion: So you have 30 seconds to spend it.

[1:09:15] Jasmin Malave: I'm going to use, um, my, I'm going to use a fool's inspiration, which means I can give my, um, focus to someone else and they get plus one to their dice roll.

[1:09:22] RJ Christian: I can help out with one more dice, one more dice.

[1:09:26] Will Champion: Okay. I'm all right.

[1:09:35] Jasmin Malave: You're using it right now. And then it goes over here.

[1:09:38] RJ Christian: Oh, you didn't ask her in the teen slang.

[1:09:44] Will Champion: Oh, oh, let me try with that three.

[1:09:50] Jasmin Malave: Let me try some teen slag. That's the key. Give me the skip back.

[1:09:54] RJ Christian: No, what's going on?

[1:09:56] Will Champion: You're a wiggity skibbity whack.

[1:10:00] Jasmin Malave: Whoa.

[1:10:01] RJ Christian: And I hang out with you.

[1:10:02] Will Champion: She says, Oh, it's so chewy.

[1:10:07] Jasmin Malave: We'll just took psychic.

[1:10:08] RJ Christian: Love love disintegrates.

[1:10:12] Will Champion: She doesn't like it at all.

[1:10:13] Jasmin Malave: I feel like you actually are.

[1:10:15] RJ Christian: No.

[1:10:16] Will Champion: Okay. So you still had a partial success. Um, it's with great effort. You honestly, it takes like another 20 minutes of you pestering her. You finally just wear her down.

[1:10:27] Jasmin Malave: And so she's like, what's this? What's this? What do you use this for? What are these things?

[1:10:32] RJ Christian: He's like, it picks up one of the like little vibrating desks that you get. What does this thing do? This looks magical.

[1:10:35] Will Champion: Eat, chewing it and licking it.

[1:10:41] Jasmin Malave: Let me just get my little, I don't like creating names. So I have a little name table because I'm lazy. Her name is absolutely like McKenna.

[1:10:51] RJ Christian: Absolutely.

[1:10:52] Will Champion: So McKenna works at the rain forest cafe and her friend that she knows, um, is Drake.

[1:11:03] Jasmin Malave: The year is canonically 2003.

[1:11:05] RJ Christian: I've heard about this Drake.

[1:11:10] Will Champion: Drake is just a teenager who like works in stocking the shelves there, but like sure. I've heard of his hotline blinging.

[1:11:15] Jasmin Malave: Maybe it's helpful.

[1:11:20] RJ Christian: And his feud.

[1:11:21] Will Champion: Honestly, like she's so like charmed by the end of you guys bothering her that she does tell you about the feud at school.

[1:11:24] Jasmin Malave: So you've heard all about Kendrick and Drake.

[1:11:27] RJ Christian: Oh my God. Now we have an in for Drake. We're on Drake's side.

[1:11:34] Will Champion: Okay. This is amazing.

[1:11:35] Jasmin Malave: Cool. Onward.

[1:11:36] RJ Christian: I just want to, oh wait, did you want to talk to the tree?

[1:11:41] Will Champion: I want to approach the tree, but they never listened to me.

[1:11:43] Jasmin Malave: Thank you. Great speaker, savior of the river. Welcome to the rain forest cafe. I cannot leave without taking communion of your holy bow.

[1:11:49] RJ Christian: It's just all of a sudden you hear the crashing of the rain because the rain section of that started.

[1:12:03] RJ Christian: Yeah, and everything starts raining, the monkeys are going crazy, and everything's happening around you.

[1:12:08] Will Champion: One of the waiters just went, PAINOOO!!

[1:12:11] Alex Murray: And you hear, POM POM POM POM.

[1:12:12] RJ Christian: I'm gonna use the focus to use my gobble up feature to strip a small piece of the animatronic tree bark and eat it.

[1:12:20] Will Champion: It's plastic.

[1:12:21] RJ Christian: I don't know that!

[1:12:23] Alex Murray: It's the Holy Spirit!

[1:12:24] RJ Christian: A leaf maybe? A leaf. Is it like a leaf that is folded or a leaf?

[1:12:28] Will Champion: What I can strip, whatever Nash can take and consume.

[1:12:30] Alex Murray: It's all plastic.

[1:12:31] Will Champion: Whatever you can strip.

[1:12:33] RJ Christian: Okay! Take whatever you want.

[1:12:35] Will Champion: Actually, roll for... Justify it.

[1:12:41] RJ Christian: You suck it up, so mouth?

[1:12:43] Will Champion: I'm trying to become closer to the prophet.

[1:12:45] RJ Christian: Is that five? Yeah, yeah.

[1:12:47] Will Champion: I mean, what if you just lick the crap out of it?

[1:12:49] RJ Christian: That's a six and a four.

[1:12:51] Will Champion: Yeah.

[1:12:53] RJ Christian: That's the most defeated DM face I've ever seen.

[1:12:55] Will Champion: I wanna lick it like the worst jawbreaker imaginable.

[1:12:58] RJ Christian: The six works, but you work with either tremendous effort or something bad happens.

[1:13:02] Will Champion: So I'm gonna say that you rip a piece of bark off of it and as you do, it exposes the machinery underneath.

[1:13:10] RJ Christian: Oh God!

[1:13:12] Will Champion: Which you can tell them if you want. I don't know if they saw it, but you have now seen that your deity is an automaton.

[1:13:20] RJ Christian: I do not see this. Blurb is busy flirting his ass off.

[1:13:23] Will Champion: So this is your burden to bear now.

[1:13:25] RJ Christian: Nash, you seem in trouble.

[1:13:28] Will Champion: Nash, dude, we've gotta go talk to Drake, man. He seems like the coolest guy.

[1:13:33] RJ Christian: We must leave this place.

[1:13:35] Will Champion: You seem like a haunted man.

[1:13:37] RJ Christian: I fear I have committed a cardinal sin.

[1:13:39] Will Champion: I must not speak of this.

[1:13:41] RJ Christian: What have we done?

[1:13:43] Will Champion: We have to leave.

[1:13:45] RJ Christian: Okay, well, let's go, buddy. It's alright, man.

[1:13:47] Will Champion: You want some of the sauce? Here, hit the sauce.

[1:13:49] RJ Christian: The small piece of bark I stripped, I'm gonna absolutely submerge in the sauce.

[1:13:53] Will Champion: Goddammit.

[1:13:56] RJ Christian: We have to get out of here.

[1:13:58] Will Champion: Okay, let's go. Quick, we're almost there. The map I still remember in my head is just a few doors down.

[1:14:04] RJ Christian: The bark is like that more foamy, like foamcore shit, so you're like, you've dipped it and you're just chewing on it.

[1:14:12] Will Champion: What are you eating there, Nash?

[1:14:14] RJ Christian: It really sops up the sauce, though.

[1:14:16] Will Champion: I'm just gonna say that it just gives me a plush texture.

[1:14:21] RJ Christian: Okay, do you want to adjust any of your stats? Are you bouncy? Do you become like the Prophet? Or your exterior is just now mushy?

[1:14:27] Will Champion: Yeah, I like that. Less leathery and more mushy exterior.

[1:14:33] RJ Christian: So if someone were to try to come after you, you would not be injured, you would just bounce.

[1:14:39] Will Champion: Yeah, great, less grippable.

[1:14:41] RJ Christian: Okay, perfect. So you make your way.

[1:14:45] Will Champion: Are there any, like, you know the little carts that look like animals that kids ride around on in malls? Is this a thing that's familiar to people? Can we find one of those?

[1:14:53] RJ Christian: I'm gonna pass the focus to you if you want to spend it.

[1:14:58] Will Champion: Oh, yeah, absolutely. While you're doing that, I am going to...

[1:15:03] RJ Christian: I'm gonna spend it to say an unlikely fact. It's that Blurb actually has a couple secret passages through the mall that he knows about.

[1:15:12] Will Champion: Okay, so like from this side?

[1:15:14] RJ Christian: I've been sneaking around because I have to sneak in after hours sometimes. So I actually do know a shortcut here that's gonna get us like...

[1:15:23] Will Champion: Just as I'm thinking, all we need is a Subwheels.

[1:15:29] RJ Christian: And I know we can zip through a back, like a service entrance to the back of the container store.

[1:15:35] Will Champion: I was gonna suggest if you want, because you're already almost there, but if you know where your secret tunnels are, that can be your quick escape.

[1:15:42] RJ Christian: Okay, great. So if you want to set yourself up with your wheelie and your escape, then you can have like a quick exit.

[1:15:48] Will Champion: Okay, perfect. So what did you roll for your...?

[1:15:51] RJ Christian: A five.

[1:15:52] Will Champion: Okay, that'll work.

[1:15:53] RJ Christian: So you do find some of the carts. The only thing is that, yes, the carts are available, but they're locked in a little thing and you need quarters.

[1:16:04] Will Champion: Oh, gosh, anyone have any chains?

[1:16:07] RJ Christian: I've got a couple more toothpicks.

[1:16:10] Will Champion: I can animate...

[1:16:12] RJ Christian: I'm gonna take the pog that I canonically have on my belt and I'm gonna animate it.

[1:16:18] Will Champion: Do you have to spend focus to animate?

[1:16:20] RJ Christian: No, this is my advanced speed. So I'm just gonna take my pog and go, I've got this.

[1:16:25] Will Champion: Fly by pretty.

[1:16:27] RJ Christian: And I flick it and I, again, I just give it a little, like lick it a little bit.

[1:16:32] Will Champion: Perfect. In a cinematic world, it's gonna just slowly, you would see slow motion, go through the air and slowly form into the correct shape of a quarter and land directly into the thing.

[1:16:44] RJ Christian: Right before it goes in, it actually does animate. The little pog guy turns into George Washington.

[1:16:50] Will Champion: And he winks.

[1:16:55] RJ Christian: I want to see this animated so bad.

[1:16:57] Will Champion: I want to see this entire session in like 30 minutes.

[1:17:00] RJ Christian: Animatic now.

[1:17:01] Will Champion: Oh, my God. Okay, great. So that works perfect. And it goes in and you're able to liberate one animal cart.

[1:17:10] RJ Christian: To the container store.

[1:17:12] Will Champion: You guys are like pushing it. Special for transits.

[1:17:15] RJ Christian: I think I've blown us inside of it. Like George Washington pointing.

[1:17:20] Will Champion: Crossing the dollar.

[1:17:23] RJ Christian: And like, again, all you can see is this dumb mouth smiling and like this huge wizard hat. Bathrobe flapping in the breeze as you guys push us down.

[1:17:33] Will Champion: Big beefy arms just pushing the microwave.

[1:17:36] RJ Christian: We go right past the sad guy in the massage chair.

[1:17:38] Will Champion: And your feet are clamped on the handle. And you're just pushing your arms.

[1:17:42] RJ Christian: So you're just pushing everybody.

[1:17:47] Will Champion: The sad guy in the massage chair just goes, I should never come here on Tuesdays.

[1:17:54] RJ Christian: This guy is so sick of the goblins.

[1:17:56] Will Champion: He hates them.

[1:17:57] RJ Christian: Are we there?

[1:17:58] Will Champion: So, yeah. I'm going to say that you set yourself up. You've like set that thing up as your great escape in the back passage. And so you can enter the container store. And it's up to you if you want to look for the organization doctors that we're called to head for or if you're looking for Drake.

[1:18:12] RJ Christian: What do we do, brethren?

[1:18:13] Will Champion: Right. I feel like our best in is Drake, man.

[1:18:16] RJ Christian: Yes.

[1:18:17] Will Champion: Because we can get it on his good side by telling him that we think Kendrick's a total bozo.

[1:18:20] RJ Christian: But of course.

[1:18:24] Will Champion: Yes. Maybe he can take us to where I've heard tell. There's a mythical space in all of these stores. They call it the back room.

[1:18:32] RJ Christian: And just like my hero, Christian Grey, the back room is where they keep all the good stuff.

[1:18:41] Will Champion: Oh, God damn it.

[1:18:42] RJ Christian: So, listen. We need to –

[1:18:44] Will Champion: Okay.

[1:18:45] RJ Christian: It's funny every time.

[1:18:46] Will Champion: Okay.

[1:18:47] RJ Christian: Where is Drake?

[1:18:48] Will Champion: Where is Drake? I want to talk to Drake.

[1:18:50] RJ Christian: Okay. It's like literally I know one thing about the book, too, is that it all happens in a weird room. That's it.

[1:18:56] Will Champion: So, what are you spending it on?

[1:18:57] RJ Christian: I want to – when we find Drake, I want to tell him a tale that will get him on our side. I'm going to use my tail spinner.

[1:19:05] Will Champion: I will have you roll mouth really quick.

[1:19:07] RJ Christian: Yeah.

[1:19:08] Will Champion: And then I will –

[1:19:10] RJ Christian: Okay.

[1:19:11] Will Champion: That – one five.

[1:19:13] RJ Christian: Okay.

[1:19:14] Will Champion: I guess – what did I roll?

[1:19:17] RJ Christian: The five is good. The five is enough.

[1:19:19] Will Champion: Okay.

[1:19:20] RJ Christian: Okay. This was a stinker.

[1:19:22] Will Champion: Okay.

[1:19:23] RJ Christian: Yeah.

[1:19:24] Will Champion: So, basically, as you get – you're just like I don't want to deal with, like, trying to find him in a normal way. So, like, the way that this is partially –

[1:19:34] RJ Christian: Yeah.

[1:19:35] Will Champion: You go full – just as if you have a megaphone at this point. You're just like, Drake! Drake! Drake, I seek your countenance.

[1:19:44] RJ Christian: And he's just like, your countenance.

[1:19:46] Will Champion: I used to call you on my cell phone.

[1:19:51] RJ Christian: It's going. It's moving again.

[1:19:53] Will Champion: That's okay. I'm going to use it right now. I'm going to burn it anyway.

[1:19:56] RJ Christian: Drake has a huge crush on Jane Beck.

[1:19:58] Will Champion: Yes.

[1:19:59] RJ Christian: Okay, great. Oh, I love this so much. We know all the teens at the mall now. This is hilarious.

[1:20:04] Will Champion: Okay. So, you are successful finding him because you started shouting.

[1:20:09] RJ Christian: I noticed.

[1:20:10] Will Champion: And you can lock and load the story you wanted to tell for the spend.

[1:20:12] RJ Christian: I want to say I noticed when I was talking to Jane Beck that she was just dreamily writing Drake.

[1:20:17] Will Champion: She was doing a match.

[1:20:18] RJ Christian: Drake and Jane Beck. Like, yes, she was doing a match.

[1:20:20] Will Champion: Yeah, she was just, like, writing Mrs. Drake, like, all over her notebook.

[1:20:24] RJ Christian: That's his first and last name.

[1:20:26] Will Champion: Yeah, yeah.

[1:20:27] RJ Christian: Mrs. Drake Drake.

[1:20:28] Will Champion: Drake Drake.

[1:20:30] RJ Christian: Okay, great. He's a Dragonborn because Drake.

[1:20:33] Will Champion: Yeah, yeah. Obviously.

[1:20:35] RJ Christian: So, this, like, moody Dragonborn teen who miraculously has a tuft of hair that's over one eye.

[1:20:43] Will Champion: Of course he does.

[1:20:44] RJ Christian: Yeah. It's a fucking, are you kidding? It's not natural.

[1:20:48] Will Champion: He bought it.

[1:20:49] RJ Christian: He bought it at the Hot Topic.

[1:20:52] Will Champion: Like a toupee.

[1:20:53] RJ Christian: It's just glued on. He's just got one piece of weave that comes down over his eye.

[1:20:59] Will Champion: Okay, so Drake is, he's just, he comes running. He's like, guys, stop. You're going to get me in trouble. Jeez.

[1:21:04] RJ Christian: Drake. You know why we're here.

[1:21:08] Will Champion: What a dude, my man.

[1:21:09] RJ Christian: Who the hell are you?

[1:21:10] Will Champion: Listen, Drake. We are the keepers of the secret secrets, man. And we come from, Jane Beck sent us here.

[1:21:15] RJ Christian: What?

[1:21:21] Will Champion: Yeah. Yeah. She told us to come here and talk to you. And also McKenna told us to talk to you. She told us.

[1:21:27] RJ Christian: That's cool.

[1:21:28] Will Champion: Yeah. McKenna kicks ass. She told us that we could help you out. This is what we could do for you, my man.

[1:21:33] RJ Christian: What?

[1:21:34] Will Champion: We could tell everybody. Everybody. That Kendrick is a total bozo.

[1:21:39] RJ Christian: Yes.

[1:21:40] Will Champion: He'll win for you. The next time he's...

[1:21:42] RJ Christian: And then you had something that you wanted to do, right? Specifically?

[1:21:44] Will Champion: The next time he's skating out in the parking lot, man, I could magically make the wheels all come off of his skateboard and he'll fall down and look like a total doofus.

[1:21:52] RJ Christian: Wait, I'm not mad at that. That actually sounds kind of great.

[1:21:56] Will Champion: It's for a favor, however.

[1:21:58] RJ Christian: Yeah, we need some help, man.

[1:22:00] Will Champion: Yes, my friend. We seek your special, special skills in order to give us housing for our goblin home.

[1:22:07] RJ Christian: He's very confused by this. He just looks around at all the different containers. I guess like there's those little, depending on the size of them, there's those little square cube containers, which could be like little cubbies that people sleep in.

[1:22:19] Will Champion: I'm thinking pull out like the three drawers, your classic three drawers.

[1:22:24] RJ Christian: That's actually goblin bunks.

[1:22:26] Will Champion: Yeah, totally goblin bunks.

[1:22:28] RJ Christian: So is there anything else that we want to like tell him for this whole...

[1:22:31] Will Champion: I think this is another group action. Everybody like is convincing him.

[1:22:35] RJ Christian: So you have offered your magic prowess. You have offered like some words about like maybe you'll insult Kendrick for him.

[1:22:46] Will Champion: We love Drake. We hate Kendrick.

[1:22:48] RJ Christian: Yeah, but Drake needs to work on some of his...

[1:22:51] Will Champion: We could help.

[1:22:53] RJ Christian: We could help you, right?

[1:22:55] Will Champion: I don't know how I feel about us canonically coming down on Drake's side and all of this, but that's okay. That's the world of the story.

[1:23:02] RJ Christian: What I'm doing is I'm going to...

[1:23:05] Will Champion: Well met.

[1:23:06] RJ Christian: The podcast does not...

[1:23:07] Will Champion: You want to use them right now?

[1:23:09] RJ Christian: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:23:10] Will Champion: So let's go.

[1:23:11] RJ Christian: Drake. I listen to you. The sound from the clouds that is descended from you.

[1:23:17] Will Champion: And I have a fucking...

[1:23:23] RJ Christian: Okay, great. We can hold it.

[1:23:25] Will Champion: Oh, yes, but I have some suggestions of lyrics that might make Kendrick be his pants.

[1:23:30] RJ Christian: What?

[1:23:32] Will Champion: So you say, Oopie Doopie diddly doo.

[1:23:34] RJ Christian: Oopie Doopie diddly doo.

[1:23:36] Will Champion: Kendrick, you smell like poo.

[1:23:38] RJ Christian: Kendrick, you smell like...

[1:23:39] Will Champion: That's so great.

[1:23:40] RJ Christian: It's pretty fire.

[1:23:41] Will Champion: I'm so fired.

[1:23:42] RJ Christian: Geez. How would...

[1:23:44] Will Champion: Why did I not think of that?

[1:23:45] RJ Christian: Yeah, you were looking at inward, but not outward.

[1:23:48] Will Champion: Well, I will definitely get this in the sound cloud.

[1:23:54] RJ Christian: And I'm so excited about dissing him and then him also, like, beefing it on his skateboard.

[1:24:01] Will Champion: I'm going to make him look like such a doofus, man. You don't even know.

[1:24:03] RJ Christian: Yes. Kendrick, run for your life.

[1:24:06] Will Champion: So you're going to do your hair brain scheme to make this group effort successful.

[1:24:11] RJ Christian: That's my thought here. We can take all of your faulty backstop containers off your hands.

[1:24:18] Will Champion: My air brain scheme is I can inhale about every unusable container you've got. I'll be a giant waddling blob of a goblin.

[1:24:29] RJ Christian: You just turn into a container and we'll use you as a container to put more containers in your kitchen.

[1:24:33] Will Champion: Yes.

[1:24:38] RJ Christian: Great. Excellent. That idea is suspiciously middle class goblins.

[1:24:46] Will Champion: We don't need a lot.

[1:24:48] RJ Christian: So I'm going to have everyone pick what stat they want to do. Just justify it for me of how you're helping this group roll.

[1:24:55] Will Champion: Okay. I think mine's going to be knowledge.

[1:24:57] RJ Christian: It'll be eyes because, like, I am.

[1:24:59] Will Champion: You want to be like, look out kind of thing?

[1:25:01] RJ Christian: Well, again, I think that, like, I'm observing all of these dynamics all the time anyway. Blurb is, like, fascinated by the workings of, like, the teenage culture in the mall, I think.

[1:25:11] Will Champion: Okay, great.

[1:25:12] RJ Christian: And so I've been tracking it. I know exactly, I can tell him, I know when he's out there skating, I know who's looking at him, Tommy J's looking at him, and Billy C, and I'll wait until they're looking at him and then I'll make him look like a doofus.

[1:25:23] Will Champion: Perfect. So I'm going to have you roll your eyes stat. I'll roll mouth, you know. I want to convince him. I'll use my little words of wisdom. I'm thinking mouth to just eat it all.

[1:25:32] RJ Christian: And eat it all.

[1:25:33] Will Champion: Great. Does the harebrained scheme, did it sound plausible enough to give me plus two dice?

[1:25:36] RJ Christian: Yeah, I like it.

[1:25:39] Will Champion: Great. Let's go seven mouth.

[1:25:43] RJ Christian: Oh, my gosh, three successes.

[1:25:45] Will Champion: I got two fives.

[1:25:46] RJ Christian: Two fives, regular success.

[1:25:47] Will Champion: Oh! I've got one six in my name.

[1:25:50] RJ Christian: Holy shit.

[1:25:51] Will Champion: That's crazy.

[1:25:52] RJ Christian: Oh, I didn't see that six was behind us. For the folks at home, it was one out of seven dice, one six, three threes, two twos, and a one.

[1:26:00] Will Champion: I want to use my fool's inspiration. And so he's going to get the focus and a plus one on this roll.

[1:26:07] RJ Christian: You get to roll one more die.

[1:26:09] Will Champion: I'm saying, yes, Nash, you've inhaled part of the prophet. I've seen it in you. You have power within.

[1:26:15] RJ Christian: I'll spit out the rest of the chicken, you darn.

[1:26:22] Will Champion: You believe in me, Smerick?

[1:26:25] RJ Christian: It was a one.

[1:26:27] Will Champion: So, what do we think? Are we ready to dive into the Westgate Temple Complex?

[1:26:57] RJ Christian: Absolutely! I’m excited to see what kind of chaos we can create.

[1:27:27] Alex Murray: I just hope we don’t get lost in the food court again.

[1:27:57] Will Champion: Right? Last time was a disaster.

[1:28:17] RJ Christian: But it was a fun disaster!

[1:28:37] Alex Murray: True, true. So, what’s our first move?

[1:28:57] Will Champion: I think we should head straight for the oracle at the Rainforest Cafe.

[1:29:17] RJ Christian: Sounds like a plan!

[1:29:37] Alex Murray: I’m ready for some goblin wisdom.

[1:29:57] Will Champion: Let’s do it!

[1:30:17] RJ Christian: Alright, we enter the temple complex.

[1:30:37] Alex Murray: What do we see?

[1:30:57] Will Champion: You see a vast hall filled with echoes and the faint smell of popcorn.

[1:31:17] RJ Christian: And the food court is just ahead, right?

[1:31:37] Alex Murray: Yes, but beware of the lap walkers!

[1:31:57] Will Champion: They can be quite aggressive if you get in their way.

[1:32:17] RJ Christian: We’ll have to navigate carefully.

[1:32:37] Alex Murray: I’m ready for anything!

[1:32:57] Will Champion: Let’s make our way to the food court.

[1:33:17] RJ Christian: I can already hear the sizzling of fries!

[1:33:37] Alex Murray: And the sound of disgruntled teenagers.

[1:33:57] Will Champion: They might need our help.

[1:34:17] RJ Christian: We can’t let them lose hope!

[1:34:37] Alex Murray: Exactly!

[1:34:57] Will Champion: Alright, we approach the food court.

[1:35:17] RJ Christian: What do we see?

[1:35:37] Alex Murray: A sea of tables and chairs, with a few brave souls trying to enjoy their meals.

[1:35:57] Will Champion: And there’s the oracle, sitting in the corner.

[1:36:17] RJ Christian: Let’s go talk to them!

[1:36:37] Alex Murray: I hope they have some good advice for us.

[1:36:57] Will Champion: As you approach, the oracle looks up and raises an eyebrow.

[1:37:17] RJ Christian: What do they say?

[1:37:37] Alex Murray: “What brings you goblins to my domain?”

[1:37:57] Will Champion: We need guidance on securing housing for our community!

[1:38:17] RJ Christian: Yes, we must save the Goblin Kenn!

[1:38:37] Alex Murray: Can you help us, wise oracle?

[1:38:57] Will Champion: The oracle strokes their chin thoughtfully.

[1:39:17] RJ Christian: What’s the verdict?

[1:39:37] Alex Murray: We’re on the edge of our seats!

[1:39:57] Will Champion: “To find what you seek, you must first prove your worth.”

[1:40:17] RJ Christian: Prove our worth? How?

[1:40:47] Will Champion: The oracle smiles mysteriously, “Complete the trials of the food court.”