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[0:00] Brad Forenza: Oh, good. You came back to Around the Sun, an episodic audio drama created by Brad Forenza.

[0:06] Brad Forenza: That's me. This episode, Subway Car, stars Sally Struthers and Ryan Wotherspoon.

[0:14] Brad Forenza: What's your favorite subway story? Share it with us using the hashtag AroundTheSunPodcast. For now, this is a downtown one-train.

[0:35] Narrator: It is springtime on New York City's one-train. A young man sits in one of two seats on the car, staring down at a ring box.

[1:12] Sally Struthers: Oh, God. I have to get off this train. Excuse me, young man. Is this seat taken?

[1:18] Ryan Wotherspoon: Oh, no. You can have it. Just as long as you don't mind sitting next to a crazy person.

[1:22] Sally Struthers: Well, I couldn't help but notice all of your heavy breathing here. Have you paid much mind to the ragweed this season?

[1:29] Ryan Wotherspoon: No, ma'am. It's not the ragweed. It's not that simple.

[1:33] Sally Struthers: Well, if it's a spell you're having, just remember what the good book says. When the righteous cry out for help, the Lord hears and he delivers.

[1:43] Ryan Wotherspoon: Yeah, I'm not that righteous, ma'am. I'm actually not much of anything.

[1:47] Sally Struthers: But, young man, we're all God's children. Now, why don't you tell Mrs. Truitt what's ailing you?

[1:54] Ryan Wotherspoon: Oh, God.

[1:55] Sally Struthers: Oh, come on, now. There's nothing Mrs. Truitt hasn't heard.

[1:59] Ryan Wotherspoon: I'm meeting my girlfriend.

[2:02] Sally Struthers: We love her, by the way. I'm meeting my girlfriend, Laura, and her parents at the Intrepid tonight.

[2:08] Sally Struthers: The Intrepid? Young man, are you going to Fleet Week?

[2:12] Ryan Wotherspoon: No, no. We're not going to Fleet Week. We're going to Fleet Week by proxy, you could say.

[2:16] Sally Struthers: Oh, I used to love Fleet Week. All those big, tall ships and those big, tall sailors coming in the harbor. All of them fixing to have a good time.

[2:26] Ryan Wotherspoon: I said we're not going to Fleet Week.

[2:28] Sally Struthers: Well, all right, young man. You don't have to snap at Mrs. Truitt like you were a snap turtle or so.

[2:33] Ryan Wotherspoon: Laura and I are going to the Intrepid to celebrate an anniversary.

[2:37] Sally Struthers: And we're meeting her parents there.

[2:39] Ryan Wotherspoon: Laura's parents are having an anniversary.

[2:42] Sally Struthers: No, this is not another celebration of Laura's parents. This is a celebration of Laura and me.

[2:48] Sally Struthers: Well, congratulations to you then. That does sound lovely. But why are you having such a fit about it?

[2:56] Ryan Wotherspoon: Because Laura's parents think I'm going to propose.

[2:58] Sally Struthers: Well, whatever gave them that idea?

[3:01] Ryan Wotherspoon: They told me I had to.

[3:02] Sally Struthers: Lincoln Center.

[3:05] Ryan Wotherspoon: Wait a minute. Laura's parents told you to propose?

[3:11] Sally Struthers: They said if we were going to move in together, I had to.

[3:14] Ryan Wotherspoon: And now you're having second thoughts about your affections?

[3:18] Sally Struthers: I...

[3:18] Sally Struthers: Young man, you've got worse than ragweed to suppress. You've got a mighty dose of the spring fever.

[3:24] Ryan Wotherspoon: But I do love Laura.

[3:26] Sally Struthers: I see it every year. As soon as the snow melts, the ships take over the harbor and the birds and the bees take over the city.

[3:34] Ryan Wotherspoon: I've loved Laura since the moment I met her. One year ago tonight on the Intrepid.

[3:39] Sally Struthers: Then the pollen goes flying and the hormones go racing.

[3:43] Ryan Wotherspoon: Well, I only have hormones for Laura.

[3:46] Sally Struthers: Yeah.

[3:47] Ryan Wotherspoon: And I do want to marry her.

[3:49] Sally Struthers: Now tell me, young man, have you prayed on this?

[3:54] Ryan Wotherspoon: Huh?

[3:55] Sally Struthers: Have you prayed on your decision to ask for Laura's hand?

[3:59] Ryan Wotherspoon: I don't do much praying.

[4:00] Sally Struthers: Well, then you'll have to come to the meeting tonight.

[4:04] Ryan Wotherspoon: What meeting?

[4:05] Sally Struthers: The meeting. You'll have to come with Mrs. Truitt to the meeting and pray on your decision to ask for Laura's hand.

[4:12] Ryan Wotherspoon: I don't go to meetings.

[4:14] Sally Struthers: I've already decided. It's downtown tonight, so you'll just stay on the one train with me right past the Intrepid.

[4:20] Ryan Wotherspoon: But I already told you, I'm going to propose to Laura tonight. She and her parents are already waiting for me.

[4:26] Sally Struthers: Well, you didn't sound so sure a minute ago. And if you haven't prayed on a decision that's this important, then I'm afraid you haven't made much of a decision at all.

[4:34] Ryan Wotherspoon: Yeah, I've made a decision and it's final. I'm going to ask for Laura's hand.

[4:40] Sally Struthers: It's about time we had some new stories at the meeting anyway.

[4:44] Ryan Wotherspoon: No, no, thank you.

[4:44] Sally Struthers: It gets a bit stale here in the same old, same old.

[4:47] Ryan Wotherspoon: What kind of meeting is this?

[4:49] Sally Struthers: It's a mutual aid meeting for people who have lost their way.

[4:53] Ryan Wotherspoon: But I'm not lost, Mrs. Truitt. I actually have never been more certain about who I am or where I'm going in life. When I get off this train, I'm going to ask for Laura's hand once and for all.

[5:08] Ryan Wotherspoon: I just wish I had a little more time to prepare. Like, if I could propose to Laura in the fall after we've lived together for a while, you know, then it would be on my terms.

[5:18] Sally Struthers: Petty Officer Truitt of the United States Navy proposed to me during the spring.

[5:23] Sally Struthers: During Fleet Week, in fact.

[5:25] Sally Struthers: It's her parents, as usual, making mandates and throwing their weight. I was just a pretty young thing back then, waving at all those big, tall sailors docking in the harbor.

[5:35] Sally Struthers: And there was Petty Officer Truitt, uniform-pressed, air-coiffed.

[5:41] Sally Struthers: Laura has the most beautiful hair.

[5:44] Sally Struthers: Of course, he didn't stay coiffed for long before I could even wet my palate. He was three sheets to the wind and having it out with a bar full of Hell's Angels.

[5:55] Sally Struthers: They say you never know a person until you live with them. Officer Truitt had to set sail for Timbuktu the next morning, so I didn't get to see him again until the following Fleet Week.

[6:05] Sally Struthers: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I guess. Of course, that year, he got so liquored up, he went rolling around the seaport and got himself clipped by the M-15.

[6:14] Ryan Wotherspoon: Maybe Laura and I need time apart.

[6:15] Sally Struthers: If nothing else, apart from her parents.

[6:18] Sally Struthers: Year after that, he broke into a pace music thing at Carnegie Hall. He was trotting up and down the aisles, screaming, Stupid! Liquor.

[6:29] Ryan Wotherspoon: I can't propose tonight, Mrs. Truitt.

[6:31] Sally Struthers: You liquor, you brought her. There's too much going on in the world.

[6:35] Sally Struthers: Anyway, on our fourth Fleet Week together, Officer Truitt went MIA, turned up on Coney Island, blacked out in a heap of elephant dung.

[6:44] Sally Struthers: For one thing, her parents shouldn't be dictating when and how we get engaged. I've never seen anyone love the Devil's Brew as much as Officer Truitt.

[6:53] Sally Struthers: Trouble is, Devil's Brew hated him.

[6:57] Ryan Wotherspoon: It's closing up my throat.

[6:59] Sally Struthers: Young man, you're having another spell. Is someone burning toast in here?

[7:03] Sally Struthers: Young man, people on the one train don't have time for your fits. Now, maybe on the seven or on the L, but not the one train.

[7:10] Sally Struthers: I swear, if anyone ever needed a good meeting, it's you. Just admit that you're nothing and give yourself over. That's the only chance you have to suppress these things.

[7:22] Ryan Wotherspoon: Yes, ma'am.

[7:23] Sally Struthers: Now, tell Mrs. Truitt you're either gonna ask for Laura's hand or you're not.

[7:32] Ryan Wotherspoon: Mrs. Truitt, I am going to ask for Laura's hand.

[7:38] Sally Struthers: Lord have mercy.

[7:40] Ryan Wotherspoon: I can provide for her, Mrs. Truitt. I know I can.

[7:44] Ryan Wotherspoon: Maybe not with a house on the Cape or a family trust, but I can provide for her.

[7:48] Ryan Wotherspoon: And I'll be the best husband anybody could ever be, because that's exactly what Laura deserves.

[7:52] Sally Struthers: Officer Truitt didn't have a trust, either. Just the promise of his Navy pension check.

[7:57] Ryan Wotherspoon: How did he propose? I need ideas.

[8:01] Sally Struthers: Well, it was all a bit circumstantial. See, it was our fifth Fleet Week together, and there I was, carrying him all over Creation.

[8:10] Sally Struthers: When we happened upon City Hall, he had to go make his bladder gladder. So I dragged him in there, and while he was taking his wee, I slipped the Kirk at 20, and the rest, as they say, is history.

[8:22] Ryan Wotherspoon: Got him back to the port on time, too.

[8:25] Sally Struthers: You mean he had to ship out again?

[8:28] Sally Struthers: Right after you'd been married?

[8:30] Ryan Wotherspoon: Young man, you don't know the half of it. Would you believe that not two months into our marriage, after a night of Iranian hookers and halal meats, petty officer Truitt fell off the damn USS Chinook.

[8:45] Sally Struthers: But the farm right there in the Arabian Sea, he did.

[8:48] Ryan Wotherspoon: Oh my, I'm so sorry.

[8:52] Sally Struthers: Oh, I'm the one that's sorry, young man. I spent the best years of my life loving a drunken fool.

[8:57] Sally Struthers: And his Navy pension check? Seems it's been earmarked for some baby mama off the coast of Red China.

[9:05] Sally Struthers: Anyway, that's when I started going to meetings. Enough was enough.

[9:10] Sally Struthers: This is Times Square. Maybe people aren't meant to be married, Mrs. Truitt. I mean, why would anyone put someone they love through that much pain?

[9:19] Sally Struthers: Sounds like a question only the good Lord can answer.

[9:23] Sally Struthers: Young man, did you say you were going to the Intrepid? Because we just passed 42nd Street. You missed your stop.

[9:31] Ryan Wotherspoon: You're right, Mrs. Truitt. I, I missed my stop.

[9:38] Ryan Wotherspoon: I've lost my way.

[9:40] Sally Struthers: I've lost my way.

[9:42] Ryan Wotherspoon: Laura and her parents will be waiting for you.

[9:45] Sally Struthers: No, Mrs. Truitt, I...

[9:48] Ryan Wotherspoon: You're right. I don't know who I am anymore.

[9:54] Sally Struthers: Can you come to the meeting?

[9:57] Ryan Wotherspoon: I'll come to the meeting.

[10:00] Sally Struthers: Good. But if you should remember who you are between now and when we get there, it's best not to give your full name at these things. Too many crazies running around.

[10:11] Sally Struthers: What a nice way to meet people. Now, I'll buy the first round, but after that, it's on you. Mrs. Truitt does not go Dutch.

[10:29] Brad Forenza: Around the Sun is written and directed by Brad Forenza, co-produced by Suzanne Ortiz-Curry and Brian Dashu, with sound design by Brandon Alexander Villarreal, conceptual art by Jean Epiphan, graphic design by Melanie Hibbert, and theme music by Shane Currie.

[10:41] Brad Forenza: If you enjoyed this episode, please like, share, and subscribe, and continue the conversation by using hashtag AroundTheSunPodcast.