This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:01] Broadwaysted!: T'was a holiday party at Kimberly's house, and all were invited, including her spouse.

[0:31] Bryan: And I and the Game Master pleasantly sat on the sofa with Kevin in his FSU hat.

[0:38] Kevin: E! Gods! The doorbell at this hour? On the eve of this unspecified winter holiday?

[0:43] Bryan: Special delivery for Broadwaysted! A last-minute holiday gift! And it's a big, bright, beautiful present!

[0:50] Kimberly: Who's sending us a gift like this?

[0:52] Kevin: I mean, Kevin, all good gifts around us are sent from Amazon.

[0:56] Bryan: Well, this one's from Gary, Indiana.

[0:58] Kevin: Gary, Indiana?

[0:59] Bryan: Gary, Indiana! All right, well, goodbye until tomorrow.

[1:02] Kimberly: So, a last-minute present for Broadwaysted?

[1:05] Bryan: I mean, why not? Tis the season, right? It's not a hard candy Christmas.

[1:08] Kimberly: So, here we go.

[1:15] Bryan: Here it is, boys!

[1:16] Kimberly: Here it is, world!

[1:17] Kevin: Here's...

[1:19] Bryan: A book?

[1:20] Kimberly: I bet it's from my friend Marion, the librarian.

[1:23] Kevin: So, what do we do with this book?

[1:25] Bryan: The only thing you can do in a situation like this.

[1:28] Kimberly: Open it, and read it out loud to one another.

[1:31] Bryan: And have it magically come alive with an all-star cast of Friends of the Show!

[1:35] Kevin: And we can each step into the story as an important featured character along the way!

[1:39] Bryan: Yeah, totally! Great idea, Kevin!

[1:42] Kimberly: Hey, could you quickly go and pour us another round before we start?

[1:46] Kevin: Yeah, yeah, of course! Hold on, I'm so excited!

[1:48] Bryan: Yeah, you team it!

[1:50] Kimberly: Brian, what's wrong?

[1:51] Bryan: I kinda cast the whole radio play and forgot to set a part aside for Kevin.

[1:55] Kimberly: Oh, Brian!

[1:56] Bryan: We're just gonna have to think of something. No more talk of darkness. Kevin's coming back!

[2:01] Kevin: All right, drinks are filled. Everyone ready?

[2:04] Kimberly: Wait, what's this thing called, anyway?

[2:06] Bryan: A Broad Wasted Carol!

[2:08] Kevin: Channing!

[2:09] Kimberly: What? Carol Channing?

[2:11] Bryan: I'm sorry, I can't say Carol without saying Channing. It's like a reflex.

[2:15] Kevin: Well, I mean, it does kinda have a ring to it. A Broad Wasted Carol Channing.

[2:19] Kimberly: Yeah!

[2:20] Bryan: No, we can't just change the title like this!

[2:22] Kevin: Shall we put it to a vote?

[2:24] Bryan: All in favor of changing the title to Brian's brilliant addition, say aye!

[2:28] Kimberly: Guys!

[2:29] Kevin: Aye!

[2:30] Bryan: With no further ado, we present to you, a Broad Wasted Carol, Channing!

[2:54] Kimberly: Charlie was dead. As dead as a doornail.

[2:57] Bryan: I'm sorry, is a doornail dead?

[2:59] Kimberly: I mean, how dead can an inanimate object be?

[3:02] Bryan: You have to have life at one point to be dead.

[3:04] Kimberly: And Jesus, that's a morbid way to start a holiday story.

[3:06] Bryan: Kimberly, please. Just let it go.

[3:08] Kimberly: Charlie was dead. As a doornail.

[3:11] Bryan: Just keep moving on.

[3:13] Kimberly: This must be established and believed, or nothing you will hear after this will be cool, boy.

[3:17] Bryan: Charlie was survived by his business partner, ticket-feeser Scrooge.

[3:21] Kimberly: Together, Charlie and Scrooge had been the most influential and ruthless theater critics in New York City.

[3:26] Bryan: They tore down countless productions with their words.

[3:28] Kimberly: But words fail, and since Charlie's death, Scrooge has lived a les miserables life,

[3:33] Bryan: alone in his writing office.

[3:35] Kimberly: Well, almost alone.

[3:37] Bryan: Except for his timid assistant, Bobby Cratchit.

[3:40] Kimberly: Bobby rose from his usual place in his own little corner, in his own little chair,

[3:44] Bryan: and meekly approached Scrooge's desk.

[3:47] Bobby: Um, uh, Mr. Scrooge?

[3:50] Scrooge: Yes, what is it, Cratchit?

[3:54] Bobby: Well, sir, it's just, I was thinking.

[3:57] Bobby: Seeing as tomorrow is a day of unspecified religious and economic importance

[4:02] Bobby: spent with family and friends, I was thinking I might leave early to...

[4:07] Kimberly: Before Cratchit could finish his request, two cheery and lovable figures appeared.

[4:11] Bryan: Two featured members of the ensemble.

[4:14] Kimberly: One might even call them the ensemble-ists.

[4:17] Bryan: Together, they burst into the office and commanded center stage.

[4:22] Ensemble: Scrooge and Charlie's...

[4:24] Ensemble: Do I have the pleasure of addressing Mr. Scrooge or Charlie?

[4:27] Ensemble: We tried Facebook stalking you, but neither of you have a clear profile pic.

[4:30] Ensemble: Mr. Charlie has been dead these past seven years.

[4:34] Ensemble: Oh. We're so sorry.

[4:36] Ensemble: When a loved one dies, we often feel as if we could have done more.

[4:40] Ensemble: Well, I say, what's the use of wondering?

[4:42] Ensemble: He was your partner and you loved him. That's all there is to that.

[4:46] Bryan: Cratchit, can you explain who sent in the clowns?

[4:50] Kimberly: Very funny. Very well played.

[4:53] Bryan: Everybody needs a good laugh in the holiday season.

[4:55] Kimberly: And everyone deserves support in their time of need.

[4:58] Bryan: So that's why we're here, going around to collect money for an important organization,

[5:02] Bryan: Broadway Cares Equity Fights AIDS.

[5:05] Ensemble: So, what can we put you down for?

[5:07] Scrooge: Nothing.

[5:08] Ensemble: You wish to remain anonymous.

[5:09] Scrooge: I wish to remain alone in the universe.

[5:12] Ensemble: Sir, at times like this, there are people who need our help.

[5:18] Scrooge: Are there no chain gangs? Are there no orphanages?

[5:21] Ensemble: Many refuse to go there, and many would rather die.

[5:24] Scrooge: Well, then I had better do it and decrease the standing room population.

[5:28] Scrooge: Now, good day.

[5:29] Ensemble: But, sir...

[5:30] Scrooge: Get out!

[5:31] Ensemble: Don't try to stop me, Horace! Please!

[5:32] Ensemble: Just wave your little hand and whisper,

[5:34] Ensemble: So long, dearie.

[5:35] Ensemble: Dearie should have said,

[5:36] Ensemble: So long, so long ago.

[5:40] Scrooge: Happy holidays.

[5:42] Ensemble: Jesus Christ, superstar.

[5:44] Scrooge: I'm tired of all these people thinking,

[5:46] Scrooge: It's the holiday season that I should feel compelled to empty my pockets,

[5:49] Scrooge: Or alleviate the burdens of others when they say,

[5:52] Scrooge: Give us your money.

[5:53] Scrooge: There's a fine, fine line, Bobby.

[5:55] Scrooge: Those two ensembles just don't get it, Cratchit.

[5:58] Scrooge: Feelings don't mean Jack Frost in this world.

[6:01] Scrooge: All that matters is money, money, money.

[6:04] Bobby: But, Mr. Scrooge...

[6:05] Scrooge: No more questions, please.

[6:07] Bobby: But it's the holidays, sir, and I'd like to spend tomorrow with my family.

[6:11] Scrooge: Take that look off your face.

[6:13] Scrooge: I can see through your smile.

[6:15] Scrooge: No, I know that I'm right.

[6:17] Scrooge: I bet you didn't sleep good last night.

[6:19] Scrooge: Couldn't wait to bring all of this holiday crap to my door.

[6:22] Scrooge: Well, I've got news for you.

[6:24] Scrooge: That's why you're poor.

[6:26] Scrooge: Poor, poor Pharaoh.

[6:27] Scrooge: What you gonna do?

[6:28] Scrooge: It's just one short day in the evergreen city.

[6:31] Scrooge: One short day full of so much to do.

[6:34] Scrooge: All right, all right.

[6:36] Scrooge: You can leave now.

[6:37] Bobby: Huh?

[6:38] Scrooge: And you can have the day off tomorrow.

[6:40] Bobby: Huh?

[6:41] Scrooge: But you need to take home my newest review and edit it,

[6:43] Scrooge: and have it ready to go on my desk first thing the following morning.

[6:45] Scrooge: And remember, make that coffee black.

[6:47] Bobby: Yes, sir, of course.

[6:49] Scrooge: So, um, who are you tearing apart this week?

[6:52] Bobby: The podcast Broad Wasted.

[6:54] Bobby: The article's called All the Broad Wasted Time.

[6:57] Bobby: Once the public reads this,

[6:58] Bobby: the Broad Wasted crew won't even be allowed to look at a microphone ever again.

[7:02] Scrooge: I can't wait to...

[7:04] Ensemble: Hello, Uncle.

[7:06] Kimberly: Scrooge's niece, Fred, had come bursting in like Mary Lennox

[7:10] Kimberly: after she found the key in the door to the secret garden.

[7:12] Bryan: I'm sorry.

[7:13] Bryan: Did you say Scrooge's niece, Fred?

[7:15] Kimberly: We changed it to niece, but we kept Fred?

[7:18] Bryan: Yep.

[7:19] Kimberly: It's just, that name doesn't really seem to fit her.

[7:22] Bryan: Lady, that's my life story.

[7:25] Fred: Happy holidays, Uncle Scrooge.

[7:27] Scrooge: The holidays.

[7:29] Scrooge: Zootabah humbug.

[7:31] Fred: Come, Uncle.

[7:32] Fred: We need a little Christmas.

[7:33] Fred: Right this very minute.

[7:35] Scrooge: Someone drown out this nonsense.

[7:37] Scrooge: Where's that boy with the bugle?

[7:39] Fred: Forget about the boy, Uncle.

[7:41] Fred: Come.

[7:42] Fred: Join me and my husband for a holiday feast tomorrow.

[7:45] Fred: If you came, we'd be delighted.

[7:47] Fred: It would be de-lovely.

[7:49] Scrooge: Fred, my niece, you have extended this invitation every year,

[7:53] Scrooge: and I have turned you down every year.

[7:56] Scrooge: I'm obnoxious and disliked.

[7:58] Fred: Did you know that?

[8:00] Scrooge: I hadn't heard.

[8:01] Scrooge: Why must you continue to torment me by asking every year?

[8:04] Fred: Because I know you're going to say yes one time when I ask.

[8:07] Fred: It won't be long now, I guarantee.

[8:09] Scrooge: I know it's today.

[8:11] Fred: I think you should go.

[8:12] Scrooge: And I am telling you, I'm not going.

[8:14] Scrooge: Little girl.

[8:15] Fred: Hey.

[8:16] Fred: The door.

[8:17] Fred: It's that way.

[8:18] Scrooge: But at this time of year, Uncle, ain't it good to know you've got a friend?

[8:21] Scrooge: I don't need a friend.

[8:22] Scrooge: And I don't need the holidays.

[8:24] Scrooge: And I don't need you barging in here and bothering me while I'm trying to work.

[8:28] Scrooge: Now get out and stay out.

[8:30] Fred: Dinner is tomorrow at eight.

[8:32] Fred: My husband would really like to meet you.

[8:34] Scrooge: Why did you get married, Fred?

[8:35] Fred: Because I fell in love.

[8:37] Scrooge: Love is a many-splendored thing.

[8:39] Scrooge: Love lifts us up where we belong.

[8:41] Scrooge: All you need is love.

[8:43] Fred: Please, don't start that again.

[8:45] Scrooge: You're just at the I love you, you're perfect phase.

[8:48] Scrooge: Just wait for the now change part.

[8:51] Fred: Can't it just be I love you because?

[8:53] Scrooge: No.

[8:54] Scrooge: Now.

[8:55] Scrooge: Good day, Fred.

[8:56] Fred: Happy holidays, Cratchit.

[8:57] Bobby: Happy holidays, Fred.

[8:59] Fred: Seasons of love, Uncle.

[9:00] Scrooge: Zootoba humbug.

[9:03] Fred: So, I guess I'll be going now.

[9:06] Fred: The revised copy of all the broad-wasted time better be on my desk earlier than first thing the day after tomorrow.

[9:12] Scrooge: What's earlier than first thing?

[9:14] Fred: Way back in the day.

[9:15] Scrooge: Now, get out of here, Cratchit.

[9:17] Bobby: Thank you, sir.

[9:18] Bobby: And a very happy...

[9:19] Scrooge: Cratchit!

[9:20] Bobby: Happy day by day.

[9:24] Scrooge: Day by day.

[9:26] Scrooge: Oh, dear Lord.

[9:28] Scrooge: And another hundred people just applied for your job.

[9:30] Scrooge: Okay, I'm going.

[9:31] Scrooge: The holidays.

[9:33] Scrooge: Zootoba humbug.

[9:37] Bryan: Scrooge walked the snowy streets of the theater district of New York City on his way to his nearby penthouse apartment.

[9:43] Bryan: He could have taken a yellow cab or an Uber, but walking was cheap and Scrooge preferred his money to stay in one place, in his pocket.

[9:51] Kimberly: As he approached the door of his apartment building and waited for the doorman, he felt a strong chill in the air.

[9:57] Scrooge: Where's the doorman?

[9:58] Scrooge: This is ridiculous.

[10:00] Scrooge: I'm calling the co-op board.

[10:07] Scrooge: Happy holidays.

[10:08] Scrooge: We're closed for renovations over the holiday season, so leave a message.

[10:13] Scrooge: You know what makes me crazy?

[10:15] Scrooge: I'm sorry, can I say this?

[10:16] Scrooge: You know what makes me nuts?

[10:18] Scrooge: The fact that I have to pay a doorman, pay a doorman to work at night, work all the time, but now I'm alone.

[10:25] Scrooge: And there is no doorman.

[10:26] Scrooge: No, there's not.

[10:28] Scrooge: But that's exactly what is happening.

[10:31] Scrooge: Have I said too much?

[10:32] Scrooge: There's nothing more I can think of to say to them.

[10:35] Scrooge: Well, I guess I better just grab the handle myself.

[10:38] Bryan: Scrooge reached for the door, the antique door with the elaborate knocker with a face of a lion, a lion king, if you will.

[10:45] Bryan: The Lion King knocker right in front of his eyes suddenly seemed to change and come alive.

[10:51] Scrooge: Take care, Jesus.

[10:55] Scrooge: Charlie, my old partner.

[10:59] Bryan: And just like that, the face of Scrooge's old partner, Charlie, was gone and the knocker had returned to normal.

[11:05] Scrooge: I know the truth. Scrooge was shook, but he stayed strong, holding to the ground.

[11:10] Scrooge: Zootaba humbug.

[11:12] Bryan: Scrooge unlocked the door and entered the apartment building, quickly closing the door behind him.

[11:16] Bryan: And just for one moment, he stopped to check for Charlie's man bun in the back of the doorframe.

[11:21] Scrooge: Man buns. Zootaba humbug.

[11:25] Bryan: Scrooge ascended the darkened staircase and slowly made his way to his apartment.

[11:29] Bryan: He could have lit the flashlight on his iPhone, but darkness was cheap and Scrooge liked it.

[11:34] Bryan: Scrooge entered his apartment and proceeded his nightly routine.

[11:37] Bryan: He stripped out of his clothes and put on his pajamas and gypsy robe and ordered Chinese food on Seamless.

[11:42] Bryan: And just like every night, after he placed his order, he immediately called the restaurant.

[11:47] Scrooge: Hello. This is... Yes, it's ticket-feeser Scrooge.

[11:53] Scrooge: I just wanted to remind you that the buzzer from my apartment doesn't work,

[11:57] Scrooge: so the delivery boy needs to call my cell when he's downstairs and I'll push the button to let him in.

[12:01] Scrooge: And if he's not here in the next ten minutes, there's no tip.

[12:05] Bryan: Scrooge sat down to wait for his food in silence, just like any other night. Only.

[12:10] Bryan: The buzzer of Scrooge's door, the buzzer that had been broken for more than ten years,

[12:19] Bryan: suddenly began going off repeatedly. Scrooge's initial shock turned to outrage.

[12:24] Scrooge: I told him to have the delivery boy call me, though this is incredibly fast service for once.

[12:28] Scrooge: Yes. Hello.

[12:31] Scrooge: Damn thing's still broken. Hello. Hello.

[12:37] Scrooge: Ticket-feeser Scrooge.

[12:41] Bryan: It sounded as if the entire chain gang was climbing the stairs to Scrooge's apartment.

[12:46] Scrooge: I, uh... I'm sure it's just a noisy neighbor.

[12:50] Scrooge: That girl in 14G. I wish she'd learn to sing the chain melody.

[12:55] Scrooge: Ticket-feeser Scrooge.

[13:00] Scrooge: Whoever you are, Zootoba Humbug, I'm not afraid of anything.

[13:04] Scrooge: Mountains, dragons, water, dark orb, unearthly voices and rattling chains.

[13:09] Scrooge: Be gone with you, Zootoba Humbug.

[13:12] Scrooge: Ticket-feeser Scrooge.

[13:15] Michael Cerveris: God on high, you just walked through the wall!

[13:22] Michael Cerveris: Whatever you are, you can't be of this earth.

[13:24] Michael Cerveris: No, screwed, I'm a ghost.

[13:26] Michael Cerveris: The musical.

[13:27] Michael Cerveris: What?

[13:28] Michael Cerveris: Oh, never mind, forget it.

[13:29] Michael Cerveris: Cause we all did zing!

[13:30] Michael Cerveris: Wait, I remember that cutting remark.

[13:34] Michael Cerveris: That was from my review.

[13:37] Michael Cerveris: Who are you?

[13:39] Michael Cerveris: Ask me who I was.

[13:40] Michael Cerveris: Wow, who called the semantics police?

[13:43] Michael Cerveris: Who were you then?

[13:45] Michael Cerveris: In life, I was a famous author, Charlie Dickens, and for the purpose of this story, apparently your partner.

[13:49] Michael Cerveris: Charlie Dickens?

[13:52] Michael Cerveris: My old partner?

[13:54] Michael Cerveris: Oh, okay.

[13:57] Michael Cerveris: So this is the part I'm confused about.

[13:59] Michael Cerveris: Do theater critics have partners?

[14:01] Michael Cerveris: And why would I be a theater critic when I'm a famous author?

[14:05] Michael Cerveris: Charlie, if you didn't resurrect to say your lines and cooperate with the story, why did you even appear at all?

[14:10] Michael Cerveris: Because frankly, I'm not too happy with your interpretation of my classic story.

[14:14] Michael Cerveris: I mean, we're only in the first part and already you're taking all these liberties.

[14:18] Michael Cerveris: I mean, I value my work.

[14:20] Michael Cerveris: Okay.

[14:21] Michael Cerveris: I worked hard on this story and you're just having your way with a Christmas carol.

[14:25] Michael Cerveris: Channing!

[14:26] Michael Cerveris: Who the hell is that?

[14:27] Michael Cerveris: Sorry, I can't help it. Continue.

[14:29] Michael Cerveris: This has gone on long enough.

[14:30] Michael Cerveris: I mean, you don't see anyone taking all of a twist and turning it into a family-friendly musical, do you?

[14:36] Michael Cerveris: Well, actually...

[14:38] Michael Cerveris: What?

[14:39] Michael Cerveris: Seriously?

[14:40] Michael Cerveris: That's just great.

[14:41] Michael Cerveris: I thought you were going to tell me something crazy, like someone, I don't know, took something I didn't even finish writing and made it some kind of choose-your-own-adventure farce.

[14:49] Michael Cerveris: You know what, Charlie? Maybe you shouldn't think about it.

[14:51] Michael Cerveris: A man could go quite mad.

[14:54] Michael Cerveris: Let's just get on with the script.

[14:56] Michael Cerveris: Ticket fees are scrooge.

[15:00] Michael Cerveris: We were two kinsmen in life, but now, in my death, I have learned that no good can come from bad.

[15:08] Michael Cerveris: The wages of sin are high, and lead along the garden path to hell.

[15:15] Michael Cerveris: You must see the writing on the wall, scrooge, before it's too late.

[15:19] Michael Cerveris: Look at the chains I wear that I forged in life.

[15:22] Michael Cerveris: But Charlie, is that...

[15:24] Michael Cerveris: Yes, I wear the chandelier from the Phantom of the Opera.

[15:27] Michael Cerveris: This was the art life's way of settling up the score.

[15:31] Michael Cerveris: Your chains were as big as this chandelier seven holidays ago.

[15:34] Michael Cerveris: They have since grown like a wild rosebud.

[15:38] Michael Cerveris: Surely you didn't just come here to frighten me and prophesize my doom?

[15:42] Michael Cerveris: If you did, then we might as well make your mergerer's confession now, because this news is killing me.

[15:50] Michael Cerveris: Please, Charlie, speak some comfort to me.

[15:53] Michael Cerveris: I've come to give you a chance to avoid my fate.

[15:57] Michael Cerveris: You shall be visited by three spirits.

[15:59] Michael Cerveris: The first will appear just before moonfall.

[16:02] Michael Cerveris: The second, just before moonfall reprise.

[16:05] Michael Cerveris: The third...

[16:06] Michael Cerveris: Charlie, are these three spirits the chance you spoke of?

[16:10] Michael Cerveris: Yes.

[16:10] Michael Cerveris: Well, then I think I'd rather not.

[16:14] Michael Cerveris: My time grows short, Ticketfeaser.

[16:16] Michael Cerveris: You must learn that there's more to life than money and writing scathing reviews of amazing podcasts like Broadwasted.

[16:23] Michael Cerveris: And wait, why is there a theater critic reviewing a podcast?

[16:27] Michael Cerveris: I thought you said your time was short.

[16:29] Michael Cerveris: We must see both sides of the coin, Ticketfeaser.

[16:32] Michael Cerveris: You must discover where is love.

[16:35] Michael Cerveris: Consider yourself warned, Scrooge.

[16:38] Michael Cerveris: Really, try reviewing the situation before your finale.

[16:43] Michael Cerveris: Now I must go.

[16:45] Michael Cerveris: Expect the first spirit at moonfall.

[16:47] Michael Cerveris: Cheer up, Charlie.

[16:49] Michael Cerveris: Give us a smile.

[16:50] Michael Cerveris: My time is up.

[16:51] Michael Cerveris: I must go.

[16:52] Michael Cerveris: FIERRO!

[16:56] Michael Cerveris: Sorry.

[16:57] Michael Cerveris: Ticketfeaser!

[16:58] Michael Cerveris: Charlie opened a new window and disappeared into the night.

[17:06] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge ran to the window to watch and saw outside an entire ensemble of ghosts flying through the streets.

[17:11] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge saw Charlie float down to a young girl struggling to bundle up under her small, thin blanket on the street.

[17:17] Michael Cerveris: She was in the Dear Evan Hansen standby line for the following morning.

[17:21] Michael Cerveris: And try as he may, Charlie couldn't do anything to warm her up.

[17:24] Michael Cerveris: But like a great comet pulled out of orbit as it passes the sun, Charlie was forced to move on and join the other ghosts before the ghosts' parade passed him by.

[17:33] Michael Cerveris: Zootoba Hamburg.

[17:36] Michael Cerveris: Hello?

[17:37] Michael Cerveris: Oh, yes, the Chinese food.

[17:41] Michael Cerveris: You're downstairs?

[17:42] Michael Cerveris: Good.

[17:43] Michael Cerveris: I'll push the buzzer to let you in.

[17:45] Michael Cerveris: And you better have my egg roll, Mr. Goldstone.

[17:48] Michael Cerveris: What was that?

[17:50] Michael Cerveris: Was that him?

[17:51] Michael Cerveris: Was that me?

[17:53] Michael Cerveris: Did a ghost really visit me?

[17:55] Michael Cerveris: Just visit me?

[17:57] Michael Cerveris: And did I visit back?

[17:59] Michael Cerveris: Was Scrooge wrong?

[18:00] Michael Cerveris: Was he mad?

[18:01] Michael Cerveris: Was that all?

[18:02] Michael Cerveris: Did Charlie miss him?

[18:03] Michael Cerveris: Was he suddenly getting bored with him?

[18:05] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge pushed the encounter with Charlie out of his mind, and he ate his Chinese quickly and quietly, though he did glance more than once at the window, just in case.

[18:14] Michael Cerveris: After suppertime, he watched New York Ones on stage and quickly retired to his bedroom for the evening.

[18:20] Michael Cerveris: Outside, Scrooge heard the soft voice of a caroler singing of the holiday only hours away from arriving.

[18:25] Michael Cerveris: Can't you spare a dime or two?

[18:30] Michael Cerveris: Here but for the grace of God go you.

[18:33] Michael Cerveris: You'll be merry, I'll be merry, though merry ain't in my vocabulary.

[18:40] Michael Cerveris: No sleigh bells, no Santa Claus, no yule log, no tinsel, no holly, no hearth, no Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, no room at the Holiday Inn, oh no, and it's beginning to snow.

[19:06] Michael Cerveris: Go away and sing for your supper somewhere else.

[19:08] Michael Cerveris: Please, sir. Can you spare anything for a cold and hungry beggar on this joyous holiday eve?

[19:14] Michael Cerveris: Pennies or nickels or dimes?

[19:18] Michael Cerveris: All I'm asking for is change.

[19:20] Michael Cerveris: You better scram now or I'll call Officer Krupke.

[19:23] Michael Cerveris: All right, I'm going, I'm going.

[19:25] Michael Cerveris: Happy holidays to you too, old man.

[19:28] Michael Cerveris: Zootabah, humbug, you riffraff, get out of here, street rat.

[19:34] Michael Cerveris: Riffraff?

[19:35] Michael Cerveris: Street rat?

[19:37] Michael Cerveris: I don't buy that.

[19:39] Michael Cerveris: If only they'd look closer.

[19:42] Michael Cerveris: Would they see a poor boy?

[19:44] Michael Cerveris: No siree.

[19:45] Michael Cerveris: They'd find out there's so much more to it.

[19:49] Michael Cerveris: I seriously just called Cops the musical.

[19:51] Michael Cerveris: There was a Cops the musical?

[19:53] Michael Cerveris: Yeah, it was in pre-production or at least in the reading phase at some point.

[19:56] Michael Cerveris: Wow, they'll write a musical about anything.

[19:59] Michael Cerveris: Next, they'll write a musical just about writing a musical.

[20:01] Michael Cerveris: Title of show?

[20:02] Michael Cerveris: I don't know, something like show where we write a show at the same time.

[20:07] Michael Cerveris: Anyway, Scrooge quickly shut the light off and turned the bed down and thought once more of the scene with Charlie.

[20:13] Michael Cerveris: Isn't it funny you believed that it was real?

[20:16] Michael Cerveris: Pretty funny.

[20:18] Michael Cerveris: That whole event was just a movie in my mind.

[20:22] Michael Cerveris: What if the world were like the movies?

[20:25] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge closed his eyes and began to drift off to sleep when suddenly it's that caroler again.

[20:31] Michael Cerveris: It's time, Ticket Feezel, for you to remember once upon a December.

[20:40] Michael Cerveris: Who do you think you are barging in on me in my boudoir?

[20:44] Michael Cerveris: I am the toast of Broadway Pass.

[20:48] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge's bedroom began to melt away as the years flew back.

[20:51] Michael Cerveris: I can see it shining somewhere.

[20:54] Michael Cerveris: Bright lights somewhere invite me to come there and learn.

[20:59] Michael Cerveris: And I'm ready.

[21:01] Michael Cerveris: Are you sure you're ready?

[21:04] Michael Cerveris: I can show you a world shining, shimmering, splendid.

[21:10] Michael Cerveris: I'm ready.

[21:24] Michael Cerveris: Ticket Feezer, Ticket Feezer, open your eyes.

[21:29] Michael Cerveris: You haven't opened them since we arrived.

[21:32] Michael Cerveris: I can't.

[21:33] Michael Cerveris: Why not?

[21:33] Michael Cerveris: I'm afraid.

[21:36] Michael Cerveris: Of your past?

[21:36] Michael Cerveris: But Scrooge, all I can show you are shadows of the things that have already been.

[21:42] Michael Cerveris: We cannot be harmed by what has already happened.

[21:45] Michael Cerveris: But I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts.

[21:48] Michael Cerveris: Pretend I'm something better than this mess that I am so I don't have to look at it and no one gets to look at it.

[21:54] Michael Cerveris: No, no one can really see.

[21:56] Michael Cerveris: You're right, Ticket Feezer.

[21:59] Michael Cerveris: No one can see until they open their eyes.

[22:05] Michael Cerveris: And you've been given a chance to find a way back to then.

[22:10] Michael Cerveris: So give it a chance and tell me, who is that small boy sitting on the bleachers alone?

[22:16] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge opened his eyes and found himself in a place he hadn't thought of in a long time.

[22:21] Michael Cerveris: A place he had truly blocked away in his mind.

[22:24] Michael Cerveris: Do you know where we are, Ticket Feezer?

[22:27] Michael Cerveris: Know it? I'd recognize it blindfolded.

[22:31] Michael Cerveris: This was the camp I attended as a child.

[22:34] Michael Cerveris: A sports ball camp.

[22:37] Michael Cerveris: But you're not playing sports ball with the other children, are you?

[22:42] Michael Cerveris: No. I'm sitting and watching children play sports ball.

[22:48] Michael Cerveris: I'm watching children play sports ball.

[22:51] Michael Cerveris: I'm watching Jewish boys who cannot play sports ball play sports ball.

[22:56] Michael Cerveris: You just couldn't get your, get your, get your head in the game, though, could you?

[23:03] Michael Cerveris: No. There was no I in T-E-A-M for me, for I belonged in the theater.

[23:12] Michael Cerveris: Um, there's no I in theater?

[23:14] Michael Cerveris: Acting. There's an I in acting.

[23:17] Michael Cerveris: Yeah, okay. It's a stretch, but I'll give it to you.

[23:21] Michael Cerveris: I know this is a dark, you know well, Ticket Feezer.

[23:24] Michael Cerveris: But behold, this memory is not as dark as it may seem.

[23:30] Michael Cerveris: Do you know this funny girl who seems to be running up to you filled with excitement?

[23:35] Michael Cerveris: Ticket! Ticket! Oh, Ticket Feezer!

[23:38] Michael Cerveris: Oh, Spirit, it's my little sister, Fanny.

[23:42] Michael Cerveris: Why did you call her a funny girl?

[23:44] Michael Cerveris: Well, if a girl isn't pretty.

[23:47] Michael Cerveris: My love makes her beautiful. She was the greatest star.

[23:52] Michael Cerveris: Spirit, a person who needed people.

[23:55] Michael Cerveris: She was one of the luckiest people in the world.

[23:59] Michael Cerveris: Oh, Ticket, I've come to take you home for good.

[24:03] Michael Cerveris: Father is ever so much kinder now, and he's tried to make me happy.

[24:06] Michael Cerveris: But I've told him I'd rather be blue over you than be happy with somebody else.

[24:12] Michael Cerveris: And for once, he didn't rain on my parade.

[24:15] Michael Cerveris: He actually agreed with me and said you could come home, home to Henry Street.

[24:21] Michael Cerveris: Oh, Fanny, what a lovely holiday surprise.

[24:23] Michael Cerveris: And look at you all grown up. Who are you now?

[24:26] Michael Cerveris: The little duckling is turning into the swan.

[24:28] Michael Cerveris: Come, I have a car service outside. Let's go out and celebrate.

[24:33] Michael Cerveris: I want to be seen with you tonight.

[24:35] Michael Cerveris: Let's just enjoy being together for this special season and find a place filled with the music that makes me dance.

[24:46] Michael Cerveris: She died young, your sister, Fanny.

[24:48] Michael Cerveris: Yes, she did.

[24:50] Michael Cerveris: Sometimes people leave you halfway through the wood.

[24:56] Michael Cerveris: Do not let it grieve you, for no one leaves for good.

[25:00] Michael Cerveris: And Fanny left behind a child.

[25:02] Michael Cerveris: Yes, my niece, Fred.

[25:07] Michael Cerveris: She has her eyes.

[25:09] Michael Cerveris: She has my Fanny's hazel eyes, the eyes that closed and left me all alone.

[25:18] Michael Cerveris: I just...

[25:19] Michael Cerveris: What is it?

[25:20] Michael Cerveris: I just wish I'd been nicer to my niece when I saw her today, that's all.

[25:25] Michael Cerveris: Now, please, there must be other memories to visit in these shadowlands.

[25:30] Michael Cerveris: Yes, let us visit another holiday season some years later when you are no longer a boy, but a young man.

[25:40] Michael Cerveris: The gymnasium melted away and Scrooge and the Toast of Broadway Past were transported through time.

[25:46] Michael Cerveris: As the space around him materialized, Scrooge immediately recognized the room from his past as if he had just been there yesterday.

[25:53] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge and the spirit were standing in a large, warm room cluttered with furniture covered in drawings, playbills, and papers.

[26:00] Michael Cerveris: An excited energy seemed to permeate the air and bring old Scrooge to life as he skipped around the space, taking everything in.

[26:07] Michael Cerveris: Do you know this place, Ticket Feezer?

[26:09] Michael Cerveris: Know it? It's the Lights of Broadway Show Cards Workshop.

[26:13] Michael Cerveris: I interned here as a young man.

[26:17] Michael Cerveris: There, there I am now.

[26:19] Michael Cerveris: Into the room strode an attractive man full of life and vitality. He was carrying a clipboard and moving too fast as he frantically spoke into the phone.

[26:27] Michael Cerveris: Yes, I wanted that next shipment of cards sent out this week.

[39:46] Michael Cerveris: Are you the second spirit of whose coming I was foretold?

[39:55] Bryan Pawlowski: I am. I am the toast of Broadway present.

[39:59] Michael Cerveris: He was a giant, majestic man clad in a coat of many colors.

[40:03] Bryan Pawlowski: How he loved his coat of many colors.

[40:05] Michael Cerveris: It was red and yellow and green and white.

[40:08] Bryan Pawlowski: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Many colors. They get it.

[40:10] Michael Cerveris: Take my hand, Ticketfeaser, and I'll lead you to salvation.

[40:14] Bryan Pawlowski: Whose salvation?

[40:15] Michael Cerveris: Yours. Yours. Yours.

[40:19] Bryan Pawlowski: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[40:22] Michael Cerveris: And with that, off they soared through the window and into the sky.

[40:25] Bryan Pawlowski: They seemed to quickly change from night to day.

[40:35] Michael Cerveris: When they touched down on the ground, they were in the middle of a vibrant and bustling marketplace filled with people laughing, smiling, and looking around excitedly.

[40:43] Bryan Pawlowski: Spirit, what's this?

[40:44] Michael Cerveris: This is the Broadway Flea Market.

[40:47] Bryan Pawlowski: One of the many exciting and important events that Broadway Cares, Equity Fights AIDS organizes and puts on every year to help those less fortunate.

[40:56] Michael Cerveris: For me, when I'm at the Broadway Flea Market, that's when I know the holiday season is finally beginning.

[41:03] Bryan Pawlowski: This is incredible, Spirit. So many things to see.

[41:08] Michael Cerveris: Look over there. Oh, my God, how very odd.

[41:11] Bryan Pawlowski: And what might they be? Something splendid, maybe.

[41:14] Michael Cerveris: Ha, ha, ha. Look over here. Can you bust?

[41:17] Bryan Pawlowski: Isn't it just bedazzling, gazing, utterly amazing?

[41:22] Michael Cerveris: Gazing round, it's like to die.

[41:25] Bryan Pawlowski: Yes, but all these people spending money, opening their pockets like this and just...

[41:29] Michael Cerveris: Spreading love.

[41:35] Bryan Pawlowski: It's true what they say, Ticket Feaser. It's in the singing of the street corner choir.

[41:40] Michael Cerveris: It's going home and getting warmed by the fire.

[41:43] Bryan Pawlowski: It's true, wherever you find love, it feels like the holidays.

[41:47] Michael Cerveris: And there's no more love anywhere in the world than here.

[41:52] Bryan Pawlowski: Well, actually, I can think of one more place.

[41:56] Michael Cerveris: Come on!

[41:57] Bryan Pawlowski: The Broadway Flea Market melted away to darkness, then lights up on Washington Heights up at the break of...

[42:03] Kevin Jaeger: Brian, seriously?

[42:05] Bryan Pawlowski: Hey, Kevin, my name is Brian Pawlowski, and I think I'm a linoholic, or an alkalin...

[42:12] Kevin Jaeger: No, a linoholic works.

[42:14] Bryan Pawlowski: Let's just continue the story.

[42:16] Kevin Jaeger: Actually, I have to go prep for my part. It's coming up.

[42:19] Bryan Pawlowski: Oh, right. Well, break a leg.

[42:21] Kevin Jaeger: Thanks.

[42:22] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge looked up at the old, run-down apartment building down in Washington Heights and then looked back, confused.

[42:28] Bryan Pawlowski: Spirit, why have you brought me here to this place?

[42:32] Michael Cerveris: Above Central Park, no less. I don't know anyone above 96th Street.

[42:36] Bryan Pawlowski: Oh, you don't, huh? Well, how about the man coming down the street with his young boy on his shoulders?

[42:43] Michael Cerveris: Is that...?

[42:44] Bryan Pawlowski: Yes, it is. It's my assistant, Bobby Cratchit.

[42:49] Michael Cerveris: I didn't know he had a son.

[42:51] Bryan Pawlowski: What are they doing?

[42:53] Michael Cerveris: It looks like they're having fun.

[42:56] Bryan Pawlowski: Wherever we go, whatever we do, we're gonna go through it together.

[43:01] Michael Cerveris: We may not go far, but sure as a star, wherever we are, it's together.

[43:06] Bryan Pawlowski: Wherever I go, I know he goes.

[43:19] Michael Cerveris: No fits, no fights, no feuds, and no egos.

[43:27] Bryan Pawlowski: Amigos.

[43:29] Michael Cerveris: Together.

[43:31] Bryan Pawlowski: Tap solo.

[43:33] Michael Cerveris: Wow.

[43:34] Bryan Pawlowski: Yes, honey.

[43:36] Michael Cerveris: A triple tap step.

[43:40] Bryan Pawlowski: It's okay, it's okay.

[43:42] Michael Cerveris: It's all right, Tapping Tim.

[43:44] Bryan Pawlowski: You're okay, you're okay.

[43:46] Michael Cerveris: Here, back you go on my shoulder.

[43:49] Bryan Pawlowski: I can almost do it, Papa.

[43:51] Michael Cerveris: Papa, can you hear me?

[43:54] Bryan Pawlowski: Papa, did you see me? I almost did the whole dance, just like Billy Elliot.

[44:02] Michael Cerveris: You did it, Tapping Tim. I saw you, and one day you'll be even better than Billy Elliot.

[44:08] Bryan Pawlowski: No one will be able to stop the beat when you start dancing, I promise.

[44:12] Michael Cerveris: But for today, Tim, I think we should at least take an equity 10, don't you?

[44:17] Bryan Pawlowski: That's 10 minutes, folks. Thank you, 10.

[44:20] Michael Cerveris: One day, Papa, I'll be an even better dancer in a few years.

[44:24] Bryan Pawlowski: Right, Papa? Like in six years?

[44:28] Michael Cerveris: How old will I be in six years?

[44:31] Bryan Pawlowski: You'll be 13.

[44:33] Michael Cerveris: 13!

[44:35] Bryan Pawlowski: Sorry, continue.

[44:37] Michael Cerveris: Don't worry, Papa. I'll be so much better.

[44:41] Bryan Pawlowski: I'll be so much better.

[44:43] Michael Cerveris: I'll be so much better than before.

[44:46] Bryan Pawlowski: Right, Papa? Come on, Tim. Let's get inside. The others will be waiting for us.

[44:53] Michael Cerveris: Spirit, what's wrong with Cratchit's son, Tapping Tim?

[44:57] Bryan Pawlowski: I don't know. They don't ever really make it clear in the book.

[45:01] Michael Cerveris: So let's just say he has whatever Fosca had in passion that made her super sick and on the verge of death.

[45:06] Bryan Pawlowski: Depression, loneliness, and a broken heart?

[45:09] Michael Cerveris: Okay, let's just say he has really bad pneumonia. But come on, Scrooge. Let's see what the Cratchit family's doing for the holidays.

[45:15] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge and the Toast of Broadway Present floated up in the air and seemed to pass through the wall of a building and into a small but cozy apartment.

[45:25] Bryan Pawlowski: A sweet but tired woman entered the room, smiling.

[45:28] Michael Cerveris: Come children, Mary, Colin, Dickon, let's get this place tidied up. Your sister Martha will be home soon, then your father and Tapping Tim. And if we don't clean this place, there won't be room for all of us.

[45:40] Bryan Pawlowski: But Mother, it's the holidays. We don't want to clean.

[45:43] Michael Cerveris: It's not the holidays until everything is ready and everyone is home. Now get the lemon pledge and dust the, they should be facing the same direction. When he gets up here, he wants it ready. We have to get it done before he wants, he wants, he wants.

[45:54] Bryan Pawlowski: Martha!

[45:56] Michael Cerveris: Happy holidays, everyone.

[45:57] Bryan Pawlowski: Welcome home, Martha.

[45:59] Michael Cerveris: Happy holidays, Mother. What did you bring us?

[46:01] Bryan Pawlowski: Colin, your sister just walked in the door. Give her a moment to breathe before you start picking her pockets.

[46:06] Michael Cerveris: Martha, please.

[46:08] Bryan Pawlowski: Well, if I had a fine white horse, I'd take you for a ride today. But since I have no fine white horse, inside we'll have to stay. Now off you go. Help get everything ready for Father coming home with Tim. Go.

[46:22] Michael Cerveris: They're coming. I can see them coming up the street from the window.

[46:26] Bryan Pawlowski: Hide, Martha, hide.

[46:27] Michael Cerveris: Shh, shh, shh.

[46:29] Bryan Pawlowski: Oh, my goodness. Shh, shh.

[46:31] Michael Cerveris: Shh.

[46:32] Bryan Pawlowski: Oh, hello, everyone.

[46:34] Michael Cerveris: My dear wife, Colin, Dickon, Mary.

[46:39] Bryan Pawlowski: Wait, where's Martha?

[46:41] Michael Cerveris: Here, sit down, love. Dickon, take Tim outside to the garden.

[46:44] Bryan Pawlowski: You mean the fire escape?

[46:46] Michael Cerveris: Yes. Come on, Tim. I'll teach you how to know when the thing is wick.

[46:50] Bryan Pawlowski: What is it? What's wrong?

[46:52] Michael Cerveris: Martha's not coming, Papa.

[46:54] Bryan Pawlowski: Not coming? Not coming for the holidays?

[46:57] Michael Cerveris: She's not here.

[46:58] Bryan Pawlowski: She's not here.

[46:59] Michael Cerveris: Love, I know you know.

[47:01] Bryan Pawlowski: Here I am, Papa.

[47:03] Michael Cerveris: Oh, Martha. I couldn't let you be sad for one more second. Of course I've come home. And I have to say, it feels amazing to be back in this place.

[47:13] Bryan Pawlowski: I forgot how it felt to live in a big place.

[47:16] Michael Cerveris: Spirit, did she just call this place big?

[47:21] Bryan Pawlowski: She can't be serious.

[47:23] Michael Cerveris: It's her home, Scrooge. Home should be where the heart is.

[47:28] Bryan Pawlowski: Never were words so true. Martha, would you mind helping your siblings get cleaned up for dinner? Everything's almost ready.

[47:34] Michael Cerveris: All right, you monsters.

[47:35] Bryan Pawlowski: Martha, careful the things you say. Children will listen.

[47:38] Michael Cerveris: Let's go, munchkins. Let's get cleaned up for dinner.

[47:44] Bryan Pawlowski: How was Tim?

[47:46] Michael Cerveris: As good as gold and better. He said he hoped people saw him and knew that he believes every new day he gets to experience is a wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles.

[47:58] Bryan Pawlowski: Oh, Tim.

[48:01] Michael Cerveris: Daddy.

[48:02] Bryan Pawlowski: Hey, Daddy, come here, okay? I need you.

[48:05] Michael Cerveris: Wait. What's wrong, Papa?

[48:08] Bryan Pawlowski: Nothing. I'm just happy to have everyone home.

[48:11] Michael Cerveris: Don't worry, Papa. Some things are meant to be. The tide turning endlessly. The way it takes hold of me no matter what I do.

[48:23] Bryan Pawlowski: And some things will never die. The promise of who you are. Your memories when I am far from you.

[48:34] Michael Cerveris: All right, Tim. Let's get you into your seat. Let's go, everyone. It's supper time.

[48:39] Bryan Pawlowski: What a remarkable boy, Tapping Tim. Spirit, tell me, will he live?

[48:47] Michael Cerveris: If these circumstances remained unaltered, let's just say no one will be calling Tapping Tim the boy who lived. He's a cursed child.

[48:54] Bryan Pawlowski: He can't die. There must be some other way. Are there no orphanages? Are there no chain gangs?

[49:02] Michael Cerveris: Sure. Don't mock me now, I pray. A child could die.

[49:05] Bryan Pawlowski: Well, if he'd rather die, then he'd better do it and decrease the standing room population. Come, everyone. Before we eat, let's say a blessing.

[49:12] Michael Cerveris: But, Mother, look at all this food.

[49:15] Bryan Pawlowski: Glorious food. You've really outdone yourself, my dear. Everyone will be wanting to come for Mrs. Cratchit's meat pie, the best pie in London.

[49:24] Michael Cerveris: All right. Thank you. But a quick blessing. Let us be glad. Let us be grateful. And bless my soul. Herc is on a roll.

[49:34] Bryan Pawlowski: Aww.

[49:35] Michael Cerveris: That's right, Tim. Bless my soul. Herc is on a roll.

[49:40] Bryan Pawlowski: The Cratchit's apartment began to slowly melt away. And as it did, Scrooge rushed forward, almost as if he was trying to reach out to Tapping Tim.

[49:47] Michael Cerveris: But before he could reach him, it all faded away. It all faded away. It all faded away.

[49:52] Bryan Pawlowski: But Scrooge. Tell me, spirit, where are you taking me?

[49:56] Michael Cerveris: I'm about to change your life.

[49:58] Bryan Pawlowski: By all means, lead the way.

[50:09] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge, welcome to Avenue Q.

[50:13] Bryan Pawlowski: Why have you brought me here, spirit?

[50:15] Michael Cerveris: I thought you'd like to see the party you've been missing all these years. This building here, on this side street, number 55 Rue Plumet, apartment 24601, is the home of your niece, Fred.

[50:27] Bryan Pawlowski: All at once, I am several stories high, knowing I am on the street where Fred lives.

[50:35] Michael Cerveris: I couldn't have put it better myself. And with a wink and a smile, the toast of Broadway present turned, and Scrooge found that they were floating upward.

[50:43] Bryan Pawlowski: They climbed higher and higher. They climbed till the entire sun shone on their faces. Then they...

[50:49] Kevin Jaeger: Psst.

[50:50] Bryan Pawlowski: They magically floated...

[50:52] Kevin Jaeger: Psst.

[50:53] Kimberly: What, Brian, what?

[50:55] Kevin Jaeger: You're in this next scene, too.

[50:57] Kimberly: Oh, God, you're right. Kevin, take over.

[50:59] Kevin Jaeger: Wait a minute. Mrs. Cratchit is not in Fred's party.

[51:02] Kimberly: No, it's her second character.

[51:04] Kevin Jaeger: Second character? I haven't even made an entrance in this story, and she's a second character?

[51:08] Kimberly: What?

[51:09] Kevin Jaeger: Wait, Kev. I am positive. And try not to get upset, but I am positive your epic part isn't coming yet.

[51:15] Kimberly: Really?

[51:16] Kevin Jaeger: Kev, I'm positive.

[51:17] Kimberly: She's positive.

[51:18] Kevin Jaeger: Positive.

[51:19] Kimberly: Oh, my God, you guys. Now shut up and read the narration.

[51:22] Kevin Jaeger: Okay, great. Where is she?

[51:24] Kimberly: Oh, right, here. Okay. Scrooge and the toast of Broadway present magically floated through the walls of the fifth floor walk-up and found themselves in an apartment completely furnished by Ikea and covered in photos and knickknacks.

[51:36] Kevin Jaeger: Six friends were spread around the room and completely wrapped up in what Scrooge quickly recognized was a game.

[51:42] Kimberly: All right, all right, all right. It's my turn.

[51:43] Kevin Jaeger: Oh, I do love when it's Fred's turn.

[51:47] Kimberly: She is the best at these games.

[51:49] Kevin Jaeger: Please, my love. You'll make me blush and lose my focus. And I need one more point to win.

[51:54] Kimberly: No, it takes two points to win.

[51:56] Kevin Jaeger: But you said-

[51:57] Kimberly: I've checked my math, and I'm sorry. It takes two.

[52:00] Kevin Jaeger: I thought one was enough.

[52:01] Kimberly: It's not true. It takes two more points.

[52:04] Kevin Jaeger: All right, here goes.

[52:05] Kimberly: Wait, before Fred's fate is decided, does anyone need a cocktail refresher?

[52:10] Kevin Jaeger: Oh, yes, thank you. I'd love one.

[52:12] Kimberly: Darling! But wait, what are you drinking?

[52:16] Kevin Jaeger: Someone tell me, when's it my turn? Can't I have a drink for myself?

[52:20] Kimberly: Starting now, it's going to be my turn.

[52:22] Kevin Jaeger: Easy now. Hush, love, hush. I keep telling you, what's your rush?

[52:26] Kimberly: Wait. While her paused, I'd like to thank you both, Fred and Fred's husband, for having us over for the holidays.

[52:32] Kevin Jaeger: Really? Fred's husband? I don't even have a name? Do I have a part?

[52:38] Kimberly: Touché.

[52:39] Kevin Jaeger: I think you mean tushy.

[52:40] Kimberly: Let's just keep going.

[52:42] Kevin Jaeger: I love coming here for the holidays.

[52:44] Kimberly: It's a jolly holiday with you, Fred.

[52:46] Kevin Jaeger: To Fred, to the holidays, and to Fred's husband.

[52:51] Kimberly: Cheers!

[52:52] Kevin Jaeger: Okay, now you can have your turn, Fred.

[52:55] Kimberly: Thank you. After our game master, Kimberly, refreshes us all on the game's rules.

[1:06:17] Michael Cerveris: I can change. I can change. I can learn to keep my promises. I swear it. I'll open up my heart and I will share it. Any minute now, I will be born again. Just tell me that this can all be erased.

[1:06:34] Michael Cerveris: At that moment, the clouds shifted and the bright light of the moon caused the name on the gravestone to glow menacingly bright.

[1:06:41] Michael Cerveris: I take it we are so screwed. No, spirit, please, speak to me.

[1:06:50] Michael Cerveris: I have always been a woman who arranges things for the pleasure and the profit it derives. I have always been a woman who arranges things like furniture and daffodils and light.

[1:07:10] Michael Cerveris: No!

[1:07:16] Kevin: Holy crap, Kevin, that was amazing.

[1:07:18] Michael Cerveris: I blacked out for a second. What happened?

[1:07:20] Kevin: You did great, kid, but your part is over. Scrooge is back in his bedroom.

[1:07:24] Michael Cerveris: He is?

[1:07:25] Kevin: Yeah, and he's about to wake up in three, two, one.

[1:07:30] Michael Cerveris: Wait, did that really just happen? Have I actually understood? I jumped over the moon a leap of moon.

[1:07:45] Kevin: He's back.

[1:07:46] Michael Cerveris: I'm home. Oh, I can't believe it. They did it. Oh, they actually. I'm as corny as Kansas in August, high as a flag on the 4th of July. They've done it. Charlie and the spirits be praised. They've done it. In one night. Or have they? What day is today?

[1:08:08] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge ran to the window and threw it open and discovered the caroler down below.

[1:08:12] Michael Cerveris: Oh, hello.

[1:08:14] Kevin: No, not you again. I'll push off.

[1:08:16] Michael Cerveris: No, no, no. Wait, wait. What is today?

[1:08:20] Kevin: Today? Why, today's, well, I'm not really sure because we're not getting specific about anything other than it's the holidays. So really, it could be a variety of days. But for the sake of this story, let's say it's the day you can't believe it actually is.

[1:08:36] Michael Cerveris: Is it really that day? I can't believe it. The spirits, they did it in one night. But of course they did. With them, anything goes.

[1:08:44] Kevin: I don't think that means what you think it means.

[1:08:46] Michael Cerveris: Listen, caroler, dear friend, I need your help. I will pay you handsomely.

[1:08:52] Kevin: How handsome we talking here?

[1:08:54] Michael Cerveris: Stephen Pasquale Bridges of Madison County handsome.

[1:08:57] Kevin: Yep, I'm in. So what's the plan?

[1:09:00] Michael Cerveris: About 30 minutes later, well, 40 because of train traffic ahead of us, Scrooge arrived at a building he now knew all too well in Washington Heights, the home of Bobby Cratchit.

[1:09:10] Michael Cerveris: Won't Cratchit be surprised to see me? I bet he'll feel like he's losing his mind. All right, back to being wicked. Cratchit, Cratchit, Cratchit.

[1:09:24] Michael Cerveris: OK, I'll ring the buzzer. You'll be surprised. All right.

[1:09:31] Kevin: Hello. Who's there?

[1:09:33] Michael Cerveris: Cratchit, I'm standing out here in the snow. Now you get out here this instant. No.

[1:09:43] Kevin: But Mr. Scrooge.

[1:09:46] Michael Cerveris: Or do you want to spend the rest of your holiday unemployed?

[1:09:50] Kevin: Sorry, Mr. Scrooge. I'll be right down.

[1:09:52] Michael Cerveris: Oh, that man is such a.

[1:09:56] Kevin: All right. All right. Keep it together. OK, here he comes.

[1:10:00] Kevin: Mr. Mr. Scrooge, what are you doing here?

[1:10:04] Michael Cerveris: Well, I couldn't let this go on for a single day longer.

[1:10:07] Michael Cerveris: Cratchit, I have had enough of how things have been going with you.

[1:10:11] Kevin: But Mr. Scrooge, it's just one day a year. I promise I'll be back at work.

[1:10:16] Kevin: Bright star and early tomorrow. I promise.

[1:10:19] Michael Cerveris: No, I don't want to see you at the office the rest of the week because you are no longer my assistant.

[1:10:25] Michael Cerveris: No, that's right. You're now my partner.

[1:10:30] Kevin: Please, Mr. Scrooge.

[1:10:32] Michael Cerveris: What? You're my partner and effective immediately. Your salary is tripled.

[1:10:37] Michael Cerveris: You now have a full benefits package.

[1:10:39] Kevin: But Mr. Scrooge, I don't understand.

[1:10:42] Michael Cerveris: And I'm officially taking on the financial obligation of tapping Tim's medical expenses.

[1:10:47] Kevin: I don't know what to say. It's hard to speak my heart.

[1:10:51] Michael Cerveris: And his arts education, because every child deserves to discover themselves through the arts.

[1:10:58] Kevin: All right, Mr. Scrooge, I've kept my mouth shut long enough.

[1:11:01] Michael Cerveris: My love.

[1:11:02] Kevin: No, you listen to me, Mr. Ticket Feeser Scrooge. You better have a bloody, bloody Andrew Jackson good reason to come up here and interrupt my family's holiday meal.

[1:11:09] Michael Cerveris: He came to make me a partner, give me a 300 percent raise and pay for Tim's school and dance lessons.

[1:11:16] Kevin: Well, that's not a bad reason at all.

[1:11:19] Michael Cerveris: Remarkable. Right on time.

[1:11:21] Michael Cerveris: Now, Mrs. Cratchit, I know you are a phenomenal cook, so please take no offense.

[1:11:28] Michael Cerveris: But I thought you might enjoy some help.

[1:11:31] Michael Cerveris: So I've had every item on the menu at my favorite Thai restaurant delivered here.

[1:11:36] Michael Cerveris: And for dessert, I've bought everything that Lulu's Pie Shop sells.

[1:11:40] Kevin: Mr. Scrooge, I am eternally in your debt.

[1:11:44] Kevin: Please say you'll come upstairs and join us.

[1:11:46] Michael Cerveris: Oh, I wish I could, but I can't.

[1:11:50] Michael Cerveris: I have other plans.

[1:11:52] Kevin: Mr. Scrooge, we're hoping that calling us to meet you here was not some kind of trick.

[1:11:58] Michael Cerveris: I know.

[1:12:02] Michael Cerveris: And I regret that I was terribly rude to you before in my office.

[1:12:06] Michael Cerveris: So first, I wanted to give you this check.

[1:12:10] Michael Cerveris: My donation in the amount of...

[1:12:16] Kevin: Mr. Scrooge, are you sure?

[1:12:18] Michael Cerveris: There's a lifetime's worth of back donations in that amount.

[1:12:22] Michael Cerveris: And if there's anything we could do to help you today,

[1:12:26] Michael Cerveris: I thought my family could volunteer to help with you.

[1:12:32] Kevin: Why, of course.

[1:12:33] Kevin: Yes, thank you.

[1:12:34] Michael Cerveris: Thank you very much.

[1:12:36] Michael Cerveris: Just then, Tapping Tim poked his tiny face out from behind the door where he'd been listening and smiled.

[1:12:42] Michael Cerveris: And bless my soul, Herc is on a roll.

[1:12:47] Kevin: That's right, Tapping Tim.

[1:12:49] Michael Cerveris: That's right.

[1:12:51] Kevin: Bless my soul, Herc is on a roll.

[1:12:55] Michael Cerveris: Scrooge kept his word and was a better man than anyone ever expected.

[1:12:59] Michael Cerveris: His kindness and generosity were legendary.

[1:13:02] Michael Cerveris: And he quickly became a second father figure to Tapping Tim,

[1:13:05] Michael Cerveris: who was able to make a full recovery and grow into a strong, talented dancer who always booked in.

[1:13:10] Michael Cerveris: And from that year on, every winter holiday season, Scrooge gathered with the Cratchits and Friends Friends

[1:13:16] Michael Cerveris: and volunteered with Broadway Cares Equity Fights AIDS.

[1:13:19] Michael Cerveris: And before they sat down for their holiday meal, Tim would say...

[1:13:22] Kevin: God bless us, everyone.

[1:13:24] Michael Cerveris: Really? I thought we'd replace that line with...

[1:13:26] Kevin: Yeah, but you can't really do a spoof of a Christmas carol...

[1:13:29] Michael Cerveris: Channing! Sorry.

[1:13:30] Kevin: Without including the most famous line.

[1:13:32] Michael Cerveris: Ooh, and it's the name of a song in the Alan Menken musical version of A Christmas Carol.

[1:13:35] Kevin: Channing!

[1:13:36] Michael Cerveris: So it totally counts as a pun, too.

[1:13:37] Michael Cerveris: And that, folks, is the end of this tale.

[1:13:40] Michael Cerveris: Thanks for listening to A Broad-Waisted Carol.

[1:13:42] Kevin: Channing! Sorry.

[1:13:44] Michael Cerveris: Oh, wait, that one worked.

[1:13:46] Michael Cerveris: Thank you to our amazing cast of Friends of the Show.

[1:13:49] Michael Cerveris: And thanks to all of you for listening in.

[1:13:50] Michael Cerveris: We hope you have an amazing holiday season.

[1:13:52] Michael Cerveris: But before we go and exchange gifts,

[1:13:54] Michael Cerveris: here's info on how you can give a gift that matters this holiday season.

[1:13:58] Jenna Hushquitz: Hey, everyone. Happy holidays.

[1:14:00] Erin Albano: My name is Jenna Hushquitz.

[1:14:02] Kara Lindsay: Erin Albano.

[1:14:03] Leslie Margarita: Kara Lindsay.

[1:14:04] James Monroe Iglehart: What's up, y'all? This is James Monroe Iglehart.

[1:14:07] J.M. Strong Johnson: J.M. Strong Johnson.

[1:14:08] Telly Leung: Telly Leung.

[1:14:09] Adam Kaplan: Adam Kaplan.

[1:14:10] Haley Pachum: Haley Pachum.

[1:14:11] Hannah Ellis: Hannah Ellis.

[1:14:12] Sarah Marie Jenkins: Sarah Marie Jenkins.

[1:14:13] Alana Levine: Alana Levine.

[1:14:14] Jillian Pensavali: Jillian Pensavali.

[1:14:15] Robbie Roselle: Robbie Roselle.

[1:14:16] Mo Brady: This is Mo Brady.

[1:14:17] Nika Graf Lanzarone: And Nika Graf Lanzarone.

[1:14:18] Andrew Bredis: Andrew Bredis.

[1:14:19] Squiggs: My name is Squiggs.

[1:14:20] Cesar Samayoa: My name is Cesar Samayoa.

[1:14:21] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Broadway Cares Equity Fights AIDS helps men, women, and children across the country

[1:14:26] Nika Graf Lanzarone: and across the street receive life-saving medications,

[1:14:29] Nika Graf Lanzarone: health care, nutritious meals, counseling, and emergency financial assistance.

[1:14:34] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Since 1988,

[1:14:35] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Broadway Cares Equity Fights AIDS has raised more than $285 million

[1:14:40] Nika Graf Lanzarone: for essential services for people with HIV and AIDS

[1:14:43] Nika Graf Lanzarone: and other critical illnesses in all 50 states, Puerto Rico, and Washington, D.C.

[1:14:47] Nika Graf Lanzarone: They've also awarded annual grants to more than 450 family service organizations nationwide.

[1:14:53] Nika Graf Lanzarone: The great Jonathan Larson wrote,

[1:14:55] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Share love, give love, spread love.

[1:14:57] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Please donate now to Broadway Cares Equity Fights AIDS

[1:15:00] Nika Graf Lanzarone: and help everyone to celebrate this season of love this holiday season.

[1:15:04] Nika Graf Lanzarone: To give your holiday gift to Broadway Cares, visit donate.broadwaycares.org slash broadwasted.

[1:15:11] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Don't throw away your shot to make a difference.

[1:15:13] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Thanks so much.

[1:15:14] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Thank you.

[1:15:15] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Thank you so much.

[1:15:16] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Thank you.

[1:15:18] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Thank you.

[1:15:19] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Thanks, everybody.

[1:15:20] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Thank you.

[1:15:21] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Thank you.

[1:15:22] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Thank you.

[1:15:23] Nika Graf Lanzarone: And thanks for supporting BCEFA.

[1:15:24] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Happy Holidays.

[1:15:25] Nika Graf Lanzarone: And may your 2018 be as bountiful as Laura Dern's 2017.

[1:15:27] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Happy Holidays from all of us at Broad Wasted.

[1:15:30] Nika Graf Lanzarone: And as we finish every episode.

[1:15:32] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Happy Holidays, everyone.

[1:15:35] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Hap-

[1:15:36] Nika Graf Lanzarone: No!

[1:15:37] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Sorry.

[1:15:38] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Outtakes.

[1:15:41] Nika Graf Lanzarone: He's always a little bit under the weather.

[1:15:44] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Okay.

[1:15:45] Nika Graf Lanzarone: I'm ready.

[1:15:46] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Yep.

[1:15:47] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Okay.

[1:15:50] Nika Graf Lanzarone: By drawing upon the talents, resources, and it-

[1:15:55] Nika Graf Lanzarone: See, this is where it goes down.

[1:15:57] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Once the first one happens, then it's over.

[1:16:02] Nika Graf Lanzarone: By drawing upon the talents, resources, and-

[1:16:05] Nika Graf Lanzarone: That doesn't count.

[1:16:06] Nika Graf Lanzarone: That doesn't count.

[1:16:07] Nika Graf Lanzarone: That doesn't count.

[1:16:08] Nika Graf Lanzarone: I'm so sorry.

[1:16:10] Nika Graf Lanzarone: But I'm not.

[1:16:12] Nika Graf Lanzarone: We're at the little scene where Fred-

[1:16:14] Nika Graf Lanzarone: You guys are crazy.

[1:16:16] Nika Graf Lanzarone: No!

[1:16:17] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Crazy.

[1:16:18] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Like, absolutely insane.

[1:16:20] Nika Graf Lanzarone: That's pretty much us.

[1:16:29] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Do you want me to do a kiss sound?

[1:16:31] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Let's do it again.

[1:16:32] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Yeah.

[1:16:41] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Okay.

[1:16:48] Nika Graf Lanzarone: So perfect.

[1:16:49] Nika Graf Lanzarone: He's really good at vocal techniques.

[1:16:51] Nika Graf Lanzarone: You can do this anytime for me.

[1:16:52] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Perfect.

[1:16:54] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Did you hear me, like, straining?

[1:16:58] Nika Graf Lanzarone: The veins popping out of my neck.

[1:17:00] Nika Graf Lanzarone: How'd you get notes?

[1:17:01] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Well, I have a video.

[1:17:04] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Here it is, Doctor.

[1:17:05] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Darling!

[1:17:06] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Guest one, guest two, and guest three all answer that they do.

[1:17:11] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Is that right?

[1:17:12] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Oh, no, that's just-

[1:17:13] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Oh.

[1:17:14] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Stage directions.

[1:17:25] Nika Graf Lanzarone: I made it work, you know?

[1:17:27] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Yeah, that's going to make it super real.

[1:17:29] Nika Graf Lanzarone: That's funny.

[1:17:30] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Oh, my God.

[1:17:31] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Okay, wait.

[1:17:32] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Perfect.

[1:17:33] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Can you do the darling again?

[1:17:38] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Okay.

[1:17:41] Nika Graf Lanzarone: May you be happy with the life you have chosen.

[1:17:44] Nika Graf Lanzarone: It's terrible.

[1:17:46] Nika Graf Lanzarone: I'll do it seriously.

[1:17:47] Nika Graf Lanzarone: I just came-

[1:17:50] Nika Graf Lanzarone: I just came to say goodbye, love.

[1:17:52] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Goodbye.

[1:17:54] Nika Graf Lanzarone: May you be happy with the life you have chosen.

[1:17:59] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Love is a many-splendored thing.

[1:18:01] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Love lifts us up where we belong.

[1:18:03] Nika Graf Lanzarone: All you need is love.

[1:18:06] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Perfect.

[1:18:07] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Uh.

[1:18:10] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Oh, my God.

[1:18:14] Nika Graf Lanzarone: How much of this is going to end up in outtakes?

[1:18:16] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Also, that laugh that's like snagglepuss.

[1:18:22] Nika Graf Lanzarone: All right.

[1:18:25] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Just that.

[1:18:26] Nika Graf Lanzarone: I never do that.

[1:18:27] Nika Graf Lanzarone: All right.

[1:18:28] Nika Graf Lanzarone: By drawing upon the talents, resources, and generosity of the-

[1:18:33] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Generosity.

[1:18:34] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Generosity.

[1:18:36] Nika Graf Lanzarone: By drawing upon the talents-

[1:18:43] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Oh, my God.

[1:18:44] Nika Graf Lanzarone: I can't do it.

[1:18:46] Nika Graf Lanzarone: By drawing upon the talents, resources, and generosity-

[1:18:52] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Oh, no.

[1:18:54] Nika Graf Lanzarone: You're just going to have the first paragraph, Kevin.

[1:18:57] Nika Graf Lanzarone: That's how I read it.

[1:19:00] Nika Graf Lanzarone: They've also-

[1:19:02] Nika Graf Lanzarone: This isn't happening.

[1:19:07] Nika Graf Lanzarone: That's all you're going to get.

[1:19:12] Nika Graf Lanzarone: I can't read.

[1:19:13] Nika Graf Lanzarone: And as we finish every episode-

[1:19:18] Nika Graf Lanzarone: Cheers.