This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Intro Music.

[0:28] Unknown speaker: Oh, hello there. Welcome, stranger. Please, gather yourself close to the fire. It's a cold night tonight. The kind of cold that chills you straight to the core. The kind of cold that makes you believe you'll never feel warm again.

[0:50] Unknown speaker: It's felt that way every day here in the magical kingdom of Broadwayster, since we have no holiday flame this year. Wait, you didn't know that you're in the epically awesome magical kingdom of Broadwayster, and you've never heard of the holiday flame, and you're in the mood for a three-part holiday story?

[1:13] Unknown speaker: Well, then, my new friend, sit yourself down by these humble flames of our fire and bask in whatever warmth you can find as I tell you the epic tale of the holiday dragon.

[1:26] Unknown speaker: Many moons ago, in the mysterious forbidden caves of the northernmost banks of Broadwayster, King Crosby of the Snow Elves and his three daughters witnessed the birth of a sacred holiday dragon. Do you see that, girls? The way that it is breaking through the shell?

[1:46] Unknown speaker: Look, I see a little claw.

[1:48] Unknown speaker: And I see the tip of a little wing.

[1:51] Unknown speaker: Oh, here it comes. It's about to fully break through the egg and hatch. Ready, set...

[1:58] Unknown speaker: And there it is, the first holiday dragon that's been gifted to our world in centuries. With this dragon's magic fire igniting the sacred torch on the top of Mount Olympia Dukakis, the warmth of the holiday flame will fill everyone in the land of Broadwayster.

[2:12] Unknown speaker: He's so cute.

[2:14] Unknown speaker: What should we name him, Father?

[2:16] Unknown speaker: Well, as King of the Snow Elves, I do have the task of naming the holiday dragon, but I can take suggestions from my wonderful daughter. So, Angelica, what will it be?

[2:26] Unknown speaker: Um, well...

[2:29] Unknown speaker: The dragon is telling you to hurry up, Angelica.

[2:32] Unknown speaker: Dad!

[2:33] Unknown speaker: Don't tease your sister, Eliza. Come on, Angelica, go with your heart. What should we name this holiday dragon?

[2:39] Unknown speaker: Alexander.

[2:41] Unknown speaker: Okay, interesting. Alexander the Dragon. Okay, I could get used to that. But let's hear what Eliza thinks. Eliza, what's a perfect name for the holiday dragon?

[2:51] Unknown speaker: Um, it should be something fantastical, like Adel Nazim. Alexander is way better!

[2:58] Unknown speaker: Now, Angelica, be nice to your little sister. Adel Nazim, huh? Another good option. Thank you, Eliza. But how can I choose? Alexander or Adel Nazim? But wait! I have to hear what Peggy has to say!

[3:15] Unknown speaker: Peggy, it's your chance! What should I name the holiday dragon?

[3:19] Unknown speaker: I feel like the dragon has to be named Falkor.

[3:22] Unknown speaker: Oh, thank goodness. That is the correct answer, Peggy. Whenever you're naming a dragon, it should always be named Falkor. And if you don't know why, shame on you, am I right?

[3:31] Unknown speaker: I still like Alexander.

[3:33] Unknown speaker: We all know, Angelica. We all know you like Alexander.

[3:37] Unknown speaker: Look! Falkor the holiday dragon is going to sleep. How can you be sleepy right now? You were just born.

[3:45] Unknown speaker: Look around, look around at how lucky you are to be alive right now.

[3:51] Unknown speaker: Look around, look around.

[3:53] Unknown speaker: Falkor will spend most of the year sleeping. Now, girls, I brought you both here because you have very important roles to play in Falkor's life and in all of our lives.

[4:02] Unknown speaker: The holiday dragon will sleep here in the Forbidden Caves for the majority of the year. However, when it is time to usher in the holiday season on what is called the Night of the Dragon, Angelica will awaken Falkor with a magical song we worked on. Do you remember it?

[4:18] Unknown speaker: Of course I do.

[4:20] Unknown speaker: I know you do, my angel. Once Falkor is awake, he will fly to the sacred torch on the top of Mount Olympia Dukakis and ignite the holiday flame, filling the land with holiday spirit.

[4:30] Unknown speaker: Falkor will then fly back here to the Forbidden Caves where Eliza will be waiting to sing her magical song and lull the dragon back to sleep until the next holiday season.

[4:39] Unknown speaker: You remember your song, Eliza?

[4:41] Unknown speaker: Absolutely. I'm ready, Father.

[4:43] Unknown speaker: Now remember, girls. It is your sacred duty to awaken the dragon and then lull him back to sleep on the Night of the Dragon. These are matters of grave importance. The success of every holiday season depends upon Falkor lighting the holiday flame. You can't let us down.

[4:59] Unknown speaker: We won't, Father. We'll never let you down.

[5:01] Unknown speaker: You can count on us.

[5:03] Unknown speaker: But what about me, Father?

[5:05] Unknown speaker: You, my beautiful daughter Peggy, have the most important job of all. You, with your awesome magical powers unparalleled by any elf that has ever lived, you shall protect the Forbidden Caves while Falkor sleeps.

[5:19] Unknown speaker: But that's not fair! Angelica and Eliza have songs. They have so much more than me.

[5:25] Unknown speaker: Peggy, you have a song inside of you that's full of more powerful magic than I could ever teach you. One day, you'll let it out. Until then, you must keep Falkor safe all year so that he may arise every holiday season and ignite the holiday flame.

[5:42] Unknown speaker: On the top of Mount Olympia Dukakis. Yeah, I know, Father. I know.

[5:48] Unknown speaker: Now, girls, promise me. Promise me you will fulfill your sacred duties to the holiday dragon.

[5:54] Unknown speaker: I promise, Father.

[5:55] Unknown speaker: I promise, Father.

[5:56] Unknown speaker: I promise, Father.

[5:59] Unknown speaker: Come awake, come awake Spread your wings and soar

[6:10] Unknown speaker: Feel the frost start to break And the darkness retire

[6:16] Unknown speaker: Let the cold fade away For the time has come once more

[6:23] Unknown speaker: To warm all the winter With magic and fire

[6:31] Unknown speaker: Banish the snowfall Banish the ice wall

[6:36] Unknown speaker: Let all the blizzards be tamed

[6:41] Unknown speaker: In this frozen hour We call on your power

[6:46] Unknown speaker: The light of the holiday flame

[6:54] Unknown speaker: And the sisters kept their word. For years and years, when it was time to ring in the holiday season, Angelica traversed the dangerous path to the Forbidden Caves to awaken Falkor on the sacred night of the dragon with her magical song.

[7:14] Unknown speaker: And Falkor, the holiday dragon, would open his eyes, stretch out his massive wings, and take off into the night, high above the land of Broadwaister, straight to the top of Mount Olympia Dukakis.

[7:32] Unknown speaker: All of Broadwaister would erupt in cheers of Zoot-doo-wah-boom as Falkor ignited the holiday flame.

[7:43] Unknown speaker: And as everyone was celebrating, Falkor would take off as quickly as he'd arrived, returning to the Forbidden Caves.

[7:50] Unknown speaker: And there he would find Eliza waiting for him to lull him back to sleep.

[7:56] Unknown speaker: And so the sisters sang in turn as the years passed on the night of the dragon.

[8:03] Unknown speaker: Come awake, come awake, spread your wings and soar. Feel the frost start to break and the darkness return. Let the cold fade away, for the time has come once more.

[8:25] Unknown speaker: To dream now of magic and fire.

[8:35] Unknown speaker: The rest of the year Peggy traversed the Forbidden Caves alone, using her powerful magic to make the caves inaccessible to anyone or anything but her sisters.

[8:48] Unknown speaker: And for years and years, everything was as it should be.

[8:56] Unknown speaker: But then it happened. A few days ago we heard a massive storm forming in the north.

[9:02] Unknown speaker: We all turned to watch it grow at an alarming rate that could only mean one thing.

[9:12] Unknown speaker: Dark magic.

[9:14] Unknown speaker: In moments the Forbidden Caves disappeared, engulfed by the enormous, menacing, jet-black storm cloud.

[9:24] Unknown speaker: As all of Broadwaster stared in shock and horror at the terrifying cloud swallowing the entire northern part of the land, Angelica and Eliza raced directly toward it.

[9:38] Unknown speaker: Eliza, come on! It's just a few steps further!

[9:41] Unknown speaker: I'm trying, Angelica, but the closer we get to the perimeter of the storm cloud, the more the ferocious winds seem to be pushing us back!

[9:47] Unknown speaker: Keep fighting! Think of Peggy! Think of Falkor! They need our help!

[9:53] Unknown speaker: Who do you think is behind this?

[9:55] Unknown speaker: I don't know.

[9:57] Unknown speaker: The two sisters fought with all their might and finally reached the edge of the formidable, swirling black cloud of doom.

[10:05] Unknown speaker: They grasped hands and looked into each other's eyes.

[10:09] Unknown speaker: We will save our sister! We will save Falkor!

[10:13] Unknown speaker: And we will save the Holidays! Ready? Set? Jump!

[10:26] Unknown speaker: And no one has seen any of them since. Falkor or the sisters of the Holiday Dragon.

[10:34] Unknown speaker: And the terrible cloud remains in the north. You can see it now.

[10:41] Unknown speaker: And so ends our tale for now, I'm afraid.

[10:44] Unknown speaker: That is, unless you can help us, dear friend.

[10:49] Unknown speaker: Dear... what should I call you?

[10:52] Unknown speaker: You don't say much, but you're a mighty good listener.

[10:56] Unknown speaker: So that's what I'll call you. Listener.

[10:59] Unknown speaker: So, listener, do you happen to know a crew of strong, cunning and brave heroes who could save Falkor and the sisters of the Holiday Dragon from whatever this terrifying threat may be behind the dark magic of the storm?

[11:14] Unknown speaker: Wait! You do? Who?

[11:29] Unknown speaker: God, we're saved!

[12:00] Unknown speaker: Kimberly, the doorbell! I've got four more minutes of slaying an army of orcs and then I'm all yours for the holidays, I promise.

[12:07] Unknown speaker: Oh, God, are orcs the giant, disgusting, ugly things?

[12:11] Unknown speaker: You better believe it!

[12:12] Unknown speaker: Gross, I hate those things.

[12:14] Unknown speaker: So, like a good husband, I will kill them for you. For four more minutes.

[12:19] Unknown speaker: Okay, just remind me to take the ham out of the oven when you get off your stream, okay?

[12:24] Unknown speaker: You got it!

[12:25] Unknown speaker: Don't forget, I want to make sure this first dinner is perfect.

[12:28] Unknown speaker: Trust me, I could never forget the ham.

[12:32] Unknown speaker: I'm coming, I'm coming!

[12:34] Unknown speaker: Happy Holidays!

[12:37] Unknown speaker: Did you really need to ring the doorbell ten times?

[12:40] Unknown speaker: We were doing an immersive production of the Book of Mormon.

[12:43] Unknown speaker: I swear, that was all Brian.

[12:45] Unknown speaker: Oh, I know, and yet we love him anyway. Come on in, it's cold. It's good to see you, Jamie.

[12:49] Unknown speaker: You too.

[12:50] Unknown speaker: I know it's good to see me too. It goes without saying, because you haven't said it yet.

[12:55] Unknown speaker: I'm sorry. Come here, Brian. Give me a hug.

[12:57] Unknown speaker: I've just been so stressed out trying to make this the perfect holiday.

[13:00] Unknown speaker: The perfect holiday? Why?

[13:02] Unknown speaker: Because Jay and I have never spent the holidays completely away from our families.

[13:06] Unknown speaker: So this is our first couple's holiday, and you only get so many of those before you have kids, and then the holidays are all about your kids, and then you're just kind of trying to keep up with it all until suddenly 40 years have gone by and all the holidays are about grandkids.

[13:19] Unknown speaker: And then old Jay and I will be like, wow, this is great, but we're so freaking old, let's reminisce about our quiet little perfect holiday as a couple with our chosen family in a little cottage upstate.

[13:29] Unknown speaker: And that is this holiday.

[13:31] Unknown speaker: Old Kimberly and old Jay are reminiscing about this freaking holiday, and it has to be perfect.

[13:36] Unknown speaker: But no pressure, right? I mean, Jamie and I are here, so already the holiday is pretty spectacular.

[13:42] Unknown speaker: And you two didn't make plans to record any talking horror episodes, right?

[13:45] Unknown speaker: No Black Christmas or Krampus or anything spooky?

[13:48] Unknown speaker: No spooky, but what about Spooky Dooky?

[13:51] Unknown speaker: Kimberly, we promise we followed all the instructions.

[13:54] Unknown speaker: All 525,600 of them.

[13:57] Unknown speaker: And we didn't bring any podcasting stuff with us, we promise.

[14:00] Unknown speaker: This trip is all about us and the holiday. We are here to make memories.

[14:04] Unknown speaker: I am all about making memories. Happy holidays, you crazy kids.

[14:08] Unknown speaker: Happy holidays.

[14:09] Jay Schmidt: Hey Jay, where were you? Oh, just finishing up a quick live stream.

[14:12] Kimberly Schmidt: Because our friends can follow the rules about no technology, but clearly my husband can't.

[14:17] Bryan Plofsky: Can you two remind my wife that she's the game master, not the task master? Because she's...

[14:22] Kimberly Schmidt: Because I what? Because she's so pretty, and you're funny, and smart, and a game master, and a game winner, and a game of life winner, because I mean, look at your husband. Check him out. Oh, this is your arm candy, baby. I'm your leg licorice. I'm your torso taffy. I'm your...

[14:38] Jay Schmidt: I love you too, Jaybird, but no more streaming. Loving and attentive husband reporting for duty, ma'am. As you were private, now escort our guests upstairs to the guest bedroom. You two have a picture-perfect view of the lake.

[14:48] Bryan Plofsky: Sounds amazing. It's nice, though at night with the fog that moves in, it really starts to look more like a bog.

[14:53] Kimberly Schmidt: What was that? Foreshadowing. This way, Brian and Jamie, you gotta see the view of the mountains from me and Kimberly's room. It is crazy. They're the tallest mountains I've ever seen. I bet no one could climb them.

[15:10] Jay Schmidt: I just hope we don't get there and find out Jay was making mountains out of molehills.

[15:16] Kimberly Schmidt: Was that foreshadowing? No, that one was just for a bad joke. Here, let me help you with your bags. Kimberly, can you get the door? This way, Brian and Jamie. Upstairs we go.

[15:26] Bryan Plofsky: Yeah, I'll get the door. I was just heading in the kitchen to do...

[15:29] Jamie Steiner: Oh, to do something. I'm coming. Hi, I'm here with consolation gifts for people on the naughty list. Am I in the right place? Let's see. There's a pitcher of margaritas in the fridge.

[15:42] Kevin Jaeger: Then this is definitely the right place. Come on in, Kevin. It's cold. Happy holidays, Kimberly. You better not be kidding about that pitcher.

[15:48] Kimberly Schmidt: Happy holidays, Kevin. This is gonna be so fun. An off-the-grid holiday. My Uber driver had a hell of a time finding this place from the train station.

[15:58] Kevin Jaeger: Where are we? Upstate New York, in a cabin. So you need help with anything? Why don't you throw your bags in your room? You're at the very end of this long hallway. You have a perfect view of the grasslands, the something plains. I can't remember what they're called. I don't know why, but I thought you'd like that, even though they are kind of ominous.

[16:19] Jamie Steiner: Sounds good to me, as long as the rain in the plains stays mainly in Spain. Put your stuff down and join me in the kitchen. I wasn't lying about the pitcher. I have the pitcher and all the stuff to make margaritas. I just haven't made them yet, because who better to make them than the true master of margaritas?

[16:33] Kevin Jaeger: I mean, I won't argue with that. I am the margarita master, and I could definitely use a drink. Why? Is something wrong?

[16:44] Kimberly Schmidt: It's that time of year again, and I'm stressing about the radio play. I just, I want it to be really great, epic, and exciting, and fun to listen to, while also being heartwarming, and sweet, and silly. I just, I want it to be the absolute perfect holiday special. That's not too much to ask, right?

[17:00] Kevin Jaeger: Asking for perfection? It shouldn't be. I want this to be the perfect holiday. With the perfect holiday radio musical. But you know what I could really go for right now?

[17:10] Kimberly Schmidt: What's that?

[17:11] Kevin Jaeger: The perfect holiday margarita.

[17:13] Kimberly Schmidt: I'll drink to that. Right this way.

[17:15] Kevin Jaeger: I can't wait to see everyone. Do you know who just got here?

[17:21] Kimberly Schmidt: Probably Kevin. I texted him something funny ten minutes ago, and I gauged his laugh was about ten miles away.

[17:27] Bryan Plofsky: It's so crazy that you've developed the ability to place Kevin geographically based on his laugh.

[17:32] Jay Schmidt: Come to think of it, that ability seems implausible.

[17:35] Kimberly Schmidt: Implausible? Or like an important element of the plot that will come back later, now that we've identified that I have this power?

[17:42] Bryan Plofsky: What?

[17:43] Kimberly Schmidt: Foreshadowing. You guys think of anything you need, just let me know. Kimberly and I got here early and went through the place to see what they have. These Airbnb people really set us up with a lot of stuff.

[17:52] Jamie Steiner: They even have these little hotel-sized soaps and shampoo bottles and stuff.

[17:55] Bryan Plofsky: I mean, it's so sweet, isn't it?

[17:57] Jamie Steiner: I mean, I'm totally going to steal all of them. They're already in my bag. Don't ask. I won't share.

[18:01] Kevin Jaeger: Jamie and I are having groceries delivered. We would love to take care of dinner for everybody. And maybe we can do an official board game tournament or big karaoke competition or, or, or...

[18:10] Bryan Plofsky: Don't even worry about that, bud. I mean, you know Kimberly's got all the food and activities covered. When we got here, she did a quick inventory of the house and then immediately started cooking and baking. Like, it was spooky how fast. She sent me shopping for a few things, says she forgot, but I'm pretty sure she left it home as an excuse to send me to the store to get me out of the house. She bought an entire Lights of Broadway show card collection and a ton of little scraps of paper with things written on them. I don't even know what they say. She's got it all taken care of, man. This is how she celebrates holidays, dude. Taking care of everyone.

[18:39] Jamie Steiner: Okay, well, we can do breakfast in the morning or, or make a big lunch for everyone or dinner tomorrow or else we could maybe do a top chef competition.

[18:46] Kevin Jaeger: Yeah, whichever one. I mean, we'll play it by ear. Dude, what's up with you? You're going into Brian-mania about cooking a meal for everyone or planning some big event. We just want to help out.

[18:54] Bryan Plofsky: Oh, absolutely. Everyone always pitches in. We're all good like that. I just want to do something special for everyone. We don't get to all get together as much anymore since, since we moved to Philly, so I just wanted to make sure that this holiday is extra special for all of us. Together, just like old times.

[19:09] Kimberly Schmidt: And it will be special, Brian. Don't worry about it. Get settled and come downstairs, man. Change into something comfy. We got a whole trip to enjoy the gang all together, just like the old times. I mean, when was the last time we got to do this?

[19:20] Jay Schmidt: Jay, can you get the door? Kevin and I are very busy taste testing the first pitcher of margaritas.

[19:25] Bryan Plofsky: Yeah, I got it. We got to get down there before Kev and Kimberly are man-can level broad-waisted.

[19:30] Jay Schmidt: If it comes in a can, you'd think you could have more than one.

[19:34] Bryan Plofsky: I mean, good episode, but drunk Kimberly.

[19:38] Jamie Steiner: Hey Bri, you okay?

[19:39] Bryan Plofsky: Yeah, I'm good. I just don't want anything to feel like it's changed, but already it feels like it has.

[19:45] Jay Schmidt: Well, change is a constant. Change is healthy. Change is good.

[19:48] Bryan Plofsky: I know, I know, but this holiday, I want a good, old-fashioned, by-the-book holiday with my broad-waisted family. No funny business. Only punny business.

[19:58] Kimberly Schmidt: Well, then let's go outside.

[19:59] Bryan Plofsky: Why?

[20:00] Kimberly Schmidt: Let's go walking in a winter punderland.

[20:02] Bryan Plofsky: A holiday pun? Be still my heart.

[20:05] Kimberly Schmidt: Come on, let's go downstairs and join the group. And don't stress, okay? It's already going to be special because we're together. You don't have to constantly do something to make it more special.

[20:13] Bryan Plofsky: You clearly have not seen the matching pajamas I bought for everybody.

[20:17] Jay Schmidt: Oh, here we go. Come on.

[20:23] Kimberly Schmidt: Okay, so raise your hands if you want a margarita.

[20:26] Hayley Podschun: Haley?

[20:26] Nikisha Williams: Oh, I do.

[20:27] Hayley Podschun: I absolutely want one.

[20:29] Nikisha Williams: Is a margarita a holiday drink?

[20:32] Kevin Jaeger: It's the holidays, and I've made a delicious pitcher of margaritas, so it is tonight.

[20:38] Nikisha Williams: Then I am in.

[20:39] Kevin Jaeger: Perfect. Marks for Haley, Erin, and Nikisha. Jay and Kimberly, do you need refills?

[20:44] Kimberly Schmidt: No, because I have some more stuff in the kitchen to do.

[20:47] Kevin Jaeger: Ah, Kimberly, you've been working hard, babe. Relax. Just have another. It's the holidays.

[20:51] Kimberly Schmidt: Okay, one more. Is there enough for two margaritas for us?

[20:55] Bryan Plofsky: Brian and Jamie.

[20:57] Kevin Jaeger: Of course, there's two for you guys already made right here.

[21:01] Bryan Plofsky: Thanks, Kev.

[21:01] Kevin Jaeger: Happy holidays, you two.

[21:03] All: Oh, the gang's all here. Happy holidays, friends.

[21:06] All: Happy holidays, Haley, Erin, and Nikisha. You too, Jamie.

[21:09] Jamie Steiner: Ugh, this is incredible. We're all here together for the whole holiday. It's like it's magic, though the weather outside is definitely not magical.

[21:18] Kimberly Schmidt: How so?

[21:18] Jamie Steiner: Yeah, the weather is crazy outside. There's some kind of crazy storm raging outside, and it's not like a normal snowstorm. It's almost like it's a dark, menacing, and dangerously icy thunderstorm that appeared out of thin air and has surrounded us on all sides, quickly descending upon us all alone in this remote house in upstate New York, helpless to do anything to stop it.

[21:40] Bryan Plofsky: It's almost like that?

[21:42] Kevin Jaeger: This storm sounds ridiculous and strangely like the catalyst for the inciting action in this story, if this were some kind of a story or radio musical or something. But instead of focusing on that, let's look around and be glad we're all here. This is perfect. The whole broad-waisted crew, even two hammies and a Tammy.

[22:01] Kimberly Schmidt: That makes me laugh every time. Tammy for my hairspray, two hammies.

[22:05] Jay Schmidt: Hammies.

[22:06] Bryan Plofsky: The ham! Oh, for Carmen Cusack's sake, the holiday ham! I'll get it.

[22:10] Kimberly Schmidt: No, I'll get it. I told you to remind me about the ham when you were done streaming, Jibber.

[22:13] Jay Schmidt: I'm sorry, I got distracted by all of our friends getting here.

[22:16] Bryan Plofsky: Well, so did I, but someone has to make sure that everything happens like it's supposed to so that everyone else can have an effortlessly perfect holiday, and that someone is always me.

[22:25] Kimberly Schmidt: You just worry too much about the details. I'm sure no one cares that the ham-

[22:30] Bryan Plofsky: Everyone cares about a burned ham.

[22:33] Kimberly Schmidt: I'll open up a window to let some of the smoke out.

[22:35] Jamie Steiner: Jamie and I will get the fire alarm to stop.

[22:36] Nikisha Williams: And I'm sure there are some incredible local restaurants where we can order dinner from.

[22:40] Bryan Plofsky: Yeah, Nikisha and I'll get on that.

[22:42] Jamie Steiner: Plus, Jamie and I have groceries coming.

[22:44] Kevin Jaeger: No deliveries are getting through this storm anytime soon, groceries or takeout.

[22:48] Kimberly Schmidt: There's got to be a pizza place or Chinese food that'll deliver, right?

[22:52] Bryan Plofsky: I don't think so.

[22:53] Kevin Jaeger: You know what? Why don't I make another pitcher of margaritas? These ones will be smoky.

[22:56] Kimberly Schmidt: Okay, we can salvage this. All right, everyone, let's move into the sunroom while this part of the house fumigates.

[23:05] Jay Schmidt: Oh, yeah, a totally smart and logical idea. But, um, just everyone, uh, be careful. I kind of ran the wires from my livestream everywhere in there, and the plugs are very strange places. And it's kind of a nightmare to set up, so it's a bit of a booby trap of wires. Plus, uh, I left all my D&D stuff out.

[23:21] Kimberly Schmidt: You brought your Dungeons & Dragons stuff?

[23:23] Jay Schmidt: I thought maybe we'd get bored in this cabin of state, and maybe I'd teach everyone how to play D&D, and we, you know, just, like, have a casual short campaign or something. I don't know.

[23:33] Jamie Steiner: I always thought that Dungeons & Dragons stuff looked pretty cool.

[23:36] Kevin Jaeger: Yeah, sure, I get it. It's a fantasy game.

[23:38] Bryan Plofsky: That sounds fun. Like Into the Woods, but with killing.

[23:41] Jay Schmidt: Well, with more killing. But there's absolutely nothing holiday about D&D. This was a trip of magical holiday memories, remember? Not D&D and livestreaming. Let's just check out the sunroom. I'm sure it's not that bad.

[23:56] Jamie Steiner: Whoa, the cords are really haphazardly placed around this room.

[24:01] Bryan Plofsky: I almost just tripped on one.

[24:02] Jamie Steiner: It's like a minefield.

[24:04] Jay Schmidt: Uh, I did trip on one by the door, and-

[24:06] Bryan Plofsky: Oof!

[24:07] Jamie Steiner: Ouch! I just stepped on one of these weirdly shaped game dice!

[24:12] Jay Schmidt: Oh, sorry. Those are D&D dice. They deliver damage points, not usually to your foot, though.

[24:17] Kimberly Schmidt: Jay, this is a mess! Listen up, everyone. This is important. There is a dangerous cord coming through the center of the room. Be careful when you move near it.

[24:25] Bryan Plofsky: Uh, everybody not to alarm anyone?

[24:29] Jamie Steiner: Oh, I just tripped over a tripod!

[24:31] Bryan Plofsky: But the storm is getting really bad outside.

[24:34] Kevin Jaeger: Sorry for the mess, friends. I'll clean it up. And it looks like the storm is coming inside through the open window in the kitchen?

[24:40] Kimberly Schmidt: Like it's coming to get us?

[24:42] Kevin Jaeger: Kevin, what are you talking about? Does no one else see that dark, menacing, dangerous ice thunderstorm cloud that looks like it's about to explode in the middle of the room?

[24:48] Bryan Plofsky: It's coming at me! Uh, I gotta back up!

[24:54] Jay Schmidt: Kevin! Don't back up! You're in the center of the room! You'll hit that dangerous cord, and-

[25:07] Unknown speaker: Welcome, champion. Your adventure has begun.

[25:19] Bryan Plofsky: Is everyone okay?

[25:20] All: Yeah.

[25:21] Bryan Plofsky: What just happened? Did we just go through a portal?

[25:24] Kimberly Schmidt: Because I feel like once a year we go through a portal, and it definitely felt portally.

[25:28] Kevin Jaeger: I would agree that experience has undertones of portal and overtones of portal.

[25:34] Bryan Plofsky: Okay, so it was a portal, but a portal to where? And how do we portal back? And what did that voice mean by, "Welcome, champions. Your adventure has begun."

[25:41] Kimberly Schmidt: Okay, you heard that too?

[25:45] Jay Schmidt: Hey, Carmen Cusack, I thought I was losing it.

[25:48] Bryan Plofsky: Losing it.

[25:49] Jay Schmidt: A side effect of portal travel. All signs seem to be pointing towards what we just experienced being a portal.

[25:56] Kimberly Schmidt: Jay, we've already established it was a portal. We're trying to figure out where the portal brought us.

[26:02] Bryan Plofsky: Where the portal ported us.

[26:05] Jay Schmidt: Okay. Wait, where are Erin, Nakisha, and Haley?

[26:08] Kimberly Schmidt: Oh no! Erin! Nakisha! Haley! Where did they go?

[26:13] Jamie Steiner: I don't know. Why don't we ask them?

[26:14] Bryan Plofsky: Ask who?

[26:15] Jamie Steiner: Those two people standing right behind you.

[26:18] All: Hello!

[26:21] Unknown speaker: I'm the narrator.

[26:27] Kimberly Schmidt: Oh, come on. Where were you all? Comedies and threes, people. Threes!

[26:31] Bryan Plofsky: We screamed and then he said something and then we screamed again. So the third time we're all supposed to forget it.

[26:38] Unknown speaker: He said he was the narrator and that strangely kind of answered all my questions for the time being.

[26:43] Jamie Steiner: Yeah, I suddenly feel totally taken care of knowing there's a narrator on the premises.

[26:47] Bryan Plofsky: Yeah, things are completely under control.

[26:50] Kimberly Schmidt: Even though we're in a strange magical forest of menacing otherworldly beauty.

[26:54] Jamie Steiner: Yeah, look at this place. Exotic fantastical looking trees and flowers everywhere. Strange woodland creatures that seem normal until you look closer and realize they're a small griffin or a baby manticore. This is like something out of a fairy tale.

[27:07] Bryan Plofsky: And Into the Woods is a fairy tale and there's a narrator in that and everything works out fine.

[27:12] Kimberly Schmidt: See? We're fine.

[27:15] Jamie Steiner: It doesn't work out fine for the baker's wife or Jack's mom or Rapunzel or the steward or the narrator.

[27:21] Bryan Plofsky: Wow, Into the Woods is dark. But wait, narrator. Who's that person with you? I feel like I've seen them before.

[27:26] Unknown speaker: Them? They're the one who told me to summon you. They don't speak much but they sure listen a lot. That's why I've decided to call them Listener.

[27:38] Kimberly Schmidt: Hi, Listener. It's nice to meet you.

[27:41] Unknown speaker: Welcome, champions, to Starcher Quest Woods. I am the one who has summoned you, our fellowship of champions who will save the magical kingdom of Broadwastia by-

[27:52] Bryan Plofsky: I accept. I'll do it.

[27:54] Unknown speaker: You'll do what?

[27:55] Bryan Plofsky: I'll be the king of Broadwastia.

[27:57] Unknown speaker: No one said anything about needing a king of Broadwastia.

[28:01] Bryan Plofsky: Of course they need a king. That's always what happens in magical lands and they said it's a magical land. There's a fight or a battle and a normal guy from the regular world is transported to the magical land and becomes a hero and then ultimately becomes a king. So I'm a super regular guy.

[28:18] Bryan Plofsky: Plus, this is the kingdom of Broadwaystia, and I feel, as the host of Broadwaysted, it's only right I be the king of Broadwaystia.

[28:26] Kimberly Schmidt: Now wait just a Carmen Cusack minute here. If anyone is going to be king, it should be me. I've already governed my own corner.

[28:33] Kevin Jaeger: Will the two of you stop arguing? No one is asking either of you to be king.

[28:39] Bryan Plofsky: Sorry.

[28:40] Kimberly Schmidt: You aren't asking for them to be king, right? For the love of Carmen Cusack, please don't make them kings.

[28:45] Kevin Jaeger: Take the six queens. They are way more equipped to rule.

[28:48] Bryan Plofsky: Um, excuse me. I must confide with my friend here. Give us a moment.

[28:52] Bryan Plofsky: Listener, do you really believe that these people, they are the heroes we need? That they can save the holidays and all of Broadwaystia?

[29:02] Bryan Plofsky: All right, well, I'll take your word for it, but you better keep an eye on them for me. Here, I'm giving you this necklace with a diamond pendant. If you look closely, you'll see a glowing snowflake frozen in the middle of the diamond.

[29:15] Bryan Plofsky: This is a magical necklace called the Eye of Winter. With this, you will be able to travel seamlessly between all of the action that's about to unfold. That way you can keep an eye on all these ruffians. Just make sure that no matter what, they accomplish their mission to free Falkor and the Sisters of the Dragon from whatever has captured them and save the holidays. I'm putting my trust in you. All of Broadwaystia is putting our trust in you. Don't let us down.

[29:44] Kimberly Schmidt: Okay, sorry about that.

[29:46] Kevin Jaeger: No problem. While you were over there talking to each other, we did a little magic.

[29:50] Kimberly Schmidt: We didn't do magic. We just read the first part of the script and caught up on the story of Broadwaystia, Falkor, the Holiday Dragon, and the Three Sisters so that we're caught up on where we are and what's going on.

[30:01] Kevin Jaeger: Really great stuff. I must say, it's expertly crafted storytelling.

[30:06] Bryan Plofsky: Oh, you must say, huh?

[30:10] Kevin Jaeger: Narrator, where are Aer and Nakisha and Hayley?

[30:12] Unknown speaker: I don't understand. I brought you all here together, so they're supposed to be with you.

[30:16] Unknown speaker: I must have done something wrong.

[30:19] Unknown speaker: Right and wrong don't matter in the woods, Narrator.

[30:23] Unknown speaker: Who is that?

[30:25] Unknown speaker: The whole forest is filling up with a heavy fog that's making it hard to see anything or anyone, even all of you.

[30:31] Unknown speaker: And the air has somehow turned cold and icy like it's trying to freeze my heart to stop it from beating.

[30:38] Unknown speaker: Who's out there? Who's doing this?

[30:41] Unknown speaker: It is I, the Queen of Shadows. I am the ruler of darkness and the empress of evil.

[30:49] Unknown speaker: I've spent centuries banished to the outer regions of Broadwaystia by the cursed light of the holiday flame.

[30:57] Unknown speaker: For too long have I allowed the people of Broadwaystia to bask in the glow of the holiday spirit, being nice and caring and loving around their decorated trees or burning candles. No more!

[31:12] Unknown speaker: Now Falkor and the three sisters are mine. And the holidays are cancelled. Forever.

[31:19] Bryan Plofsky: So you're the one behind all of this. What have you done with our friends?

[31:23] Unknown speaker: Your friends seem to have lost their way and have been scattered throughout Broadwaystia. Aaron has tragically been pulled down into the depths of the bygone bog. Nakisha is trapped on the edge of a treacherous cliff in the Insermountain Range. And poor Hayley. She's wandering helplessly through the aviophobia plains.

[31:45] Unknown speaker: People get lost there and are never seen again.

[31:48] Kevin Jaeger: Set. Them. Free.

[31:50] Unknown speaker: Oh, I will. If you agree to go. Now. And leave the world of Broadwaystia. Here. You can take this portal back to your world. I'll even send you back a bit early so you can save your holiday ham and have the perfect holiday get-together. And Hayley, Aaron, and Nakisha will be there waiting for you. So all you have to do is leave.

[32:12] Bryan Plofsky: But if we leave, what will become of Broadwaystia?

[32:16] Unknown speaker: Nothing. I will just never release the three sisters or Falkor so that the holiday flame is never ignited. Thereby ensuring the holidays never happen here again and the entire land is covered in darkness and shadow and despair. It'll be fine.

[32:29] Kevin Jaeger: I don't know about you guys, but I can't go back and have a great holiday at home knowing there's a mythical kingdom that needs our help to save the holidays. We've been called on to be heroes. To be absolute legends in this world that carries the namesake of your pride and joy, Broadwaysted.

[32:45] Kimberly Schmidt: Broadwaystia.

[32:47] Bryan Plofsky: This magical land is called Broadwaystia.

[32:51] Kevin Jaeger: No, no, no, I know. It's a not-subtle play on the podcast title Broadwaysted.

[32:56] Kimberly Schmidt: What's Broadwaysted?

[32:58] Kevin Jaeger: What's a podcast?

[33:00] Bryan Plofsky: All I'm saying is we cannot walk away from this. This, my friends, is our destiny. And being sucked into a real D&D-style world is like your ultimate fantasy, isn't it?

[33:12] Kevin Jaeger: You literally have no idea how close I am to breaking down sobbing with joy right now. I want to call Lashy so bad, but my phone doesn't work because we are very clearly not in the same universe right now.

[33:25] Jay Schmidt: Okay, I'm with Jay. Let's be heroes. What do you all say?

[33:29] Jamie Steiner: I don't want to speak for Jamie, but...

[33:31] Jamie Steiner: We're in. Let's save the holidays.

[33:34] Kevin Jaeger: Kev?

[33:35] Bryan Plofsky: All I can say is you've got a problem, Shadow Queen. The BCU has landed in Broadwaystia, and we're here to save the day.

[33:44] Kimberly Schmidt: The holiday.

[33:45] Kevin Jaeger: The BCU.

[33:48] Bryan Plofsky: Broadwaysted Cinematic Universe?

[33:49] Kevin Jaeger: Like the MCU, but the BCU.

[33:51] Bryan Plofsky: It's Broadwaysted and Talking Horror and the Popcorn Project Podcast and Broadway Baby.

[33:56] Kimberly Schmidt: Wait, where is Broadway Baby?

[33:59] Bryan Plofsky: He was seeing Hamilton again, so he couldn't come.

[34:01] Kevin Jaeger: That tracks.

[34:02] Kimberly Schmidt: But wait, wouldn't it be BPU for Broadwaysted Podcast Universe instead of BCU for Broadwaysted Cinematic Universe? Since you aren't cinematic.

[34:10] Kevin Jaeger: We're cinematic!

[34:12] Bryan Plofsky: And automatic, systematic, hydromatic, we're Grizz Lightning!

[34:15] Kimberly Schmidt: Wait, what are we talking about?

[34:18] Kevin Jaeger: It's just the BCU because it sounds cooler.

[34:20] Kimberly Schmidt: Can we focus? We just challenged this crazy shadow lady, so let's be a unified front, please.

[34:26] Bryan Plofsky: I was just pointing out...

[34:27] Unknown speaker: Enough!

[34:29] Unknown speaker: I wouldn't waste too much time, heroes. Your poor friends don't have much. And you won't have time to save them one by one. You'll have to split up to save them all at the same time.

[34:40] Unknown speaker: United, you stand. Divided, you fall.

[34:44] Bryan Plofsky: Oh yeah, Queen of Shadows? Well then, I'll use my narration powers to connect the wall. That way they'll never be alone on their quests to save their friends. Then, once they've saved their friends and are banded together, they'll be powerful enough to destroy you and save Falkor and the three sisters. My narration powers will...

[35:06] Unknown speaker: They will be a problem, you're right. Unless...

[35:12] Unknown speaker: You're trapped on top of Mount Olympia Dukakus. Chained there so you can only be released if I am truly defeated.

[35:20] Bryan Plofsky: No!

[35:21] Kevin Jaeger: Wait, but... I'm the narrator! You can't do this to me!

[35:27] Kimberly Schmidt: I've never heard of a narrator being attacked like this, have any of you?

[35:31] Jamie Steiner: No, not really.

[35:33] Unknown speaker: Into the woods!

[35:35] Bryan Plofsky: You better hope they succeed and save you, or you'll be stuck up there forever.

[35:40] Jamie Steiner: Mr. Narrator!

[35:44] Kimberly Schmidt: Narrator, are you okay?

[35:45] Unknown speaker: I think he's gone.

[35:47] Bryan Plofsky: The Queen of Shadows made him disappear?

[35:50] Kevin Jaeger: Um, I don't think we lost the narrator yet.

[35:53] Jamie Steiner: I didn't hear him disappear or anything.

[35:55] Bryan Plofsky: No, we totally did lose him. The Shadow Queen just vanished the narrator.

[35:59] Kevin Jaeger: Wait, we lost the narrator?

[36:00] Bryan Plofsky: I can't see anything in this fog.

[36:02] Kimberly Schmidt: Okay, now I'm not so sure. Let's do a test.

[36:07] Bryan Plofsky: No one answer any of these questions unless you're the narrator, okay? Narrator? Are you there?

[36:14] Unknown speaker: Yes! I'm here!

[36:20] Bryan Plofsky: Come on, Jay, stop joking around. We need to figure out if we really lost the narrator.

[36:26] Unknown speaker: Are you all actually serious right now? This is so insulting!

[36:32] Unknown speaker: Yes, you just lost the narrator! We totally used dark magic to transport him from here to the top of Mount Olympia Dukakis. So no one can reach him but Falkor. Did you not hear me say any of that?

[36:43] Kevin Jaeger: Yeah, I mean, I heard you say it. I just, I didn't see or hear him disappear with my own eyes or ears. Like, there wasn't, like, a crazy sound.

[36:51] Bryan Plofsky: Yeah, magic should sound cool, you know? Like, it's magic. It needs to have, like, a cool noise. Like, it should be like a...

[36:59] Kevin Jaeger: Or like a...

[37:01] Bryan Plofsky: Or like, just like a...

[37:04] Kevin Jaeger: I just don't think you actually disappeared the narrator. I just think, like, you gagged him or something and he's still here in the fog somewhere.

[37:10] Jamie Steiner: Everyone just feel around for him, alright? Just, like, if you, like, touch his face or something. He's probably gagged. Just, like, call out, alright? Like Marco Polo, more face touching.

[37:20] All: Narrator! Narrator! Narrator!

[37:26] Unknown speaker: Stop doing that!

[37:28] Unknown speaker: Refrigerator?

[37:30] Unknown speaker: I teleported him to the top of Mount Olympia Dukakis! There is no sound. It's a silent, instantaneous spell. Most of the other ones make sounds, it's true. And I will admit that I understand your confusion since I've shrouded the entire forest in shadows so you can't see. So if there is no sound, I get how you thought that, but I didn't...

[37:49] Unknown speaker: But... Enough of this! I totally vanished him! He's gone!

[37:55] Bryan Plofsky: What will we do without a narrator?

[37:57] Kevin Jaeger: Dialogue-driven storytelling?

[38:02] Unknown speaker: Oh, laugh it up now. Just wait until you see how you emerge from the shadows. After all, if you're going to waste your time trying to save Broadwaystia, then you're going to be part of our world.

[38:12] Bryan Plofsky: What are you going to do? Transform us somehow so that we're part of your world?

[38:16] Unknown speaker: Ugh, there's the reference. Thank you. Of course, I could see where you were going. Much appreciated. Anyway, yes! You're going to fit in here alright. Oh, and this spell? Definitely makes a sound.

[38:37] Unknown speaker: I'm going to morph!

[38:43] Unknown speaker: What just happened?

[38:45] Unknown speaker: We'll call that session zero. The dice have been cast, and I've rolled your characters. Let your pathetic quest to save your friends and the holidays begin. Good luck trying to beat me. You're going to need it. Ha ha ha ha!

[39:06] Bryan Plofsky: I think she's gone.

[39:08] Kevin Jaeger: Does anyone else feel weird?

[39:10] Jamie Steiner: For sure.

[39:11] Kimberly Schmidt: Definitely.

[39:12] Jay Schmidt: Yeah, I felt like I was transforming or something, but honestly, I feel great now.

[39:16] Bryan Plofsky: Oh, look, the fog is lifting. I'm starting to be able to see again.

[39:20] Kevin Jaeger: Yeah, I think I see...

[39:22] Kimberly Schmidt: Yeah, it's Kimberly!

[39:24] Bryan Plofsky: And oh dear Carmen, Cusack Kimberly. It's nothing. You look totally and absolutely normal without anything to worry about.

[39:34] Jay Schmidt: Holy moly, Kimberly. Kevin's not the only ogre on the podcast now.

[39:38] Kimberly Schmidt: What?

[39:42] Unknown speaker: Hello, champions. I'm a humble citizen of Broadwaystia, who heard about your quest. You can call me the Drama Master. I'm here to help you along the way the best I can. Well, I'm not actually there. I'm a voice being magically projected from the safety of my house, far away from the dangerous action. I'm not able to take part in the action firsthand anymore, but I have a vast knowledge of Broadwaystia and the dangers that you're about to face, so I'm here to help. I'll be guiding you along the way. And the first thing I'm going to help you all do is understand your new forms.

[40:10] Kimberly Schmidt: Someone better tell me what the Carmen Cusack is going on.

[40:16] Unknown speaker: We'll start with you then, Kimberly. You are now the raw power of the team.

[40:20] Kimberly Schmidt: Okay, that sounds good. Girl power.

[40:24] Unknown speaker: You bring to the team your brute strength.

[40:26] Kimberly Schmidt: Did you say brute? Like champagne?

[40:30] Unknown speaker: Some might call you a violent and terrifying monster, but we just call you the giant half-orc ogre herself, Princess Fee Fie Fona.

[40:36] Kimberly Schmidt: I'm what?

[40:38] Unknown speaker: A giant half-orc that's a towering, terrifying monster, but I still love you.

[40:42] Kimberly Schmidt: This is ridiculous. I'm Princess Fee Fie Fona?

[40:46] Unknown speaker: Well, all right now, Drama Master. Let's hear about everyone else's terrible transformation.

[40:50] Unknown speaker: Next in your company is Bryan. Bryan, you are strong and deadly with any weapon and highly skilled in every form of combat. You're a charming, swashbuckling variant human, and you're a natural-born leader. I give you Serpunzalot.

[41:05] Bryan Plofsky: This transformation is amazing.

[41:07] Bryan Plofsky: Serpunzalot. I love it.

[41:11] Unknown speaker: And what's a variant human?

[41:13] Bryan Plofsky: A human, but cooler.

[41:15] Unknown speaker: Cool. Bryan, you look like a medieval ninja.

[41:17] Kimberly Schmidt: Wait a minute. He's just a taller and stronger version of me.

[41:21] Kevin Jaeger: A taller and stronger version of himself? How is this fair?

[41:25] Unknown speaker: Next in your fellowship, lithe and acrobatic, Jamie hides her face of legendary beauty and long, chocolate-brown hair under a crimson cloak and hood. She's a sneaky and evasive master of stealth and disguise. What she brings is more than just an air of mystery to the team. She is the cunning, young snow elf, Rogue Riding Hood.

[41:45] Jamie Steiner: I feel like I know things now. Many valuable things that I hadn't known before.

[41:49] Kimberly Schmidt: And you look really cute in your red hood.

[41:51] Jamie Steiner: Thanks.

[41:53] Bryan Plofsky: And Jamie is a hot elf? You have got to be kidding me.

[41:57] Unknown speaker: Our next champion is Dragonborn.

[41:59] Jay Schmidt: What does that mean?

[42:01] Unknown speaker: I'm half-dragon, baby!

[42:03] Unknown speaker: Of course you are. Jay can communicate with nature and art and use his magic to offer healing and protection. Jay can also use his special ability to Oscar Wild Shape and transform into any animal from a musical theater story.

[42:17] Jay Schmidt: That's amazing. Please let me have an awesome name.

[42:21] Unknown speaker: Here in Broadwaystia, all will call you Edwin Druid.

[42:25] Kimberly Schmidt: Look how adorable you look with your dress.

[42:27] Bryan Plofsky: I can face in your little woodsy hippie outfit and I'm like Shrek over here.

[42:32] Kimberly Schmidt: No, you're like Princess Fiona, not Shrek. The joke on your name.

[42:36] Bryan Plofsky: Yes, I get the joke, Sir Puns-a-Lot.

[42:39] Kevin Jaeger: And the final member of your party is a dwarf who showcases his charisma and magic through music and lyrics he uses to drive his team onto victory. He is the Broadwaysted Bard.

[42:50] Bryan Plofsky: I'm the shortest of the group for the first time in my life. The Broadwaysted Bard.

[42:58] Kevin Jaeger: I mean, if only there were a theater joke I could make about The Bard, but sadly, there's not a single theater reference that could be made from The Bard.

[43:07] Kimberly Schmidt: Wait, really?

[43:08] Bryan Plofsky: What about Shakespeare?

[43:09] Kevin Jaeger: Well, yeah, Brian, maybe Shakespeare could have come up with a theater joke about The Bard, but he's not here right now, is he?

[43:16] Kimberly Schmidt: Never mind.

[43:17] Kevin Jaeger: All right, champions, gotta hurry to save your friends. Here in front of you are three paths you must go down.

[43:23] Kevin Jaeger: One, to the left, will take you to the Bygone Bog, where Aaron is trapped. The second path, going straight ahead, will take you to the Insur Mountain Range to rescue Nikisha. The final path, to the right, will take you to Aviophobia Plains, where Hayley needs saving.

[43:38] Kevin Jaeger: Once you save your friends, keep heading north and you'll all meet up together at the edge of the Queen of Shadows' swirling storm cloud of doom engulfing the Forbidden Caves. I'll pop back in to help you whenever I can. Good luck, adventurers. The fate of the holidays is on your shoulders.

[43:58] Bryan Plofsky: All right, let's do this. Let's figure out a game plan, and then we can figure out a marching order.

[44:02] Kimberly Schmidt: I can't.

[44:04] Bryan Plofsky: Not like this.

[44:05] Kimberly Schmidt: This is ridiculous.

[44:06] Bryan Plofsky: This isn't how we're supposed to spend the holidays.

[44:08] Kimberly Schmidt: This is insane.

[44:09] Bryan Plofsky: What is even happening?

[44:11] Kimberly Schmidt: This is crazy.

[44:12] Kevin Jaeger: Kimberly, we can do this.

[44:15] Bryan Plofsky: And do you want to know how sure I am that we can do it?

[44:18] Kimberly Schmidt: How sure are you?

[44:19] Kevin Jaeger: I'm so sure I'm going to sing about it.

[44:31] Kevin Jaeger: So our friends are kidnapped and we're trapped in this strange land. And going on this journey's not the holiday we planned. And sure we could pout, sure we could dread, let it get to our head. Or we could sing a song instead.

[44:49] Kevin Jaeger: So look ahead and see us winning. These first steps are the beginning. Soon we'll all be grinning. As we say, we just saved the holiday today.

[45:03] Bryan Plofsky: What is he doing?

[45:04] Kimberly Schmidt: He's being a D&D bard.

[45:06] Bryan Plofsky: They inspire their comrades with the songs they use like spells.

[45:09] Kimberly Schmidt: Wow, I think it's working.

[45:13] Kevin Jaeger: So we made a portis of the immortal Shadow Queen. Banished our three friends cause she's a Grinch and really mean. She made a big mess.

[45:22] Bryan Plofsky: She really did.

[45:22] Kimberly Schmidt: Now you're a princess.

[45:24] Bryan Plofsky: A monster princess.

[45:24] Kevin Jaeger: And I confess the fear is strong. But not to fear to hear my song. Look ahead and see us winning. These first steps are the beginning. Soon we'll all be grinning. As we say, we just saved the holiday today.

[45:44] Kevin Jaeger: We'll save the holidays today. Can you believe it? We'll save the holidays today. We can achieve it. Let's not grieve. Things didn't go our way. The time has come to save the holiday.

[46:01] Bryan Plofsky: We can do this, everyone. Sir Ponzalot and I will go to the left to the bygone bog to save Aaron.

[46:07] Kimberly Schmidt: Bye, everyone. Good luck.

[46:09] Kevin Jaeger: And the princess and I, Mr. J. Edwin Druid, will go to the Insurmountain Range and save Nakisha.

[46:17] Bryan Plofsky: Take care, everyone.

[46:19] Kevin Jaeger: Amazing. And I, the Broadwaysted Bard, will go to the Aviophobia Plains to rescue Hayley. All by myself. Cause you're all gone. But if that's okay. I'm not alone. It ain't just me. I'm like a player on a team. I'm part of a gang. A member of the club.

[46:46] Kevin Jaeger: We'll save the holidays today. Can you believe it? We'll save the holidays today. We can achieve it. And we won't leave till things have gone our way. The BCU is here. So come what may. Broadway's here. We'll save the holiday.

[47:27] Kimberly Schmidt: Rogue Riding Hood, where have you gone off to? We seem to be coming to the end of the path. And by the looks and smell of this area, I'd say this is definitely the bygone bog.

[47:38] Bryan Plofsky: Where have you gone?

[47:39] Kimberly Schmidt: I'm right here. Stop doing that. You keep sneaking up behind me and scaring me.

[47:45] Bryan Plofsky: I'm sorry. I can't help it. My mastery of stealth is just so much fun.

[47:49] Kimberly Schmidt: Yeah, it may be fun, but we'll see how helpful it is when we get into a fight. And I have to do all the work while you're busy hiding in the shadows.

[47:56] Bryan Plofsky: Well, neither of us are going to get much further than the edge of this bog until we figure out one thing. How do we breathe underwater?

[48:02] Kimberly Schmidt: I don't know. I knew this was going to be a breathtaking adventure, but this is taking it a little too far. I've heard of holding your breath in anticipation, but this is crazy. I thought the only drowning we'd be doing would be drowning in victory.

[48:16] Bryan Plofsky: Wait, Ser Ponzalot, stop.

[48:17] Kimberly Schmidt: I can't stop. I'm Ser Ponzalot. I am what I am.

[48:20] Kimberly Schmidt: No, stop, because we're not alone. Someone else is here.

[48:23] Bryan Plofsky: Oh, I don't believe you. You're just trying to scare me.

[48:27] Kimberly Schmidt: No, really. They're right behind you.

[48:29] Bryan Plofsky: Yeah, sure. Nice try. Also, for the record, winter holiday specials aren't supposed to be scary.

[48:36] Kimberly Schmidt: Just turn around.

[48:37] Bryan Plofsky: Fine. I'll turn around and look and... Ah!

[48:40] Kimberly Schmidt: There's someone there.

[48:41] Bryan Plofsky: I told you that.

[48:43] Kimberly Schmidt: But don't freak out. It's just Listener.

[48:45] Bryan Plofsky: Oh, hi, Listener. You shouldn't lurk in the shadows like that. Rogue Riding Hood is doing enough of that for all of us.

[48:52] Kimberly Schmidt: Listener, you joined us at a perfect time. We're just about to descend into the bygone bog to save Aaron, but we have an issue. We don't know how to breathe underwater in the bygone bog.

[49:02] Bryan Plofsky: Maybe we'll just magically be able to breathe underwater in the bog because it's a holiday miracle?

[49:07] Kimberly Schmidt: I mean, that's a plausible hypothesis. Do you want to test the theory?

[49:12] Bryan Plofsky: Yes. Yes, I do.

[49:14] Kimberly Schmidt: All right, bog, I'm going to dive into and swim down and then take a deep breath and I'm totally going to be able to breathe underwater. Three, two, one, go.

[49:34] Bryan Plofsky: Nope. Not even close.

[49:36] Kimberly Schmidt: Ser Ponzalot, are you okay?

[49:39] Bryan Plofsky: Yeah, that just definitely didn't work.

[49:46] Kevin Jaeger: Hi, Ser Ponzalot and Rogue Riding Hood. It's me, the Drama Master. I've opened this magical psychic link with you so I can communicate through your minds. You got to swim into the depths of the bygone bog and retrieve Aaron before he's trapped down there forever. Now, you're going to need some magic to breathe down there.

[50:01] Kimberly Schmidt: Yes, please.

[50:03] Kevin Jaeger: Got you covered. Near the edge of the bygone bog, you should see two giant, beautiful flowers that have somehow miraculously fused their stems together. So they are two different flowers at the top of one common stem.

[50:14] Kimberly Schmidt: Um, let's see. They've got to be here somewhere.

[50:16] Bryan Plofsky: There, I see them. Right there. They must be 20 feet tall. One is a beautiful daisy. And the other a breathtaking violet.

[50:24] Kevin Jaeger: That's them, Daisy and Violet. Speak to those two about how to breathe underwater. But remember, everything comes at a price.

[50:32] Kimberly Schmidt: We have to save Aaron, whatever the cost.

[50:35] Bryan Plofsky: Rogue Riding Hood, let's head off to let two gigantic conjoined flowers determine our future.

[50:41] Kevin Jaeger: Good luck, heroes. I'm going to leave you to it. Stay safe, and I hope you save your friend. I'll speak to you on the other side of the bog.

[50:50] Kimberly Schmidt: Thanks, Drama Master. Drama Master, out!

[50:57] Bryan Plofsky: All right, Rogue Riding Hood, we're on our own. Let's head off and get some double trouble flower power.

[51:07] Kimberly Schmidt: All right, Rogue, let's approach these flowers with caution. We don't know what kind of flowers they'll be.

[51:11] Bryan Plofsky: What do you mean?

[51:15] Kimberly Schmidt: Yeah, what do you mean?

[51:16] Bryan Plofsky: Well, I didn't think you'd be talking flowers.

[51:23] Kimberly Schmidt: Really? I kind of saw that coming.

[51:25] Bryan Plofsky: Well, the idea was beginning to take seed in my brain. Get it, flowers? Take seed in my brain?

[51:31] Kimberly Schmidt: Hi, this is Sir Puns-a-Lot.

[51:33] Bryan Plofsky: Clearly.

[51:35] Kimberly Schmidt: And I'm Rogue Riding Hood. We need your help.

[51:37] Daisy: You need our help?

[51:41] Violet: Well, maybe we aren't the kind of flowers who help people.

[51:44] Daisy: We've got to be able to breathe underwater so we can swim into the bygone bog and rescue our friend.

[51:51] Violet: Please help us.

[51:52] Daisy: Wow, you're going to choose to dive into the depths of the bygone bog? That just sounds so crazy to me.

[51:56] Violet: What? Going into the depths of the bygone bog? Diving. I'm a flower. The thought of diving sounds so crazy.

[52:06] Daisy: Please give us a way to breathe underwater.

[52:08] Violet: Gee, Daisy, it sounds like to me that these two are asking for a gift.

[52:14] Daisy: How interesting, because it should be the holiday season in Broadwaystia right now. And Violet and I, well, we're so beautiful that we're always showered with presents during the holiday season.

[52:24] Violet: Positively dripping in presents. It's truly quite a sight. But sadly, with the holiday flame not burning, no one in Broadwaystia has been in a giving mood, so we haven't received a single gift.

[52:37] Daisy: Not even one little tiny gift. But if perhaps we received a gift from each of you, then maybe we might be in the giving mood to give you a gift to help you save your friend.

[52:49] Violet: And trust us, you want to save him from down there, if you can.

[52:54] Bryan Plofsky: Do you want our weapons?

[52:56] Daisy: Oh, no. What would we do with those?

[52:59] Violet: No. We want something personal. Do you have anything with you?

[53:04] Bryan Plofsky: Through the transformation from Bryannis Rapunzelot, I strangely retained all the things I had in my pockets.

[53:10] Kimberly Schmidt: I did too. And all I had in my pockets was my wallet, my keys, my phone, and my gift for you.

[53:16] Bryan Plofsky: A gift for me?

[53:18] Kimberly Schmidt: No, my gift for Jamie. I mean, Rogue Riding Hood. We decided this year, instead of getting presents for each other, we were going to write each other letters telling each other how we felt about one another.

[53:30] Bryan Plofsky: So I wrote mine, and I've had it in my pocket ever since. I've held it close to my heart, just like her.

[53:36] Kimberly Schmidt: I've had my letter for you in my pocket this whole time too. I felt like it made it more special if it stayed close to me for a while, like it made the words more real.

[53:44] Daisy: These letters sound so sweet and touching and intimate, and they will probably be immensely important to your relationship going forward.

[53:53] Violet: So we want them?

[53:55] Bryan Plofsky: Yep. Those are the perfect presents for us.

[53:59] Kimberly Schmidt: Are you kidding? How could you ever enjoy someone's profession of love to someone else?

[54:03] Bryan Plofsky: Seriously? Well, except for Tony singing Maria from West Side Story. I mean, that song is so, so perfect. We all feel his love.

[54:11] Kimberly Schmidt: Oh, and I am telling you, from Dreamgirls, it's one of the greatest moments in musical theater history for its raw emotional vulnerability. Plus, one could argue that all of Phantom of the Opera is Andrew Lloyd Webber's love letter to Sarah Brightman, and Jekyll and Hyde is Frank Wildhorn's love letter to Linda Edder, but like, besides that...

[54:31] Daisy: Look, just give us the holiday love letters. It's the only way we'll help you breathe underwater and save your friend.

[54:37] Bryan Plofsky: What do you think?

[54:38] Kimberly Schmidt: Well, I think I don't need a letter to know you love me, but we need to be able to save Aaron.

[54:45] Bryan Plofsky: Yeah, out of Aaron and our letters, there's a clear thing to sacrifice here.

[54:49] Kimberly Schmidt: All right, Daisy, here. This is my letter sharing my love for Sir Ponzalot. Happy holidays!

[54:56] Bryan Plofsky: And here, Violet. This is my letter expressing my love for Rogue Riding Hood. We're doing everything we can to save the holiday season here in Broadwaystia, but if these can bring you joy during this tough time, it's the least we can do. Happy holidays.

[55:10] Daisy: Wow, thank you so much, you shouldn't have.

[55:13] Violet: Oh, I know. I'd forgotten what it feels like to receive a present.

[55:17] Daisy: And I'd forgotten what it feels like to write a love letter to fiancé to only end up giving it to a giant anthropomorphic conjoined flower.

[55:24] Violet: Okay, now I'm filled with the holiday spirit.

[55:26] Daisy: Me too.

[55:28] Violet: So here's a gift for each of you from us.

[55:32] Bryan Plofsky: Thank you so much.

[55:33] Kimberly Schmidt: Wait, you have to guess what it is before we give it to you.

[55:36] Bryan Plofsky: Okay, is it some way to breathe underwater?

[55:40] Daisy: Is she serious? Did that just happen?

[55:42] Violet: What? You can't guess what a gift actually is when someone tells you to guess.

[55:47] Daisy: Never! Even if everyone in the room knows you know what the gift is.

[55:51] Kimberly Schmidt: I'm sorry, it's just when you asked me to guess, it was all I could think of.

[55:55] Bryan Plofsky: Fine, we're only going to forgive you because you gave up your holiday love letters.

[55:59] Daisy: But like, be better next time. Don't be the thorn in our bouquet.

[56:04] Violet: Okay, so without further ado, help me Daisy.

[56:10] Daisy: From the strongest magic we can control, here are your gifts.

[56:16] Violet: Open them.

[56:17] Bryan Plofsky: Thank you so much.

[56:19] Kimberly Schmidt: Thank you for giving us sneakers with wheels in them.

[56:23] Bryan Plofsky: Oh my gosh, are these...

[56:25] Kimberly Schmidt: Heelys?

[56:26] Daisy: That's right, pal. Exactly what you need to breathe underwater.

[56:30] Bryan Plofsky: All right, Sir Ponzalot. Clearly they're teasing us because obviously these won't.

[56:34] Kimberly Schmidt: Oh my gosh, thank you! These are perfect!

[56:36] Unknown speaker: These will totally work!

[56:38] Unknown speaker: What?

[56:38] Unknown speaker: Rogue Riding Hood, when Disney's The Little Mermaid played on Broadway, the underwater creatures moved around the stage on Heelys.

[56:42] Unknown speaker: They're underwater creatures, and they can all breathe underwater, so clearly the Heelys will work!

[56:51] Unknown speaker: Please tell me you see the problem with this logic, that the shoes that were part of the costumes of Disney's The Little Mermaid on Broadway are going to help us breathe under actual water in the bygone bog?

[57:01] Unknown speaker: Oh, Rogue, you're totally right.

[57:04] Unknown speaker: Thank you! I was starting to worry, though. Clearly Heelys work when it's under the sea, which is salt water.

[57:11] Unknown speaker: But what about bog water? How do you know that these will work for us in the bygone bog?

[57:16] Unknown speaker: Because the Heelys you both are about to put on were two of the pairs of Heelys worn by the original Ariel in Disney's The Little Mermaid on Broadway.

[57:25] Unknown speaker: Oh, of course! That explains everything.

[57:28] Unknown speaker: What?

[57:29] Unknown speaker: Thank you for these, Daisy and Violet. And happy holidays! We're going to go now and save our friend.

[57:35] Unknown speaker: Come on, Rogue.

[57:36] Unknown speaker: Bye, Serpunzelot! Can't wait to read your intimate thoughts and feelings that were intended for only one person's eyes!

[57:42] Unknown speaker: Good luck! Don't get sucked into the bygone bog forever!

[57:47] Unknown speaker: Thanks! Come on, Rogue, let's go.

[57:54] Unknown speaker: But, Serpunzelot, how are you so sure these Heelys are going to work just because they were worn by the original Ariel?

[58:01] Unknown speaker: Because the original Ariel on Broadway was Sierra Boggess. Boggess. Do you get it now?

[58:07] Unknown speaker: It scares me, but I actually do get it.

[58:10] Unknown speaker: All right, here we are, back at the edge of the bygone bog. Got your Heelys on?

[58:15] Unknown speaker: That's a phrase I never thought I'd hear you say to me, but yes, I do.

[58:19] Unknown speaker: Me too. Okay, let's go and—

[58:21] Unknown speaker: Oh, wait! But what about the listener here? How can they come along if we were only given two sets of Heelys?

[58:28] Unknown speaker: Wait, what's that, listener? You're already wearing a pair of Sierra Boggess' Heelys from The Little Mermaid because you bought them at the Broadway flea market and haven't taken them off since?

[58:37] Unknown speaker: Wow, that's...convenient.

[58:39] Unknown speaker: Wait, did the listener speak to you?

[58:41] Unknown speaker: I heard them, in my mind.

[58:43] Unknown speaker: That's spooky-dooky, and we promised Kimberly no spooky-dooky stuff.

[58:47] Unknown speaker: We're in a fairytale land trying to save our friends, Serpunzelot. All bets are off. Come on, let's quickly jump under the water, okay? Ready, set, go!

[59:01] Unknown speaker: I can't believe it. These Heelys are working. I can breathe, and I can move gracefully through the water like a mermaid.

[59:07] Unknown speaker: Yeah, me too. I don't know why everybody made the bygone Bogg seem so scary. This is totally pleasant.

[59:13] Unknown speaker: Well, besides the fact that the temperatures seem to be dropping at a drastic rate and there are large, dark, shadowy figures approaching in the water, this is totally fine.

[59:24] Unknown speaker: Hurry, Serpunzelot. Hide with me in the shadows of the murky water.

[59:27] Unknown speaker: Hide with me in the shadows of the murky water.

[59:29] Unknown speaker: I do not share your skill for stealth, my love. I must stand and fight, while swim and fight.

[59:35] Unknown speaker: Then I will stand, or swim, with you.

[59:38] Unknown speaker: Who approaches us in this dark and murky water? Make yourself known!

[59:42] Unknown speaker: We were known. It is you who have forgotten us.

[59:47] Unknown speaker: What? What do you mean?

[59:49] Unknown speaker: This newcomer will be no use to you, Punzelot. She is relatively new to your mythos, and therefore we don't know her.

[59:58] Unknown speaker: She will have nothing to offer. She is worthless.

[1:00:03] Unknown speaker: You better not be talking about me.

[1:00:05] Unknown speaker: Who else could we be talking about? The sweet, quiet one who's just listening to everything?

[1:00:09] Unknown speaker: Of course we mean you.

[1:00:10] Unknown speaker: And so, you have to go. Out of our Bogg. You may wait at the edge of the Bogg for Brian to resurface.

[1:00:19] Unknown speaker: If he ever does, now go. Go!

[1:00:22] Unknown speaker: There, that's better. Now she's gone, and it's just us.

[1:00:36] Unknown speaker: Is she alright?

[1:00:37] Unknown speaker: Oh, she's fine. She's standing now at the edge of the Bogg, frantically trying to dive back in and get to you.

[1:00:44] Unknown speaker: It's actually sweet, if it weren't so annoying. You'll see her again, and save your friend Aaron, if you can name the three of us.

[1:00:53] Unknown speaker: Is this like a Rumpelstiltskin thing? Names are important, Sir Punzelot. No one deserves to be forgotten. No one deserves to fade away.

[1:01:02] Unknown speaker: I completely agree.

[1:01:04] Unknown speaker: Do you really? Well, we'll see if you've forgotten us. Since it's supposed to be the holiday season, we're in a strangely giving mood.

[1:01:13] Unknown speaker: We shall each give you one hint as to our identity. This should not be hard. All three of us were important in the beginning.

[1:01:21] Unknown speaker: When your fellowship wasn't eight members, but three.

[1:01:25] Unknown speaker: You mean back at the beginning of Broadwasted? But I still don't know who you are.

[1:01:29] Unknown speaker: You did, but things have changed over the years. Some things were forgotten or ignored.

[1:01:35] Unknown speaker: Like toys you received one year for the holidays that you forgot about the next year. And those things slowly faded from the present to the past and became bygone memories.

[1:01:46] Unknown speaker: And so they made their homes here. Like us. Here in the bygone Bogg. And meet our newest resident, Aaron J. Albano.

[1:02:03] Unknown speaker: Brian, help me!

[1:02:06] Unknown speaker: Aaron, what are you doing? Don't call me Brian. It's Sir Punzle out here.

[1:02:10] Unknown speaker: Really? That's how you're going to react to me shouting to you when I've been kidnapped and dragged to the depths of this terrifying Bogg by these Bogg creatures?

[1:02:16] Unknown speaker: Well, of course you got kidnapped. Don't you always get kidnapped in these radio plays?

[1:02:21] Unknown speaker: What? No! I'm pretty sure this is my first time being kidnapped.

[1:02:24] Unknown speaker: No. In the first ever radio play, you were totally kidnapped.

[1:02:27] Unknown speaker: No way. I wasn't kidnapped. Kevin was kidnapped. And I think I was a kidnapper. Or I helped in some way in the kidnapping of Kevin. Right?

[1:02:35] Unknown speaker: Or was I an evil cat? I can't remember. Can we cut and look that up? Kevin, can we cut?

[1:02:41] Unknown speaker: Can you put in that DJ scratching the disc noise thing so we can time out the story and chat a second?

[1:02:46] Unknown speaker: Kevin? Kevin?

[1:02:48] Unknown speaker: Is he alright? Who is he talking to?

[1:02:51] Unknown speaker: It's just, Kevin, he always does one of those cutaway things in the radio plays with the DJ scratching the record noise, and it's like a time out in the story, and it's usually with me, so I just thought, never mind.

[1:03:01] Unknown speaker: Oh no, it seems being in the bygone Bogg has really started to get to him.

[1:03:05] Unknown speaker: I'm sorry I yelled at you, Aaron, but I'm going to save you, okay? Just hang on.

[1:03:09] Unknown speaker: Or maybe Aaron belongs here in the bygone Bogg.

[1:03:13] Unknown speaker: Honestly, he does. He's from our time. It's time you retire him, just like you did us.

[1:03:20] Unknown speaker: How long can one person be so important as a side character on a podcast?

[1:03:24] Unknown speaker: He's on tour now, anyway. You might as well forget about him.

[1:03:28] Unknown speaker: No, it doesn't matter where he is around the country or around the world. Aaron is a part of the broad-waisted family, and nothing is going to change that.

[1:03:37] Unknown speaker: So come on, bygone creatures, I'll play your guessing game. Let's begin.

[1:03:41] Unknown speaker: As you wish. Oh, and I forgot to mention that if you get any of your guesses wrong, you and Aaron will be trapped in the depths of the bygone Bogg forever.

[1:03:48] Unknown speaker: But you already said, let's begin, which in broad-waist-ia makes a legally binding contract.

[1:03:59] Unknown speaker: Just by saying the words, let's begin? What a strange law. But regardless, I shall unmask you all like the Phantom of the Opera. Who shall be first to feel the wrath of my guessing?

[1:04:10] Unknown speaker: Me. Here is your hint. I was a plea for a free way to see LMM and the OC.

[1:04:18] Unknown speaker: I'll say it again. I was a plea for a free way to see LMM and the OC.

[1:04:26] Unknown speaker: Okay, I can do this. A plea for a free way to see LMM and the OC.

[1:04:32] Unknown speaker: What is LMM and the OC that would apply to the beginning of broad-waisted?

[1:04:38] Unknown speaker: A plea for a free way to see... Oh, wait, I've got it. The plea for a free way to see Lin-Manuel Miranda and the original cast.

[1:04:46] Unknown speaker: You're our old segment Kev4Ham, where Kevin did wacky things to beg Lin for tickets to Hamilton. When it just came out, you're Kev4Ham.

[1:04:52] Unknown speaker: I am. I was a pivotal part of your every episode, and then nothing.

[1:05:02] Unknown speaker: Well, Kevin got to go and see Hamilton, and so we moved on to new things to talk about and new segments to explore, like Kevin's Corner.

[1:05:11] Unknown speaker: I guess, in a way, Kev4Ham walked so Kevin's Corner could sprint aimlessly in circles before beelining straight into the wall.

[1:05:19] Unknown speaker: So it was the natural evolution of the show that had you fade away. No hard feelings.

[1:05:25] Unknown speaker: We had some good times, though, right?

[1:05:28] Unknown speaker: Some great times. Some of the Kev4Ham moments were the best parts of early episodes.

[1:05:33] Unknown speaker: Thanks, Brian. I mean, Sir Penzelot.

[1:05:37] Unknown speaker: Okay, you got one of us right, but there's two more chances to make a mistake and stay with us forever. Here's my hint. See if you can figure it out.

[1:05:46] Unknown speaker: The extra fun that's being done for crowds of 400 or 281. I'll repeat. The extra fun that's being done for crowds of 400 or 281.

[1:05:58] Unknown speaker: Okay. Extra fun. Got it. That's being done for crowds of 400 or 281.

[1:06:04] Unknown speaker: 400 or 281. What do those mean?

[1:06:07] Unknown speaker: Those aren't giant crowds like a stadium or a Broadway theater. They're smaller, like...

[1:06:13] Unknown speaker: That's it. A Broadway theater has more than 500 seats. Between 99 and 499, where 400 and 281 both lie, those would be off-Broadway shows, so extra fun off-Broadway.

[1:06:25] Unknown speaker: Why, you must be off-Broadwaysted.

[1:06:28] Unknown speaker: I am. I was an entire subseason of episodes. I dominated the Friday airwaves, and then I vanished from existence.

[1:06:37] Unknown speaker: Yeah, off-Broadwaysted was an amazing run of episodes highlighting incredible shows, that's for sure.

[1:06:43] Unknown speaker: But Broadwaysted integrated off-Broadway content into our regular Tuesday episodes, while we explored other avenues for bonus episodes, like the radio plays or the Broadwaysted movie club, for instance.

[1:06:55] Unknown speaker: Do you think you'll ever do an off-Broadwaysted segment again?

[1:06:59] Unknown speaker: Honestly, I wouldn't put it past us to do it again one day.

[1:07:02] Unknown speaker: Really? Thanks, Sir Punzelot.

[1:07:05] Unknown speaker: All right, you two, that's enough reconciliation. Sir Punzelot is two for two. Only one more correct guess, and he's out of here with his friend, and we're stuck down here forever.

[1:07:15] Unknown speaker: My hint isn't a fun rhyme like the other two. In fact, my hint isn't words at all.

[1:07:23] Unknown speaker: Well, an audible verbal hint is usually preferred in this medium of radio musicals, as this medium is very sound-focused.

[1:07:30] Unknown speaker: Oh, I know all about this medium. I help keep it going, and going, and going, and going.

[1:07:44] Unknown speaker: How strange. I'm in the middle of an adventure, in peril, trying to save my friend separated from my love, and yet suddenly I feel so sleepy.

[1:07:57] Unknown speaker: Brian. Brian. Brian.

[1:08:04] Unknown speaker: What? Hello?

[1:08:06] Unknown speaker: Oh, Brian, you fell asleep. I can't believe you did that.

[1:08:09] Unknown speaker: I can. We were up all night preparing for this, and here we are. We're about to record our very first episode of Broadwasted.

[1:08:18] Unknown speaker: What? What are you talking about? No, we were about to save the holidays. I was in the bygone bog with Aaron.

[1:08:24] Unknown speaker: The bygone bog? What are you talking about, silly?

[1:08:28] Unknown speaker: Yeah, Mr. Silly Man, that all sounds pretty preposterous.

[1:08:32] Unknown speaker: It was so real. We were celebrating the holidays, and we got pulled into the magical land of Broadwastia. I was trying to save Aaron, and you were both trying to save Nakisha and Hayley.

[1:08:42] Unknown speaker: Who is Aaron? And Nakisha? Do we know a Hayley? What are you talking about, Brian?

[1:08:48] Unknown speaker: You better stop talking silly before Lucreta gets here, our very first guest.

[1:08:53] Unknown speaker: No, it was real. You have to believe me. This isn't our first episode. Things feel off.

[1:08:58] Unknown speaker: Fine. I'll believe you.

[1:09:00] Unknown speaker: Yeah, me too. Really?

[1:09:02] Unknown speaker: Yeah, but only if you can tell me the best way to get the most amazing tickets at the most affordable prices.

[1:09:09] Unknown speaker: What? What are you talking about?

[1:09:11] Unknown speaker: Come on, this one should be easy. They're number one in customer service, and their satisfaction is guaranteed.

[1:09:16] Unknown speaker: They're my number one go-to for tickets for Broadway, off-Broadway, concerts, comedy, dance, and so much more.

[1:09:23] Unknown speaker: What is wrong with the both of you? What is happening?

[1:09:26] Unknown speaker: Nothing's wrong, especially when you use our code to get 20% off your first purchase.

[1:09:31] Unknown speaker: So what do you say, Brian? What do you say?

[1:09:35] Unknown speaker: I say that you're Dream Sequence Ad Spots.

[1:09:39] Unknown speaker: I am, and that used to stand for something on this podcast. That used to matter. No more.

[1:09:44] Unknown speaker: All right, you win. You guessed all of our names. So now you're free.

[1:09:48] Unknown speaker: And so is your friend.

[1:10:00] Unknown speaker: Brian, you did it!

[1:10:01] Unknown speaker: No, we did it.

[1:10:03] Unknown speaker: You mean you and me?

[1:10:04] Unknown speaker: We did it.

[1:10:05] Unknown speaker: You mean you and me?

[1:10:06] Unknown speaker: Well, yes, but all of us. And each of you.

[1:10:09] Unknown speaker: You mean us?

[1:10:11] Unknown speaker: Yeah! Broadwayasted is what it is today because of the segments like Off-Broadwaysted, Kev4Ham, and Dream Sequence Ad Spots.

[1:10:20] Unknown speaker: We may not do those things anymore, but our growth and evolution all stem from your incredible influence on us and on the show.

[1:10:27] Unknown speaker: Yes, Brian. Exactly the same way your podcast matured and grew and changed your lives, and thus your holidays will change as you grow and mature.

[1:10:36] Unknown speaker: So, it's okay if things aren't exactly the way they used to be. They shouldn't be the same. Change is good. Change means that you grow.

[1:10:45] Bryan Plofsky: We're all continuing to evolve and explore the path of life you're following. If things stayed the same, you'd all be frozen in one spot. And right now, your life has taken you to a very different spot. And that's exciting and scary and difficult and amazing. It's all of those things. But the one thing that Broadwaysted will always be, even for discarded segments like us, is family. And family is forever. Changes and all. Plus, you're always just a text or a Zoom call away.

[1:11:16] Kevin Jaeger: Well, you two better get going.

[1:11:17] Kimberly Schmidt: Yeah.

[1:11:18] Kevin Jaeger: You won fair and square. And we'll stay here. Alone. Forgotten.

[1:11:24] Bryan Plofsky: No way. Anytime a new listener discovers Broadwaysted and delves into the back catalog of over 300 plus episodes, they'll discover you. And you'll be remembered all over again.

[1:11:36] Kimberly Schmidt: Really?

[1:11:37] Kevin Jaeger: Yeah, absolutely. You're a part of the Broadwaysted family. Even if you are terrifying humanoid representations of past segments from the podcast.

[1:11:46] Bryan Plofsky: So what do you say?

[1:11:47] Kevin Jaeger: Well, I say I think we all better get out of this bog.

[1:11:50] Kimberly Schmidt: But where will we go?

[1:11:52] Kevin Jaeger: I've heard of a really great place, much better than the bygone bog. It's called the Syndication Suburbs.

[1:11:58] Bryan Plofsky: Sounds like it's somewhere that's green.

[1:12:01] Kevin Jaeger: Let's do it.

[1:12:02] Kimberly Schmidt: I totally love all of this for you three, but can you help us out of here first?

[1:12:06] Bryan Plofsky: Of course. Ready? Set? Here we go.

[1:12:18] Kevin Jaeger: Whoa.

[1:12:19] Kimberly Schmidt: Brian, are you okay?

[1:12:21] Bryan Plofsky: Don't you mean Serpunzelot?

[1:12:23] Kimberly Schmidt: I mean you. Are you okay?

[1:12:25] Bryan Plofsky: Yeah, I'm okay. I'm great, actually.

[1:12:28] Kevin Jaeger: And I'm good, too.

[1:12:29] Kimberly Schmidt: Aaron, I'm so glad you're safe.

[1:12:31] Bryan Plofsky: Serpunzelot did it. He saved you.

[1:12:33] Kimberly Schmidt: I knew he would.

[1:12:34] Kevin Jaeger: Yeah, he really vanquished those bad guys.

[1:12:37] Bryan Plofsky: Yeah, they were the worst. Glad he totally defeated them.

[1:12:41] Kimberly Schmidt: What's going on? Did you come here to fight?

[1:12:43] Kevin Jaeger: No. Actually, I made peace with the past and showed them how they're still a part of our world in the present, like the history behind the traditions we celebrate with our loved ones during the holiday season. They remind us why they are important, and why what's important is being together, not living up to some nostalgia-fueled expectation of perfection.

[1:13:03] Bryan Plofsky: Wow. I'm really proud of you, Serpunzelot.

[1:13:06] Kimberly Schmidt: Me, too.

[1:13:07] Kevin Jaeger: Oh, yeah. I'm in on this proud thing.

[1:13:10] Bryan Plofsky: I'm violently proud.

[1:13:11] Kimberly Schmidt: Violently proud might be a bit overboard.

[1:13:14] Kevin Jaeger: Sorry. I don't know where that came from.

[1:13:16] Bryan Plofsky: All right. Let's head this way, Kev4Ham and Dream Sequence Ad Spots. We can catch a bus to the Syndication Suburbs.

[1:13:22] Kimberly Schmidt: Hey, listener. Before we go, we have a present for you. I mean, it's the holidays and all, isn't it? Even if we don't have some big torch burning in the center of the land. And we thought this gift was just perfect for you. So, here.

[1:13:37] Kevin Jaeger: The Bygone Megaphone.

[1:13:40] Bryan Plofsky: Yes, we know the name is a bit of a stretch, but it's from all of us. It will magically amplify any voice you want it to. We just thought that could really come in handy for someone like you. Good luck on your quest, and happy holidays. Bye!

[1:13:55] Kimberly Schmidt: All right, Rogue Riding Hood and Aaron.

[1:13:59] Kevin Jaeger: Ooh, Jamie, you're called Rogue Riding Hood now? That's so fun! I love it!

[1:14:01] Kimberly Schmidt: Want to see my stealth powers?

[1:14:04] Kevin Jaeger: Sure, go ahead and...

[1:14:10] Bryan Plofsky: Wait, where did she go?

[1:14:11] Kevin Jaeger: All right, we better get heading north to meet up with the others. Hopefully, Edwin Druid and Princess Fee5Fona will be able to rescue Nakisha. And the broad-waisted Bard will go save Hayley and meet us for the final showdown with the Queen of Shadows.

[1:14:24] Kimberly Schmidt: You're gonna have to fill me in on who those people are, because besides Nakisha and Hayley, I was totally lost.

[1:14:29] Bryan Plofsky: I'll tell you on the walk. But shouldn't we find Rogue Riding Hood? She could be...

[1:14:32] Kevin Jaeger: Right here!

[1:14:33] Kimberly Schmidt: Whoa! Rogue Riding Hood, you scared me half to death.

[1:14:36] Bryan Plofsky: This is gonna be a fun walk. Come on, wait, Listener, what's up? Why have you stopped dead in your tracks holding your magical necklace called the Eye of Winter in your hands?

[1:14:46] Kevin Jaeger: Because you need to go and check in on our friends, right? Well, stay safe and help them if you can. Bye, Listener! We'll see you soon!

[1:14:53] Bryan Plofsky: The End.

[1:15:01] Kimberly Schmidt: Listener? Is that you? How's everything going? You're smiling, so it must be good news. Give me a thumbs up if one of the broad-waisted champions saved their friend.

[1:15:13] Kevin Jaeger: Oh, good! Who was it?

[1:15:16] Bryan Plofsky: Oh, right, you can't tell me. Well, I guess it's good that...

[1:15:19] Kimberly Schmidt: Oh, wait! Look! From up here on the top of Mount Olympia du Carcass, you can see all of Broadwaister. And as you'll see, all of the land is shrouded from view by the same dark, shadowy clouds that also circle around the Forbidden Caves. Those clouds are the Queen of Shadows' influence, spreading throughout the land. But then look, over there, where the bygone bog is.

[1:15:37] Kevin Jaeger: The dark cloud is dissipating.

[1:15:40] Bryan Plofsky: I can see the bygone bog clearly. So, that must mean that Brian and Jamie have saved Aaron! This is great news. One down, two more to go. Though I must say, your next pair of heroes have run into a little problem. Well, a giant problem, really. And a problem that seems too giant for even a giant to conquer. But you'd better hurry to see what you can do to aid them along. Go and keep up the good work. The holiday depends on it.

[1:16:30] Kimberly Schmidt: Ah! Who's there? Oh, listener, it's you! You scared me. How is everyone else? Are Sir Ponzalot and Rogue Riding Hood okay?

[1:16:40] Bryan Plofsky: Oh, wow, they were successful in their mission to save Aaron? That's great!

[1:16:44] Kevin Jaeger: Did you hear that, Princess Fifiona? Ponzalot and Mrs. Hood saved Aaron from the bygone bog!

[1:16:50] Kimberly Schmidt: I didn't hear that, because you didn't hear that, Jay.

[1:16:53] Bryan Plofsky: Listener didn't say anything.

[1:16:55] Kevin Jaeger: Well, the way they just looked at me, I knew. Kind of how Timmy could understand Lassie's barks, you know?

[1:17:02] Kimberly Schmidt: Wait, maybe if I turned back into a dog, that would help you, Princess Fifiona.

[1:17:05] Bryan Plofsky: What about Bruiser from Legally Blonde?

[1:17:08] Kevin Jaeger: You go, girl! I'm a tiny little dog! You can do it!

[1:17:12] Kimberly Schmidt: Just bend and snap that mountain in half! I'm a tiny little dog!

[1:17:16] Bryan Plofsky: It's no use, Edwin Druid. I can't. I just can't.

[1:17:20] Kevin Jaeger: Uh, listener, to be honest, we're having a bit of a problem here. I wish I could report we've made amazing progress in our quest to save Nakisha here in the Insert Mountain Range, but after we arrived, all I've done is turn into Zazer from The Lion King and fly to the highest peak, where I saw Nakisha tied up, waiting for us to come save her. And all Princess Fifiona has done is keep saying...

[1:17:41] Kimberly Schmidt: I can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't.

[1:17:44] Bryan Plofsky: Look at this treacherous mountainside. The very few handholds and footholds available are made for someone much smaller than me. And then, when you start to get higher, it gets even harder. I can't climb like this. I am a giant half-orc ogre now. I can't just scale a mountain and be the hero, when I am trapped in the body of what is clearly the villain.

[1:18:05] Kevin Jaeger: But all you have to do is try, Princess Fifiona. Just try and...

[1:18:10] Kimberly Schmidt: I'll fail! I know it! Just like I've been trying to make the perfect holiday for us, so that it would compete with the amazing holidays you had with your family growing up. I want you to reminisce about holidays spent with me when we're old. But when I burned the ham and we all got transported to a magical land where some of our friends got kidnapped... I try and be in control of everything, but I just can't.

[1:18:32] Bryan Plofsky: Oh, come on, Princess Fifiona. We can do this. You just have to...

[1:18:35] Kimberly Schmidt: No, Jay. No more fantasy. No more games. This isn't possible. Look at this terrifying mountainside. I mean, it's called the Inzer Mountain Range. What do we expect? We haven't begun, and we are already defeated. The holidays are lost, and it's all my fault.

[1:18:54] Kevin Jaeger: You've got to help us, listener. There's got to be something that you can do to help us motivate Kimberly.

[1:19:06] Bryan Plofsky: Ah!

[1:19:08] Kimberly Schmidt: Oh, who's there? Oh, it's you. I don't feel like we've met before, but you seem familiar in some way. You're Listener, right? Hi, I'm Nikisha. I'd shake your hand, but I'm currently tied up right now. My friends are coming to save me. I know they are, and they...

[1:19:29] Kevin Jaeger: Oh, you saw my friends? They're on the way to save me? Amazing! But...

[1:19:36] Bryan Plofsky: What?

[1:19:37] Kevin Jaeger: They need my help?

[1:19:39] Kimberly Schmidt: They need my help to save me? Now, that seems kind of rude, but...

[1:19:44] Bryan Plofsky: Wait, what happened to them? They transformed?

[1:19:49] Kevin Jaeger: And Jay is now a half-dragon named Edwin Drood with magical theatrical animal powers? And Kimberly is now Princess Fee Fie Fona, a giant half-orc ogre barbarian, and she's uncomfortable in her new form?

[1:20:03] Bryan Plofsky: Well, I know just how to deal with this. If only they could hear me from up here!

[1:20:10] Kevin Jaeger: Oh, wow! Listeners, you have the bygone megaphone! Well, then, let's do this. Megaphone on!

[1:20:21] Kimberly Schmidt: Maestro, if you please...

[1:20:24] ♪ Musical number: "Don't Fear" — performed by Nikisha Williams ♪

[1:23:09] Bryan Plofsky: Let's go, Edwin Druid! Let's save Nakisha!

[1:23:16] Kevin Jaeger: That should do it! From the shaking of the mountain, I'd say they are definitely on their way. Now you better get going, listener, you don't want to be captured by the-

[1:23:24] Kimberly Schmidt: Too late, listener! Too late.

[1:23:30] Bryan Plofsky: All right, we're getting close. I'm definitely working up a sweat, but I feel great. How are you doing with the climb, Edwin Druid?

[1:23:37] Kevin Jaeger: To be honest, I transformed into the Green Finch from Sweeney Todd, so I've been casually flying around besides you the entire time. I'm a bird!

[1:23:45] Bryan Plofsky: The Green Finch, huh? Why not the Linnet Bird?

[1:23:48] Kevin Jaeger: Well that doesn't sound like a real bird, does it? The Linnet Bird? Sounds like a bird that Tim Burton invented for his strange feature film adaptation of Sweeney Todd.

[1:23:56] Bryan Plofsky: Hold that thought because, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but we are almost to the top of this Inser Mountain. Just above us is the treacherous cliff where Nakisha is tied up. Should you fly ahead and scope everything out to make sure it's safe? Make sure there isn't something lurking on that treacherous cliff with Nakisha to pounce on us or something?

[1:24:13] Kevin Jaeger: Nah, I'm sure everything is fine. Just pull up over the ledge without being able to see what's up there. Let's just assume that it's just Nakisha and we're going to untie her and complete our mission. No problem! And if it's something else, I can handle it. I'm strong. Let's go!

[1:24:54] Unknown speaker: Oh, Queen of Shadows! No, please, don't!

[1:24:57] Unknown speaker: We both already know I'm going to.

[1:25:00] Unknown speaker: So, goodbye. The higher you rise, the further you fall!

[1:25:04] Unknown speaker: Aaaaaaah!

[1:25:06] Unknown speaker: No, Kimberly! I mean, uh, Princess Fee-Fi-Fona!

[1:25:09] Jay Schmidt: Nakisha! Listener, are you two okay?

[1:25:11] Nikisha Williams: We're fine. Just tied up with magical rope made out of these dark shadows.

[1:25:16] Unknown speaker: Don't worry about us. Rescue Princess Fee-Fi-Fona!

[1:25:19] Unknown speaker: She's falling through the air in a dangerous freefall! You've got to save her!

[1:25:22] Unknown speaker: What's he gonna do, huh?

[1:25:24] Unknown speaker: Turn into Sandy from Annie again and bark at her?

[1:25:27] Unknown speaker: No! But I could turn into, um...

[1:25:30] Unknown speaker: I could turn into Milky White from Into the Woods!

[1:25:34] Unknown speaker: Which won't really do me any good, so...

[1:25:37] Unknown speaker: Mooooooooooving on!

[1:25:41] Unknown speaker: Ho, ho, ho, ho!

[1:25:43] Unknown speaker: Just some cow humor.

[1:25:46] Unknown speaker: I can turn into one of the goats from...

[1:25:49] Unknown speaker: Once on this island!

[1:25:53] Unknown speaker: But that's also not going to help.

[1:25:55] Unknown speaker: Who am I kidding?

[1:25:57] Unknown speaker: Did you get it? It was kidding. I was a goat.

[1:26:00] James Richard Schmidt III: If you don't quit clowning around and save me, I'm going to breathe fire down upon you and...

[1:26:07] Unknown speaker: Wait a minute. Breathe fire? Of course!

[1:26:10] Unknown speaker: I'm half-dragon, baby!

[1:26:12] Unknown speaker: And there is a giant purple dragon in Shrek the Musical.

[1:26:15] Unknown speaker: This will be my biggest transformation yet.

[1:26:19] Unknown speaker: Here goes!

[1:26:21] Unknown speaker: It worked!

[1:26:24] Unknown speaker: I am a giant fire-breathing...

[1:26:28] Unknown speaker: Dragon.

[1:26:29] Unknown speaker: That's right!

[1:26:32] Unknown speaker: Queen of Shadows!

[1:26:34] Unknown speaker: What do you have to say to that, huh?

[1:26:37] Unknown speaker: I feel so confused.

[1:26:40] Unknown speaker: The sight of you as this majestic creature, as a dragon...

[1:26:46] Unknown speaker: It just stirs something in memories that feel locked away or cloaked in shadow.

[1:26:53] Unknown speaker: Amazing! Wow!

[1:26:55] Unknown speaker: We're about to get the villain's backstory!

[1:26:59] Unknown speaker: I am so ready for it! Let's hear it!

[1:27:02] Unknown speaker: It's just so strange. I feel totally still, free-falling here!

[1:27:07] Unknown speaker: I'm coming, Princess Fee-Fie-Fona!

[1:27:10] Unknown speaker: Let me go save my wife, who you just tried to murder.

[1:27:13] Unknown speaker: Totally not cool, by the way.

[1:27:16] Unknown speaker: But I'm sure that that will be all explained when we hear your complicated backstory.

[1:27:21] Unknown speaker: So just stay here and I'll be right back!

[1:27:24] Unknown speaker: Here I come!

[1:27:27] Unknown speaker: What's happening? What's going on?

[1:27:30] Unknown speaker: Listener, look! Our magical ropes of shadows! They're disappearing!

[1:27:34] Unknown speaker: Actually, all the shadows up here on this cliff are disappearing!

[1:27:38] Unknown speaker: Like they're all returning back to the Queen of Shadows!

[1:27:41] Unknown speaker: Quick, Listener! Teleport to Jay's back and help save Kimberly!

[1:27:47] Jay Schmidt: Well, hey there, Listener! Along for the ride?

[1:27:52] Jay Schmidt: We're just about to make a daring rescue right before the moment that it's too late.

[1:27:57] Jay Schmidt: You know, I'm realizing now I should probably transform back into my dragon form, because I'm a human now and I'm actively free-falling!

[1:28:05] Unknown speaker: Here we go!

[1:28:08] Unknown speaker: Oh, and I gotcha!

[1:28:12] Unknown speaker: Oh, and I gotcha!

[1:28:17] Unknown speaker: And just in the nick of time, I was about to be a goner!

[1:28:20] Unknown speaker: I would never let that happen!

[1:28:23] Unknown speaker: I'll always be here to save you, no matter what.

[1:28:26] Unknown speaker: No matter how off-course our holidays or lives may get.

[1:28:30] Unknown speaker: I'll always catch you when you fall, you know that.

[1:28:33] Unknown speaker: Not always as a giant pink and purple dragon with lipstick.

[1:28:36] Unknown speaker: But I wouldn't rule it out.

[1:28:38] Kimberly Schmidt: Thanks, Jaybird.

[1:28:39] Unknown speaker: Oh, isn't forever, babe?

[1:28:41] Unknown speaker: In human form, we would totally kiss right now.

[1:28:43] Unknown speaker: But I'm on your back with Listener, and you're a giant pink and purple dragon with lipstick that will clash with mine, so...

[1:28:49] Unknown speaker: Oh, so the kiss is implied.

[1:28:51] Unknown speaker: And since it's implied kiss, I'm stipulating it's the most romantic and magical kiss of our entire lives!

[1:28:57] Unknown speaker: Now let's go save Nakisha from the Queen of Shadows.

[1:29:00] Unknown speaker: I'd like to treat her face like the mountainside and punch.

[1:29:03] Unknown speaker: She was acting weird.

[1:29:05] Unknown speaker: Who, Nakisha?

[1:29:06] Unknown speaker: No, the Queen of Shadows.

[1:29:08] Unknown speaker: When she saw me in this dragon form, something happened to her.

[1:29:11] Unknown speaker: It was like it caused a glitch or faulty wiring in her head.

[1:29:15] Unknown speaker: She got all confused.

[1:29:16] Unknown speaker: The shadow smoke was lifting.

[1:29:18] Unknown speaker: I mean, it was weird.

[1:29:19] Unknown speaker: It was really strange.

[1:29:20] Unknown speaker: It wasn't her usual vibe.

[1:29:22] Unknown speaker: Well, let's get up there.

[1:29:23] Unknown speaker: Listener, pop back up to Nakisha and make sure she's okay.

[1:29:26] Unknown speaker: I hate that we left her alone with the Queen of Shadows, especially when she's acting even more unhinged than normal.

[1:29:32] Unknown speaker: We'll be right there. Go!

[1:29:39] Unknown speaker: Listener, is Fee Fie Fona alright?

[1:29:42] Nakisha Williams: Oh, thank goodness.

[1:29:44] Nakisha Williams: The Queen of Shadows, on the other hand, there is something going on.

[1:29:48] Nakisha Williams: She watched the entire rescue, watched Edwin Drood fly through the sky as a dragon and save Fee Fie Fona, and she didn't even try once to stop it.

[1:29:54] Nakisha Williams: She just watched and kind of smiled and hasn't moved since.

[1:30:00] Unknown speaker: So the way she's been acting kind of makes me think that...

[1:30:03] Unknown speaker: Makes you think what?

[1:30:05] Nakisha Williams: That maybe you aren't the Queen of Shadows, but the Prisoner of Shadows.

[1:30:13] Unknown speaker: Nakisha, are you okay?

[1:30:14] Nakisha Williams: I should be saying that to you.

[1:30:16] Unknown speaker: Should I transform back to myself or stay a dragon?

[1:30:18] Nakisha Williams: Stay a dragon.

[1:30:20] Nakisha Williams: Queen of Shadows, what does the dragon make you think?

[1:30:23] Nakisha Williams: What does it make you want to say?

[1:30:25] Nakisha Williams: Here, take this.

[1:30:28] Unknown speaker: What is it?

[1:30:29] Nakisha Williams: It looks like a bright, glowing orb of light.

[1:30:32] Nakisha Williams: And yet it's cold to the touch.

[1:30:35] Nakisha Williams: Here, Listener, you hold this and keep it safe.

[1:30:38] Nakisha Williams: Thank you, Queen of Shadows.

[1:30:40] Unknown speaker: What is this glowing orb for?

[1:30:42] Nakisha Williams: You'll know when it's time, Listener.

[1:30:44] Nakisha Williams: You'll know when the time is right.

[1:30:46] Unknown speaker: Queen of Shadows, we can help you if you let us.

[1:30:49] Unknown speaker: We can help you.

[1:30:51] Unknown speaker: We can help you.

[1:30:53] Unknown speaker: The time is right.

[1:30:54] Unknown speaker: Queen of Shadows, we can help you if you let us.

[1:30:57] Unknown speaker: Tell us what's going on.

[1:30:58] Unknown speaker: No.

[1:30:59] Unknown speaker: Look at me! Witness me in all my majestic dragon-ness!

[1:31:04] Unknown speaker: Doesn't it just move you to reveal your backstory?

[1:31:06] Unknown speaker: No.

[1:31:07] Unknown speaker: Just let us help you and we'll...

[1:31:08] Unknown speaker: Stay back!

[1:31:15] Unknown speaker: Good luck in the final chapter.

[1:31:18] Unknown speaker: You're gonna need it.

[1:31:24] Unknown speaker: Who's there?

[1:31:26] Unknown speaker: I'll have you know that I'm a bard, so I am armed with a pen, which everyone knows is mightier than a sword, so you better be scared, because I'll...

[1:31:34] Unknown speaker: Oh, Listener.

[1:31:37] Unknown speaker: It's you.

[1:31:38] Unknown speaker: Thank karma, Cusack. You're here.

[1:31:40] Unknown speaker: I felt so lost in the wilderness here.

[1:31:42] Unknown speaker: It's just miles and miles of endless grasslands with nothing in sight.

[1:31:46] Unknown speaker: I'm starting to lose track of which way I came from and which way I should be going.

[1:31:52] Unknown speaker: Do you know where I should go?

[1:31:55] Unknown speaker: Oh, you don't?

[1:31:57] Unknown speaker: It's okay.

[1:31:58] Unknown speaker: I just wish that I had someone who could help.

[1:32:01] Gavrosh: I can help you.

[1:32:02] Unknown speaker: Oh, hello there, you streetwise, urchin-looking elf. What's your name?

[1:32:07] Gavrosh: Gavrosh. And I can show you where you're trying to go, but I should warn you, it's dangerous.

[1:32:13] Unknown speaker: What's dangerous?

[1:32:14] Gavrosh: What lies ahead.

[1:32:15] Unknown speaker: Don't you know about the aviophobia?

[1:32:17] Gavrosh: No, I don't know anything other than my friend Haley is there somewhere, and I have to save her.

[1:32:22] Gavrosh: The aviophobia planes are a magical place where you're forced to face your greatest fear, your greatest nightmare, something that would be absolute torture for you.

[1:32:32] Unknown speaker: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold your horses, Gavrosh. This is supposed to be a holiday story.

[1:32:38] Gavrosh: I'm just trying to prepare you for what's ahead.

[1:32:40] Gavrosh: If you really think you can face your ultimate fear, go 50 steps in that direction and you'll be put to the test.

[1:32:50] Gavrosh: If you pass, you save your friend Haley and you can leave the aviophobia planes. If not, you'll be stuck here inside your nightmare forever.

[1:32:59] Unknown speaker: Twisted every way, what answer can I give? Am I to risk my life to win the chance to live?

[1:33:07] Unknown speaker: Is that a Shakespeare quote?

[1:33:08] Gavrosh: No, it's from Phantom of the Opera.

[1:33:10] Unknown speaker: Why did you guess Shakespeare?

[1:33:12] Gavrosh: Well, because you're a broad-waisted bard, so I thought you were making a Shakespeare joke.

[1:33:17] Unknown speaker: Okay, I get it. Shakespeare could have come up with a good bard theater reference since clearly there are none.

[1:33:24] Unknown speaker: But I can't waste my time worrying about that. I've got to get going to save my friend no matter what I have to face.

[1:33:30] Gavrosh: Well, best of luck. Just a word of advice. The king of the snow elves, King Crosby, he's not himself.

[1:33:36] Unknown speaker: What do you mean?

[1:33:37] Gavrosh: He's being controlled by the shadows. You can see how his eyes are cloudy and gray.

[1:33:42] Gavrosh: He may seem like your enemy, but you must save him, too.

[1:33:46] Unknown speaker: Good luck. Where are you off to?

[1:33:48] Gavrosh: I'm going back to the winter elves' camp right on the edge of the aviophobia planes. I've been stationed here waiting for a hero to come through to save our king.

[1:33:57] Unknown speaker: Oh, so you're returning to your people to tell them never fear, that hero has arrived.

[1:34:03] Gavrosh: Yeah, but also to take bets on whether you'll come back alive or not.

[1:34:07] Unknown speaker: Thanks a lot, kid. Good luck.

[1:34:10] Unknown speaker: All right, listener. I can do this, right? I mean, sure, a kid just told me that I'm about to face my biggest nightmare come to life, and the number of people I'm supposed to save by myself just doubled, which seems a little rude, but I mean, I can make this work, right?

[1:34:27] Unknown speaker: I've got to get used to doing things on my own for a while. I mean, it was so natural for everyone to pair off into couples, and then there was, well, Fifth Wheel Fred here.

[1:34:39] Unknown speaker: No, listener, I'm not saying my bard character is named Fred. I'm just, I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just getting nervous because I'm not sure I'll be able to face whatever is coming next alone.

[1:34:51] Unknown speaker: Wait, listener, how many paces have we taken?

[1:34:57] Unknown speaker: 40?

[1:34:59] Unknown speaker: Okay, only 10 more to go, so let's...

[1:35:01] Unknown speaker: Wait, do you see that?

[1:35:04] Unknown speaker: Straight ahead, is that grass suddenly growing?

[1:35:08] Unknown speaker: It just shot straight up from the ground to about 8 feet high before arching to the right and then suddenly pummeling straight toward the ground.

[1:35:16] Unknown speaker: It's creating an arched doorway, but instead of a door, grass is coming down like a veil covering the entrance.

[1:35:26] Unknown speaker: I guess I'm supposed to walk through that veiled doorway and face my fear.

[1:35:34] Unknown speaker: Listener, you come in right behind me so that you're just an innocent bystander in my nightmare, okay? Hopefully, it won't be too awful for you.

[1:35:46] Unknown speaker: Well, here we go.

[1:35:50] Unknown speaker: One, two, three!

[1:35:55] Unknown speaker: Ah! Oh, God! It's terrifying!

[1:35:59] Unknown speaker: It's... it's...

[1:36:01] Unknown speaker: a delightful and quaint town square at the turn of the last century.

[1:36:08] Unknown speaker: Everyone around looks like they're from the cast of Newsies or Ragtime or The Music Man.

[1:36:16] Unknown speaker: What is going on here?

[1:36:18] Unknown speaker: Well, there you are, Kevin. We've been looking for you.

[1:36:21] Unknown speaker: Uh, you're supposed to call me the broad-waisted bard here in Broadwacia. I'm only Kevin in the real world.

[1:36:25] Unknown speaker: Oh, cease with this nonsense at once, Kevin. As the mayor of Small Town, USA, I am also the head judge of the Small Town, USA Holiday Talent Show, and I must tell you, if you don't begin your act in the next few moments, you're going to forfeit and lose.

[1:36:42] Unknown speaker: My act?

[1:36:44] Unknown speaker: Why, yes! You're the final act in the show, and you were so keen to enter because of the prize.

[1:36:52] Unknown speaker: Why? What's the prize?

[1:36:54] Unknown speaker: $96,000?

[1:36:56] Unknown speaker: Oh, no, it's not money, silly! Especially not an astronomical amount like $96,000!

[1:37:04] Unknown speaker: Dollars!

[1:37:06] Unknown speaker: No, the prize is the town's prettiest girl, Miss Haley.

[1:37:11] Unknown speaker: Your prizes are people?

[1:37:14] Unknown speaker: Not people, silly! Girls! Some old-timey musicals are so problematic nowadays.

[1:37:21] Unknown speaker: So, are you going to perform your act, or are you forfeiting and letting King Crosby win?

[1:37:29] Unknown speaker: I just sang my most celebrated holiday song of all time, and slayed! Get it? Slayed?

[1:37:35] Unknown speaker: No, really. There's no way you could defeat me.

[1:37:41] Unknown speaker: Give up now, Kevin! You'll never win!

[1:37:43] Unknown speaker: Whoa, King Crosby, Gavroche was right. Your eyes are totally gray and cloudy, and clearly the eyes of someone being controlled by the shadows.

[1:37:52] Unknown speaker: Which is why you can't let King Crosby win, Kevin!

[1:37:55] Unknown speaker: Haley! Are you alright?

[1:37:57] Unknown speaker: I'm fine now, but I won't be unless you win this holiday talent competition.

[1:38:01] Unknown speaker: And King Crosby is right. His performance was practically perfect in every way.

[1:38:06] Unknown speaker: He sang his song flawlessly. So now there's literally only one way you can beat him.

[1:38:13] Unknown speaker: Sing while playing an instrument?

[1:38:15] Unknown speaker: No. The audience needs a real showstopper.

[1:38:18] Unknown speaker: I could... I could try dancing.

[1:38:21] Unknown speaker: I see there's a lot of newsies around. Maybe one of them could teach me that newspaper dance really quick.

[1:38:26] Unknown speaker: You're getting one, right?

[1:38:28] Unknown speaker: It's definitely going to take a dance, that's for sure.

[1:38:31] Unknown speaker: But only one type of dance can really get an audience off its feet in this golden age, Kevin.

[1:38:37] Unknown speaker: And you know what it is.

[1:38:39] Unknown speaker: You know what I'm talking about.

[1:38:41] Unknown speaker: You want to pass the test and save Haley? You know what you've got to do.

[1:38:45] Unknown speaker: No. It can't be. It can't.

[1:38:47] Unknown speaker: Here, Kevin. I'll help you change your shoes.

[1:38:49] Unknown speaker: No!

[1:38:52] Unknown speaker: Everyone, everyone, let's gather back inside the auditorium. Take your seats, and I'll announce the final performance so we can finally crown the winner of this small town...

[1:39:04] Unknown speaker: A USA holiday talent show!

[1:39:07] Unknown speaker: Hey, hey you.

[1:39:08] Unknown speaker: The one who's just been standing behind Kevin listening.

[1:39:11] Unknown speaker: I don't know why, but I feel like I know you're here to help us.

[1:39:14] Unknown speaker: So stay with me.

[1:39:16] Unknown speaker: Oh, I hope this goes okay.

[1:39:21] Unknown speaker: I can't do this. This is ridiculous. This is diabolical. This is not fair.

[1:39:26] Broadwaysted Bart: Broadwaysted Bart, I've been trying to find you, but the magic in the aviophobia planes made it so difficult to make a strong psychic connection with you.

[1:39:33] Broadwaysted Bart: I can tell I found you in just the nick of time.

[1:39:36] Broadwaysted Bart: I'm going to take control of your feet.

[1:39:40] Kevin Jaeger: Your what?

[1:39:41] Broadwaysted Bart: Look, do you want to win the holiday talent show and save Hayley or not?

[1:39:44] Kevin Jaeger: Yes, I do.

[1:39:45] Broadwaysted Bart: Okay, then I am taking over your feet. I'm a black belt in tap dancing.

[1:39:49] Kevin Jaeger: I didn't know they gave out belts like in karate for tap dancing.

[1:39:52] Broadwaysted Bart: There's a lot about the fascinating and powerful tap dance community that you don't know, Kevin. So just be glad that you found yourself on the right side of a tap master. Plus, I called in a favor to provide the vocals, so you can just focus on smiling and selling this incredible routine I'm going to execute with your feet. Any questions?

[1:40:10] Kevin Jaeger: Can this please, for the love of Carmen Cusack, not actually be happening?

[1:40:16] Broadwaysted Bart: Too late. This is about to happen. Just keep smiling. It's about to be our entrance.

[1:40:20] Unknown speaker: Hello, everyone!

[1:40:23] Unknown speaker: I know that was quite a surprise there for a moment, but everything is under control.

[1:40:31] Unknown speaker: Our final act is ready to compete.

[1:40:34] Unknown speaker: A quick look at the scoreboard lets us know that the current leader is King Crosby with his rendition of that holiday song that everyone knows him for.

[1:40:43] Unknown speaker: Our final act, hoping to somehow surpass that performance, is ready to begin.

[1:40:51] Unknown speaker: Performing a special dance to a song with totally original, totally honest lyrics, he wrote himself.

[1:40:59] Unknown speaker: Here is Kevin Jaeger dancing to the vocal stylings of...

[1:41:06] Unknown speaker: Oh my God, is that your name, Zareeb?

[1:41:08] Unknown speaker: No time. It's showtime.

[1:41:13] Unknown speaker: When a moment feels so perfect, filled with splendor and romance, there is one way to express it with a type of rhythmic dance.

[1:41:27] Unknown speaker: When a moment feels so honest, real and candid and complete, there is just one way to show it with some tippy taps upon your feet.

[1:41:50] Unknown speaker: Here goes.

[1:41:52] Unknown speaker: I love tap dancing. It's so entrancing. Every time shows without it are a crime. I love tap dancing. Toes up dancing, fancy free. It's the only dance for me. Good times, bad times, and romancing. I just love some tap dancing.

[1:42:14] Unknown speaker: I love tap dancing.

[1:42:37] Unknown speaker: I love tap dancing. It always makes such perfect sense. But in the strangest of events, there is tap dancing. We can stamp out other styles. We'll wear our tap shoes and our smiles. Hear those rhythmic licks advancing. When those plaques and clicks are glancing. That life-enhancing kind of prancing is all I ever want. My one true love is tap dancing.

[1:43:24] Unknown speaker: It seems like the town itself has spoken. First place and the prize of Hayley goes to Kevin!

[1:43:32] Unknown speaker: That's not fair. He cheated. He didn't even learn a lesson.

[1:43:36] Unknown speaker: Everyone knows that characters can't win a talent show without learning some kind of lesson.

[1:43:43] Unknown speaker: That is true, son. So what did you learn from this experience?

[1:43:47] Kevin Jaeger: Honestly, I've learned a lot. But most of all, I've learned that you can feel like you're going into things alone. But at the end of the day, you always meet people who can help you. I couldn't have done this without Drama Master or Yaniv Zarif. And so many people. And when I was scared, the thought that my friends were counting on me to do this and that they believed I could do it, that saw me through. So honestly, no one is alone. That is my completely original and new lesson. No one is alone.

[1:44:22] Unknown speaker: Well, there you go! An incredible performance and a lesson. He's the winner for sure. Way to go, Kevin! I knew you could do it. Now come on, let's get out of here.

[1:44:31] Kevin Jaeger: I was thinking the exact same thing. Come on, listener. All three think you're going.

[1:44:39] Unknown speaker: You thought I was going to let you go this easily? The King of the Winter Elves has immense magic powers. Powers that I will use to keep you here forever!

[1:44:47] Hayley Podschun: Hayley, you've been here longer than me. So how do I free King Crosby from the spell that is controlling him before he obliterates us with elf magic?

[1:44:56] Hayley Podschun: There was something weird about King Crosby's performance now that I think about it. He kept complaining about all the harsh stage lighting. They turned the lights down so much to make him happy, but he practically performed in darkness. Like, in the shadows. It was weird.

[1:45:12] Unknown speaker: What?

[1:45:13] Unknown speaker: What is it, listener?

[1:45:15] Unknown speaker: Oh my gosh, what's that? A glowing orb of light that was given to you by the Queen of Shadows when we think she was maybe being a good guy? You think this might be what will free him from the shadows? Since he seems to be staying away from the light?

[1:45:31] Unknown speaker: Well, I mean, at this point, we might as well try it.

[1:45:34] Unknown speaker: What are you three blabbering about? Trying to figure out which one of you is going to beg for my mercy?

[1:45:39] Unknown speaker: No. But we have a gift for you.

[1:45:42] Unknown speaker: A gift for me?

[1:45:44] Unknown speaker: This glowing orb of light!

[1:45:47] Unknown speaker: Aha! Blue? Whoa! Wait, where am I?

[1:45:53] Unknown speaker: It's all right, King Crosby. We've released you from the shadows' control using this.

[1:45:59] King Crosby: Thank you, kind sir. Tell me, where did you get a star vehicle?

[1:46:04] Unknown speaker: A what?

[1:46:05] King Crosby: The glowing orb of light you just saved me with!

[1:46:08] Unknown speaker: Listener said that the Queen of Shadows gave it to them in a crazy moment where she seemed to be almost helping them.

[1:46:14] King Crosby: What is it? It is a shooting star that's been captured in a magical ball. We call it a star vehicle in Broadwestia. There's only one person I know who is powerful enough to create a star vehicle like this.

[1:46:26] Unknown speaker: Beanie Feldstein?

[1:46:28] King Crosby: Yeah, that wasn't my first thought either, but I'm keeping an open mind.

[1:46:33] King Crosby: What? No, my daughter, Peggy.

[1:46:35] Unknown speaker: That settles it. The Queen of Shadows is my daughter, Peggy.

[1:46:40] Unknown speaker: How can that be? I thought it was her job to protect Falkor and never let something stop the lighting of the holiday flame.

[1:46:48] King Crosby: It is. But somehow the shadows got into her mind and took control of her and are using her vast magical powers to cause all of this chaos. We need to get to the Forbidden Caves right away and put an end to this before it's too late.

[1:47:00] Unknown speaker: Yeah, let's get out of here. Come on, Hayley. Let's go join the others and save the holidays.

[1:47:05] Hayley Podschun: I'm ready. Let's go.

[1:47:07] Unknown speaker: Oh, and Hayley, um, about what just happened there...

[1:47:12] Hayley Podschun: Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Though I will always know that you were willing to do your most hated musical theater thing in order to save me.

[1:47:22] Kevin Jaeger: It's simple. When it comes down to it, I love you more than I hate tap dancing.

[1:47:27] Hayley Podschun: Well, I love you just as much. And for the record, you had a few eight counts where you looked like you were living your best tapping life.

[1:47:35] Kevin Jaeger: I had to sell it with all of my might or else I might not have won, Hayley.

[1:47:38] Hayley Podschun: Of course. Plus, it was kind of fun.

[1:47:42] Unknown speaker: All right, now let's go. Listener, you go ahead and reunite with everyone. We'll catch up.

[1:47:48] Unknown speaker: Are you sure we're in the right place?

[1:47:50] Unknown speaker: Yes. I heard Kevin laugh a few minutes ago, and I used my internal GPS system based on Kevin's laugh to place his coordinates. He should be showing up here any minute.

[1:48:00] Unknown speaker: And look, Listener is here. This must be the right spot. This is all coming together.

[1:48:04] Unknown speaker: Hey, Listener. Can Brian discover Kevin's geolocation using his laugh now?

[1:48:09] Brian: It's pretty easy. I just need to find Kevin's location and then I'll call you back.

[1:48:14] Unknown speaker: Can Brian discover Kevin's geolocation using his laugh now?

[1:48:17] Unknown speaker: It's pretty insane, right? That is, if it actually works. I mean, we were all magically transported to a fantasy kingdom called Broadwaste to save the holidays. Comparatively, Brian having the ability to locate Kevin miles away based on his laugh seems pretty tame.

[1:48:31] Unknown speaker: Anyone have any ideas of what we're going to do to actually save the holidays? It seems like we should have some kind of game plan.

[1:48:39] Unknown speaker: We'll figure it out when the rest of the team gets here. We need the power of everyone combined.

[1:48:43] Unknown speaker: I swear he's going to be here in 3, 2, 1.

[1:48:47] Unknown speaker: There you all are.

[1:48:49] Hayley Podschun: Hayley, look. We found them.

[1:48:51] Unknown speaker: We're all here. The entire group is rescued and reunited and ready to complete the final part of our mission to save Falkor and the Three Sisters of the Dragon.

[1:49:01] King Crosby: Oh, friends. Hayley and I didn't come alone. We brought a friend with us, King Crosby, the ruler of the Winter Elves and the father of the Three Sisters of the Dragon. He figured something out based on the orb of light the Queen of Shadows gave all of you. The Queen of Shadows is my daughter, Peggy, under the control of the dark shadows that lurk on the outskirts of Broadwasteia.

[1:49:23] Unknown speaker: I knew she was being controlled. We have watched too many movies with possessions on Talking Horror that I knew she was being possessed.

[1:49:29] Unknown speaker: So what do we do, King Crosby? How do we fix everything?

[1:49:33] King Crosby: Falkor. Falkor is our only chance. Lighting the holiday flame is the only way to banish the shadows from Broadwasteia and save my daughters.

[1:49:41] Unknown speaker: But that's impossible. The only way to do that is for someone to sing the song to awaken the dragon while someone else uses the magic of the star vehicle to create a hole in the shadowy storm that is surrounding the Forbidden Caves, a hole that's big enough for a dragon to get out. And someone has to distract Peggy while she's still the Queen of the Shadows while all of this is happening.

[1:50:01] Unknown speaker: All right, team. I have a plan. King Crosby will enter the Forbidden Caves with Aaron, Hayley, and Nakisha and sing him awake.

[1:50:09] Unknown speaker: But do they know the song? You got sheet music?

[1:50:13] King Crosby: Yes, and a demo vocal track. Trust me. These three will quickly learn them and sing the crap out of that sacred song and wake up Falkor.

[1:50:21] Unknown speaker: In the meantime, I'll transform into my Shrek the Musical sexy lady dragon and fly Rogue Riding Hood up to the top of this crazy storm where she'll use star vehicle to create the hole that Falkor will need to escape.

[1:50:33] Unknown speaker: It's going to be rough conditions up there and magical darkness. You sure you can handle it?

[1:50:39] Rogue Riding Hood: We don't have a choice. We have to.

[1:50:41] Unknown speaker: And what about us?

[1:50:43] Unknown speaker: You three are going to be our perfect distraction. You're about to take part in the most important broad-waisted interview of your life with the Queen of Shadows.

[1:50:51] Unknown speaker: You really think that'll work?

[1:50:53] Unknown speaker: It's just got to, Brian, or else Broadwastia is doomed and the holidays are gone forever and we can't let that happen.

[1:51:01] Unknown speaker: No, we can't. With a bang.

[1:51:05] Unknown speaker: Oh, and you, listener, your job is perhaps the most important of all. You have to strategically jump back and forth amongst all the excitement to keep the climatic narrative going. Does everyone know what they're doing?

[1:51:17] Unknown speaker: Team Wake Up Dragon?

[1:51:21] Unknown speaker: Aye aye, Captain.

[1:51:23] Unknown speaker: Team Create Dragon Size Hole!

[1:51:25] Unknown speaker: Reporting for duty.

[1:51:27] Unknown speaker: You said duty.

[1:51:29] Unknown speaker: And yes, I'm ready.

[1:51:31] Unknown speaker: And last, but definitely not least, Team Distraction, you ready?

[1:51:35] Unknown speaker: Oh, Edwin Druid, we were born ready.

[1:51:39] Unknown speaker: Alright, I'm going to transform into the dragon now.

[1:51:41] Unknown speaker: Okay, rogue riding hood, climb on my back.

[1:51:47] Rogue Riding Hood: I'm a dragon. I'm on.

[1:51:49] Unknown speaker: Alright, we're ready to take off and fly above and start making this dragon-sized hole as soon as all of you have stepped into the swirling shadowy terror and enter the forbidden caves.

[1:52:01] Unknown speaker: Be safe! We'll see you on the other side!

[1:52:07] Unknown speaker: Well, here we go. Don't forget, everyone, when you walk into a storm, hold your head up high and don't be afraid of the dark.

[1:52:15] Brian: Wow, Brian, that was really touching.

[1:52:17] Aaron: Again, Aaron, I am Sir Punz-a-Lot.

[1:52:19] Unknown speaker: Alright, let's just do this. Everyone brace for the worst.

[1:52:29] Unknown speaker: Whoa.

[1:52:35] Unknown speaker: It's so calm in here.

[1:52:39] Unknown speaker: Yeah, it's like we crossed through a curtain of a raging storm and stepped into a world that is eerily quiet.

[1:52:47] Unknown speaker: The raging storm outside is just Peggy's protection spell on the forbidden caves, exponentially more powerful since her untapped magical powers have been set free by the shadow's influence. But she allowed us to enter through her protection spell. That means there's a part of her fighting back against the shadow. A part that still has control.

[1:53:05] Unknown speaker: Now come on, Team Wake the Dragon. Falkor sleeps just down this path to the left. Move quietly and quickly now. We haven't much time.

[1:53:13] Unknown speaker: Alright, and which way do we go?

[1:53:14] Unknown speaker: Any other direction. Hopefully, you'll find her, or she'll find you before she finds us and ruins the plan.

[1:53:20] Unknown speaker: And keep your eyes out for my other daughters, Angelica and Eliza.

[1:53:23] Unknown speaker: She must have them imprisoned here somewhere.

[1:53:25] Unknown speaker: Don't worry, we've got this covered.

[1:53:27] Unknown speaker: You just get out of here and wake up that expertly named dragon.

[1:53:31] Unknown speaker: I know, right?

[1:53:32] Unknown speaker: Let's go, team.

[1:53:34] Unknown speaker: Good luck, Broadwaysted.

[1:53:36] Unknown speaker: Alright, we're alone. Just the three of us.

[1:53:39] Unknown speaker: Now, how do we make sure that we find the Queen of Shadows?

[1:53:42] Unknown speaker: How do we get her attention?

[1:53:43] Unknown speaker: And I know the obvious way to do it would be make me laugh, but I'm so in the zone.

[1:53:48] Unknown speaker: I don't think I could laugh right now.

[1:53:50] Unknown speaker: No, I understand.

[1:53:51] Unknown speaker: And since this is a serious moment, I thought that now would be the best time to tell you that we saw your impressive tap number, Kevin.

[1:53:55] Kevin Jaeger: What?

[1:53:59] Kevin Jaeger: Yeah, Listener took a video on their phone.

[1:54:01] Kevin Jaeger: We're never going to let you live that one down.

[1:54:03] Unknown speaker: No!

[1:54:07] Unknown speaker: Did that do it?

[1:54:08] Unknown speaker: Did it do what?

[1:54:10] Unknown speaker: Seal your fate? Get you into trouble?

[1:54:13] Kevin Jaeger: Yes, yes it did.

[1:54:15] Unknown speaker: Queen of Shadows, there you are.

[1:54:17] Unknown speaker: Your manager told us we were starting ten minutes ago, so we've been waiting for you.

[1:54:21] Unknown speaker: My who? My manager?

[1:54:23] Unknown speaker: What are you talking about?

[1:54:24] Unknown speaker: Oh great, we're about to start recording in a few moments and she didn't even remember she agreed to this.

[1:54:29] Unknown speaker: Do what? What are you talking about?

[1:54:31] Unknown speaker: Record a Broadwaysted episode.

[1:54:34] Unknown speaker: And here's the good news.

[1:54:35] Unknown speaker: It's okay that you don't know what this is and that you aren't prepared.

[1:54:38] Unknown speaker: This is supposed to be a candid, off-the-cuff kind of show.

[1:54:41] Unknown speaker: Alright, mic check everyone.

[1:54:43] Kimberly Schmidt: I'm right here and I'm doing my mic check.

[1:54:46] Unknown speaker: Check, check, check. Check, check, check. Check, check, check.

[1:54:49] Unknown speaker: Your mic is great.

[1:54:50] Kimberly Schmidt: I'm doing an interview?

[1:54:53] Unknown speaker: Yes, yes you are and you're going to be great. I'm right here.

[1:54:57] Kimberly Schmidt: Check, check.

[1:54:58] Unknown speaker: Kimberly, your mic is good.

[1:54:59] Kimberly Schmidt: This is me here. Check, check.

[1:55:01] Unknown speaker: Check, check.

[1:55:02] Unknown speaker: Your levels could go up a little bit, Brian.

[1:55:04] Bryan Plofsky: Is this better?

[1:55:05] Unknown speaker: Absolutely.

[1:55:06] Unknown speaker: And Queen of Shadows, can you give us a quick mic check with your normal speaking voice?

[1:55:10] Unknown speaker: Um, check, check.

[1:55:12] Unknown speaker: You're good. Levels are a go.

[1:55:14] Unknown speaker: Just speak right into that mic.

[1:55:16] Unknown speaker: We want to hear every fascinating word of your story.

[1:55:19] Unknown speaker: Any questions before we start?

[1:55:21] Unknown speaker: Yes, what is...

[1:55:22] Unknown speaker: No? Okay, great. Let's start in 3, 2, 1.

[1:55:26] Bryan Plofsky: Hello and welcome to the official Broadwaysted podcast where we're drunk on theater.

[1:55:30] Bryan Plofsky: I'm your host, Brian Polofsky, and I think I'm falling in love with the spirit of the season.

[1:55:34] Bryan Plofsky: Hanging with friends in the Broadway lair because friends are what the holidays are for.

[1:55:38] Bryan Plofsky: You sing about how you are buddies in a song and they say that they're happy because you exist.

[1:55:44] Bryan Plofsky: Just know this is not your curtain call, so it's time to live again and support the arts.

[1:55:49] Bryan Plofsky: Joining us today are the usual Broadwaysted actuales, including Kevin, rockin' my hand Jager.

[1:55:54] Kevin Jaeger: What? A rock in my hand? No, I don't have a weapon out and at the ready.

[1:56:00] Bryan Plofsky: Kimberly, our the holiday song game master and unofficial babysitter for the hour.

[1:56:05] Kimberly Schmidt: Aw, I love tea and the holiday song. Great choice.

[1:56:08] Bryan Plofsky: I know, right? And with us today is a guest that needs no introduction because she's all that anyone is talking about.

[1:56:13] Bryan Plofsky: She's exciting. She's modern.

[1:56:15] Bryan Plofsky: She's trying to rob the people of Broadwaysted of the happiness of the holiday season forever.

[1:56:20] Bryan Plofsky: A complicated woman.

[1:56:22] Bryan Plofsky: Please welcome friend of the show...

[1:56:24] Unknown speaker: Friend of the show!

[1:56:25] Bryan Plofsky: Queen of Shadows!

[1:56:28] Unknown speaker: Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

[1:56:32] Unknown speaker: Y'all ready for this?

[1:56:33] Unknown speaker: Thanks for having me, I think.

[1:56:35] Unknown speaker: Before we talk about anything, and there's a lot to talk about, what are you drinking?

[1:56:41] Unknown speaker: What are you drinking?

[1:56:42] Unknown speaker: What are we drinking?

[1:56:44] Unknown speaker: Um, nothing.

[1:56:46] Unknown speaker: Yeah, me neither.

[1:56:47] Unknown speaker: Same!

[1:56:48] Unknown speaker: I mean, I could use a beverage, but I don't have one currently.

[1:56:51] Unknown speaker: Okay, this is off to a good start.

[1:56:53] Bryan Plofsky: So, Queen of Shadows, you've been busy with all the broadwaystia domination and evil shadow-plotting you've been up to.

[1:57:00] Bryan Plofsky: I just have to know, what's your favorite musical?

[1:57:12] Unknown speaker: Hey, listener. Things going okay with the broadwaystia crew?

[1:57:16] Unknown speaker: That's great.

[1:57:17] Unknown speaker: Hey, Edwin Druid. Listener says everything is going according to plan.

[1:57:21] Unknown speaker: Well, they don't say, but you know what I mean.

[1:57:23] Unknown speaker: Amazing! As you can see, we're making progress with the hole we're creating.

[1:57:28] Unknown speaker: Right now, I'd say a small baby dragon could get through that hole.

[1:57:32] Unknown speaker: We should be ready in a few minutes!

[1:57:35] Unknown speaker: I'm a dragon!

[1:57:36] Unknown speaker: So let Team Wake the Dragon know that we're on track here.

[1:57:39] Unknown speaker: Everything is going according to plan, and we'll be ready for Falkor when he's awake.

[1:57:42] Unknown speaker: Do you think Falkor will be so taken by the beauty of my dragon form that he'll forget his duty to ignite the holiday flame and instead ignite a fire in my heart that will burn always and forever for him?

[1:57:48] Unknown speaker: No, I don't.

[1:57:55] Unknown speaker: Yeah, I don't either.

[1:57:56] Unknown speaker: Alright, listener. Off you go. Wish them luck for us!

[1:58:09] Unknown speaker: Hi, listener. What's the update?

[1:58:12] Unknown speaker: Great. Listener says the plan is right on schedule.

[1:58:16] Unknown speaker: We're right outside the spot where Falkor is sleeping.

[1:58:20] Unknown speaker: I guess if everything is in place, it's time to wake this dragon up.

[1:58:24] Unknown speaker: Yes, everything seems to be going well. A little too well, if you ask me.

[1:58:29] Unknown speaker: But for now, we'll assume it's the fate on our side. Now follow me into the den of the dragon.

[1:58:37] Unknown speaker: Wow. I know we were all prepared to see a dragon, but...

[1:58:43] Unknown speaker: That's, uh... That's a dragon, friends.

[1:58:47] Unknown speaker: A real-life dragon!

[1:58:49] Unknown speaker: And look! There are two women peacefully sleeping, curled up against the sleeping dragon!

[1:58:54] Unknown speaker: Angelica and Eliza!

[1:58:56] Unknown speaker: Peggy must have them under the same sleeping spell as Falkor.

[1:58:59] Unknown speaker: Hopefully your song will wake them up, too.

[1:59:02] Unknown speaker: You think the escape hole in the storm defenses is ready by now?

[1:59:05] Unknown speaker: I trust that Edwin Druid and Rogue Riding Hood will do their part.

[1:59:08] Unknown speaker: I do, too. So how about it, ladies?

[1:59:11] Unknown speaker: Let's wake up a dragon! And hopefully two elven princesses!

[1:59:15] Unknown speaker: Come awake, come awake, spread your wings and soar.

[1:59:26] Unknown speaker: Feel the frost start to break, and the dark return.

[1:59:32] Unknown speaker: Let the cold fade away, for the time has come once more.

[1:59:40] Unknown speaker: To warm all the winter with magic and thaw.

[1:59:52] Unknown speaker: Father! What's going on?

[2:00:00] Unknown speaker: Oh, Angelica and Eliza! My wonderful daughters! I'm so glad you're safe.

[2:00:04] Unknown speaker: We came here to save Peggy, but things immediately became foggy.

[2:00:08] Unknown speaker: And we both fell asleep, as if we were put to sleep by magic.

[2:00:11] Unknown speaker: Don't worry, my dears. Now listen, we don't have much time.

[2:00:11] Unknown speaker: The shadows have taken control of your sister, and are using her power to cause all of this.

[2:00:16] Unknown speaker: Peggy's doing this? I can't believe it!

[2:00:19] Unknown speaker: It's not Peggy, though. Just a darkness that's controlling her.

[2:00:23] Unknown speaker: But we're going to save her with these amazing heroes with me, and their heroic friends who have banded together to save you, and the holiday season.

[2:00:30] Unknown speaker: Hi!

[2:00:31] Unknown speaker: Nice to meet you!

[2:00:34] Unknown speaker: Falcor! Good to see you waking up, buddy! We really need you more than ever.

[2:00:38] Unknown speaker: But right now, I need you to be as quiet as possible, okay?

[2:00:42] Unknown speaker: Are you really trying to tell a massive dragon to be quiet?

[2:00:45] Unknown speaker: Doesn't hurt to ask. Now come on, let's get on Falcor's back.

[2:00:48] Unknown speaker: Wait, what?

[2:00:49] Unknown speaker: You woke him up. Don't you want to experience the ride of your life?

[2:00:52] Unknown speaker: Absolutely!

[2:00:53] Unknown speaker: Let's do this!

[2:00:54] Unknown speaker: I think I'll pass.

[2:00:55] Unknown speaker: Oh no you won't! He's coming, let's go!

[2:00:57] Unknown speaker: Listener, go make sure that the escape hole is ready for us, and then single back to the Broadway crew that we're good to go.

[2:01:01] Unknown speaker: But you better hurry, because we won't be able to keep Falcor quiet and grounded for very long.

[2:01:09] Unknown speaker: He is so ready to fly.

[2:01:11] Unknown speaker: Now go, Listener. Good luck!

[2:01:23] Unknown speaker: Try harder!

[2:01:25] Unknown speaker: I'm trying the hardest I can. It just isn't working.

[2:01:28] Unknown speaker: I think it's... Oh hi, Listener. As you can see, things are not so great up here.

[2:01:32] Unknown speaker: The star vehicle just suddenly ran out of steam and just stopped working.

[2:01:36] Unknown speaker: We tried a spell on it that I know is a druid, a spell that revived it for a bit.

[2:01:41] Unknown speaker: But as everyone knows, a replacement star vehicle never works the way the original star vehicle did.

[2:01:48] Unknown speaker: So we're stuck with this hole that's nowhere near as big to fit a dragon!

[2:01:53] Unknown speaker: And we have no way of fixing it. We've failed, all because of this stupid thing.

[2:01:57] Unknown speaker: This stupid, worthless star vehicle. Ugh!

[2:02:01] Unknown speaker: No, Jamie, don't throw it! Oh no, it's falling! Oh no!

[2:02:04] Unknown speaker: It's falling right through the hole we made, Jamie!

[2:02:06] Unknown speaker: And do you know who is right below that hole right now trying to distract the Queen of Shadows?

[2:02:12] Unknown speaker: Broadwaysted! Oh no, Listener! You've got to get down there! Hurry!

[2:02:24] Unknown speaker: And that has been Kevin's Corner.

[2:02:28] Kevin Jaeger: Aww, that was so much fun!

[2:02:30] Unknown speaker: Always a strange time in Kevin's Corner, that's for sure.

[2:02:33] Unknown speaker: Makes me think back on Kev4Ham, a wonderful segment that used to be on our show.

[2:02:37] Unknown speaker: Such a great segment.

[2:02:39] Unknown speaker: Shall we play a game?

[2:02:40] Unknown speaker: What is it, Listener? Absolutely, Kimberly. Let's play a game.

[2:02:44] Unknown speaker: Why don't you explain it?

[2:02:45] Unknown speaker: What about the star vehicle?

[2:02:47] Unknown speaker: It's failing?

[2:02:49] Unknown speaker: Oh no, that's... It's falling?

[2:02:51] Unknown speaker: Falling? What do you mean it's falling?

[2:02:53] Unknown speaker: So all you have to do is sing the plot of the TV show to the melody of the song.

[2:02:58] Unknown speaker: Oh, I get it. Totally.

[2:03:00] Unknown speaker: So all I do is... Ouch!

[2:03:02] Unknown speaker: What was that?

[2:03:04] Unknown speaker: What? Oh, it was nothing. Just a...

[2:03:06] Unknown speaker: A star vehicle?

[2:03:08] Unknown speaker: But where did this fall from?

[2:03:10] Unknown speaker: Who cares? We're playing a game.

[2:03:12] Unknown speaker: Wait, new game. Don't look up and see.

[2:03:15] Unknown speaker: There's a hole in my billowing storm cloud force field that's surrounding the Forbidden Caves.

[2:03:20] Unknown speaker: You tricked me!

[2:03:23] Unknown speaker: Us? No, we're just recording a podcast and...

[2:03:27] Unknown speaker: How are you recording? You have no microphones or equipment.

[2:03:30] Unknown speaker: We've just been standing here talking.

[2:03:32] Unknown speaker: We've been recording it magically in our minds.

[2:03:37] Unknown speaker: And that was my stomach, really working up an appetite from all this being honest and not tricking you that we've been doing.

[2:03:43] Unknown speaker: I am Falkor the Dragon, awakening from my slumber to light the holiday flame.

[2:03:48] Unknown speaker: Leave it to the talking dragon to just spell out the plan.

[2:03:52] Unknown speaker: I really didn't expect him to talk.

[2:03:55] Unknown speaker: Yeah, me neither. Though, Edwin Druid talks when he's a dragon.

[2:03:58] Unknown speaker: Yes, but that's because that's Edwin Druid in the form of a dragon, not like a natural dragon.

[2:04:03] Unknown speaker: I didn't expect natural dragons to be able to talk.

[2:04:06] Unknown speaker: Oh, I see what you're saying.

[2:04:08] Unknown speaker: Enough!

[2:04:10] Unknown speaker: You dare try to challenge me?

[2:04:13] Unknown speaker: To plot to defeat me?

[2:04:15] Unknown speaker: Do you know who I am?

[2:04:17] Unknown speaker: I am the Queen of Shadows! I am...

[2:04:21] Unknown speaker: No! You are my beautiful, powerful, amazing daughter, Peggy.

[2:04:26] Unknown speaker: And my little sister. And any little sister of mine is way too powerful to let some shadow control her.

[2:04:32] Unknown speaker: Fight back, Peggy!

[2:04:34] Unknown speaker: No! I am the Queen of Darkness! The Master of Sorrow! I am...

[2:04:41] Unknown speaker: Peggy. You are our loving sister, Peggy.

[2:04:45] Unknown speaker: And you are stronger than any shadow that tries to possess you.

[2:04:49] Unknown speaker: Stay back! All of you! Don't come any closer! I am...

[2:04:55] Unknown speaker: Peggy.

[2:04:56] Unknown speaker: Stay back, dragon!

[2:04:57] Unknown speaker: You know my name, for it was you who gave it to me.

[2:05:00] Unknown speaker: Falkor?

[2:05:01] Unknown speaker: Tell me how this all happened. Release the darkness that you were holding inside.

[2:05:06] Unknown speaker: I... I am... I had a hard time by myself up here in the Forbidden Caves, year after year.

[2:05:15] Unknown speaker: It gets really lonely, and when the fire of the Holiday Flame fades and everyone gets back to their lives,

[2:05:22] Unknown speaker: I have to get back to being alone up here, all the time. And it makes me sad.

[2:05:28] Unknown speaker: So why didn't you talk to your father or sisters about how you felt?

[2:05:31] Unknown speaker: Because sometimes when you gather to see your family at the holidays, you don't want to share anything but happiness and joy and perfection,

[2:05:39] Unknown speaker: because that's what everyone wants, just perfect, happy memories.

[2:05:42] Unknown speaker: I totally understand. I've had so much anxiety about making sure Jay and I have the perfect couple's holiday together

[2:05:48] Unknown speaker: that I haven't actually shared that with Jay, because I don't want to ruin his happy, perfect holiday.

[2:05:53] Unknown speaker: I get it too, Peggy. I worry every year that the radio play isn't good enough,

[2:05:58] Unknown speaker: and I put all this unnecessary pressure on myself that makes me have so much anxiety.

[2:06:03] Unknown speaker: But I don't really share how much this affects me, because I don't want it to sound like I'm complaining.

[2:06:09] Unknown speaker: To be honest, Peggy, I worry since I moved away that I have to make every time I see my friends in person extra special,

[2:06:16] Unknown speaker: or insanely memorable, because we see each other way less than we used to.

[2:06:21] Unknown speaker: But instead of sharing how I feel, I freak out and stress about ways to go over the top with every experience we have.

[2:06:26] Unknown speaker: I'm sorry we never talked more about how you're feeling, being up here year-round, Peggy.

[2:06:30] Unknown speaker: It's okay, Angelica.

[2:06:31] Unknown speaker: But it's not okay, Peggy. We are always here for you, and we are always here to work things out.

[2:06:38] Unknown speaker: We will fix this, Peggy. We will work together to make you happy.

[2:06:42] Unknown speaker: And I never meant to give you a task that would make you feel so isolated.

[2:06:45] Unknown speaker: See, Peggy? This is what the holidays are all about. So come on, Peggy.

[2:06:50] Unknown speaker: Peggy, fight off the darkness and shed this queen of shadows disguise. You can do it.

[2:06:56] Unknown speaker: Let it out, Peggy. I've known since you were little that you have a powerful song inside of you that can conquer any shadow.

[2:07:03] Unknown speaker: Let it out and sing, Peggy!

[2:07:05] Unknown speaker: Sing, Peggy. Share your voice.

[2:07:20] Unknown speaker: Let it out.

[2:07:22] ♪ Musical number: "Let Love Ring" — performed by the cast ♪

[2:10:28] Bryan Plofsky: The shadows! The dark billowing storm clouds! They're disappearing! And the sun is coming in!

[2:10:35] Kevin Jaeger: No, wait! There's something blocking the sun!

[2:10:38] Kimberly Schmidt: It's a giant dragon with a woman in a red riding hood on its back!

[2:10:43] Jay Schmidt: I'm coming, Princess Fief Iona!

[2:10:46] Nikisha Williams: Sir Ponselot, we couldn't make a dragon-sized hole, and then I threw the star vehicle, and then—

[2:10:51] Aaron J Albano: It's okay. We saved the day. Well, Peggy did.

[2:10:54] Hayley Podschun: Peggy!

[2:10:55] Jamie Steiner: Angelica? Eliza? And you swear that this is really you, not the Queen of Shadows?

[2:11:02] Nikisha Williams: I swear, it is Peggy, and only Peggy who stands before you. Embarrassed and ashamed that I—

[2:11:10] Hayley Podschun: Never feel embarrassed or ashamed for having honest feelings. It is hard in these caves all year alone, but I've grown kind of fond of them during this adventure. Maybe I'll stay up here with you.

[2:11:22] Jamie Steiner: Honestly, I got the best sleep I've ever had here.

[2:11:25] Nikisha Williams: Oh my gosh, me too. I would totally relocate with all of you.

[2:11:29] Aaron J Albano: Let's do it!

[2:11:30] Hayley Podschun: Oh, I would truly love that so much. And now that I know I can talk to you about my feelings, I don't think the darkness will ever stand a chance again. There is so much to do.

[2:11:41] Bryan Plofsky: But before we do anything, Falkor?

[2:11:44] Aaron J Albano: Yes, Peggy?

[2:11:45] Nikisha Williams: You have a job to do.

[2:11:47] Hayley Podschun: Aaron, Akisha, and Haley are going along for the ride. Anyone else? No? Okay.

[2:11:55] Bryan Plofsky: Come on now, Falkor. You know the drill. We need that holiday flame, and we need it badly!

[2:12:01] Kevin Jaeger: Oh, and don't forget to save the narrator from the top of Mount Olympia Dukakis before you start shooting fire anywhere.

[2:12:07] Aaron J Albano: I shall save your friend the narrator, and then light the holiday flame!

[2:12:11] Hayley Podschun: I'll be back soon. Everyone, hold tight. Here we go.

[2:12:16] Bryan Plofsky: And that is how a group of people from the Broadwaysted cinematic universe came together and rescued Falkor and the Three Sisters of the Dragon and became legends in the realm of Broadwaysted.

[2:12:31] Kevin Jaeger: It was truly a beautiful sight to see people out in the street as Falkor flew triumphantly through the air. They were singing, dancing, jumping in the air, waving and shouting.

[2:12:44] Kimberly Schmidt: And the cheer that erupted throughout the land when Falkor lit the holiday flame resonated with such pure happiness that I was moved to tears.

[2:12:57] Jay Schmidt: It is done. The holidays are safe, and boy am I tired.

[2:13:03] Nikisha Williams: We should probably get Falkor to bed. This has been a big day for him.

[2:13:07] Hayley Podschun: Angelica, Eliza, Peggy, shall we put him down together?

[2:13:11] Bryan Plofsky: Of course. We'll be right back, everyone.

[2:13:13] Kevin Jaeger: And just like that, everything is wrapping up rather neatly.

[2:13:18] Kimberly Schmidt: Hey, wait. Are we ever going to meet that guy who was the drama master? The one who was helping us through a psychic link whenever he could? There's gotta be a fun reveal of who he really is.

[2:13:31] Jay Schmidt: Hey, adventurers!

[2:13:32] Kevin Jaeger: Oh, there you are, drama master.

[2:13:34] Alex Fossella: I wasn't able to be there to help my BCU family in person, but you know you couldn't do something this epic without every part of the BCU.

[2:13:42] Bryan Plofsky: Broadway baby?

[2:13:44] Alex Fossella: It's me, Alex Fossella. You going through that portal back in part one was like the Broadwaysted assemble call I needed to spring into action. Plus, it was fun being the wise one, giving insight this time, instead of the other way around.

[2:13:55] Kimberly Schmidt: I love it. It really did take all of us to do this. And honestly, this might be the best holiday memory yet.

[2:14:01] Jay Schmidt: I will definitely enjoy reminiscing about this holiday adventure when I'm old and gray with you, Kimberly.

[2:14:04] Kimberly Schmidt: And I'm glad we have this moment all together. It's even better than having a deeply moving love letter from Sir Ponselot.

[2:14:13] Kevin Jaeger: Oh wait, you mean these?

[2:14:15] Alex Fossella: I ran into Daisy and Violet and they gave me these.

[2:14:17] Bryan Plofsky: Our letters!

[2:14:18] Kimberly Schmidt: It's a holiday miracle!

[2:14:19] Jay Schmidt: No, the holiday miracle is this video footage of Kevin tap dancing to save Hayley.

[2:14:24] Kevin Jaeger: Wait, what? I have got to see that.

[2:14:27] Kimberly Schmidt: Oh, let me see!

[2:14:28] Jay Schmidt: What are you all looking at?

[2:14:30] Kevin Jaeger: Me being tortured.

[2:14:31] Jay Schmidt: What?

[2:14:32] Kevin Jaeger: No, I'm just kidding. They're watching me do whatever it takes to save a friend. And right now, I'm pretty proud of it.

[2:14:42] Kimberly Schmidt: I want to grimace at it, but for some reason, I can't stop smiling.

[2:14:48] Jay Schmidt: What is this magic?

[2:14:50] Kevin Jaeger: It's the magic of the holiday flame. And you've given that gift to all of us in Broadwaysted once again. Thank you, brave warriors. Thank you for saving us. Thank you for saving the holidays. And thank you for saving me.

[2:15:03] Nikisha Williams: We will never forget you and your heroism this holiday season. And there's a sleeping holiday dragon who will definitely be dreaming of the heroic fellowship who saved us all.

[2:15:12] Aaron J Albano: Well, now it's time to send you back where you came from. Back through the same portal I brought you here in.

[2:15:18] Jay Schmidt: Aha! So it was a portal!

[2:15:21] Bryan Plofsky: Jay!

[2:15:22] Kevin Jaeger: Happy holidays, friends. Carry the holiday flame in your hearts. Not just this holiday season, but throughout all of your many adventures.

[2:15:33] Kimberly Schmidt: All right, gang, here we go. Ready, set, jump!

[2:15:37] All: Jump!

[2:15:46] Kevin Jaeger: Whoa! Okay, we're back at the Airbnb in upstate New York. Is everyone here and accounted for?

[2:15:52] Bryan Plofsky: BCU roll call. Brian, here.

[2:15:55] Kevin Jaeger: Good. Kevin?

[2:15:57] Kevin Jaeger: Here.

[2:15:58] Kimberly Schmidt: Here.

[2:15:59] Bryan Plofsky: And we're all here. Jay, Erin, Nakisha, Haley, Jamie, we're all here. And that was amazing, but I am exhausted.

[2:16:06] Kevin Jaeger: I'm ready for an incredible night's sleep.

[2:16:08] Kimberly Schmidt: Oh, me too. Let's hit the hay.

[2:16:10] Bryan Plofsky: Yes, please. I'm so tired.

[2:16:12] Alex Fossella: So, is there a bed somewhere I can crash in?

[2:16:16] Kevin Jaeger: Yeah, Alex, there's an extra bedroom down the hall from ours. I'll show him.

[2:16:19] Bryan Plofsky: Good night, everyone. Thanks for saving us. Love you all. Can't wait to wake up tomorrow and exchange presents.

[2:16:24] All: Good night. Season's greetings. Sondheim bless us, everyone.

[2:16:28] All: Good night, friends. Happy holidays.

[2:16:30] Kimberly Schmidt: I think I'm going to head up to bed, too. Okay?

[2:16:33] Bryan Plofsky: Of course. I'm right behind you.

[2:16:35] Jay Schmidt: Well, don't come up too quickly. I have some reading I wanted to do before bed.

[2:16:39] Kimberly Schmidt: Happy holidays, Jamie.

[2:16:41] Jamie Steiner: You too, Serpantalot. Dang, I'm really going to miss that stealth ability.

[2:16:45] Jay Schmidt: Yeah, I'm going to miss changing into animals.

[2:16:48] Kevin Jaeger: There's so many I didn't get to try, like Horn the Elephant or Jungle Cat or one of the tigers from the Siegfried and Roy shows in Vegas.

[2:16:55] Bryan Plofsky: Would those tigers count as musical theater animals, Jay?

[2:16:58] Jay Schmidt: Look, we're reopening shows that closed, but they're not revivals. They're just starting on Broadway again. So, honestly, anything goes now.

[2:17:05] Kevin Jaeger: And with that pearl of wisdom, I am heading to bed.

[2:17:09] All: Oh, good night, everyone. Happy holidays.

[2:17:12] All: Happy holidays, Jay.

[2:17:13] Kimberly Schmidt: Oh, and Kevin?

[2:17:14] Kevin Jaeger: Yeah?

[2:17:15] Kimberly Schmidt: You know most of those things were not even remotely Dungeons & Dragons-based, right?

[2:17:20] Kevin Jaeger: Oh, yeah, totally aware.

[2:17:22] Kimberly Schmidt: Okay, just making sure. And Jay?

[2:17:24] Jay Schmidt: Yes, Jaybird?

[2:17:25] Kimberly Schmidt: Stop stressing about this being the perfect holiday. If you're here, it's the perfect holiday. That's kind of how it works.

[2:17:30] Jay Schmidt: I'll see you when you come to bed.

[2:17:34] Kimberly Schmidt: Good night, Jaybird.

[2:17:35] Jay Schmidt: Night-night.

[2:17:36] Bryan Plofsky: Well, Kevin and Kimberly, it's just us. What an adventure, huh?

[2:17:40] Kevin Jaeger: So, how should we end it?

[2:17:42] Kimberly Schmidt: I think we should probably reflect on everything that's happened and remember that all of it is a labor of love to raise support for the incredible work that our friends at Broadway Bound Kids are doing. They're seriously the best.

[2:17:54] Kevin Jaeger: And I just had a great idea. While this short message about our friends at BBK plays, let's each pick out a present and open it now.

[2:18:03] Kimberly Schmidt: What about these three? They have our names on them, but they don't say who they're from. And the wrapping paper isn't like any of the paper anyone used for their gifts.

[2:18:12] Bryan Plofsky: Let's open these as the message starts.

[2:18:15] Colin Donnell: Hey, everybody, Colin Donnell here.

[2:18:17] Patti Murin: This is Patti Murin.

[2:18:18] Kelvin Moonlow: This is Kelvin Moonlow.

[2:18:19] Jaylane Markle: Jaylane Markle.

[2:18:20] Jeremy Jordan: Jeremy Jordan.

[2:18:21] Elliott Maddox: This is Elliott Maddox.

[2:18:22] Michael Cerberus: I'm Michael Cerberus.

[2:18:23] Squiggs: This is Squiggs.

[2:18:24] Antoine L. Smith: Antoine L. Smith.

[2:18:25] Jen Gambatese: This is Jen Gambatese.

[2:18:26] T-Boy Itch: T-Boy Itch.

[2:18:27] Aaron Albano: Aaron Albano.

[2:18:28] Haley Podschun: Haley Podschun.

[2:18:29] Robbie Rozelle: Robbie Rozelle.

[2:18:30] Michael Kilgore: Michael Kilgore.

[2:18:31] Madison Stratton: Madison Stratton.

[2:18:32] Andrew Bredis: Andrew Bredis.

[2:18:33] James Monroe Iglehart: James Monroe Iglehart.

[2:18:34] Hannah Ellis: And I'm Hannah Ellis, and this holiday season, we as the hosts of the show want to ask all of you listeners of the show to look inside your theater-loving, radio-play listening hearts and join us in supporting our amazing friends at Broadway Bound Kids.

[2:18:47] Colin Donnell: Broadway Bound Kids is a nonprofit that inspires and empowers young lives through the performing arts in a transformative and inclusive community. Their mission is simple. To make arts education accessible to as many students as possible throughout Manhattan and the surrounding boroughs.

[2:19:01] Patti Murin: Students in the Broadway Bound Kids program experience creative and exciting classes and workshops led by talented, caring teaching artists who are professional performers here in the city. Just like all of us, Broadway Bound Kids passionately believes that involvement in the performing arts increases self-esteem, confidence, self-expression, critical thinking, and empathy. These lessons will aid students at home and in school.

[2:19:23] Kelvin Moonlow: Your support enables Broadway Bound Kids to offer free, subsidized, and scholarship programs for more than 500 students every week. $1,000 can sponsor one child for Broadway Bound Kids for an entire year. So let's see how many year-long scholarships we can give out for Broadway Bound Kids.

[2:19:40] Jaylane Markle: If you're a member of Broadway Kids Patreon, 100% of the proceeds from December will be going directly to Broadway Bound Kids. Not a member of Patreon? Then go directly to www.broadwayboundkids.net and click on Donate.

[2:19:52] Jeremy Jordan: And that's it!

[2:19:53] Erin Glass: Hi, my name is Erin Glass, and I'm the founder of Broadway Bound Kids. Thank you so much for your support, and from all of us at Broadway Bound Kids and all of us friends of the show, and from all of us at Broadwaysted, Happy Holidays!

[2:20:05] All: Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Wishing you a fabulous holiday season. Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Happy! Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Feliz Navidad! Happy Holidays!

[2:20:22] Bryan Plofsky: And this has been another epic holiday radio musical adventure by Kevin Jaeger and Jason Pomerantz. We wish you all a very happy, healthy, and safe holiday season. And thank you for your support in our adventures in Broadwaysted and all of our adventures over the past five-plus years.

[2:20:39] Kevin Jaeger: But I can't wait anymore. I'm so excited! What did you guys get in your mystery presents?

[2:20:42] Kimberly Schmidt: We all just ripped the paper off. Now open your box in one, two, three!

[2:20:49] All: Wow! It's a pair of Heelys!

[2:20:52] All: And I got a pair of boxing gloves!

[2:20:54] All: And I got a pair of tap shoes.

[2:20:58] Bryan Plofsky: But who are these from?

[2:21:00] Kevin Jaeger: Wait, do you think they're from...

[2:21:02] Kimberly Schmidt: They have to be, right?

[2:21:04] Kevin Jaeger: Yeah, I think so.

[2:21:06] All: Thank you, listener!

[2:21:07] Bryan Plofsky: Well, that brings us to the end of our episode. So from all of us in the Broadwaysted family, Happy Holidays!

[2:21:12] All: And as we end every adventure, Zootoowabum!

[2:21:24] All: Zootoowabum!