This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Jesse McAnally: Hello, I'm Jesse McAnally.

[0:02] Alan Seales: And I'm Alan Seales. I had a great day. And I was... She did not have a great day.

[0:21] Jesse McAnally: And welcome to Carrey'd Away, a podcast where we explore the films and television shows starring the one and only James Eugene Carrey. And today, we are asking ourselves, is it woke that God is black? I was not asking myself that until just now. I thought we were gonna ask ourselves, what would you do if you had God powers? That was what the trailer's like. If you could be God for one week, what would you do? Did you guys catch the Vertical Horizon song in there when he finally got his God powers? Yes, yes, I listened to Vertical Horizon a lot. Anyway, we'll get there. In case you haven't picked up what we're throwing down, because we're being very subtle, and we're definitely not rushing through this episode at a breakneck speed for no particular reason.

This week, we are talking about Bruce Almighty. Cue the trailer. I'm God. How many fingers am I holding up? Seven. What if God granted you his power? If that was God, then I'm Clint Eastwood. Be careful what you wish for, punk. On May 23rd, Jim Carrey is Bruce Almighty.

[1:32] Jesse McAnally: So Bruce Almighty was the film released May 14th, 2003 in Hollywood, releasing for everyone on May 23rd, 2003. Written by Steve Corn, Mark O'Keefe, and Steve Oedekerk. He's back, baby! Steve Oedekerk wrote this, too? He did rewrites on it once Jim Carrey was cast. I mean, he's kind of his guy.

[1:55] Alan Seales: Yeah. And Jim Carrey is listed as a producer on this one.

[1:58] Jesse McAnally: Yeah. I mean, we'll get to, like, this is kind of the start of something that will become commonplace, but by the time we do Yes Man, Jim Carrey has set up, like, something in his contract that is now boilerplate, but he was the first to ever do it, but we gotta wait a little bit for that. But the film stars Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Aniston, and Philip Baker Hall, and as well, Steve Carell. Directed by Tom Shadiac, who had an interesting future going on, the plot of Bruce Almighty is Bruce Nolan toils as a human interest television reporter in Buffalo, New York, but despite his high ratings and the love of his beautiful girlfriend, Bruce remains unfulfilled. At the end of the worst day of his life, he angrily ridicules God, and the Almighty responds, endowing Bruce with all of his divine powers.

[2:51] Jesse McAnally: This was a massive deal when this came out. This was Jim Carrey's kind of return to comedy, his follow-up to The Majestic. He had to take two years to lick his wounds and come back with, like, I can still be funny, guys! I can do it! I don't have to do any of that other stuff. It didn't swing the pendulum all the way back to Ace Ventura-level comedy, and I appreciated that. I appreciated that this was a nice sort of blend of, like, I'm trying to be a real character here, but I'm still Jim Carrey. Um, it hits, like, The Liar Liar, which I think is actually the Jim Carrey sweet spot.

[3:30] Alan Seales: Yes, agreed. Agreed, agreed, agreed, and actually plays well against Jennifer Aniston. She plays, she, like, pulling in her friends sort of, uh, uh, she's not trying to be the funny one, but she can let it bounce off her really well.

[3:43] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, she's very good at yes-anding, and she's a memorable girlfriend, and I think it's just based on her charm, uh, what could have been a very, uh, thankless character.

[3:53] Alan Seales: Uh, Liz, what are your thoughts?

[3:53] Jesse McAnally: It's fine. C minus! Uh, it's a movie. It was kind of funny, I guess. Um, yeah. I don't have a deep thought about Bruce Almighty, to be perfectly honest with you.

[4:08] Alan Seales: I, I, I completely understand, and I, I, I don't blame you. Um, I, I think that this film is an interesting story, great premise, well-executed, a lot of really cool practical effects. I don't find it funny. I don't think it's a very funny movie.

[4:28] Jesse McAnally: Do you think it's funnier than Ace Ventura?

[4:30] Alan Seales: I think its tone is more effective than Ace Ventura, but I don't think the jokes are landing as much. Like, I think, I think this is more of a, a, of a, of an ensemble, talented cast, with, with Steve Carell and Jennifer Aniston, and of course, Jim Carrey, and like everybody else, all the supporting characters were equally powerhouse, powerhouse people when they were making this movie, and I think it plays. It, it plays well.

[5:04] Jesse McAnally: Sincerely, the only scenes that I think really kind of work as a comedic conceit are the scenes with Jim Carrey and Morgan Freeman together, because Morgan Freeman as, like, this serious foil to Jim Carrey's wackiness is very effective. It is very much like a Bugs Bunny cartoon, where Morgan Freeman is this Bugs Bunny against this wacky, daffy duck character that's just so frustrating. That is actually where the movie sings for me, and it's not enough of the movie.

[5:32] Alan Seales: Yeah, that's true, but he did throw in a little alrighty then. Did you catch that?

[5:40] Jesse McAnally: Morgan Freeman gave an alrighty then.

[5:44] Alan Seales: Morgan Freeman, like, complicated, definitely actor with a long history and a little bit of controversy behind him himself. Perfect for God in a way where no one questioned it. There was not a fucking, like, riot because God was played by a black man in 2003 the way there would be today. But he, it was written in a way where it was just like, I'm an everyman. I'm one of you, even though I'm not. Like, my job's hard, but I get it. It's kind of shitty. Like, he would use the word shitty.

[6:22] Jesse McAnally: I guess, and it is kind of like, what is the message of this movie? Because I struggle with it.

[6:34] Alan Seales: The message I took away was just be kind to each other.

[6:40] Jesse McAnally: It's okay if everyone's dying and God won't listen. Just be the miracle yourself.

[6:45] Alan Seales: And if everyone wins the lottery, no one wins the lottery.

[6:49] Jesse McAnally: Riots.

[6:50] Alan Seales: Riots in the streets.

[6:51] Jesse McAnally: Riots when somebody, sportsy sports slappy pucks wins the Stanley Cup.

[6:58] Alan Seales: I don't know who it was.

[7:00] Jesse McAnally: It was, I forgot.

[7:02] Alan Seales: See? See, it doesn't even matter. Some local team. It was a Buffalo team. It was probably made up.

[7:09] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, why Buffalo of all places? Why are so many movies set in Buffalo? What's so special about Buffalo? No offense to Buffalo, but I'm going to sidetrack on this.

[7:17] Alan Seales: I'm guessing film incentives.

[7:19] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, also they film this at the New York City Universal Studios lot in Los Angeles.

[7:26] Alan Seales: Yes, yes, they did.

[7:27] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, so.

[7:27] Alan Seales: Did not know that. So they didn't even make it down here to the-

[7:31] Jesse McAnally: No, it was entirely filmed in California.

[7:34] Alan Seales: Wait, wait, wait. They didn't even film in Buffalo?

[7:36] Jesse McAnally: No.

[7:36] Alan Seales: No, never touched Buffalo. It was claimed it was in Buffalo.

[7:40] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, so why is everything set in Buffalo?

[7:41] Alan Seales: I know the Irishman is set in Delaware County, but it's shot in Philly and shot in New York, so I don't know.

[7:49] Jesse McAnally: I think for the reason of they wanted the Maid of the Mist sequence, because it would be funny to get Jim Carrey all wet.

[7:55] Alan Seales: Ew.

[7:58] Jesse McAnally: Wait, wait, wait. Was that not even filmed in location? Do we know that?

[8:01] Alan Seales: I doubt it was.

[8:02] Jesse McAnally: I doubt it. It's hard to find location reports at a certain point, so.

[8:07] Alan Seales: Because I feel like I was looking for green screen sort of stuff, and I didn't tell, I could not tell that was a green screen.

[8:16] Jesse McAnally: But again, anyway, backing up, there's a lot of things I remember. I saw this, what, a bajillion years ago.

[8:21] Alan Seales: And so this came out in 2003.

[8:24] Jesse McAnally: Yes.

[8:24] Alan Seales: And so I was 23, 20, depending on when it came out, right?

[8:27] Jesse McAnally: 23.

[8:28] Alan Seales: 22, 23, and-

[8:31] Jesse McAnally: Guess how old I was, Alan.

[8:32] Alan Seales: Negative two.

[8:35] Jesse McAnally: I think I was eight, and I saw it in a dollar theater.

[8:38] Alan Seales: I remember dollar theaters!

[8:40] Jesse McAnally: We had one where I grew up, because all the movies that nobody wanted to see came there.

[8:45] Alan Seales: Yep.

[8:45] Jesse McAnally: Including this one, probably.

[8:47] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[8:47] Jesse McAnally: I mean, people saw this movie. It made a fuck ton of money.

[8:50] Alan Seales: What did it gross?

[8:52] Jesse McAnally: Throw a number out. I know Liz knows, so Alan, throw a number out.

[8:57] Alan Seales: Let's see, a good thing, let's see. 300 million today, so I would say 150 million in 2006.

[9:04] Jesse McAnally: 484.6 million.

[9:08] Alan Seales: What?

[9:08] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, this is the highest grossing Jim Carrey movie until Sonic the Hedgehog beat the record.

[9:15] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[9:17] Jesse McAnally: No way!

[9:19] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[9:19] Jesse McAnally: This was a big fucking deal. He was a pull still, and this was probably the last time he could sell a movie just based on his thing.

[9:27] Alan Seales: And as I teased up earlier with Yes Man, he thought in, like, nearly 10 years later, he could still have that pull.

[9:36] Jesse McAnally: In fact, he signed the very first back end deal ever done for a lead actor, where he took no money up front and then asked for the back end on whatever they made.

[9:48] Alan Seales: Wait, in Bruce Almighty he did that, or Yes Man?

[9:50] Jesse McAnally: No, for Yes Man, because he was that confident in his own abilities, and obviously did not make Bruce Almighty money, because he kind of slept on that a little too much.

[9:59] Alan Seales: Wow.

[10:00] Jesse McAnally: Also, to the credit of the movie, it says it was filmed in Niagara Falls.

[10:04] Alan Seales: So.

[10:05] Jesse McAnally: There we go! They did go to New York for, like, five seconds, but they mostly were in Torrance and Universal City.

[10:13] Alan Seales: Yeah, you can't go to, like, you can't go talk about Maid of the Mist and not be on Maid of the Mist. I know of Maid of the Mist because of Bruce Almighty.

[10:21] Jesse McAnally: I knew about it beforehand, because I went on it, because I went to Niagara Falls.

[10:25] Alan Seales: And yeah, you get wet.

[10:27] Jesse McAnally: You get pretty wet.

[10:28] Alan Seales: My kids were miserable, even with ponchos.

[10:31] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, I would be too.

[10:33] Alan Seales: We're selling it real hard, aren't we?

[10:34] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, yeah.

[10:35] Alan Seales: Don't go to Niagara Falls.

[10:37] Jesse McAnally: Just, you know, pick a different vacation location.

[10:40] Alan Seales: Or at least go to the Canadian side.

[10:41] Jesse McAnally: It's way better.

[10:42] Alan Seales: Even then, it's still a fucking tourist trap.

[10:45] Jesse McAnally: It is now.

[10:46] Alan Seales: It's got arcades and weird bars that people sit in and get drunk in like a tourist.

[10:54] Jesse McAnally: Me and Miranda went to our five-year anniversary there, and it was truly a horrendous experience. Don't go to Niagara Falls.

[11:00] Alan Seales: It's a waste of time for everyone involved.

[11:03] Jesse McAnally: Well, yeah, I could have told you that for a five-year anniversary.

[11:06] Alan Seales: I'm not doing that for my tenure.

[11:08] Jesse McAnally: Well, we were not quite 21 yet, so we could go there to drink.

[11:13] Alan Seales: Oh, I see. I see.

[11:16] Jesse McAnally: Drink and gamble.

[11:17] Alan Seales: What's the legal drinking age in Canada?

[11:20] Jesse McAnally: 18.

[11:20] Alan Seales: Is it 18? All right.

[11:22] Jesse McAnally: I'm sorry for asking.

[11:25] Alan Seales: Either way, this movie washes over you in a way that I can't say I'm compelled by it, but I'm not angry about it either.

[11:32] Jesse McAnally: Explain.

[11:39] Alan Seales: Like, this is probably the most by-the-books rom-com setup. Even me, myself, and Irene.

[11:45] Alan Seales: Had a little wackier kind of structure, where here it's like, you know, we got the girlfriend, and we got to get to, right at the end of the act two, we got to get to the really lowest point where they break up, and then they get back together right before the film wraps up. Like, it hits all the beats, and yeah, there is a high concept thing of like, I have god powers, but it is kind of the most movie movie there's been. Like, it's just by the books, narrative beats. Like, they read Save the Cat and filled in the blanks. I wonder if, okay, hypothetically, if they had did less relationshipy, more god powers, would that have done it for you? Or would you would rather have it gone the other direction?

I mean, okay, no, I retract that second part, because it's called Bruce Almighty. It's about having god powers. So would you rather it lean more into that, and just have the girlfriend there as like, a lesser of a character? I don't mind her being a character. I don't love the hot girl at work that he's eventually gonna try to fuck, and then he's gonna regret it, you know?

[12:54] Jess McAnally: Yeah, I could have done without that part. That was unnecessary.

[12:57] Alan Seales: Yeah, that was weird. And it kind of, they are trying to hit that Liar Liar magic, where in Liar Liar, he was divorced, so it's kind of okay that he's kind of trying to get some with ladies. Here, he's very much in a committed relationship, so he's just a scumbag. I'm like, God, why are you giving him these powers?

[13:16] Jess McAnally: Yeah, he's one of the worst movie boyfriends I've ever seen, like, actively, on the top five. Actually, my question after watching it earlier today was, why did God choose him? Of all the people, maybe he's doing this in parallel. Maybe, like, he's not actually taking a vacation. He's just recycling the script that he and his God and his disciples wrote. Like, hey, how are we gonna preach to people and teach them lessons without actually making them know they're learning? And then, so they just go out, you know, in parallel, and they do this to 3,000 people at once.

[13:51] Alan Seales: I'm of the opinion that it isn't God but Satan. You know what? Fuck it.

[13:57] Jess McAnally: Well, do you wanna hear about the proposed sequel that they were gonna make instead of Evan Almighty?

[14:02] Alan Seales: Um, yes, I do. Yes.

[14:06] Jess McAnally: So the original pitch for the sequel was called Brucifer.

[14:13] Alan Seales: What? That's funny. That's a good point.

[14:15] Jess McAnally: So the sequel would involve Jennifer Aniston dying, and Jim Carrey, instead of being so sad, instead of taking God's powers, he takes on Satan's powers and tries to use them to resurrect her.

[14:30] Alan Seales: I'm into that! That's a good- I wanna see that one! Why did they do that and not-

[14:34] Jess McAnally: I don't know. I read that today while I was watching the movie, and I was like, my God, I wish that was real. That's Brucifer.

[14:42] Alan Seales: Persephone and Orpheus.

[14:42] Jess McAnally: Yeah, basically, yeah. Dude. I would've liked it.

[14:47] Alan Seales: Let's see if I can find more info about it, like, detail, but yeah, it's insane. They actually did make that sequel. They called it Hadestown.

[14:54] Jess McAnally: Yeah, imagine Jim Carrey as Orpheus.

[14:57] Alan Seales: Oh boy, that's awful.

[14:59] Jess McAnally: Would he be better than Reeve Kearney?

[15:01] Alan Seales: I think they have a very similar vibe about them.

[15:05] Jess McAnally: They're tall and skinny, and they can make faces.

[15:09] Alan Seales: They certainly can. Brucifer would've been better. Have either of you seen Evan Almighty?

[15:16] Jess McAnally: Many times.

[15:17] Alan Seales: Probably, but I can't remember. Also written by Tom Shadyac.

[15:21] Jess McAnally: I'm more concerned about many times with you, Liz. Why?

[15:24] Alan Seales: Because cable. It was just always on, and I was home, and I didn't care, so I just put it on the background.

[15:33] Jess McAnally: It's not a terrible movie. I feel like it gets overhated, but...

[15:38] Alan Seales: It's just a little too complicated. Alan, can you tell me what you think the budget for Bruce Almighty is, then what do you think the budget of Evan Almighty is?

[15:48] Jess McAnally: Let's see. I'm looking. Okay, Bruce Almighty is 2003, Evan Almighty is 2007.

[15:52] Alan Seales: 2007. When was Steve Carell all height of The Office?

[15:57] Jess McAnally: I think he's just about to start The Office in 2007.

[16:00] Alan Seales: No, no, no. The Office started in 2006, so The Office has been going on for a year at this point.

[16:05] Jess McAnally: Yeah, but that's a shitty year. It didn't hit yet.

[16:08] Alan Seales: Yeah, but it was still a big show, critically.

[16:12] Jess McAnally: Yeah, okay. IMDb says 2005 to 2013 for The Office.

[16:17] Alan Seales: Okay, so Bruce Almighty, I think, I'm going to say, with all of the effects that they used that were actually pretty good, and Morgan Freeman's salary, and Jim Carrey, and Jennifer Aniston's salary, I'm going to go with $150 million for Bruce Almighty.

[16:36] Jess McAnally: Okay, and what's-

[16:36] Alan Seales: $81 million.

[16:37] Jess McAnally: $81.

[16:37] Alan Seales: What? Oh, all right.

[16:39] Jess McAnally: And what's the budget for Evan Almighty?

[16:41] Alan Seales: Yeah, throw a number out.

[16:42] Jess McAnally: So $81 in-

[16:44] Alan Seales: It did go out. It was released in theaters.

[16:48] Jess McAnally: Yes, it's not a direct-to-DVD.

[16:49] Alan Seales: Yeah, even though it seems like it.

[16:51] Jess McAnally: Oh, I remember it. I remember it, because he grows this big beard.

[16:55] Alan Seales: Yeah, he becomes Noah.

[16:56] Jess McAnally: He becomes Noah, yeah.

[16:59] Alan Seales: I'm going to go with- I'll go back to $150 million.

[17:01] Jess McAnally: $150 million.

[17:02] Alan Seales: $175 million.

[17:05] Jess McAnally: And it made $174 million.

[17:07] Alan Seales: Woo! One of the biggest box office bombs of all time.

[17:14] Jess McAnally: It is in the Guinness Books of World Records of biggest bombs of all time.

[17:18] Alan Seales: It's bad. I think it might not have been topped until, like, the Marvels.

[17:23] Jess McAnally: I think it's, like, only recently been topped. Or what about- wasn't it Oogie Loves and the Big Balloon Adventure or something?

[17:28] Alan Seales: You are 100% correct, but I think it's, like, in relation to budget.

[17:33] Jess McAnally: Oh, okay. I'll find a list. I know Oogie Loves is, like, one of the worst-received wide-release films ever made.

[17:41] Alan Seales: Yeah, it made, like, $3.

[17:43] Jess McAnally: And that's not even hyperbole.

[17:45] Alan Seales: Yeah, literally. Um, Oogie Loves is a wild ride and truly I cannot wait to cover it on the cheese wheel because it's just a matter of time before Andrew puts it on.

[17:55] Jess McAnally: Does he know what that is?

[17:57] Alan Seales: I know he does. He's brought it up.

[17:59] Jess McAnally: Okay.

[18:00] Alan Seales: Okay, I don't- I don't know these things.

[18:03] Jess McAnally: Andrew has a deep love for animatronics, so.

[18:06] Alan Seales: Oh, god.

[18:09] Jess McAnally: Samesies.

[18:10] Alan Seales: Oh, god. I'm gonna- I'm gonna put Barn- a Barney one on now.

[18:33] Alan Seales: Speaking of robots that don't exist, how about we compare our opinions to those of the critics over on Letterboxd.com? It's time for the Letterboxd game, one star, five star.

[18:42] Jess McAnally: C plus transition.

[18:43] Alan Seales: Hey, I'm keeping this show rolling. I- I am not gonna be the reason why Alan cannot speak to Darren Criss tonight.

[18:52] Jess McAnally: It's gonna come out-

[18:53] Alan Seales: It's gonna come out months later, too, so we're gonna forget all this.

[18:57] Jess McAnally: Months and years, let's be honest.

[18:59] Alan Seales: Years after this is recorded. Trump is in his third term right now.

[19:05] Jess McAnally: Good god.

[19:05] Alan Seales: Robert Kennedy is his vice president.

[19:07] Jess McAnally: It's terrible.

[19:09] Alan Seales: And some- and the bear is the secretary of state.

[19:12] Jess McAnally: Yeah, and the whale is the secretary of education.

[19:16] Alan Seales: Oh, god. You know what? Bernie Sanders, like, still Medicare for All.

[19:21] Jess McAnally: Yep.

[19:22] Alan Seales: All right, Letterboxd game.

[19:23] Jess McAnally: Bernie's still kicking. Letterboxd game.

[19:24] Alan Seales: All right, if this is your first episode, and it might be, uh, welcome.

[19:28] Jess McAnally: Makes sense.

[19:29] Alan Seales: Uh, this is-

[19:30] Jess McAnally: What a one to start on.

[19:31] Alan Seales: What a- what an interesting place to start. Uh, this is the Letterboxd game where I pulled real reviews from Bruce Almighty written by real Letterboxd users that are one star or five star, and Alan and Jess here have to figure out if they're good or bad based on very little and idiotic context.

[19:49] Jess McAnally: I love the internet!

[19:50] Alan Seales: Internet is this, uh, I think sideways put it best, this is gremlin logic, so.

[19:58] Jess McAnally: There are no rules.

[19:58] Alan Seales: All right, who wants to go first?

[20:00] Jess McAnally: I'll let you pick.

[20:01] Alan Seales: I want to go first.

[20:02] Jess McAnally: All right.

[20:03] Alan Seales: All right.

[20:04] Jess McAnally: All right, Jess, you can actually go first. Normally when you do that, I let Alan go first.

[20:09] Alan Seales: All right, are you ready?

[20:11] Jess McAnally: I'm ready.

[20:12] Alan Seales: Jess, he is.

[20:14] Jess McAnally: I had high hopes for the prequel to Evan Almighty, one of the greatest works of Christian mythology in the 21st century.

[20:22] Alan Seales: Ooh, ooh, Christian mythology.

[20:26] Jess McAnally: I'm gonna give that a one.

[20:27] Alan Seales: I think they're being ironical.

[20:28] Jess McAnally: That's correct.

[20:29] Alan Seales: Okay, the other thing about Evan Almighty that is pretty wild, it was one of the first films to partner up with a Christian-based PR firm, specifically designed to market to the Christian community, which is why that film is a lot more overtly Christian than Bruce Almighty.

[20:47] Jess McAnally: And you know what other series would use that same marketing tactics to billions of dollars?

[20:52] Alan Seales: The Chosen Multiverse?

[20:54] Jess McAnally: No, but very close. The Conjuring series.

[20:57] Alan Seales: Wow, what a tweak.

[20:59] Jess McAnally: Christians love the fucking Conjuring, because it makes the fundamentalist Christians look like the good guys.

[21:05] Alan Seales: That's true, that's true.

[21:07] Jess McAnally: All right. When really, they're rapists. Look up the Warrens and their horrible crimes, guys.

[21:13] Alan Seales: All right, Alan, are you ready?

[21:16] Jess McAnally: Jesse, I am.

[21:17] Alan Seales: I'd like to move on from these cries.

[21:20] Jess McAnally: It's really funny to me that Bruce has the power of God, and he just wants to be a news anchor.

[21:26] Alan Seales: That's a good point.

[21:29] Jess McAnally: This critic also has equally low expectations of themselves.

[21:33] Alan Seales: That's a five.

[21:34] Jess McAnally: That's a one.

[21:35] Alan Seales: No!

[21:37] Jess McAnally: It speaks so true to where I currently live.

[21:39] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[21:43] Jess McAnally: All right. What would you do with your powers, Jesse?

[21:46] Alan Seales: You'd be a struggling film director.

[21:49] Jess McAnally: I don't think I'd be struggling.

[21:50] Alan Seales: No, no, you'd be succeeding.

[21:52] Jess McAnally: And he'd give me a lot of credit for that. Give me a job while he's at it.

[21:57] Alan Seales: No, honestly, I'd probably just give all my friends financial stability. That would be my thing.

[22:01] Jess McAnally: And not even a job, just financial stability to all my buddies.

[22:05] Alan Seales: Yeah, he's got a big PayPal thing. I'm like, Jess, what the fuck happened? He's like, oh, I'm God now.

[22:09] Jess McAnally: Oh, yeah, did you not hear? I'm God.

[22:11] Alan Seales: It's like, Jess, there's a lot of money on PayPal. I'm going to get some investigation.

[22:15] Jess McAnally: He's like, I'm God.

[22:16] Alan Seales: I'm God.

[22:17] Jess McAnally: No text. I'm God.

[22:17] Alan Seales: I demolished the IRS.

[22:21] Jess McAnally: Oh, God.

[22:23] Alan Seales: Yes, you can call him, Bruce.

[22:25] Jess McAnally: Sorry, I was raised Catholic, so it was just an instinct.

[22:29] Alan Seales: Oh, Jesus. I can't. I can't change it.

[22:32] Jess McAnally: Jess, are you ready?

[22:33] Alan Seales: Wait, didn't I just?

[22:34] Jess McAnally: Yes, I am.

[22:35] Alan Seales: Yeah, we've only done two.

[22:39] Jess McAnally: This happened to my buddy, Eric.

[22:41] Alan Seales: Oh, it's that meme.

[22:43] Jess McAnally: I know that meme.

[22:44] Alan Seales: They do that all the time.

[22:45] Jess McAnally: I think that's a five.

[22:46] Alan Seales: Yeah, it is.

[22:48] Jess McAnally: I didn't know it was a meme, so.

[22:51] Alan Seales: Yeah, they do that all the time. Anytime there's a wacky premise for a movie, they're like, oh, yeah, this happened to my buddy, Eric.

[22:56] Jess McAnally: Oh, okay, okay.

[22:58] Alan Seales: All right, Alan, are you ready?

[23:00] Jess McAnally: Yes.

[23:00] Alan Seales: Watch the latter half on the toilet.

[23:05] Jess McAnally: Now, did they bring their phone? Or is their TV just like set up at the end of their hallway? Or do they put their laptop in the bathroom with them?

[23:12] Alan Seales: More like a crap top, if you ask me.

[23:14] Jess McAnally: Oh, yeah, that's a five.

[23:16] Alan Seales: That's a five. They enjoyed it so much.

[23:17] Jess McAnally: They watched it on the toilet.

[23:19] Alan Seales: Can't bear to part with it.

[23:21] Jess McAnally: Yep.

[23:31] Jess McAnally: The soup scene was so uncomfortable. Jim's face should be studied.

[23:35] Alan Seales: He was going full Carrie there.

[23:38] Jess McAnally: He looked aroused though, it was weird.

[23:41] Alan Seales: He got a little carried away.

[23:44] Jess McAnally: That's a 5.

[23:48] Alan Seales: Booyah.

[23:50] Jess McAnally: That was actually a creepy scene with the angle of the camera and the liquid and everything.

[23:58] Alan Seales: Yeah, it's a good scene.

[24:00] Jess McAnally: I mean, any low angle shot or any high angle shot is going to read as porn to me.

[24:05] Alan Seales: I feel like the internet has kind of ruined high angle and low angle shots.

[24:09] Jess McAnally: Also, this is just a me thing, but that tomato soup kind of looked like period blood.

[24:14] Alan Seales: That was why it was kind of disturbing.

[24:17] Jess McAnally: Yeah, it kind of looked like period blood, and I hated it.

[24:21] Alan Seales: Not to be this... nope, I'm a man, I'm not asking that.

[24:24] Jess McAnally: You asked me about period blood? I could cut it.

[24:27] Alan Seales: I was just like, is it a different color?

[24:27] Jess McAnally: No, it's red.

[24:27] Alan Seales: Is it a different color than normal blood?

[24:33] Jess McAnally: It's red. It's just blood.

[24:35] Alan Seales: It's a rich red.

[24:36] Jess McAnally: It's just blood, Jess.

[24:38] Alan Seales: I know there's clots in it, so I'm like, the texture's different, but is the color?

[24:42] Jess McAnally: The color is exactly the same as normal blood.

[24:45] Alan Seales: Okay.

[24:46] Jess McAnally: Just a lot of it.

[24:47] Alan Seales: It's just a lot more, and it's not a bad thing.

[24:50] Jess McAnally: Okay, well.

[24:51] Alan Seales: Depending on who you are.

[24:52] Jess McAnally: And it's all normal, ladies.

[24:54] Alan Seales: Mr. Garrison, don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

[24:59] Jess McAnally: You know.

[25:02] Alan Seales: Anyway, is it Alan's turn?

[25:04] Jess McAnally: Yes, it is!

[25:05] Alan Seales: Cut that!

[25:06] Jess McAnally: Cut all that!

[25:07] Alan Seales: Oh, I'm planning on it.

[25:09] Jess McAnally: Oh, man!

[25:10] Alan Seales: I'll cut this.

[25:11] Jess McAnally: Wait, wait, if we're in the cut section, I had to give a note on Domino, because we had to put...

[25:15] Alan Seales: Lovely Tamar did the scene where there's holes drilled in Debris's leg, and she's like, well, if there's holes cut into her leg, it would splatter onto her thigh.

[25:26] Jess McAnally: And I was like, can we wipe that blood off her thigh? Because it's reading very much as menstrual blood.

[25:32] Alan Seales: Can we not have that on her inner thigh, please?

[25:36] Jess McAnally: Yeah.

[25:37] Alan Seales: And since we're in cut-this-shit territory, I was in high school and one of my classmates came up to me during theater and asked me and someone else, when you have your period, can you still go to the bathroom?

[25:49] Jess McAnally: They're different holes, you fucking idiot.

[25:51] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[25:52] Jess McAnally: Someone needs some anatomy lessons.

[25:54] Alan Seales: This poor innocent soul.

[25:55] Jess McAnally: He's a dear little sweet angel baby, but my god.

[25:58] Alan Seales: Anyway.

[25:59] Jess McAnally: So you were supposed to say, no, let me show you.

[26:02] Alan Seales: Ew! No!

[26:03] Jess McAnally: Anyway, future Liz, start paying attention, please.

[26:07] Alan Seales: This is the part you clued.

[26:10] Jess McAnally: All right, Alex.

[26:12] Alan Seales: Double it.

[26:13] Jess McAnally: Yeah!

[26:14] Alan Seales: When I was a kid, I was so obsessed with this movie, I used to hallucinate Jim Carrey.

[26:21] Jess McAnally: Can relate.

[26:23] Alan Seales: I get it.

[26:24] Jess McAnally: I hope not.

[26:26] Alan Seales: I mean, that's a five.

[26:28] Jess McAnally: That is a five.

[26:29] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[26:30] Jess McAnally: Also, I want to point out, it wasn't obsessed and was, it was W-S-S, so O-B-B-S-S-E-D.

[26:38] Alan Seales: I was so obsessed with this movie.

[26:41] Jess McAnally: I was obsessed.

[26:42] Alan Seales: And I don't want to read it like that.

[26:44] Jess McAnally: I was so obsessed.

[26:45] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[26:46] Jess McAnally: Was obsessed.

[26:47] Alan Seales: Obsessed.

[26:48] Jess McAnally: Okay.

[26:50] Alan Seales: I'm ready.

[26:52] Jess McAnally: Is this American Psycho?

[26:54] Alan Seales: That's a five.

[26:57] Jess McAnally: That's a one.

[26:58] Alan Seales: Fuck!

[26:59] Jess McAnally: Alan, you can tie!

[27:01] Alan Seales: I can tie it!

[27:02] Jess McAnally: What if God was one of us?

[27:04] Alan Seales: And I'm going to play that song so much in this episode, aren't I?

[27:07] Jess McAnally: No, you've got to do the Vertical Horizon song.

[27:09] Alan Seales: No, I'm going to put the Glee version of One of Us.

[27:12] Jess McAnally: Oh, God.

[27:13] Alan Seales: And you'll get used to it.

[27:15] Jess McAnally: Damn it.

[27:16] Alan Seales: Enjoy it.

[27:17] Jess McAnally: You'll enjoy it, Alan.

[27:19] Alan Seales: Or else.

[27:20] Jess McAnally: I'll do the original.

[27:21] Alan Seales: I prefer Joan Osborn's version.

[27:23] Jess McAnally: Hey, Alan, did you know the word anal is in your name?

[27:26] Alan Seales: What?

[27:27] Jess McAnally: Nothing.

[27:28] Alan Seales: Go on.

[27:29] Jess McAnally: Something about anals?

[27:31] Alan Seales: Anyway, let's move on.

[27:33] Jess McAnally: Did you know the word anal is in your name?

[27:35] Alan Seales: Anyway, let's move on.

[27:36] Jess McAnally: Please.

[27:37] Alan Seales: Just McAnally?

[27:38] Jess McAnally: Yeah, anal's in both of our names.

[27:40] Alan Seales: We can relate to like that.

[27:42] Jess McAnally: Anyway, Alan, are you ready?

[27:44] Alan Seales: Oh, I was born ready.

[27:46] Jess McAnally: I'm so tired.

[27:47] Alan Seales: I'm also tired.

[27:48] Jess McAnally: I'm trying to move.

[27:49] Alan Seales: Not me.

[27:50] Jess McAnally: Let's go.

[27:51] Alan Seales: I'm losing control.

[27:53] Jess McAnally: Dude could have...

[27:54] Alan Seales: Oh, wait, that's the review?

[27:55] Jess McAnally: No, I'm just saying that in general.

[27:57] Alan Seales: Oh, okay, okay, okay.

[28:00] Jess McAnally: Okay, this is the review.

[28:01] Alan Seales: Okay.

[28:01] Jess McAnally: Dude could have ended homelessness and world hunger with a snap of his fingers, but he decided to shoot bees out of his fucking mouth.

[28:08] Alan Seales: I mean, he had to go back to the overtly racist group of people and take care of them.

[28:14] Jess McAnally: Oh!

[28:19] Alan Seales: Hmm.

[28:20] Jess McAnally: One.

[28:21] Alan Seales: Five.

[28:22] Jess McAnally: No!

[28:24] Alan Seales: This person, whoever gave the review, is also racist.

[28:26] Jess McAnally: I mean, probably.

[28:27] Alan Seales: I wonder if the butt monkey is the same monkey from Ace Ventura.

[28:30] Jess McAnally: No, it's a different monkey.

[28:32] Alan Seales: There's only like one trained animal in every species that they pass around all the movies.

[28:37] Jess McAnally: Also, not to be that person, but that monkey might not have been alive in 2003.

[28:43] Alan Seales: Way to bring down the podcast.

[28:45] Jess McAnally: Way to be that person.

[28:46] Alan Seales: Sorry, I had to.

[28:47] Jess McAnally: 1984 and 2003 are very different years.

[28:50] Alan Seales: Let's see.

[28:51] Jess McAnally: What kind of monkey is that?

[28:52] Alan Seales: I don't know, but can we continue the game instead of looking at this monkey?

[28:55] Jess McAnally: I'm ready!

[28:56] Alan Seales: I'm ready!

[28:57] Jess McAnally: Spider monkeys live up to 25 years in the wild and 40 years in captivity.

[29:01] Alan Seales: Okay, fine.

[29:02] Jess McAnally: The monkey was probably still alive in 2003.

[29:05] Alan Seales: Living in a racially...

[29:08] Jess McAnally: In someone's ass.

[29:10] Alan Seales: Anyway, Jess, are you ready?

[29:12] Jess McAnally: Yes, I am!

[29:16] Alan Seales: They showed scenes of this in Sunday school when I was an infant.

[29:21] Jess McAnally: If you were an infant, how do you remember this?

[29:23] Alan Seales: Checkmate, bitch.

[29:24] Jess McAnally: I think it's a one.

[29:25] Alan Seales: That's a one.

[29:27] Jess McAnally: That's what I would have done, too.

[29:28] Alan Seales: All right.

[29:29] Jess McAnally: Alan.

[29:30] Alan Seales: Yes.

[29:31] Jess McAnally: What the fuck?

[29:32] Alan Seales: There's no way I can win.

[29:33] Jess McAnally: What the fuck is praying?

[29:34] Alan Seales: Explain.

[29:37] Jess McAnally: That is a one!

[29:38] Alan Seales: That is a one!

[29:39] Jess McAnally: Yes!

[29:40] Alan Seales: They kneel and put their hands together.

[29:44] Jess McAnally: And waste time doing things that don't help them.

[29:47] Alan Seales: Or you pull a knee and you're told to do a bunch of prayers and confession in CCD and then you don't do those prayers.

[29:53] Jess McAnally: What did you do instead?

[29:54] Alan Seales: I just sat and read a book or something.

[29:56] Jess McAnally: I don't know what I did.

[29:57] Alan Seales: I was a kid and I forgot.

[29:58] Jess McAnally: You gotta perform 62 Hail Marys and then touchdown.

[30:02] Alan Seales: I didn't do my homework, so I had to do 10 Hail Marys or some shit.

[30:06] Jess McAnally: It was stupid.

[30:07] Alan Seales: Quarterback sneak was always what they did in Sunday school.

[30:10] Jess McAnally: I don't know.

[30:11] Alan Seales: I'm winning fantasy football right now, so I'm feeling good.

[30:16] Jess McAnally: Anyway.

[30:18] Alan Seales: Jess.

[30:19] Jess McAnally: Right?

[30:20] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[30:21] Jess McAnally: Yeah, it's me.

[30:22] Alan Seales: I'm ready.

[30:23] Jess McAnally: My body's ready.

[30:24] Alan Seales: Oh, yeah.

[30:25] Jess McAnally: Yeah.

[30:26] Alan Seales: Okay.

[30:27] Jess McAnally: The idea of God just...

[30:28] Alan Seales: Okay.

[30:29] Jess McAnally: Let me restart that.

[30:30] Alan Seales: The idea that God just likes you so much you become his replacement is ridiculous.

[30:36] Jess McAnally: I don't think God liked Bruce.

[30:37] Alan Seales: No, he didn't.

[30:39] Jess McAnally: I feel like God resented Bruce, but in that way that God loves everyone, according to the Christians, except for the gays and everything like that.

[30:49] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[30:50] Jess McAnally: I don't know.

[30:51] Alan Seales: It's a one.

[30:52] Jess McAnally: That's actually a five.

[30:53] Alan Seales: Fuck!

[30:54] Jess McAnally: And, Alan, there's actually one more, so you can tie it again.

[30:57] Alan Seales: I can't tie it.

[30:58] Jess McAnally: Okay.

[30:59] Alan Seales: There's one more, but it's actually really difficult.

[31:02] Jess McAnally: Woo!

[31:03] Alan Seales: So...

[31:04] Jess McAnally: Don't fuck it up.

[31:05] Alan Seales: Don't fuck it up, man.

[31:06] Jess McAnally: All right.

[31:07] Alan Seales: All right.

[31:13] Jess McAnally: Jim Carrey.

[31:14] Alan Seales: Do your funny faces for your riches.

[31:15] Jess McAnally: I don't care.

[31:16] Alan Seales: Actually, he's hot.

[31:18] Jess McAnally: Oh.

[31:20] Alan Seales: Oh, that is tough.

[31:22] Jess McAnally: Flip a coin.

[31:23] Alan Seales: Bing!

[31:24] Jess McAnally: Five star.

[31:25] Alan Seales: That was a one.

[31:26] Jess McAnally: Jess won the game.

[31:27] Alan Seales: And I will always be to you.

[31:34] Jess McAnally: That's actually not true.

[31:35] Alan Seales: Alan's actually won more times.

[31:37] Jess McAnally: You keep saying that after I lose.

[31:39] Alan Seales: I think the tables have turned.

[31:40] Jess McAnally: I actually haven't kept track recently because there's too many episodes.

[31:44] Alan Seales: Yeah, math's hard.

[31:45] Jess McAnally: And we're doing it all out of order.

[31:47] Alan Seales: Yeah, we're doing so out of order.

[31:49] Jess McAnally: Don't admit that.

[31:50] Alan Seales: Did you know that it's actually March?

[31:51] Jess McAnally: Yeah, we recorded this in 2027.

[31:55] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[31:56] Jess McAnally: This is coming out in 2025, but we recorded it in 2027.

[32:00] Alan Seales: That's how good we are.

[32:02] Jess McAnally: No, it's coming out in 2028.

[32:04] Alan Seales: Oh.

[32:05] Jess McAnally: Yeah.

[32:06] Alan Seales: I mean, that's what we're aiming for.

[32:08] Jess McAnally: Yeah, we're aiming for 2028 for Bruce Almighty.

[32:09] Alan Seales: Oh, 3028.

[32:09] Jess McAnally: Yeah, my sister asked me recently when the number 23 episode's going to come out.

[32:12] Alan Seales: And I'm like, I don't know.

[32:16] Jess McAnally: Probably never.

[32:16] Alan Seales: Because she's preparing to be roasted on that episode because she loved the number 23 as a kid.

[32:25] Jess McAnally: Oh.

[32:23] Alan Seales: She's not going to be roasted, by the way.

[32:25] Jess McAnally: Does your sister listen to us?

[32:27] Alan Seales: Is she our one listener?

[32:28] Jess McAnally: She's one of our listeners.

[32:30] Alan Seales: Hey, Ellen, we have plenty of listeners when I post other musicals with cheese feed.

[32:34] Jess McAnally: Yeah, true.

[32:35] Alan Seales: You mean the cheese wheel feed?

[32:36] Jess McAnally: Yeah, I'm sorry.

[32:38] Alan Seales: Yes.

[32:38] Jess McAnally: Yeah, what podcast?

[32:39] Alan Seales: Well, hi, Liz's sister.

[32:41] Jess McAnally: Big shout out to you.

[32:42] Alan Seales: No, we're not allowed to bring her up.

[32:44] Jess McAnally: Can we not talk about my family on this podcast?

[32:46] Alan Seales: You brought her up!

[32:47] Jess McAnally: I was trying to stop this!

[32:49] Alan Seales: I'm kidding.

[32:50] Jess McAnally: I'm kidding.

[32:51] Alan Seales: Hey, Liz's parents.

[32:55] Jess McAnally: I can't do this.

[32:56] Alan Seales: They don't listen to this shit.

[32:57] Jess McAnally: If I was God right now, I'd sew their mouths shut.

[33:04] Alan Seales: All right, let's take a look at one of the fucking goddamn.

[33:07] Jess McAnally: What are we looking at?

[33:09] Alan Seales: If you were God, both of you, what would you do?

[33:13] Jess McAnally: If you had like the movie's God powers, which is like, you know, voices in your head and the occasional ability to make a woman come in the bathroom.

[33:25] Alan Seales: Maybe a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B.

[33:32] Jess McAnally: Solve some world hunger.

[33:32] Alan Seales: Fix global warming.

[33:37] Jess McAnally: Yeah, but hold on, hold on.

[33:39] Alan Seales: You only control your tri-state area.

[33:40] Jess McAnally: I forgot.

[33:42] Alan Seales: So you are only controlling New York City.

[33:42] Jess McAnally: Each of us are only respectively covering our.

[33:48] Alan Seales: No, that's not true.

[33:50] Jess McAnally: When he moved the moon, it caused a big.

[33:50] Alan Seales: You're right.

[33:51] Jess McAnally: It caused an issue in a different country.

[33:53] Alan Seales: You're right.

[33:54] Jess McAnally: So we're only hearing the prayers of the people in our direct city.

[33:59] Alan Seales: Yes, but we're affecting the whole world.

[34:00] Jess McAnally: Okay, okay.

[34:01] Alan Seales: Well, then I, then I, I redo, I undo congestion pricing in New York City.

[34:08] Jess McAnally: Okay, okay, Liz, how about you?

[34:11] Alan Seales: I would make.

[34:12] Jess McAnally: Would you finally kill Gritty?

[34:13] Alan Seales: No, no, I would, I would make a religion around Gritty.

[34:17] Jess McAnally: And then everyone would join it because we love him.

[34:19] Alan Seales: I would give my powers to Gritty.

[34:22] Jess McAnally: No, I would.

[34:23] Alan Seales: That's the one thing God wouldn't expect.

[34:24] Jess McAnally: God gave away his powers.

[34:26] Alan Seales: I would finish like all the stuff I want to do and then give Gritty my God powers after I was done.

[34:31] Jess McAnally: But I would make Wawa parking lots bigger.

[34:34] Alan Seales: And make people know how to drive in them because they don't.

[34:38] Jess McAnally: I would make all my friends who are concerned about losing their rights not have to worry about that anymore.

[34:45] Alan Seales: I'd get rid of drag bands as a thing.

[34:45] Jess McAnally: Drag bands?

[34:50] Alan Seales: Yeah, there's a lot of like red states that are like banning drag because it's a bad influence on kids.

[34:55] Jess McAnally: Oh, oh, oh, oh, I thought you said B-A-N-D-S.

[34:58] Alan Seales: No, bands, drag bands.

[35:00] Jess McAnally: I was like drag bands sounds awesome.

[35:02] Alan Seales: With slur in your words, Liz.

[35:03] Jess McAnally: Yeah, I can't fucking talk, I'm so sorry.

[35:06] Alan Seales: A ban on drag performers, yes, agree with you 100%.

[35:10] Jess McAnally: Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, fuck that.

[35:11] Alan Seales: Reverse that.

[35:12] Jess McAnally: Drag is, drag is great.

[35:13] Alan Seales: Make, make drag more.

[35:15] Jess McAnally: And, and form bands.

[35:17] Jess McAnally: Drag Queens have formed bands. That's a thing that's happened.

[35:22] Alan Seales: And I would also, I don't know, let women be able to pause their period whenever they feel like it.

[35:29] Jess McAnally: Or people that have uteruses, let's pause their period whenever they feel like it.

[35:36] Alan Seales: No, it'd be a mental thing. They'd be like, I'm good right now. Give me a few days off. Boom.

[35:42] Jess McAnally: Oh, yeah. Okay, I accept.

[35:45] Alan Seales: Yeah, like they're about to go on vacation and they don't want that.

[35:48] Jess McAnally: Like they're about to go to the beach. It's like, yeah, pause that for a minute.

[35:54] Alan Seales: I want to have uninterrupted sex.

[35:56] Jess McAnally: Why are we talking about menses this episode? What's going on?

[35:59] Alan Seales: I don't know.

[36:00] Jess McAnally: I'm on my period, Alan. This is how you find out.

[36:01] Alan Seales: I knew it.

[36:04] Jess McAnally: Anyway, Alan, what would you do in your tri-state area?

[36:07] Alan Seales: I am so serious. I would just make sure all my friends and family are financially stable.

[36:14] Jess McAnally: See if I could maybe help out a few people that I know desperately need it.

[36:19] Alan Seales: A lot of sick friends that I know that are dealing with stuff. Like literally be just like helping out my people financially, medically, and just try to make things just a little better for them. That is a little greedy, but I really don't see much that I would change in my own life.

[36:37] Jess McAnally: Maybe like, oh, I know what I would do. Make remote work the norm across the board for everyone.

[36:46] Alan Seales: You wouldn't make yourself the next Tarantino, the next De Niro?

[36:50] Jess McAnally: No, because I feel like there's like too much blowback. I'm always worried about like genie wish logic, if you know what I mean, where it's like, you're the most famous.

[36:59] Alan Seales: Yeah, like the bedazzled world where it's like, yeah, you're the most famous person in the world, but you're also gay, so you can't be with your girlfriend anymore. Like there's like some little trick to the trade where I'm like, you know what? I don't want to do that. I don't want, I have faith in my own abilities that I don't need God powers to make myself better.

[37:23] Alan Seales: That's very God complex of you.

[37:27] Jess McAnally: Is it?

[37:28] Alan Seales: It's not.

[37:28] Jess McAnally: I think so.

[37:30] Alan Seales: Yeah, at least he's not shooting bees out of his mouth and killing random gang members.

[37:35] Jess McAnally: Are you saying that I've got a big dick syndrome where I'm like, you know what? I don't need God's help.

[37:42] Alan Seales: I don't know what I'm saying, but it wasn't about your dick.

[37:47] Jess McAnally: Okay. Liz, are you feeling the big dick energy issue coming out there?

[37:52] Liz Esten: No, I don't know what's going on.

[37:56] Jess McAnally: Menzies and dick and Bruce Almighty.

[38:00] Alan Seales: God, just because I wasn't going to be greedy with my God powers.

[38:03] Jess McAnally: Yeah, he's trying to be nice.

[38:07] Alan Seales: But also I'm very scared of any kind of power I use corrupting me.

[38:13] Jess McAnally: I mean, the first thing is not the first thing you would do with actual God powers just to be like, I'm taking a nap. I'm napping for like two full days and no one's going to bother.

[38:24] Alan Seales: You know what? The idea that I could freeze time, that would be great.

[38:28] Jess McAnally: Yeah.

[38:28] Alan Seales: Just pause and just be in that alone.

[38:32] Jess McAnally: Like, I remember there was an episode of The Simpsons where they had a stopwatch. I could freeze time.

[38:36] Alan Seales: And that was like my deepest wish to just kind of stop it.

[38:40] Jess McAnally: And you two babies are too young for Saved by the Bell.

[38:43] Alan Seales: But when Zack Morris got through the timeout.

[38:45] Jess McAnally: Yes, we've seen Saved by the Bell.

[38:48] Alan Seales: But not the original TV.

[38:53] Jess McAnally: But when he would do timeout and everyone would pretend you could see him shaking a little bit because they weren't really frozen.

[38:58] Alan Seales: Yeah, I watched a Lifetime movie about the Saved by the Bell cast. I know.

[39:02] Jess McAnally: Yeah, that's what that's the power I always wish I had. I just wanted to be like, I just want to take a timeout and like, just go out. Go outside, grab a drink or something.

[39:10] Alan Seales: You know, finish up like some photo editing, take a nap.

[39:14] Jess McAnally: Yeah.

[39:14] Alan Seales: Right? Like you meet all your deadlines that way if you have that power.

[39:18] Jess McAnally: I'd still procrastinate.

[39:19] Alan Seales: I would procrastinate even if I froze time. Yeah, same.

[39:23] Jess McAnally: Like I know myself. I know my faults.

[39:28] Alan Seales: If I don't have the social pressures of something, I'm not doing that shit.

[39:32] Jess McAnally: Speaking of social pressures, Alan's got to go and meet Darren Criss, and his new best friend Darren Criss.

[39:37] Alan Seales: So what is our overall thoughts on Bruce Almighty? And is it an all righty then or a no spank you? Alan, why don't you start?

[39:48] Alan Seales: I think this is strongly in the all righty then camp. I enjoyed it. I... nothing I have watched throughout the course of this podcast has made me LOL actually out loud. But inside, I was like, oh, that's funny. And it didn't... he came back in the way, like we were talking about the very beginning, it wasn't Ace Ventura extreme. It wasn't cable guy annoyance. It wasn't dumb and dumber complete annoyance. It was tolerable. And I enjoyed it. And I like the supporting characters. Definitely all righty then.

[40:28] Jess McAnally: All right. All right, Liz, how about you?

[40:31] Liz Esten: I like this movie. It was a perfectly fine rom-com, I guess. I've seen better. I've seen better mid-2000s rom-coms that I enjoy more, but I didn't hate it. It's pretty good. It's not my favorite, but it's a very strong all righty then because it was pleasant to watch. So, you know, that's it. It was pleasant.

[40:57] Alan Seales: Yeah, it was pleasant.

[40:57] Liz Esten: That's for sure.

[40:58] Alan Seales: Yeah, it went in one ear and out the other. And I kind of forgot all that everything that happened about an hour after. But, you know, it was fine.

[41:06] Jess McAnally: Don't all rom-coms do that? Or do rom-coms change your life?

[41:10] Liz Esten: I watched Never Been Kissed last night. And my god, that movie's gonna stick with me forever because what the fuck?

[41:15] Alan Seales: Yeah, it's really fucked up.

[41:18] Jess McAnally: That movie is real fucked up.

[41:19] Liz Esten: There's just some really good rom-coms out there. Plus One with Jack Quaid and Maya Erskine is really good.

[41:26] Alan Seales: What's Your Number? That's my guilty pleasure rom-com because it's so bad.

[41:30] Liz Esten: It's trash. I loved it. It's complete trash and I love everything about it.

[41:35] Alan Seales: Yeah, this is not.

[41:36] Liz Esten: 51st Gods or 10 Gods I Hate About You. She's All God.

[41:43] Alan Seales: All-Starring Morgan Freeman.

[41:45] Liz Esten: Morgan Freeman is the female lead.

[41:47] Alan Seales: The runaway god.

[41:51] Liz Esten: The godding singer.

[41:52] Alan Seales: Yeah, so many things.

[41:55] Jess McAnally: All right, Jessi, what about you? Yeah, let us know your thoughts.

[41:58] Jess McAnally: Yo, guys, I hate to be the contrarian here.

[42:03] Alan Seales: You!

[42:03] Liz Esten: You!

[42:05] Jess McAnally: Only because. Out of all the Tom Shadiac, Jim Carrey collaborations, I think this is probably the least funny of the three. I think it has the most high concept and, like, interesting. But this is really the most boilerplate of... Between, I'm sorry, Ace Ventura, Liar Liar, and this, I think this is the worst one. As far as conceptually and doing new things, this is like the most boilerplate kind of comedy movie for crowd pleasing. And it just feels toothless. And it's not particularly funny. And the characters aren't engaging. There's not even a core romance. Like, there's not a core emotional thing that I truly feel empathetic for. Like, Liar Liar, that relationship between Jim Carrey and his son is so effective and so good and so true.

And the humor in Ace Ventura, though not all of it has aged perfectly, really does kind of get you through to the end. And it at least has an interesting plot at its core. This is kind of just nothing on both sides. And it's fine enough. But it's just not for me. And I don't find it impressive. And I think you guys are now discovering, if someone's willing to take big swings, I'm more willing to be reasonable and kind of, like, impressed and, like, really engaged with it. This felt like it was taking the easy answer every single time. And I really just... It washes over me because of that. Even The Majestic kind of impressed me a little more than this. This felt very much like going back to the easy teat for Jim Carrey. And you know what? Maybe, yes, man, rewatching that will also feel that way.

[43:50] Alan Seales: Well, Jim Carrey is laughing at your comment all the way to the bank.

[43:54] Jess McAnally: Yeah.

[43:56] Alan Seales: Too bad he won't get vaccinated.

[44:00] Jess McAnally: They won't let him endure because he's unvaccinated. But, you know.

[44:04] Alan Seales: So I am, for those reasons, I hope I explained them well. And I'm not just sounding like a contrarian. I'm going to give this a very light spank you.

[44:12] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[44:12] Liz Esten: At least it's light.

[44:13] Jess McAnally: I get it.

[44:14] Alan Seales: I'll take it.

[44:15] Liz Esten: Yeah, you're like a filmmaker with actual standards.

[44:19] Jess McAnally: I also haven't seen Liar Liar or Yes Man.

[44:23] Alan Seales: What?

[44:24] Liz Esten: As far as the timeline goes, we've already covered Liar Liar.

[44:28] Alan Seales: That's true. Ignore me.

[44:30] Jess McAnally: You've already seen it, Liz!

[44:32] Liz Esten: I do love Liar Liar, I guess.

[44:35] Alan Seales: Liar Liar is the best.

[44:37] Liz Esten: Totally.

[44:38] Alan Seales: Liar Liar has basically the same structure as this movie, but it works a thousand percent better. It also has this mystical conceit at its core, but every bit of it works better. It's like Bruce Almighty but good is Liar Liar.

[44:54] Jess McAnally: Yeah, which we've already talked about in the timeline.

[44:57] Alan Seales: Yes, I will have gone on a rant about it. And also, that was my first Jim Carrey movie I ever saw, so I kind of have a soft spot.

[45:04] Jess McAnally: Yeah, mine was the number 23.

[45:08] Alan Seales: Yeah, that's him at his most hilarious.

[45:10] Jess McAnally: He plays the saxophone shirtless.

[45:11] Alan Seales: I know, it's really funny.

[45:13] Jess McAnally: I cannot remember my first Jim Carrey movie. I want to say it was The Mask.

[45:17] Alan Seales: That sounds about right.

[45:18] Jess McAnally: That sounds correct.

[45:19] Alan Seales: Yeah, yeah, I'll go with that, Shane.

[45:23] Jess McAnally: And The Mask is probably his most aged well film.

[45:26] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[45:27] Jess McAnally: I know I watched Earthgirls Are Easy, but I don't think I realized it was him.

[45:32] Alan Seales: He's not a big memorable part of that.

[45:34] Jess McAnally: He's not a big cast member in that. You have to pay attention to find him.

[45:38] Alan Seales: Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I'm looking back at our timeline here. I'm pretty sure my very first exposure to him was The Mask.

[45:46] Jess McAnally: Okay.

[45:48] Alan Seales: And then Dumb and Dumber, because that's where I had my first kiss.

[45:50] Jess McAnally: We'll get to that.

[45:50] Alan Seales: I mean, we've already talked about it.

[45:51] Jess McAnally: We've already talked about your first kiss, Alan.

[45:53] Alan Seales: In our favorite episode, Dumb and Dumber.

[45:55] Jess McAnally: Yes.

[45:57] Alan Seales: Who much may or may not have a guess.

[46:00] Jess McAnally: We don't know.

[46:01] Alan Seales: Alan's a little bit.

[46:01] Jess McAnally: Alan's got to go. So we should wrap this up.

[46:04] Alan Seales: All right. Alan's got to go give Darren Criss a kiss.

[46:08] Jess McAnally: And we're going to go see you next time. Please follow us on all the social media platforms. On Twitter, Call of Duty was created by Grace Aki. Follow them on Instagram at itsgraceaki. This show is produced and edited by Liz Esten. And they are doing an amazing job. Our theme song is I Choose You by the band Thanks. Thank you to the Broadway Podcast Network for having us on the platform. And not for kicking us off for all the menstrual fluid talk.

[46:32] Alan Seales: Parting of the red.

[46:32] Jess McAnally: Parting of the red soup.

[46:34] Alan Seales: They don't call it the Red Sea for nothing.

[46:39] Jess McAnally: All right. We will see you next time on Carrey'd Away.

[46:43] Alan Seales: Bye.

[46:43] Jess McAnally: Bye.

[46:54] Alan Seales: Bye.