This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:15] Jesse McAnally: Hello, I'm Jesse McAnally.

[0:17] Alan Seales: And I'm Harumph out of that guy, Alan Seales.

[0:20] Unknown speaker: And I'm Liz Eston.

[0:22] Jesse McAnally: And welcome to Horumph Carried Harumph Away, a podcast where we explore Herumpha films and television shows starring the one and only James Eugene Carrey Harumph.

[0:31] Alan Seales: I didn't get a harump out of that gal, Liz.

[0:33] Unknown speaker: Harumph?

[0:34] Jesse McAnally: Yay!

[0:35] Unknown speaker: Yay!

[0:36] Alan Seales: Now play Cool and the Gang celebration.

[0:41] Jesse McAnally: I'm not going to just despite you.

[0:44] Alan Seales: Play it backwards and at like 500 decibels.

[0:47] Jesse McAnally: No, I'm just gonna play the Columbo theme song, because this is just Columbo.

[0:50] Alan Seales: No, this is Columbo if he 100% voted for Trump.

[0:54] Jesse McAnally: That is what I would describe Mike Hammer as.

[0:56] Alan Seales: Mike Hammer, is this pre-naked gun?

[0:59] Jesse McAnally: I think it's post.

[1:00] Alan Seales: Is it just barely?

[1:01] Unknown speaker: Is it?

[1:05] Jesse McAnally: Are we talking the TV show or the movie?

[1:07] Alan Seales: Oh, good point.

[1:08] Jesse McAnally: It's definitely post um Get Smart.

[1:10] Alan Seales: Um, this is one year post the first Naked Gun.

[1:13] Jesse McAnally: Oh, it's yeah, Naked Gun was 1988.

[1:15] Alan Seales: I was gonna say that, oh, this setup, you know, what Naked Gun did well, but no, this tried to rip off what Naked Gun did well.

[1:22] Jesse McAnally: Well, that's gonna be the case.

[1:24] Alan Seales: So Mike Hammer.

[1:25] Jesse McAnally: Um, I I I think Liz, you'll have played the trailer by now.

[1:28] Unknown speaker: I have no idea.

[1:29] Jesse McAnally: I don't know. Maybe just queue it.

[1:31] Alan Seales: So I could um this week, in case you haven't picked up worth throwing down, because uh obscure like mid-20th century topics are most of what we're doing right now.

[1:40] Jesse McAnally: This week we are talking about Mike Hammer, Murder Takes All.

[1:48] Unknown speaker: Taking on the hard Jason.

[1:50] Jesse McAnally: Who's pulling your strings?

[1:52] Unknown speaker: Dangerous women.

[1:53] Jesse McAnally: And now, set up to take the pall for a triple murder.

[1:58] Unknown speaker: He's no angel, but being half right.

[2:01] Jesse McAnally: We sleep in my cabin tonight.

[2:03] Unknown speaker: Is better than dead wrong.

[2:05] Jesse McAnally: Linda Carter, Michelle Phillips, and Stacy Keach star in Mike Hammer, Murder Takes All.

[2:10] Alan Seales: Next.

[2:11] Jesse McAnally: So Mike Hammer, Murder Takes All was on CBS on May 21st, 1989, directed by John Nikella, written by Mike Spilani, Rudy Day, Mark Edward Eatons, based on Mickey Spillane's book character of Mike Hammer, starring Stacy Keach, Linda Carter, Lyle Alzado, Michelle Phillips, and of course Jim Carrey.

[2:34] Alan Seales: The plot of which is Mike Hammer is kidnapped and led to believe it is the work of a Las Vegas uh entertainer, but soon realizes somebody else is involved.

[2:43] Jesse McAnally: Alright, so Mike Hammer was kind of a very popular-ish character, starting all the way with a TV show in the 1950s, almost 30 years before this, where he was not played by Stacy Keach, but he was played by Darren McGavin, who you may remember as the dad from A Christmas Story.

[3:00] Unknown speaker: Hello, my name's Darren McGavin.

[3:02] Jesse McAnally: I play the title role in Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer every week on the same station.

[3:06] Unknown speaker: Check your newspaper for time and day.

[3:08] Jesse McAnally: Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer every week on the same channel.

[3:11] Unknown speaker: See ya then.

[3:11] Alan Seales: Kind of once again that boomer like ideal of everything.

[3:15] Jesse McAnally: Then came the a revamped of the time trap or the crime drama, which, you know, we've got a lot of those nowadays.

[3:24] Alan Seales: It's nothing new.

[3:25] Jesse McAnally: It started with TV movies very similar to Columbo, and then became a three season running series.

[3:31] Alan Seales: Then Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer.

[3:33] Jesse McAnally: It was the second time in a week I had the red strobing of an ambulance flight dancing across my island.

[3:38] Alan Seales: The serial numbers on that gun show it to be government issued.

[3:41] Jesse McAnally: Things are getting out of hand fast.

[3:43] Alan Seales: As well as another recurring series, and the main focus of that was Stacy Keach.

[3:49] Jesse McAnally: This fall, he's back with a new style and a new angle that'll grab you.

[3:54] Alan Seales: The season premiere of a new Mike Hammer.

[3:56] Jesse McAnally: Saturday, September 27 on CBS.

[3:59] Alan Seales: I don't know, do any of you know anything about Stacy Keach as an actor?

[4:03] Jesse McAnally: Um, I know him from other things, but not like I'm not familiar with him personally.

[4:10] Alan Seales: He is a professionally trained actor.

[4:13] Jesse McAnally: He got a lot of work in the theater world at the beginning.

[4:15] Alan Seales: A lot of things that probably would not be able to be performed today.

[4:20] Jesse McAnally: Like some some of the plays he was in, I cannot even read the names of the found it while scrolling his Wikipedia, and it is a lot.

[4:29] Alan Seales: Yeah, it is definitely the word not any three of us can say, lovers, written by George Tabori with Morgan Freeman.

[4:37] Jesse McAnally: And he also would go on to play The King of Siam in the touring production of The King and I.

[4:43] Alan Seales: And I'm sure that was done with taste.

[4:45] Jesse McAnally: What?

[4:46] Alan Seales: He's a white guy.

[4:57] Jesse McAnally: So sure, I'm with you.

[4:58] Alan Seales: Yes, I didn't cut that.

[5:00] Jesse McAnally: Damn.

[5:01] Alan Seales: Um, but he would literally, this is kind of his main thing.

[5:05] Jesse McAnally: This was what he was known for.

[5:07] Alan Seales: Like after a long career, he would go on to play Mike Hammer for many years, um, returning to the role several times, just whenever he kind of needed a paycheck, wanted those syndication numbers to go up.

[5:18] Jesse McAnally: He is a good actor, but however, this version of Mike Hammer is right after some pretty rough legal issues Keach had.

[5:27] Alan Seales: Let me talk about this.

[5:28] Jesse McAnally: So he was arrested.

[5:31] Alan Seales: I just want to interrupt for a second because I'm like, oh, we're talking about James Eugene Carrey and we're talking about the movie. And then you're like, I'm gonna go into legal troubles behind the main character of this movie.

[5:41] Jesse McAnally: I do, because I find Stacy Keach a compelling actor and interesting to talk about.

[5:45] Alan Seales: I'm looking at this dude's IMDB, by the way.

[5:48] Jesse McAnally: IMDB goes forever.

[5:50] Alan Seales: Anyway, go ahead, I interrupted.

[5:51] Jesse McAnally: He's been working for longer than most of us have been alive.

[5:55] Alan Seales: He is somehow still alive.

[5:56] Jesse McAnally: So he was arrested in 1984 for the importation of cocaine at Heathrow Airport.

[6:02] Alan Seales: He pleaded guilty, served six months in Reading prison, and in his time in prison, he described as the lowest point in his life, and he formed a lot of friendships with the priest.

[6:12] Jesse McAnally: He would go on to meet Pope John Paul II, and this was kind of his return to the limelight.

[6:17] Alan Seales: This is his return to things, trying to get, you know, pay those legal fees, get a little bit of a career comeback after a very public and embarrassing like drug issue.

[6:28] Jesse McAnally: Keach hit rock bottom in 1984 when his arrest and conviction on cocaine smuggling charges was played out in the headlines and landed him in a British jail cell.

[6:38] Alan Seales: It was a traumatic humiliating experience.

[6:42] Jesse McAnally: I had an awakening. I said to myself, here I am, I'm in jail, and I'm freer than I would be on the outside, being dependent on a drug.

[6:52] Alan Seales: And when I when that light went on, I realized that that's true freedom.

[6:58] Jesse McAnally: That's really what it's all about.

[6:59] Alan Seales: That being said, I know him mostly from the TV show Titus, which was comedian Christopher Titus's big sitcom where he played the Patriarch Father, Boomer Patriarch Father, and he was really good, really funny.

[7:13] Jesse McAnally: He's a very engaging actor.

[7:15] Alan Seales: He has in 54 episodes of that.

[7:16] Jesse McAnally: Have you ever seen any episodes of it?

[7:18] Alan Seales: A few.

[7:19] Jesse McAnally: Your little boy is cute.

[7:22] Alan Seales: You wanna go make one just like him?

[7:29] Jesse McAnally: You're not totally useless.

[7:34] Alan Seales: While I'm gone, work the waitress.

[7:36] Jesse McAnally: I didn't the first thing I the first credit of his I recognize is Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke.

[7:41] Alan Seales: I mean, fair enough.

[7:42] Jesse McAnally: But this is not a Stacy Keach podcast as much as I am pretending it is for a brief moment.

[7:47] Alan Seales: He I will say, we will see Stacy Keach again in on this podcast because he's in one episode of the 2020 series Kidding.

[7:55] Jesse McAnally: So and he's very good in Kidding.

[7:58] Alan Seales: But he it's not like he just disappeared.

[8:00] Jesse McAnally: He's still working.

[8:01] Alan Seales: He's still on Blue Bloods as a recurring character.

[8:05] Jesse McAnally: He was in Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

[8:06] Alan Seales: He was in Prison Break.

[8:09] Jesse McAnally: 23 episodes of Prison Break.

[8:11] Alan Seales: That's how I love this guy.

[8:13] Jesse McAnally: There's nothing I can do except to ask you nicely, as a fan of you, your work, and the guys you wrote about.

[8:19] Alan Seales: Please don't print the quotes.

[8:21] Jesse McAnally: She's realize you were gonna get your panties all at a pretzel.

[8:24] Alan Seales: That's actually not technically possible.

[8:25] Jesse McAnally: I'm not wearing underwear.

[8:41] Alan Seales: No one looking like Stacy Keach with a cleft palate that you hide with a mustache can really go on and exist today.

[8:48] Jesse McAnally: Nope.

[8:48] Alan Seales: Not anymore.

[8:49] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, no one really liked Robert Zadar and his massive chin back in the 80s.

[8:53] Alan Seales: So um, I guess if you like ironic appreciation of someone like Neil Breen.

[9:00] Jesse McAnally: My name is Cade.

[9:02] Alan Seales: I have an identical twin brother, Kill.

[9:05] Jesse McAnally: Then one day it all changed.

[9:08] Alan Seales: I would call him an actor, more a personality that pretends to act.

[9:12] Jesse McAnally: But Jim Carrey is in this movie technically as an accountant named Brad.

[9:21] Alan Seales: Which I feel like was shoehorned in at the last minute as a plot point because they had Jim Carrey.

[9:26] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, yeah.

[9:27] Alan Seales: This is another one of those, like, you uh you blink and you miss him.

[9:31] Jesse McAnally: But uh well, his character's not that memorable.

[9:36] Alan Seales: You know he's there, but if you didn't know Jim was Jim, you'd be like, ah, there's another actor.

[9:41] Jesse McAnally: Doesn't anybody not anymore?

[9:44] Alan Seales: What are you doing here?

[9:46] Jesse McAnally: Brad, call the police.

[9:47] Alan Seales: Hey, wait, wait, wait, relax.

[9:49] Jesse McAnally: I'm here to find out who killed Johnny Roman.

[9:52] Alan Seales: You killed Johnny Roman.

[9:54] Jesse McAnally: And for all we know, you killed Barbara too.

[9:56] Alan Seales: I haven't killed anybody, sweetheart.

[9:57] Jesse McAnally: My name is Mike Hammer.

[10:00] Alan Seales: I'm a private investigator from New York.

[10:00] Jesse McAnally: Johnny Roman sent me out here to work on a palimony case.

[10:03] Alan Seales: Look, you don't believe me? You pick up the phone, you call New York Police Department, ask for Captain Pat Chambers.

[10:08] Jesse McAnally: He said on TV you're some kind of hitman from New York.

[10:13] Alan Seales: Your shoulder pad's crooked.

[10:13] Jesse McAnally: Okay, let me say, it is a character made memorable because it's Jim Carrey.

[10:17] Alan Seales: Right.

[10:18] Jesse McAnally: Yes.

[10:18] Alan Seales: No one else would have performed it in this way.

[10:20] Jesse McAnally: And he's still doing his Aw shucks, come on, performance he did in The Duck Factory and everything else.

[10:26] Alan Seales: However, he's playing it to like a sinister end, so it's kind of neat.

[10:30] Jesse McAnally: It's kind of like using his Oshuk's persona against you.

[10:34] Alan Seales: He also removes his tooth cap to reveal the chip in his uh front left tooth, which is neat, and we'll see that again in both Dumb and Dumber films.

[10:45] Jesse McAnally: I don't know what the choice was here to have it for Brad the accountant.

[10:50] Alan Seales: Maybe it's just uh give him a little memorable piece on screen.

[10:55] Jesse McAnally: I look I got jump my tooth.

[10:57] Alan Seales: Uh you know, I I don't believe he's trying to play a tough guy.

[10:57] Jesse McAnally: He's trying to play a lame accountant, so yeah.

[11:04] Alan Seales: Uh I mean if I if I were gonna uh you know be in a film and this is just hypothetical, I just wouldn't shave or cut my hair for a very long time.

[11:12] Jesse McAnally: Totally just putting that out there for anybody who may also be a co-host on this podcast who directed me in a film.

[11:19] Alan Seales: That's all I'm saying.

[11:19] Jesse McAnally: Residuals will be coming never.

[11:21] Alan Seales: Um but he also has his long I think this is the first appearance of long-haired Jim Carrey.

[11:28] Jesse McAnally: Oh yeah.

[11:29] Alan Seales: Yeah, yeah, you're right.

[11:30] Jesse McAnally: He's usually like clean cut.

[11:31] Alan Seales: Here he's got like the beaten look.

[11:34] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, this is like I think they were trying to get into the filthiness of Vegas, you know.

[11:39] Alan Seales: Like Vegas is just dirty.

[11:42] Jesse McAnally: I give it a C minus because all in good taste did that so much more.

[11:45] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[11:45] Jesse McAnally: True.

[11:46] Alan Seales: Well, it's because it was actual footage of real Vegas and not fake Vegas.

[11:50] Jesse McAnally: So what are you talking about?

[11:51] Alan Seales: Every day people jump out jump out of an airplane in a parachute and land in the middle of the strip of Vegas.

[11:58] Jesse McAnally: That's the moment I looked down for like 10 seconds and all of a sudden he's in a goddamn airplane jumping out of it.

[12:03] Alan Seales: I'm like, what did I miss?

[12:05] Jesse McAnally: And would you believe a hundred percent Stacy Keach did that stunt?

[12:09] Alan Seales: No, don't even try to look closely to see a man in a very clear wig and mustache.

[12:13] Jesse McAnally: No, no, that's a hundred percent that 50-year-old man doing that stunt.

[12:18] Alan Seales: What a way to hit town.

[12:22] Jesse McAnally: It all started coming back.

[12:25] Alan Seales: Ton of bricks that fell on my head.

[12:28] Jesse McAnally: The all-night plane ride.

[12:37] Alan Seales: I just dropped in for coffee.

[12:40] Jesse McAnally: I felt like I'd been snatched out of the real world and dropped onto another planet.

[12:45] Alan Seales: So this film, because this is kind of the series finale for Mike Hammer, for the moment, he will reoccur in Stacy Keach's career, but this was the ending film to his original run.

[12:55] Jesse McAnally: We start with.

[12:56] Alan Seales: I thought this was gonna pop back up, but we start with this kid dis trying to set up the internet to make secretaries obsolete, and he's got a lisp.

[13:06] Jesse McAnally: Yeah.

[13:07] Alan Seales: And I thought he'd be like a recurring theme, like somehow we'd come back to him, and he'd be like the one that saves the day at the end, or helps like solve something.

[13:16] Jesse McAnally: No, just never shows up again.

[13:18] Alan Seales: Would you mind staying off the line?

[13:20] Jesse McAnally: I'm interface.

[13:22] Alan Seales: Who are you?

[13:24] Jesse McAnally: This is Michael. You remember my nephew. He's helping us set up our new computer. He's very smart.

[13:32] Alan Seales: A computer can do everything a secretary can do.

[13:35] Jesse McAnally: Everything?

[13:36] Alan Seales: Mike, he's only twelve.

[13:39] Jesse McAnally: Women won't have to be secretaries anymore. They can go into electronics.

[13:44] Alan Seales: It's all about Linda Carter's weird family relationships.

[13:47] Jesse McAnally: Yeah.

[13:48] Alan Seales: Um, which, you know, by the way, I was happy to see Linda Carter in this.

[13:51] Jesse McAnally: I feel like she was she was the one that was probably like during casting. Like, oh, we got Linda Carter. Now we can get anybody else we want.

[13:58] Alan Seales: Right? Like, you gotta you gotta attach the main star, and then the rest of the cast falls in.

[14:02] Jesse McAnally: What you're saying, Stacy Keach, fresh out of a cocaine bus wasn't the big star here.

[14:08] Alan Seales: That's exactly what I'm saying. Linda Carter's great in this, like, truly next level good in this.

[14:13] Jesse McAnally: Um, it makes you feel bad that she's doing so well in what is basically garbage.

[14:18] Alan Seales: Well, they're all fairly.

[14:19] Jesse McAnally: I'm Helen Durant.

[14:22] Alan Seales: Durant waiting.

[14:24] Jesse McAnally: Any connection to the Durant Foundation?

[14:26] Alan Seales: My husband is Dr. Carl Durant. He doesn't know anything about this.

[14:32] Jesse McAnally: About what?

[14:33] Alan Seales: It's fine. Let me just make a note of it. Do you have any friends?

[14:37] Jesse McAnally: I want the book. I'm willing to pay for it.

[14:41] Alan Seales: What book?

[14:42] Jesse McAnally: The book you killed Johnny Roman for.

[14:44] Alan Seales: I didn't kill Johnny Roman.

[14:46] Jesse McAnally: Somebody wanted to make it look that way.

[14:48] Alan Seales: If you didn't kill him, who did?

[14:50] Jesse McAnally: Good question.

[14:52] Alan Seales: She she was actually like giving a real performance, you know?

[14:55] Jesse McAnally: And this was way post Wonder Woman, right?

[14:58] Alan Seales: Wonder Woman was was a couple years earlier.

[15:01] Jesse McAnally: Yeah. I I don't bel I think she hasn't aged a day since then.

[15:06] Alan Seales: Truly, she looks incredible to this day. Very good performer, great actor, charisma out of the wild.

[15:12] Jesse McAnally: This is a decade after Wonder Woman ended.

[15:14] Alan Seales: Yeah, my wife.

[15:15] Jesse McAnally: So it ended in 1979, her version.

[15:17] Alan Seales: Yes, yes. The problem is, were we eng like from moment one I knew what she was.

[15:22] Jesse McAnally: I knew she was behind it all.

[15:23] Alan Seales: Everyone did.

[15:24] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, I mean, casting-wise, uh, she didn't fit in with the rest of the cast, which was kind of like nobody's.

[15:34] Alan Seales: No, that's what I mean. Like, you don't put somebody like that in there and don't give her like the the twist.

[15:39] Jesse McAnally: So, of course, like knowing who she was, I was like, oh, she's gonna be the bad guy.

[15:43] Alan Seales: You were the one who set up the phony drop at the damn, so Durant could buy an account book that I didn't have.

[15:48] Jesse McAnally: And I went there looking for a diary that he didn't have.

[15:51] Alan Seales: Barbara LaGuire thought it existed, right? That's what got her killed, trying to blackmail Johnny Roman for a book that never was.

[15:58] Jesse McAnally: Those two bastards deserve to die.

[16:01] Alan Seales: Yes, and she plays that role. And she's obviously playing against type. People are used to seeing her as the hero. She's trying to stretch her legs, but she obviously thinks she's in a Columbo episode when she is decidedly not.

[16:14] Jesse McAnally: She is in a Mike Hammer episode for whatever that's worth. And despite this being a quote unquote movie, it feels like it has the stakes of a TV episode and not much more.

[16:26] Alan Seales: As well as the budget.

[16:28] Jesse McAnally: What budget? Do you think they were really in a plane?

[16:31] Alan Seales: No, they they were really on a boat, and they did blow up a boat, which I was slightly impressed by.

[16:38] Jesse McAnally: Was it a model or a real boat?

[16:40] Alan Seales: I can't tell, but they blew something up, which is more than we do nowadays.

[16:43] Jesse McAnally: That's true. That's true. It'd be also a lot of things.

[16:47] Alan Seales: Oppenheimer.

[16:48] Jesse McAnally: I haven't seen it.

[16:49] Alan Seales: I haven't seen it.

[16:50] Jesse McAnally: What's that about?

[16:50] Alan Seales: Is Oppenheimer does Oppenheimer have any explosions?

[16:53] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, yeah, it does.

[16:54] Alan Seales: Yeah. You know what? Let's talk about all the shirtless scenes of Stacy Keach.

[16:58] Jesse McAnally: Never again.

[16:59] Alan Seales: He is s he he thinks he has a body of Ryan Gosling and Barbie.

[17:04] Jesse McAnally: Yeah.

[17:04] Alan Seales: But he has the body of Stacy Keach.

[17:06] Jesse McAnally: In Mike Hammer murder takes off.

[17:08] Alan Seales: Yes.

[17:09] Jesse McAnally: Which is not that. Liz, is he attractive in any way?

[17:12] Alan Seales: Maybe I hate to I hate to sum this up into like visual politics, but like they frame him like maybe it's just like, but there's somebody who loves cocaine who finds him attractive.

[17:24] Jesse McAnally: You know, it I will say it vaguely reminded me of there's this one scene in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Where's the weird framework? Just let me go with it.

[17:33] Alan Seales: I'm following.

[17:34] Jesse McAnally: The scene in the opening. So we need to present that Adam Sandler, who is not attractive, is a hot, attractive man who's very heterosexual. So this movie is funnier somehow. So at the beginning, there's two twins fighting over him because they're like, You're so hot, Adam Sand.

[17:49] Alan Seales: I don't remember this fucker's name.

[17:50] Jesse McAnally: Adam Sandler, like blah blah blah. It reminded me of that throughout the whole thing. It's like we need all these women to want to date Mike Hammer. So the audience is like, oh, I guess he's hot.

[18:03] Alan Seales: Just I need to talk to you.

[18:05] Jesse McAnally: Hey, Darla, what's the matter with you?

[18:08] Alan Seales: You sound so upset.

[18:09] Jesse McAnally: You slept with my twin sister on Saturday. That's why I'm so upset.

[18:12] Alan Seales: How do you know for sure it wasn't you?

[18:14] Jesse McAnally: Because I wasn't there.

[18:15] Alan Seales: It sure looked like you would ate him.

[18:17] Jesse McAnally: Oh, he's dead. Come on, let's figure this out together. This is a tricky situation. Do me a favor. Say, oh Chuck, keep buttering my biscuit.

[18:24] Alan Seales: But like, no, he's not. He's a weird creepy man, and I don't want anything near me.

[18:29] Jesse McAnally: I mean, there's something to be said about confidence, right? In the opening number and at the very closing scene, right?

[18:30] Alan Seales: The opening number.

[18:36] Jesse McAnally: We are at the Broadway podcast network.

[18:40] Alan Seales: I will say there is a song from Damn Yankees in this movie.

[18:44] Jesse McAnally: Yes!

[18:45] Alan Seales: That gave me P we just covered Damn Yankees.

[18:47] Jesse McAnally: We literally just covered Damn Yankees.

[18:49] Alan Seales: It literally made me so happy to hear that song again.

[18:53] Jesse McAnally: What's this?

[18:54] Alan Seales: And your luck is back in zero.

[19:01] Jesse McAnally: Mr. You can be a good one.

[19:11] Alan Seales: That song's great. Made me happy.

[19:13] Jesse McAnally: So anyway, to your point, Liz, yes, they they do set him up like, hey, I'm gonna go do a cheesy pickup line, and then like he's taking it. It's basically how most Adam Saylor movies work.

[19:21] Alan Seales: Um yeah, and then he's taking the girl home, and then he wakes up jumping out of a plane in Vegas.

[19:26] Jesse McAnally: I will say the funniest part of that scene is like I don't really like women that much. I don't believe in love. I'm gonna approach this woman next scene. I love this woman so much. I'm gonna marry her. I'm gonna have a honeymoon in Hawaii. I love her, and then he gets kidnapped.

[19:38] Alan Seales: Right.

[19:38] Jesse McAnally: I just love all the moments where they're like, and why am I still talking to myself?

[19:47] Alan Seales: Okay, the movie had one really funny intentional joke that got uh a warm chuckle out of me, sensible chuckle.

[19:54] Jesse McAnally: Sensible chuckles sensible.

[19:57] Alan Seales: They have noir narration where he's like, I'm gonna go do this. And then at one point he's like trying to make calls, and he's like, I should probably call the laundromat. And then live action Stacey Keats reacts to the narrative, hey, that's a good idea. I was like, Alright, you got one, you got one good chuckle out of me.

[20:16] Jesse McAnally: That's all this movie gas.

[20:20] Alan Seales: Yeah, my turn doesn't work. I got a flood in room sixteen thirty-nine. Could you bring me a plunger as soon as possible? Sixteen thirty-nine. Thanks.

[20:30] Jesse McAnally: Operator.

[20:34] Alan Seales: Yeah, this is uh room sixteen thirty-nine. Could you bring me some extra towels?

[20:38] Jesse McAnally: Right away, sir.

[20:39] Alan Seales: Thank you. Oh, and another pillow.

[20:41] Jesse McAnally: Yes, sir.

[20:44] Alan Seales: What about room service?

[20:46] Jesse McAnally: Good idea.

[20:48] Alan Seales: I mean, I don't think they're really aiming for jokes, despite Jim Carrey calling me to be a comedian, but i i it was cheesy. It was it worked for me. If they had more stuff like that, I think would have enjoyed this more.

[21:00] Jesse McAnally: But that does feel a lot more like uh police squad or a naked gun kind of joke.

[21:04] Alan Seales: Oh, totally.

[21:05] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, yeah.

[21:06] Alan Seales: Yeah, naked gun. That's why I felt like it was very similar, because it was breaking the fourth wall every now and then with those sort of lines.

[21:12] Jesse McAnally: And and it it worked it worked for me. I enjoyed it.

[21:15] Alan Seales: So you legitimately enjoyed this little movie, Alex.

[21:18] Jesse McAnally: I would not rush to go see it again, but I didn't hate it.

[21:23] Alan Seales: I mean, there's four seasons of Mike Hammer available to you. Are you gonna go check out all of them?

[21:27] Jesse McAnally: I need to go watch Barbieheimer first.

[21:29] Alan Seales: You should you know what? Here's an actual double feature for you.

[21:32] Jesse McAnally: Tar and my stripes.

[21:33] Alan Seales: Yes, that isn't gonna be a little bit follow it up with Tar.

[21:35] Jesse McAnally: Tar okay. Because they are almost sequels to each other.

[21:38] Alan Seales: How about we compare our opinions to those of the real critics over on letterbox.com. It's time for our critical quarter where we can play the one star five star game.

[21:48] Liz, what do we have over there on letterbox.com.

[21:52] Jesse McAnally: Well, I'm happy to report. Not much, but we got something.

[21:55] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[21:57] Jesse McAnally: More than the duck factory.

[22:03] Alan Seales: Who wants to go first?

[22:04] Jesse McAnally: Alan does, cause his name starts with an N.

[22:06] Alan Seales: No, Jess's gonna go first just because he said that.

[22:09] Jesse McAnally: Dang yeah.

[22:11] Alan Seales: All right, Jesse, you ready?

[22:12] Jesse McAnally: I'm ready.

[22:14] Alan Seales: All right. Knew who the murderer was immediately. Fuck out of here.

[22:17] Jesse McAnally: That's a one.

[22:18] Alan Seales: Correct.

[22:19] Jesse McAnally: Hell yeah, yeah.

[22:21] Alan Seales: All right, Alan.

[22:22] Jesse McAnally: Just I am. That time Sergeant Studenko and Wonderwood were in a noir detective movie.

[22:29] Alan Seales: Sergeant Stadenko?

[22:31] Jesse McAnally: I don't I don't know who that is, but that's from that's from uh that's from uh uh uh Cheech and Chong, I think.

[22:37] Alan Seales: Uh yes I've never seen it.

[22:39] Jesse McAnally: Uh yes.

[22:40] Alan Seales: Oh my gosh, he looks incredible in this. I'm gonna say five.

[22:46] Jesse McAnally: Correct.

[22:47] Alan Seales: Yeah, because you tried to underplay it.

[22:49] Jesse McAnally: I know the Liz m the Liz tone now.

[22:51] Alan Seales: I legit didn't know who that person was, so Sergeant Studenko.

[22:55] Jesse McAnally: I did not.

[22:56] Alan Seales: No, I don't watch Chin Chinch and Chong casually.

[23:00] Jesse McAnally: Alright, just are you ready?

[23:02] Alan Seales: I'm ready.

[23:03] Jesse McAnally: Watch on YouTube.

[23:08] Alan Seales: Watched on YouTube with a few adverts.

[23:10] Jesse McAnally: For some reason, not too many.

[23:17] Alan Seales: I wish you could see this.

[23:20] Jesse McAnally: Not too many.

[23:23] Alan Seales: Um that sounds like a five.

[23:25] Jesse McAnally: Positive, not too many.

[23:26] Alan Seales: That's correct.

[23:31] Jesse McAnally: Alright.

[23:32] Alan Seales: If they end on a positive note, I think it's usually positive.

[23:35] Jesse McAnally: But sometimes they trick me.

[23:36] Alan Seales: They tricked me.

[23:37] Jesse McAnally: Just like tricky rabbits.

[23:39] Alan Seales: Alright, Alan, are you ready?

[23:40] Jesse McAnally: Alright, Alan, I am.

[23:41] Alan Seales: Nice.

[23:42] Jesse McAnally: I think everyone who wants movies to be horny again should be forced to watch this for a month straight.

[23:52] Alan Seales: I don't want horny like this.

[23:54] Jesse McAnally: I sincerely do. I want Paul Giamatti to have a TV show where he just fucks another 10 out of 10 woman every week and no one questions him.

[24:03] Alan Seales: You know, holdovers? Should have been more horny.

[24:06] Jesse McAnally: It's weirdly horny enough. I just watched it two days ago, and I'm like, you know, I don't need this romance subplot with Paul.

[24:12] Alan Seales: Oh, we're drop. Cool. Perfect.

[24:13] Jesse McAnally: One star.

[24:15] Alan Seales: That is correct.

[24:16] Jesse McAnally: Yep.

[24:17] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[24:18] Jesse McAnally: Yes, I am.

[24:20] Alan Seales: The chipped tooth fooled me.

[24:23] Jesse McAnally: That is one star.

[24:26] Alan Seales: Correct.

[24:28] Jesse McAnally: Alright, Alan, are you ready?

[24:30] Alan Seales: Yes.

[24:30] Jesse McAnally: I am kinuff.

[24:32] Alan Seales: Yeah, you are.

[24:33] Jesse McAnally: You are, sir.

[24:34] Alan Seales: Uh would have helped to have seen the show before, I think.

[24:37] Jesse McAnally: Would have helped. I don't think it would have seen it.

[24:39] Alan Seales: No, I'd never seen the show. Didn't help me.

[24:41] Jesse McAnally: One star.

[24:42] Alan Seales: That is five.

[24:43] Jesse McAnally: No, I knew it.

[24:44] Alan Seales: I won't be.

[24:47] Jesse McAnally: We'll always be.

[24:49] Alan Seales: Alright, Jess, you want to do the last one just for posterity?

[24:52] Jesse McAnally: Yeah.

[24:53] Alan Seales: He just wanted to be a comedian.

[24:55] Jesse McAnally: Damn.

[24:57] Alan Seales: He didn't.

[24:58] Jesse McAnally: He fucking tried to kill Mike Hammer.

[25:00] Alan Seales: He did try to kill Mike Hammer. Like, are we just gonna erase that from history? Because Jim Carrey's a little cute.

[25:05] Jesse McAnally: The ratings are that cute.

[25:07] Alan Seales: The ratings about Jim Carrey. That's impressive.

[25:09] Jesse McAnally: Yeah. Um, I'm gonna I mean, we've had two. We've had the chipped one and we had the comedian one.

[25:12] Alan Seales: Yeah, we'll acknowledge that. It seems like I really okay. When they got on the set of Kidding, I really want to see if they reminisce about Mike Hammer.

[25:21] Jesse McAnally: Like, I Stacy Keach is still a working actor, and I'm pretty sure he's New York local. Could we get him on the podcast?

[25:28] Alan Seales: I mean I would ask him so many questions.

[25:31] Jesse McAnally: We can try. We'd say, like, do you think you're attractive?

[25:35] Alan Seales: Wait, if we're gonna get him on this podcast, we gotta talk nice about him now because he's gonna listen to this episode and then be like, fuck you guys.

[25:41] Jesse McAnally: Stacy Keach, you're very attractive in Mike Hammer.

[25:44] Alan Seales: I swear. It was lying earlier.

[25:48] Jesse McAnally: I mean, I'm sure to boomer women who are kind of widowed, yeah.

[25:52] Alan Seales: You seem really like honestly, I think most uh I think I was too hard. The chest hair does it for me.

[25:58] Jesse McAnally: I'm pulling up the video right now. You know what?

[26:01] Alan Seales: Alright, was that a one or five?

[26:03] Jesse McAnally: That's uh five.

[26:04] Alan Seales: That's a one, you won.

[26:06] Jesse McAnally: I won anyway, despite losing. Let's see, make one up and I'll I'll answer it now.

[26:11] Alan Seales: See if we can turn it. Um I am knuff. I'm old enough.

[26:14] Jesse McAnally: Uh that is that's uh that's a one.

[26:16] Alan Seales: That's a one.

[26:16] Jesse McAnally: That's a five.

[26:17] Alan Seales: You still lost.

[26:18] Jesse McAnally: I lost again. How did you lose the most easy volley I've ever seen?

[26:23] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[26:24] Jesse McAnally: That was a five.

[26:25] Alan Seales: Oh I thought that it was about Barbie, therefore it was not about this.

[26:30] Jesse McAnally: I don't know. Alan, the thing is, anytime anyone quotes the movie, it's always a five. Because that means I remembered enough about the movie to quote it.

[26:38] Alan Seales: And this is how we end. Um I guess the time comes where we ask ourselves, did we like this? Is it uh no spanky?

[26:47] Jesse McAnally: This is the shortest episode we've ever done. How did we stretch out drunk history longer than this?

[26:53] Alan Seales: Okay, what is there to talk about? Drunk history went off topic for most of it, and I kept most of it, so I mean, I respect our audience's good nature to talk about something that I know they aren't gonna look up.

[27:08] Jesse McAnally: That's true. They are gonna find this. Like, how much can we analyze?

[27:15] Alan Seales: Columbo's on Peacock for f and it's on Tubi for free. It is a much better version of this.

[27:20] Jesse McAnally: You know it's like Poker Face, which is like Lady Modder Columbo. Just watch that.

[27:25] Alan Seales: Or I hear this up and coming film is coming out within the next year or so. Um about uh a little bit of a detective going on in a similar vein. It might have a Mr. Alan Seales somewhere in there.

[27:37] Jesse McAnally: Um Alan Seales may or may not be in it. It's got a mystery that keeps you guessing, and you might even learn a thing or two.

[27:47] Alan Seales: No. You are not. You you have too much plot in your scenes. I could not cut you even if I wanted to.

[27:53] Jesse McAnally: I've seen many edits of it, Alan. You are in you're in it every time.

[27:57] Alan Seales: The same amount.

[27:58] Jesse McAnally: So the same amount, but things changed a little, but most like most of the stuff.

[28:03] Alan Seales: So watch that instead of Mike Hammer.

[28:05] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, seriously. Just don't watch Mike Hammer. Um, so I guess that sums up our opinions. Are we across the board a no spank you?

[28:12] Alan Seales: I I'm gonna have to disagree.

[28:17] Jesse McAnally: Okay.

[28:17] Alan Seales: Because I'd like to get smart. Uh the I like the get smart uh naked gunness of this. And I had a few chuckles, and I like Linda Carter, and Jim Carrey wasn't bad. So I'm gonna give this a very, very 51% already then.

[28:37] Jesse McAnally: Um that's fair enough. Um I'm gonna give it like the lowest, like the highest no spank you I can. It is right on that teetering, because there are things I liked about this, but overall, I I'm like, that wasn't fun. That wasn't fun to watch.

[28:49] Alan Seales: I'm gonna give this a very like, I'm gonna do the same as Jess, very high no spanky. Like it's on it's on a line, but it's not going over the well, righty than line. It's fine. Linda Carter's really good. She's in a different movie, clearly.

[29:03] Jesse McAnally: Uh in her mind. It's fine. It's a fun-ish time. When I recommend it, no, but like I don't regret watching it.

[29:12] Alan Seales: Yeah, okay. Like I would watch it if it were on in a hotel room where I can change the channel.

[29:17] Jesse McAnally: Yes, I've I was nothing else on. If it was on TV, I would put it on if there's nothing else on. I'm sure she's Stacey's getting those residuals, you know, two dollars a year.

[29:27] Alan Seales: I watch a lot of CBS and I don't see many ads for this, so everyone's boomer dad um isn't watching this. They're all just watching him on Blue Bloods.

[29:39] Jesse McAnally: Well, that doesn't matter because every episode's just gonna be playing on CBS nonstop when like you're sick at school and it's just the only thing on.

[29:45] Alan Seales: But since Alan was quick to point out that we have a little extra time in this episode than we usually do, I was thinking, since this is our 11th ish episode, ignoring the Christmas um Christmas bonus pieces we gave you, why don't we rank our current setup um right now?

[30:02] Jesse McAnally: Oh my gosh. Um of just what we've done so far.

[30:05] Alan Seales: Okay. So pull it up. We got A, B, E, C, D, F.

[30:10] Jesse McAnally: Oh, good, good. We need F tier. We are not including S because I think that's too much work, and that's kind of what we set up as our standard indie schools of cheese.

[30:19] Alan Seales: So introducing Janet or Rubberface.

[30:22] Jesse McAnally: D.

[30:22] Alan Seales: D.

[30:23] Jesse McAnally: D.

[30:23] Alan Seales: Alright. Then Copper Mountain.

[30:25] Jesse McAnally: I would put that in F.

[30:27] Alan Seales: You can't truly horrendous.

[30:29] Jesse McAnally: Very bad.

[30:29] Alan Seales: I don't remember it, so F.

[30:31] Jesse McAnally: If I can give it an F minus, I would.

[30:33] Alan Seales: Yeah. Alright. Then we've got All in Good Taste.

[30:36] Jesse McAnally: That would be the F minus I gift.

[30:38] Alan Seales: F.

[30:38] Jesse McAnally: F.

[30:39] Alan Seales: F.

[30:39] Jesse McAnally: I mean Yeah.

[30:40] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[30:41] Jesse McAnally: The Sex and Violence Family Hour.

[30:43] Alan Seales: That is also an F.

[30:46] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, it's an F.

[30:47] Alan Seales: Why am I questioning this? It's an F.

[30:49] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, yeah.

[30:49] Alan Seales: Um then we have Finder's Keepers.

[30:52] Jesse McAnally: Actually, I think that's like a high D, low C.

[30:56] Alan Seales: I'd say low C. I wanna I'm gonna give it a low C only because Alex Brightman was our guest.

[31:02] Jesse McAnally: Yes, and he was lovely.

[31:04] Alan Seales: Um then we have um let's jump to our holiday episodes. How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

[31:08] Jesse McAnally: I'm gonna put that in A.

[31:10] Alan Seales: A.

[31:11] Jesse McAnally: Stole Christmas? Yo, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[31:13] Alan Seales: Andrew. I'll agree with you because Randy Heat and Boulder.

[31:15] Jesse McAnally: Yep.

[31:16] Alan Seales: Then A Christmas Carol, which I would put in C.

[31:20] Jesse McAnally: It's the most mid movie I've ever seen.

[31:22] Alan Seales: Yes. Honestly, it's pushing D for Ding that one.

[31:26] Jesse McAnally: Then of course, we have um the Funny or Die special, which I would also give uh an A.

[31:31] Alan Seales: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely definite A.

[31:33] Jesse McAnally: Definite A, yeah.

[31:34] Alan Seales: Then we would have Once Bitten.

[31:36] Jesse McAnally: I think that's a B.

[31:37] Alan Seales: It's a very solid B.

[31:38] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[31:40] Alan Seales: Followed by Peggy.

[31:41] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, Peggy Sue.

[31:42] Alan Seales: I think that's a B, but I know everyone else liked that a lot less than I did.

[31:46] Jesse McAnally: I think it's a high C.

[31:49] Alan Seales: Hi.

[31:49] Jesse McAnally: C for me.

[31:50] Alan Seales: Tie C.

[31:50] Jesse McAnally: That's that is drink all the way.

[31:52] Alan Seales: The Deadpool.

[31:53] Jesse McAnally: That's a D for me.

[31:54] Alan Seales: I would give it an F personally, but uh, that's just me.

[31:58] Jesse McAnally: So we'll go with a D.

[31:59] Alan Seales: I'm Ding that one.

[32:00] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, it's the lowest D though.

[32:01] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[32:01] Jesse McAnally: Like even above or lower than Chris Girl.

[32:03] Alan Seales: Earth Girls are easy. I think that belongs in C or B.

[32:06] Jesse McAnally: I'm I'm gonna I want to be. I want to give it a B.

[32:08] Alan Seales: Yeah.

[32:09] Jesse McAnally: Alright. Earth Girls are B.

[32:10] Alan Seales: And then Mike Hammer, Murder Takes All. Where do we put this girl?

[32:15] Jesse McAnally: I don't it's not good or really good or really bad. I don't know how to do that sounds like a C to me.

[32:20] Alan Seales: It's a C.

[32:21] Jesse McAnally: Yeah, that's a C.

[32:22] Alan Seales: It's definitely less than Earth Girls. Higher than Finder's Keepers.

[32:26] Jesse McAnally: Yes.

[32:26] Alan Seales: So our ranking as of right now. How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Funny or Die, Once Bitten, Earth Girls are Easy, Peggy Sue Got Married, Mike Hammer, Murder Takes All, Finder's Keepers, Introducing Janet, aka Rubberface, A Christmas Carol, The Deadpool, Copper Mountain, All in Good Taste, and Sex and Violence Family Hour.

[32:48] Jesse McAnally: Tell us what you think. Tell it at us.

[32:50] Alan Seales: I love how all the F tiers are just from our first four episodes.

[32:53] Jesse McAnally: I mean, they were bad.

[32:54] Alan Seales: Those are rough.

[32:55] Jesse McAnally: They were bad.

[32:55] Alan Seales: And borderline softcore porn, as we've said multiple times.

[32:59] Jesse McAnally: Borderline?

[33:00] Alan Seales: It's porn.

[33:01] Jesse McAnally: We watched porn.

[33:02] Alan Seales: And on that note, let's wrap up this mofo.

[33:05] Jesse McAnally: Yeah. Thank you guys for listening. Please follow us in iTunes and Spotify at Carrey'd Away with Jess and Alan, and we're on Twitter at Carrey'd Away Podcast, Instagram Carrey'd Away, email us at Carrey'd Away Podcast at gmail.com.

[33:15] Alan Seales: Our title cards created by Grace Aki. Follow them on Instagram at It's Grace Aki.

[33:19] Jesse McAnally: This show is produced and edited by the wonderful Elizabeth Eston.

[33:23] Alan Seales: Our theme song is I Choose You by the Band's Thanks.

[33:26] Jesse McAnally: Thank you to the Broadway Podcast Network for having us on the platform.

[33:28] Alan Seales: I know that.

[33:29] Jesse McAnally: Alright, kids. Anything else we have left to say before we say goodbye?

[33:32] Alan Seales: Don't explode a boat.

[33:33] Jesse McAnally: Not explode your boat.

[33:35] Alan Seales: Don't get dropped out of an airplane in Vegas.

[33:38] Jesse McAnally: I didn't know I needed to go to Vegas, but I went to Vegas, and man, the strip is darker than I thought.

[33:45] Alan Seales: Oh no, an explosion.

[33:47] Jesse McAnally: And that's the full movie. You saw it right there.

[33:50] Alan Seales: Hold on. Wait, wait, hold on, that's not true.

[33:52] Jesse McAnally: You gotta get imagine I'm shipped to Jim Carrey.

[33:54] Alan Seales: What do you mean?

[33:56] Jesse McAnally: Come on!

[33:57] Alan Seales: Like, I'm sorry about that, but I I didn't do it.

[34:03] Jesse McAnally: No, he does not.

[34:04] Alan Seales: No, no. This is like the least Canadian he's been so far.

[34:08] Jesse McAnally: The least polite and other stereotypical things.

[34:11] Alan Seales: And the least big fan of hockey.

[34:13] Jesse McAnally: Hockey, eh?

[34:14] Alan Seales: Hockey, eh? He's a Cowie. He doesn't like sports.

[34:16] Jesse McAnally: Oh, you're right, you're right. He only likes stand-up comedy.

[34:19] Alan Seales: Um, we'll see you next time on Carrey'd Away.