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[0:00] Josie Falana: Hi, I'm Josie Falana, President and Beast.

[0:04] Josie Falana: I'm hi, I'm Josie Falana.

[0:06] Josie Falana: I'm so nervous.

[0:08] Josie Falana: I'm president and viceroy of the Afro Existential Podcast Band Club, Southern Los Angeles District One Division Committee.

[0:18] Josie Falana: And I had a simple I had a question. I wanted to know how do people audition for your variety show.

[0:27] Bessie: And I'm her co-chair, Bessie.

[0:29] Bessie: Because we would like to audition for the show.

[0:32] Bessie: How do you audition?

[0:34] Josie Falana: We good girl. We are real good.

[0:35] Josie Falana: We should be on your show.

[0:37] Josie Falana: And we have a song that we would like to perform.

[0:40] Josie Falana: It's our new hit single called Corona.

[0:42] Josie Falana: It's a whack.

[0:43] Josie Falana: Because Corona is whack.

[0:45] Josie Falana: It's the remake. Give me a beat.

[0:50] Bessie: Girl, you can have two cents out of you like that.

[0:53] Josie Falana: Huh?

[0:54] Josie Falana: Hi, Tony.

[0:55] Josie Falana: It's all about solutions.

[1:00] Josie Falana: I started with me.

[1:02] Josie Falana: What did you do?

[1:03] Josie Falana: Here's the same.

[1:05] Josie Falana: I prayed out. Hallelujah.

[1:08] Josie Falana: I prayed on it.

[1:10] Josie Falana: And it came to me.

[1:12] Josie Falana: Just like that.

[1:15] Josie Falana: And it came to me.

[1:16] Josie Falana: Just like that.

[1:18] Josie Falana: I wanna hear you say Corona somewhere.

[1:22] Josie Falana: But Corona can't keep me back.

[1:24] Josie Falana: Kitty cat, kitty cat cat, kitty cat, kitty cat kiss.

[1:28] Josie Falana: I wanna hear you say Corona can't kiss my kitty cat.

[1:34] Josie Falana: Ladies and gentlemen, we invite your apprehensive listener.

[1:40] Blaine Teamer: Hello and welcome to the Afro Existential Podcast new six-part series entitled Creating Art in Crisis.

[1:48] Blaine Teamer: I'll be your host, Blaine Teamer, as we explore and share with you how these unprecedented times are affecting creativity and how artists are processing and finding solutions to take their art to the next level.

[2:01] Blaine Teamer: What do you do on your thing guided?

[2:03] Blaine Teamer: What do you do for your thing guided?

[2:05] Blaine Teamer: And we opened our show with the hot new dance track, Corona is so whack, a song submitted by two of our fan club members, Josie and Bessie.

[2:15] Blaine Teamer: We love this song and these young artists so much that we debuted their video during our Howl Round virtual event.

[2:22] Blaine Teamer: You can check out the HowlRound event and the young ladies' music video for Corona is so whack, the remix on our website at AfroEXPodcast.com.

[2:34] Blaine Teamer: So sit back and get ready to think outside your box.

[2:38] Blaine Teamer: Yes, it'll be like old time, darling.

[2:40] Blaine Teamer: But first, a word from our sponsors.

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[3:42] Announcer: And that's no lie.

[3:49] Blaine Teamer: Welcome back to the Afro Existential Podcast.

[3:52] Blaine Teamer: New six-part series entitled Creating Art in Crisis.

[3:56] Blaine Teamer: We are kicking off the series with Melanie Stitt, a licensed clinical social worker who talks to us about therapy as one of the tools for dealing in a crisis.

[4:05] Blaine Teamer: We then end with words of advice from David Sparks on what we can do in the few days leading up to the 2020 presidential election.

[4:13] Blaine Teamer: But first up, Melanie Stitt.

[4:15] Blaine Teamer: Melanie is a licensed clinical social worker who has a private practice in Philadelphia and also works for a group practice in New York and New Jersey.

[4:23] Blaine Teamer: Her passion is working with young adults and people attending therapy for the first time to help them identify skills to live more meaningful and pleasurable lives.

[4:32] Blaine Teamer: Her goal is to make therapy attainable and understandable for people who aren't quite sure what to expect.

[4:37] Blaine Teamer: We can't afford to waste any time. So here we go.

[4:40] Blaine Teamer: We can't afford to waste any time.

[4:47] Blaine Teamer: But I like the idea that it's an ascot as well.

[4:49] Melanie Stitt: Thank you.

[4:50] Melanie Stitt: Yes, it's you might actually have a new fashion accessory.

[4:54] Blaine Teamer: I think so.

[4:56] Melanie Stitt: Yeah, yeah.

[4:57] Melanie Stitt: Exactly.

[4:58] Blaine Teamer: You gotta make them a little bit longer and then crunch up a certain type of a way.

[5:01] Melanie Stitt: Exactly.

[5:02] Melanie Stitt: You can wear like a little back.

[5:03] Blaine Teamer: Right, and you just button this right here.

[5:06] Melanie Stitt: There you go.

[5:06] Blaine Teamer: Yeah.

[5:08] Blaine Teamer: Love it.

[5:08] Melanie Stitt: And then you go, pow.

[5:10] Blaine Teamer: Yeah, that's a name a little longer so it stays down.

[5:15] Melanie Stitt: Well, you wear a couple of them.

[5:16] Melanie Stitt: You wear a couple of them, so it's kind of No, you know what that is?

[5:19] Blaine Teamer: Remember those things that used to be called dickies?

[5:21] Melanie Stitt: It was like a course, yeah.

[5:24] Melanie Stitt: That's a dicky.

[5:25] Blaine Teamer: Right.

[5:25] Blaine Teamer: It's Dickie 2.0.

[5:27] Melanie Stitt: Love it.

[5:29] Melanie Stitt: Dicky 2.0.

[5:33] Blaine Teamer: So thank you so much for joining us on the podcast.

[5:36] Melanie Stitt: Thank you guys so much. I'm excited.

[5:37] Blaine Teamer: So we were so when Deer and I were when we we were talking about this idea.

[5:42] Blaine Teamer: I had asked, and I've done a lot of therapy.

[5:44] Blaine Teamer: And I was asking Indira if she had done any therapy.

[5:48] Blaine Teamer: And she said that I was her therapist.

[5:52] Melanie Stitt: Not informed consent.

[5:53] Blaine Teamer: I did not know. I was just giving advice.

[5:55] Blaine Teamer: And so what I thought would be interesting is there are a lot of people who really don't have a concept of what therapy actually is and actually the process.

[6:05] Melanie Stitt: Okay.

[6:05] Blaine Teamer: So I wanted to talk about what our topic is going to be, but also kind of take a person through the process of what to expect after I find a name of a therapist and I see Melanie.

[6:19] Blaine Teamer: What happens next once after I call you? What should I expect?

[6:22] Melanie Stitt: Okay, so I think everybody does it a little bit differently, but here's my process.

[6:27] Melanie Stitt: So somebody will call me and they'll say, Hi Melanie, I'm calling for therapy, or they'll email me.

[6:31] Melanie Stitt: So I set up a 15-minute free consultation by phone or by video.

[6:36] Melanie Stitt: Um I tell them when they call me, have any questions that you could possibly ask a therapist or anybody that you're getting ready to give money to give you advice, have them written down, and that's what you can ask.

[6:49] Melanie Stitt: Basically, people can ask whatever they want, but I want them to think of it as an interview because this is somebody that you're going to trust with your secrets and your fears and all of the stuff that uh is bringing you to therapy.

[7:01] Melanie Stitt: You want to make sure it's the right map.

[7:03] Melanie Stitt: So we I expect them to call me.

[7:05] Melanie Stitt: I tell them I I I use this, I view this as I would in a a session.

[7:10] Melanie Stitt: Sorry.

[7:10] Melanie Stitt: So it's your responsibility to call me.

[7:12] Melanie Stitt: So if we make an appointment, then I expect you to pursue the appointment.

[7:17] Melanie Stitt: You're the one who called me.

[7:18] Melanie Stitt: They call, um, I call I ask them, you know, when they call what they're interested in and what bring what brings them to therapy.

[7:25] Melanie Stitt: They have several different, you know, ways of contacting me.

[7:29] Melanie Stitt: So if they email me, I'll answer by email, but I like to do it by phone.

[7:33] Melanie Stitt: And then I just start asking questions.

[7:35] Melanie Stitt: What's bringing you to therapy? What's going on?

[7:37] Melanie Stitt: And that's basically where we go from.

[7:40] Melanie Stitt: I give them my, I guess like my little introductory speech about who I am, what my background is, some housekeeping.

[7:47] Melanie Stitt: Like I talk, I talk to them about HIPAA information, which is the health insurance portability and accountability act.

[7:54] Melanie Stitt: And that's, you know, anything that you tell me as a therapist is between you and I, unless I think that you're a danger to yourself or others.

[8:01] Melanie Stitt: So I tell people that right off the bat because I want them to understand what therapy is and what kind of relationship this is going to be.

[8:07] Melanie Stitt: So after we get all of the housekeeping out of the way, I get into, you know, a little bit about what they are interested in.

[8:14] Melanie Stitt: I do ask whether or not they have been to therapy before because I want to know what their understanding is of it.

[8:21] Melanie Stitt: If they've been before, I'll ask them what they liked about therapy, what they didn't like about therapy.

[8:26] Melanie Stitt: If they haven't, then I'll tell them how I work as a therapist.

[8:29] Melanie Stitt: And then we go from there.

[8:31] Melanie Stitt: If they're interested in setting up an appointment after that, then we set up an appointment.

[8:35] Melanie Stitt: If not, I like to always let people know there's a million different people.

[8:39] Melanie Stitt: So if we didn't get a good vibe from me, that's absolutely fine.

[8:42] Melanie Stitt: What are you looking for?

[8:44] Melanie Stitt: Here are the places that you might be able to find somebody who is appropriate for you.

[8:48] Melanie Stitt: So I think that's important for people to know because I think you know, if you've never been to therapy before, then you might be turned off if you don't get a good vibe from the person, the first time the first person you speak to.

[8:59] Melanie Stitt: So I let them know it's okay and that there are a lot of other people out there.

[9:04] Melanie Stitt: And you know what? You are unique because everyone does not do that.

[9:08] Melanie Stitt: Right.

[9:09] Melanie Stitt: And they should.

[9:10] Melanie Stitt: And because also there are because a lot of times it's so hard to get to the point where you realize you need to do it or make that step.

[9:19] Melanie Stitt: And then the next step is okay, now I have to find someone.

[9:22] Melanie Stitt: And there are, you know, you get this list of dozens and dozens and dozens of names.

[9:27] Melanie Stitt: And then you narrow it down to one.

[9:28] Melanie Stitt: So a lot of times you're just happy if someone picks up the call, you know, takes the call and or calls you back.

[9:33] Melanie Stitt: And then when you do get to speak to a person, you're just trying to, I think a lot of times people are just trying to get that appointment.

[9:40] Blaine Teamer: Right.

[9:40] Melanie Stitt: Just trying to make the appointment.

[9:41] Melanie Stitt: And so all the stuff that you're saying is so important because there are so many therapeutic approaches and methods of which therapists go about it.

[9:52] Melanie Stitt: So the person may not be a fit, their therapeutic approach may not be a fit.

[9:57] Melanie Stitt: And unfortunately, a lot of times it's just I gotta make an appointment, and this is the person that picked up the phone, and then you start that process.

[10:06] Melanie Stitt: And then you you're into a couple of sessions, you're like, this isn't working.

[10:10] Blaine Teamer: So therefore, therapy does not work.

[10:12] Melanie Stitt: Right.

[10:12] Melanie Stitt: And I think it's important to let people know it's okay if you don't think that we're a good fit.

[10:19] Melanie Stitt: I mean, at first when I first started doing this, I was like, no, I should be a good fit for everybody, but I'm not a good fit for everybody.

[10:24] Melanie Stitt: I'm a good fit for the people who believe I'm a good fit for them.

[10:27] Melanie Stitt: So I and you're right, it takes so long to get up the nerve to call somebody and to figure out like, oh, therapy might be the thing that I'm interested in, or what I need that you don't want to be discouraged by the first person.

[10:27] Melanie Stitt: You don't want to work up all of this nerve and then be like, oh God, like that was horrible.

[10:44] Melanie Stitt: Like even a 15-minute conversation with somebody should be able to let you know if they're right for you but if you're so desperate or if you're at a point where you're like I just need to talk to somebody you might not think about that.

[10:55] Blaine Teamer: Right.

[10:55] Melanie Stitt: So I do like to let those right yeah and we're so undereducated about mental health in general right but therapy it's never explained it's never taught to us on how to seek people out.

[11:09] Blaine Teamer: So I think that's wonderful that you take out a program.

[11:12] Melanie Stitt: Or even even what it is really I think the connotation may be that oh it's for someone who's crazy.

[11:20] Melanie Stitt: Right.

[11:21] Melanie Stitt: Or you have to have some type of mental illness.

[11:23] Melanie Stitt: Right.

[11:24] Melanie Stitt: And or it's for Caucasian.

[11:25] Blaine Teamer: Right.

[11:26] Melanie Stitt: And so for us it's like well I'm not I don't need like that's that's for other people.

[11:32] Melanie Stitt: Right.

[11:32] Melanie Stitt: But what I will do is I will complain or tell my problems to friends and everybody else right who has a bias but I'm not going to a specific person who can really kind of listen and help me kind of get clarity on it.

[11:45] Blaine Teamer: Or I'm a podcast host.

[11:47] Melanie Stitt: Or my podcast as well.

[11:49] Melanie Stitt: Yeah.

[11:49] Melanie Stitt: Whoever's available.

[11:51] Melanie Stitt: Whoever is available but I you know I think we I've spoken about this before.

[11:58] Melanie Stitt: I so I'm 50 I went to I started therapy in my 20 and I started therapy in my twenties because I didn't like my job and I didn't know what to do.

[12:07] Melanie Stitt: I didn't have another alternative I was like I went to school for this parents would be really mad if I didn't continue to do this thing but I canceled it.

[12:16] Melanie Stitt: And it was a a Caucasian coworker who was like, go to therapy.

[12:20] Melanie Stitt: And I'm like, I don't know what you are talking about.

[12:22] Melanie Stitt: But I I'm happy that I took that advice and I went because I would have never I would have been one of those people who who now is I'm 53.

[12:22] Melanie Stitt: I would have been one of those people at 53 who is like, I've been at the same job for the past 40 years and I hate it.

[12:36] Melanie Stitt: Or something else might have happened.

[12:37] Melanie Stitt: Like I didn't know that there was an option.

[12:40] Melanie Stitt: What I think is that the people, the younger generation, I get a lot of younger people, they do get it, and they don't like to feel uncomfortable.

[12:48] Melanie Stitt: I think that our, you know, our parents might say, Oh, you know, they don't have they're so soft, or you know, whatever they would say to make it seem as though these they don't have any coping skills.

[12:57] Melanie Stitt: But I think that they have tremendous coping skills because they're like, I feel uncomfortable and I don't like it. I'm gonna figure it out. Right. And know that there are tools out there for it, and they know their tools and they're not afraid of utilizing them. There's not a stigma attached to it like there might have been when I was younger. They're all for it. What's interesting is that people think that the kids now, like you said, can't cope, but what they don't associate with in previous generations that the coping mechanism may have been all sorts of acting out from alcohol and drug addiction to abuse to running away from a situation to lifelong depression, you know, to all sorts of things that as a culture we are used to dealing with, but never truly talking about or associating with any emotional problems that we might be dealing with.

[13:48] Blaine Teamer: I agree. And we have a lot of, you know, I think the stigma about telling other people your business, right? Would would have been one of the things that would have prevented us from going. I think that was the lack of understanding that people had about what therapy was, but how would we have known? How would we have known that it's okay to go to somebody who's gonna tell you up front? Because I tell you up front, I'm not gonna tell anybody anything to tell me, unless you say you're gonna hurt yourself or somebody else or me, because that's my job. I'm a mandated reporter. But outside of that, tell me everything. I don't have a judgment. I will listen. I'm not gonna tell you that you made your decisions about leaving something that was maladaptive but had been passed down for generations.

I'm not gonna tell you that leaving that was a bad thing. I'm going to applaud you because you took a step in the right direction for your mental health. And I think that the fear is that if I tell somebody something about my family, they're gonna have this judgment against my family. I don't. I just want you to be well, and I always tell them, you know, whoever I work with, I just want you to live the life that you want to live. And if sometimes you have to block a family member on Instagram or stop talking to somebody who you thought was a best friend to make yourself feel better, that's fine. And I don't think that's information that we would have had more. I don't think anybody would have told us maybe you shouldn't talk to your mom right now. Right, maybe we should figure out a way for you to talk to your mom so that you don't get upset every time you hang up the phone, right?

[15:11] Melanie Stitt: Right, and so and do you have an idea of what you think therapy is? What I am learning is that there are multiple types of therapy, the type of therapy that I need, not entirely sure, but I will tell people often probably go to therapy. I tell people that more I'm not gonna I don't have a therapist to recommend. I can't, but you know what I think you you just listening to you this is you know, I think right because I'm about therapy, and I think I've been on this journey for a very long time. I always tell people that solving people's problems, I am not your mama, I'm not, and I'm not a therapist. I really can't help. Like I've learned my limitation, you know.

[15:55] Blaine Teamer: Right.

[15:55] Melanie Stitt: I can listen and I can court it. And I've learned to be court if my friends think I used to be a big let's sit down and work on your life type of person. Like, let's just put this on paper, fix this. Right. Go through all you gotta do is get a nap girl, and you are gonna be fine. I don't even play a little game more. I am a therapy type of person. 100%. And I think about therapy every. I mean, listen, I think that I think that you will do well in therapy when you decide it's right for you to go. I think that you know, a lot of people probably therapy, but they're not ready and they don't know, you know, what to expect. So I think there's a lot of research you can do. You can talk to your friends who've gone, you can research people online.

This is what I always tell people because I sometimes when people call, I'm like, well, what made you pick? And they're like, Well, something you wrote in your bio. Read everybody's bios. Don't just look at her and say, Oh, she's got logs. I think I want to work with her. Look at their bio. I feel like you should treat it like an interview when you're calling your like a prospective therapist. Like, where did you go to school? How long have you been working? How many people do you see? Have you ever talked to somebody who has this? Like you should you should treat it as an interview. And even after you get all of that information, you can still meet with them and not and it might not work out, but at least you've done your due diligence. Usually it does work out when you do when you do your research, though.

[17:15] Blaine Teamer: Right, right. At least you know, like at least you then have a better idea of when you get that answer or response from someone if it doesn't feel or sound right. And I've been with therapists who are very, it's like you're talking to like your mother and it's very mothering, and then there are some people who don't say anything and it's very kind of cold. And there are some people it's like you're talking to a friend and they're kind of guiding you through a process. So, and at different times you may need different approaches to it because you may not be ready for like the kind of like cut and dry. You may need somebody that's more kind of motherly, engaging, it's gonna kind of pull it out warm and fuzzy at that particular moment of it. And so everyone is going to be a little different.

[18:02] Melanie Stitt: Yes. And I think that that's the amazing thing about this field. Everybody needs something different, right? So that's why there's so many different people and so many different approaches and so many different ways to do therapy. Like I think that you know, some people want you to sit behind a desk because they need to feel like somebody is being authoritative. Some people want you to like some of my clients, we sit on the floor and we talk about stuff. I don't pick a particular chair because they might want it. Like I think that you just have to know, and a first-time person going to therapy isn't gonna know what they mean, but what they will know is the person that I work that I started working with, I really like her style, or the person that I started working, I don't know about them, and that's when you start questioning.

You can question them, you can say, because I ask for feedback sometimes like, well, how do you think it went? And that's when you tell them the truth. So I think that the other part the other pieces, we're not used to telling people the truth if we're dissatisfied, if we're unhappy, and then that builds the anxiety, right? I didn't get to tell them that I really didn't like, you know, when she sat behind the desk because it made me feel like I used to get in trouble when I was in school. I didn't tell her that. Okay, tell her, maybe that's where your therapist sits, and then maybe that's something that you guys could talk about because maybe it's something that you need to explore more, or it might be not the right person for you.

And that's just the little thing. Like, I don't know that anybody has ever had like I haven't had anybody that's had that issue, but I think that the point was you have this is the person you can be honest. So if there's something going on and if they're asking you a question, be honest with them. Like we might we might not be honest with our friends, we might not be honest with our parents, we might not be honest with our spouses because we don't want to hurt their feelings. You're not gonna hurt your therapist feeling.

[19:44] Blaine Teamer: Right. Now, with the pandemic and the social unrest, how has that affected clients as well as yourself and how you and how you work with it now?

[19:54] Melanie Stitt: So I have had a lot of people call me since the pandemic started. And so I always say what the precipitating event is gonna be the pandemic. Everybody's freaked out because of the pandemic. They might have had, you know, these meetings at work about equity and social justice, and now they don't know how to process it. And so they come into therapy because they want to process it with somebody who's not at their job, that they can say whatever they want to and not, you know, be held, you know, not not be held accountable, but you know, people won't say, Oh my god, I didn't think she was racist, but she just said something and it was racist. So that's why they come in. But what I found is once they come in and we kind of talk about, you know, I've been with my husband in this house for six months and I'm going crazy, or I've been with these kids, or you know, I'm working from home and I don't like it.

Then the other stuff that maybe they had been putting off going to therapy for comes out. Well, really, you know, I didn't realize that my husband, you know, when I wasn't at home, that he just sat around and watched cartoons. Right. I didn't know that about him. And I don't like it because I feel resentful because you know, there's all these different things that come out, and I think they're coming out because people aren't used to spending six months at a time in the house with each other forever, if it's a couple, or people have a lot of time to think to themselves and they're like, Oh my god, this is a thing that maybe I can work on because I didn't realize it was that bad because before the pandemic I had all of these other distractions.

[21:14] Blaine Teamer: Right.

[21:14] Melanie Stitt: So I think you know how we're how I'm dealing with it is you come into me and you tell me what's going on, but somehow it turns into something else because I think a lot of people realize that the pandemic is what it is. So my advice for that is let's figure out how to make the best of this situation. But what's coming out of the session is I didn't realize that I didn't like being alone, and now I'm alone and I don't know when I'm not gonna be alone, and it's really scary. And then we start processing, you know, the other things that come out. But for me, I mean, I think that I knock on wood, have been lucky because I haven't had I still working my full-time job, I'm still working my part-time job, I like working from home.

Yeah, I'd like to be able to go to more places, yeah. I like to be able to travel freely, but I think I've made the best out of this situation, and so I think as a therapist, it's something that I use sometimes to talk to my clients about what we can use as our coping skills because I found coping skills that I didn't know that I had doing this. I've become more creative. I was already a little creative, but I didn't use my creativity like I wanted to. I've had the ability to do that. I've learned more about who I am as a person by herself who doesn't get to do the things that she gets that she really loves to do and how to pivot in the face of not being able to do all of my like other self-care things, and so I think it's a time to be creative, and so I work with my clients on and not not just like I'm an artist, so I'm gonna do art, but what is a creative way for you to get this need met now that now that the way that you've usually done it is not available.

[22:49] Blaine Teamer: And so, what are people coming up with?

[22:51] Melanie Stitt: So I have a client who was an art teacher and she is retired now. She's gone back to art. I've had people who are thinking of very like people who who are what is that? Because I'm not it athletic. Right. I'm like, what's that thing that people are doing? What's that thing when you move when you move your arms when you move your arms and your legs? I have people who are starting their own web series, like doing their own personal training online and charging people like five dollars to follow them and work out with them. However, you can figure out how to do the thing that you used to do outside and that with a group of people and now you do it at home. People like all of these happy hours that people have been having, Zoom happy hours, which I also don't, but people love it because they get to see their friends.

They get to be, you know, we're doing a cooking class on Saturday, like a with my group that I work with in New York, we're doing a cooking class. So it's literally just using these computers that we have that we didn't really pay that much attention to, and using them for everything that we can find, or going out into the world and socially distancing on a picnic. Like I saw people outside my building yesterday having a picnic, and they literally look like they were spaced six feet apart and they were sitting in a huge circle, and they look like they were having an adorable time. So I think you just have to figure it out.

[24:11] Blaine Teamer: And so do you not, I mean, let me circle back. Do you not like the Zoom cocktail parties because people are drinking at home or you don't like like what's the what's the rationale?

[24:23] Melanie Stitt: So it's a personal thing for me, but I also think you know, it's not the same. We want to be around people. It's giving, I mean, I think for some people, so I I'll just say for me, because some people love it, and I think that it is what it is. Like if you like it and it works for you, but I don't want to sit at my house and drink like six margaritas. Right. I want to be outside with my friends and do that, and then I want to be able to walk to the place that I used we used to walk to before and do all the things that we wanted to do. So for me, it's giving me it's I am a I'm a carnivore. It's like giving me a plant-based burger. It's the same but different. And it's not as satisfying, but I don't take that away from people who do find the joy and like seeing their friends and seeing like 16 people on, you know, their their screen and talking.

But I also think it doesn't, it just doesn't fulfill me the way that I want to. And I I'm not good with the substitution of that particular thing. I don't know that people should be sitting at home drinking as much as you might you might drink more that you're now that you're at home. And if drinking is an issue for you, then should you be sitting at home by yourself drinking, looking at a computer, and then the computer goes off and then you don't have anything to do with you know with all of that energy that you worked up during the happy hour. So that's just my personal opinion. I don't know. I but I I know, but I know that people love it. I know that it goes on all the time. I think people should do if it works for you, I think you should do it. How do you help people?

[25:47] Melanie Stitt: There are a lot of creatives, but not just creatives, um, people who get stuck before the pandemic. How do you help people get past being stuck? I think we have to look at why you're stuck, like what is what is the reason for being stuck now? So there's a pandemic, so is your fear that you're gonna go outside and get COVID-19 because that's a real fear and it's a real thing that can happen. So have we looked at how to do the thing that you want to do safely? Have you explored that? Have you tried it? And if you've tried it, what's been the barrier? If you haven't tried it, what's been the barrier? If you did try it, how did it feel? And I think it's really kind of pinpointing the where you're stuck, what the issue is, and figuring out how to get you unstuck.

I'm it's the same as before the pandemic because I think that we get stuck all the time. This is a great excuse, but it's not necessarily not necessarily valid if you didn't try any, right? If you didn't try to get unstuck. I don't think it's necessarily a valid. Like, did you re did you put your mask on? Do you have your hand sanitizer? Do you have like are you safe when you go out and you're stuck? I guess would be my question. And then stuck just in terms of, you know, I thought I was going to, you know, do all of these things in 2020. What were the things that we thought we were going to do in 2020? How do we how do we rejush it so that you can do something similar to it? I've gotten a lot of feedback from writers and artists where you would think, Oh my God, I get to be in the house, you know, exclusively and write.

I get this time that I've never thought I would have, but I've never had before. But between a global pandemic, you know, people getting killed in the streets, the social unrest, the you know, black lives matter, right? They it their art feels almost like secondary. It's hard to prioritize it when you feel like you should be in the street protest where you should be on Twitter raging in order to get PPE for our first responders. And they feel that it's hard to get started on something that especially with with writing, where you're doing it often in a bubble, it's not like you're getting paid for it. It's more, you know, it's a creative, if you're creative outlet, you might ultimately get paid for it.

But they it's hard to get to it's hard to like justify it. That's the word I was looking for. I think it's hard to justify art, you know, they're there art and they're having a a blind ad every time you're gonna run out. I know I've certainly had days like that where I felt like I should be in the street. But changing the world. No, I understand that, but I also think so. I was thinking about this earlier today. There's different ways that we that we protest. There's different ways that we show that we're, you know, working on the cause. And everybody is not meant to be out in the street. It's a marathon, not a sprint, the pandemic and the social justice and all the stuff. You don't have to pick one particular way to make a difference.

If you feel that sitting at home and writing out your feelings about what's going on and maybe posting them someplace so that it can help another person, then that's that's your job. That might make you feel better. I don't know that everybody is supposed to be out in streets. I think there's so many different ways for us to show that we care. So I I think for people who who feel as though they should be doing a thing because somebody else is doing it, or they feel that's the only way that they can they could be supportive, I would I would push them to think, is that the only way that you can be supportive? Is that what you really want to do? Or do you think that if I'm not marching out in the street, uh what I don't what I'm doing doesn't matter?

It's not that's not true. I think you do what you can in the ways that you can. And I think I think also too, I would ask so are you doing those things that you feel are important? Like, are you marching in the street? Are you getting the the supplies to where they need to get to, or are you just having anxiety about those things but not doing anything about it? Because then it would be, oh, I'm so busy doing these things that I don't have time to write, which is which is different. Right. That is different. So it I mean, you're right. I think that you have to figure out what is it that you're doing that you think matter that that you think will make a difference. Right. So if you're thinking it be you should be doing something and you're not doing it, why are you thinking you should be doing it and not doing it?

Or if you're doing it and that's preventing you from doing something else, then what's that? It's all about like what your barriers are. Right. Well, I know, and uh I early on I realized that my goal that didn't sharpen my goal, which was to channel, channel the anxiety, channel the desire, channel the the the rage into what I was writing. Like I'm very curious as to what type of work is gonna come out of this, you know, this is these types of moments really can transform the guy and create movement of thought. And I I I'm so curious about the post-time God feeling we get to those, but the postcode, you know, P PC, uh time channeling and how to that's actually a question that I want to talk about really is I guess how to help people channel, you know, or how to help people process so they can utilize this time, you know, better.

I mean, I think it did it depends on people's motivation, right? So if somebody comes and they want to kind of work on their motivation on how to address the pandemic, this whole race war that we're having. If your motivation is there, then how are you how are you using this anxiety before, before the pandemic? We always have anxiety and we use things, different methods to get rid of our anxiety. So have you stopped using it now? And if you have been blocked by your anxiety because of the pandemic, then we try to get rid of the block. And then we start talking about what you would like to do. What does it look like to for change? What would change look like for you? And I like to work backwards because I think so.

One of the questions I ask people sometimes is if you could just snap your fingers tomorrow. I mean, today, and it would be different tomorrow, what would that look like? So if we do that, if we ask that question, then we work backwards from what your answer is. I would like, you know, myself to be able to talk to, you know, people in my community about how we can organize and get, you know, whatever your your answer is, and then we work for backwards. So so what would that entail? How would we start so if your end goal is to I want to start doing like organize in my community, what would you have to do first? So this is what you would have to do first. Is there a barrier to you doing it first?

And then we talk about the barrier to doing it first and getting started. And then we just go from there and we kind of make a plan on how to get to your goal that you just gave yourself. And I did that pre pre-pandemic but in terms of helping people get stuck and people who really want to do something and they don't know how to do it, I do it now. It's your plan. You've made this plan. So we've kind of come up with a plan on what you'd like to do. It's measurable goals. You've you've had a hundred percent input into it so it is a goal that you've made for yourself and now we're just figuring out my job is to help you figure out how to get to it. And I have a uh I don't need I don't know if I saw it on your Instagram page, Melanie, but I think about it a lot and it's the idea of like trauma porn.

And it it's it's so you know first of all you turn on the news. Right. And it's become so normalized. You go to your Instagram it's you know and you're trying to curate your life a little bit and it's so normalized there. And then it's repeated over and over and over again. And it's it's information almost like information that we know, but then having to be forced to see it repeatedly. And it's in, you know, I I would go on a rant. This was a a couple years ago, when there were all these films that were winning all these big awards, right? So it was like Twelve Years a Slave. It was the green uh what the green book cream book. Green book. There were like a series of them, like back to back to back, and they were kind of a moonlight.

They were all kind of being celebrated. And I looked and I was like, this is just like the most tragic portrayal of us. And it's being it's so celebrated, and we're seeing it, and now we're seeing you know, you see it in theater, you see it, and then you see it on the news played out over and over again. And you feel like that that's that is the only only existence. Depiction, yeah, or just only way to kind of see or be in the world. And so how do you I don't even know if there's an answer to this, but what are your thoughts? And how do you kind of navigate through that? I think you're right. I don't know if there's an answer. I always recommend that people if there's something that you are looking at and it is making you upset, causing you trauma, reopening a wound, turn it off, unbl unfollow.

If it's a page that if you're online and there's a page that always has, okay, six officers, you know, beat up this person, and this person was shot seven times, and that's all they report on, then unfollow them. If you must see the video, then videos, I would ask, why do you need to see it? You you've read what it is. So I don't understand why you need to re-traumatize yourself. Right. But I think that people, I think people have to figure that out in terms of how it's affecting their life daily. So if you're constantly looking at this, it can't possibly be it's it's like watching violent movies all the time. It's not, it's it's it does something to you. It it normalizes and desensitizes you, and then you don't and then you don't care, but but you do care.

I think you I think you you take it inside and it comes out in different ways. Maybe your children see it and they become more violent, you know, or they think violence is okay and they start hitting each other and and it doesn't bother them anymore and then they grow up and they you know it just is perpetuated because it's so normalized. It's it's I think of it as when we saw the kid um who went to I can't remember where he went to but he shot the two protesters at one of the pro at one of the marches. In Kenosha and he sh in Kenosha I don't know that anybody was so surprised that they saw him walking down the street with a rifle but you should be surprised when you walk down the street and see somebody should be alarmed you should be surprised alarmed you should be scared you should be right scared all of the things.

And so I think watch the news all the time and seeing people get murdered watching violent films, reading about violence all the time that causes us to say oh he's walking down the street with a gun. So I and it's you know it's odd but I'm not that alarmed. So I think that we have to identify what I think it's doing to me. How do I feel like it's it's affecting me is it I would ask the question is it making my day better by so I always say unfollow things that make you upset find credible news sources that you trust and get your information from them and try to get it do you need it 10 times a day or can you check in the morning and then check in the evening. Right. I'm just thinking that you have to limit the amount of information that you get.

And then the flip side of it is is that you know I'll find myself like tearing up when I see something where like Kamala and Biden are having like a civil conversation and it's just like they're just being kind to each other. Right. Or someone doing an act of kindness where it just seems like I think when the for some reason when Kamala gave her speech, I was just like crying because it was like this was like so refreshing. Right. And it that it has become not the normal. So to see it, it was like, oh like it was like the ice was finally being removed. And it was like, oh this is what it sounds like and feels like and could look like 'cause we're so not used to that now. It's so been just like, you know, and it's how people it's how the news sells themselves.

You have to like at six o'clock, fire here and poison here and 20 people dead here. And it's like, okay, I have to watch this because I have to know what's going on. Right. But it's a lot of things. Right. So it's what they also do. Yeah, it feels very very less. Right. Right. So I think that is as much as we follow things that might make us upset, we have to counterbalance that with things that that bring us joy. We have to we have to if we're going to continue to use social media as our way of finding out news, if we're going to continue to, you know, watch the news all the time, then we have to counteract that with something that's joyful. Right. Mm-hmm. Right. Now now if you can help me figure out how to make my Yahoo front page just be the good news, I'm telling you it that Yahoo, my Yahoo news almost killed me every day.

I try and I gotta go through that to get some dang mail and I get a and I think the only hope that they try to give you is it's Kim Kardashian. So I wonder if that means you know limiting so I see that the Yahoo's there. Is it coming email form? Or it's just like you go to your page, phew, right there. If you go like if you go to Yahoo, I usually go to Yahoo to get to my my mail, but as we talked I already realized I need to just bookmark my mail and promise we that's a therapist. That's what a therapist does. And you figured it out on your own. And you figured it out on your own right I mean, so that's, but that's that's some of the so really, like when you go to a therapist, that might be what your therapist okay.

[38:49] Melanie Stitt: So do you have to look at Yahoo News, or do you can you just look at your email and you say, you know what? I could look at my email. A therapist will give you information about stuff you probably know sometimes. You probably know, but just didn't think about just yet. Or I've been doing it like this so long, it would never dawn on to do something a different way. Um it's somebody who does not know you, who doesn't know your habits, doesn't know your pattern, who's saying, Oh, well, you just told me that you did that like five times. Did you realize that you did it five times? You're like, No, I didn't realize that. So this this is totally off topic, but sometimes when people are like, Oh, I don't really have a big enough issue to go to therapy for my stuff is minor compared to what other people are going through.

Nothing is minor. If you have something going on that you want somebody else's ideas about how you should handle it, or you just want to figure something out, you can go to a therapist. It does, I don't think that there's any issue that's small. And I think we talk about the things that are present right now, like the pandemic and you know, the election and all of those things as things that are bringing people into therapy, but really a therapist helps you problem solve. We help you problem solve and help you build new coping skills. We help you build use coping skills that you've had and you just didn't know you could use it for this situation. It's enhancing skills you already have that you didn't even know that you could use.

And I think really also you know, different from a life coach is that the therapist is really helping you come up with those answers on your own. Right. So really guiding you to get to that thing versus saying, okay, this is what you need. Right. Because I can tell you what I think you need to do, but that doesn't mean that that's the right thing for you to do. You might have skills that you've used in the past that you're very comfortable with that you just didn't realize that you could use for the situation that you have now. I think that we do that a lot. I think that we know how, like back in the day when I had an issue, how did I solve it? Oh, I didn't know I could use that same coping mechanism and skill to solve this problem.

Which like a little tweaking, or you know, maybe you know, I'm older now, so I would do it a little bit differently. But it's just we forget sometimes that we are so resilient and that we know how to take care of ourselves because I think you know, we just have so much going on, so many things going on that we just forget about it. And things and skills that we take for granted, it's not assets. I think that shopping for therapy sounds scary, but I think that once you find a person that you think really understands you and can help you, then you probably you probably need to do a lot of work to find that person, but once you do it, I think that you will be happy home. I don't know. I mean, I everybody has a different a different way of working with people.

I think that I'm more down to earth. I think I like young, I like my people, I like the kids that are just coming out of college or I have like high school kids, but I like people also who are new to therapy because I know I was frightened when I went, and I think that I try to make it less I thought I try to normalize it and make it less scary. I have the clinical skills, I've I've been doing this for a long time, but I still have my personality, and I think that my personality brings the people who stay with me. I think that that is why I have the people that I have. If you look through the resources, you can go to therapy for black girls, you can go to psychology today, you can go to all of these different places to look for therapists and you read their bios and somebody sticks out to you, call them and engage them in a conversation and ask all of the questions that you feel like you need to make a a decision.

This was what my thesis was on for graduate school was but how do you become an informed consumer for therapy. Yes. And it's almost like you're looking for how would you look for a car or for a home. You wouldn't necessarily just go to a car dealership and buy the first car that you saw. You know what your needs are, you know what you're looking for and you kind of do hopefully you do some research and you find the right place and then you you get a vibe of what they're like and then you you know you make the purchase right at this point. You know unfortunately so many of us are doing it when we're at a point of right distress. So it's trying to like you're just trying to get to the emergency.

Right. And so whoever you call up first, whoever can see you, that's who you're going to go to and you feel like you've done all your work based upon that. And then you get and you know it could go either way. Right. Like it's fine but if I had more time I would have maybe gone to the other hospital. Right. Right, right. But then also for some people financially therapy oh yeah challenge. And I wanted to bring that up we had spoken about that but then you know even who have insurance might have 10 sessions you know so you feel like okay I got 10 hours to work this out. So I if I go if I go if I meet seven people and I and I spend my $15 co-pay I I'm only gonna have three more sessions to figure this whole thing out you know so I think that's also a barrier that's important to get as much information to work around.

Right. And it is so therapy is an investment that luckily there's a couple of agencies that you can go for low cost therapy or help you pay for therapy. But you're right. Therapy is expensive and it is something that is an investment, but you should still, regardless of whether it's an investment or not, if I'm giving you $15, I still want to get the service that I need. And I also don't be afraid to ask your therapist if they have a sliding scale. Some people do have a sliding scale.

[44:12] Blaine Teamer: Fantastic. Okay. Perfect. Thank you so much. It was really good. Thank you, you guys. This was fun. I was just saying, Monty, thank you so much for enjoying. Really appreciate it. No problem. No problem. I enjoyed it. Thank you.

[44:26] Blaine Teamer: Well, what do we do now? Next up is David Sparks. If you listen to our audio play, Dead Weight, a journey in Afro-Existentialism, David played Grady Mulligan. We interviewed David over the summer on episode two of our podcast. Since we are days away from election day, we invited David back to get some additional insight on what we can do in the final stretch. You can follow David on Twitter at DF Sparks. We can't afford to waste any time. We are really close to the date of the election. We can't afford to waste any time. And I think there are a lot of reasons to be optimistic. What we wanted to talk about was what people can be doing in this stage. If you have already voted, hats off to you.

Thank you. But if you have the option of taking your ballot to either your city hall, your county clerk, or to an official designated ballot box. I have those are probably the best options. And if you don't know where those places are or what's available to you, then please go on the internet. Google your city or your county, and where can I drop off my ballot? That's the best thing to do. It makes it easier to do what must be done. You can look up your states and say when do my ballots have to be received? What are you going to do? Because different states are going to have different rules. Some some states it's the case that if it's postmarked on election day, they'll count. There isn't time.

Other states it's not. And then even the states that do give you extra time, the periods are different. So, first, if you have internet access, you know, find out what are the rules in terms of when your mail and ballot has to be received. Please turn them in. We can't afford to waste any time. Because we've seen some pretty good rates of ballot returns, but there's still a lot of ballots that were requested that are out there. And we just want them counted as soon as possible. You know, I think everybody wants to be clear that night who's won. Because we don't want to put ourselves through weeks or months of really not knowing who the president is going to be. Or am I wrong? I'm scared. The other thing I wanted to talk about is what works in terms of getting people to vote.

Would you say it was dependent on rocket propulsion or some hitherto unknown gravity repellent magnetic field type of turbo jump power? I've looked up a couple of studies on this, and the most important thing is whether or not voting is a social expectation within your social group. You talking to the people you know about voting and the importance of voting is the most effective, most important tool that we have in terms of getting people to vote. All that's been explained leads to one conclusion. That is an effective method in terms of modeling voting in that social group. Talk about it on your social media. But most importantly, if there are people in your lives who you know who have not voted, if you can talk to them, that's a really effective way.

What are you talking about? What's wrong with it? We gotta get those infrequent voters out. People who didn't vote in 2016. So if there's any way you have in your either your online social circles or your social circles to talk with people, that would be great. May I say just once more, please? And I just hope everyone can keep their heads up and be hopeful and try to manage the anxiety over this next period. I just hope everyone can keep their heads up and be hopeful and try to manage the anxiety over this next period. We have so many things to be anxious about.

[48:32] Blaine Teamer: Every word is true. I swear. Hallelujah! It's all finished. I finished it. Well, that completes our first episode. Hallelujah of our series, Creating Art in Crisis. I hope the information was helpful. And I hope you join us next week. And here's something else that's big news. For our interview with Danny Feldman, the producing artistic director of the Pasadena Playhouse. We discussed with Danny how they are moving forward during this pandemic and the recent launch of PlayhouseLive.org. Their beautiful new digital hub for high-quality theater experiences. Original series, educational programming, and other industry-related content that builds on the pioneering legacy central to the Pasadena Playhouse. You can check out Pasadena Live.org now. And we'll leave you with the infectious new dance anthem. Corona is so whack by Josie and Bessie. You can check out their video on our website, AfroEX Podcast.com. And as always, have a great day on purpose.

[49:40] ♪ Musical number ♪

[51:28] Bessie: Just my gut.