This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:21] Jesse McAnally: Hello, I'm Jesse McAnally.

[0:23] Andrew DeWolf: And I'm Andrew DeWolf.

[0:25] Liz Esten: And I'm Liz Esten.

[0:26] Jesse McAnally: And welcome to the Cheese Wheel Podcast, a hyper fixation podcast where our topics are gambled. And this week, the wheel landed on Andrew DeWolf's pick of Spy Kids 2001.

[0:37] Andrew DeWolf: Why? Why did you put this on the wheel, sir?

[0:40] Andrew DeWolf: So I just have this weird fascination with it because it's one of those things where, like, it just kind of hit. And you go back and you watch it and you're just like, what? How did this hit? Like, how did this work? And there's just so much strange, weird, weird choices in this movie that it's hard not to be a little bit fascinated by it, you know, for me.

[1:10] Andrew DeWolf: I can tell you why it was a success. It was two words, Spy Kids, perfect premise to the trailer. Between driving the kids to school.

[1:19] Jesse McAnally: Mom, he's mimicking me.

[1:23] Andrew DeWolf: And putting them to bed. No one would ever guess that mom and dad are the world's top secret agents.

[1:34] Andrew DeWolf: We've got to follow her.

[1:35] Andrew DeWolf: No for long. What'd you do? Your parents are international spies, but something's gone wrong.

[1:45] Andrew DeWolf: My parents can't be spies. They're not cool enough. That's cool. Now, the only two people who can save them are their kids.

[1:57] Andrew DeWolf: I think it's up to us. You with me? How to be a spy. Good spy puts himself in the mindset of the opponent.

[2:07] Andrew DeWolf: Ew, gross. What do you see? You. Now, they're on a mission to stop an evil genius, rescue their parents and save the world.

[2:23] Andrew DeWolf: Spy Kids was a film written and directed by Robert Rodriguez. It premiered March 18th, 2001, and released in the United States on March 30th by Dimension Films. The film received positive reviews from critics and grossed over one hundred and forty-seven million dollars worldwide against a production budget of thirty-five million.

[2:40] Andrew DeWolf: Remember mid-budget films? I do. Roger Ebert of Chicago Sun-Times gave it a three point five out of four, calling it a treasure. He wrote movies like Spy Kids are so rare. Families are often reduced to attending scatological dumber and dumbest movies like See Spot Run. Movies that teach vulgarity as a value. Spy Kids is an intelligent, upbeat, happy movie that is not about the comedy of embarrassment that does not have anybody rolling around in dog poop. That would rather find out how it can accomplish than what it can get away with.

[3:13] Andrew DeWolf: The plot of Spy Kids is Carmen and Judy think their parents are boring. Little did they know that in their day, Gregorio and Ingrid Cortez were top secret agents for their respective countries. They gave up that life to raise their children. Now, the disappearance of several of their old colleagues forced the Cortez's to return from retirement. What they didn't count on was Carmen and Judy joining the family business.

[3:38] Andrew DeWolf: What a wacky little film from an R-rated director. I like I am back and forth on whether or not I hate this movie or love this movie. I genuinely like it's it's like a I don't know which one it is. And I think on any given day, I would give you one or the other answer. You know, I think this movie is fun. And if you hate it, you're kind of just a shit hater. You know, like, well, who's really going to fucking shit on this movie?

[4:09] Jesse McAnally: So the movie is not very good is the thing. Like, I get what you're saying. It's fun and it is fun, and that's why I love it. But it's also not very good, which is why I don't love it. You know, what's bad about it? Like, sincerely, like for a children's movie like and I actually think this is more of a family movie than a kid's movie. I OK, there's a lot of really like she's writing that's like just not good. There's a lot of like bad, bad effects, like like very bad effects.

[4:45] Andrew DeWolf: Looking at them now, Liz, I need to know your thoughts because Andrew's the leading hate. I'm leaning love. Where do you fall?

[4:52] Liz Esten: I think I have so much nostalgia for this. I cannot properly say if it's good or bad. I think I like watch the living shit out of this one in the second one. Like so much that like every time it's on, I'm like, OK, this is good. And then I think about it like maybe it was bad. Maybe the effects are bad because all Robert Rodriguez movies have bad effects. Maybe it's good because the acting isn't that bad or maybe it's bad because Alan Cumming can't hold his accent or maybe it's good because it's like a back and forth in my brain. But I'm leaning towards good currently.

[5:29] Andrew DeWolf: I 100% agree. You know what? I remember the most when I think about this film, the marketing, OK, how does they market this?

[5:36] Liz Esten: I don't remember the marketing at all.

[5:38] Andrew DeWolf: I remember so much of the marketing this film. You could not turn on a single like even adult channel without seeing this because not only was it on Nickelodeon every other day, but they were also using it to promote the McDonald's Happy Meal, which is why we have a McDonald's product placement segment. What do you think? Your mom is right behind you.

[6:00] Andrew DeWolf: Hey, spies, you can collect one Spy Kids toy in every McDonald's Happy Meal. So today.

[6:06] Liz Esten: Oh, and I remember all these toys very well that like, like I knew exactly that they existed, I remembered each one of them. In fact, on the Spy Kids fandom, there's an entire McDonald's page because of all the fucking toys and all the games. Those toys were good.

[6:24] Andrew DeWolf: But, you know, I think I remember these.

[6:26] Liz Esten: I don't remember these at all.

[6:27] Andrew DeWolf: Might have had some of these. But you could win a Prius or child children's sunglasses or a D card digital camera. If you look inside your Spy Kids toy bag or visit www.mcdonalds.com to get a spy code. Grab your parents by squirter.

[6:46] Andrew DeWolf: It's a spy squirter. Yeah. Yes, it does.

[6:50] Liz Esten: I would like to know if Carla Gugino is one of those.

[6:57] Andrew DeWolf: Jesus Christ. Yeah. Not a children's show.

[7:02] Jesse McAnally: The cheese wheel is the time for you to realize that. I think this film is camp camp gold. Truly everything about it is great. The villain is great, and it gets progressively worse as every film goes on. But my question for you, Jess, is which villain are you referring to? Because it changes like four times.

[7:22] Andrew DeWolf: Three times. Yeah. Bloop is like the one slur from the Lorax movie. Bloop Bloop is the best character in the whole thing.

[7:34] Liz Esten: Oh great. I'm just going to throw that out there. Juni, why do you watch that show?

[7:41] Andrew DeWolf: Because it's cool. And he doesn't have any play in the sequels, which is why each one is worse.

[7:48] Liz Esten: I think he shows up like as a background, like minor role and in one of the sequels.

[7:53] Andrew DeWolf: And he does. Yeah, he does show up to like talk to Juni for a few minutes and then he's like, bye. And then we're like, bye. And then he then is gone. But like the most interesting thing about this movie is the fucking bizarre body horror that's just shoved in.

[8:06] Liz Esten: Oh my God.

[8:08] Andrew DeWolf: I know the Thumb Thumbs are technically robots, but it's go fucking scary. The floop, the floop creations are terrifying.

[8:16] Liz Esten: Horrifying. Oh my God.

[8:20] Andrew DeWolf: Wow. Describe them, because like what happens to a normal human man and how do they become a frugally? And what is a frugally? There's a lot of questions here.

[8:30] Liz Esten: So at first, the frugally are just on TV. Mr. Floop has blue glies, blue glies, blue glies, blue glies. Mr. Floop has a TV show that one of the spy kids, although we call them, we're probably going to call the spy kids, but technically the only thing that's referred to as a spy kid in the movie are the kid robots.

[8:54] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah. And they're clones. They're exact clones of real life children. Well, that was done for obvious reasons. Yeah. But one of the kids, the little boy, Junie, loves Mr. Floop and his his flu glies.

[9:12] Liz Esten: And the flu glies are these strange humanoid creations with very stretched like Play-Doh like features where it looks like their faces have been kind of mushed and their like limbs have been like mangled. And I say this intentionally because that is it's genuinely kind of scary how they look like they they are not like cute looking creations. They are they they look monstrous and they are monstrous.

[9:43] Andrew DeWolf: And how they are created, we learn later on, is they've been kidnapping secret agents and they put them into a chair and strap them with this like brain module thing. And Bloop designs there what they're going to look like and their body is just forced to be that way against their will. It's because they don't know where the third brain is. So instead of like letting him out into the world, they just make them weird monsters. And then he puts them on their show. And then even more horrifyingly, we realize that they are alive inside of these bodies that cannot speak and cannot function properly. But they are speaking in reverse and singing a song backwards that says, help us, free us.

[10:30] Andrew DeWolf: I'm sorry, Bloop is a madman. Help us, free us. And you know that cute little tuneless song the characters sing play backwards. Bloop is a madman. Help us. Save us. A cry for help. Will Bloop do that to mom and dad? Definitely. It's actually terrifying and kind of really fucked.

[10:53] Liz Esten: It's so fucking weird that it's just in the middle of this movie.

[11:00] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, it's one of those things where you would expect to see like a YouTuber making videos and theories about these things, like it's one of those type of things. It's like a you'd think it'd be like one of those fan theories. But the problem is this movie came out before all of the YouTube kids were born.

[11:17] Jesse McAnally: Well, everyone in our audience right now, this movie is probably older than you.

[11:30] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah. Have you even seen Spy Kids?

[11:35] Liz Esten: No, they've watched Spy Kids Armageddon, which released in 2023 on Netflix.

[11:39] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, with Zachary Levi. Everyone's favorite RFK Jr. supporter.

[11:45] Jesse McAnally: Oh. Oh, he also supports RFK.

[11:48] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah. That man has not had a good year. Bringing up RFK, I don't want to put any more RFK into our episodes. Just put just put just put a clip of Zachary Levi complaining that Shazam made no money instead.

[12:01] Liz Esten: Like that was like Shazam, then Harold and the Purple Crayon. And then he supported RFK. He's not had a good year is all I'm saying.

[12:11] Andrew DeWolf: Zachary Levi, I have a weird run with him because I remember we watched She Loves Me, I think, and I thought it was pretty good. And I thought he was a charming actor in it. And then I watched Shazam and I was like, wow, he's pretty good. And then it's like, oh, also, he just supports Trump. And he's an ass fuck. And it's like, oh, no.

[12:30] Liz Esten: I had a long term crush on Zachary Levi from watching Chuck as a kid. And he's like, did you know he hands out Bibles on sets? And I'm just like, why are you ruining my crushes?

[12:41] Andrew DeWolf: I did. It was on our Tangled series. Yeah, every time we brought him up, I'm like, you know, he just like a weird fundamentalist Christian, right?

[12:47] Liz Esten: Yeah. But now that he complained that Harold and the Purple Crayon isn't doing well, I have zero crush on him. So it's OK.

[12:54] Andrew DeWolf: Him in a giant pink onesie didn't like rev those engines. No, no. Also, he's gotten less hot in the years since. So, yeah.

[13:05] Liz Esten: But speaking of hot people.

[13:07] Andrew DeWolf: Carla Gugino.

[13:08] Liz Esten: Carla Gugino and Antonio Banderas peak hot in this movie. Two of the most beautiful human beings to ever be put on celluloid.

[13:17] Andrew DeWolf: OK, so there is there's like quite a few scenes that I like, but I think we should start just going through the plot. Go a little bit. All yours, sir.

[13:25] Andrew DeWolf: OK, just right away. The opening is like a spy opening, but it zooms in on a kid's window that they have the fucking nicest house in the fucking world, by the way. They're like on they're alone on a beach like it is not even just a beach like a cliffside beach. It's like, wow. But yeah, they're they're kid asked to be told a bedtime story. They want to be told the spies in love story again.

[13:52] Andrew DeWolf: And it's the parents. Basically, the mother tells the story of how the parents met. They were supposed to take each other out. And they the they chose not to. And they went on dates. I love this fucking scene because they're like they show them on the dates, but they're always like 10 miles apart. It's because they're from enemy countries. It's such a good visual gag.

[14:39] Andrew DeWolf: It's not the same as O.S.I., so it's not the Venture Brothers one.

[14:43] Jess McAnally: How many war crimes do you think they collectively committed?

[14:47] Andrew DeWolf: Oh, far too many, I'm sure.

[14:50] Jess McAnally: But that's a great gag, and obviously we know as the audience that it's all true.

[14:56] Andrew DeWolf: That that is how they actually met.

[14:58] Jess McAnally: Because that's how flashbacks work.

[15:00] Andrew DeWolf: But it wasn't a flashback, it was a story, and the kids don't know that it's real.

[15:04] Jess McAnally: So the kids are in for a rude awakening soon.

[15:08] Andrew DeWolf: We learn that Junie is getting bullied at school, and Carmen is skipping school.

[15:14] Jess McAnally: He's got warts!

[15:16] Andrew DeWolf: He has warts for some reason. He gets rid of his warts by just being less worried.

[15:20] Jess McAnally: That's not how warts work.

[15:22] Andrew DeWolf: He has warts because his hands sweat too much, because he's scared all the time.

[15:26] Jess McAnally: And now he's not scared anymore, so now he has no warts.

[15:29] Andrew DeWolf: You gotta burn those warts off, okay? I'm sorry.

[15:33] Jess McAnally: I had a huge ass wart on my fucking toe, and it gave me the biggest blister ever.

[15:39] Andrew DeWolf: And it popped when I was doing go-karts.

[15:44] Jess McAnally: I had a wart on the back of my foot, and my dad just put duct tape on it.

[15:48] Andrew DeWolf: And it was like, it'll go away eventually.

[15:50] Jess McAnally: You'd think he'd put medicine on the duct tape, but he put tape on my foot.

[15:53] Andrew DeWolf: They thought I had cancer under my arm when I was born.

[15:57] Jess McAnally: And the doctor at first was like, it'll be fine the next day.

[16:00] Andrew DeWolf: He was like, let's bring him in, let's cut it out.

[16:02] Jess McAnally: Turns out it was just a giant fucking wart.

[16:06] Andrew DeWolf: You got the genital warts under your armpit?

[16:08] Jess McAnally: Already?

[16:09] Andrew DeWolf: It was three days old!

[16:11] Jess McAnally: Damn, Jess.

[16:12] Andrew DeWolf: But I have a giant scar down my arm, like right there from where it is.

[16:16] Jess McAnally: The wart scar?

[16:20] Andrew DeWolf: It makes it look like I have a stab wound or something.

[16:23] Jess McAnally: I mean, just tell people it's a stab wound, that's cooler.

[16:25] Andrew DeWolf: Oh, sorry.

[16:26] Jess McAnally: I had a wart, and it's just like this huge...

[16:28] Andrew DeWolf: I know, I was in an alley with a guy, and he had a knife on my arm in this specific spot.

[16:34] Jess McAnally: I don't know if you know this, but as you get older, things stretch longer.

[16:38] Andrew DeWolf: So what is a tiny little cut just...

[16:41] Jess McAnally: All the way up.

[16:42] Andrew DeWolf: It was a big knife.

[16:43] Jess McAnally: So the kid puts tape or Band-Aids on his fingers, because he has warts, because he's nervous all the time, and he gets sweaty.

[16:51] Andrew DeWolf: And the parents are going to go on a secret mission.

[16:57] Jess McAnally: It's like the Incredibles, right?

[16:59] Andrew DeWolf: The parents want to get back into action.

[17:01] Jess McAnally: But without lying to your wife.

[17:04] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, without lying.

[17:06] Jess McAnally: They both go together.

[17:07] Andrew DeWolf: So it's like the Incredibles 2.

[17:09] Jess McAnally: Except they both get to go.

[17:12] Andrew DeWolf: So it's like none of the Incredibles movies.

[17:14] Jess McAnally: It's nothing like the Incredibles when you think about it.

[17:18] Andrew DeWolf: So they go on a secret mission, and the kids are getting watched by their uncle.

[17:22] Jess McAnally: But they get captured by Floop.

[17:25] Andrew DeWolf: The guy who runs the TV show that the other kid likes.

[17:28] Jess McAnally: They don't get captured by Floop.

[17:30] Andrew DeWolf: They get captured by Debbie Mazor?

[17:35] Jess McAnally: The kids do.

[17:36] Andrew DeWolf: No, the kids do not get captured.

[17:38] Jess McAnally: The parents get captured by Floop.

[17:40] Andrew DeWolf: The kids don't get captured at all.

[17:42] Jess McAnally: No, the kids are fine.

[17:44] Andrew DeWolf: They're smart.

[17:45] Jess McAnally: They're the same with their uncle.

[17:46] Andrew DeWolf: So this is my second favorite gag, okay?

[17:48] Jess McAnally: My second favorite gag comes in.

[17:50] Andrew DeWolf: Which is...

[17:52] Jess McAnally: The secret agents have fake mustaches for no fucking reason.

[17:58] Andrew DeWolf: The reveal that the uncle is a secret agent is he takes off his mustache.

[18:03] Jess McAnally: And it's like, oh shit.

[18:05] Andrew DeWolf: He's a secret agent because he has a fake mustache.

[18:08] Jess McAnally: And then the dad has a fake mustache too.

[18:12] Andrew DeWolf: But my favorite is Cheech Marin's delivery.

[18:14] Jess McAnally: First of all, I'm not your uncle.

[18:18] Andrew DeWolf: It's like, what does having a mustache have to do with that?

[18:21] Jess McAnally: And they cut to the kids and they're just like, what?

[18:23] Andrew DeWolf: What does this mean?

[18:26] Jess McAnally: It's a good gag.

[18:27] Andrew DeWolf: They never bring attention to it.

[18:31] Jess McAnally: If you were a kid, you probably wouldn't even register that that's a joke.

[18:36] Andrew DeWolf: I'm watching it and I'm like, why the fuck does he have a fake mustache?

[18:39] Jess McAnally: And then the dad does too and it's like, oh my god.

[18:42] Andrew DeWolf: Also, the other good part of this gag is he drops off the kids to get to the safe house.

[18:46] Jess McAnally: And he's going back to get more of the supplies.

[18:49] Andrew DeWolf: And as he's walking towards it, he puts back on his spy mustache so he can do spy work.

[18:54] Jess McAnally: I'm so sorry.

[18:56] Andrew DeWolf: I don't often do this.

[18:58] Jess McAnally: Can we watch this clip, please?

[19:02] Andrew DeWolf: I would love to.

[19:03] Jess McAnally: The shot of the mustache before he rips it off is just heinous.

[19:08] Andrew DeWolf: First of which is...

[19:10] Jess McAnally: I'm not your uncle.

[19:12] Andrew DeWolf: What the fuck is that?

[19:15] Jess McAnally: That was so bad.

[19:16] Andrew DeWolf: Truly peak, peak cinema here.

[19:19] Jess McAnally: Ten out of ten.

[19:21] Andrew DeWolf: How do you hate this movie?

[19:22] Jess McAnally: How do people dislike this movie?

[19:24] Andrew DeWolf: It's bad in a good way.

[19:28] Jess McAnally: I don't know.

[19:29] Andrew DeWolf: It's maybe too cheesy for its own good.

[19:31] Jess McAnally: But we'll keep going.

[19:33] Andrew DeWolf: Also, I did look up what OSS stands for.

[19:35] Jess McAnally: And it's really stupid.

[19:37] Andrew DeWolf: Organization of Super Spies.

[19:40] Jess McAnally: Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

[19:42] Andrew DeWolf: So the Organization of Super Spies.

[19:44] Jess McAnally: But in the flashback, they work for opposing countries.

[19:48] Andrew DeWolf: But then later on, it becomes more of a fantasy thing.

[19:51] Jess McAnally: Where it's like there's just a super spy organization.

[19:55] Andrew DeWolf: But before, it was more like political intrigue.

[19:58] Jess McAnally: So it's weird.

[19:59] Andrew DeWolf: It is weird.

[20:02] Jess McAnally: How old do you think Carla Gugino was when she filmed this movie?

[20:07] Andrew DeWolf: 30?

[20:09] Jess McAnally: She was 28.

[20:11] Andrew DeWolf: And she's supposed to have two 10-year-old kids.

[20:14] Jess McAnally: I'm literally turning 28 next week.

[20:16] Andrew DeWolf: And I do not have two 10-year-olds.

[20:19] Jess McAnally: Well, no one has kids anymore.

[20:20] Andrew DeWolf: I know.

[20:22] Jess McAnally: I mean, if Antonio Banderas was offering me a wedding ring, I'd let him breed me however he wants.

[20:25] Andrew DeWolf: He was probably 50 when they filmed this.

[20:29] Jess McAnally: Yeah, how old is Antonio Banderas?

[20:31] Andrew DeWolf: So let me just...

[20:34] Jess McAnally: I gotta find that.

[20:37] Andrew DeWolf: So he's about 11 years older than her.

[20:42] Jess McAnally: So he was about 41.

[20:45] Andrew DeWolf: Okay.

[20:47] Jess McAnally: You know what? Not the most ridiculous age gap in the world.

[20:50] Andrew DeWolf: No.

[20:51] Jess McAnally: It's reasonable.

[20:52] Andrew DeWolf: It's very reasonable.

[20:53] Jess McAnally: They're both pretty into their lives.

[20:56] Andrew DeWolf: Okay, keep going with the plot.

[20:58] Jess McAnally: So the kids find out their uncle isn't really their uncle.

[21:02] Andrew DeWolf: They get put into a skate pod and they get sent to a safe house.

[21:05] Jess McAnally: And then at the safe house...

[21:07] Andrew DeWolf: Well, remember, he poops in the skate pod.

[21:09] Jess McAnally: That's an important joke.

[21:10] Andrew DeWolf: That's not just that.

[21:11] Jess McAnally: That isn't important.

[21:12] Andrew DeWolf: But let's keep going.

[21:13] Jess McAnally: That's not important.

[21:14] Andrew DeWolf: But I guess if you want to list your favorite gags as well, that's fine.

[21:17] Jess McAnally: That's just the funniest moment.

[21:19] Andrew DeWolf: Junie poops.

[21:20] Jess McAnally: I wanted to bring that up because I'm pretty sure that was not what was planned on the set.

[21:26] Andrew DeWolf: And that was just a joke added in ADR.

[21:28] Jess McAnally: I'm 100% sure.

[21:30] Andrew DeWolf: No, but Junie reacts to that.

[21:31] He says, like, yeah, I know.

[21:33] Jess McAnally: I think it was all ADR'd.

[21:35] Andrew DeWolf: I don't think you see his lips.

[21:37] Jess McAnally: You only see the back of his head.

[21:39] Andrew DeWolf: So it was ADR'd.

[21:40] Jess McAnally: Yeah.

[21:41] Andrew DeWolf: It's also the only poop joke in the whole movie.

[21:44] Jess McAnally: Also, the toilet's the size of a fucking toy toilet.

[21:47] Andrew DeWolf: So how the hell do you get anything done on there?

[21:49] Jess McAnally: My god.

[21:50] Andrew DeWolf: With your knees to your tits.

[21:52] Jess McAnally: So they're at the safe house.

[21:53] Andrew DeWolf: They get their McDonald's product placement food.

[21:56] Jess McAnally: It's delicious.

[21:57] Andrew DeWolf: Yes.

[21:58] Jess McAnally: But then the OSS shows up.

[22:01] Andrew DeWolf: Or so they think.

[22:03] Jess McAnally: It turns out it's a trader person who's there to get the tiny brain.

[22:07] Andrew DeWolf: The tiny brain is the plot thing that they need to make the kid robots work.

[22:11] Jess McAnally: Because the kid robots are a thing that Floop is making.

[22:15] Andrew DeWolf: And he's trying to make kids buy robots so he can sell them to the military.

[22:20] Jess McAnally: Or whoever this guy is supposed to be.

[22:22] Andrew DeWolf: According to Wikipedia, he's a businessman.

[22:26] Jess McAnally: Businessman.

[22:27] Andrew DeWolf: Businessman wants an army.

[22:29] Jess McAnally: So he went to Floop, who is a children's show producer.

[22:32] Andrew DeWolf: I don't trust a businessman making deals with children's shows producers to have a bunch of little kids to take away.

[22:37] Jess McAnally: Not to be that guy.

[22:39] Andrew DeWolf: If any businessman went to Mr. Roger and was like, make me an army of small children, please.

[22:45] Jess McAnally: I don't trust that.

[22:47] Andrew DeWolf: Obviously.

[22:48] Jess McAnally: And I would not give him the tiny brain.

[22:51] Andrew DeWolf: That's for sure.

[22:52] Jess McAnally: He's not getting it from me.

[22:54] Andrew DeWolf: Also, Mr. Roger's army would just entirely be puppets and we require humans to run them.

[22:59] Jess McAnally: He's like, here's my little cat puppet.

[23:01] Andrew DeWolf: This'll help.

[23:03] Jess McAnally: No, all those puppets were once humans and they're trapped there at least.

[23:08] Andrew DeWolf: They're felt.

[23:12] Jess McAnally: So the woman that is sent there gets the tiny brain and her and her thumb army escape with it.

[23:19] Andrew DeWolf: But the kids chase after them.

[23:21] Jess McAnally: And they end up getting the brain back.

[23:23] Andrew DeWolf: Before it gets to Floop.

[23:25] Jess McAnally: So then Floop has to send the kid robots that look exactly like them, which I don't know why he would use the ones that look just like them when he could have used other kid robots.

[23:33] Andrew DeWolf: Because the ones that look just like them, that's going to be kind of suspicious for them, I think.

[23:39] Jess McAnally: They would be like, wow, these look exactly like me.

[23:41] Andrew DeWolf: It's kind of clever how they use it because they make them think that they're just talking to their sibling.

[23:45] Jess McAnally: It's true.

[23:46] Andrew DeWolf: The movie uses it in a good way.

[23:48] Jess McAnally: But on Floop's part, kind of a bad decision.

[23:51] Andrew DeWolf: But, you know, the movie does a good thing with it.

[23:54] Jess McAnally: Although I really fucking hate the scene where they're put on the spinny thing and spin it really fast and the kids don't even get nauseous or die or anything.

[24:03] Andrew DeWolf: Like, what the fuck?

[24:05] Jess McAnally: Wait, are those the two options? Nausea or death?

[24:08] Andrew DeWolf: Nausea or death.

[24:10] Jess McAnally: I mean, it seems like it to me.

[24:12] Andrew DeWolf: Andrew had some traumatic times at the playground is what we're learning.

[24:15] Jess McAnally: Look, if you spun that fast, you would be nauseous or die, obviously.

[24:19] Andrew DeWolf: We're not in the real world.

[24:20] Jess McAnally: We have cars that go underwater.

[24:22] Andrew DeWolf: There's literally flying robot children that appear at this playground.

[24:25] Jess McAnally: And the only person who reacts is a kid saying, I want shoes like that.

[24:30] Andrew DeWolf: This isn't the real world is all I'm trying to say.

[24:32] Jess McAnally: Yeah, this is not real.

[24:33] Andrew DeWolf: Speaking of not the real world, the kids go and meet Machete.

[24:38] Jess McAnally: Machete of the Machete film franchise.

[24:41] Andrew DeWolf: He has a spy store where he sells spy gadgets.

[24:49] Jess McAnally: The kids give him a lot of alcohol and get him absolutely wasted so they can steal all his shit.

[24:55] Andrew DeWolf: Well, not after he feeds them squid or pig intestines.

[25:00] Jess McAnally: It does come with a theme because Carmen's really embarrassed and hates her brother like all siblings do.

[25:09] Andrew DeWolf: And the Machete also hates his brother like and they like parallel.

[25:13] Jess McAnally: It's like poetry.

[25:14] Andrew DeWolf: It rhymes.

[25:15] Jess McAnally: This is a good movie for smart people.

[25:18] Andrew DeWolf: They steal all his spy shit and get on the spy plane and then go to go to Floop's place.

[25:26] Jess McAnally: During all this time, the parents have escaped from the Floop thing, but Floop knew that that was going to happen.

[25:33] Andrew DeWolf: I don't know how he's using the parents as bait for the kids so that the kids will bring them the brain or something, but they have the brain.

[25:41] Jess McAnally: I don't really know why they're keeping the parents like alive.

[25:43] Andrew DeWolf: Honestly, it doesn't really.

[25:44] Jess McAnally: Well, they want to turn Gregorio into a Floop frugal flugel.

[25:48] Andrew DeWolf: It's a fugly.

[25:50] Jess McAnally: I looked it up and I think they do.

[25:52] Andrew DeWolf: They do turn them into a flugel, but they just it's reversible.

[25:55] Jess McAnally: Yeah, Juni makes a drawing earlier in the movie and it happens to be in his pocket.

[26:01] Andrew DeWolf: So they make him look like the drawing.

[26:02] Jess McAnally: So what's this supposed to be a self-portrait?

[26:11] Andrew DeWolf: This movie's really stupid if you explain it intellectually.

[26:15] Jess McAnally: There's so much that happens at the end.

[26:17] Andrew DeWolf: But basically what the ending Floop gets betrayed by his sidekick made by Tony Shalhoub, who is the real mastermind.

[26:28] Jess McAnally: And so Floop switches sides and everyone forgives him immediately, even though, like, he clearly was in on it the whole fucking time.

[26:35] Andrew DeWolf: It's kind of fucked that he just gets away with this.

[26:37] Jess McAnally: But, you know, whatever.

[26:39] Andrew DeWolf: Fine.

[26:42] Jess McAnally: What do I need on my show?

[26:44] Andrew DeWolf: I'm definitely an American.

[26:46] Jess McAnally: You need children.

[26:48] Andrew DeWolf: We're going to go save.

[26:49] Jess McAnally: I'm going to go see my parents now.

[26:50] Andrew DeWolf: This is not good for my time.

[26:52] Jess McAnally: Floop turns all of the spy kid robots good, which fucks everything up for the bad guys.

[26:59] Andrew DeWolf: And then Machete makes amends with his brother and the two spy kids love each other and their family.

[27:06] Jess McAnally: And then at the very end, George Clooney has a pretty good gag.

[27:10] Andrew DeWolf: And then the movie ends.

[27:12] Jess McAnally: I'm going to spy kids are permanent kids.

[27:14] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah.

[27:15] Jess McAnally: They basically start the spy kids program at the OSS single handedly.

[27:20] Andrew DeWolf: Let's bring back children to labor.

[27:23] Jess McAnally: Let's put children in danger.

[27:26] Andrew DeWolf: You know what? Speaking of child labor, how about we compare our opinions?

[27:29] Jess McAnally: So those are the real critics over on Letterboxd.com.

[27:31] Andrew DeWolf: It's time for previews.

[27:34] Jess McAnally: It's time for previews.

[27:39] Andrew DeWolf: It's time for previews.

[27:41] Jess McAnally: Yeah.

[27:42] Andrew DeWolf: I got so much more to say, too.

[27:43] Jess McAnally: Okay.

[27:44] Andrew DeWolf: Well, the second half is this.

[27:45] Jess McAnally: Yeah.

[27:46] Andrew DeWolf: That's why we have a second half of the show.

[27:47] Jess McAnally: We spent so long in the first half trying to summarize it.

[27:50] Andrew DeWolf: I think it's good use of our time.

[27:52] Jess McAnally: Yeah.

[27:53] Andrew DeWolf: Andrew, Liz, I did not prep this.

[27:57] Jess McAnally: I guess this is just to be free balled.

[28:00] Andrew DeWolf: But already I've seen some of the most unhinged shit on my entire life.

[28:04] Jess McAnally: So I think this will be fine.

[28:06] Andrew DeWolf: Okay.

[28:07] Jess McAnally: For those of you just listening to this as your first episode, this is a game where I find real Letterboxd reviews and read them to Andrew and Liz, and they go head-to-head to figure out whether they're a one-star or five-star based on nothing but the review alone.

[28:19] Andrew DeWolf: Okay.

[28:21] Jess McAnally: I wanted to be Carmen so bad as a kid, dude. Anyway, there were no signs this movie rules.

[28:29] Andrew DeWolf: Oh, jeez. You got me with the unhinged comment because this is a clear five stars.

[28:33] Jess McAnally: But now I'm like, wait.

[28:34] Andrew DeWolf: We're going to go five, though.

[28:36] Jess McAnally: I didn't say five.

[28:37] Andrew DeWolf: That was a one.

[28:38] Jess McAnally: I didn't get it either.

[28:39] Andrew DeWolf: What the hell?

[28:40] Jess McAnally: Motherfucker.

[28:41] Andrew DeWolf: That's like, that was a clear five-star review.

[28:44] Jess McAnally: But okay.

[28:45] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, I agree.

[28:46] Jess McAnally: It's just using gremlin logic to figure out what people are saying.

[28:50] Andrew DeWolf: This review was from our good friend Big Beak, and it's an incredible review.

[28:56] Jess McAnally: Ten out of ten review. Can't even fault it.

[28:58] Liz Esten: Yes.

[29:00] Jess McAnally: There's a crate in the background of Machete's shop marked Destination Syria.

[29:04] Andrew DeWolf: Gregorio was pissed at him for selling chemical weapons to Al-Assad.

[29:09] Jess McAnally: The lore.

[29:10] Andrew DeWolf: The lore of this movie.

[29:11] Jess McAnally: A five.

[29:13] Andrew DeWolf: That was a five.

[29:17] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah?

[29:18] Liz Esten: Bloop is a madman, help us, save us!

[29:20] Andrew DeWolf: Uh, five. That's a deep cut, that's a deep cut. Five.

[29:22] Liz Esten: That is a one! Liz, you're kickin' ass!

[29:25] Andrew DeWolf: Motherfucker! Holy shit!

[29:27] Liz Esten: How am I winning?

[29:29] Andrew DeWolf: Um... Liz...

[29:32] Liz Esten: Yeah, I'm ready.

[29:34] Andrew DeWolf: Me and my wife, in parentheses, the parents.

[29:37] Liz Esten: Okay, say that one more time. You skipped it.

[29:40] Andrew DeWolf: Me and my wife, in parentheses, the parents.

[29:45] Liz Esten: The parents. What?

[29:47] Andrew DeWolf: The parents. Uh, one.

[29:49] Liz Esten: That is correct! Andrew.

[29:51] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah?

[29:53] Liz Esten: Changing my major to spy.

[29:55] Andrew DeWolf: It's gotta be a five. It's gotta be a five.

[29:58] Liz Esten: That is correct! Oh, thank God.

[30:01] Andrew DeWolf: Oh my God. Um, Liz.

[30:03] Liz Esten: Yes?

[30:05] Andrew DeWolf: The other two Spy Kids I've watched too much so this one was good.

[30:10] Liz Esten: So you've watched Spy Kids, Island of Lost Dreams, and Game Over too much, so this one good.

[30:15] Andrew DeWolf: As a Spy Kids 2 defender, I am offended.

[30:19] Liz Esten: Um, five.

[30:21] Andrew DeWolf: That is a one! Damn!

[30:23] Liz Esten: Andrew. Yep?

[30:27] Andrew DeWolf: I wish I was that choker around Carla Cugino's neck.

[30:30] Liz Esten: Oh my God!

[30:32] Andrew DeWolf: Um, it's gotta be five. Again, it's gotta be five.

[30:36] Liz Esten: That is correct! And you guys are tied!

[30:38] Andrew DeWolf: Oh, let's do one more round.

[30:40] Liz Esten: Oh, five.

[30:42] Andrew DeWolf: Um, Andrew. Yeah?

[30:44] Liz Esten: Okay, there's two more. There's two more good ones.

[30:46] Andrew DeWolf: Um, Junie sucks so much.

[30:48] Liz Esten: After Carmen falls to death, he just vibes with a floop.

[30:52] Andrew DeWolf: You know, honestly, I was thinking about that. Like, straight up, he has no idea if she's alive. Like, he's just like, whatever.

[30:58] Liz Esten: Whatever she did.

[31:00] Andrew DeWolf: Um, so, I'm gonna go one. I think one.

[31:02] Liz Esten: That is correct!

[31:04] Andrew DeWolf: That is, um, I guess this is for the tie as well.

[31:06] Liz Esten: Okay.

[31:08] Andrew DeWolf: That one dude saying, I snap my fingers and my fingers snap you as literal fucking fingers walk out is a top time film moment for me.

[31:16] Liz Esten: You need to watch more movies, my friend.

[31:18] Andrew DeWolf: Um, five.

[31:20] Liz Esten: It's a good line, to be fair.

[31:22] Andrew DeWolf: That was a one!

[31:24] Liz Esten: And Andrew, you have won the Letterboxd game today!

[31:26] Andrew DeWolf: Dang!

[31:28] Liz Esten: I, honestly, after getting those first two wrong, I thought I didn't stand a fucking chance.

[31:32] Andrew DeWolf: You know, I got close. So, I'll take it. I'll take the loss.

[31:36] Liz Esten: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking of getting close, how about we go into a mid-show and then talk about edging?

[31:50] Andrew DeWolf: Hey guys! Sorry to interrupt you in the middle of the show, but we've got a show out of you! Today's show is brought to you by the extremely kind donations by our donors over at Patreon. Andrew, tell us about Patreon, what's going on there, and tell us about the show.

[32:02] Andrew DeWolf: Oh man, you can go to Patreon if you want to support us financially and keep the show rolling. We also offer perks and just a lot of cool stuff. You know?

[32:16] Andrew DeWolf: One of our perks is that you can listen to our show live, which at least one person is doing right now, and leave comments as we're doing it. You can also you can do show requests and we do a patron-selected episode at least once a month. So that's always good as well. You'll also get your name listed in the mid-show, which I'll read all of our current patrons right now.

[32:42] Andrew DeWolf: Our current patrons are Jessa Stampede, Ewan Cassidy, Monica Theroux, Brent Black, Nathaniel Stacey-Kuhn, Mary Lou Choquette, John Van Als, Russ Walker, Musical Hell, Emily Gracie, Janay C, Scootinetech Color Dreamcoat, Nothing is Certain Except Nathan Taxes, John Van Als, Thezbian, Chi Teacup, Chris Marcotte, Keisha Marie Anastasio, Trevi Joseph, R.J. Noriega, Julia McLannan, Joe, Bjorn Hermans, Toriana Frazier, Sammy the Adequate of Mt. Jacobson, Kaylee Blazier, Villainous Miss, The Omega Geek, Paige Pearson, Maddy Wargill, Eliza Erdman, Annalos Katova, Evan Ball, Zachary Torres, Rora Moraso, Mara, Lisa L., Possessed Washing Machine, Nick Roten, Puffyboy, Sidney Hicks, Billy Clifton, Goldplated Kikimora, Ari Ardy, Emma, Kara Balda, JRL Studios, Alexandra Dom, and B.T. McMenemy.

[33:36] Andrew DeWolf: These motherfuckers give us money that it makes it so that we aren't poor and that I can pay Andrew and Liz, uh, I don't know, not a livable wage, but certainly more than zero dollars. Um, um, how about we get back to the show?

[33:48] Liz Esten: 🎵

[33:50] Andrew DeWolf: 🎵

[33:52] Liz Esten: 🎵

[33:54] Andrew DeWolf: 🎵

[33:56] Liz Esten: Which spy kid is the good spy kid? Like, which one did you like, aspire to be when you were younger?

[34:02] Andrew DeWolf: Um, I think I just always pictured myself as Junie just because it was the boy. I was kind of boring in that way.

[34:10] Liz Esten: Do you also want to have sex with Meghan Trainor?

[34:12] Andrew DeWolf: No. Is she really all about that base? Well, not anymore. She lost a lot of, she actually lost quite a bit of weight, so she's not all about that base anymore. Yeah.

[34:22] Liz Esten: Well, I guess she is some size too that can still shake it shake it like she's supposed to do. Yeah.

[34:28] Andrew DeWolf: Um, I always wanted to be Carmen. Carmen was always the cool one, but watching it this time around, Carmen fucks up every situation she's in. She never makes the right choice in any, any situation. And Junie's like, you know, this shit's looking pretty whack. She's like, shut up. You don't know nothing. You're just a little brother.

[34:46] Liz Esten: To be fair, that is kind of her arc.

[34:48] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah. That's the kind of point of her character. At the end, she kind of accepts that she was wrong and gives him the credit that he deserves.

[34:56] Liz Esten: Agreed. But that's the reason why I liked it as like, uh, uh, cause every time you watch other movies, the little sibling is always the one that fucks up and like, oopsie doodle, I fucked up. Um, and in this one, it's always the older sibling that refuses to admit they're wrong.

[35:12] Andrew DeWolf: It is great. Now, to be fair, the little sibling does also fuck up in this, but...

[35:20] Liz Esten: Yeah, they both fuck up.

[35:22] Andrew DeWolf: I feel like Carmen more than Junie.

[35:24] Liz Esten: No, but they both fuck up because they literally have no idea what they're doing because they're literal children.

[35:30] Andrew DeWolf: Actually, they're the best spies in the agency. Apparently they're the best field agents the OSS have ever seen, which means the OSS is a really bad spy organization, but that's a different discussion.

[35:40] Liz Esten: Look, we've seen their other spy work. They all got captured by a children's show and turned into children's show creatures. You got rescued by your eight-year-old son? Jesus Christ.

[35:50] Andrew DeWolf: Alright, I want to do a favorite gags rundown because I got a couple more, I think. And I'm sure you guys have some. I got one. But here, I'll just go first.

[36:00] Liz Esten: Yep.

[36:02] Andrew DeWolf: Um, the part where the dad is one millisecond away from killing the crossing guard with his car when he's looking at a picture and watching TV in his car and he stops at the last moment and then he's just like sorry. Like that makes up for it.

[36:20] Liz Esten: Bro, you were like barreling full speed in a school zone watching TV and looking at a picture.

[36:26] Andrew DeWolf: He's just straight up, he's almost like he's just almost ran through a crosswalk and killed somebody. And probably children behind her.

[36:34] Liz Esten: You know what? You know what? I feel like we should talk about that. I think we should talk about the scene where he fantasizes about murdering another person's dad.

[37:06] Andrew DeWolf: Nice dolls. Here, let me see the dolls. Have a good day, son. Show them who's boss.

[37:16] Liz Esten: Can I help you with something?

[37:18] Andrew DeWolf: Macho.

[37:36] Liz Esten: I see.

[37:50] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah! That's right after that scene. That's right immediately afterwards. The kid, the little kid, Juni gets out and gets bullied and the dad's just like, you know what? I want to go in here and just throw this other kid's dad through the fucking window.

[38:10] Liz Esten: Everybody in the whole train clapped and it was beautiful.

[38:12] Andrew DeWolf: He was like one of those angry Reddit posts.

[38:14] Liz Esten: Honestly, some of the gags are kind of peak. Some of them are kind of peak.

[38:18] Andrew DeWolf: Liz, what about you? Any fun gags that you liked?

[38:24] Liz Esten: Honestly, my favorite is the mustache one with the uncle. But if I had to pick another one, I'd probably be really dumb one. It's during the montage where they're trying to get to the safe house and Carmen's fully passed out and Juni's just taking a dump doing whatever. But every time they do a cut to a different time, Carmen's in a totally different weird sleeping position. She's never in the same spot and I just kind of found that funny.

[39:04] Andrew DeWolf: She keeps moving even though she's asleep the whole time.

[39:06] Liz Esten: People do that, but she's sleeping on a console. That's hilarious. I found that funny. It also sums up the way that siblings are where I would rather be fucking passed out than deal with your ass. That's such a mood for car rides and shit like that. I was Juni but I wanted to be Carmen.

[39:20] Andrew DeWolf: Last one for me, I think.

[39:22] Liz Esten: I haven't even given one.

[39:24] Andrew DeWolf: I thought yours was the dad killing scene.

[39:26] Liz Esten: No, that was just me thinking about that scene.

[39:30] Andrew DeWolf: My favorite dumb gag is one that goes across all three movies which is that weird thing that they pick up with all the spitting lights and Terry Hatcher's like, you don't even know what those things are. I know they're heavy. In all three movies they pick those things up and they don't get to use them and we never find out what they're used for and it bothered me since I was a kid.

[39:54] Liz Esten: I think it's kind of obvious what they're used for.

[39:56] Andrew DeWolf: What are they?

[39:58] Liz Esten: Oh, I'm not going to tell you. It's a secret.

[40:00] Andrew DeWolf: It's an OSS secret. Andrew's a secret agent. It's a spy thing, dude. Andrew's actually an agent. If you don't already know what it does then I mean, you're kind of lost, bro.

[40:10] Andrew DeWolf: I keep getting rejected from spy kid camp.

[40:16] Liz Esten: Okay, okay. I think this one's probably a lot of people's favorite but I'm just throwing it in there. The Floop Song. Written by Danny Elfman.

[40:24] Andrew DeWolf: Oh, the Floop Song.

[40:26] Liz Esten: Fucking peak, dude.

[40:28] Andrew DeWolf: So weird.

[40:30] Liz Esten: So creepy. How did that get in here?

[40:34] Andrew DeWolf: It just snuck in. It snuck in the back door. Here it is.

[40:40] Liz Esten: Okay, let's just take a listen.

[40:44] Andrew DeWolf: We got indulge. It's literally called Cruel World I'm pretty sure.

[40:50] Liz Esten: It is, yeah.

[40:52] Andrew DeWolf: It's a cruel, cruel world, all you little boys and girls and some mean, nasty people want to have you for their supper but if you follow me you can all be free, free you can all be free as a bird on a big TV if you dream, if you dream, if you dream, my dream full of nasty boys and girls, full of selfish, mean, nasty people, nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty but there's a way you can make it someday, you can laugh, you can smile, you can come and stay awhile you can dream my dream, you can have it all with me, you can dream my dream, you can dream my dream you can dream my dream.

[41:38] Liz Esten: It's the children's film. It's such a mean-spirited song.

[41:40] Andrew DeWolf: This looks like, like post Alice in Wonderland, Tim Burton films. Just a CG nightmare.

[41:48] Liz Esten: No, it looks like Sharkboy and Lava Girl.

[41:50] Andrew DeWolf: No, that's good though.

[41:52] Liz Esten: No, it's not. Fuck you.

[41:56] Andrew DeWolf: Um...

[41:58] Liz Esten: That's good shit right there.

[42:00] Andrew DeWolf: The fact that they got Danny Elfman to write the most Danny Elfman song of all time, just for that small little gag. Perfection.

[42:08] Liz Esten: And they have a song in the second one that's just nowhere near as good. I feel like these movies fall off really hard.

[42:16] Andrew DeWolf: They do. I guess we could talk briefly about some of the sequels, because I've seen Spy Kids 3D a lot.

[42:20] Liz Esten: I have too.

[42:22] Andrew DeWolf: A lot. I owned it on DVD. I lost the 3D glasses that came with it, but I do have it.

[42:28] Liz Esten: That's the one that I actually really watched, and I had a video game of Spy Kids 3D. I had the copy of the video game, and I drew my own cover for it.

[42:42] Andrew DeWolf: That's so cute!

[42:44] Liz Esten: I don't know why, but I did. I have no idea where that is now. It's probably somewhere.

[42:48] Andrew DeWolf: Oh, God.

[42:50] Liz Esten: That's adorable. Could you redraw it right now?

[42:54] Andrew DeWolf: If I gave you a pencil?

[42:56] Liz Esten: No, it was like a recreation of the logo.

[42:58] Andrew DeWolf: I mean, was it on Game Boy Advance or PC?

[43:02] Liz Esten: PC.

[43:04] Andrew DeWolf: They didn't even make it to console.

[43:08] Liz Esten: I mean, they might have made it to console. I had a PC version.

[43:12] Andrew DeWolf: I think I had it for the Mac.

[43:14] Liz Esten: Oh, if it runs on Mac, that's bad.

[43:16] Andrew DeWolf: It looks bad, this video game. I'm not even going to lie. It looks pretty rough.

[43:20] Liz Esten: I think it was shit.

[43:24] Andrew DeWolf: I think it was kind of trash.

[43:26] Liz Esten: I think it was shit.

[43:30] Andrew DeWolf: I don't know. I know the second one has some moments, but there's also a scene where Haley Joel Osment's sister winds up in camel poop.

[43:38] Liz Esten: You mean Lily from Hannah Montana?

[43:40] Andrew DeWolf: Fuck you.

[43:44] Liz Esten: Sure.

[43:46] Andrew DeWolf: Gertie giggles to quote her Christian name given to her by that movie.

[43:50] Liz Esten: Fucking stupid name.

[43:54] Andrew DeWolf: I think the first one's peak, the second one's last peak, and the third one is an insult to your eyes. It burns your eyes. It does. The second one has a lot of stuff going on with like, isn't there like skeletons and stuff? Yeah, there's a Harryhausen tribute. There's like human-animal hybrids and Steve Buscemi is weird. That's the one with the quote everyone likes though. Yeah. Yeah. That's the one with the, maybe God stays in heaven because he too is ashamed of what he's created or something like that. Yeah. Or afraid of what he's created. Something like that. I do want to say that the reason why the first two work for me and the third, they fridge Alexa Peña Vega's fucking character so hard in the third one, where it's like, oh, your sister's kidnapped. You got to save her. Can't be in this movie more than 10 minutes, but we're going to put her all over the posters.

[44:49] Jess McAnally: Yeah. She's like barely in it, isn't she?

[44:54] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah. She's done most of the movie in kidnapping by Sylvester Stallone's many terrible personalities. I'm too famous at this point to be in this movie. Don't you know I'm going to be in Repo, the genetic opera? Yeah. I will cast you, Daryl Sabara. But she had to appear because it's Spy Kids and she's one of the Spy Kids. I wish I could say more about this, but there's fun character actors. I think the CGI horror kind of works to its benefit here, where in a lot of other things they would be really distracting. And Carla Gugino is fucking hot.

[45:34] Liz Esten: Yeah, but you can say that about like the Mike Flanagan stuff she works on. That's like not even a compliment towards that specifically.

[45:38] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, but those are really sad.

[45:46] Jess McAnally: Yeah, but follow the House of Usher slaps. You should watch it.

[45:52] Andrew DeWolf: One day I will. Maybe. I don't know. I love the girl in Poe. Andrew, is there anything else you want to say before we wrap this on up?

[45:57] Andrew DeWolf: No, I think I've said a lot. I feel like Spy Kids is a movie that you have to see to believe. Like, it's a movie that doesn't exist, you know?

[46:04] Jess McAnally: No, it very much does.

[46:12] Andrew DeWolf: It exists, but it doesn't. It's not a real movie. This is a fake movie that I refuse to believe is real. Okay, what's your overall Thoughts on Cheese rating then?

[46:25] Jess McAnally: Jesus Christ. Okay. What the fuck? What are you so mad about, man?

[46:28] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, why are you mad at him?

[46:34] Jess McAnally: That was a very baffling summation. I don't know. I'm still unpacking it. I can't handle it.

[46:39] Liz Esten: Are you two fighting?

[46:39] Jess McAnally: Jess is just angry. He's an angry guy. He's just mad.

[46:46] Andrew DeWolf: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is where I have to say a confession. My parents were kidnapped by the kids TV show host, and Thumbs Thumbs are currently breaking into my house, and I don't know how to emotionally deal with that in a professional way.

[46:56] Liz Esten: Do you have a sibling you can fight them with?

[46:56] Andrew DeWolf: No. No, he doesn't.

[47:05] Liz Esten: Oh, he doesn't? He's an only child, sadly.

[47:05] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah. So really, I'm scared, and I need the spy kids to save me.

[47:12] Jess McAnally: Well, I have their number. I'll call them.

[47:17] Andrew DeWolf: I'm sorry, Jess, but this is a fake movie. They're not real.

[47:17] Jess McAnally: Okay, can I talk about one thing that I really meant to was like a big thing in my childhood?

[47:25] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah.

[47:25] Jess McAnally: Back in the olden days, when you actually had to buy CDs, even if you didn't like every song by that artist, and you just liked one song, you had to buy the whole fucking CD. My mom would use Napster and buy old songs and make albums for us, and there was this rock cover theme song for the spy kids that my brother would listen to a metric fuckton, and so it's just in my brain, and I just need to share it with you guys, if that's all right.

[47:57] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah.

[47:57] Liz Esten: Yeah, sure.

[47:57] Andrew DeWolf: And they did one of these songs for every movie.

[48:03] Jess McAnally: Yeah. Stay close, I know that you're with me. Get down and stay out of sight. So quick, move like a flash, then we're gone, you'll see. Spy kids are gonna save the world. Fly high, it's time to save the world. Kids were gonna save the world.

[48:27] Andrew DeWolf: I've never heard this.

[48:34] Liz Esten: Yeah, me either.

[48:34] Andrew DeWolf: Spy. This is terrible. They're gonna save the world. I think, in my brain, this gets confused with the Powerpuff Girls theme song, and I'm like convinced of the same thing.

[48:50] Jess McAnally: Visit the band Fonda on MySpace.

[48:50] Andrew DeWolf: Well, don't mind if I do.

[48:55] Jess McAnally: Yeah, let's go.

[48:55] Andrew DeWolf: Um, would you believe that the Spy Kids song is not there?

[49:00] Liz Esten: Yeah, this is their top tracks.

[49:05] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, the top tracks. Go to all of them.

[49:05] Liz Esten: Yeah. I don't know how any of this works. MySpace is scary, guys. I can't believe this is still real. How is MySpace still a thing? Am I still friends with Tom? What a wild section of the internet.

[49:22] Andrew DeWolf: For once, I feel like my friend Goldplate and Kiki Moore are in agreement. Truly unholy.

[49:30] Andrew DeWolf: Um, Andrew, what is your overall thoughts and your cheese rating?

[49:34] Andrew DeWolf: You know, Spy Kids is a trip. I still, I don't know, there's like so many things that I like about this movie, but it still leaves this feeling where I'm just, the whole time I'm watching it, I'm like, is this real? Like, did they actually make this? I don't know. I don't know what it is. It's just like, I refuse to accept it as reality, but it is extremely fucking cheesy. It's extremely fucking campy. Um, the, the floops, the, the flug, flug, flugermites, the, what the fuck were they? The fluglies are the scariest fucking thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. Um, so overall, I think, I think it's something that everyone should watch. Literally everyone should drop whatever they're doing and watch fucking Spy Kids if you've not seen it, which I know you haven't because you were all born in 2005 and this movie came out in 2001. So, you know, go watch Spy Kids. Alan Cummings hot in it.

[50:43] Jess McAnally: Yeah, he's kind of hot.

[50:43] Andrew DeWolf: And as far as a cheese goes, um, I'm gonna have to give this, you know, a good old fashioned children's favorite cheese, um, which is a, a macaroni and cheese. But I think I want to use, like, for the noodle, something a little fucked. Like a, like a, like a bow tie noodle or something like that. Like something that shouldn't be mac and cheese because I feel like there's just so much fucked shit just in this children's movie that that needs to be in there. You know, that's, that's, that's my statement.

[51:20] Jess McAnally: All right, I won't quote you on that.

[51:20] Liz Esten: Uh, this movie is a trip. Uh, it's, you should watch it to believe it. I think this in combination with Courage of the Cowardly Dog made me love body horror as an adult and I'm pretty sure that's true. Uh, this, it's, it's a wild movie. You should all watch it. It's a lot of fun. It's really fucking stupid. It's only 90 minutes. Um, good time, especially if you just want to brain rot for a while. Um, it's really, it truly is brain rot. It's kind of astounding. Um, also it's the same, these movies take place in the Machete universe, which is such a trip to think about. So anyway, I'm going to give it a chicken quesadilla in a cafeteria.

[52:02] Andrew DeWolf: Good choices. Good choices.

[52:11] Liz Esten: Um, I would like to take back to a review from, uh, 2001 from a critic named Mark Dujsilk. Um, and he says, if there's one thing Spy Kids doesn't lack, it's imagination. It's the kind of movie that shows kids doing things most kids would love to do. It's full of neat gadgets, strange characters, evil villains, world travel, and funny moments. You know, the kind of stuff you wanted to have as a kid. For example, who wouldn't want a jet pack at a young age? Who wouldn't want to drive a sleek motorboat? Who wouldn't want to fly a tiny jet plane? Who wouldn't want to save the day? And you know what? That energy is kind of what I bring to this. Um, that is from the website Mark Reviews Movies. He is still reviewing movies to this day, 23 years later, and has a full 11 patrons on his Patreon.

Um, so go follow him if you're interested. Um, it is a kind of child fulfillment fantasy, and it's a good time. And if you've got a children, maybe, maybe watch it with them and just see, um, in a very, uh, rainbow carding kind of way to see if you can live your childhood through their eyes a little bit. Um, and the only cheese rating I can give this is a McDonald's cheeseburger happy meal with the Spy Kids toys!

[53:28] Andrew DeWolf: Of course, someone had to.

[53:35] Liz Esten: Yeah. I mean, none of us did a Big Mac in retrospect. Because they give you all the- and be sure to get your Big Macs on the way home. Kids, on your way home from seeing Spy Kids, I bet that Big Mac made you want a Big Mac, didn't it? Get your Big Mac, don't forget all your McDonald's. It won't clog your arteries. It is not bad to market these to kids. We're definitely real food. Uh.

[54:00] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, seeing the old McDonald's fry cup was a weird moment of nostalgia for me. I'm like, I remember that. I remember when it used to look like that. My arteries remember that vaguely.

[54:07] Liz Esten: Yeah.

[54:11] Andrew DeWolf: Um, but what do your arteries remember? Um, I don't know. How about we spin the wheel and figure out what we're covering next week? Does that sound like a good plan for all of y'all?

[54:16] Jess McAnally: It's a fucking plan, that's for sure. That's how we end all our episodes, so that is a plan. We definitely don't forget and then throw it in at the last minute. That has never happened before.

[54:21] Andrew DeWolf: Never forget, we're under 10 episodes in.

[54:28] Jess McAnally: All right, bring in the wheel!

[54:32] Andrew DeWolf: Oh my god, there it is! It gets bigger every week. Do you keep making it bigger, Jess? You need to stop making it bigger.

[54:37] Jess McAnally: I fluff it a bit, and you know, just to show it off. Do we have a budget for that?

[54:43] Andrew DeWolf: Oh, that's where your Patreon money's going.

[54:43] Jess McAnally: Um, I think we're gonna finally get an adult movie, you know, that's for adults.

[54:48] Andrew DeWolf: Um, what do we think is gonna land on next week?

[54:48] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, something more serious.

[54:54] Jess McAnally: Porn!

[54:54] Andrew DeWolf: Oh, did someone put porn on their list?

[54:59] Liz Esten: I added a little bit. I watched some last night and I was just infatuated.

[55:04] Andrew DeWolf: Damn it, Andrew! It was step-siblings and aunties, so let's see how it works.

[55:11] Liz Esten: Wow.

[55:11] Andrew DeWolf: I added a face-sitting fart video, so it's okay.

[55:16] Liz Esten: A face-sitting fart video?

[55:16] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, I added one of those. Kate farts the movie. There's a lot to say.

[55:24] Jess McAnally: There's a lot to say about face-sitting fart videos.

[55:28] Andrew DeWolf: Well, let's see what we land on, and we're spinning! Look at it go.

[55:33] Andrew DeWolf: Wow. Oh, there it is! What is it? It's one of mine, and it is the classic film Citizen Kane, directed by Orson Welles.

[55:41] Jess McAnally: Wow, two classics in a row.

[55:41] Andrew DeWolf: Of equal quality. Very equal.

[55:47] Liz Esten: How long is Citizen Kane?

[55:47] Andrew DeWolf: Citizen Kane is like 90 minutes. It's not a long movie.

[55:53] Jess McAnally: It's basically a short film at this point.

[55:58] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, it's a short film.

[56:06] Andrew DeWolf: It's shorter than Ant-Man and the Wasp.

[56:12] Jess McAnally: It is, which is so funny to think about.

[56:19] Andrew DeWolf: It is a good film, and it's one of my favorites of all time. Maybe I'm just a simp for Orson Welles, who knows? I'm so excited to talk about this and explain to you guys, and neither of you have seen it, right?

[56:30] Liz Esten: I watched it before Manc came out, and then I never watched Manc, so you know.

[56:37] Andrew DeWolf: Manc is a bad film. Citizen Kane lives up to the hype. But I spent like two and a half years, and I don't remember anything about Citizen Kane. Manc can suck my ass, but Citizen Kane, perfect movie in the same way that all good films should be, and I can't wait to talk about it. So put on your Orson Welles t-shirts and get your Orson Welles Happy Meal, and we'll have a good time.

[56:57] Jess McAnally: What would be an Orson Welles Happy Meal toy?

[56:57] Andrew DeWolf: Um, food.

[56:59] Jess McAnally: Just food.

[57:01] Andrew DeWolf: Just more food.

[57:05] Jess McAnally: Ah, the French wine.

[57:09] Andrew DeWolf: Thank you guys for listening. If you're enjoying the show, why don't you leave us a review on iTunes? You got it on your hand. Or leave us a comment on Spotify. I keep forgetting that's a thing that people can do. Just let us know what you're enjoying and what you're not enjoying. If you got a few extra bucks a month, why don't you come join us over at Patreon? Currently, Patreon's enacting a lot of things that are making it really hard for us to keep afloat here, so the more, the merrier over there, is what we always say.

[57:20] Jess McAnally: We love you, Patreon and Apple. We love you.

[57:22] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, thanks, Apple.

[57:24] Jess McAnally: Everything's great. This show has been edited by Andrew DeWolf, and I think he's doing a good job. Our theme song was written by Andrew DeWolf and orchestrated by Jesse McAnally. Our keeper of the cheese is Juliet Antonio. Thank you to the Broadway Podcast Network for having us on the platform and for not kicking us off for talking so much shit about McDonald's. I know that's, like, your favorite place in the world. Anything else we have left to say?

[57:48] Andrew DeWolf: We love you, and don't get kidnapped by the flu.

[57:51] Jess McAnally: Yeah, I hope your parents don't get kidnapped. And if they do, I hope you're an awesome spy.

[57:57] Andrew DeWolf: Oh no, the Thumb Thumbs are breaking into my house!

[58:00] Jess McAnally: Aw, shit!

[58:00] Andrew DeWolf: Bye, kids! They're gonna save the world!

[58:05] Jess McAnally: Jess will not appear in the next episode.

[58:08] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah. Sadly, I will be replaced by Brent Black, who has nothing to say about Citizen Kane.

[58:12] Liz Esten: I don't know, it was pretty good!

[58:14] Andrew DeWolf: It's a movie, and then we'll be all like, It's a movie, and that's the episode!

[58:18] Jess McAnally: It is the most movie movie of all time. Um, we'll see you next time, kids.