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[0:00] Michael Fatica: You're listening to The Ensemblist, the only podcast that shows you Broadway from the inside out. Welcome, I'm Michael Fatica. We are in the midst of an unprecedented time right now. As artists, we thrive on human interaction, community, and togetherness. With all of that stripped away, it has been difficult for many of us to find ways to be creative, to find ways to have hope that the theater industry will rise again. This industry we love so much has its ups and its downs, its difficult struggles, and its moments of pure joy. I spoke with three talented Ensemblists and, more importantly, excellent humans, about what they miss most about one night in the grind of an eight-show week. Taurean Everett recounts his time at The Cher Show, Keely Beirne about her time in the late Frozen on Broadway, and Camden Gonzales remembers life on the road with Hamilton. To our beloved theater industry, we miss you, and please come back soon.

[1:26] Taurean Everett: So I'm walking down the street to the theater, and I can see the marquee in the distance. It says Neil Simon, and I notice this feeling of pride and achievement and importance at the fact that I'm in a fun Broadway show, while at the same time feeling humbled and grounded at the fact that none of the strangers who are packed on the sidewalk with me know that they're about to watch me. I miss the gratification of walking past a patron and entering my stage door. I miss everyone. I miss walking in the door and seeing our awesome security folk and signing in and seeing the dressers and, you know, the house guys and walking past stage management and company management and our residence office and walking down the long hallway to our dressing room, the girls' dressing room, and, you know, you just see everyone along the way, and I think I miss that the most, just the people.

So I'm walking through the stage door and I say hello to the door person, and I look to see if there are any packages on the landing of the stairs that have been left for me, even though I'm expecting absolutely nothing. So why am I looking for packages that I'm not expecting? I don't know. I guess it made me feel important. And from there, I literally start taking each stair one at a time up to the boys' dressing room, which is at what feels like the top of the Eiffel Tower. I get to the dressing room that I'm sharing with the men's ensemble. I collectively acknowledge everyone, and I sit at my station to rest my legs that I've just burned out from those damn stairs. And usually the energy of the room would be so easy to read, so I knew immediately if we were on low battery mode or if we were fully charged. Wow, I just made us sound like we were hosting the Westworld.

[3:41] Keely Beirne: I miss putting on my lipstick before the show, doing a terrible job, having to take it all off and do it all over again. We used to call it drunk lipstick. We in the girls' dressing room had an inside joke because someone misspelled the word grateful in an Instagram post, and they said gateful. And so it became tradition to say gateful on your way out of the dressing room every show, and I miss gateful. What I miss is definitely our pre-dance party, as they're calling places for the top of show, and half of us are half-dressed in our costumes, shaking our butts and jumping up and down, trying to get our energy up for, let's say, a middle school-filled Wednesday matinee that'll only be inevitably held because they have to fill all the school buses of children into seats, which is fine because then we get to connect with each other backstage right before the top of show.

Places then is called, but at this point I'm usually already backstage warming up and or enjoying conversation with the people who are around me. I miss hearing the end of the pre-show announcement and being super excited for the show and also simultaneously stressed out because your legs hurt from a two-show day and hoping that you can make it through the whole thing.

[5:20] Camden Gonzales: I miss the opening orchestrations and the curtain coming up. The downbeat hits, and I put on my last bits of costume. I'd shake my body out, and I can hear myself in my head saying, oh, here we go, girl, you know, and it's mixed with excitement and maybe a bit of dread. Most of the excitement and the dread comes from just knowing what I'm about to put my body through, and that then brings this feeling of this surge of nerves that sort of vibrate through my body right up until it's time for my entrance. At that point, I take a breath, I exhale, and then it's go time. There's no going back from here. I miss seeing children in the audience in awe because that was me. So then act one comes and goes like clockwork, and of course, act one is interspersed with small conversations or moments of cleaning up the tea that we spilled in the pre-show warm-up or even getting extra workout reps in in preparation for the naked-ass costumes that we're about to wear.

I miss all the worked-in bits we've created on and off stage. I miss creating harmonies with the performers who are on stage as we're backstage doing a quick change. I miss people's scares that leave me on the ground laughing hysterically. I miss the line flubs and the blank outs and whatever improv comes of those or the recovery or lack thereof. I miss celebrating the incredible swings who do mid-show swing-ons and cut shows and change partners and can do it all at the drop of a hat. I miss being backstage in between numbers with one of our gals in the show and we each had the same PT foam roller type thing that was brutal but it was the only thing that got us through the show and we named them Weapons of Mass Destruction and I miss Weapons of Mass Destruction.

[7:35] Keely Beirne: We fly through we get to intermission and I would either find relaxation in the dressing room whether that be just sitting and resting or rolling out or catching up on text and or news or I would have a quiet moment down on the deck before the cast would arrive for the top of act two. I miss being at intermission and eating sour straws in the dressing room to get us a little sugar boost for act two. Snacks, it always comes back to the snacks. I miss, which I'm probably going to regret saying, but I miss the put-in rehearsals and I love a themed put-in rehearsal and I love, again, celebrating the debut of a new cast member. I would say one thing that I really do miss are the birthday celebrations that would sometimes disrupt the patterns that shows often create and if we didn't do a birthday celebration at half hour we would do them at intermission which I always found quite lovely.

I miss decorating the dressing room for holidays and parties. I miss celebrating Broadway debuts and principal debuts of ensemble members who understudy. I miss the rush of going on for an understudy role at a moment's notice. I miss singing happy trails when cast members move on to bigger and better dreams.

[9:04] Camden Gonzales: There were several numbers that I never even really thought about in the second act. I never even really thought about in the second act until we were actually doing them and then it was super important to remain laser focused. One number in particular called Dark Lady. We were throwing Ashley Fitzgerald around like she danced and there were moments that her feet never touched the ground and it was very, very important for us to be focused but for some reason I never thought about it until it was happening. Then comes that dancing curtain call. I miss getting to the end of the show and feeling exhausted and grateful and proud and happy every single time no matter how well the show went, no matter how hard it was that day.

That feeling of gratitude with the audience as the show finishes as we go through curtain call and as you get off stage to rush home and get in an Epsom salt bath. I miss sitting in the dressing room after the show sipping cocktails and just shooting the shit but I really miss the family we created. It's our home away from home, our second family. I miss Sundays the most so we had one show Sundays which were a dream and we'd always find somewhere to go out and have a drink after the show whether it was just a couple of us or a big group of us and it was a nice way to cap off the week together.

[12:13] Taurean Everett: So then it's after the show I'm a sweaty mess from that dang dancing curtain call and most likely I'm going home to my safe space. I'm going home. I walk out of the stage door. I engage with those who want to have their playbill signed by cast members. I swat a few hands away from the people who think they have the right to touch my body simply because they saw it on stage and I say good night to the security staff at the end of the signing line with one last wave to the theater goers. I miss sneaking out the stage door or the side door and walking to my car and just hearing everyone talk about the show and feeling total anonymity even though they're talking about the show and how much they loved it or what parts they liked the best and sort of slipping through all those conversations or being in the elevator with someone as they talk about the show and how much they liked it or anything like that.

I always thought that was really fun. I put on my headphones and I quickly make my way to the last express train of the evening. Once I'm on I turn on some mellow music. I find a seat. I enjoy the comforting rocking and swaying of the train and then I find myself thinking over the successes of the night at the theater and I would close my eyes, take a deep breath, exhale and smile feeling so proud of myself and my Broadway community for creating such magic and I would think we'll do it all again tomorrow and I can't wait. We'll do it again tomorrow and I can't wait. We'll do it all again tomorrow and I can't wait.

[12:47] Michael Fatica: Special thanks to Keeley Beirne, Taurean Everett, and Camden Gonzales for sharing their stories with us. The Ensemblist was produced today by me, Michael Fatica, Jackson Klein, and Mo Brady. There are two great ways you can help The Ensemblist right now. One is by leaving us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. The other is by becoming a Patreon member at patreon.com slash The Ensemblist. Please follow us wherever you listen to your podcasts on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or at bpn.fm, the home of Broadway Podcast Network. You can also follow us on Instagram. Thanks for listening. Until next time.