This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Susan Blackwell: Here at The Spark File, we take pride in delivering high quality sound.

[0:04] Laura Camien: The following is our first episode delivered from quarantine.

[0:08] Susan Blackwell: Full disclosure, it sounds imperfect, but it's a pandemic, so we're not letting perfection be the enemy of good.

[0:14] Laura Camien: No, we're working hard to make the next episode sound like butter, baby.

[0:14] Susan Blackwell: As usual, The Spark File podcast may contain profanity and other adult content.

[0:22] Laura Camien: But we know you love that.

[0:24] Susan Blackwell: Enjoy the show.

[0:29] Laura Camien: When I bump into something that inspires me, I jump in my spark file.

[0:37] Susan Blackwell: Spark File, something or how I wanna be.

[0:43] Laura Camien: I pump it in my spark.

[0:46] Susan Blackwell: Spark File.

[0:47] Laura Camien: I jump into my spark.

[0:52] Susan Blackwell: Let's open up the Sparks File.

[0:52] Laura Camien: Welcome to The Spark File, your one-stop Zoom conference for creative inspiration. I'm Laura Camien.

[1:02] Susan Blackwell: And I'm Susan Blackwell.

[1:04] Laura Camien: If you're an OG listener, welcome back, Sparkler.

[1:06] Susan Blackwell: If you're joining us for the first time, welcome.

[1:09] Laura Camien: But you may be asking yourself, what exactly is a spark file? Where do I get one? What do I file in it? These are good questions, people.

[1:16] Susan Blackwell: And we have got answers. A spark file is a place where you consistently collect all your inspirations and all your fascinations.

[1:24] Laura Camien: We are makers who make all kinds of things. If you're anything like us and you're making stuff all the time or want to be making stuff all the time, you know the wellspring of inspiration can run a little dry.

[1:35] Susan Blackwell: We're on the lookout for fresh ideas, images, and inspiration that spark our creativity and pique our curiosity.

[1:41] Laura Camien: Things that inspire us to get up off of our asses and make things like this podcast.

[1:46] Susan Blackwell: Or a space for peaceful self-compassion.

[1:50] Laura Camien: Ugh, that sounds awesome.

[1:52] Susan Blackwell: Or a creative response to a tidal wave of rapid change.

[1:57] Laura Camien: Every episode, we're gonna reach into the spark file and exchange some sparks.

[2:01] Susan Blackwell: And from time to time, we're gonna talk to some folks who spark us too.

[2:04] Laura Camien: And if you're not careful, you might just grant yourself grace and gentle permission to create.

[2:10] Susan Blackwell: So without further ado, let's open up. Welcome back.

[2:19] Laura Camien: Listen, I think it's important that we acknowledge that this is the first time that you and I are recording from isolated quarantine. For the first time in Sparks File history, we are not in the same room together.

[2:34] Susan Blackwell: It's remote.

[2:35] Laura Camien: It's a hundred percent remote.

[2:37] Susan Blackwell: It's remote, baby.

[2:39] Laura Camien: It feels a little crazy.

[2:41] Susan Blackwell: I, you know, it's almost like when we talk on the phone a lot. I would say that you and I talk on the phone.

[2:47] Laura Camien: We can chat. You and I can chat, and so it feels like that with just like a touch more preparation.

[2:56] Susan Blackwell: That's right. We've prepared to chat today.

[2:58] Laura Camien: But it feels like, um, you know, this feels like growth and it feels like adaptation.

[3:05] Susan Blackwell: I think we need this lifeline. Like you and I personally think we need it.

[3:10] Laura Camien: I would be so bummed if we stopped. And I have to say that has been, um, when all of this stuff really hit hard, like when the storm really broke, um, I was knocked down for about, uh, two days.

[3:25] Susan Blackwell: Like you got knocked out, but you got up.

[3:29] Laura Camien: I did get up again, and I realized that I, like, we were going to be processing a lot of rapid change in all different areas of our life.

[3:39] Susan Blackwell: And I could either like get knocked down and stay down, or I could do everything that I, everything possible to convert whatever the relationship was—interpersonal engagement, professional work, stuff like that.

[3:56] Laura Camien: I could take it all online.

[3:59] Susan Blackwell: Take it all online.

[4:01] Laura Camien: So that's what I did.

[4:02] Susan Blackwell: Um, I'm impressed by that.

[4:04] Laura Camien: And I think I'm not sure you did the same thing.

[4:06] Susan Blackwell: Well, yeah, but I feel like mine's a little less clean. I feel like I'm more of one of those like blow-up punching bags that sort of like lean to the side and back and forward as you punch them.

[4:19] Laura Camien: So like I'm like, am I down? No, I'm up. I'm up. Am I down?

[4:25] Susan Blackwell: That makes sense to me, but let me acknowledge I had those two like days where I didn't want to get out of bed.

[4:30] Laura Camien: And I have struggled subsequently. I have days where I feel like up and I'm like raring to go. And then there are days when I'm just like, this is so much to process quickly.

[4:43] Susan Blackwell: Yeah.

[4:43] Laura Camien: So I don't want you to think that I only had those two down days. Like I've had several others, as you know.

[4:49] Susan Blackwell: Um, so I also like feel like those flaming curveballs come at us and I have to kind of process each one. And that makes for some, it makes for a little bit of a roller coaster ride.

[5:02] Laura Camien: It does.

[5:03] Susan Blackwell: I think it's a choice every day, you know, we gotta get up and we've gotta, um, try to maintain a mindset of, um, well, we'll get into self-compassion and, um, and kindness.

[5:17] Laura Camien: I yeah, I just want to acknowledge that because we are recording from home, you may hear some things. Uh, toilets flushing when you flush the upstairs toilet, it sounds like a waterfall in my things.

[5:34] Susan Blackwell: Except the toilet flush.

[5:35] Laura Camien: Um, I'm set up here in the dining room. So, um, Wes may come in, like he may get hungry and be like, I'm making a sandwich. Uh, we'll find out.

[5:46] Susan Blackwell: I welcome the toilet flush and I welcome Wes and his sandwich making and all the other changes that are not the end of the world.

[5:53] Laura Camien: Wait, I have to sidebar for a second. Do you remember that before all of this? Remember the guy on BBC who did an interview, um, live from his home and he was in his home office and his, his like four-year-old daughter came in like dancing?

[6:09] Susan Blackwell: And I just saw something recently that's like, we are all the BBC guy now.

[6:14] Laura Camien: We are all that guy.

[6:15] Susan Blackwell: I love that video when that little toddler tootles in, and then you see someone, might be the mom, might be a babysitter, I don't know. You see somebody just like trying to as elegantly as possible, but not elegantly at all, like reach through a crack in the door and retrieve the toddler.

[6:32] Laura Camien: And if I remember correctly, that expert talking head was talking about something really expert, like it was super sophisticated.

[6:41] Susan Blackwell: That's true.

[6:41] Laura Camien: And his daughter was walking as though she was like leading a parade.

[6:46] Susan Blackwell: Like she was punching the air, the tongue in the air, like bounding in.

[6:52] Laura Camien: It was so awesome.

[6:54] Susan Blackwell: We are all that guy.

[6:56] Laura Camien: Oh my god, I love it so much. Um, there was a—remember, well, we don't have to get into it, but I think the New York Times, Hunter with Hunter Bell was telling me, hi Hunter Bell, was telling me that the New York Times, I've really tried to be very thoughtful about how much news I take in and what sources.

[7:14] Susan Blackwell: Otherwise, I have the next day will be like a dark day.

[7:19] Laura Camien: Um, so I try to stay informed about what the rules of engagement are and like the real high-level headlines, and then I tried not to make myself insane.

[7:29] Susan Blackwell: But Hunter was telling me that the New York Times—now, this was some days back, which is the equivalent of some years back—put out an article about like do's and don'ts for online conferencing.

[7:39] Laura Camien: And it was like, and people were like, boo, New York Times, read the fucking room. We're all just trying to make it through the day.

[7:50] Susan Blackwell: You gotta go fuck yourself.

[7:52] Laura Camien: You have no idea. Um, in any event, as we were saying, and as the rest of the world knows, this has been a lot to process.

[8:04] Susan Blackwell: We've all been required to process, we're just giggling. It's stress.

[8:08] Laura Camien: I'm gonna be honest. It's just, we're just releasing stress, but we've been required to process a lot of rapid change for some people, a lot of loss, and a real—it's been a real paradigm shift in our lives.

[8:21] Susan Blackwell: It's an understatement.

[8:22] Laura Camien: I feel sometimes like anything that I want to say feels so small and inadequate to capture what everyone is experiencing.

[8:34] Susan Blackwell: Yes, we lead a weekly accountability group, and you said something that was so early on, so spot on. You said this is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and everybody is at a different moment in this what's going to be months and months long marathon.

[8:54] Laura Camien: So somebody may be like staggered times.

[8:57] Susan Blackwell: Like totally staggered time marathon.

[9:00] Laura Camien: That's exactly it. And so I may be on the struggle bus that day, and you may have got your seventh wind. And or somebody else may have been like running the marathon and found out that somebody they love is endangered or has—or they've lost somebody that they've loved.

[9:17] Susan Blackwell: And so, uh, that whole quote about be kind, everyone you know is fighting a battle. I don't think we've ever been more aware of that globally as we are right now.

[9:27] Laura Camien: And it's so important to remember because it feels as though like we are all in this together, and that is true. But what is also true is that we staggered our start times.

[9:36] Susan Blackwell: And we staggered our start times, and, uh, uh, we were—this I think early on people were saying, oh, this pandemic is the great equalizer, and it's not.

[9:48] Laura Camien: There are people that are much, much more susceptible to this, either because of like pre-existing conditions or they're immunocompromised, or frankly, they're people of color, and there's a number of factors that are contributing to the fact that this is not the great equalizer.

[10:06] Susan Blackwell: So, I mean, economically, what people are experiencing is vastly different as well.

[10:13] Laura Camien: Yeah, yeah.

[10:15] Susan Blackwell: Um, I don't know about you, but I have experienced a lot of very macro fears, like big fears for people, people around the world, fear of catastrophic loss of life, fear of the impact on the global economy.

[10:31] Laura Camien: And then there's this, like, it's sort of like if you look at a bullseye, that there's those different concentric circles, and then a next level in circle is fears for people that I know and love, and then on this micro level, fears for myself and for my immediate family, my parents, for Nathan.

[10:50] Susan Blackwell: Um, fears about how we'd stay safe and healthy and how we're gonna make sure we have food to eat and money to pay the mortgage and all of that stuff.

[11:01] Laura Camien: But I realized something after that first wave of fear hit that knocked me down for a couple of days.

[11:07] Susan Blackwell: I realized that most all of those fears for the time being are future fears.

[11:13] Laura Camien: That's right.

[11:13] Susan Blackwell: They're in the world.

[11:14] Laura Camien: Which I can start.

[11:15] Susan Blackwell: Yeah, I can consider them and plan for them.

[11:19] Laura Camien: But when I bring myself back to the present moment, I do find that I'm okay.

[11:23] Susan Blackwell: Yeah.

[11:23] Laura Camien: And like in this moment, and then this one, and then I guess this one too. I'm like, oh, I'm okay. And I'm actually filled with gratitude that I'm safe and healthy and I'm well in this moment.

[11:36] Susan Blackwell: So that's right.

[11:38] Laura Camien: That is something that has been on my mind. I think that's a real key is not letting our thoughts get so far ahead of us down the road.

[11:46] Susan Blackwell: Yeah, I agree with you.

[11:49] Laura Camien: Um, regarding the spark file, I think we've both agreed. We certainly don't want to pretend that the pandemic isn't happening, but we're also pretty sure that you all have plenty of sources for information about the impact of COVID-19.

[12:01] Susan Blackwell: So we don't need to be here a source for up-to-date information.

[12:06] Laura Camien: Nobody wants that.

[12:07] Susan Blackwell: Nobody wants that.

[12:09] Laura Camien: Um, but we've decided that while we're going to acknowledge what's happening and see what kind of sparks come our way as a result of this, we also like the idea of having The Spark File continue to focus on all kinds of creativity.

[12:21] Susan Blackwell: So, yes, creativity and sparks in response to what's happening with the pandemic and quarantining and physical distancing, but as we move forward, also sparks completely unrelated to all of that, which may feel a little escapist.

[12:33] Laura Camien: But we're granting ourselves that permission because we all get to navigate these uncharted waters in the healthiest way possible for us.

[12:41] Susan Blackwell: So yes to staying informed, yes to processing all the rapid change, and yes to grieving our losses as they come, and yes to pandemic-related sparks.

[12:50] Laura Camien: Yeah, and I—and yes to being curious in this time, you know, it may, you know, I, uh, it could be escapist, but it could also be like I'm using this time to get curious.

[13:01] Susan Blackwell: And it has brought forth these curiosities that, you know, may not have sprung to mind in the past.

[13:08] Laura Camien: And so we'll see.

[13:11] Susan Blackwell: I love that.

[13:11] Laura Camien: So it could be sparks that floated by because you were like, oh, this wasn't top of mind before this, but now it is top of mind. We're going to choose whatever brings us joy and delight.

[13:23] Susan Blackwell: Um, that being said, this week, I'm leaning in.

[13:27] Laura Camien: Okay.

[13:31] Susan Blackwell: Response to all of this.

[13:32] Laura Camien: Oh my gosh. There are so many things, more things in just this little period of a few weeks than we could cover in the entire run of The Spark File.

[13:43] Susan Blackwell: So I just chose a few.

[13:44] Laura Camien: Oh, I can't wait to hear.

[13:46] Susan Blackwell: And I feel like, um, I don't know, we'll see. You may have heard of these things, they may be fresh sparks for you.

[13:53] Laura Camien: But my spark sources include um wussymag.com, an article on essence.com by Chiara Boone, an article on LAist.com by Mike Rowe, an article on Business Insider.com by Caitlin Wang, and a piece by News Channel WRBL.com out of Columbus, Georgia.

[14:14] Susan Blackwell: Shout out our friend Austin Sargent who helped me source so many of these sparks.

[14:19] Susan Blackwell: I'm very thankful because there were so many to choose from. I was like, send help. And Austin came to my rescue. So thanks, Austin. So this first pandemic spark of creativity was actually sparked by your recent spark about trees, baby case. About sparks, about sparks. I loved that spark. And it made me think of a tree spark that I wanted to share with you and you gentle listeners. This started all the way back in 2013. My friend Suze lives in Jersey in a neighborhood that has all of those. If you can picture it, it's like all those row houses. They're not like brick townhouses. They're like those row houses that have like siding on them. Can you picture that? Yes. Near their place was one of those rectangular dirt beds on the sidewalk where a tree is supposed to grow.

Can you picture that? I don't know, they must have a name. But there wasn't a tree there. There was just waist-high weeds and people just basically using it as a garbage can and literally a toilet. And it made my friend Suze crazy enraged at her neighbors. Now, I want to be clear, you're not supposed to plant a tree in front of a place that isn't your home or your business. But Suze was like, F this ass. I'm tired of being a victim of this. She yes, she dug and she got into it. She dug into that little dirt bed. She pulled out the weeds. She pulled up trash. She pulled out human waste, no kidding. But she and it's amazing to me. If you've never lived in New York or New Jersey or the Tri-State area, people will just like they'll like pop a squat on the bumper of a car or like in a tree dirt bed, and they will just take a shit.

And that's what she cleaned up. Sometimes nature calls. Yeah. Sometimes nature calls. But she cleaned it all up and then she went to the hardware store and she bought herself a $25 maple tree and planted it. But she was worried that people wouldn't take care of the tree, that they would literally just shit on the tree. I did not just create a bathroom. I agree. That's right. A very well-appointed bathroom. But she came up with a plan to make the tree meaningful to people. So she worked with an artist friend of hers to make a sign that said, This tree's name is Irma Cohen. Please protect her growth. Oh yes. It's beautiful. And we have I have a picture of it and we'll share it. Oh, I can't wait to see it.

And as a result of planting this one little tree and hanging this one little sign on it, all of this positive change began to happen. Neighbors who didn't want to get involved with the planting of Irma Cohen then ended up planting their own maple trees on the block.

[17:09] Laura Camien: Oh.

[17:09] Susan Blackwell: So many more trees appeared on the street. Um at Christmas and Easter, someone in the neighborhood started decorating Irma Cohen.

[17:18] Laura Camien: Oh my God.

[17:20] Susan Blackwell: A woman ended up renting and creating a business in the neighborhood, a tea shop because she thought the tree was a good sign.

[17:27] Laura Camien: Oh my God.

[17:28] Susan Blackwell: An arborist just volunteered to come and trim Irma Cohen, which Suze only found out after the fact. The arborists like introduced themselves and said, Hey, did you plant Irma Cohen? I I trimmed that tree. Um, so Suze was feeling pretty good about all of this, but it was never she's Suze is the most understated. She's never big on tooting her own horn or taking credit, and she wasn't taking credit for planting Irma Cohen until one day when she saw a like a four-year-old girl come out of a nearby apartment building with her dad, and this kid was bawling. And this big Jersey dad with his big thick jersey accent said, Hey, you want to talk to Irma Cohen? Would that make you feel better? And Suze chased after them and caught up with them and for the first time took credit and said, Ha ha, I planted Irma Cohen.

And then the Jersey dad told Suze that his little girl talked to Irma Cohen like every day and told Irma Cohen her problems and stories. And the dad said that Irma made him happy because that his daughter will get to grow up with Irma Cohen. And Suze said it was so humbling to see this guy who she would have never guessed was so sensitive by the way he looked and by the way he dressed, um, to see this guy and to like to really meet him and get to see a side of him that she hadn't expected.

[18:51] Laura Camien: The tree brought them together.

[18:53] Susan Blackwell: Irma Cohen brought them together. So now neighbors want to donate to the cause of planting more trees, but Suze says she doesn't want money to plant more trees. She'd prefer that the neighbors name the trees they plant after people they have loved and lost. So now on their block, in addition to Irma Cohen, there are trees named Ida Cohen, lucky Lou Cohen, Tunis Cohen. They're all named of loved ones who have passed.

[19:18] Laura Camien: Why are they all Cohen's?

[19:20] Susan Blackwell: They wanted to name Cohen after the Cohen brothers.

[19:25] Laura Camien: So it's spelled C-O-E-N.

[19:26] Susan Blackwell: Love it. Just as a tribute, I guess. I don't know. I think they like the sound of the name Irma Cohen.

[19:32] Laura Camien: Oh yeah.

[19:32] Susan Blackwell: But Sue said by planting this one little tree, she went from being enraged by her neighbors to loving them, loving the way they came together. And that even though ideally you plant trees in the fall, she is going to use this pandemic time to plant more trees on her street if she can find trees during this time.

[19:52] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[19:53] Susan Blackwell: So this sparked an idea in me, which is if I can safely get a sapling, I would love to plant a tree or two or three during the pandemic, so that years from now we can point to the trees and say, look how big the trees have gotten since the pandemic. Look how much time has passed. Look how long it's been since we lost some people we loved. Look how long we've all survived.

[20:18] Laura Camien: Oh because we will, we will get um, we will get past this.

[20:25] Susan Blackwell: We will uh and those trees will kind of be a measuring stick of our growth since then. If we were in person, I would show you a picture of Irma Cohen and Irma Cohen's sign, but I guess you'll have to wait and see that with everybody else on social media. Irma's really grown too. I was just um uh emailing this morning with the planters of Irma Cohen, and they are right now redoing uh originally she had sort of a box bed built up with like that pressure treated wood, uh huh, and they're rethinking that, and I think they might do like a stone surround on her, so you know, Irma Cohen's being well cared for, and wow, yeah.

[21:04] Laura Camien: So I love that story so much.

[21:08] Susan Blackwell: I'm inspired. I feel like I want to plant a tree as well. Not everybody has access to the land to plant a tree, but if you do, give it a thought. And if you can get a tree safely, that's important too. But but maybe just a plant. You can take care of it, watch it grow. Don't overwater it just because you have a lot of time inside your house. But um, but maybe you could say, look, that's my um, that's my pandemic plant. Look how much it's grown. Our friend Bryn um was leaving town and headed to New Orleans to be with her family. And she left us an orchid, and she was like, I'm really struggling with this orchid. They're really, really tricky. But she said, um, you know, so she's like, so no pressure because I'm not sure it's doing great anyway, but um, I do want to leave it with someone.

And she's like, you guys can have it. And we were like, well, no, no, we'll take care of it until you, you know, until you get back. And Wes has been out there every day and um feeding it little ice cubes so that the water, you know, it gets watered very gently in uh a time lapse water um time release. And he the orchid has blossomed up two additional orchids in the amount of time, and there are like three buds.

[22:28] Laura Camien: And we came out the other morning, and it was like, oh, yes one of those buds overnight, boom, came.

[22:38] Susan Blackwell: Papai is a word that since you taught it to me on the tree episode, the secret life of trees, I have used about 70 million times. But I have more sparks for you too.

[22:49] Laura Camien: Oh my gosh, keep them coming.

[22:51] Susan Blackwell: Another friend of mine who is responding to the pandemic with creativity is Simone Policano. Simone played my daughter in an independent feature we did called Augie. Shout out to director Matt Kane, producer Mark Underhill, and DP Natasha Mullen. My little love bugs who made that film, it was a joyous experience. So in Augie, Richard Kind and I play husband and wife, and Simone Policano plays our daughter. And I love this little nerd bag. So on March 4th, uh Simone posted on her Facebook page this message. If someone could tell me exactly how scared I should be of coronavirus, that would be great because let me tell you, Reddit is not so fun. That was March 4th. Which is to say that she, like many of us, were feeling around the edges of this thing and just trying to understand it and wrap our minds around what was headed our way.

Now, here's the here I want to just paint you a picture of the original spark. Around March 12th, so eight days later, Simone was walking home from her subway stop in Queens. She passed by her key foods market and she saw a lot of elderly people walking in and out. This was on March 12th. Use her words. We weren't in full quarantine times yet, but things weren't looking great. And she almost offered to go in to get their groceries, but she thought approaching strangers might weird people out. So she posted on Facebook on March 12th, 4 33 p.m. Hello, is there a way for an able bodied 25 year old to volunteer to help deliver groceries slash supplies to elderly tenants around the city? Does anyone know of something like this? Thank you. So her friend's brother Liam saw that post and called her and was like, let's make this. Let's just get together and get some old people some groceries.

[24:41] Susan Blackwell: So by March 14th, two days later, Simone had posted this on her Facebook page. The healthcare workers on the front lines of this whole thing are absolute warriors and inspired me to try to do whatever small part I could to help. Two days ago, I started asking around to see if any young, healthy people in New York City wanted to help deliver supplies and groceries to the elderly and immunocompromised. And since then, I've been working on making this InvisibleHands Deliver.com. Free volunteer-based delivery service for those most impacted by and most at risk for severe complications due to COVID-19. There are currently volunteers in many neighborhoods in Manhattan and Brooklyn and Astoria and in Jersey City.

If you're interested in helping, bring supplies to the people who should be staying inside most right now. Please, please fill out the volunteer form on the site. The more people in the database, fancy word for a Google spreadsheet, the more ground we can cover. Please share with friends who might want to volunteer, especially because everything is subject to change. People's travel plans or exposure status could force them to stop volunteering. This thing is changing fast, and we're all just figuring it out as we go. She said, This is a daunting time, but I've watched many small acts of kindness between New Yorkers over the past few days. Everyone thinks New Yorkers are assholes, but we pull it together when it counts.

[25:59] Laura Camien: So that was March, what did I say?

[26:04] Susan Blackwell: The 14th.

[26:05] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[26:05] Susan Blackwell: So on April 7th, which as of this recording was like two days ago, her partner Liam Elkin posted this. If you're in New York City slash Jersey City and you are elderly, immunocompromised, disabled, sick, or can't go outside for any reason, and you need a free delivery of groceries, medicine, et cetera, go to Invisible Hands Delivered.org. Three weeks ago, I thought about the craziness of the world we were living in. I saw the bravery and heroism of our nurses, doctors, medical workers, and public transportation workers fighting at the front lines of this crisis, risking their lives to help out those most in need. Inspired, I wished I could do something good with all the time I had on my frequently washed hands.

That's when I saw Simone Policano recruiting volunteers to help those most in need by delivering groceries, prescriptions, and other necessities. I reached out and we put up a website and a flyer. Immediately, people started getting involved. Community organizers, activists, lawyers, business people, PR people, all of them asking how they could donate their time. Within days, our flyers had been translated into over a dozen languages and posted all throughout the city. People reached out from around the country, even from Mexico, Canada, Kenya, Malaysia, Australia, the UK, and more. It has been a stunning reminder that when the world is pulling us apart, we come together, and by pulling together, we pull through.

Over these last few days, oh boy, over 10,000 volunteers have joined Invisible Hands. The financial outpouring of support, they've raised almost $60,000 to date, has helped us start a subsidy program to help out those hit hardest by the economic shock of this disease. People have reached out, educating me on how to make our organization even more accessible to people who have been left out of this conversation. We're working on getting the software to a place where we can expand nationally and potentially even internationally to maximize to maximize our ability to serve our neighbors. This all started with a Google spreadsheet of volunteers grouped by neighborhood, whom Simone would text personally. All of this started with that spark.

[28:22] Laura Camien: I have friends who are doing this, Suze.

[28:24] Susan Blackwell: I didn't even know that your friend created it.

[28:28] Laura Camien: Yes.

[28:29] Susan Blackwell: Yes.

[28:31] Susan Blackwell: It is amazing. When I talked to Simone, now this has been like five nights ago. So this number has changed now. But at that time they had done over 1,400 deliveries. Oh my God. And she's doing all of this from her apartment in Queens where she is alone with her cat. I know. When I spoke to her a few nights back, she said it's not hyperbole to say that she is more physically exhausted than she has ever been. She has had to set alarms to remind herself to drink water and to eat. But she said her spirit is so full. But she's been at it. She's been working about 18 hours a day. And like Liam's post said, they had to get a legal team, they had to register to be a 501c3. And she had these are great words, Simone's words. They are building this airplane while they are flying it.

[29:27] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[29:28] Susan Blackwell: They really are. She said all of it's been worth it, seeing the gratitude of people who were so scared and so uncertain about where they were going to get their food. It's not insane for some people.

[29:38] Laura Camien: That's right.

[29:38] Susan Blackwell: And if you're just like, how in God's name, I mean, can you imagine if you're, you know, if you're elderly, if you're most at risk, um, having to make the decision about, well, I have to have food, but I'm risking my life by going to get it. Uh, it's just amazing what she's done. She kept talking about how amazing the other volunteers have been. The day that we spoke, she told me that a volunteer on the Upper East Side did five grocery runs and deliveries that day and was just like, boom, I'm done. Hit me again. Boom, I'm done, give me another one. And was just like, and they're doing it to they're following CDC guidelines. They're doing it to the best of their abilities to make sure that the groceries are clean and wiped down. They of course practice physical distancing and um they even will talk, have their they encourage their volunteers to chat with the people on the phone that they're delivering to and make that human connection because here I go.

[30:41] Laura Camien: People are alone.

[30:42] Susan Blackwell: That people are required to be physically distanced, but it provides another service, which is a moment of human to human contact for people that are alone.

[30:50] Laura Camien: Right.

[30:51] Susan Blackwell: Because you may have to drop the groceries without seeing or talking to them in person, but you can't you might talk through a door, you might talk down a hallway, like you might leave the groceries at the top of a stairwell, but not, you know, and people there are funny stories about people wanting to invite the volunteers in for like a tea, and they're just like, I think that'd be a bad idea, but we can talk from this distance. Um, Simone told me that she was a kid during September 11th, and she remembers how everyone wanted to help.

[31:20] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[31:21] Susan Blackwell: And she feels like she tapped into something with young people who didn't just want to watch Netflix for the foreseeable future. And she believes that it's as healing for the volunteers as it is for the recipients of their food and their prescriptions. And it's giving uh people across generations who would have never met or interacted with each other a chance to come together. After 9-11, it is one of the greatest feelings seeing New Yorkers come together, and what she's doing is such, you know, so emblematic of that. New Yorkers are resilient and tough and care for each other.

[32:02] Laura Camien: All of those things are true.

[32:04] Susan Blackwell: And there is a part of me that's like, oh, now I know this is, you know, I'm judging this even as I as I'm saying it, but there is a part of me that's like, I'd like to be back in New York. And instead of having left, just to feel that feeling when you come together as a city. But I also know that's a romanticized version of it, and I can be far away and appreciating it from there.

[32:33] Laura Camien: I wanted to share this a little piece of real talk. A week ago, Simone said she hit a wall, like she got one sad email too many, and her friend who is a social worker counseled her that you are helping people, but you are not responsible for them. Um it's something that she, you know, she fears that if something falls through the cracks, if she's not completely organized, if if um she doesn't get to every grocery order that she could be responsible for somebody's life. She's she's doing incredible work, but she's also bearing an incredible weight of responsibility on her shoulderself.

[33:15] Susan Blackwell: She said that she's taking care of herself, she's doing her morning pages. She's doing yoga. She sets alarms for herself to remind herself to do like seven-minute workouts. Um, and she also wanted to stress that we should be physically distancing, but socially connecting, which I could not agree with more.

[33:33] Laura Camien: And uh I think it's good advice.

[33:37] Susan Blackwell: But wait, there's more. Good news isn't only coming out of New York and New Jersey people, it's coming from down south too. This piece comes from wussymag.com. And the headline reads, Queer Appalachia, Wussy, and Southern Fried Queer Pride team up for big ass telethon for Southern Artists.

[33:57] Laura Camien: And I'm gonna tell you you had me at big ass telethonag.com.

[34:03] Susan Blackwell: So I'm just gonna read from their site. While COVID 19 affects the lives and livelihoods of millions, rural queers continue to turn to the internet and social media to showcase their art. Wussymag.com is excited to announce that they are teaming up with queer appalachia and southern fried queer pride to host the big ass telethon to end metro normativity, a showcase of performance and perseverance below the Mason Dixon line.

[34:29] Laura Camien: So according to Wussy Mag, Metro Normativity operates upon the false dichotomy of rural versus urban queer existence.

[34:38] Susan Blackwell: Interesting.

[34:39] Laura Camien: I think metro normativity is so ingrained in our culture, you might not even realize you're seeing it because it sort of casts um rural people. And as a rural, I know I grew up, I the more majority of my life has been rural.

[34:57] Susan Blackwell: So they say metronormativity erases rural queer life invisibility. And I think they have a point. So they are fighting against the idea that queer rural voices are somehow less important. And they're uplifting those voices.

[35:11] Laura Camien: So on April 25th, they are hosting a live-streamed telethon Spectacular as a child of the Jerry Lewis Telethon. I'm so into this.

[35:19] Susan Blackwell: It's going to feature drag artists, musicians, comedians, dancers, and more. And this event will be used to raise money for the newly formed Appalachian Southern Queer Artist Fund, an emergency fund set up to monetarily support the featured artists, not just during the pandemic, but further and beyond in the form of micro grants.

[35:40] Laura Camien: And they are asking artists and creatives to submit a video of new work, baby.

[35:46] Susan Blackwell: We don't want that old work. We want that good new work. Their website states we believe that all art and expressions of creativity are valid. Woo-boo!

[35:56] Laura Camien: Yes, wussymag.com.

[35:58] Susan Blackwell: We are committed to inclusivity and diversity and strongly encourage artists and performers from all backgrounds to apply. Artists will be able to accept tips through their Venmo slash PayPal accounts during the telethon as well. And though the deadline for submission will have passed by the time this podcast posts, the telethon will air on mark your calendars, everybody, on April 25th at 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time via Twitch.

[36:22] Laura Camien: Their handle is at end metro normativity.

[36:26] Susan Blackwell: And you know, if you have like an Apple TV, you can just pull Twitch up right as one of those little tiles on your Apple TV. Don't be afraid, it's a time for innovation and adapting to new technology. So get up on it.

[36:39] Laura Camien: Um I also want to shout out to wiskymag.com. That site is a spark file unto itself.

[36:45] Susan Blackwell: Oh, I can't wait to take a look.

[36:47] Laura Camien: So there's a spark for you.

[36:48] Susan Blackwell: Um awesome. Are you ready for another spark?

[36:51] Laura Camien: Oh my god, yes.

[36:53] Susan Blackwell: Spark spark sparks. This is a goodie from an article on essence.com by Chiara Boone. The headline is the TikTok challenges keeping us sane through social distancing. The way that people are responding to these challenges on all these challenges across the internet is delightful.

[37:09] Laura Camien: And the one cameo that I could not stop watching is called the Don't Rush Challenge. Have you partaken of the Don't Rush Challenge by any chance?

[37:19] Susan Blackwell: What is this?

[37:20] Laura Camien: Okay. In her piece on essence.com, Kiara Boone says, COVID 19 can't stop a true fashionista. Black women across the country have been swapping out their pajamas for instant glow ups to the sound of young tea and bugsy's don't rush by virtually tossing their makeup brush from one to another, they've been able to maintain their squad goals.

[37:42] Susan Blackwell: In these videos, people are just like full quarantine, sweatpants, no makeup, hair undone. And they they have a makeup brush, like a big blush brush, and they swipe over the camera with it. And then when they pull the makeup brush back, they're fully revealed, they're totally done, head to toe, latches, fashion, all of it, honey.

[38:04] Laura Camien: And then they sort of give you a moment of like drink it all in, and then they pass the object, like the makeup brush, or if it's a hair comb or a baby wipe or whatever it is, from their frame into someone quarantining in a completely different location.

[38:19] Susan Blackwell: And then that person is full, like sweatpants and undone. And then they transform and then they pass the object and pass the object. You want to see them just search hashtag don't rush challenge and be sparked. There's so many different friend groups that are doing this, and it's beautiful.

[38:36] Laura Camien: I mean, there's more.

[38:37] Susan Blackwell: Oh my god. There's a piece on the website, laist.com about the street art that has sprung up in response to COVID-19. It's hard to describe on a podcast, but I'm gonna try. Um, first, know that it is gorgeous. Artists are working out their thoughts and their feelings about the pandemic in these amazing large-scale street pieces that depict, for instance, people kissing passionately through face masks.

[39:05] Laura Camien: Um, there's one of a dude in a trench coat, like opening it, but he's like, it's lined with toilet paper rolls.

[39:11] Susan Blackwell: So it's like, you want to buy some black market toilet paper? So in Mike Rowe's article on the website, LAist.com, he says the streets are often empty, coronavirus restrictions keeping many Angelinos from venturing out. But when we do, street artists have been leaving coronavirus-inspired work for us to find.

[39:28] Laura Camien: The article goes on.

[39:30] Susan Blackwell: Street artist Jeremy Novi says putting up his art right now helps him cope with how he's feeling instead of sitting at home worrying. Novi says, I'm trying to deal with my own anxiety and my own feelings of being disempowered. We don't know what tomorrow holds. We're kind of sitting here waiting. And making art and putting it up makes me feel like I'm somehow empowered over the situation.

[39:51] Laura Camien: And I was like, Yes, Jeremy Novi.

[39:54] Susan Blackwell: Yes, I feel that. I feel that so hard. Uh, and of course, many street artists are accustomed to working alone. Uh, Jeremy goes on to say, Street art always has been a socially isolating, socially distancing art form.

[40:07] Laura Camien: And I was like, Yeah, hey, right.

[40:10] Susan Blackwell: Um another artist goes on to say that sometimes street art is also about taking advantage of an opportunity with fewer people out at night. Street artist Cat Donuts, whose tag name I love Cat Donuts, doesn't worry much about getting caught.

[40:25] Laura Camien: She says, Right now, literally, I could probably do a whole piece in 15 minutes and nothing would happen.

[40:31] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. There's actually really no police patrolling except maybe one or two. And to that I say, way to make the best of quiet times on the street, street artists.

[40:40] Laura Camien: Yeah, I know.

[40:41] Susan Blackwell: Just leaving something beautiful and thought-provoking for us to enjoy when we get to be out and about again. It's gonna be really cool to be able to walk the streets and see. Um, there's some specific places in mind that I know you know where work often goes out. The gallery is gonna open as soon as we can get back out.

[40:58] Laura Camien: Um, and the last spark I have I offer for folks who have kids.

[41:01] Susan Blackwell: Uh, it comes from WRBL.com in Columbus, Georgia, and it's about a mom who was looking for a way to entertain her little girl during the quarantine. The piece acknowledged that it's not easy with kids asking questions and trying to understand what the hell is going on during this outbreak.

[41:20] Laura Camien: So three-year-old Indy Edwards loves to read a children's book called We're Going on a Bear Hunt with her mother Tasha.

[41:29] Susan Blackwell: So Tasha put out a call to all her downtown neighbors to display teddy bears at their homes. And neighbors responded by putting teddy bears because most houses, a lot of houses have a teddy bear.

[41:43] Laura Camien: Yes.

[41:43] Susan Blackwell: And they all put their teddy bears all over the place. So each morning, Indy and her mom Tasha and her big sister Ella ride or walk through the streets and they look for bears.

[41:56] Laura Camien: So there's bears on porches and they're really easy to spot.

[41:59] Susan Blackwell: And then others are hiding up just like behind the blinds in a second story window.

[42:03] Laura Camien: Yes.

[42:04] Susan Blackwell: Other kids in their families are also bear hunting. And Indy's mom, Tasha said it's something to do, bless.

[42:11] Laura Camien: Yes.

[42:11] Susan Blackwell: And it's fun. And Indy knows it's a game. She said, we're hunting bears, but they are not real bears. And I just love the spark because it's one small creative way that people are responding to the physical distancing in the quarantine while still coming together to make something fun for kids.

[42:31] Laura Camien: Neighbors, man.

[42:32] Susan Blackwell: Neighbors. Neighbors and nature and being outside. So during this time, though things may be changing rapidly, and that we are all figuring out this new life in real time, we're all building the plane and flying it as we go.

[42:44] Susan Blackwell: We can still catch sparks, and then we can take it and make it.

[42:44] Laura Camien: And make it.

[42:49] Susan Blackwell: And that is my spark for you today, Kami.

[42:53] Laura Camien: Zeus, those are so good and so doable.

[42:58] Susan Blackwell: Like, you know, so doable. You can take an idea like that. And if you're feeling like, ah, I got an itch to do something. There are things in there that are like manageable to do. You don't have to uh be superhuman with a staff behind you, you know, to achieve some of those, which is amazing.

[43:20] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[43:21] Susan Blackwell: Another idea that I had is just this is so simple. But if you're making something, if you're if you're making bread, if you're making a casserole, if you're like cooking something that's a little more elaborate, just like making extra and sharing it with neighbors. Uh, I know that's tricky because people have different dietary needs and restrictions, but um, I don't know, just stuff like that.

[43:44] Laura Camien: Yeah, just to get a little dose of optimism and hope.

[43:48] Susan Blackwell: Yes, that's what we all need. Spark!

[43:52] Laura Camien: The spark file.

[43:53] Susan Blackwell: Boo-boo.

[43:54] Laura Camien: Oh, Suze, I love your sparks. I love those sparks so much. Um, and I love that it was like a basket full of them. I feel like my spark is gonna be a nice compliment to yours. Honestly, like it's very different, but I'm gonna go for it. Um, first of all, I want to say I am loving and honoring and rejoicing and giving gratitude for all of the people who are doing incredible things to help, whether it's making art or sharing art or creating charities that you know bring food to others.

[44:31] Susan Blackwell: I mean, I'm just astounded by the creativity and the vibrancy that is happening and that you can feel it's palpable, right? And the joy that they're holding and and lifting everyone up. Um, I am in awe of that and appreciate it more than I can say. Um, but I'm having also a moment of um that's a little bit of die, vampire die. Um I offer this spark for all the rest of us.

[44:59] Laura Camien: I offer this spark. This one goes out to all the rest of us. I mean, like, you know, for for those among us who just can't right now, just fucking can't. And maybe they're sick. You know, maybe you're suddenly the only breadwinner in your family. Maybe you are suddenly homeschooling a child or multiple children. Maybe you're taking care of your parents. Maybe you're just trying to hold your shit together. What I want to say to all of those people is this.

[45:46] Susan Blackwell: You are doing enough. You're doing enough. You're doing enough. I mean, thank God for people who are able to help right now. But if you are busy helping yourself and helping your family, you are doing enough. A few days ago, I read this um headline in the New York Times that said simply stop trying to be productive. Suze, I am not exaggerating when I tell you, I burst into tears right then.

[46:13] Laura Camien: But being productive is holding me together. I lost it. I really lost it. And I fully recognize the need to help each other and to find our way through this like as gracefully as possible. But there are other moments when I feel like there is an absurdity sometimes about this go-go-go mentality right now. Like when every single business that I get an email from, it's obvious like they're trying to find the opportunity in this, and individuals are fearing that they're they're gonna be left behind if they don't learn to master everything, all this new stuff instantly.

[46:52] Susan Blackwell: And artists are fearing that they, you know, have to be seen right now or make a ton of new art with all of this supposed downtime, which you know, not everyone is feeling downtime. I have no downtime, right? Do you have downtime?

[47:07] Laura Camien: I don't have any downtime.

[47:08] Susan Blackwell: I don't have no downtime. I don't. And I try to remind myself when I hear of like people experiencing boredom. I'm like, okay. And that's their reality. We had staggered start times, but then there's content creators out there who are certain that like there's this short window of time when people will feel an absence of content, and and then they're gonna get tired of too much content.

[47:30] Laura Camien: And if you don't get shit out there, that you will have missed that window of opportunity. It's a lot, it's a lot, I feel. And uh this New York Times article, it was by Taylor Lawrence, and it you tailor. Thank you. It essentially laid out this pressure that many people are feeling to like any of the things I just mentioned, or organize their whole house, Marie Kondo, everything, get in the best shape of their lives, or write the next King Lear, or discover the theory of relativity while there's social distancing.

[48:08] Susan Blackwell: It's kind of insane. And actually, while we're on that subject, I would love to unpack the Shakespeare wrote King Lear during the self-quarantine. You actually helped me with this because I I fell I fell prey to that meme where I was like, Oh god, must be doing more, and you were like, girl, that is not historically factual.

[48:28] Laura Camien: Listen, settle down and take a nap. There's more to this story. The thing is that I think is important to remember is that from the moment that Shakespeare was born, he was surrounded by the plague. Literally everything he did in his life was done while the plague was ravaging Europe. So as a baby, he was really lucky that he didn't get it. His little village, the Stratford upon Avon, was torn up by an outbreak of the plague the summer of 1564.

[48:59] Susan Blackwell: Just a couple months after he was born, the town lost like up to a quarter of their population. These historical facts that you try to share with me and I try to receive become so much more uh understandable and readily uh digestible.

[49:19] Laura Camien: Oh, good because wait, oh, because of our context.

[49:23] Susan Blackwell: Oh, not good. Like we understand, well, no, in a way, it's I mean, it expands my empathy. I understand things like wartime, the great depression, plague time, in ways that I could I was just like, oh yeah, yeah, those history facts history facts. And now it feels much more real when you say a quarter of the village was lost.

[49:45] Laura Camien: Yeah, that shit's really real. It's feeling now and it was woven throughout their lives. Like there wasn't a moment when everyone was like, okay, we're done with the with the plague, now we're getting back to normal. Um, as he grew up, he became a teen, and then beyond that, as he became a professional actor and a playwright, and eventually he was a shareholder in a London theater company.

[50:11] Susan Blackwell: The plague was an ongoing threat to their livelihood. Like, wow. At that time, no one knew what caused the plague or how it spread. And every time there was a little outbreak, the first thing that would happen is that public gatherings would be canceled. And given that theater didn't have the best reputation, authorities were more than happy to shut it down, along with the brothels and all the other unsavory entertainment.

[50:37] Laura Camien: Apparently, there's a famous preacher of the time who said the cause of plagues is sin and the cause of sin is plays.

[50:46] Susan Blackwell: Oh, snap preacher of the time. During the time when Shakespeare did most of his writing, or I wouldn't say most, but maybe the height of his writing career between like 1603 to 1613, the Globe and the London playhouses were shut more than like 60% of the time during that decade.

[51:08] Laura Camien: So that 10-year period, they were closed for like 78 months on and off. So you can see, like it wasn't like, oh, he got a couple months in quarantine and came out with King Lear. This was an ongoing, you know, the point of sharing all of this is that the plague was part of his life from day one.

[51:31] Susan Blackwell: And no matter what profession he was in during his lifetime, he would have had to go about it during periods of isolation and quarantine because everyone did. And that's just how they lived. And of course, you can hear the echoes of that reality like throughout his work in many of his plays and different poems.

[51:50] Laura Camien: But also the fact is he had a wife and staff who took care of the homestead and the children so that he could pursue his work. Like staff took care of the animals, someone else cooked the food. He was essentially just working from home.

[52:04] Susan Blackwell: He wasn't someone who like took on a side hustle during a self-quarantine while cooking, cleaning, homeschooling their kids and working their day job from home.

[52:13] Laura Camien: Right. He was more like David Geffen, just quarantining on his boats.

[52:18] Susan Blackwell: David Geffen's gonna go on being David Geffen from his boat, and he's gonna be fine. So let's like lay off the pressure to write the next King Lear or the next great Gatsby or the next Hamilton.

[52:31] Laura Camien: Listen, if you have it in you and you're able to, please proceed. The world will be better for it. But again, if you are taking care of yourself or others' physical and mental well-being right now, you are doing enough.

[52:45] Susan Blackwell: You're doing enough. I think this is brilliant. And if you catch a spark, I have friends who have caught sparks that are lighting them up and they are moved by the time sensitivity to make the thing. Like Simone Policano. I think about Heidi Blickenstaff and Nicholas Rolfing with uh some work that they're doing.

[53:07] Laura Camien: And they are on fire.

[53:10] Susan Blackwell: They are on fire. And they are, they wake up, get to work, and they work all day until they go to bed. Um, but there are other people that are just processing, they're using a lot of their capacity to make sure that they have a safe way to get food, that they make sure that their children are educated and just also processing all this rapid change, which it does uh eat up an enormous amount of capacity.

[53:32] Laura Camien: That's right. And let's also talk about privilege. Like some people may feel on fire with an idea and simply cannot take it on because their job has become more important to the household than it ever was. You know what I mean? It can be a million things, but I think no matter what we're feeling right now, it's clear that self-compassion is something that we're gonna need to embrace in order to get through this.

[54:02] Susan Blackwell: I know you know, Suze, like I sometimes struggle with self-compassion. Like I have this standard in my mind that I think is reasonable for other people, and I'm kind and compassionate towards them, but I have this different, very unrealistic expectation for myself.

[54:19] Laura Camien: So I sort of understand the idea conceptually, but it's somehow not okay for me to not be as productive as possible during this pandemic.

[54:28] Susan Blackwell: So I say this for myself as much as anyone else. Like I got to work on the self-compassion in this moment. Um I read another article this week that was a source of some fantastic perspective on this for me.

[54:43] Laura Camien: It was the Harvard Business Review.

[54:45] Susan Blackwell: Scott Baronato wrote that what we are feeling is grief.

[54:51] Laura Camien: It's grief.

[54:52] Susan Blackwell: And when I read that, I just took a big breath. Like I have met this monster before on a very deep level, like when my mom died. And I know that experiencing grief can take on many forms and it can shape shift through various stages, like moving forward and moving backwards.

[55:13] Laura Camien: And as I read this article, I just felt completely seen and fully recognized. And why, like we were talking in the beginning of just like there's going to be moving forward, there's going to be moving backwards, there's going to be like I got punched and I almost fell down and I swung back up.

[55:20] Susan Blackwell: I got punched and I went all the way down and I stayed down for a couple days. There's gonna be all that, you know.

[55:41] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[55:41] Susan Blackwell: So for anyone who hasn't studied grief, this writer, Scott Baronato interviewed the world's top grief specialist.

[55:50] Laura Camien: His name is David Kessler.

[55:52] Susan Blackwell: He wrote, well, he co-wrote with Elizabeth Kubler Ross the book called On Grief and Grieving, Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. This is a man who's been studying grief his whole life. He's worked in multiple hospital systems, he's been on biohazard teams, he's a specialist for the LAPD for traumatic events.

[56:14] Laura Camien: He's the founder of grief.com.

[56:17] Susan Blackwell: This man has really seen it and I suspect felt it all.

[56:22] Susan Blackwell: Wow. So according to David Kessler, we're all feeling several types of grief at one time, and it's important to name it. Um, people have lost their health, or for some, their life or the life of loved ones. People have lost jobs that they love. People have lost jobs that they didn't love, but jobs needed to pay the bills. They've lost freedoms, hopefully temporarily. They've lost opportunities for personal and professional growth. Like, I can't stop thinking about people who maybe had just taken a leap of faith in their career.

[57:01] Susan Blackwell: Or people who were on the verge of a career change or a big career milestone, and the sense that some of those things got canceled, and trying to hold the momentum of that through this unspecified amount of time.

[57:27] Laura Camien: Whereas they might the future might have seemed so clear a few months ago with a plan in place, but everything is blurry and uncertain now.

[57:38] Susan Blackwell: Like the loss is everywhere. But there is a real power in naming it and allowing yourself to feel it. Um, there's a lot of people, including David Kessler, who think that like one of the downsides of the self-help movement is that it may have created a situation where it isn't okay to feel what you're feeling.

[58:01] Laura Camien: For example, you may feel sad or overwhelmed, but then you immediately say, Well, I shouldn't feel sad.

[58:08] Susan Blackwell: Like, look at all the other people who have it worse than me. So I can't feel sad. Or I feel overwhelmed. But look at all these other people who were being productive. I shouldn't feel overwhelmed. What's wrong with me that I feel that way? A double arrow.

[58:20] Laura Camien: So you feel whatever the initial feeling was, and then there's the second arrow of I shouldn't feel that way, or I'm mad at myself, or I feel bad that I can't control myself and my feelings.

[58:32] Susan Blackwell: So it's a one-to-double arrow. And Kessler would say you have to let these feelings happen. Like whether or not anyone else is feeling the feeling at the same time doesn't matter.

[58:47] Laura Camien: Even though right now I can pretty much guarantee whatever you are feeling, you are not alone. Someone out there is also feeling it. Um, but emotions need movement, you know, your body is like producing the hormones and the emotions are there whether you acknowledge them or not.

[59:03] Susan Blackwell: So if you can acknowledge, let yourself feel it instead of feeling like, no, I can't let myself feel it today. I need to get, I need to be productive, I need to do something, you know. If you can let yourself feel it, it will pass and move through you and move right on out.

[59:22] Laura Camien: But you know, as we all know, what we resist persists. So if we try to keep it from happening, we're only going to keep it around longer.

[59:31] Susan Blackwell: So one thing I found fascinating is that they have officially added a sixth stage to the stages of grief.

[59:39] Laura Camien: For a long time.

[59:40] Susan Blackwell: Yeah, this is official. And a new book just came out, um, I think in November of last year. So for a long time, there were five stages, but Kessler and the medical community agreed that there is, in fact, a sixth.

[59:55] Laura Camien: So just a super quick overview. A refresher on the stages of grief and loss.

[1:00:01] Susan Blackwell: First of all, know that they are not linear, they don't happen chronologically. So you can bounce around within these within a day's time, within a week's time, you can go back and forward and redo them. It's great.

[1:00:15] Laura Camien: Um, it's real fun when you're in it.

[1:00:18] Susan Blackwell: Uh, balancing around the five stages of grief are denial, which happens typically early on.

[1:00:27] Laura Camien: Like, this virus won't affect me.

[1:00:30] Susan Blackwell: This virus is a hoax, this is an overreaction, this is ridiculous. Uh anger, that's this is bullshit.

[1:00:39] Laura Camien: You're taking away my jobs and my activities, and I have to pay the price for this. Like, you can't make me stay home.

[1:00:45] Susan Blackwell: There's bargaining.

[1:00:47] Laura Camien: Okay, okay, if we all just stay home and social distance for two weeks or maybe three weeks, everything's gonna be better, right? We can all go back to normal.

[1:00:55] Susan Blackwell: There's sadness, I've lost opportunities that I will never get back. I don't know how long this will go on. I feel alone.

[1:01:05] Laura Camien: And finally, there's acceptance.

[1:01:08] Susan Blackwell: There's no way around this. This is happening, it's out of my control. I have to figure out how to proceed nonetheless.

[1:01:17] Laura Camien: So, acceptance, as you can imagine, and as you well know, is where the real power is.

[1:01:23] Susan Blackwell: Like rather than trying to have all the answers and anticipate everything that could happen, we can find peace in acceptance.

[1:01:30] Laura Camien: Like, what are the things that I can control? I can wash my hands, I can keep a safe distance, I can learn some new technology so that I can work virtually.

[1:01:40] Susan Blackwell: Those are the things that you know I accept are within my reach. But recently, the sixth stage of grief has been added, and the sixth stage is finding meaning.

[1:01:56] Laura Camien: Oh yes, right.

[1:01:59] Susan Blackwell: And it came about because David Kessler lost his son, his son died, and he found that once he got to the acceptance stage, it wasn't enough. He felt he wanted to find meaning in his son's life and in his death, and he wanted to give it meaning.

[1:02:20] Laura Camien: And you see that happening now too.

[1:02:23] Susan Blackwell: For some, like the meaning of all of this is family time, like bringing their loved ones closer and cutting out the static in their lives.

[1:02:32] Laura Camien: For others, it's being of service, and if they can help other people, then going through this will have been worth it.

[1:02:39] Susan Blackwell: Amazing. For other people, it's slowing down, it's taking stock of their priority.

[1:02:47] Laura Camien: This is so good.

[1:02:49] Susan Blackwell: Um, for some people, finding the meaning is perhaps appreciating their bodies more, taking walks and taking care of themselves more gently. Um, and all of this is true, all of it is valid.

[1:03:03] Laura Camien: And if you're doing any of these things, you are doing enough.

[1:03:08] Susan Blackwell: When I started to think about our section, you know, we always try to do what will we what do we make of what do we make of it? Right?

[1:03:16] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[1:03:17] Susan Blackwell: Um a little something different today. When I thought of talking about what do we make of it? I thought of a poem by Emma Zek.

[1:03:25] Laura Camien: You can find Emma at Emma Zec.com.

[1:03:28] Susan Blackwell: She is a self-described writer, spiritual teacher, mystic, complex trauma survivor, and a recovery coach. Emma wrote this poem that several people that I know shared on social media.

[1:03:41] Laura Camien: My friend Lila Wise shared it, Sarah Borelis shared it, and many, many poems.

[1:03:46] Susan Blackwell: Yeah, I think you're gonna recognize it. I think it sums up a really beautiful what do we make of it? So I offer you this.

[1:03:56] Laura Camien: With this open time, you do not have to write the next best-selling novel.

[1:03:56] Susan Blackwell: You do not have to get into the best shape of your life. You do not have to start that podcast.

[1:04:08] Laura Camien: What you can do instead is observe this pause as an opportunity.

[1:04:13] Susan Blackwell: The same systems we see crumbling in society are being called to crumble in each of us individually.

[1:04:21] Laura Camien: The systems that taught us we are machines that live to produce and we are disposable if we're not doing so.

[1:04:28] Susan Blackwell: The systems that taught us monetary gain takes priority over humanity, the systems that create our insecurities and then capitalize off of them.

[1:04:40] Laura Camien: What if we became curious with this free time and had no agenda other than to experience being?

[1:04:48] Susan Blackwell: What if you created art for the sake of creating? What if you allowed yourself to rest and cry and laugh and play and get curious about whatever arises in you?

[1:05:03] Laura Camien: What if our true purpose is in this space?

[1:05:07] Susan Blackwell: As if Mother Earth is saying we can no longer carry on this way. The time is now. I am reminding you who you are. Will you remember?

[1:05:20] Laura Camien: And that is by Emma Zach.

[1:05:22] Susan Blackwell: And I'll just leave you with this. If you are following the guidelines to protect the public health, if you are compassionately caring for yourself and others, you are doing enough.

[1:05:25] Laura Camien: Doing enough.

[1:05:41] Susan Blackwell: Cammy, that is gorgeous.

[1:05:45] Laura Camien: Listen, there's a lot of takes on all of what's happening.

[1:05:51] Susan Blackwell: How lucky are we to be living at this time and observing all of all of it?

[1:06:00] Laura Camien: Oh my God.

[1:06:03] Susan Blackwell: I love you so much.

[1:06:05] Laura Camien: Oh, I want to offer you a Kleenex.

[1:06:09] Susan Blackwell: You can't. You can't hug me. You can't Kleenex me.

[1:06:14] Laura Camien: Oh, I'm just I'm thankful.

[1:06:18] Susan Blackwell: That's so beautiful. I'm so thankful for all the people who are doing things to make the world a better place right now.

[1:06:25] Laura Camien: And I am thankful for the perspective that it's okay if we're taking care of our little corner of the world.

[1:06:35] Susan Blackwell: You know?

[1:06:36] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[1:06:38] Susan Blackwell: That is gorgeous. I feel like I was a thirsty, thirsty person, and you just gave me a great big glass of water.

[1:06:50] Laura Camien: I'll give you all the water I have.

[1:06:53] Susan Blackwell: I'll have to edit out just like long crying pauses, but oh my God. It's a it's a really I was I was doing an online appearance the other night, and I they were before we went live, they were like, How are you doing?

[1:07:09] Laura Camien: And I was like, uh, it's like I'm on a roller coaster and there's ups and there's downs and then there's inversions and loop-de-loos, and simultaneously I'm swimming in gratitude.

[1:07:21] Susan Blackwell: So I am yeah, mixing my metaphors and saying I'm swimming on a roller coaster. In gratitude.

[1:07:27] Laura Camien: Never more so than in this moment.

[1:07:29] Susan Blackwell: Um just swimming on a roller coaster.

[1:07:34] Laura Camien: Um Camille, I really, really appreciated that.

[1:07:37] Susan Blackwell: And I I want to sit and think more about these different stages of grieving.

[1:07:45] Laura Camien: And I think it is beautiful that finding meaning, which I feel like is right in line with what you and I.

[1:07:54] Susan Blackwell: We talk about it, we teach about it, but it is if you have to live through something, you might as well make something out of it.

[1:07:54] Laura Camien: You might as well make something beautiful out of it.

[1:08:01] Susan Blackwell: You might as well make something of service out of it. It doesn't mean that it has to happen today, but I think that this experience is a profound experience that it's a marathon that all of us are running and will continue to run for quite some time.

[1:08:19] Laura Camien: And someday, one day, y'all might want to make something out of it.

[1:08:24] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. And I hope in the meantime, you're doing what you need to do to care for yourself in your corner of the world.

[1:08:30] Laura Camien: And I hope you're also taking good notes.

[1:08:35] Susan Blackwell: Take good notes, everybody.

[1:08:37] Laura Camien: Oh, Cammy and thank you.

[1:08:39] Susan Blackwell: That was gorgeous.

[1:08:40] Laura Camien: Thank you.

[1:08:40] Susan Blackwell: This was good.

[1:08:42] Laura Camien: Back in the saddle.

[1:08:43] Susan Blackwell: Back in the saddle.

[1:08:44] Laura Camien: Our first quarantine episode, but not our last.

[1:08:47] Susan Blackwell: Woo-hoo.

[1:08:48] Laura Camien: We can do this.

[1:08:50] Susan Blackwell: Listen, everybody, I think that's it.

[1:08:53] Laura Camien: Is that it, Cammy?

[1:08:54] Susan Blackwell: I think it's it.

[1:08:55] Laura Camien: We hope that this put another bunch of sparks in your file.

[1:08:58] Susan Blackwell: Listen, if there is a spark you'd like us to explore, or if you've taken a spark and fanned it into a creative flame, or if you've caught a spark, you're making something and you're sharing out in the world and you'd like us to signal boost it, won't you email us at the sparkfile at gmail.com or submit it through our website, even better, thesparkfile.com.

[1:09:18] Laura Camien: And you know we're happy to take your feedback anytime, but there is a small price of admission.

[1:09:25] Susan Blackwell: First, you got to share a creative risk that you've taken recently.

[1:09:28] Laura Camien: You can also follow us on social media at the Sparkfile.

[1:09:31] Susan Blackwell: And be sure to subscribe to this podcast wherever you get your podcast.

[1:09:35] Laura Camien: Subscribe, rate, five star review it. If you like this podcast, oh, we hope you'll share it with people you love.

[1:09:41] Susan Blackwell: And if you didn't like it, for God's sakes, go do something else.

[1:09:45] Laura Camien: Go volunteer for invisible handsdeliver.org.

[1:09:48] Susan Blackwell: Jeez.

[1:09:49] Laura Camien: Do it.

[1:09:49] Susan Blackwell: And if something tickles your fancy and gets your creative juices flowing, we are writing you a forever permission slip to make that thing that's been knocking at your door.

[1:10:00] Laura Camien: It's your turn to take a spark and fan it into a flame.

[1:10:05] Susan Blackwell: You gotta be a creative queen.

[1:10:07] Laura Camien: You gotta be the greatest maker that's ever been.

[1:10:09] Susan Blackwell: You gotta sing and write and paint and live even in your quarantine, honey.

[1:10:15] Laura Camien: You gotta take it and I bump into something that inspires me.

[1:10:25] Susan Blackwell: I dump it in the spark files.

[1:10:29] Laura Camien: Could be something that I wanna make or how I wanna be.

[1:10:34] Susan Blackwell: I pump it in the spark fire.

[1:10:34] Laura Camien: Spark fire.

[1:10:39] Susan Blackwell: I jump into my spark fire.

[1:10:42] Laura Camien: Spark.

[1:10:44] Susan Blackwell: Let's open up the spark fire.

[1:10:49] Laura Camien: Hi, sweet quarantinies.

[1:10:51] Susan Blackwell: Thank you for hanging in with us.

[1:10:52] Laura Camien: As we mentioned at the top, that episode was our first recorded in isolated quarantine.

[1:10:58] Susan Blackwell: We know the sound's not perfect, but it's a pandemic, and we're not letting perfection be the enemy of good.

[1:11:03] Laura Camien: Know that we're working hard to make the next episode sound like one million dollars.

[1:11:09] Susan Blackwell: In the meantime, wash your hands.

[1:11:12] Laura Camien: Don't touch your face.