This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:10] Susan Blackwell: When I bump into something that inspires me, I jump in my spark file.

[0:18] Laura Camien: Spark file to be something that I wanna make or how I want to be.

[0:23] Susan Blackwell: I pump it in my spark spa.

[0:26] Laura Camien: Spark.

[0:28] Susan Blackwell: I jump into my sparks.

[0:32] Laura Camien: Let's open up the spark file.

[0:36] Laura Camien: Welcome to the Sparks File where we believe that everyone is creative, but smart creative people don't go it alone.

[0:43] Susan Blackwell: I'm Susan Blackwell, and we are creativity coaches who help people fear less, create more, and bring their creative visions to life.

[0:53] Laura Camien: If you are an OG member of the Sparkfile community, we would like to say, welcome back, Sparkler.

[0:53] Susan Blackwell: Welcome back.

[1:00] Laura Camien: If you're joining us for the first time, welcome for the first time.

[1:00] Susan Blackwell: Welcome for the first time.

[1:06] Laura Camien: Know that just by listening to this podcast, you are joining a warm and wonderful clan of creatives.

[1:13] Susan Blackwell: But you may be asking yourself, ladies, what exactly is a sparkfile?

[1:18] Laura Camien: Well, a sparkfile is a place where you consistently collect all of your inspirations and fascinations.

[1:25] Susan Blackwell: If you're like us and you're making stuff all the time, or you want to be making stuff all the time, you know if you're not careful, your campfire of creativity can flicker out.

[1:34] Laura Camien: But hey, don't despair. We're collecting kindling in the form of fresh ideas, images, and inspiration that spark creativity and pique curiosity to light a fire under our collective asses to make things like this podcast.

[1:53] Susan Blackwell: Or a key to unlock your own happiness.

[1:58] Laura Camien: Oh, I'm intrigued.

[2:01] Susan Blackwell: Every episode, we're gonna reach into our spark files and exchange some sparks.

[2:05] Laura Camien: And from time to time, we're gonna talk to some folks who spark us too.

[2:09] Susan Blackwell: That means we have more sparks than we can possibly use in this lifetime.

[2:13] Laura Camien: Woo!

[2:13] Susan Blackwell: Lordy, we sure do.

[2:15] Laura Camien: So if something lights you up, we encourage you to take that thing and make something out of it.

[2:21] Susan Blackwell: Without further ado, let's open up the Sparks Files Steam and Sparks.

[2:21] Laura Camien: Steam and Sparks.

[2:30] Susan Blackwell: Suze, I wanted to tell you something.

[2:34] Laura Camien: It's a little mini spark. It's a little follow-up from your amazing spark about Tony Morrison.

[2:42] Susan Blackwell: Oh, yes. What you got?

[2:45] Laura Camien: Tony Morrison's manuscripts are going to be on exhibit at Princeton this spring.

[2:54] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. That's right. Starting in February.

[2:56] Laura Camien: Yeah, that's in Jersey. It's opening February 22nd, which might be right around the time this episode airs.

[3:03] Susan Blackwell: Oh my God. What what what? Tell me more.

[3:07] Laura Camien: Well, I'm reading it in the New York Times. I'll send you this article.

[3:12] Susan Blackwell: But it's by Hillary M. Sheets. It's in the New York Times.

[3:16] Laura Camien: And it's essentially a campus-wide slate of public events and exhibitions. Uses the 200 linear feet of Morrison's personal papers acquired by Princeton in 2014 from the author as the springboard for new scholarship and cross-disciplinary collaborations.

[3:34] Susan Blackwell: So this project is bringing artists and scholars to Princeton who may not normally have come here and is pushing the thinking about what the archive can inspire.

[3:43] Laura Camien: I am interested.

[3:45] Susan Blackwell: I am as well. So we should explore this, as should you, listeners.

[3:51] Laura Camien: Uh, one of the things I loved about that documentary that was the foundation of that SPAC that I did on Tony Morrison, I would pause frame in that documentary when they showed pieces of her manuscript, specifically of the bluest eye.

[4:07] Susan Blackwell: I would pause it. I think I said this in the podcast, and I love seeing like, oh, the central character in that had a different name when that was typed, and clearly that was changed.

[4:20] Laura Camien: Interesting. Things like that. So I can imagine it would be really fun, especially for works that one might have some familiarity with to go and take it slow and read.

[4:35] Susan Blackwell: What a fun thing if you teach at Princeton.

[4:39] Laura Camien: We have a friend who teaches at Princeton.

[4:41] Susan Blackwell: Duane.

[4:42] Laura Camien: Yes, yes, we do. Brian Herrera.

[4:46] Susan Blackwell: I think a little visit may be in store.

[4:49] Laura Camien: And we'll say Brian. Brian, can we crash at your place?

[4:54] Susan Blackwell: And also want to come to this exhibit with us.

[4:57] Laura Camien: Ah.

[4:58] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. It's funny you just said what you said about seeing those changes because I was listening to the screenwriting podcast, and boy, I can't remember the name of it right now, and I do apologize for that.

[5:12] Laura Camien: I'm gonna tell you what it said anyway.

[5:14] Susan Blackwell: They were talking about the writing process, and it's one of the few artistic expressions that you rarely get to see the evolution of something and the process at work.

[5:27] Laura Camien: Now we do in the Sparks File, and it is glorious to make that visible.

[5:32] Susan Blackwell: But you really do have to seek this out.

[5:35] Laura Camien: What you're talking about is like, so they were saying we always see the end product and so rarely see anything in development as consumers of writing or storytelling.

[5:49] Susan Blackwell: And what you're talking about is doing exactly that, seeking out and having seen the final product, looking now at the work as it progressed and noticing, oh, these changes were made from this version to that version.

[6:04] Laura Camien: But it's a lot of work for a person to go and do that.

[6:06] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. If you weren't a part of its creation.

[6:07] Laura Camien: Yeah, it's really interesting.

[6:12] Susan Blackwell: I like, I really, really enjoy that, which is good because we have a job where we're extremely— it just so happens we get to do that.

[6:19] Laura Camien: Yes.

[6:20] Susan Blackwell: I don't know, it's rewarding and interesting to watch something develop and to have such a better understanding that like perfection doesn't really pop out of anybody, even Tony Morrison.

[6:33] Laura Camien: Yeah, you know, she puts clay on the wheel and then she shapes it into the thing she wants it to be.

[6:39] Susan Blackwell: That's right. That's right.

[6:41] Laura Camien: Yeah, baby.

[6:42] Susan Blackwell: Yeah, baby. Anyway, that's a little mini spark.

[6:45] Laura Camien: Remember, I told you I was collecting mini sparks in a mini spark file.

[6:48] Susan Blackwell: I was thinking about that this morning. I was like, I wonder if Laura Camien is going to share any of those little baby sparks.

[6:54] Laura Camien: I got one.

[6:55] Susan Blackwell: Ha ha. I love it.

[6:57] Laura Camien: Would you like a full-size spark?

[6:59] Susan Blackwell: An onch base size.

[7:01] Laura Camien: I'm ready for a full-size spark.

[7:03] Susan Blackwell: Give it to you.

[7:04] Laura Camien: I see you got a big beautiful cup of coffee over there.

[7:07] Susan Blackwell: I bet that was freshly poured right before we started podcasting.

[7:11] Laura Camien: It was freshly poured into my handmade Polish pottery mug that I do love so much.

[7:20] Susan Blackwell: Beautiful. When I was at home visiting my sister recently, she had some Polish pottery, and I said, you know who else has some of that? Little baby cans.

[7:29] Laura Camien: Was it shaped like this? Was it coffee mugs shaped like this?

[7:32] Susan Blackwell: I love them. And also plates.

[7:34] Laura Camien: Uh plates.

[7:35] Susan Blackwell: Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[7:36] Laura Camien: I don't have any of that. Like it's mostly the mugs for me.

[7:40] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. I've got a couple of little canisters and really cute shaped canisters that we keep things in in the kitchen, but it's mostly the mugs.

[7:47] Laura Camien: I think for her, it's mostly the— come to think of it, it's mostly the plates.

[7:51] Susan Blackwell: Is this scintillating for you listeners? You like this?

[7:53] Laura Camien: We'll need to post a photo of the Polish Pottery Corner.

[7:59] Susan Blackwell: Hey, listen, I just might do a spark on Polish pottery.

[8:03] Laura Camien: So do it.

[8:04] Susan Blackwell: Uh we might do a month. We might do a weekly segment.

[8:07] Laura Camien: So strap in.

[8:09] Susan Blackwell: I've got enough mugs for us to do that, just so you know.

[8:14] Laura Camien: That's not what today's spark is about.

[8:16] Susan Blackwell: It's not. Tell me what today's spark is about, Suze.

[8:19] Susan Blackwell: I'm gonna do it. So I'll kick it off in this way. Back in January, in the middle of a work day, you and I are working.

[8:26] Laura Camien: We're on a Zoom.

[8:27] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. It's 3:58 p.m. Eastern time on a Tuesday.

[8:31] Laura Camien: Okay.

[8:32] Susan Blackwell: We're about to go into our weekly tea meeting on Zoom.

[8:35] Laura Camien: The meeting is scheduled to start in two minutes, and my phone rings.

[8:39] Susan Blackwell: And it's my friend Kyle.

[8:41] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[8:42] Susan Blackwell: Now a little backstory on Kyle. Kyle and I worked together for oh gosh, time as a construct. I'm gonna say five or six years, but Nana Susan is not great at remembering that kind of stuff.

[8:53] Laura Camien: But we worked together in very close quarters under a very, very tough boss.

[9:00] Susan Blackwell: This boss was intense in ten cities, but Kyle and I had each other.

[9:07] Laura Camien: And I frequently say that our friendship was forged in the fire of Mount Doom.

[9:12] Susan Blackwell: Oh God, that's very visceral.

[9:17] Laura Camien: It was very intense.

[9:20] Susan Blackwell: Wow.

[9:21] Laura Camien: And we were like, I always thought of little Hansel and Gretel in the dark forest, but we had each other.

[9:30] Susan Blackwell: So for a good healthy part of the time we worked together, our desks were situated so that if you can picture it, it was two desks that were sort of they faced each other, and our computer monitors were back to back.

[9:44] Laura Camien: So if the computer monitor wasn't there, he and I would be facing each other.

[9:49] Susan Blackwell: And so to see each other, all we had to do was just like rise up over the computer monitor, or just like peek to the right or peek to the left, and you could sort of see your little workmate.

[10:02] Laura Camien: But Camille, I'm telling you, and you'll understand this because you and I spend hours together, but the hours Kyle and I have spent together, the laughter we have shared, the tears we have shed, the contracts we have proofed, the reports we have drafted, the refrigerators we've defrosted together, the bullshit that we've endured together.

[10:27] Susan Blackwell: I fucking love Kyle and his husband Ben.

[10:33] Laura Camien: Oh I officiated their wedding.

[10:35] Susan Blackwell: I mean, I love them.

[10:39] Laura Camien: I love them.

[10:41] Susan Blackwell: And I know that I would have loved them had we not worked together, but because we had like we walked that rocky road together.

[10:50] Laura Camien: Being in the trench together, it bonds you.

[10:53] Susan Blackwell: Right.

[10:54] Laura Camien: A wartime analogy is cast.

[10:56] Susan Blackwell: Yeah.

[10:57] Laura Camien: So that's Kyle. So around the holidays that we just experienced at the end of 22 and going into 23, I was thinking about Kyle.

[11:07] Susan Blackwell: Kyle and I don't see each other as much as we once did.

[11:10] Laura Camien: Our lives have changed.

[11:12] Susan Blackwell: So Kyle and Ben now have two little kids. They both have big jobs in the big city.

[11:17] Laura Camien: And you know me, I moved to the side of a mountain.

[11:20] Susan Blackwell: So I'm thinking about them over the holidays and I'm missing them.

[11:24] Laura Camien: And I thought about reaching out to them, but if I'm honest, the next thought that I had was, uh, they must be busy.

[11:34] Susan Blackwell: And again, if I'm honest, I also thought they've got big lives, they've got a lot going on. They don't need another person like trying to get their attention.

[11:42] Laura Camien: Tapping, tap, tapping at their window.

[11:44] Susan Blackwell: And if I'm even more honest with myself, I this is weird to be this honest on a podcast, but I'll say I think I had this sort of narrative brewing at the edges of my consciousness about my relevance in their lives.

[12:05] Laura Camien: Oh that they sort of have what they need, so they don't necessarily need my mug up in the mix.

[12:12] Susan Blackwell: So I see I got this call from Kyle a little bit before four o'clock. On a work day, and you know, we're supposed to start our meeting.

[12:21] Laura Camien: You were like, I gotta take this.

[12:22] Susan Blackwell: I have well, I had that uh-oh feeling, is everyone okay?

[12:26] Laura Camien: Uh-huh.

[12:26] Susan Blackwell: Because it's you know, we're all busy working people, and it's unusual for that.

[12:32] Laura Camien: So I took the call, and you started the meeting, and here's what Kyle said when I picked up the phone.

[12:41] Susan Blackwell: He goes, I didn't expect you to answer. I was gonna leave you a message. Do you have time for a seven-minute call?

[12:48] Laura Camien: Oh, and I said, I know what this is.

[12:52] Susan Blackwell: Yes, yes, I have time.

[12:55] Laura Camien: So, in a moment, I made a very quick decision that I was gonna make time for this.

[13:04] Susan Blackwell: I just want to take a moment to tell you, Laura Camien, how thankful I am and how happy I am that we have created a work situation where I can make a decision to take a call like that when it feels important.

[13:19] Laura Camien: Uh-huh.

[13:20] Susan Blackwell: This hasn't always been the case.

[13:22] Laura Camien: Uh-huh.

[13:22] Susan Blackwell: And it certainly wasn't the case in that office where Kyle and I worked, where every conversation that we had was monitored by our boss. So I'm thankful for that. And I want to thank you for that. Thanks for running the beginning of that meeting, but I digress. So Kyle asks if I have time for the seven-minute call, and I say yes. And then Kyle says, Susan Blackwell, you have been heavy on my mind and on my heart for the last couple of weeks. Oh, and I don't know if you read that thing in the New York Times, and I was like, Yes, baby, yes! And right back at you. Yes, he's like, it's like the seven days of well-being or the seven days of happiness, or something like that. The technical title of it is the seven-day happiness challenge.

So, anyway, Kyle's like, it's about the importance of connections and friendship and relationships in your life. And I was looking at that. This is Kyle speaking. I'm looking at that each day. And I was thinking about you a lot. And he goes on and he says, It's funny, right now I feel pretty great and fulfilled and happy. And I thought to myself, I do. I have a lot of great relationships, and I feel pretty connected with everyone I want to be connected with, save one. And that's you. Oh my gosh. Only one. I was like, Kyle. Oh. Kyle. Like, as he was saying it, I was just like, you are a mind reader. I wish I could say that I summoned you. Like, but I think that you both had you had such a strong connection that both of you were thinking about each other at similar times.

[15:03] Laura Camien: At similar times, yeah.

[15:04] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. So he goes on. He talks about how it came to the first day of the challenge, and it was all about making time with people that you love and feel connected to by just committing to a brief phone call. Because so often we have this feeling that there are some people that we feel so close to and so connected to that it's easy to let them slip away because you know that you'll always be connected with that person. And he said, I know that you and I will always have a bond. And so I think you'll be there at any time. But the fact of the matter is, you won't. We won't. And people do slip away from you. And then he said, and I feel like you and I have this very intimate connection, but I haven't felt connected to you in the last couple of years.

And I don't want to let our relationship slip away. I would like to feel connected to you. Oh. I don't think that has to mean anything in particular. I don't need to make a plan to see you right away necessarily. I don't need to say that I'm going to call you every week or anything like that. But I want to do whatever it takes to make sure that we still feel connected to one another in a way that honors the bond that we have. So this is my seven-minute phone call. Do you want to give me a two-minute update about you? And I'll give you a two-minute update about me.

[16:24] Laura Camien: Oh my gosh.

[16:29] Susan Blackwell: Kyle and I ended up talking for 17 awesome minutes. I was 15 minutes late to our meeting, if you're doing the math. And when I got on the Zoom, you said, Is everything okay? And I said, Everything is okay. Everyone is okay. That wasn't an emergency, but it was important.

[16:51] Laura Camien: Yes.

[16:52] Susan Blackwell: And Laura, even just saying it now and recollecting it and recounting it to you. I just have chills. It felt so wonderful. It felt like something profound had happened. I cannot tell you how much that call that Kyle placed to me. I cannot tell you how much it meant.

[17:15] Laura Camien: Oh I believe it.

[17:17] Susan Blackwell: I believe it. And I remember talking about it and thinking, yeah, that's how it's done. And I wanted to go back and read that New York Times article, which I have not done. I'm guilty of that, but I remember thinking about it.

[17:29] Laura Camien: Let me serve you up the book report.

[17:31] Susan Blackwell: Oh, please do, please do. And I want to say also thank you, Kyle, because like that is really showing us all how it can be done. That is how it's done.

[17:41] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[17:41] Susan Blackwell: And we'll get to it in a little bit, but I think that requires a certain measure of vulnerability to do what Kyle did.

[17:48] Laura Camien: Absolutely.

[17:48] Susan Blackwell: Absolutely. We'll talk more about that in a second. Okay. The reason why I had that aha of recognition that I could go, like, Kyle, I do know what you're doing and keep doing it, is because I had bumped into the series that Kyle was referring to. Beginning on New Year's Day, 2023, the New York Times ran a seven-day happiness challenge. And it was a series of articles and suggestions, challenges, if you will, for strengthening the social ties in your life that are a predictor for happiness.

[18:21] Laura Camien: Wow.

[18:22] Susan Blackwell: And Kyle was referring specifically to one of the entries in that series.

[18:26] Laura Camien: So was it like one thing every day, or is it like a few different one, two, three things every day that you could try?

[18:36] Susan Blackwell: Like you just said, Laura. I had been interested in that series, but you know, I'm interested in a lot of things. And it kind of got away from me in the way that it probably kind of got away from you. But that call from Kyle and the impact that it had on just like this flush of like connectedness and well-being and like across the miles, just like the oxytocin and the I just oh the gratitude I have to Kyle for reaching out and just strengthening that connection. I was like, this is the shit. So it renewed my interest. I went back, I decided to give it a spin, which brings me to my spark today. Thank you, Kyle Altoff. It's the New York Times seven-day happiness challenge.

[19:22] Laura Camien: Oh, thank you, Kyle.

[19:24] Susan Blackwell: Thank you, Suze. I'm excited for this.

[19:26] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[19:27] Susan Blackwell: So this series was produced by Deanna Donegan, Hang Do Tai Duck, and Umi Siam, and it kicks off with an article written by Jancy Dunn. In fact, it seems like this entire series was written by Jancy Dunn in collaboration with Dr. Bob Waldinger. Dr. Bob Waldinger, I hope I'm pronouncing that right, is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the author of the book, The Good Life, Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. And I'm going to kick off this spark by reading a passage straight from this article. I want to thank Jancy Dunn for this writing. I want to thank Dr. Bob Waldinger for your life's work. But here's Jancy's words. In 1938, researchers at Harvard set out to learn what makes a person thrive.

They recruited 724 participants, a combination of students at Harvard College and low-income teenage boys in Boston. All were willing to let the researchers track their lives from childhood troubles to first loves to final days. Every five years, the researchers gathered health records from the participants. They asked detailed questions about their lives at two-year intervals, and in later years, took DNA samples and performed brain scans. Twenty-five of the participants even donated their brains to the study after their deaths.

[21:02] Laura Camien: Wow.

[21:03] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. Now, 85 years later, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has expanded to three generations, and more than 1,3300 descendants of the original subjects. It is, according to researchers, the longest running in-depth study on human happiness in the world.

[21:25] Laura Camien: Now, Suze, I'm gonna stop you for a second, because I think I saw a little bit. Is this the one where, like, of course, they started with all men and boys, and then about 70 years into it, that can't be right. But many years into it, they were like, Oh, let's add their wives. So there were women included at that point too, correct?

[21:47] Susan Blackwell: This is an annex of the spark that I was so focused on the challenge that this is an annex of the spark that I'm not sure about, but I'm interested in that. And I bet if I had clicked through a bunch of the links, yeah, that I would have learned that.

[22:04] Laura Camien: Yeah, I think so because I think I saw that like on social media, and now that I think about it, they were probably promoting this series. Like had I had I gone through there, yeah. And ultimately, I'm guessing they're promoting his book, but also the altruist in me wants to believe they're promoting happiness.

[22:24] Susan Blackwell: Happiness, of course, yeah.

[22:26] Laura Camien: Of course, yeah. And I love what you said, just so I'm clear, like, and now by following the descendants of some of these people, we're talking intergenerational.

[22:36] Susan Blackwell: That's right, as well.

[22:38] Laura Camien: Okay, that's right. This is fascinating.

[22:39] Susan Blackwell: Isn't it amazing?

[22:40] Laura Camien: It is it blows my mind. I feel like this seven-day happiness challenge just like rests on the shoulders of literally decades of research. And yeah, I love this use of research and science to make average Schmoes like me make our lives better on a day-to-day basis. I really appreciate the work that these people did.

[23:01] Susan Blackwell: Listen, we can learn from it.

[23:03] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[23:03] Susan Blackwell: And all the subjects that participated in this, I'm thankful to them as well.

[23:09] Laura Camien: Absolutely.

[23:10] Susan Blackwell: Thanks for donating your brains. So from all the data, one very clear finding emerged. I'm gonna say this, and I want y'all to hear it. Strong relationships are what make for a happy life. More than wealth, IQ, or social class, it's the robustness of our bonds that most determines whether we feel fulfilled. Again, those words were written by Jancy Dunn in the New York Times. And I think this is worth pausing to take in. Strong relationships are what make for a happy life. So many people are looking for happiness or looking for the secret to happiness. And it's right there in the New York Times. Strong relationships are what make for a happy life. Substantiated by research.

[24:05] Laura Camien: Boy, if you listen to last week's episode, Suze and I continued our conversation afterwards and talked a little bit more about people we might apologize to and details and whatnot. And I was reflecting on a good number of people who I in my mind's eye am like, wow, they're good people, they're quality people, they're yeah, um, you know, they have uh integrity, and they attempted for years, they kind of were in the periphery of my life, sort of attempting to be my friend. And as you say this to me now, Suze, I'm just like, oh my gosh. I was so wrapped up in other stuff, other things I needed to learn, obviously, to grow as a human being, but I was so wrapped up in other stuff and work, as we've talked about before. Work, work, work, work, work. And always like people will come later. And I'm just want to acknowledge I'm feeling a little bit of pain.

[25:05] Susan Blackwell: Well, listen, here's the good news. You're still breathing. And I think for the most part, those high-quality people are still breathing. And you get to learn from this spark. I could make some phone calls like Kyle did. Like my boy Kyle.

[25:24] Laura Camien: That's right.

[25:25] Susan Blackwell: Okay, I'm in it. I'm totally with you. I'm tracking and I'm learning.

[25:29] Laura Camien: Okay.

[25:30] Susan Blackwell: So uh yes, hang in there. It's worth it. It's also worth mentioning. This is a concept that I have known consciously for quite a few years now. I but I think the first time that I bumped into this concept was via a PBS documentary series entitled This Emotional Life, which I highly recommend. That's another spark for another day, but that is a great series.

[25:55] Laura Camien: And Suze, you talked about this when you did a spark on the book, The Art of Dying Well.

[26:01] Susan Blackwell: Oh, did I know?

[26:02] Susan Blackwell: Now, it was in terms of like later in your life, make sure you have these strong relationships, right? And that's gonna get into it.

[26:11] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[26:11] Susan Blackwell: Yep. So anyway, you introduced that concept to me at that time, and I've never forgotten that.

[26:18] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[26:19] Susan Blackwell: We'll touch on that a little bit as well.

[26:21] Laura Camien: Awesome.

[26:22] Susan Blackwell: So there's another little spark for your spark file, this emotional life. I think now available on Amazon Prime. Some I've chased that through the years to find it on different platforms. Because I go back to it. It's very good. But the whole series, spoiler, concludes with them saying, what we've learned is secret to happiness. Strong relationships are what make for a happy life.

[26:44] Laura Camien: So back to the New York Times, back to Jancy Dunn.

[26:48] Susan Blackwell: Jancy goes on and writes The Harvard study is far from the only one to have found a link between our relationships and our happiness. Ample research shows that people who are more socially connected live longer and are more protected against stress, depression, and declines in memory and language.

[27:09] Laura Camien: Loneliness, on the other hand, damages our physical health.

[27:13] Susan Blackwell: Surgeon General Vivek Murphy says, I believe loneliness is one of the defining public health concerns of our time. While the pandemic exacerbated loneliness, he added, it also helped many people take stock of their lives and reflect more deeply on how important their relationships are.

[27:33] Laura Camien: That means taking steps in our day-to-day lives to invest in them.

[27:37] Susan Blackwell: Jancy writes, it's not just your bonds with friends and family that are crucial to your happiness. It's your relationships with romantic partners and community groups. It's the friendly conversation with your mail carrier or the acquaintance you see at the dog run.

[27:54] Laura Camien: Yes.

[27:54] Susan Blackwell: So that is what the New York Times seven day happiness challenge centers on strengthening social connections in order to boost happiness, which I think in and of itself is very interesting.

[28:09] Laura Camien: And day one kicks it off strong with a 13-question quiz designed in partnership with Dr. Robert Waldinger, that professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

[28:22] Susan Blackwell: The quiz is very quick and it's a very simple assessment of the strength of your social connections. And it has questions like, how many people could you call in the middle of the night if you needed help?

[28:36] Laura Camien: Think about it, Camps.

[28:37] Susan Blackwell: Mm-hmm.

[28:38] Laura Camien: Well, it would kind of depend on what I needed help with, because proximity, like, do they need to be someone you know close by or could they be further away? But in general, who could you wake up? Who could you wake up if you needed to? One, two, three. I mean, there might be a few others, but they might be real curious, like what the hell?

[28:59] Susan Blackwell: Uh-huh. You know what I mean? It might be a bit out of the blue, but yeah.

[29:03] Laura Camien: I know we haven't talked in a minute. First, tell me how you're doing.

[29:05] Susan Blackwell: Well, I'm realizing, Laura, you may, I don't want to jump your spark, so you might get to this, you might not, but I'm realizing in recent years, and by recent, I mean probably a decade. I've prided myself on being someone who doesn't really need, like, I don't call people with emotional problems so much anymore.

[29:26] Laura Camien: Uh-huh.

[29:26] Susan Blackwell: You know what I mean? Like all that drama that I used to, which probably did serve to bond me to certain people at a certain point in my life, but I don't have that now. Like my life is so much steadier.

[29:40] Laura Camien: I agree with that, but I also think if you were experiencing, God forbid, chest pains in the middle of the night.

[29:49] Susan Blackwell: Yeah.

[29:50] Laura Camien: I can for on your behalf, yeah. I can count a lot of people that you could call.

[29:57] Susan Blackwell: That's funny. Because as you said that, I'm like, oh well, that okay. I could call yeah, there's a few more people I could call. Yeah, maybe five people.

[30:06] Laura Camien: Okay, here's another one. Do you participate in any group activities either in person or virtually?

[30:13] Susan Blackwell: Virtually I do.

[30:14] Laura Camien: That's right.

[30:15] Susan Blackwell: The Sparks Mile. High quality. I mean, the relationships that we have in the Sparks Mile are extraordinary and are fast becoming the strongest relationships in my life.

[30:27] Laura Camien: Yeah, they're fun and they're deep.

[30:28] Susan Blackwell: They're fun and they're deep. Which is the best, best combo.

[30:31] Laura Camien: Absolutely. Here's another one. When was the last time you said yes when someone initiated a social plan with you?

[30:37] Susan Blackwell: I'm well, like today.

[30:39] Laura Camien: Today.

[30:40] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. It's not even been 24 hours.

[30:43] Laura Camien: Yes.

[30:43] Susan Blackwell: There you go. You're doing great. So Jancy stresses in her reporting things like there is no right number of friends. It's the quality of your relationships, not the quantity. So you want to try to discern what is most fulfilling to you. These are all her words. I just want to stress.

[30:59] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[31:00] Susan Blackwell: She says, you don't need to be an extrovert to improve your social fitness. She writes that exactly. She writes that while adult friendships require effort, happiness is not out of reach for you if you are shy or introverted. You can engage with others in quieter settings around things that you care about.

[31:20] Laura Camien: She says, try small controlled activities such as a knitting group, a computer programming class, hiking.

[31:27] Susan Blackwell: I'll add a creativity coaching group, like the Sparks. I mean, Jancy didn't write that. I did that. But yeah, I mean, that makes sense to me though, because you know, gravitate towards things you care about. It doesn't have to be like day drinking or SantaCon. It can be something that is quieter or smaller groups.

[31:48] Laura Camien: Can I tell you a little something that has delighted me recently? So Wes used to play on the Broadway League softball league.

[31:58] Susan Blackwell: Sure.

[31:59] Laura Camien: And I did too, like way, way, way back in the day. I think I did it for a year or two, but until you know, work again, work. I can't leave in the middle of a day for a softball game. Right. That kind of thing. But um Wes played it for years, and then when we returned to New York, he was gonna be on the team. But at a certain age, and if you're a performer, you do worry about like, well, shit, I don't want to injure myself sliding into home, yeah, and then I can't do the show. That's not gonna be good.

[32:28] Susan Blackwell: So he started to have just a little bit of reservation about that. And then recently he was told about the Broadway bowling league, and that Blue Man Group was going to have a Broadway bowling team. Guess who's on it? Wesley Day, and he went to it last night, and he and it's late on a Thursday night because it has to be after the show. So it starts at like 11:30. And if you know Wes Day, you know, he's usually asleep hours before 11:30.

[32:59] Laura Camien: Did he bowl till the sun came up?

[33:01] Susan Blackwell: He bowled for a couple hours, and um, he told me about it today. It sounded like so much fun, and he was like, babe, it's real casual. So, like if you come, you could bowl. And I was like, really? Oh, yeah. Really? Because that sounds delightful. And there are people there who've been doing it for 20 years. They're they're all brought, you know, Broadway people working backstage, and they're like, I did this show with them, and I did this show with them, and and we've been bowling for you know for 30 years. And it just sounds so delightful. And it just reminds me of what you just said. Something that feels easy, relaxed, no pressure.

[33:41] Laura Camien: Because you know what it will it takes to coax me out of the house, and especially that hour of night.

[33:47] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. So anyway, I'm just delighting in this because I feel like I haven't done it yet, but on behalf of Wes Day, like he's out there doing something fun and forging relationships.

[33:58] Laura Camien: I love that. And I also I want to share this next thing that Jancy says to speak to that feeling that you just had. It's never too late.

[34:09] Susan Blackwell: It's never too late.

[34:10] Laura Camien: Jancy cites this story about a lonely 68-year-old who joined a gym after he'd retired. Three months later, he had amassed more friends than he'd ever had in his life.

[34:23] Susan Blackwell: Wow.

[34:24] Laura Camien: So there's hope for all of us, is what we're trying to say.

[34:28] Susan Blackwell: I was happy to see that when I took the quiz, yeah, my social connections were stronger than I had anticipated, especially for an introvert who lives like a hermit on the side of a mountain and works from home.

[34:43] Laura Camien: Yeah, but what you do virtually, uh-huh.

[34:46] Susan Blackwell: And Suze, you are I mean, you inspire me all the time. Like you're meticulous with your relationships, but you also tend to them like little plants.

[34:56] Laura Camien: God, I feel like I fail at this.

[34:59] Susan Blackwell: Oh gosh.

[35:00] Laura Camien: I not by my not what I spy with my little eye. You seem on top of it.

[35:07] Susan Blackwell: You're kind.

[35:08] Laura Camien: I feel like I could do better. And this is inspiring me to do better. Not only for the relationships, but for my own happiness. Um, to refer back to something that you just mentioned, something that we discussed in the spark that I did about the art of dying well, something that I need to keep an eye on is I just need to make sure that my social connections don't shrink as I age.

[35:32] Susan Blackwell: Uh-huh.

[35:32] Laura Camien: Because I think it can happen so easily and kind of organically, and you really have to, like you were saying, tend it like little plants you have to tend.

[35:46] Susan Blackwell: So that last question, when was the last time you said yes when someone initiated a social plan with you? I read that and I was like, Eek.

[35:55] Laura Camien: You have one tomorrow, you have a social plan.

[35:57] Susan Blackwell: That's right.

[35:59] Laura Camien: So, as I just said, as an introvert living on the side of a mountain, I was like, who is going to initiate a social plan with me when by design I live a pretty solitudinal life, if you will. But then out of the blue, I get the nicest email from a friend of a friend, friend of a friend, I've never met them before, who happens to live near me, inviting me on a friend blind date.

[36:28] Susan Blackwell: I could not believe it when I got this email.

[36:31] Laura Camien: So awesome.

[36:32] Susan Blackwell: And I've got to tell you, like, I was excited, but also nervous. And I actually texted one of our mutuals to make sure that the person who emailed me is as awesome as they seemed, and I got a glowing endorsement.

[36:47] Laura Camien: Amazing.

[36:48] Susan Blackwell: So I was like, yes, and we're gonna meet each other for the first time tomorrow.

[36:52] Laura Camien: Yes.

[36:53] Susan Blackwell: So it turns out you actually can connect with people no matter how introverted you are, yeah, how remotely you live, like you can actually connect with people.

[37:04] Laura Camien: Yes.

[37:04] Susan Blackwell: And part of that, Laura, if I understand how it all rolled out, part of it is because you went to an event that engaged people, like intergenerational people.

[37:16] Laura Camien: I did. I went to an event, a generations over dinner event, which is curated conversations, and you sit at tables with, you know, approximately eight people from different generations, and it was just beautifully hosted and beautifully curated and moderated.

[37:37] Susan Blackwell: And I sent a thank you video back to the hosts of this evening. And what I didn't know is that, and I was said all the things I just said to you about how wonderful it was, and how I felt like I had lived on the side of a mountain for five years, and in one evening I had met my people.

[38:00] Laura Camien: Exactly.

[38:01] Susan Blackwell: And I was so thankful for it. What I didn't know is they forwarded that email to the people who had designed that dinner, and one of those people was the person who wrote back to me and said, I saw that video, and I would love to be your friend, essentially.

[38:20] Laura Camien: So, in a way, it was both you stepping out and saying yes to that event, and then this person stepping out and sending you a a blind friend date request.

[38:35] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. Like, like yes, yeah.

[38:37] Laura Camien: Yeah. People want people want to connect. And I just I just want to give you a little credit too, because you went to a totally new event and were like, I'm here for this. And what you discovered was magical.

[38:50] Susan Blackwell: All of my dinner companions were people I met for the first time that night. And also you and I had a conversation recently about how I did not learn as a young person to write thank you notes.

[39:02] Laura Camien: Uh-huh.

[39:02] Susan Blackwell: But what I try to do now is send thank you videos so people can see my face and they can hear my voice.

[39:08] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[39:09] Susan Blackwell: And boy, that paid off. I'm delighted. I can't wait to hear how the date goes tomorrow.

[39:13] Laura Camien: Me too. I can't wait to tell you. I'm really excited. And I've been planning like, oh, what will my host give me? I'm gonna take them a gift to thank them for reaching out and for hosting me. And uh I'm I'm really really excited. So I want to share a little sneaky peek of the other days in the challenge. So day two was the secret power of that eight-minute phone call.

[39:35] Susan Blackwell: Nice, as illustrated by Kyle.

[39:38] Laura Camien: As illustrated so beautifully by Kyle. Kyle, I fucking love you. Kyle is like, he's a full grown-ass adult man. He holds this place in my heart in addition to just being a great peer and friend and colleague and love.

[39:56] Susan Blackwell: Yes.

[39:56] Laura Camien: But I he's like the little brother that I never had.

[40:00] Susan Blackwell: Right.

[40:00] Laura Camien: I just uh I just love him so much. So um an observation that I had about this phone call, it had been so effective when Kyle had reached out to me, and I was really, really apprehensive to reach out to someone else. And I feared that offering someone an eight-minute phone call would feel like I was like stingy.

[40:17] Susan Blackwell: Oh, right.

[40:25] Laura Camien: Even even though I had such a wonderful experience with Kyle. Right, you know, but some people it could read like, I want to remain connected. I've got eight minutes for it. So let's connect real quick, then I gotta go.

[40:38] Susan Blackwell: Yeah.

[40:39] Laura Camien: So, but I pushed through my fear and I reached out to one of my besties, Hunter Bell. Hunter Bell, also like a brother to me. You know, Hunter and I live together during the pandemic, but we've both been so busy lately, and I've been missing him. So I sent him a text that is templated in the New York Times. It has a link. They could not make it easier. It's a link to that article about the eight-minute phone call. And it reads, Hi, I read this in the New York Times, and it made me think of you. Want to schedule an eight-minute phone call this week? And he immediately hearted it and he totally texted back and was like, I love this. And I was like, What are you doing right now? And we jumped on the phone right then and there, and again, 17 minutes.

I checked the records again, 17 deep, wonderful minutes. These eight-minute calls technically take 17, just schedule that. But that's very specific and on point. Was it worth it? But right in the middle of the workday, right in the middle of the workday, it was great.

[41:43] Susan Blackwell: It was so good.

[41:44] Laura Camien: So there's that tool. I love that. Day three's challenge is to chat up someone you don't know. Or they put it this way: seek out and notice opportunities for friendly moments of uplift. Now, this is a sweet spot of mine. Even um I'm an introvert and I don't always have the opportunity, but I make a practice of this in my life when I'm out, when I'm running errands, when I'm at the bank, when I'm at stores, etc. I will do that just kindness, and uh we put this in the boxer thread for in the SparkFile community recently in response to a question that someone had about it. I shared it, so I want to share it with you here. I'm gonna name drop, please enjoy this. My my friend uh Christian Borrell, Broadway's Christian Borel, taught me this habit a while back that I love.

He offers one additional kindness to each person he engages with colleagues, servers at restaurants, people who are panhandling in any interaction where it makes sense, he offers one additional kindness, and he does it consciously. It's a habit that he has cultivated in himself. And that so that could be a compliment or a thank you or just a kind exchange of small talk or making somebody laugh because he's very, very funny, or a generous tip, whatever feels organic to the situation. And then years later, I read in the Nagoski's book about burnout that this type of interaction will definitely benefit your nervous system and this nervous system of the person you're interacting with because it provides a little piece of evidence that the world is safe.

[43:29] Susan Blackwell: Yeah, the world is safe.

[43:31] Laura Camien: So I was all for this. I'm like, I'm here for the day three challenge, and that I feel like I do pretty readily already.

[43:32] Susan Blackwell: Yeah.

[43:32] Laura Camien: I feel like I really try to live that way too. I told you about the silver fox at the gym.

[43:43] Susan Blackwell: Yes.

[43:43] Laura Camien: Yeah. Tell the people.

[43:45] Susan Blackwell: I'll oh, okay. I'll tell the people. So I have been working out with a trainer at at the gym, and I just first of all, my trainer is delightful, and I enjoy it. And he's he's a dancer and he sings, and so we're always the ones like having a great time, laughing and and he's working me out hard too. But he'll be like, Oh my gosh, you you like this. And I'm like, I don't. It doesn't feel good. But he's like, but that smile, and I'm like, I know it's how I cope. And I'm like, I'm like, it hurts, but we're doing it and it's fun.

[44:18] Laura Camien: I love that for you.

[44:20] Susan Blackwell: It's so awesome. And I know like it's all like my dad and the way my dad just taught me to how to be in the world and when you're being challenged. You're like, isn't this great? What a challenge. How fun. Let's do it. And so at the gym, I was doing something and you know, laughing laughing about it, I'm sure. And um, this lovely man, he was this I told I told Suze he was a silver fox. He was like six, three. Uh completely built, like he obviously spent a lot of time in the gym and full head of silver hair and just just kind. He just had a real really kind and beautiful face. Anyway, he stepped over to me and he maybe he read this article because he stepped over to me uh and was like, look at you, you are the only person in like you're having a great time, you're smiling, like you've got the whole like this is I'm sure I made it about my trainer. I was like, that's because I'm training with Chris and he's great.

[45:21] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[45:21] Susan Blackwell: But it was such a kind gesture in a place where when I look around, no one is smiling, no one is making eye contact with each other, no one is acknowledging, hey, you're working out, I'm working out. We're both using the same machine and we're taking turns, but we're not speaking to each other. We're just going to, you know, look at the floor and trade turns and it it's such an interesting place to be. And so when someone steps out of that pattern, like that guy, yeah.

[45:54] Laura Camien: I told Wes all about it too. So nobody be concerned. I told him about the silver fox.

[45:58] Susan Blackwell: It really means a lot.

[46:00] Laura Camien: Yeah. It just means a lot of like, wow, I just had a human interaction with a person with a stranger.

[46:07] Susan Blackwell: It brightens your day, it does increase your happiness level during the course of the day.

[46:12] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[46:13] Susan Blackwell: I love that you're having that experience at the gym with your trainer.

[46:17] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[46:17] Susan Blackwell: And I love that somebody noticed and connected with you on it. It's one of the reasons I think it's one of the secrets of the success of the gym where I go because you can be an introvert, and whether you walk into the space physically or virtually, there's a it's like norm at cheers. There's just sort of like forms.

[46:34] Laura Camien: Mark Fisher Fitness.

[46:38] Susan Blackwell: Yeah. And we you don't have to, you don't have to be best friends, you but but you feel safe. You feel safe, you feel welcome, you feel like you belong, and that sense of belonging is big. And I think that part of saying hello to people or complimenting them or recognizing them, like that gives people a sense of belonging.

[46:58] Laura Camien: Yeah. Oh, that's good. Okay, what was that day four?

[47:01] Susan Blackwell: Oh no, that was day three. Um, so day four challenge is fun. I'm gonna come back to that in a second. Day five is about the importance of work friends, and I count myself very lucky in this regard.

[47:13] Laura Camien: Yep.

[47:13] Susan Blackwell: Between our little team at the Sparks File and our community of clients and alum, I feel like this is a as you were saying, Laura, a major source of happiness, yes, and meaningful daily engagement for me.

[47:25] Laura Camien: Yes, and I also have elements of this with my little online workout community at Mark Fisher Fitness.

[47:31] Susan Blackwell: Yes. We see each other every morning. We do a little name game. We hear about status updates from people's lives. Yes. Kyle, who reached out that day on the phone is a great example of a work friend who made my life bearable at a really challenging job. And in the New York Times article, Jancy Dunn reports that a 2022 report from Gallup showed that people who have a best friend at work are more engaged than those who do not. They are also more likely to innovate and share ideas, get more work done in less time, and report having more fun. Friendships with colleagues are also aspects of our work lives that we have some control over. They have the potential to improve our daily experience immediately, no matter what we do for a living. And I think this also applies to creative work.

[48:20] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[48:20] Susan Blackwell: For example, just yesterday, just yesterday, we were in a session of our Illum mastermind, which is our advanced year-long creativity course. And one of our great clients, Chris Pappas, he's about to release a great podcast. Chris Pappas just shared this huge update on several of his creative projects. And then he said, Anytime I step into this group, unprompted, Chris said, Anytime I step into this group, a layer of fear and worry melts away. And the jitters of sharing new work is there, but not the fear of rejection.

[48:54] Laura Camien: Oh.

[48:55] Susan Blackwell: And in addition to just taking in this nice compliment, I also thought, this is where I work. This is where you work. This kind of creative and personal self-expression and kindness and meaningful connection and regard for fellow humans is it's happening where I work and I fucking love these people.

[49:03] Laura Camien: And I fucking love these people.

[49:17] Susan Blackwell: Yeah.

[49:18] Laura Camien: Yeah. So this environment. So it's really important to have that have those healthy, fun relationships at work. It is such a gift. And I think it's also a reminder. Like, you know, we are privileged in that we get to create the environment that we want. And then in doing so, have magnetized these like-minded people together. And some people, some listeners might be like, well, that sounds great, but in my that's not, you know, in my environment, it's this. But I think about that, and I think like, so if you do have a work friend, take that time to cultivate that friendship. There have been times in my life where I have put the company ahead of the people that I have been close to, and it's so good to have a reminder that like what's gonna stay with you after this job are the friendships and the human beings, yeah. So tend to those relationships, even as you tend to your work, yeah, tend to those relationships too.

[50:25] Laura Camien: Yeah, and then also just a tip from Susan I, because we've both done it our whole life. If there's people that you really love and you want to spend more time with them, create ways to work with them.

[50:35] Susan Blackwell: Absolutely.

[50:36] Laura Camien: It's the best.

[50:37] Susan Blackwell: The best. Okay. Day six, put a social plan on the calendar and keep it check. I'm doing it, not without some social anxiety, I have to admit, but I know that once I get past the first few minutes, I'm going to have a great time.

[50:51] Laura Camien: Yep.

[50:52] Susan Blackwell: And I also know I may require a little time for myself the next day. In fact, we had been invited to another social event the following day, and I was like, I think that might be too much for me.

[51:03] Laura Camien: Good for you.

[51:04] Susan Blackwell: Social events in two days, like post pandemic, me doesn't have the social stamina that I once had. So I'm just trying to balance that. I also need rest, and I don't want to recreate the life I had before where I'm just always running, running, running, running and socializing.

[51:19] Laura Camien: Suze, that's wise. Good job.

[51:22] Susan Blackwell: It was hard. It was hard to say no, but I think it feels good. So day seven's happiness challenge was to keep the happiness going all year long, and specifically it challenged folks to set specific relationship goals. For instance, it asks, could you do one small thing a few times a week to promote connections, like send one text or email someone to say hello? Could your goal be to get together with a friend once each week? And they encourage folks to start small and level up as time allows. Day seven also challenges us to commit to consistency, which they acknowledge is tough. And Jancy Dunn writes in that seven day challenge.

[52:07] Susan Blackwell: I am haunted by a data point Dr. Waldinger mentioned over and over throughout the lives of participants in the Harvard study of adult development. He saw friendships deteriorate because of neglect. Being purposeful about investing time and energy in your relationships is critical for your well-being. Dr. Waldinger said the frequency and the quality of contact with other people are two major predictors of happiness. Did we mention the frequency and the quality of contact with other people are two major predictors of happiness? So Suze, this is good stuff.

[52:48] Laura Camien: Well, here's here's some real good stuff. Back to the day four challenge. Day four challenge is thank someone special. Jancy Dunn writes consider what you would thank this person for if you thought you would never see them again. Take a few minutes and write down what you would tell them with as many specific examples as possible. Don't overthink it. It can be both dashed off and straight from the heart. Think of it as a eulogy for the living. Then send it by email, text, handwritten note, whatever. The medium doesn't matter, sending it does. She says the happiest people take time to explicitly cherish the people they love. Research has shown that writing a note of appreciation to someone has an immediate positive impact on feelings of well-being and connectedness for both you and the recipient.

[53:40] Susan Blackwell: So here goes 10 specific ways I'm grateful to you and or things I love about you, Laura Camien. You just have to sit there and take it. You just have to sit there, open your little heart, and take it. Number one, I am grateful to have you as a business partner to work alongside someone who I am so compatible with is a gift. Your dedication to our business, the care with which you tend to our work and our clients.

[54:24] Number two, I am grateful to have you as a friend. It blows my mind that I can work with you all day and still, still stay on the phone with you for hours and have things to talk to you about. It is amazing to me. Plus, you see me every day, which is to say, you see me at my lowest, and you don't run for the hills.

[54:46] Number three, I am grateful that you are committed to cleaning as we go. We clean up conflict as we go, and I am learning slowly that I don't have to fear conflict because I have a growing body of evidence that we can process conflict and hard things and you will not flee.

[55:07] Number four, I am grateful for your thoughtful gifts. You really listen and you pay attention and then shablam. The gifts that you give are fucking great.

[55:20] Number five, I am grateful for your continued encouragement. You encourage me continually to tend to rest and restocking and to balancing our work with our lives, and I'm grateful for you that you continue to encourage that even when we have a fuck ton of stuff to do.

[55:41] Number six, I am grateful for your healthy brain and body. I am grateful that you take care of yourself because I really want you to be around for as long as possible.

[55:52] Number seven, I am grateful for the ways that you incorporate your learning into our business and our friendship. You learn as you go, and when you know better, you do better, and I'm so grateful for it.

[56:06] Number eight, I really love your personal taste. I think you have really great personal taste, taste in home decor, just taste all around. I really think you have great taste.

[56:19] Number nine, I love the way you treat children. You are so good with kids. You're so good with kids, and you're kind to my dog Kitty, even though she is a nut who wants to chew on your hand. And that you would not choose that. But you are kind to her and you are kind to children and you are kind to servers. And I think it is a real indicator of your character.

[56:44] Number 10. I love your sensitive soul and your highly sensitive, empathic nature. And number 11, I'm going over. Number 11. You have changed my life over and over and over again for the better at really critical junctures. When you are in my life, my life is better. And it is because it's because of all the aforementioned, but also because you actively seek and contribute to major creative initiatives and take me along for the ride or partner with me. And your presence in my life has absolutely changed it. Absolutely changed it for the better.

[57:36] And number 12, I want to thank you for letting me do my day four challenge right here on this podcast and for rolling with it like a real champ. You son of a bitch.

[57:49] Laura Camien: I did not have a choice.

[57:53] Susan Blackwell: Oh, Susie Blackwell. I did it without total consent. I love you so much. Thank you. That was difficult to just sit and listen to and take in. And I appreciate it so much. I mean, thank you for making me work through the discomfort of hearing kind things and just having to take it.

[58:16] Um I didn't even mention Wes. Thank you for being partnered to somebody who is healthy and creative and awesome. Because can you imagine if like we had this life together and I was like, oh my god. Fucking Wes. But no, Wes is awesome to stay. It's Wes fucking day. Uh, thank you for your love of West Day, too. I mean, truly, just note to anyone who's thinking of, you know, collaborations and partnerships. Like your partners are part of the partnership. Your partners are part of the partnership. You know, they didn't choose it.

[58:50] Susan Blackwell: Yeah.

[58:51] Laura Camien: Um, that's right. Thankfully, Nathan and Wes are both just phenomenal human beings. Suze, I'm gonna get you back when you least expect it with a list of things, and you're gonna have to sit and take it.

[59:03] Susan Blackwell: I'll take it. I'll take it. Um, I love you. So, what do we make of all of that?

[59:08] Laura Camien: I love you too. What do we make of all of this, baby cans?

[59:11] Susan Blackwell: Well, first we make baby cams cry. That's the first thing we make of it. We make time to tend to our relationships and our collaborations. They are precious, they're precious, and selfishly, this also they are the keys to our happiness. So I have a list of people, people I love, who I want to reach back to, reconnect with them, and let them know how precious they are to me. So that's one thing that I'm gonna make of this.

[59:40] Laura Camien: And I also I try, I think you observe this, Laura. I have a practice in place. I really do believe if something is rising up in you, something positive, and the person is standing right in front of you, take the opportunity to say it.

[59:56] Susan Blackwell: Oh, yeah. Because you do not know if you will get the chance to say it in the future.

[1:00:01] Laura Camien: That's right.

[1:00:02] Susan Blackwell: So I will stop in the middle of meetings and say, just in case I get hit by a bus, I want to have said this to you.

[1:00:09] Laura Camien: That's right.

[1:00:10] Susan Blackwell: And never assuming that that person knows.

[1:00:13] Laura Camien: Oh no, they know I love them.

[1:00:15] Susan Blackwell: Like, go ahead and say it then. Go ahead and remind them. Say it again, let them know you love them again.

[1:00:20] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[1:00:20] Susan Blackwell: I told this story on this podcast, I believe, about having taken the moment to say what I meant to say to a dear friend, and then they were gone. They weren't on the planet anymore. And I'm so, ever since then, I'm like, if something's rising up in me, I will stop. I will say it. So that's another thing I make of this.

[1:00:40] Laura Camien: Um, what else do we make of this?

[1:00:41] Susan Blackwell: We make connections. This is Jancy Dunn's writing again. A good way to build ties is by joining a group that meets regularly. Researchers call that regular proximity with other humans propinquity. And it has shown that the more propinquity we have, the greater the chance that we'll form friendships. So I think this must be why I consistently feel so uplifted from being around our Sparkfile community a couple times a week.

[1:01:13] Laura Camien: Yes.

[1:01:14] Susan Blackwell: Amen. And I felt that way through the whole pandemic.

[1:01:17] Laura Camien: Through the whole pandemic.

[1:01:18] Susan Blackwell: Yeah.

[1:01:19] Yes.

[1:01:20] Laura Camien: That loneliness that that we knew people were experiencing, we had an awareness of like, oh gosh, I don't think we're experiencing that because we are meeting on a regular basis.

[1:01:32] Susan Blackwell: And we also had the great good fortune of living with people we really liked at the time too.

[1:01:36] Laura Camien: That is true too.

[1:01:37] Susan Blackwell: So we had physical contact, etc., which not everyone did.

[1:01:40] Laura Camien: That is true.

[1:01:41] Susan Blackwell: So um, but you could also form all sorts of groups around your brand of creativity.

[1:01:46] Laura Camien: Yeah.

[1:01:46] Susan Blackwell: I was daydreaming this morning about having another live crafting bee.

[1:01:50] Laura Camien: Oh, yeah.

[1:01:51] Susan Blackwell: I really would like to do that. Like we had at the Sparkfile Retreat, a Saunders Farm.

[1:01:55] Laura Camien: Yes.

[1:01:56] Susan Blackwell: I have so many ideas. Something is awakening in me. I have so many ideas about ways that I want to bring awesome people together.

[1:02:05] Laura Camien: Oh, yes.

[1:02:07] Susan Blackwell: So I just want to thank Dr. Bob Waldinger or Waldinger. I'm not sure how to pronounce it, and Jancy Dunn and the team that produced this at the New York Times. It is just a gorgeous challenge. I was challenged by it, and I feel better for it.

[1:02:27] Laura Camien: And you made Laura cry. Are you happy?

[1:02:30] Susan Blackwell: Happy we are. What a beautiful spark that everyone can get something from. My gosh. There's no right amount of friends. It's never too late.

[1:02:49] Laura Camien: Uh-huh.

[1:02:50] Susan Blackwell: Reach out. Get in there. Reach out. Reach out. Reach out.

[1:02:54] Laura Camien: Oh.

[1:02:55] Susan Blackwell: So that's it. That's it. Susan, what a good spark.

[1:02:59] Laura Camien: Oh, Cammy, and settle down over there.

[1:03:02] Susan Blackwell: I can't.

[1:03:03] Laura Camien: She's she's got her head resting in her hands.

[1:03:05] Susan Blackwell: I can't you. You did me in.

[1:03:09] Laura Camien: This episode of the Sparks File was made on the lands of the Lenape people. And as always, we hope that this put another bunch of sparks in your file. If there is a spark you'd like us to explore, or if you'd like to learn more about how to coach with us to bring your creative ideas to life, you can email us at the sparkfile at gmail.com or submit it through our website, thesparkfile.com. We will even happily take your feedback, but you know the price of admission. First, we need you to share a creative risk that you have taken recently.

[1:03:40] Susan Blackwell: Follow us on social at the Sparkfile and be sure to subscribe, rate, and five-star review this podcast. It really does help other listeners to find us. Also, if you like this podcast, we hope you'll share it with the people that you love. And if you didn't like it, call one of your friends. Complain to them about it. Take it up with them. Connect over it. Bond over it.

[1:04:01] Laura Camien: Bond over it.

[1:04:02] Susan Blackwell: That's what I was gonna say. You can totally make a connection out of it. If something lights you up and gets your creative sparks flying, we are writing you a forever permission slip to make that thing. Make that thing that's been knocking at your door. It's your turn to take a spark and fan it into a flame. You know you gotta take it and make it.

[1:04:28] Laura Camien: Bye, friends.

[1:04:29] Susan Blackwell: Bye, everybody. I love you, Laura Camien.

[1:04:32] Laura Camien: I love you, Susie Q.

[1:04:34] Susan Blackwell: When I boke into something that inspires me, I dump it in the spark files. Spark could be something that I wanna pick or how I wanna be. I'll pump it in the spark files. I jump into my spark files. Sparkfiles. Let's open up the spark fire.