This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:11] Lillias White: Welcome back to Twits in Love.

[0:14] Lillias White: A steampunk distraction by Tom Alan Robbins.

[0:18] Lillias White: We left Cyril slumped in despair over the coup d'état, as Binky snobbed the beautiful Pansy for all he was worth.

[0:27] Lillias White: Let's return to the dining room for the final chapter.

[0:31] Lillias White: Showdown at the hydrogen plant.

[0:39] Lillias White: Love is rather like a diving bell.

[0:42] Lillias White: Those inside it are deaf to the outside world.

[0:45] Lillias White: They breathe each other's air and hear only the echo of each other's voices.

[0:50] Lillias White: The crushing pressures of the world around them touch them not at all.

[0:55] Lillias White: Those outside the bubble, however, are highly susceptible to the buffeting currents and predatory fish that surround them.

[1:03] Lillias White: While Binky and Pansy floated dreamily in each other's eyes, I struggled to survive the maelstrom that had erupted in the dining room.

[1:13] Cheswick: I will not be ignored.

[1:17] Cheswick: This does rather cross the line.

[1:19] Cheswick: Will someone explain to me what the bloody hell is going on?

[1:23] Hugo: Sit still, Hugo.

[1:24] Hugo: When there is something that requires a response from you, I will inform you.

[1:29] Cheswick: Here now, let's all calm down, shall we?

[1:32] Hugo: I will not calm down.

[1:33] Hugo: I know when I am being trifled with, Cheswick.

[1:36] Cheswick: Yes.

[1:37] Cheswick: You and I have embarked upon a great enterprise.

[1:40] Cheswick: Will you abandon it for the sake of this person?

[1:43] Hugo: Sorry, what?

[1:44] Cheswick: We have sworn oaths.

[1:46] Cheswick: The moment approaches.

[1:47] Cheswick: Will you stand with me?

[1:49] Hugo: Oh, um.

[1:50] Hugo: Sorry, Alice.

[1:52] Hugo: I'm afraid I'll have to bow out.

[1:55] Hugo: Things have changed, rather.

[1:57] Cheswick: I have not changed.

[1:59] Cheswick: Very well.

[2:00] Cheswick: I shall carry on alone if need be.

[2:02] Cheswick: I discard you on the ash heap of history.

[2:04] Hugo: Thanks, awfully.

[2:05] Hugo: I knew you'd understand.

[2:08] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Cyril, I must depart.

[2:09] Hugo: But they're just bringing the soup.

[2:11] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: The soup is immaterial.

[2:14] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Matters of great pith and moment are afoot.

[2:17] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Farewell.

[2:18] Lillias White: And with that, Alice strode out through the French doors and disappeared around a hedge.

[2:24] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Good witness, say I.

[2:25] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: How can one enjoy one's food with those great ivory pleques clicking against each other like mahjong tiles?

[2:34] Bentley: The soup, sir.

[2:36] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Ah.

[2:37] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What are we having, Bentley?

[2:39] Bentley: You requested Vizy Soise, but I'm afraid the auto cooker heard fish sauce.

[2:44] Bentley: It needs to be recalibrated, sir.

[2:46] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: It's not really soup at all, is it?

[2:48] Bentley: No, sir.

[2:49] Bentley: I hope it heard me correctly when I asked for cock au vin.

[2:52] Bentley: Perhaps we should be prepared to exit the dining room in haste if a similar mistranslation occurs.

[2:56] Bentley: It would be prudent, sir.

[2:58] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What did I request for pudding?

[3:00] Bentley: Spotted dick, sir.

[3:01] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: How unfortunate.

[3:03] Bentley: Another telegram comes, sir.

[3:05] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Go on.

[3:06] Bentley: Congratulations.

[3:07] Bentley: You are the winner of an all expenses paid vacation at the beautiful Flores para las Muertos timeshare resort in fabulous Puerta Camerones, Ecuador.

[3:18] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Stop there, Mrs. Oaks.

[3:19] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: This is a hoax.

[3:21] Bentley: Is it?

[3:22] Bentley: The use of a foreign language inspires confidence.

[3:26] Bentley: I have an acquaintance who was victimized by such a scheme.

[3:30] Bentley: He arrived in Ecuador only to be held at gunpoint until he purchased a timeshare, which he rarely uses.

[3:41] Cheswick: Look here, now that she's gone, you two can snip out of it.

[3:45] Cheswick: She is my ward, after all.

[3:47] Hugo: Ah, the light begins to dawn.

[3:51] Cheswick: Not to me.

[3:52] Cheswick: Of course not, dear.

[3:54] Cheswick: This little play was for Alice's benefit.

[3:57] Cheswick: It was intended to arouse her jealousy, but it seems to have gone rather off the tracks.

[4:03] Cheswick: Look here, you two.

[4:04] Cheswick: Come up her air, will you?

[4:07] Hugo: Uh where's she gone?

[4:09] Bentley: Stalked out like a panther.

[4:11] Cheswick: But we weren't finished.

[4:12] Bentley: Afraid the curtain's come down.

[4:14] Bentley: La commedia e finite and all that.

[4:18] Hugo: I've spoiled everything.

[4:20] Binky: Not for me, my darling.

[4:22] Binky: You don't need to call me darling now that she's gone.

[4:25] Binky: But we're in love.

[4:26] Hugo: No, no, that was only acting.

[4:29] Binky: Hello.

[4:30] Binky: Bravo!

[4:31] Binky: Didn't know you had it in you, my dear.

[4:34] Hugo: Acting?

[4:35] Binky: She was acting.

[4:36] Binky: She doesn't love him at all.

[4:37] Hugo: I was billed into a climax.

[4:39] Hugo: I was going to have second thoughts in a moment and cast you aside.

[4:43] Binky: Oh, I told you I wouldn't get it right.

[4:46] Binky: Are you saying you don't care for me?

[4:50] Hugo: Goodness no.

[4:51] Hugo: I don't even know you.

[4:52] Binky: But then oh, dash it all.

[4:56] Binky: Now what do I do?

[4:57] Binky: I say, that was rather spiffy with the German.

[5:00] Binky: How did you do it?

[5:01] Hugo: I speak five languages.

[5:02] Binky: I told you she doesn't fit in.

[5:05] Binky: Spends all her time studying physics, French, organic chemistry.

[5:11] Hugo: I didn't know what I'm going to do with her.

[5:14] Hugo: I'm afraid you've rather exploded your chances with Alice, old cock.

[5:19] Binky: Alice, where is she?

[5:20] Hugo: Gone.

[5:21] Hugo: And left you on the ash heap of history.

[5:24] Binky: My God, she's going to do it.

[5:26] Hugo: Do what?

[5:27] Binky: Listen, Cyril, we've got to stop her.

[5:30] Hugo: Call the police.

[5:31] Binky: I'm sure she's not that desperate.

[5:33] Hugo: You don't know her.

[5:34] Binky: Well, I know her well enough to know she's not about to end it all because of a ruined romance with you.

[5:39] Hugo: No, you don't understand.

[5:41] Hugo: She's been plotting it for weeks.

[5:43] Binky: Plotting what?

[5:44] Hugo: She and her anarchist friends.

[5:46] Hugo: They're going to blow up the hydrogen plant.

[5:49] Binky: What?

[5:49] Binky: The one we can see from the window?

[5:52] Hugo: Yes!

[5:53] Hugo: But that would blow us up, too.

[5:56] Binky: Hence my sense of urgency.

[5:59] Bentley: Sir.

[6:00] Bentley: You heard?

[6:01] Bentley: I have already set things in motion, sir.

[6:03] Bentley: We must intercept her.

[6:05] Bentley: My chemical van is at your disposal.

[6:08] Bentley: Quickly, everyone.

[6:09] Bentley: To the caravan.

[6:14] Hugo: If one is trying to move with urgency, mechanical camels are not the optimal form of transport.

[6:20] Hugo: They lurch and sway to an alarming degree.

[6:23] Bentley: Aunt Hapatio could ride anything, and Bentley was imperturbable.

[6:28] Bentley: But the rest of us hung on for dear life.

[6:31] Hugo: Poor Uncle Hugo wound up facing backward and let out a constant scream of curses.

[6:37] Bentley: The hydrogen plant drew nearer.

[6:41] Hugo: What will we say to them when we get there?

[6:43] Bentley: They'll never let us in.

[6:44] Bentley: I believe you will find them compliant, sir.

[6:47] Hugo: How can you be so sure?

[6:48] Bentley: Because you own the hydrogen plant, sir.

[6:51] Bentley: I was sifting through the contents of your trust.

[6:55] Bentley: I discovered that it was your great-great-grandfather Percy Chippington Smythe, who discovered the secret of converting seawater into hydrogen.

[7:04] Bentley: You own them all, sir.

[7:06] Hugo: All the hydrogen plants?

[7:09] Bentley: Indeed, sir.

[7:10] Bentley: I believe that was part of Miss Witherspoon's attraction to you.

[7:14] Bentley: She hoped that by marrying you, she would gain access to your hydrogen plants for the purpose of blowing them up.

[7:21] Hugo: What ho, a little wounding to the old ego.

[7:24] Bentley: Her desire to destroy your gas facilities was undoubtedly mingled with a deep affection for you.

[7:30] Hugo: No doubt.

[7:31] Hugo: I do wish Mr. Wickford Davies and yourself had consulted me about your stratagem.

[7:36] Bentley: I would have made some salient points.

[7:40] Hugo: Too late for crying over spoiled milk.

[7:42] Bentley: Spilt, sir.

[7:44] Hugo: What?

[7:44] Bentley: Spilt, not spoiled, sir.

[7:47] Hugo: Really?

[7:47] Hugo: I like mine better.

[7:49] Bentley: I'm sure those who catalogue folk wisdom will revel at your input.

[7:53] Bentley: With regards to Miss Witherspoon.

[7:56] Bentley: A moment, Bentley.

[7:57] Hugo: Uncle Hugo.

[7:58] Bentley: What?

[7:59] Hugo: I own the hydrogen plant.

[8:01] Bentley: I know.

[8:02] Bentley: I told you I did my homework.

[8:04] Hugo: Blast your homework.

[8:06] Hugo: How do you steer these bloody camels?

[8:08] Bentley: One didn't have time to read the instruction manual.

[8:13] Bentley: I think I see her.

[8:15] Bentley: She's just going through the gate.

[8:16] Hugo: Where are the guards?

[8:18] Bentley: Her gang was to overpower them.

[8:20] Bentley: They're inside now, waiting for her with the explosives.

[8:23] Bentley: As I was saying, sir.

[8:25] Hugo: In a moment, Bentley, we've got to formulate a plan.

[8:28] Bentley: I studied the schematics of these hydrogen facilities when I wanted some light reading.

[8:32] Bentley: To do any real damage, they will have to place the explosives against the containment vessel.

[8:37] Bentley: Once we enter the main door, we turn right.

[8:39] Bentley: The wall of the containment vessel is roughly 100 feet from the entrance.

[8:43] Hugo: What an interesting girl you are.

[8:46] Bentley: Did you get that?

[8:48] Bentley: Yes, sir, but if you would allow me.

[8:50] Hugo: No time.

[8:50] Hugo: Follow me.

[8:52] Lillias White: The caravan lurched past the guards at the gate, hogtied and gagged.

[8:56] Bentley: Shouldn't we untie them?

[8:58] Hugo: There's not a moment to lose.

[9:00] Hugo: They must be deploying the explosives by now.

[9:03] Lillias White: Upon reaching the entryway to the facility, we dismounted and raced down the corridor.

[9:08] Lillias White: In the distance, we could hear a babble of voices.

[9:11] Lillias White: Alice's voice pierced through the din like a trumpet.

[9:15] Alice: Let the new world begin.

[9:18] Lillias White: We sped around the corner to find Alice lighting the end of a long black fuse.

[9:24] Lillias White: Behind her crowded the motley crew from the gazebo.

[9:27] Lillias White: I spotted Bentley's houndstooth-wrapped matron among them.

[9:31] Lillias White: The fuse sparked and began to travel toward a large mound of crates.

[9:36] Bentley: Stop!

[9:36] Lillias White: Too late!

[9:37] Lillias White: Run for your lives.

[9:39] Lillias White: This plant will be a crater of cinders in a matter of moments.

[9:44] Lillias White: At this point in the proceedings, things became rather chaotic.

[9:48] Lillias White: The ragged band of anarchists scrambled for the exit.

[9:52] Lillias White: Binky outpaced them all by a good twenty meters.

[9:56] Lillias White: Only Alice and her houndstooth-tenched woman stood in our way.

[10:00] Binky: I say, Patia, perhaps we'd better you go stay.

[10:06] Alice: Yes, dear.

[10:07] Alice: I demand that you put out the fuse at once.

[10:11] Alice: You'll have to kill me first.

[10:13] Alice: We shall all be dead if the fuse reaches those explosives.

[10:16] Alice: But a new world shall dawn.

[10:19] Binky: How I admire your idealism.

[10:21] Binky: If you were not intent on killing us all, I believe we could have been friends.

[10:24] Alice: You're coming out of your shell at last, are you?

[10:27] Alice: Shame we'll all be blown to smithereens in a moment.

[10:31] Binky: You're being very brave.

[10:32] Alice: Oh, I'm terrified, but one thing is oh goosh.

[10:37] Binky: There seemed to be a distinct lack of fuse dousing going on.

[10:41] Binky: I say, Bentley, lend a hand, will you?

[10:44] Bentley: Have no fear, sir.

[10:45] Bentley: All will be well.

[10:46] Binky: But the bomb.

[10:48] Lillias White: At that moment, the fuse disappeared inside the nearest crate.

[10:54] Lillias White: I formed myself into a roundish lump and prepared to meet my maker.

[10:59] Lillias White: Moments passed as we remained demonstrably alive.

[11:04] Bentley: Why this lack of combustion?

[11:06] Bentley: This is unacceptable.

[11:08] Bentley: I demand an explanation.

[11:14] Alice's houndstooth compatriot: Alice Witherspoon, I arrest you in the name of the law.

[11:19] Alice: What?

[11:19] Alice: What is the meaning of this?

[11:20] Alice: Have I harbored a viper in my bosom?

[11:23] Alice: I am not a disaffected anarchist as you supposed.

[11:26] Alice: Rather, I am police officer Cleary of the Yard, working undercover.

[11:31] Alice: But it was you who procured the explosives.

[11:34] Officer Cleary: With the help of Mr. Bentley, I supplied you with counterfeit explosives that contain harmless quantities of peat moss and bicarbonate of soda.

[11:43] Bentley: Allow me to explain.

[11:46] Bentley: When sir tasked me with redirecting Miss Witherspoon's affections, I naturally began to gather intelligence to assist in the necessary planning.

[11:55] Officer Cleary: Upon discovering her involvement with an anarchist movement intent on destroying the underpinnings of society, I enlisted the aid of the constabulary, who dispatched Officer Cleary to infiltrate their community.

[12:07] Officer Cleary: That's who I saw that day at the house, nipping around the corner.

[12:11] Officer Cleary: Indeed, sir, it was she who provided Miss Witherspoon with the harmless simulations in these crates.

[12:18] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: By jove, you're a wonder.

[12:20] Officer Cleary: But the rest of the saboteurs have escaped.

[12:23] Officer Cleary: No, ma'am.

[12:25] Officer Cleary: My officers were waiting at the entrance to apprehend them.

[12:28] Officer Cleary: It only remains to transport them along with Miss Witherspoon to the police station for processing.

[12:34] Alice: You'll have to catch me first.

[12:40] Bentley: As Alice tried to sprint past us, Cheesworth extended his jeweled walking stick between her ankles and sent her sprawling to the floor.

[12:49] Officer Cleary: It was the work of a moment for Officer Cleary to slap the handcuffs on her, and the world was once again an oasis of peace.

[12:58] Officer Cleary: You'll have to run faster than that to escape Officer Cleary of the Yard.

[13:04] Bentley: Well, that's that.

[13:06] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I say, bit of excitement, what?

[13:09] Bentley: Woo!

[13:10] Bentley: One heathen perspired come far in eons.

[13:15] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What's next, Bentley?

[13:16] Bentley: Soup's still hot, do you think?

[13:18] Officer Cleary: I believe the police will want a statement from you, sir.

[13:21] Officer Cleary: As the owner of the facility, you will be asked to bring charges against the perpetrators.

[13:26] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh, bother.

[13:27] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I'm famished.

[13:28] Bentley: I placed newcumber sandwiches in your left jacket pocket, sir, wrapped in a napkin.

[13:34] Bentley: There is a thamus of tea in the right bucket.

[13:37] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What a treasure you are.

[13:39] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Aunt Hapatia, newcumber sandwich.

[13:41] Aunt Hippatia: Thank you, Siddhall.

[13:43] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Uncle Hugo, cheeseworth, newcumber sandwich.

[13:46] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: We munched on finger sandwiches as we were transported to the police station.

[13:51] Officer Cleary: Upon arriving, we found Binky in a rather grim cell, surrounded by anarchists.

[13:58] Binky: Hello, my lad.

[13:59] Binky: Death before dishonor.

[14:03] Binky: Tell them I'm not a saboteur.

[14:04] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: But can I be certain?

[14:06] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Which of us can peer into the secret hearts of our fellows, what?

[14:09] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh, I say.

[14:11] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: With Bentley's help, I sorted through the paperwork and arranged Binky's release.

[14:16] Officer Cleary: The anarchists, at Bentley's suggestion, were charged with trespassing, which called for a fine, but no imprisonment.

[14:24] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Now, what about Alice?

[14:26] Binky: You cannot send her to prison.

[14:28] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: But she lit the fuse.

[14:30] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: She intended to blow us all to Kingdom Come.

[14:32] Binky: Nevertheless, she is one of us.

[14:35] Binky: Incarceration is out of the question.

[14:38] Binky: It's simply not done, dear boy.

[14:41] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Well, trat.

[14:42] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: But where does this leave me?

[14:43] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Is she still determined to place the shackle of matrimony around my neck?

[14:47] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: And what of the beautiful Pansy?

[14:49] Binky: I saw her first.

[14:50] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: You most definitely did not.

[14:52] Binky: But I declared my love for her first.

[14:54] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: You love Alice.

[14:55] Binky: Alice loves you.

[14:57] Binky: Stacy.

[14:58] Binky: Where is Panthe?

[15:00] Bentley: At my suggestion, she's gone to the interrogation room to comfort Ms. Witherspoon, sir.

[15:06] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Let's put it to her.

[15:07] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: That heart shoes.

[15:08] Binky: Fine.

[15:09] Binky: Bentley, lead the way.

[15:12] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Binky and I stalked behind Bentley, cheek by jowl, glaring at each other.

[15:18] Bentley: Upon reaching the interrogation room, Bentley threw open the door to reveal Alice and Pansy wrapped in a passionate embrace, their lips melding in a mind-bending kiss.

[15:33] Bentley: It would seem that Miss Freehold has made her choice, sir.

[15:38] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Your teeth tickle.

[15:42] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I say.

[15:43] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Bravo, Panthe!

[15:45] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: The girl has undwent of depth.

[15:48] Binky: Oh blast.

[15:50] Binky: Well, at least Alice will leave me in peace now.

[15:53] Bentley: That was my aim, sir.

[15:55] Binky: But what of me?

[15:56] Binky: Yes, sir.

[15:57] Binky: Upon reflection, I felt that marriage to Miss Witherspoon was not an optimal outcome for you.

[16:03] Binky: I do apologize.

[16:05] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: No, you're right.

[16:07] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I know you're right.

[16:08] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I say, Bentley, is this loving couple we see before us your doing?

[16:12] Bentley: I believe so, sir.

[16:14] Bentley: I was present when Ms. Freehold first beheld Ms. Witherspoon, and the attraction was apparent to me at once.

[16:21] Bentley: At lunch, I observed that Miss Witherspoon was equally drawn to Miss Freehold.

[16:26] Bentley: I felt certain that if they were left alone, their mutual affection would manifest itself.

[16:31] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Gads, what a strategist.

[16:34] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Hannibal and his elephants are nothing to you.

[16:36] Bentley: Most gratifying, sir.

[16:39] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What a beastly weekend this has been.

[16:41] Bentley: Now now.

[16:42] Bentley: What you need is something to take your mind off it all.

[16:45] Bentley: What about joining Cheeseworth at a bear baiting?

[16:48] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Charmed, I'm sure.

[16:50] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Or a cock fight.

[16:51] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What about it, Cheesworth?

[16:52] Cheesworth: I'm competing in one that's friends, dear.

[16:55] Cheesworth: Do come.

[16:56] Cheesworth: It's for the League Cup.

[16:58] Cheesworth: I've been twaining for weeks.

[17:00] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Now that does sound interesting.

[17:02] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Bentley, pack my things.

[17:05] Bentley: Very good, sir.

[17:07] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Ensconced once more in my jewel box of a pied de terre.

[17:11] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I stared into the simulated fire and pondered recent events.

[17:17] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: It really was a close call, wasn't it, Bentley?

[17:20] Bentley: Without hydrogen, the world as we know it would cease to exist.

[17:25] Bentley: I believe that was Miss Witherspoon's intent, sir.

[17:28] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: But now we can go on as before.

[17:31] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Visiting the club, weekends in the country, purchasing ever more elaborate toys.

[17:38] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Do you know?

[17:39] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I sometimes feel it's all a bit pointless.

[17:42] Bentley: Surely not, sir.

[17:43] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I say, Bentley, you don't suppose Alice was right about everything.

[17:48] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: That having all our wants taken care of turns us into helpless effete fops, that income inequality hurls millions into lives of despair.

[17:59] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Have I been on the wrong side all along?

[18:03] Bentley: Oh, look, sir.

[18:04] Bentley: The new issue of gentlemen's apparel is here.

[18:07] Bentley: The shoes this season look extremely comfortable.

[18:11] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What?

[18:11] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Well, hand that over at once.

[18:15] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Flats.

[18:16] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Rounded toe box.

[18:18] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Heaven.

[18:19] Bentley: I shall order a selection at once, sir.

[18:22] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh, Bentley.

[18:23] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What a season it's going to be.

[18:25] Bentley: Indeed, sir.

[18:28] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What was I talking about?

[18:30] Bentley: When, sir?

[18:31] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Just a minute ago.

[18:32] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I was asking your opinion about something.

[18:35] Bentley: I really couldn't say, sir.

[18:37] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Hmm.

[18:37] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh well.

[18:38] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: It can't have been very important.

[18:41] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Who on earth could that be?

[18:43] Bentley: Excuse me, sir.

[18:45] Bentley: He wafted away, and I stared into the fire.

[18:50] Bentley: When he returned, Bentley carried a large cylindrical box.

[18:56] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Am I expecting a delivery?

[18:57] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What could it be?

[18:59] Bentley: I fancy it's your new hat, sir, from the club.

[19:02] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: But I never got the chance to fill out the questionnaire.

[19:05] Bentley: I took the liberty of filling it out for you, sir.

[19:07] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: It was a rather personal survey, Bentley, designed to ferret out my essential nature.

[19:13] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: The hat within will reveal your true evaluation of my character.

[19:17] Bentley: I hope you are not disappointed, sir.

[19:21] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I confess my hands trembled a bit as I unwrapped the package.

[19:25] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: No man is a hero to his valet, and Bentley had seen me at my worst.

[19:31] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Surely the chapeau within would be a chimera composed of equal parts vanity, vapidity, and pettiness.

[19:38] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I lifted the lid to find a beautiful dove-gray fedora with a plain silk band.

[19:47] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: The lines were exquisite.

[19:49] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I lifted it onto the old noggin, and it fit like a dream.

[19:53] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I don't know what to say.

[19:56] Bentley: No words are needed, sir.

[19:58] Bentley: If you are satisfied, that is enough.

[20:01] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: No.

[20:02] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: No, it's not enough, Bentley.

[20:05] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Be so good as to burn that lavender vest.

[20:09] Bentley: Thank you, sir.

[20:11] Bentley: I have already done so.

[20:13] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I'm so happy, Bentley.

[20:15] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: This really is the best of all possible worlds.

[20:18] Bentley: Indeed, sir.

[20:20] Bentley: Now each a nice cheesy omelette while it's hot.

[20:31] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Yes, let's all eat our cheesy omelets while they're hot.

[20:35] Bentley: Thank you for listening to Twits in Love.

[20:38] Bentley: Be on the lookout for season two, twits in peril.

[20:42] Bentley: Until then, be true to your club and always remember to oil your ballad.

[20:49] Bentley: Tata.

[20:52] Bentley: And now let us bow down before the brilliance of our cast, without whom we would be as dust, blown hither and yon by the winds of fortune.

[21:05] Lillias White: Michael Urey, as Cyril Chippington Smike.

[21:08] Lillias White: Christian Borrell as Cheswick Whitford Davies.

[21:12] Lillias White: Binky to his friends.

[21:14] Lillias White: Dakin Matthews as Bentley.

[21:17] Lillias White: Mary Tester as Aunt Hippatia.

[21:19] Lillias White: Nick Sullivan as Uncle Hugo.

[21:22] Lillias White: Stephen DeRosa as C. Langford Cheesworth.

[21:25] Lillias White: Helen Cespedes as Alice Witherspoon.

[21:29] Lillias White: Kiera Allen as Pansy Freehold.

[21:32] Lillias White: Ann Harada as Mrs. Oaks.

[21:35] Lillias White: Taylor Iman Jones as Officer Cleary of the Yard.

[21:39] Lillias White: And yours truly, Lillias White as a disembodied, omnipotent voice.

[21:47] Lillias White: Written by Tom Alan Robbins.

[21:50] Lillias White: Co-directed by Tom Alan Robbins and Dory Berenstein.

[21:55] Lillias White: Produced by Dory Berenstein, Alan Seals, Brittany Bigelow, and the Broadway Podcast Network.

[22:04] Lillias White: General Manager, Beatrice Westby, Press, Marketing, Social Media by Katie Rosen, Ayana Prescott, Sound Effects Consultant, Eric Wright, Sound Designer and Editor, Brett Ashley, Executive Produced by Liz Armstrong.

[22:24] Lillias White: The Twits series is sponsored by The Gotham as part of the Sound and Light Project.

[22:30] Lillias White: Good day.