This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Michael Urie: Welcome back to Twits in Peril, A Steampunk Distraction by Tom Alan Robbins. We left our hero in shorts and flip-flops, preparing to infiltrate a world without privilege. Can he survive for a week without cheesy eggs? Without a girdle? Without Bentley? Join us now for Twits in Peril, Chapter 2 – I Eat a Cherry.

[0:48] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Ernie arrived, as promised, with the morning lark. He waited patiently as I downed a breakfast that would have choked the mythical horse. Bentley had helped me into my government-issued rags and my pockets were filled with coins of low denomination and crackers of various descriptions. I had slathered on the deodorant, having learned that fresh water was in short supply among the general population, and I was ready for anything. Very well, Ernie. Off we go.

[1:16] Ernie: It's a bit of a trek, I'm afraid.

[1:18] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Should I have Bentley drive us partway?

[1:20] Ernie: It's too dangerous, sir. Gossip travels like lightning. If anyone saw you—

[1:24] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I quite understand. Let's be off. Ernie did not exaggerate. We walked for what felt like hours. The posts of my flip-flops rubbed against my toes until I wanted to scream. Surely we must be there?

[1:39] Ernie: We've only travelled a few blocks. You can still see a house from here.

[1:42] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: How many miles is that?

[1:43] Ernie: None.

[1:44] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: This is torture.

[1:45] Ernie: I have an idea. Wait here.

[1:47] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: He jogged off and I took stock of my surroundings. Even in the few blocks we had traversed, the buildings had grown shabbier, the weeds more numerous. As I stood musing, I heard the clatter of an approaching vehicle. It appeared to be a stagecoach of the Old West variety, drawn by six mechanical horses. A grizzled-bearded automaton sat atop it, gripping the reins.

[2:13] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: As it reached me, the coach slowed to a stop and a familiar pomaded head popped out of the window. C. Langford Cheeseworth was as rich as he was eccentric. He was the club gossip and I knew that my ragged appearance would be common knowledge by lunchtime. I suspected that the general assessment upon learning of my situation would be that I had made a bigger arse of myself than usual.

[2:36] C. Langford Cheeseworth: Peril! Death before dishonor! What scruffulous apparel! Are you en route to a costume party?

[2:45] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Hello, Cheeseworth. Death before dishonor. Yes, something like that.

[2:50] C. Langford Cheeseworth: I simply wevel in costume balls. May I accompany you? I always keep a spare disguise with me. There's an anatomically correct dolphin in the trunk. One relieves oneself through the blowhole.

[3:05] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Sorry, Cheeseworth, it's not exactly a costume party. It's something new. It's called... slamming.

[3:12] C. Langford Cheeseworth: I am a gog. What are the mechanics of this new form of entertainment?

[3:20] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Well, one dresses as a citizen and lives like a citizen among the citizens, you see.

[3:29] C. Langford Cheeseworth: Like Marie Antoinette when she dressed as a shepherdess and swarmed about her little make-believe hamlet at Versailles.

[3:37] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Yes, something like that.

[3:39] C. Langford Cheeseworth: Remarkable. Who else is doing it?

[3:42] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh, everyone's doing it.

[3:44] C. Langford Cheeseworth: Are they? Why wasn't I told?

[3:48] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: It's brand new. I'm sure you'll hear all about it at any minute.

[3:51] C. Langford Cheeseworth: Well, bon chance. I want to hear all about your adventures when you return.

[3:57] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Absolutely. We'll make a night of it. The automaton flipped his whip and the horses galloped off with Cheeseworth rattling along behind them. Just then Ernie rounded the corner, pushing an unsightly wheeled object.

[4:11] Ernie: Here we are. Hop on.

[4:13] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What is this?

[4:14] Ernie: It's my delivery cart. I'll push you.

[4:16] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Are you sure it will take the weight?

[4:18] Ernie: You're really rather scrawny, if you don't mind my saying.

[4:21] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: You're seeing me without my padding. I assure you I am a damned attractive figure of a man given a sousin of mechanical assistance.

[4:28] Ernie: No doubt. Just hold on to the sides and I'll have you there in an instant.

[4:32] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I perched on the delivery cart like a sack of root vegetables and clung to the slats for dear life. Ernie trotted uphill and down dale through blocks of abandoned structures and weed-filled lots.

[4:44] Ernie: If we meet anyone, we'll say you twisted your ankle.

[4:46] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Shall I groan and wince?

[4:48] Ernie: Not necessary. Maybe a slight wince the first time you put weight on it.

[4:52] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I practiced wincing for a while, then sat back and watched the scenery go by as I munched on crackers from my various pockets. I say, Ernie.

[5:00] Ernie: Yep?

[5:01] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I notice a lot of abandoned buildings. Why is your family crammed into a tiny room with all this real estate available?

[5:07] Ernie: It's private property. If a building becomes vacant, the government auctions it off. Once it's privately owned, no one can live there.

[5:14] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: But what do the owners do with the empty buildings?

[5:17] Ernie: They tear them down and plant soybeans.

[5:19] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Soybeans? Is that profitable?

[5:21] Ernie: Government subsidies. They collect subsidies to grow soybeans, then the government pays them to store the soybeans, then pays them again to compost the soybeans to fertilize their soybean fields.

[5:31] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: But who eats the soybeans?

[5:32] Ernie: A small fraction of them are turned into the kind of imitation food that rich people eat, but the rest get composted.

[5:38] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Then what are the nutrition bars made of?

[5:40] Ernie: Heaven knows. There's no list of ingredients. They seem to be mostly algae.

[5:45] Ernie: We suspect there are barbiturates in them to keep us placid and birth control to keep the population down. We only eat them when we absolutely have to.

[5:52] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Monstrous! Do you know that you manufacture them?

[5:55] Ernie: I don't think so.

[5:56] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Fruity Berry Blast Bars are made by the Smythe Corporation. That's you.

[5:59] Ernie: I don't pay attention to what my businesses do. That's what my financial managers are for.

[6:04] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Perhaps you should take an interest.

[6:05] Ernie: I don't know. My past forays into business have not augured well. We're getting closer. I think you should climb down and hobble the last couple of blocks.

[6:12] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Chez Ernie was in an area that might have been called blighted if one wanted to be complimentary. The pavement had petered out several blocks earlier, and a trail of dust and rocks ran between a canyon of decaying buildings. The local populace, attired in the same class of rags as I, trudged here and there, lugging this and that, and looking miserable.

[6:34] Ernie: That's him. If we get separated, meet me in the lobby.

[6:40] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Got it. Before we go up, let's talk to my sister Judy about finding you a job.

[6:44] Ernie: Is that strictly necessary?

[6:46] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Everyone works. It would be suspicious if you just sat around doing nothing.

[6:50] Ernie: But I have no qualifications. I'm not skilled in any way.

[6:53] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: That's no impediment. Anything that requires any skill is done by robots anyway.

[6:58] Ernie: Then what's left?

[6:59] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Well, there's carrying things. That's what a lot of people do. You pick up something at one location and carry it somewhere else. It requires a certain amount of muscle, so maybe that's not for you.

[7:09] Ernie: I am susceptible to sprains.

[7:11] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Then there's gas leak locating. They give you a roll of tape and you stroll about sniffing at gas pipes. If you smell a leak, you wrap some tape around it.

[7:17] Ernie: It sounds dangerous.

[7:18] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Only if you have an open flame about you. Anything else?

[7:21] Ernie: My sister's a waiter.

[7:22] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh, in a restaurant?

[7:23] Ernie: No, that's another job for robots. She waits in lines.

[7:26] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: She just... waits?

[7:28] Ernie: Yes. There's lots of important things one has to line up for, but you can't take time off from work to do it, so people like Judy wait in line for you.

[7:35] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: It doesn't pay much, but it's steady.

[7:37] Ernie: That sounds as if it is within my abilities. Years of standing at soirees have given me the endurance of Atlas.

[7:43] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Good! I think she's at the insurance adjuster's office today. Now remember, your name is Johnny.

[7:49] Ernie: Got it! Before we set off, I paused at the entrance to the building and looked around carefully. Across the street, in one of the windows, I spotted what could have been a reflection from a pair of binoculars.

[8:01] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Cubby. I turned nonchalantly and strolled after Ernie. Now listen, Judy's a good egg, but she's nobody's fool. You'll have to look sharp. No slip-ups.

[8:11] Ernie: I am completely in character. Watch this.

[8:18] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I have to work on my distance, but I thought the attitude was spot-on. Here, wipe yourself with these leaves. There she is.

[8:24] Ernie: Oi, Judy!

[8:26] Judy: Ernie! Why aren't you at work?

[8:28] Ernie: I finish my deliveries early. This is Johnny.

[8:31] Judy: Hello.

[8:32] Ernie: Hiya, Johnny.

[8:33] Judy: You're not from around here.

[8:34] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: How could you tell?

[8:35] Judy: You've got all your fingernails.

[8:37] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I'm deuced glad to meet you.

[8:39] Judy: You've got a funny way of talking.

[8:41] Ernie: Yes, he's from Wales.

[8:43] Judy: Yes, excellent. Is that how they talk in Wales?

[8:46] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: When we speak at all, we Welsh are a taciturn race.

[8:50] Ernie: He came here to get a job waiting.

[8:52] Judy: Don't they have waiters in Wales?

[8:54] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: It's the nepotism. Waiting jobs pass from one generation to the next. Couldn't get a foothold. Greener pastures and all that.

[9:01] Judy: Suit yourself. Do you think you could get him started?

[9:04] Ernie: Sure. I'll talk to my supervisor after work.

[9:07] Judy: How's your bladder?

[9:08] Ernie: No bathroom breaks. You step out of line, you lose your place.

[9:11] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: As to that, I am known for the infrequency of my urinations.

[9:15] Judy: You talk pretty fancy for a waiter.

[9:18] Ernie: He reads a lot.

[9:19] Judy: Does he? What are you reading now?

[9:23] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: You're working your way through War and Peace, aren't you, Johnny?

[9:26] Ernie: Yes, I'm still slogging through the war bits, but you can just get a hint of approaching peace in the syntax.

[9:33] Judy: I guess you are a reader. I'm going to drag him back to meet mum. Are you coming home for dinner?

[9:38] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I think so. The line's moving a little faster since some of the older waiters fainted from the heat.

[9:44] Judy: Lionel's down. See you there, then.

[9:47] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Pleased to meet you, Johnny. I'll let you know what my supervisor says.

[9:51] Ernie: Thanks awfully. It's five flights to the apartment. Can you make it?

[9:55] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Five flights of stairs? I don't think I can carry you.

[10:00] Ernie: We can stop whenever you need to rest.

[10:02] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I did rather well, if I do say so. Stopping every half flight to sit and munch a few crackers. By late afternoon, we were standing outside an apartment door that had been lovingly painted a vibrant shade of blue.

[10:14] Ernie: This is it.

[10:15] Ernie: He opened the door, and we stepped into a tiny jewel box of an apartment. Every surface had been painted with swirls and loops of colour. Bits of shiny metal and glass were embedded here and there for emphasis.

[10:29] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: My word. This is lovely.

[10:32] Ernie: That's Judy's work. She's artistic.

[10:34] Ernie: Hello, Mum.

[10:35] Judy: A middle-aged matron with a grey bun on top of her head was standing over a sink, doing something to a pile of greenery.

[10:41] Mum: Hello, love. Who's this?

[10:43] Ernie: Mum, this is Johnny. He's an old-school chum. He's come to stay for the week.

[10:48] Mum: How do, Johnny? Excuse me not shaking hands. I'm up to the elbows in dandelion greens.

[10:53] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Pleased to meet you.

[10:54] Mum: Will you be staying for supper?

[10:56] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Thanks awfully. I'd love to.

[10:58] Mum: A curse. Share and share alike. All is for all. To each according to his need.

[11:03] Ernie: Mum's a socialist.

[11:04] Mum: And what are you?

[11:05] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Not in front of the guest, Mum.

[11:07] Unknown speaker: I feel the lash of poverty.

[11:09] Unknown speaker: Come the revolution, no doubt.

[11:11] Unknown speaker: He'll march like the rest of us.

[11:13] Unknown speaker: I would be honoured. When is it?

[11:15] Unknown speaker: It'll be here before you know it.

[11:17] Unknown speaker: And the streets will run with blood.

[11:19] Unknown speaker: Wipe your feet.

[11:20] Unknown speaker: Sorry, Mum.

[11:21] Unknown speaker: Don't pay any attention to me, Johnny.

[11:23] Unknown speaker: I've got a bark that's worse than me bite.

[11:25] Unknown speaker: You should meet my Aunt Hepacia.

[11:27] Unknown speaker: You two have a lot in common.

[11:28] Unknown speaker: Let me show you around.

[11:30] Unknown speaker: Though it was tiny, the apartment was dense.

[11:33] Unknown speaker: Ingenious cupboards and drawers were everywhere.

[11:36] Unknown speaker: In my little corner, the bed folds down from the wall.

[11:39] Unknown speaker: Every surface was covered with drawings of machines of one kind or another, interspersed with what I had been told in my youth were numbers.

[11:47] Unknown speaker: What's all this?

[11:49] Unknown speaker: Oh, I like to invent things in my spare time. It's just a hobby.

[11:52] Unknown speaker: Damn fine drawings.

[11:54] Unknown speaker: What's this one?

[11:55] Unknown speaker: Ah, that's something I call a bulb of light.

[11:57] Unknown speaker: What's it do?

[11:58] Unknown speaker: It replaces gas lights.

[11:59] Unknown speaker: How does it work?

[12:00] Unknown speaker: It doesn't. Yet.

[12:02] Unknown speaker: You see, most of my inventions are based on a force that doesn't exist except in nature.

[12:07] Unknown speaker: You can see it in lightning storms.

[12:09] Unknown speaker: Lightning contains incredible power.

[12:11] Unknown speaker: I was outside during a storm once and a bolt of lightning hit close by.

[12:15] Unknown speaker: I felt as if I was in a glass of fizzy water.

[12:17] Unknown speaker: The hairs on my head stood straight up.

[12:19] Unknown speaker: A tree nearby exploded from the power of it.

[12:22] Unknown speaker: I realized that there is a natural force that, if it could be harnessed, could usher in a new age of technology.

[12:26] Unknown speaker: I call it fizzy energy.

[12:30] Unknown speaker: My word, that is exciting.

[12:32] Unknown speaker: I just have to find a way to control it or produce it.

[12:34] Unknown speaker: And it would light up your bulb of light?

[12:36] Unknown speaker: Well, not just that.

[12:37] Unknown speaker: It could power motors with more power and less expense than steam.

[12:40] Unknown speaker: Well, I certainly wish you luck.

[12:43] Unknown speaker: Thanks.

[12:44] Unknown speaker: I'm closing in on the theory. That's what all these equations are.

[12:47] Unknown speaker: It seems you're wasted delivering groceries.

[12:50] Unknown speaker: I could never give up my delivery job.

[12:52] Unknown speaker: There aren't many professions available to us with the kind of future you get in the delivery game.

[12:56] Unknown speaker: As I gazed around the room, I was suddenly struck with a terrifying apprehension.

[13:01] Unknown speaker: I say, Ernie.

[13:02] Unknown speaker: Yep?

[13:03] Unknown speaker: You all sleep here? In one room?

[13:05] Unknown speaker: That's pretty common.

[13:06] Unknown speaker: But then... where do I sleep?

[13:09] Unknown speaker: You'll bunk with me. You get half a mattress all to yourself.

[13:12] Unknown speaker: Now, I like to think of myself as resilient.

[13:14] Unknown speaker: I have a guest room, and once or twice there have even been guests in it.

[13:18] Unknown speaker: I have never complained.

[13:20] Unknown speaker: Sharing a bedroom, however, much less a mattress, was beyond the pale.

[13:27] Unknown speaker: I halted toward the apartment door on shaking legs.

[13:30] Unknown speaker: A dark spot appeared in the center of my vision.

[13:34] Unknown speaker: Where are you going?

[13:35] Unknown speaker: I'm done.

[13:36] Unknown speaker: I wave the white flag.

[13:37] Unknown speaker: All is lost.

[13:38] Unknown speaker: Don't give up.

[13:40] Unknown speaker: It's not as bad as it seems.

[13:41] Unknown speaker: Why is there no air in here?

[13:43] Unknown speaker: My lungs don't seem to be functioning.

[13:45] Unknown speaker: As I approached the door, it opened from the other side, and Judy breezed in.

[13:49] Judy: Hello, all.

[13:51] Judy: Johnny, congratulations. You start in the morning.

[13:54] Judy: Be at the tax office at 7am.

[13:57] Unknown speaker: Say, are you all right?

[13:59] Unknown speaker: Yeah, he's just having a little panic attack.

[14:00] Judy: Here, sit down.

[14:02] Unknown speaker: She guided me into a chair, and I collapsed into it.

[14:04] Judy: What brought this on?

[14:05] Unknown speaker: Uh, homesickness.

[14:07] Unknown speaker: Mrs. Wales wants to go home.

[14:10] Judy: Aw, you poor fish.

[14:12] Judy: Say, maybe you're just hungry.

[14:14] Judy: Here, Mum, hand me that bowl of cherries.

[14:17] Judy: Here you go.

[14:18] Unknown speaker: She waited until my mouth opened to exhale, and shoved something round into it.

[14:23] Unknown speaker: I bit down, and an elixir filled my mouth that absolutely paralyzed me.

[14:30] Unknown speaker: What?

[14:32] Unknown speaker: What in the name of all that is holy is that?

[14:36] Judy: Well, it's a cherry, silly.

[14:38] Unknown speaker: A... cherry?

[14:41] Judy: They grow on trees.

[14:43] Unknown speaker: Don't you have them in Wales?

[14:44] Unknown speaker: Of course they do.

[14:46] Unknown speaker: He's just having a laugh.

[14:48] Judy: That's enough. You two set up the table. Food's ready.

[14:52] Unknown speaker: Sure thing, Mum.

[14:53] Unknown speaker: Will there be more... cherries?

[14:55] Judy: Oh, that's dessert. First we'll have a bit of salad, then pasta with marinara, and fresh baked bread.

[15:01] Unknown speaker: Are you feeling better?

[15:02] Unknown speaker: Yes, I am. I really am.

[15:06] Unknown speaker: I think I could eat something.

[15:09] Judy: Just stay there. We'll set up the table around you.

[15:11] Unknown speaker: They produced a folding table and chairs, and the table was set in a trice.

[15:15] Judy: Here's dandelion greens, lamb's quarters, with wild onions in a vinaigrette.

[15:23] Judy: Dig in, everyone.

[15:25] Unknown speaker: What followed was the greatest meal of my life.

[15:29] Unknown speaker: Leaves. Leaves that grew in the ground.

[15:33] Unknown speaker: Who suspected they could be eaten in this unprocessed form?

[15:37] Unknown speaker: And the tomato sauce, not at all like the dipping sauce that came with my pizza rolls.

[15:43] Unknown speaker: Complex, with sweetness and acidity in just the right proportions.

[15:48] Unknown speaker: I ate until I could hold no more.

[15:51] Unknown speaker: I'd say Johnny likes Mum's cooking alright.

[15:54] Unknown speaker: He's a man who knows what's good.

[15:57] Unknown speaker: Do you eat like this every night?

[15:59] Unknown speaker: On the weekday we don't try too hard.

[16:01] Unknown speaker: Turn up casserole vichyssoise. We get a little more creative on the weekends.

[16:06] Unknown speaker: Look here, Ernie, I've got to speak to you. Is there somewhere we can go?

[16:10] Ernie: Let's take a stroll.

[16:11] Unknown speaker: What, down the stairs?

[16:12] Ernie: Sure.

[16:13] Unknown speaker: And then back up the stairs?

[16:15] Ernie: Don't they have stairs in Wales?

[16:17] Unknown speaker: Mostly low-rises, on account of the earthquakes.

[16:20] Ernie: I never heard of earthquakes in Wales.

[16:22] Unknown speaker: We hush it up.

[16:23] Ernie: Silly Welsh pride.

[16:25] Ernie: Come on, Johnny, let's walk.

[16:26] Unknown speaker: I had waited until we had reached the street and found a quiet patch of dirt where we wouldn't be overheard.

[16:32] Ernie: Alright, my lad, what the blazes was that?

[16:35] Unknown speaker: What?

[16:36] Ernie: That meal? Where did that come from?

[16:38] Unknown speaker: That's the way we always eat.

[16:39] Ernie: Then why have I been swilling down impossible mutton and pizza rolls since childhood?

[16:44] Unknown speaker: Why have I been deprived of this ambrosia?

[16:46] Ernie: Because there's no profit in the kind of food we eat.

[16:49] Ernie: It just grows in the ground. The money's in the processing.

[16:52] Unknown speaker: And I could have been eating like this my whole life?

[16:56] Ernie: Sure.

[16:57] Unknown speaker: At that moment I was filled with a cold fury.

[17:00] Unknown speaker: A hatred of those who had stuffed me with improbable bacon and chickeny nuggets for their own selfish profits.

[17:07] Unknown speaker: Who are these monsters? These profiteers?

[17:10] Ernie: I'm afraid it's Smythe Coe again.

[17:12] Unknown speaker: What? I've been doing it to myself?

[17:15] Ernie: Afraid so.

[17:16] Unknown speaker: Ernie, I am a changed man. I have found my purpose in life.

[17:21] Unknown speaker: It is to eat like this every day until I die.

[17:26] Ernie: Well, it's good to have a go.

[17:27] Unknown speaker: Where do these fruits and vegetables come from?

[17:30] Ernie: Everybody's got a garden or two.

[17:31] Ernie: Vacant lots. Odd bits of land that haven't got soybeans on them.

[17:35] Ernie: Pots on the roof. Vegetables grow anywhere there's dirt.

[17:38] Unknown speaker: And it's all free?

[17:40] Ernie: There's some things we can't grow ourselves.

[17:42] Ernie: Flour, oil, salt. We trade for those if we can.

[17:45] Ernie: There's volunteer collectives that have built mills and oil presses. It's kind of on the ground.

[17:50] Unknown speaker: Amazing. In some ways, you live better than I do.

[17:55] Ernie: Money isn't everything.

[17:56] Unknown speaker: I said that just the other day at the club.

[18:00] Ernie: See? You're practically one of us.

[18:02] Unknown speaker: Do you think so?

[18:03] Ernie: If you had fewer teeth and a little sun damage, you'd fit right in.

[18:07] Unknown speaker: Ready for some cherries?

[18:08] Unknown speaker: You bet I am.

[18:10] Unknown speaker: Bring on those stairs.

[18:12] Unknown speaker: As we trudged back toward Ernie's flat, I suddenly felt dizzy.

[18:17] Unknown speaker: I say, Ernie.

[18:18] Ernie: Yes, Johnny.

[18:19] Unknown speaker: I'm afraid I'm not well. I'm beginning to hallucinate.

[18:22] Ernie: What do you think you see?

[18:23] Unknown speaker: I have the oddest feeling that those citizens in rags waving at us from the corner are my aunt and uncle, and that the shiny-headed pauper rooting through that garbage can is C. Langford Cheeseworth.

[18:34] Unknown speaker: Yoo-hoo! Johnny!

[18:36] Unknown speaker: Alas, it was no hallucination.

[18:39] Unknown speaker: My Aunt Hippasia, dressed like a theatrical version of a charwoman, was waving at me like a character from a Punch and Judy show.

[18:46] Unknown speaker: My Uncle Hugo stood glowering beside her in a sort of sack that must have held potatoes at some point in its existence, and from the shadow of a doorway, his head bowed with shame, stepped the Judas that I knew at once must be responsible for this catastrophe.

[19:02] Unknown speaker: My chinless cousin, Binky.

[19:05] Binky: Hello, Cyril. I mean Johnny.

[19:09] Unknown speaker: I can explain all this.

[19:11] Unknown speaker: My spirit, which had been buoyed up by dinner, poured itself a large vodka and began reading Russian literature.

[19:20] Unknown speaker: If this was not the end of my story, it was certainly the end of a chapter.

[19:32] Unknown speaker: And things were going so well.

[19:35] Unknown speaker: Can our hero survive the arrival of Aunt Hippasia, Uncle Hugo, Binky, and Cheeseworth?

[19:43] Unknown speaker: And are there enough cherries to go around?

[19:47] Unknown speaker: Join us next time for Twits in Peril, Chapter 3.

[19:51] Unknown speaker: Wales is a mysterious place.

[19:55] Unknown speaker: And now, let us bow down before the brilliance of our cast, without whom we would be as dust, blown hither and yon by the winds of fortune.

[20:10] Michael Urie: Michael Urie as Cyril Chippington Smythe,

[20:14] Christian Borle: Christian Borle as Cheswick Wickford Davies,

[20:18] Christian Borle: Binky to his friends,

[20:21] Dakin Matthews: Dakin Matthews as Bentley,

[20:23] Mary Testa: Mary Testa as Aunt Hippasia,

[20:26] Nick Sullivan: Nick Sullivan as Uncle Hugo,

[20:29] Stephen DeRosa: Stephen DeRosa as C. Langford Cheeseworth,

[20:33] Lily Cooper: Lily Cooper as Judy,

[20:36] Fergie L. Philippe: Fergie L. Philippe as Ernie,

[20:39] Rachel York: Rachel York as Mum,

[20:42] Wesley Taylor: Wesley Taylor as Cubby Martinez,

[20:45] Teddy Udane: Teddy Udane as Sven the Bartender,

[20:49] Anne Harada: Anne Harada as Mrs. Cedar,

[20:52] James Runner: James Runner as Lincoln,

[20:55] Nick Walker: Nick Walker as Ford,

[20:57] Katie Blake: Katie Blake as Martha,

[20:59] Stephen Berger: Stephen Berger as Sid,

[21:01] Noah Laverie: Noah Laverie as Penelope,

[21:04] Jacob Smith: Jacob Smith as An Advertisement,

[21:08] Jacob Smith: Jacob Smith as Man 1,

[21:11] Lilius White: Lilius White as Woman 1,

[21:14] Lilius White: and yours truly, Lilius White, as a disembodied, omnipotent voice.

[21:20] Unknown speaker: Written by Tom Allen Robbins.

[21:23] Unknown speaker: Co-directed by Tom Allen Robbins and Dory Berenstein.

[21:28] Unknown speaker: Produced by Dory Berenstein, Allen Seals, Brittany Bigelow, and the Broadway Podcast Network.

[21:31] Unknown speaker: Sound effects consultant, Eric Wright.

[21:40] Unknown speaker: Sound designer and editor, Brett Ashley.

[21:44] Unknown speaker: Executive produced by Liz Armstrong.

[21:47] Unknown speaker: Good day.