This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:01] Narrator: Welcome back to Twits in Peril, a steampunk distraction by Tom Alan Robbins.

[0:26] Narrator: When we last left Cyril, he was being carried on the shoulders of a mob bent on confronting the evil tycoon Cyril Chippington Smythe.

[0:36] Narrator: They little suspect that the heroic Johnny who is leading their little uprising is in fact the very Chippington Smythe they despise.

[0:47] Narrator: Quite a sticky wicket for our hero.

[0:52] Narrator: Join us now for Chapter 5, My Short but Brilliant Acting Career.

[0:59] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Though I present an elegant figure to the world, I am heavier than I look.

[1:06] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: The fun of carrying me on their shoulders soon palled and after a few blocks I was set on my feet.

[1:13] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: With each stride carrying me closer to home and almost certain discovery, I racked my brains for an escape plan.

[1:22] Unknown speaker: What's this Chippington Smythe fellow like? We've never seen him.

[1:26] Unknown speaker: Well, people say he's rather good looking.

[1:29] Unknown speaker: Are you sure about that? I've heard he has a somewhat mouse-like flavour.

[1:34] Unknown speaker: And a hunchback from a boat of childhood school youth.

[1:39] Unknown speaker: Not at all. He is known for the strength of his profile and the grace of his calves.

[1:45] Unknown speaker: Well, you certainly admire him.

[1:47] Unknown speaker: He is a gentleman. I think that sums him up.

[1:49] Unknown speaker: It's gentlemen that have got the world in this state. We don't think much of gentlemen.

[1:54] Unknown speaker: Would you have the world run by a ragtag mob of illiterates?

[1:58] Unknown speaker: Steady, Mortimer. If we're ragtag, it's because they haven't left us the means to dress any better.

[2:05] Unknown speaker: And a fancy education obviously doesn't produce a superior product.

[2:09] Unknown speaker: She slapped you on the snout rather soundly, Mortimer. Bravo, young Judy.

[2:16] Unknown speaker: Shall we talk about our list of demands?

[2:18] Unknown speaker: Why don't we go somewhere and discuss it at length? We can always come back tomorrow or next week.

[2:24] Unknown speaker: No, we've got to strike while the iron's hot.

[2:27] Unknown speaker: We should all be on our guard. This fellow is an evil genius after all.

[2:31] Unknown speaker: Perhaps he's only an idiot savant.

[2:34] Unknown speaker: That's half right.

[2:36] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: We trudged on, past empty buildings and soybean fields. The sun beat down and morale began to flag.

[2:43] Unknown speaker: Say, Rabbit, tell us about the Welsh Underground.

[2:46] Unknown speaker: There was a pause as Binky, lost in his thoughts, tried to make a whistle out of a blade of grass.

[2:53] Unknown speaker: I say, Rabbit, they're talking to you.

[2:56] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I poked him hard in the ribs.

[3:00] Binky: What? Oh, me. I'm the Rabbit.

[3:04] Binky: He's trained not to react to his code name, you see, in case the authorities try to trip him up.

[3:09] Unknown speaker: Pretty good. He fooled me.

[3:12] Unknown speaker: They want you to tell them about the Underground.

[3:14] Binky: I have never understood the subterranean reference.

[3:18] Binky: It conjures images of dirt and burrowing insects.

[3:22] Binky: Who would join such an organisation?

[3:25] Unknown speaker: They would have done much better to associate it with the Woodland Glade or the seashore.

[3:32] Unknown speaker: You can't plan an insurrection at the seashore with the waves crashing and the wind blowing.

[3:39] Unknown speaker: You can't hear yourself think.

[3:41] Unknown speaker: Yes, that's true. I withdraw the seashore.

[3:44] Unknown speaker: But what has the Welsh Underground been doing?

[3:47] Binky: Oh, we've got scabs of plans.

[3:51] Binky: There's the spring fundraiser coming up, and we're designing uniforms.

[3:58] Unknown speaker: You can't wear uniforms if you're in the Underground. They'll know who you are.

[4:02] Binky: Oh, right. The uniforms are for after. After we overthrow the oppressors.

[4:09] Binky: There's sure to be a parade, and won't we look smart in our matching outfits?

[4:14] Unknown speaker: You must be pretty confident.

[4:17] Binky: Well, the government's as rotten as an old log. One good push and down it will come.

[4:23] Unknown speaker: So what's the push going to be?

[4:25] Unknown speaker: Specifically?

[4:27] Unknown speaker: Well, can you not talk about it?

[4:29] Binky: Only in general terms.

[4:30] Unknown speaker: Does it have anything to do with locusts and their incessant streudelithians?

[4:36] Binky: I don't think so.

[4:38] Unknown speaker: No. When it happens, you'll hear about it. It's going to be positively explosive.

[4:45] Unknown speaker: Explosive? That's pretty hardcore. We were only talking about going on strike.

[4:52] Binky: What? Oh. I didn't mean...

[4:56] Unknown speaker: Maybe we shouldn't talk about it anymore. We don't want to be accessories to anything.

[5:01] Binky: You can never have too many accessories. In my opinion, they add je ne sais quoi to any ensemble.

[5:11] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: We rounded the corner and there stood the ancestral manse.

[5:15] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I had always found it warm and inviting, but with that angry mob milling about, it only wanted some heads on pikes and hungry ravens to resemble a medieval fortress.

[5:26] Judy: Judy rang the doorbell.

[5:31] Unknown speaker: Well, probably not home. Gone to the country, no doubt. Oh well.

[5:44] Bentley: The door opened and Bentley stood before us.

[5:47] Bentley: His optical sensors scanned the crowd and settled on me.

[5:51] Bentley: I could hear his gears working.

[5:54] Bentley: Good morning.

[5:55] Bentley: Good morning, miss.

[5:56] Bentley: Is Mr. Chippington-Smith at home?

[6:00] Bentley: Bentley gazed at me with no expression whatsoever.

[6:03] Bentley: I believe he is, miss.

[6:05] Bentley: Tell him his old friend Johnny is here to see him.

[6:09] Bentley: Yes. Hello. Bentley, is it? Good to see you again. Have you been?

[6:15] Bentley: I am well, sir.

[6:16] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: When my friends here found out I knew Mr. Chippington-Smith, they insisted we come and chat him up.

[6:22] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Run some ideas by him, you know, about social change and all that.

[6:27] Bentley: Indeed, sir. I'm sure he will find it most enlightening.

[6:31] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: But he's probably busy, eh? Couldn't possibly spare the time, no doubt.

[6:35] Bentley: On the contrary, sir. Mr. Chippington-Smith is at leisure.

[6:39] Bentley: Allow me to show you to the parlor. Please come in, everyone.

[6:43] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Well, I couldn't imagine what Bentley was playing at.

[6:46] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I'd given him an opening and he'd muffed it.

[6:49] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I led the mob into the house and we pooled in the parlor by the sliding panels which separated it from my den.

[6:55] Bentley: Bentley parked himself in front of the doors.

[6:57] Bentley: I'm afraid I must insist that Mr. Chippington-Smith speak with Johnny alone.

[7:02] Bentley: He is rather eccentric and is terrified of crowds.

[7:07] Unknown speaker: Oh, eccentric, is he?

[7:09] Bentley: Extremely. If you would accompany me through the doors, Mr. Chippington-Smith will meet with you now.

[7:16] Unknown speaker: It's on you, Johnny. You've got to speak for all of us.

[7:20] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Never fear. He shall feel my righteous indignation.

[7:25] Bentley: Bentley slid the doors open just wide enough for me to squeeze through and followed me in, closing the doors behind us.

[7:31] Bentley: May I ask how your adventure is progressing, sir?

[7:35] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: We're in the soup, Bentley.

[7:36] Bentley: Have your opinions about the poor been altered by your experiences?

[7:41] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Have they? Bentley, my eyes have been opened.

[7:44] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Do you know, I'm not sure I don't want to hang this Chippington-Smith myself.

[7:48] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: My company has done terrible things.

[7:50] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: In spite of all of it, the people thrive.

[7:53] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Their lives are infinitely more interesting than ours.

[7:56] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: And the food! Bentley, you'll have to throw away everything in the freezer.

[8:00] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: No more manufactured ersatz anything.

[8:03] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: From now on, it's fresh food for me.

[8:05] Bentley: I am gratified to hear it, sir.

[8:07] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Did Ernie come by? I told him to update you.

[8:10] Bentley: Yes, sir. We had an extensive conversation. He is a remarkable young man.

[8:15] Bentley: His sister is a firecracker, full of ideas about social justice.

[8:19] Bentley: And his mum is a chef of the first magnitude.

[8:22] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: It's a pity that their gifts are not being fully utilized.

[8:25] Bentley: That's so true.

[8:27] Bentley: Perhaps you could alter their situation, sir?

[8:30] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Who, me?

[8:31] Bentley: If not you, then who?

[8:34] Bentley: If not now, when?

[8:36] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh, I love riddles. Let's see. If not you...

[8:40] Bentley: Perhaps we should leave that for another time.

[8:42] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Yes. Now, how do I get out of this mess?

[8:44] Bentley: I suggest what might be referred to as a theatrical ploy, sir.

[8:49] Bentley: If you alter your voice and play the role of Mr. Chippington Smythe, you can hold a conversation with yourself as Johnny, that will be overheard in the parlor.

[9:00] Bentley: One voice will make demands, the other will acquiesce.

[9:04] Bentley: And your friends need never lay eyes on the mysterious owner of the Smythe Corporation.

[9:10] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Hey, Jove, it's genius. How do you think this monster should speak?

[9:14] Bentley: Sit here, lad. If you think you can just walk in here...

[9:17] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: A bit stereotypical, sir.

[9:19] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What about this?

[9:20] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh, Johnny, thank goodness you brought this to my attention.

[9:24] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: You know what a hopeless idiot I am.

[9:26] Bentley: Again, sir, I believe a lighter hand is called for.

[9:30] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Fine.

[9:31] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I say, Johnny, those are some rather good points you're making.

[9:34] Bentley: That is acceptable, sir.

[9:36] Bentley: Now, how should he walk?

[9:37] Bentley: Tempus fugit, sir.

[9:39] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Yes, yes. Here we go.

[9:41] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Now, look here, Chippington Smythe, these kinds of business practices just won't wash.

[9:45] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: These aren't the Dark Ages, you know.

[9:48] Bentley: Why, what on earth do you mean, old bag?

[9:51] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: You're oppressing the poor, you know.

[9:53] Bentley: Am I? I had no idea.

[9:56] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Well, that's all right, my lad. I'm here to set it right.

[9:59] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: You'll just listen to old Johnny, and we'll soon have this place running like a clock.

[10:04] Bentley: Johnny, thank goodness for you.

[10:06] Bentley: I bless the day that we became fast friends.

[10:09] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Yes, friendship like ours can't be bought at any price.

[10:14] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I say, have you lost weight?

[10:17] Bentley: Oh, a pound or two, can you tell?

[10:20] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh, yes. You're lean as an athlete.

[10:23] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I'm sure you could enter the Olympics if you cared about such things.

[10:26] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: For that matter, you're looking rather dashing yourself.

[10:30] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Have you done something different with your hair?

[10:33] Bentley: Yeah, oh yeah.

[10:35] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Well, never mind about all that, Johnny.

[10:37] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: What should I do about all this social injustice and whatnot?

[10:41] Bentley: I'll tell you exactly what to do.

[10:44] Bentley: That should be sufficient, sir.

[10:46] Bentley: If you could lower your voice and murmur unintelligibly for a few moments, I believe we can conclude our masquerade.

[10:53] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Radhafraza Upsilion.

[10:56] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oopsy-daisy Allegheny Mahongahela.

[10:59] Bentley: Well, I believe you may rejoin your guests, sir.

[11:02] Bentley: He slid open the pocket doors and we squeezed through, shutting them behind us.

[11:06] Unknown speaker: Well, what did he say?

[11:08] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: He's an amazing chap, I must say. Mind like a razor. Chin of granite.

[11:13] Unknown speaker: But what did he say?

[11:15] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh, he's all for reform. Said yes to everything.

[11:17] Unknown speaker: But what? Specifically?

[11:19] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Well, we didn't have time to go into all the details.

[11:22] Unknown speaker: Then what did you achieve?

[11:24] Bentley: I'm afraid Johnny is too modest to boast of his accomplishments.

[11:28] Bentley: I may clarify what actually took place.

[11:31] Bentley: Mr. Chippington-Smith agreed to the creation of a new position within the company, answerable only to him, and empowered to make any changes that might improve the lives of the general population.

[11:42] Bentley: These would include, but are not limited to, the areas of job creation, better housing, and land redistribution.

[11:51] Bentley: That's correct, isn't it, sir?

[11:54] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh, yes. That's just what we decided.

[11:57] Bentley: Corporate mumbo-jumbo.

[11:59] Bentley: And Johnny insisted that this position be filled by someone who could indisputably be trusted to act in the best interests of the people.

[12:08] Unknown speaker: And who's that?

[12:10] Unknown speaker: Did you want to be the one to tell her, sir?

[12:12] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Who, me?

[12:13] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: It was your idea, after all.

[12:16] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: Oh, yes. It was my idea. Wouldn't have had it any other way.

[12:20] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: But who is it?

[12:22] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: It's... um...

[12:24] Cyril Chippington-Smythe: I goggled at Bentley desperately, but he just looked back at me like a schoolmaster surveying a...

[12:29] Unknown speaker: A particularly dull specimen.

[12:31] Unknown speaker: Suddenly, the light dawned.

[12:33] Unknown speaker: You! Judy!

[12:35] Unknown speaker: That's right, isn't it?

[12:37] Unknown speaker: Absolutely correct.

[12:39] Unknown speaker: Got it in one go.

[12:41] Unknown speaker: Me? Of course. Who else?

[12:43] Unknown speaker: Three cheers for Judy!

[12:45] Unknown speaker: Hip hip hooray!

[12:47] Unknown speaker: Hip hip hooray!

[12:49] Unknown speaker: Hip hip hooray!

[12:51] Unknown speaker: The government will never accept it.

[12:53] Unknown speaker: But the Smythe Corporation owns the government, doesn't it?

[12:55] Unknown speaker: Not officially.

[12:58] Unknown speaker: But to all intents and purposes?

[13:00] Unknown speaker: Off the record, yes.

[13:02] Unknown speaker: Then that's taken care of.

[13:04] Unknown speaker: But what of the shareholders?

[13:06] Unknown speaker: What of the shareholders, indeed?

[13:08] Unknown speaker: I think you'll find, as Mr. Chippington Smythe expressed it, that a rising tide lifts all boats.

[13:16] Unknown speaker: After all, if people have money to spend, they become customers.

[13:20] Unknown speaker: And since Smythe Corporation sells virtually everything, business should thrive.

[13:26] Unknown speaker: So the money lost in soybean subsidies will be made up in consumer goods.

[13:32] Unknown speaker: Brilliant.

[13:34] Unknown speaker: At that moment, a hyperventilating Cubby Martinez burst into the room.

[13:38] Unknown speaker: He stared about him with wild eyes and pointed an accusatory finger at me.

[13:48] Unknown speaker: Aha!

[13:50] Unknown speaker: The evidence could not be clearer.

[13:52] Unknown speaker: I declare the wager lost.

[13:54] Unknown speaker: Who the hell are you?

[13:56] Unknown speaker: Say, you're that adman from the town square.

[13:58] Unknown speaker: I am Cubby Martinez, the Marshal of Twits.

[14:04] Unknown speaker: The what of what?

[14:06] Unknown speaker: Look here, Cubby. You've got this all wrong.

[14:08] Unknown speaker: You won't talk your way out this time.

[14:10] Unknown speaker: Cubby, if you'll just turn around and leave, I'll explain it all to you later.

[14:14] Unknown speaker: Too late. Clearly these people know who you are.

[14:18] Unknown speaker: Who is he?

[14:20] Unknown speaker: He is Cyril Chippington Smythe, of course, who has finally gotten his comeuppance.

[14:24] Unknown speaker: He's who?

[14:26] Unknown speaker: Chippington Smythe here wagered that he could live like a common citizen for one week. If his identity was discovered, the bet was lost.

[14:36] Unknown speaker: And here you all are in his very house.

[14:44] Unknown speaker: At this point, Bentley gave a little cough.

[14:46] Bentley: Excuse me, sir.

[14:48] Bentley: If I understand the terms of the wager, there was another codicil which stated that if his identity was revealed prematurely through some blunder on your part, Mr. Chippington Smythe was to be declared the winner.

[15:03] Unknown speaker: What of it?

[15:05] Bentley: Prior to the entrance of Mr. Martinez, did anyone here suspect that this gentleman was anything other than a common citizen named Johnny?

[15:13] Unknown speaker: Not me.

[15:15] Unknown speaker: He certainly fooled us.

[15:17] Unknown speaker: Cubby's mouth opened and closed like a fish until he finally finds the water has disappeared.

[15:21] Unknown speaker: But...

[15:23] Unknown speaker: But...

[15:25] Unknown speaker: I can attest that those are the facts and I believe my word is good at the club.

[15:29] Unknown speaker: I too can verify that my nephew had become indistinguishable from a member of the working class until your untimely intervention and I would like to see any member of your club contradict me.

[15:41] Unknown speaker: Hooray! We're saved!

[15:43] Unknown speaker: You've really put your foot in it, Cubby.

[15:47] Unknown speaker: What did I tell the fellows?

[15:49] Unknown speaker: My bar tab in the new year's going to be monstrous?

[15:51] Unknown speaker: Cubby had grown progressively redder and seemed to be shrinking before my eyes.

[15:57] Unknown speaker: Finally, with a shriek like a steam whistle, he spun and ran from the room.

[16:05] Unknown speaker: Well, that seems to be that.

[16:07] Unknown speaker: Not quite.

[16:09] Unknown speaker: There's still the little matter of who you are.

[16:11] Unknown speaker: Oh, yes.

[16:13] Unknown speaker: I'm terribly sorry about that.

[16:15] Unknown speaker: Are you really Cyril Chippington-Smith?

[16:19] Cyril Chippington Smythe: I'm afraid so.

[16:21] Unknown speaker: And there is no Johnny?

[16:23] Cyril Chippington Smythe: He was an avatar, if you will.

[16:25] Unknown speaker: Pity.

[16:27] Unknown speaker: I rather liked him.

[16:29] Unknown speaker: She turned to Binky, sadly.

[16:31] Unknown speaker: And I suppose you're not a feared member of the Welsh Resistance?

[16:35] Bentley: Um...

[16:37] Bentley: No, sorry.

[16:39] Bentley: The truth is I have no resistance of any kind.

[16:44] Unknown speaker: There is no Welsh Rabbit?

[16:46] Bentley: He was called Rabbit at school, but it derived from a gentle nature and a habitual twitch of the nose rather than any elusiveness.

[16:54] Unknown speaker: Can you forgive me?

[16:56] Unknown speaker: Will you promise to tell me the absolute truth in the future?

[17:00] Cyril Chippington Smythe: I do.

[17:02] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Whenever I'm able to discern the truth.

[17:04] Bentley: Slippery thing, truth.

[17:06] Unknown speaker: It's enough that you try.

[17:08] Unknown speaker: I think we can remain friends.

[17:10] Unknown speaker: I must say, this slumming has turned out to be a great success.

[17:14] Unknown speaker: I almost regret not sampling that churro.

[17:18] Unknown speaker: But regrets, like influenza, are a part of life.

[17:24] Unknown speaker: Hello all.

[17:26] Ernie: Ernie!

[17:28] Ernie: What are you doing here?

[17:30] Ernie: I had to make sure Mr. Martinez got here alright.

[17:32] Unknown speaker: You sent Cubby here?

[17:34] Ernie: I was in the kitchen making my delivery when Bentley saw the crowd coming.

[17:38] Ernie: He sent me on the double to find Cubby.

[17:40] Unknown speaker: What's going on?

[17:42] Unknown speaker: Once again, it seems that it was Bentley's invisible hand moving us all about, like chess pieces.

[17:46] Bentley: You give me far too much credit, sir.

[17:48] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Say, listen, Ernie.

[17:50] Cyril Chippington Smythe: As long as I'm creating new jobs, I've got one for you.

[17:54] Ernie: What is it?

[17:56] Cyril Chippington Smythe: You're the new head of research at Smythe Corporation.

[17:58] Cyril Chippington Smythe: You'll have everything you need. Lab, assistance, equipment.

[18:02] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Now you can find that fizzy energy you've been looking for.

[18:06] Ernie: Do you mean it?

[18:08] Cyril Chippington Smythe: I've got a job for your mum as well, if she wants it.

[18:10] Ernie: Do you think she'd be interested in cooking for me?

[18:12] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Full-time, you mean?

[18:14] Cyril Chippington Smythe: At a generous salary, with benefits, of course.

[18:16] Bentley: I anticipated your interest, sir.

[18:18] Bentley: She is in the kitchen as we speak.

[18:20] Bentley: I took the liberty of placing the autocooker in the trash.

[18:24] Cyril Chippington Smythe: This house begins to feel more like a pleasure palace than a respectable home.

[18:30] Bentley: I'm not quite sure how I feel about it, so I'm afraid I must disapprove until I have more information.

[18:39] Unknown speaker: Hello, everybody.

[18:41] Unknown speaker: I've thrown together some hors d'oeuvres.

[18:43] Unknown speaker: Is anyone hungry?

[18:45] Unknown speaker: There's eggplant dip and roasted peppers and warm flatbread with olive oil.

[18:51] Cyril Chippington Smythe: That settles it.

[18:53] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Come, Hugo.

[18:55] Cyril Chippington Smythe: An orgy seems to be breaking out, and I do not wish to be listed among the participants.

[19:01] Unknown speaker: Yes, goodbye, Aunt.

[19:03] Unknown speaker: Do visit again soon.

[19:05] Unknown speaker: Don't cross this threshold again until you've come to your senses.

[19:09] Unknown speaker: That's all right, then.

[19:11] Unknown speaker: See you at Christmas.

[19:13] Unknown speaker: Oh, sorry, dear boy, but they're my ride.

[19:17] Unknown speaker: Wait for me!

[19:19] Unknown speaker: Good riddance, I say.

[19:21] Unknown speaker: Look here, are you sure you want to work for a blood-sucking capitalist?

[19:25] Cyril Chippington Smythe: You were a blood-sucking capitalist when I didn't know you.

[19:29] Cyril Chippington Smythe: You're family now, which means your blood-sucking capitalism.

[19:33] Cyril Chippington Smythe: The job comes with dental.

[19:35] Unknown speaker: I say, I've never found out your name.

[19:37] Unknown speaker: I can't very well go on calling you Ernie's mum.

[19:41] Cook: It's Cook.

[19:43] Cook: Cook?

[19:45] Cook: Short for Cookie.

[19:47] Cook: My folks were somewhat whimsical with the names.

[19:51] Cook: My siblings are Brownie, Clementine and Potato.

[19:55] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Cook, then.

[19:57] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Perfect.

[19:59] Unknown speaker: And so ends my adventure with soda and munching on a plate of toast with jam.

[20:05] Unknown speaker: With my girdle safely around my waist once more, I felt snug as the proverbial insect in the carpet.

[20:13] Bentley: Cook is leaving for the evening, sir.

[20:15] Cyril Chippington Smythe: I wish you could taste her toast and jam.

[20:17] Bentley: Alas, I lack the necessary senses.

[20:21] Unknown speaker: Your adventure seems to have turned out rather well, if I may say so.

[20:25] Cyril Chippington Smythe: I feel this is the beginning of a new age.

[20:30] Cyril Chippington Smythe: An age of toast, you know, and jam and such.

[20:36] Unknown speaker: Do you really think I did well?

[20:40] Bentley: I think you have experienced some personal growth, sir, which is always a positive development.

[20:46] Cyril Chippington Smythe: I have a new mission, Bentley.

[20:48] Cyril Chippington Smythe: I'm going to go in for personal growth in a big way.

[20:52] Bentley: Shall I acquire some books on the subject, sir?

[20:54] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Oh no, the old bean couldn't take it. No reading, I'm afraid.

[20:58] Bentley: You could hire some tutors on philosophy.

[21:00] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Heavens no, that sounds gruesome.

[21:02] Cyril Chippington Smythe: No, I'm sure I can figure it out for myself.

[21:04] Cyril Chippington Smythe: I'll just sit here and eat toast and stare into the fire and think.

[21:14] Bentley: Are you thinking now, sir?

[21:16] Cyril Chippington Smythe: As a matter of fact, I am.

[21:18] Bentley: About personal growth?

[21:20] Cyril Chippington Smythe: About eggs. I am determined to acquire some. Imagine what Cook could accomplish with them.

[21:26] Bentley: I must acquire some chickens, sir.

[21:28] Bentley: There are rumors of sightings in some of the more distant provinces. Why chickens?

[21:32] Cyril Chippington Smythe: It is chickens that lay the eggs.

[21:34] Bentley: But if we begin with eggs, they will invariably hatch into chickens.

[21:38] Cyril Chippington Smythe: I believe that chickens must come first, sir.

[21:40] Bentley: I am certain it will be easier to begin with eggs.

[21:42] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Chickens, sir?

[21:44] Bentley: Eggs, Bentley.

[21:46] Cyril Chippington Smythe: You seem to have strong convictions on the chicken-egg controversy, so I shall withdraw.

[21:50] Bentley: Good night, sir.

[21:52] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Good night, Bentley.

[21:54] Cyril Chippington Smythe: A fine fellow, Bentley, but obviously no farmer.

[21:56] Cyril Chippington Smythe: This required scientific thinking, which was Ernie's bailiwick.

[22:00] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Tomorrow, I'd have him drop everything and concentrate on egg production.

[22:04] Cyril Chippington Smythe: I had a flair for business, after all. Perhaps it was time I took control of my various industries and ran them myself.

[22:12] Cyril Chippington Smythe: Imagine how pleased my relatives would be at the huge increase in profits that would undoubtedly result.

[22:18] Cyril Chippington Smythe: I took a large bite of toast, settled back in my chair, and promptly fell fast asleep.

[22:29] Unknown speaker: Sleep well, Cyril, and dream of eggs.

[22:33] Unknown speaker: You've earned it.

[22:35] Unknown speaker: Thank you for listening to Twits in Peril.

[22:39] Unknown speaker: Be on the lookout for Season 3, Twits Abroad.

[22:41] Unknown speaker: Until then, be true to your club and always remember to oil your valet.

[22:49] Unknown speaker: Ta-ta!

[22:51] Unknown speaker: And now, let us bow down before the brilliance of our cast, without whom we would be as dust, blown hither and yon by the winds of fortune.

[23:05] Unknown speaker: Michael Urie as Cyril Chippington Smythe, Kristen Borle as Cheswick Wickford Davies, binky to his friends, Dakin Matthews as Bentley, Mary Testa as Auntie Pesha, Nick Sullivan as Uncle Hugo, Steven DeRosa as Siri Langford-Cheeseworth, Lily Cooper as Judy, Fergie L. Philipp as Ernie, Rachel York as Mum, Wesley Taylor as Cubby Martinez, Teddy Udaine as Sven the Bartender, Anne Harada as Mrs. Cedar, James Runner as Lincoln, Nick Walker as Ford, Katie Blake as Martha, Stephen Berger as Sid, Jacob Smith as an advertisement, Jacob Smith as Man 1, Lilius White as Woman 1, and yours truly, Lilius White as a disembodied, omnipotent voice.

[24:12] Unknown speaker: Written by Tom Allen-Robbins, Co-directed by Tom Allen-Robbins and Dory Berenstein.

[24:22] Unknown speaker: Produced by Dory Berenstein, Allen Seals, Brittany Bigelow, and the Broadway Podcast Network.

[24:30] Unknown speaker: Sound effects consultant Eric Wright.

[24:32] Unknown speaker: Sound designer and editor Brett Ashley.

[24:38] Unknown speaker: Executive produced by Liz Armstrong.

[24:40] Unknown speaker: Good day!