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[0:00] Brad Forenza: Hey, it's me, Around the Sun creator Brad Forenza, inviting you to be a fly on the wall as someone is about to reveal a dirty little secret. Do you have any of those tucked away? Spill the tea on hashtag Around the Sun podcast. But for now, enjoy Wall Street starring Joanna Bonaro and Maureen Van Zandt. Batter up!

[0:37] Joanna Bonaro: It is summertime at a Subway Series baseball game as Carol and Barbara watch the field intently.

[0:47] Maureen Van Zandt: Hell of a view we got here, Barbara. No better way to watch a Subway Series game than from right behind home plate.

[0:52] Joanna Bonaro: Well, their company seats, Carol. What do you expect?

[0:56] Maureen Van Zandt: Oh yeah? How'd you get Global to spring for this?

[1:01] Joanna Bonaro: Let's just call it a business meeting, if you know what I mean.

[1:05] Maureen Van Zandt: And what, pray tell, is the nature of our professional relationship?

[1:10] Joanna Bonaro: You got me the job, Carol. Do you think a huge brokerage firm like Global would have even looked at my resume if it weren't for you?

[1:15] Maureen Van Zandt: Oh, no big deal. That's what headhunters do. We place people. Besides, you're a good neighbor. Always liked you ever since you moved into the building.

[1:25] Joanna Bonaro: Popcorn, pretzels, ice cold beer here. Did you know that your wife was the first person I met when I moved in?

[1:35] Maureen Van Zandt: What are you talking about? What did Cindy have to do with anything?

[1:39] Joanna Bonaro: You moved in January. I had you over in time for Super Bowl. My stuff was still in boxes and I was really missing home. And then Cindy showed up with a welcome basket. She and Pinky.

[1:51] Maureen Van Zandt: Pinky?

[1:56] Joanna Bonaro: Oh, that made me feel so included. Don't get me started on that thing, Barbara.

[2:02] Maureen Van Zandt: It's Cindy's bird. It pisses and craps all day long and I want nothing to do with it.

[2:08] Joanna Bonaro: I wouldn't let her bring that thing back into your apartment unless, of course, you want to be bent over the toilet all day from the avian flu.

[2:14] Maureen Van Zandt: Oh?

[2:14] Joanna Bonaro: Ever since the kids left for college, she's been nuts over that bird. When she's even home, that is.

[2:20] Maureen Van Zandt: Well, one of these days, I want to do something to thank you both for welcoming me and getting me into Global.

[2:26] Joanna Bonaro: Cindy didn't get you into Global, Barbara. I got you into Global.

[2:33] Maureen Van Zandt: I still want to repay you both for everything. So when you're ready, say the word.

[2:39] Joanna Bonaro: It's called being neighborly. That's all it is.

[2:41] Maureen Van Zandt: And the Mets are out trying to steal.

[2:43] Joanna Bonaro: Oh, come on, Mets. Why next time?

[2:49] Maureen Van Zandt: Hey, speaking of headhunting, it looks like your Mets could use a little talent recruitment themselves.

[2:53] Joanna Bonaro: They are fine.

[2:56] Maureen Van Zandt: No, it's not just them. The steal is a dying art.

[2:59] Joanna Bonaro: Crackers! Does Polly want a cracker?

[3:02] Maureen Van Zandt: Hey, does Cindy like dinner cruises? Maybe I could take you guys on one of those tours around Manhattan.

[3:07] Joanna Bonaro: Don't worry about Cindy. She's never home.

[3:10] Maureen Van Zandt: I see her all over the neighborhood, though.

[3:13] Joanna Bonaro: Yeah, a real busybody.

[3:15] Maureen Van Zandt: Oh, feeding the homeless, picketing the developers.

[3:19] Joanna Bonaro: And when she is home, she spends all her time with that damn cockatiel.

[3:24] Maureen Van Zandt: Pinky?

[3:25] Joanna Bonaro: Always cooing at it and tickling it. They turn my stomach, the two of them.

[3:29] Maureen Van Zandt: But I never knew you felt that way about him.

[3:32] Joanna Bonaro: It is not natural for a grown woman to get so wrapped up in a bird, Barbara.

[3:37] Maureen Van Zandt: I understand the emotionality of it. Her kids have flown the coop. But I have needs, too, you know. I like tickling, too.

[3:44] Joanna Bonaro: Ball four.

[3:45] Maureen Van Zandt: Yes!

[3:46] Joanna Bonaro: Hey, Yankees, where did you learn how to pitch? Filene's basement?

[3:49] Maureen Van Zandt: And here I always thought you and Cindy were the team to beat.

[3:53] Joanna Bonaro: We're not the Yankees, Barb.

[3:59] Maureen Van Zandt: You mean you're not the Mets.

[4:01] Joanna Bonaro: Every five years we might make the playoffs or the series. But the years in between can be tough to watch.

[4:08] Maureen Van Zandt: Exactly. But then I started recruiting this hot young chick for Pharma Incorporated, top of her class. And let's just say this off year is shaping up to be an exciting season.

[4:23] Joanna Bonaro: Carol, if you have any stock in Pharma Incorporated, you better sell it like five minutes ago.

[4:27] Maureen Van Zandt: They failed a major FDA trial this afternoon.

[4:33] Joanna Bonaro: They failed a trial?

[4:34] Maureen Van Zandt: Yeah. Get your money out. Sell your stock.

[4:37] Joanna Bonaro: But first, tell me more about this, uh, Paramore.

[4:43] Maureen Van Zandt: Oh, she's great. She's amazing. I've never been happier. There's just one problem.

[4:49] Joanna Bonaro: Cindy?

[4:50] Maureen Van Zandt: No. Pinky.

[4:53] Joanna Bonaro: Pinky?

[4:54] Maureen Van Zandt: That rotten, jerk Pinky.

[4:57] Joanna Bonaro: But he's such a sweet little bird.

[5:01] Maureen Van Zandt: A sweet little bird? It's more like a nasty little turd. You should hear the mouth on him, Barbara. I mean, the names he calls me.

[5:09] Joanna Bonaro: Like what?

[5:10] Maureen Van Zandt: Nuts!

[5:12] Joanna Bonaro: Well, the first time I had my lady friend over, while Cindy was out screaming her head off at the community board, that bird kept calling me a cheater.

[5:20] Maureen Van Zandt: He did?

[5:22] Joanna Bonaro: Cheater! Cheater! Just like that. And the rest of the night, even after Cindy gets home, he keeps banging around in there screaming, Cheaters never prosper! Cheaters never prosper!

[5:32] Maureen Van Zandt: I'm impressed!

[5:33] Joanna Bonaro: What are you impressed about? He's a beast, that bird is.

[5:36] Maureen Van Zandt: But very smart.

[5:39] Joanna Bonaro: Last week, he calls my lady friend a whore and a homewrecker.

[5:43] Maureen Van Zandt: She left in tears, Barbara, and that is not appropriate.

[5:46] Joanna Bonaro: I didn't know a cockatoo could say that many things.

[5:50] Maureen Van Zandt: He's a cockatiel, Barbara. A cockatiel.

[5:53] Joanna Bonaro: Ah, cockatoo, cockatiel. You know, my observation is the same.

[5:59] Maureen Van Zandt: Pinky is a cockatiel. The cockatoos are much more handsome.

[6:03] Joanna Bonaro: Pinky is gross. Pinky sucks.

[6:06] Maureen Van Zandt: Oh my, he's a cockatiel.

[6:09] Joanna Bonaro: We'll wait till you hear what he says to Cindy last night when she gets home.

[6:13] Maureen Van Zandt: What?

[6:14] Joanna Bonaro: After she says she smells perfume in the apartment, and I tell her it's from a candle I lit in the bathroom, Pinky starts calling me a liar.

[6:22] Maureen Van Zandt: Oh, God.

[6:23] Joanna Bonaro: Liar, liar, pants on fire, he says. And after I talk Cindy down from that, she wants to know why the bedsheets aren't tucked under the mattress. And you know what that little twerp calls me next? A lying bastard.

[6:35] Maureen Van Zandt: Oh, you think this is funny, Barbara, but that damn cockatoo is obstructionist.

[6:43] Joanna Bonaro: I thought you said he was a cockatiel.

[6:46] Maureen Van Zandt: Who cares? He's a cock-a-block is what he is.

[6:49] Joanna Bonaro: Now, no fooling, Barbara. I need your help on this.

[6:52] Maureen Van Zandt: What do you need me for?

[6:54] Joanna Bonaro: I need you to kill that bird.

[6:57] Maureen Van Zandt: Kill your bird?

[6:59] Joanna Bonaro: Grand slam, Barbara.

[7:02] Maureen Van Zandt: Why can't you kill your own bird?

[7:05] Joanna Bonaro: I tried. I tried, and I couldn't do it. No matter how much I hate that thing, I just can't kill it. I bought rat poison, and I couldn't put it in his food. I perched him outside, and I had to pull him back. I do love Cindy. I don't want to hurt her or take away another one of her children. But I finally have a no-hitter. I finally have a shutout. Now, don't take that away from me, Barb. Just kill the damn bird so we can be happy again.

[7:40] Maureen Van Zandt: I can't do that.

[7:42] Joanna Bonaro: What do you mean you can't do that?

[7:44] Maureen Van Zandt: Hire a subcontractor. I don't care what you do. But you owe me, remember? Now, I don't want to go on any cruise around Manhattan. I just want you to do the neighborly thing to do and kill that bird.

[7:59] Joanna Bonaro: I can't kill another living thing, Carol. Especially something Cindy loves so much.

[8:08] Maureen Van Zandt: You know, you make me sick. I could never look her in the eyes again.

[8:12] Joanna Bonaro: So, all that talk about wanting to thank me for placing you at Global. All that talk about wanting to thank me for welcoming you into the building. All that is bunk now, huh?

[8:21] Maureen Van Zandt: If it means killing Pinky.

[8:27] Joanna Bonaro: I can't do that. Sorry, you'll have to just find another stooge.

[8:33] Maureen Van Zandt: What?

[8:34] Joanna Bonaro: Some businessman.

[8:35] Maureen Van Zandt: You must be Barbara. You don't even know how to play the game, do you?

[8:39] Joanna Bonaro: What are you talking about, Carol?

[8:41] Maureen Van Zandt: You know, you're not making sense. Grab a beer and cool off.

[8:46] Joanna Bonaro: Embezzlement and insider trading.

[8:50] Maureen Van Zandt: Huh?

[8:52] Joanna Bonaro: These seats were purchased for professional purposes by Global, your employer. That's embezzlement. And you disclosed privileged information about Pharma Incorporated, another company's anticipated financial performance. That's insider trading.

[9:09] Maureen Van Zandt: Inside trading.

[9:12] Joanna Bonaro: Carol, what are you saying?

[9:16] Maureen Van Zandt: I'm saying, knock this shit off and kill that fucking asshole bird, Barbara.

[9:24] Joanna Bonaro: And that's the ballgame.