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[0:01] Bobby: Hey, how's it going, everybody? Anyone do anything fun over the weekend?

[0:04] Kay: That's nice, because no one at As The Curtain Rises did.

[0:08] Bobby: Oh, I'm on, I'm on.

[0:10] Bobby: Today is Thursday.

[0:12] Bobby: Kay and I have until Saturday to write the first act of a musical that won't get us sued into the afterlife by the makers of Avatar.

[0:20] Bobby: Producers Cheryl and Steve are laser-focused on maintaining momentum for a show that doesn't yet exist.

[0:24] Bobby: Senior agent Maxwell Fernsby just wants his boss's gangrene to heal.

[0:31] Bobby: Let's check in on our fearless theater makers now, shall we?

[0:39] Kay: Two days left.

[0:41] Bobby: Hey, hey, hey, that's 14 cups of coffee by 11 a.m., Bobby.

[0:45] Kay: Oh, here we go.

[0:46] Kay: Do you really think that's wise?

[0:48] Bobby: Yeah, fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm working on the music for the flying sequence. I think it's helping.

[0:52] Kay: Okay, okay, I think I've got something.

[0:54] Bobby: So, given we can't use the names Avatar, Pandora, or Navi in our Avatar but not Avatar musical, because we'd get seriously crushed by horrific studio lawsuits, what if we called Pandora Andora?

[1:10] Kay: And any time the planet is named, we have to make sure that the last letter of the previous word ends in P, like, I love that cape.

[1:18] Bobby: Andora is a great place.

[1:22] Kay: It's genius, right?

[1:24] Bobby: Um, okay, uh, this is not the New York Fringe Festival. This is a major Broadway musical adaptation of Avatar.

[1:32] Kay: That cannot use Avatar, correct, but also shouldn't be idiotic.

[1:37] Bobby: I know, I know, I know, I know, this is too hard. I know, I know. We have, what, two days left to write a hit song and take a pass at Act One?

[1:44] Kay: Well, you know, Sondheim wrote...

[1:46] Bobby: Don't you dare tell me that Sondheim wrote...

[1:48] Bobby: Don't you dare tell me that Sondheim wrote...

[1:49] Bobby: I'm still here in a day, Bobby, or I will leave you.

[1:52] Kay: My head hurts.

[1:54] Bobby: Oh, God.

[1:56] Kay: Okay, what have you got, Mr. Coffee?

[1:58] Bobby: Just saying, just saying. Want to hear Love With Gas?

[2:02] Kay: Love With Gas?

[2:03] Bobby: Yeah.

[2:04] Kay: What song is that?

[2:05] Bobby: I did not write Love With Gas.

[2:06] Kay: Well, I took some liberties around Cup Nine. If you're in the moment, it will make complete sense.

[2:11] Bobby: Okay, I'm on the edge of my seat.

[2:13] Bobby: Sore and overgrown, forest of toxic glory you galore. Bioluminescence explodes from Pandora's core. Magnetic field sparkle with zooplanty dew. My blue head is spinning with thoughts of you.

[2:28] Kay: No, no, no, no, no, stop. No, no. What draft are you using?

[2:32] Bobby: I thought I gave you a new draft.

[2:34] Kay: Not Pandora. Fa-andora.

[2:37] Bobby: Oh, my God.

[2:39] Kay: You're right, this is too hard. I studied music theory, not physics.

[2:43] Bobby: It's actually more of an earth science situation, but I get your point. We got to get a grip.

[2:46] Kay: Okay, let's start from the beginning.

[2:49] Bobby: Yes, let's do that. Come on. It's a simple story.

[2:52] Kay: This is a simple blue love story.

[2:55] Bobby: Yes, simple, simple, yes, yes.

[2:56] Kay: Just a simple sci-fi futuristic blue love story that isn't based on the biggest motion picture of all time, but it secretly is.

[3:08] Bobby: And your point is?

[3:10] Kay: If our marriage survives this, we should get the Pulitzer.

[3:13] Bobby: Oh.

[3:14] Kay: Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Where's my phone?

[3:16] Bobby: The next Hamilton?

[3:18] Kay: That's the buzz.

[3:20] Bobby: Hashtag bigger than Hammy. Just heard they're bringing on a top gun science expert to vet every word.

[3:26] Kay: Hashtag no joke. Hashtag going for it.

[3:31] Bobby: What?

[3:32] Kay: Huh?

[3:33] Bobby: Huh?

[3:34] Kay: Whoever it is, they have to go away. Don't they know our entire careers are literally hanging by a thread?

[3:39] Bobby: I'll handle it. Not to worry.

[3:41] Andrew Barth Feldman: Hello, Mr. Kearns.

[3:43] Kay: Hi, Andrew.

[3:46] Andrew Barth Feldman: It's Andrew Barth Feldman.

[3:47] Kay: What?

[3:48] Andrew Barth Feldman: Yeah, you know Andrew. Evan in Dear Evan Hansen.

[3:51] Kay: Yes, yes, no, I know who Andrew Barth Feldman is. Hi, Andrew.

[3:54] Andrew Barth Feldman: Yeah. Love the show.

[3:56] Kay: Oh, thanks. I'm so sorry, but we're kind of busy right now.

[3:59] Andrew Barth Feldman: So good to see you, Andrew.

[4:01] Kay: Why are you here, Andrew?

[4:03] Andrew Barth Feldman: Zoe sent me.

[4:04] Kay: Zoe sent him, Kay.

[4:05] Bobby: What?

[4:06] Kay: Oh, ah, let me guess. You're a sci-fi movie geek and a walking avatar encyclopedia.

[4:11] Andrew Barth Feldman: Yep, that would be me.

[4:13] Kay: Oh, Kay, look. It's our top science expert as foretold by the crystal Twitter ball.

[4:19] Bobby: Okay, Andrew. Andrew, that's great. Do you want a cookie?

[4:23] Andrew Barth Feldman: Cookie?

[4:26] Kay: A cookie?

[4:27] Andrew Barth Feldman: Seriously?

[4:29] Kay: I actually love a cookie. Thank you.

[4:31] Bobby: See? You know, I can't sleep, so I made a couple dozen at around 3 a.m. Then I made some blue icing. Cute, right?

[4:37] Kay: Listen, Andrew, we're really happy you're here, but, you know, just because you love the movie doesn't mean you're necessarily an expert on physics.

[4:44] Andrew Barth Feldman: Oh, actually, Avatar's all about earth science.

[4:46] Kay: Yeah, and anyway, while I was starring in Dear Evan Hansen, I was getting my master's degree online from the Department of Earth and Planetary Sciences at Yale, where I wrote a thesis on interstellar biodiversity and climate dynamics.

[4:55] Bobby: Huh. Okay, let's get started then.

[4:59] Steve: Hey, it's Matt from Broadway Briefing.

[5:02] Steve: Hey, I don't know if this is true or not for sure yet, but we heard that you secured the Hellinger, and so just wanted to give you a call to check in on that.

[5:13] Steve: That would be very exciting. So if you can give me a call back to confirm, that would be great. Thanks.

[5:19] Bobby: Okay, okay, everyone. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but please calm down.

[5:25] Bobby: I will be opening the Mark Hellinger box office in just a few minutes, but in the meantime, you could really help us all out by staying in line and keeping your...

[5:34] Kay: I don't even know what that is. A pet?

[5:36] Bobby: In order. Okay, the Avatar box office is now officially open.

[5:45] Bobby: Welcome to the Hellinger box office. How may I help you?

[5:50] Frank: What?

[5:55] Bobby: Sure, Frank. How many tickets and for what date?

[6:00] Bobby: Yeah, that's way above my pay grade. Next.

[6:03] Bobby: Man, I wish someone was around to see this. I thought the Escape to Margaritaville crowd got crazy.

[6:09] Kay: Oh, look. There's Cheryl and Steve across the street, counting the chickens and second-guessing their career choices. Let's join them.

[6:17] Kay: Steve, this is nuts.

[6:21] Steve: What are these blue people thinking?

[6:24] Kay: Live chickens?

[6:25] Steve: They think they're citizens of Pandora. Evidently, bartering is big there.

[6:30] Kay: Oh, my God. The poor box office team. I think we need signage that says no rocks, poultry, or other animals.

[6:39] Steve: Cash only. Cards only. Pandora has its own form of currency, and I wouldn't put it past them to try to use it here.

[6:46] Kay: How did we end up producing this insanity?

[6:50] Steve: First of all, I can't stand you. And second, none of this matters if Kay and Bobby can't deliver by Saturday.

[6:59] Kay: Our reputations will be tarnished. We haven't even started rehearsals, and we're already a laughingstock because of livestock.

[7:08] Steve: What's your over-under on them actually writing something worth producing?

[7:13] Kay: Not a chance in hell.

[7:14] Steve: So where does that leave us?

[7:16] Kay: I have a few ideas about some possible script doctors who could come in. I know you're a supporter of Kay, Cheryl, but let's face it. She's the one who's really screwed here.

[7:23] Steve: I don't think she's nimble enough to create a whole almost-Avatar world. She's about as at home with sci-fi as she was with baseball. Remember that Angels in the Outfield thing they did?

[7:34] Kay: I actually thought Bobby's music was really rousing.

[7:40] Steve: Yeah, but nobody goes to a musical to not enjoy the book or the lyrics.

[7:44] Kay: So who did you have in mind?

[7:48] Steve: Evil chuckle.

[7:50] Lynn Nottage: Hello? Hello? Hi. This is Lynn Nottage. I got your number from a friend. I hope you don't mind that I'm reaching out directly.

[8:01] Lynn Nottage: There are a couple of things that you don't know about me. One of them is that I'm absolutely obsessed with telling this story. Trans-universe stories are so near and dear to my heart, and I don't think that there's anyone else who can bring the nuance and sensitivity to this musical that I can. So I hope that you'll call me. Please call. Call. Call.

[8:24] Andrew Barth Feldman: Oh, say that again, Andrew, but real slow. There are four exploding sea plants. Not two. Four.

[8:34] Kay: And the floating mountains float because of unobtainium.

[8:41] Bobby: Oh, how the hell are they going to do floating mountains? What's the scenic budget?

[8:46] Kay: Let's just figure out a script before we worry about the sets.

[8:49] Andrew Barth Feldman: Hey, gang, just your overexcited director-choreographer here checking in to ask, how's it going?

[8:54] Kay: Hey, Zoe, all good here, just chatting about unobtainium.

[9:01] Zoe: Any chance you're ready for a pre-workshop table read tomorrow?

[9:04] Kay: She wants to do a table read tomorrow.

[9:06] Bobby: Tomorrow? No way. We're not even ready to do an end table read.

[9:09] Kay: I know. Zoe, we're deep into a huge breakthrough moment. So much progress. And we're so excited to reveal everything to everyone at Vox.

[9:46] Emma Olivia: is a magnificent human being.

[9:52] Emma Olivia: Sorry. But you know who's not so magnificent? I'll give you a hint.

[9:56] Emma Olivia: It's Emma Olivia, and she's about to prove it on this Zoom call with her agent.

[10:03] Emma Olivia: Rick, can you hear me? Rick? No, I can't see you. Where? No, I told you I don't see the...

[10:11] Emma Olivia: Oh, this button here? Here. Hello, can you see me pointing? Now? Now? How about now? Oh, okay, yeah. Wait, this one. Oh, got it. Oh, there you are. Oh, Rick, you need a better background.

[10:29] Emma Olivia: This is making me sad. Oh my god, is that really your office? I don't remember it being so ensemble dressing room. Okay, anyway, I want to go over the deal terms. I can only enter from stage left because of my better side. I don't want to be in any group numbers. I need at least 20 minutes offstage in Act 2, and I need three personal dressers that I hire myself, and I trust you can handle the dressing room budget with Francois.

[10:55] Emma Olivia: Oh, oh, and make sure that we get him in the contract this time. Ugh. All right, I need a personal workout space. I don't want to do any reads with auditioning actors, but of course I have the veto power.

[11:06] Emma Olivia: And can the marketing department please arrange with Schmackery’s for a new Emma Olivia cookie? Finally, hello, sparkles, please.

[11:18] Emma Olivia: All right, and of course, the usual name above the title. Everyone else should be at least four font sizes smaller, and just make sure that they'll cover my trainer, my dance classes, and that we work with Anna Wintour for the Tony's gown.

[11:27] Emma Olivia: Oh, and finally, and this should go without saying, an everyday personal stylist who will handle my events wardrobe, makeup, accessories, oversee the mixing of the exact blue tone that works for my complexion, as well as the daily workout regime for Ben Platt. No, Rick, not the real Ben Platt, my dog. Did you get all that?

[11:49] Emma Olivia: Plus, we'll need to figure out the food situation, right? You know, during rehearsals and tech. Let's ask for the company chef who will prepare my pre-show and post-show farm frozen organic gluten-free keto macrobiotic high-protein chocolate shakes daily, and my Sunday binge out. I mean, they should obviously handle my post-show masseuse and the avatar blue limo to get me to and from the theater. It's so cute, right, Rick?

[12:09] Emma Olivia: Rick, did you get all that? Can you hear me? Oh, why do our Zoom calls always freeze? Rick!

[12:19] Natasha Katz: Hey, Cheryl, it's Natasha Katz calling. It's been too long. I know how busy you are these days, but I'd love to see you. I was wondering if you might have any time this week to grab a pre-show drink at Bar Centraal. Remember that beautiful blue that I used in our last show together that you loved? You know blue's my favorite color to light. Looking forward to seeing you. Sending love. Bye-bye.

[12:45] Matt: Hey, Andrew. Matt from The Briefing. I know we haven't seen each other maybe in like a year, but I just wanted to call because I heard you're now going into science consulting on Avatar, and I was wondering if this is a complete career shift for you, or what inspired that. Sounds exciting. So give me a call back, and we'll chat. Thanks. Bye.

[13:15] Receptionist: You've reached C-A-A-A. The extra A is because we care. How may I help you?

[13:21] Steve Jones: What do you think? I didn't call to talk to you. Get the kid on the phone. Now.

[13:29] Receptionist: Mr. Jones, can you at least be cordial to the receptionist?

[13:34] Steve Jones: No. No, I can't. So where are we, Maxwell? You're their agent of the moment, which says so much right there. Tell me you've coaxed a hit song out of those two.

[13:42] Maxwell Fernsby: Well, Mr. Jones, magic is happening. Magic.

[13:50] Steve Jones: You're a pathetic liar, Firsby. Listen carefully. They have exactly 48 magical hours. 48.

[14:02] K: How are we supposed to get anything done with all these interruptions?

[14:09] Bobby Kearns: K, K, K, K, honey. Stay calm. It's just a little song.

[14:14] K: One, don't you dare call me honey. Two, it's just a little hit song. And act one.

[14:20] Steve Jones: You people are insane. This is inhumane. And you know what? Now I hate the color blue. Is that the hit song?

[14:27] Bobby Kearns: Baby, give me the phone. Give me the phone. Maxwell, it's Bobby. Hi. We're in a very productive, intense meeting with our science expert at the moment. K's in the zone. You know what I mean? Can you call back later?

[14:34] Maxwell Fernsby: First single drops Monday. Hashtag don't faint. Hashtag Grammys. Here we come. Hashtag belt dress.

[14:43] K: No. God, I love those lyrics. It's a really catchy song. I think Bobby and K might have something there.

[14:54] K: But will they be done with love with gas in time? Will Emma Olivia get everything she wants? Or is her agent about to quit? How did Andrew Barth Feldman earn a master's from Yale while starring on Broadway? Because he's magnificent, you cretins. Magnificent. Never doubt ABF.

[15:14] K: Will Cheryl end up using that nail gun on Steve? Does Steve even like theater? And is Zoe's vision for this epic musical going to set an all-time record for budget? Tune in next week for some or none of the answers to these mildly burning questions. There's a cream for that, you know.

[15:33] K: On episode four of As the Curtain Rises. Thank you from the bottom of our cold hearts for listening to As the Curtain Rises. A gargantuan thanks to our brilliant cast.

[15:50] Alex Brightman: James Monroe Iglehart as producer Steve Jones. Lillias White as producer Cheryl Phillips.

[15:58] Alex Brightman: Ashley Park as book writer lyricist K Fields. Michael Urie as composer Bobby Kearns.

[16:06] Alex Brightman: Sarah Stiles as diva Emma Olivia. George Salazar as agent Maxwell Furnsby in the bathroom.

[16:14] Alex Brightman: Ariana DeBose as director choreographer Zoe Taylor. Andrew Barth Feldman as science consultant Andrew Barth Feldman.

[16:23] Alex Brightman: Lesli Margherita as the Broadway disher. Ilana Levine as the CAAA receptionist.

[16:32] Alex Brightman: Jacob Smith as the Navi ticket buyer. Mark Peikert as the box office manager.

[16:40] Alex Brightman: And me, the incredible two-time Tony Award loser, Alex Brightman as the narrator.

[16:54] Alex Brightman: Also, huge, gigantic, stupendous thanks to our phone message leavers, Matt Britton, Natasha Katz, and Lynn Nottage.

[17:07] Alex Brightman: Written by Dory Berenstein and Mark Peikert. Directed by Dory Berenstein. Music, sound editing, and design by Bart Fassbender.

[17:14] Alex Brightman: Avatar music by Matthew Sklar. Sound engineering by Alan Seales. Banshee wrangling by the wonderful Bill Perloni.

[17:22] Alex Brightman: Produced by Dory Berenstein, Alan Seales, and the Broadway Podcast Network. Executive produced by Liz Armstrong.

[17:31] Alex Brightman: And absolutely everything else by our extraordinary BPN team. Brittany Bigelow, Ioanna Nikolova, Katie Rosen, Cindy Schatz, and Beatriz Westby.

[17:46] Alex Brightman: As the Curtain Rises was created and recorded entirely in quarantine. This Broadway soap opera celebrates and supports the Actors Fund and the BPN Frontline Worker Initiative, which you can find at bpn.fm slash frontline workers. That's bpn.fm slash frontline workers.

[18:07] Alex Brightman: And finally, a very special thanks to our producing partner, Liz Armstrong, for your extraordinary support and inspiration. Buh-bye!