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[0:40] Kerry Butler: Hi, I am your host, Miss Kerry Butler. Together, you and I are breaking Broadway.

[0:53] Kerry Butler: Hi, everyone. Welcome back to Breaking Broadway. I am starting something exciting. I can't tell you exactly what it is, but it is based on Breaking Broadway. So I would love it if you would share your email at kerrybutlercoach@gmail.com. And then once we're ready, we will fill you in on all the exciting details. I am so excited for my guest today, one of my favorite people in the whole world. You know her. She starred in Wicked, in Hamilton, and the first time I feel like I saw her was in In the Heights, and I just fell in love with her. She is one of my all-time favorite voices that I've ever heard and was just so natural and real. She gave such a stunning performance in In the Heights, and I am so, so excited to call her my friend because she is such a good person. Stay tuned because I feel like this is gonna be a super inspiring episode of Breaking Broadway. Welcome, Mandy Gonzalez!

[1:58] Mandy Gonzalez: Yay! Hi, Kerry. Hi, everybody. Yay! Thank you so much for being here.

[2:04] Kerry Butler: Oh, I'm so excited for you. This is awesome.

[2:07] Mandy Gonzalez: Not for you to talk to me, but your whole podcast, and like I'm so excited for you.

[2:11] Kerry Butler: It is so exciting to talk to you because we haven't gotten together as much as we wanted.

[2:15] Mandy Gonzalez: I know, I know. It's so true.

[2:18] Kerry Butler: So tell everybody about your start. You grew up in California, right?

[2:23] Mandy Gonzalez: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I grew up in California, in Southern California. And when did you decide that you wanted to be an actor? What made you?

[2:32] Mandy Gonzalez: You know, I grew up, um, both of my parents worked all the time. They both had full-time jobs, uh, like you do. And I spent a lot of time with my grandma. She babysat us. I'm the youngest of three. And during that time, you know, there was always music playing in the house. My dad was a huge Elvis Presley fan. And so his day off was on Sundays. He worked at a glass plant called Thatcher Glass when they still made glass bottles and things like that, which are coming back. But that was a big reason that we moved to this certain part of California, which is Santa Clarita, which a lot of people know now as the Santa Clarita Diet, um, where they eat people, which they don't do that. But that's like where I grew up. And so Sundays was our day off, and my mom was just like, you know, I need a day off too, so you watch the kids on Sunday. So how he watched, how we watched this is we had a laser disc. Do you remember what those were?

[3:36] Kerry Butler: Yes, yes.

[3:37] Mandy Gonzalez: Um, before VHS and all these things. And he had Elvis movies like Elvis '68 Comeback and things like that. So my brother and I, my sister was older, so she did her own thing, but my brother and I would sit on the couch and watch Elvis '68 Comeback. And I loved Elvis. Like my brother loved all the karate stuff, but I loved like his voice and all that. So there was always music playing around my house. Like music was always a part of it. But my grandma watching us, my grandma was really into music and really into musical theater and old, you know, like Broadway show tunes and especially big torch singers, big belters. So Judy Garland was constantly playing, Eydie Gormé, just Ethel Merman was huge as a part of my grandma's, you know, her canon of music.

And I fell in love with music by listening to her, and the way that she would sing was so entertaining to me and exciting that I wanted to sing with her. And I was really the only grandkid that did that. And so she said, "Oh, well, what's this?" And I had a really big voice, and she was the first person that kind of saw that and said, "Oh, Mandy, you have talent." And that kind of was like, "Oh," you know, being the third kid, you're kind of like, you know, "Hey, don't forget, like I'm here," you know. I mean, my parents were awesome, but it was like you had to fight for attention a little bit. And so that became my way of feeling like, "Oh, I have this thing that other people don't have."

[5:14] Kerry Butler: How old were you when she discovered that?

[5:18] Mandy Gonzalez: I say I was about five years old. Wow, when that happened, like five or six. And then I started to have to sing, like she would make me sing at like all the family functions.

[5:29] Kerry Butler: Like just I don't do that with it very well.

[5:33] Mandy Gonzalez: And so I did that, and I don't come from a showbiz family. I'm from Los Angeles, but my grandma had no idea like what to do. And so there was a dinner theater down the street from her house called the Showboat Dinner Theater. And she used to take my brother and I, again, my sister was doing her own thing. And you know, the thing about a dinner theater is that you get to eat and then see a show. And they had all-you-can-eat pickles, and my brother and I love, love pickles. And so he didn't complain, and he would go. And my grandma would go for the pickles, stay for Mandy Gonzalez.

[6:11] Mandy Gonzalez: Absolutely. And so we saw Man of La Mancha this one time, and my grandma went up to the woman that played Aldonza. And I mean, my grandma was very gutsy and was just like, "I have a granddaughter that sings. Do you teach lessons and this and that?" And that became my first singing teacher. And I loved it. And I started that, I guess when I was about seven years old. But the love of theater and the love of singing started at a very young age, and it's because of my parents' love of music and mostly because of my grandma.

[6:42] Kerry Butler: So you didn't even like fall in love with Broadway. You fell in love with dinner theater in a way.

[6:47] Mandy Gonzalez: Yes, I definitely fell in love with dinner theater and then old Broadway cast albums, like Anything Goes, anything that Ethel Merman was in, we listened to. And then I really fell in love with Judy Garland. My grandma's one of her favorite albums was Judy Garland live at Carnegie Hall.

[7:06] Kerry Butler: I know that album by heart.

[7:08] Mandy Gonzalez: I know that album too. Yes, and it's the album that I listen to when there's turbulence on a plane, and I feel like, "Okay, if this is it, like I'm going down."

[7:15] Kerry Butler: Oh, I'm going down with Judy.

[7:18] Mandy Gonzalez: But yeah, so I fell in love with just the, I guess the storytelling of music and yeah, people just belting it to the back of the rafters.

[7:30] Kerry Butler: When did you first start performing?

[7:32] Mandy Gonzalez: Oh gosh, like professionally. I mean, or anything. What was your first performance?

[7:39] Mandy Gonzalez: I guess it was through that dinner theater. You know, my grandma got very into it, and then I got cast as Bielka in Fiddler on the Roof.

[7:50] Kerry Butler: I was Bianca in college.

[7:53] Mandy Gonzalez: And you don't know. That's like the sister with two lines.

[7:56] Kerry Butler: Yes, the sister with two lines.

[7:58] Mandy Gonzalez: I loved it. I loved it because I was the youngest. Everybody would just like carry me, and it was just like so awesome. But that was my first performance was at the dinner theater, and I remember my grandparents being in the front row of that dinner theater. And then again, my grandma looked in the paper, and there was a group that was having auditions, and it was a group called Rock Theater. And I auditioned for it, and I started to perform, and they did rock music and theater. And all of a sudden I was with other kids that really liked doing what I did and liked the kind of music that I did and introduced me to all this other new kind of theater, you know, that I didn't listen to, like more contemporary stuff.

[8:24] Kerry Butler: Right.

[8:24] Mandy Gonzalez: And I started to perform with them, and we performed all around Los Angeles, but it was really like every Saturday. Yes, you'd go and we would rehearse, and then it would have maybe once a week or something when I got really into it as well. But that was like my safe space, I guess.

[9:04] Kerry Butler: Were the other kids really talented too, or were you kind of the star?

[9:08] Mandy Gonzalez: No, the other kids were really talented. At least, you know, I thought they were all like super talented, and they were older than me. So I was just really into it. I remember at that time, like it was like all about Janet Jackson and, you know, Control and all those kind of things. And a lot of the kids were like in high school or in middle school. And so they were listening to all this music that I wasn't listening to at home. And so I wanted to kind of be part of that and, you know, learn all the dances and, you know, things like that.

[9:40] Kerry Butler: So, what was your first professional job then?

[9:44] Mandy Gonzalez: Uh, I would say my first professional job. Um gosh. When I, I guess when I was a kid, my first thing was I did Star Search.

[9:55] Kerry Butler: Oh my gosh.

[9:57] Mandy Gonzalez: Yeah.

[9:58] Kerry Butler: I used to watch Star Search all the time.

[10:00] Mandy Gonzalez: Yes.

[10:01] Kerry Butler: So for the young people listening, Star Search was kind of like, um, what's that show that's on now? Not America's Got Talent.

[10:06] Mandy Gonzalez: Uh, um, America.

[10:09] Kerry Butler: Like one of those voice.

[10:10] Mandy Gonzalez: Yeah, like Kelly Clarkson, where she went.

[10:13] Kerry Butler: Yeah, American Idol.

[10:14] Mandy Gonzalez: It was like American Idol.

[10:15] Kerry Butler: Totally.

[10:16] Mandy Gonzalez: But I was like, oh my gosh, like if American Idol had been out when, you know, I was growing up, it's just it's so much bigger than Star Search was. Yes. You know, even though Star Search was so huge, it's like, oh my gosh. Like I can't even imagine. But I would have been one of those kids in line.

[10:29] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[10:30] Mandy Gonzalez: With my grandma, like trying to get on the show. And probably singing some show tune or something when I went in to audition. But um, yeah, I don't know how my grandma got me that audition, but she did again. We had no idea what we were doing. I didn't have an agent, I didn't have any of that stuff. But I remember having just a very strong sense of self and wanting to, you know, make it in whatever way. And I remember Star Search, I mean, it was such a big deal. And I rehearsed the songs with the director from Rock Theater. I remember we picked the songs together, and my the song that I sang was Birth of the Blues by Sammy Davis Jr., of course, because I was a huge fan. And then I remember my parents were in the audience, my brother, my poor brother had to go to everything that I possibly did, and I lost, you know.

I remember being on the stage and, you know, singing my heart out and feeling like, you know, I killed it. And then, you know, because I was in the kids, uh, that not department, but that part of it, yeah, yeah, and I was like 11 and I was super tall and, you know, I didn't look like a kid, you know, and then I was against a kid that, you know, looked like a kid and he was great. But anyway, the thing was is that I lost, and I remember when they put the numbers up. Yeah, you know, I remember looking at my mom because you couldn't see them. They were like behind you. Oh, and I remember my mom's face being like, ah, you know, like so upset.

[12:15] Kerry Butler: She felt so bad.

[12:16] Mandy Gonzalez: But I remember like walking out of there when I did lose and being like, oh my god, I just lost. I can't believe this. And it was kind of like you're in a daze. And then I just automatically started crying, and it was like super dramatic. And I was really good friends with the kids that were gonna be doing the dance part. And they were really upset. And their teacher came up to me and said, you know, they're really upset and they have to go on next. Do you think you could go and give them like a pep talk that you're okay and like all that kind of stuff? And I was like, oh yeah, sure, like they'll be fine. And then I went into the room and I was like, you guys are gonna do great. I tell you it.

It was just like so, it was so awful. But then I remember, you know, I had told everybody at school that I was gonna be on Star Search and it was gonna be this big thing. And I remember not wanting to go to school the next day because I was so embarrassed. And my mom was like, you know, this is part of it, and you have to go to school, and you have to like put your head up and you tell them like, you know, yeah, but I was on it, you know.

[13:21] Kerry Butler: Yes, that's right.

[13:22] Mandy Gonzalez: And that was like a first for me of like working through the fear of something and kind of the rejection and having to, you know, hold my head up high and be like, yeah, I lost. And you know, it's definitely something that taught me a lot about myself. But that was my first professional thing where I got paid.

[13:46] Kerry Butler: That's so great. That's such a good story. I always feel like I had a lot of rejection when I was younger too, and I feel like that set me up for our career now because it's so much about, it's not even as much about talent, but how you can deal with rejection.

[14:03] Mandy Gonzalez: Totally, and just be um, I don't know, gracious with the within that, and also it teaches you how to fight a little bit harder.

[14:14] Kerry Butler: Yes.

[14:14] Mandy Gonzalez: And I think, you know, we nobody wants to see their kid have rejection or go through that. But if you have parents like I did, I feel like I was very lucky because they didn't know about anything. They just knew like how they grew up. And it was like, all right, Mandy, like dust it off.

[14:32] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[14:32] Mandy Gonzalez: You know, and keep going. And I think because I was the only one in my family that was into performing at that time, you know, and my brother was into sports and my sister was into like, you know, Duranda Ran and going to concerts, you know, because she was like a teenager and she was into writing and all those kind of things. It wasn't like I was, you know, I was special, but I wasn't like, oh man, it's all about Mandy. It's like, no, Mandy, like, I gotta go to my, I gotta go to work and you and Tony need to go to school.

[15:06] Kerry Butler: And you didn't have stage parents.

[15:08] Mandy Gonzalez: No. Oh my god, no.

[15:09] Kerry Butler: Right.

[15:10] Mandy Gonzalez: Thank goodness, you know. I watch um, what's that?

[15:13] Kerry Butler: Dance Moms?

[15:13] Mandy Gonzalez: Yes, yes, yes. We're very into that. And I'm just like, oh my God. You know, I love it. But I remember my mom going to things with me, and not rock theater, but like other, you know, studios that I had done stuff at, and she was like, I can't wait in the waiting room. Like it's just too much.

[15:31] Kerry Butler: Yeah, you know, because these parents all talk about their kids and all this kind of stuff.

[15:36] Mandy Gonzalez: She send my grandma. And my grandma didn't care. She could hardly hear them. You know, talking talking about stuff. And my grandma would just be like, doesn't bother me. Like, I'll go and sit and you know. But um, yeah, my p my parents were not into that at all.

[15:52] Kerry Butler: Yeah, my parents weren't either. Um I lucked out.

[15:55] Mandy Gonzalez: Yeah. How do you deal with rejection now? Because we still get rejected every single day, right? You think like with our careers, people I feel like people think like, oh, people just offer them jobs all the time.

[16:09] Kerry Butler: Oh yeah.

[16:10] Mandy Gonzalez: No, it was like um, it's a reality check, I think. When I I remember one reality check was I was going to an audition in uh New York, you know, when before uh pandemic, when you still would go and audition in rooms. And uh, and I remember seeing my, you know, one of my best friends, Priscilla Lopez, uh, walking out, and I was like, Oh, Priscilla, you're here auditioning. She's like, Oh yeah, I'm here auditioning. Like the woman has um, you know, a Tony Award. She's been nominated like multiple times. Yeah, she has done TV film, and yet she still has to go into the room. And it was just kind of like it never ends, you know? Never ends. And it's never easy.

[16:53] Kerry Butler: No.

[16:53] Mandy Gonzalez: Rejection is always hard, especially I don't know about you, but when something comes up always that you're not expecting, and it's like, oh my gosh, they want you, and you're the one, and this and that, and it's yours. I remember somebody saying, like, it's yours to lose.

[17:09] Kerry Butler: Yes.

[17:10] Mandy Gonzalez: And and then I go into the room and I'm like, oh my god, this is it. And then there's somebody else there all of a sudden. And you're like, wait a minute, like I thought this was mine. Like, what happened? And then you go home and you get that call of I didn't get it, and you just are like, oh my God, like, well, that really sucks. And you're really depressed. And then um, the next day you get another audition and you're like, well, maybe this is the one. Well, F them, like, I'm gonna get this job instead. You know, it's uh one of my friends, my friend Andrea, I can say that she said it because uh she said it on a documentary, my friend Andrea Burns, but it's like a disease. Like you should just kind of keep going for this this dream of whatever it is, you know. It's like the rejection, it's it's all part of it, and uh it's part of this up and down that for some reason we are a part of and we love.

[17:58] Kerry Butler: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[18:00] Mandy Gonzalez: It's true. It keeps it exciting, it does keep it exciting.

[18:04] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[18:05] Mandy Gonzalez: Do you have any tricks for how you deal with rejection?

[18:08] Kerry Butler: Um it's a little bit easier as you get older and have kids, I feel like, right?

[18:12] Mandy Gonzalez: Yeah.

[18:12] Kerry Butler: Uh yeah, because um, but it's now it's about like how am I gonna pay for college?

[18:17] Mandy Gonzalez: Yeah, exactly. But I remember when my daughter was younger, and I was up for Cats.

[18:25] Kerry Butler: Uh-huh.

[18:26] Mandy Gonzalez: You know, I was up for the revival of Cats or whatever. And I remember going into that um to those auditions, and I talked to her about it. My husband and I were like, Yeah, mom's gonna go in for Cats, and this is what it is. And she was just like, Oh, what's Cats? This is so exciting. Even though, you know, that was like one of my first shows that I ever saw, like at the Pantagus theater. My grandma took me and I remember they came out with like these flashlights with cat eyes, and I thought it was like the most amazing thing. And I remember um talking to her about this Cats, and I didn't get the job. And um, I remember Cats the movie had come out around that same time, and so we went and saw it, and she loved it.

Like people didn't like that, you know, movie as much, but yeah, she loved it. And um, I remember when I got Hamilton, I said, Oh, I got Hamilton, you know. Um, she goes, Did you get the cat? Is this the Cats? The Cats, she called it. It was just like that ping of rejection, like still was there. And I was like, No, I I I didn't get the Cats. No, I didn't get Cats. Don't bring up Cats again. But it was just like, you know, it's it makes you laugh because you're just like, it's not the end all.

[19:39] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[19:39] Mandy Gonzalez: You know, and I think going through everything that I've been through in my life, it still hurts to get rejected for jobs, but it I remind myself, like, okay, Mandy, this is like there's something else around the corner. And the longer you're in this business, the more you realize that um that that's just what it is. And it sucks. And it always it's always gonna suck, but it sucks a little bit uh shorter amount of time. It takes a little bit of uh less time away from your life.

[20:07] Kerry Butler: Yeah, let's talk about what you just went through. This series right now is on um getting through eight shows a week. And you got through eight shows a week as with cancer.

[20:18] Mandy Gonzalez: Yes, it's crazy. And I just I I can't believe that you did that. You were doing the show while going to your treatments during the pandemic, too.

[20:29] Kerry Butler: Yes, it was insane, Carrie. I mean, um, a big part of uh my being able to go through it was uh the stage that I was diagnosed at, the chemo treatments that they were able to put me on at that time. Um, you know, I was diagnosed with breast cancer uh after my first mammogram. And I was in complete shock because uh nobody in my family had ever been diagnosed. I was the first in my family, hopefully the last.

[21:00] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[21:01] Mandy Gonzalez: And um, you know, I at that time I was playing Angelica in Hamilton, and I remember, you know, like you do when you're in a show, you don't have time to go to the doctor. Yes, you know, self-care and your mom, like, you don't have time to take care of yourself. Like, what is what is that? But I'm grateful that I went. And I remember um getting that phone call, I was uh in between shows. And I remember getting that phone call and then having to go and do a show that night and being like okay, but I think that there was something about the show must go on mentality that I have that honestly we both have that.

[21:43] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[21:43] Mandy Gonzalez: Yeah, it honestly um it saved me because I made the decision that early on and I'm lucky I could have made I could make that decision that cancer was going to be one part of my life but it wasn't going to take all of my life. And I think that if it had took um my ability to perform away from me that I would have been uh doubly like devastated. And because it gave me a focus.

[22:09] Kerry Butler: Yes.

[22:09] Mandy Gonzalez: And it gave me a community um to to be around that supported me. And I was very private about when I was diagnosed I wanted to kind of keep it to myself but then as I went on and I learned more about uh you know what was what was happening and I learned more about cancer and uh how Latinas have been treated uh through treatment and how a lot of times uh we get diagnosed at a later stage because uh uh historically we have a distrust of doctors uh there's a language barrier uh my aunt uh who did pass from cancer, uh not breast cancer, but she passed away from lung cancer. I I got to learn a little bit more about her diagnosis. Uh she passed when she was 47 and she had pain and she did not go to the doctor. And I think um I wanted to represent and uh be a voice for my community. And I knew in order to do that, I had to be honest about my diagnosis. And that was hard, you know.

[23:15] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[23:15] Mandy Gonzalez: But once I was, I felt this weight kind of lifted off of me. And uh I did get so much support from my the company at Hamilton, but also from my friends in the Broadway community. You were one of the friends that reached out to me, and we actually became really a lot closer. Um I felt like through that, uh, you'd be surprised at how many people um can also reject you when you come out with that kind of diagnosis, um, because for some reason they you get the impression, at least I did, that you feel like it's contagious. Or something like, oh, well, she must have brought it upon herself, or you know, or something like that. So when you have those friends that do reach out to you that that do tell you I'm here and uh it like, sorry.

[24:04] Kerry Butler: No, but it really um it makes a difference in your life.

[24:09] Mandy Gonzalez: And I remember you dropping off snacks to me at the theater and um just those little like gestures, like you gave me a couple books that really like spoke to me during that time. And honestly, um uh I love you so much.

[24:25] Kerry Butler: And I love you.

[24:26] Mandy Gonzalez: I think that um that was like amazing, amazing. And uh you're an amazing friend. And I just uh on that, I think uh I needed that. You know, as strong as I am, and as much as I talk about, you know, having no fear, that was such a painful time for me.

[24:49] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[24:49] Mandy Gonzalez: And then when the pandemic happened and Broadway shut down, and I still had to go to treatment, yeah, you know, in the city, and I was really scared and all those things. I still had people from the Broadway community reaching out to me and checking in on me. And uh yeah, it saved me. It really did.

[25:07] Kerry Butler: It really did.

[25:09] Mandy Gonzalez: So I think going through that when I was able to perform, um, I had started treatment because of uh uh my certain onk type test for those that don't know it's uh an onk type test is something that they can give to you now because of research, um, where they can test the tumor to see the um to see how much uh percentage of a chance it has of recurring, and that determines whether you're gonna need additional treatment besides surgery. And mine was at a a range and my age that I needed uh chemotherapy and radiation. And uh, and I was like, all right, and I found an oncologist, and he was like, Okay, Mandy, you're this is gonna be hard, but you're tougher than this. And I'm gonna make sure you can perform.

And I remember um, you know, having issues and times when I had to sit down uh after I sang a song or things like that, but they had a chair waiting for me. And you know, I remember after my surgery, I had a lumpectomy, and afterwards um I couldn't lift my arm for the work pose. And I felt very like exposed.

[26:24] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[26:25] Mandy Gonzalez: Because I was like, oh my gosh, like that's such a famous pose. People are gonna know. You know. And uh I remember talking to my stage manager, and she's like, Well, you lift it as high as you can, and then eventually you'll be able to lift it again. And I did. But um, that was a very much like me having to tell myself it's okay.

[26:44] Kerry Butler: Yes, it's okay.

[26:45] Mandy Gonzalez: Um, and I think that's something that we have a hard time doing as performers, eight shows a week.

[26:51] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[26:51] Mandy Gonzalez: Um, a lot of, you know, a lot of younger performers will ask me, well, what do you do if you get sick? What do you do if this happens and this happens? And there has to be a grace that you give yourself as a person that it's not gonna be the same eight shows a week. And you never know what somebody's going through. And um, you just have to do your best, you know, for that that show, you know, and uh, and I feel like that's something that I learned going through cancer, you know. But it's something that I learned even before that, yeah. With my, you know, because when you sing shows like we sing, yeah, there's a lot that is expected of us. You know, we're expected to hit those notes eight shows a week, and um it's like you build this like fearlessness of like, yes, I can do this. And but there are those moments where you're like, man, I don't feel good today. And yeah, my voice is tired, and or you even have phlegm and you can't just get through it.

[27:53] Mandy Gonzalez: No, and it's like, oh, all of a sudden, it's like, well, um, you know, what's wrong with me? Why can't I do these things?

[28:00] Mandy Gonzalez: And then you just go, oh, oh right, I'm a human.

[28:04] Kerry Butler: Yes.

[28:05] Mandy Gonzalez: Yeah. And I think, uh, yeah, I think there definitely has to be room for that, um, for a performer to know that it's work.

[28:14] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[28:14] Mandy Gonzalez: What we do is work. And some days it's really great and you feel like, uh, I always feel like, um, that movie The Black Swan.

[28:23] Kerry Butler: Uh-huh.

[28:23] Mandy Gonzalez: It always like resonated for me because it's like that end where she, I don't know if everybody felt this way about Black Swan, but at the end when she dies, it's like she has the performance of her life.

[28:35] Kerry Butler: Right.

[28:35] Mandy Gonzalez: And I felt like as a performer, I know what that feels like. You know what it feels like to just feel like you gave everything and it was exposed and open and oh my gosh, like it's gonna be the same tomorrow.

[28:49] Kerry Butler: Right.

[28:49] Mandy Gonzalez: And it's not, you know, it's like okay now we're in the groove of the show and as much as you want it to always be like that first time, you gotta find what it is every time. You know, and it doesn't always have to be that same thing. And that's okay, you know.

[29:07] Kerry Butler: Yeah, even the audience affects what happens on stage.

[29:10] Mandy Gonzalez: They're a part of it.

[29:12] Kerry Butler: Absolutely.

[29:12] Mandy Gonzalez: When you're like, oh my gosh, they hate us, like yeah, they're not laughing at the same time. You don't want to take it personally, but it still affects the whole show.

[29:20] Kerry Butler: Right.

[29:21] Mandy Gonzalez: And then they stand up at the end and they're like, this is the best thing I ever saw in my life and you're like, oh my God, they're amazing. Thank you.

[29:26] Kerry Butler: They were just quiet.

[29:26] Mandy Gonzalez: Exactly. How did you get through that time? Did you, I mean, you didn't even have time to really do self-care things, right?

[29:35] Kerry Butler: And do the show.

[29:36] Mandy Gonzalez: I didn't. I think, but that was good for me, you know, um, because you know after you have treatment, um, it's like for me, it was two weeks in between treatment.

[29:48] Kerry Butler: Right.

[29:48] Mandy Gonzalez: So when you first have your treatment, the first three days were still good because of, you know, what you have to do afterwards and the, you know, the medications that you have to take.

[30:01] Kerry Butler: Right.

[30:01] Mandy Gonzalez: And then the fourth and fifth day were really hard.

[30:04] Kerry Butler: Right.

[30:04] Mandy Gonzalez: And those days I would call out because my body just could not take it. And, um, but in the beginning, I just fought through it.

[30:13] Kerry Butler: Right.

[30:13] Mandy Gonzalez: And I would be like, okay, I'm feeling these cramps, or I'm feeling, you know, because for me it affected me a lot in my back.

[30:20] Kerry Butler: Right.

[30:20] Mandy Gonzalez: Um, I had a lot of cramps in my back that happened because of treatment. And, um, and it was really hard to just, you know, be in heels and on a turntable and all those kind of things.

[30:32] Kerry Butler: Right.

[30:32] Mandy Gonzalez: But I think, you know, a lot of it, even when my back hurt, I would just go, okay, Mandy, you have to breathe from your core and your diaphragm.

[30:41] Kerry Butler: Right.

[30:41] Mandy Gonzalez: And I would just focus. I would just, some of the performances, I was like, oh my God, like I'm so in it. You know, I would just, yeah, I would just get into that place that I needed to go.

[30:52] Kerry Butler: Right.

[30:52] Mandy Gonzalez: And, but I think that it was that the show must go on and I have to, I have to keep going. And it wasn't until the pandemic happened and I stopped that I realized how much I needed to stop.

[31:05] Kerry Butler: Oh, really?

[31:06] Mandy Gonzalez: Oh, yeah. Like I realized, um, I needed to take time to heal.

[31:13] Kerry Butler: Right.

[31:13] Mandy Gonzalez: I needed, and I watched, um, the thing that I watched was I watched every episode of Cheers, which they have 12 seasons, if for those of you that don't know.

[31:23] Kerry Butler: Right.

[31:23] Mandy Gonzalez: And, uh, that became my thing, you know. I had treatment, then I would watch Cheers.

[31:29] Kerry Butler: Right.

[31:29] Mandy Gonzalez: And I just needed to be. I needed to, you know, and at that time my daughter was doing homeschool because school was closed.

[31:37] Kerry Butler: Right.

[31:37] Mandy Gonzalez: And I needed to be there for her and for my husband because it, you know, cancer, what I've learned is it's a not, um, my friend James Monroe Eigelhart says it's the best. It's not a me disease, it's a we disease because it affects everybody that loves you.

[31:54] Kerry Butler: Right.

[31:54] Mandy Gonzalez: And, um, and it was really hard for them. And I think me being there for them was more important than me being, uh, on a stage at that time.

[32:05] Kerry Butler: Right.

[32:05] Mandy Gonzalez: And I learned a lot. I learned a lot about myself during that time. And, and then, you know, I got to, I got to heal and I got to heal with my family.

[32:16] Kerry Butler: Right.

[32:16] Mandy Gonzalez: And then like you, I think, you know, what do you do as a performer when you can't perform when you're a live performer and this is what you do?

[32:24] Kerry Butler: Right.

[32:24] Mandy Gonzalez: And, and so I started to get, um, people started to reach out for me, uh, to me from the cancer community, uh, BCRF.

[32:34] Kerry Butler: Right.

[32:34] Mandy Gonzalez: I became a member of their board, uh, which is breast cancer research foundation.

[32:39] Kerry Butler: Right.

[32:39] Mandy Gonzalez: Uh, research is the reason. And, uh, it is, and I, it was wonderful because they threw a gala for me during that time to honor me.

[32:48] Kerry Butler: Right.

[32:48] Mandy Gonzalez: And, uh, and I called all my friends, you were there and asked them to sing, and that became part of my next, my next journey, which was advocacy.

[32:59] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[32:59] Mandy Gonzalez: And, um, I started to use my voice for that. And I felt like the thing that I missed the most about performing was the connection.

[33:08] Kerry Butler: Right.

[33:08] Mandy Gonzalez: And how can I do that behind, you know, a screen? And so I figured out how to do that and how to reach out to people online and other, because I was very open about my diagnosis, other patients were reaching out to me with their own stories.

[33:23] Kerry Butler: Right.

[33:23] Mandy Gonzalez: And, um, and so I felt like I built a new community for myself, which was really good.

[33:29] Kerry Butler: That's awesome.

[33:30] Mandy Gonzalez: And in all of this time, when did you have time to write your books?

[33:35] Kerry Butler: Nandy is also an amazing writer, and she has this whole series called Fearless.

[33:40] Mandy Gonzalez: Yes, the third book is coming out.

[33:43] Kerry Butler: Yes, I just got the advanced copy.

[33:45] Mandy Gonzalez: Oh, sending it your way. But yes, I, um, I started writing, I've been writing forever, and I started to write, uh, children's stories.

[33:57] Kerry Butler: Right.

[33:57] Mandy Gonzalez: That's really where my mind always went to. Um, I started to do a lot more of that when my daughter was born.

[34:03] Kerry Butler: Right.

[34:03] Mandy Gonzalez: You know, um, I'm sure we'll talk a lot more about this, but after you have a child, um, and then you decide that you are ready to go back to work in our business, a lot of times you're met with, um, a new, you're put into a new category.

[34:15] Kerry Butler: Right.

[34:15] Mandy Gonzalez: You're put into a new thing of like, well, now you're a mom. And I remember going to auditions, and, uh, people would ask me, uh, casting directors, directors inappropriately, like, well, how old is your daughter now?

[34:34] Kerry Butler: Right.

[34:34] Mandy Gonzalez: And I would tell them, oh, she's, you know, six months, eight months, and I would get this look of, oh wow. Like, like, oh, that's gonna be hard for us, you know.

[34:44] Kerry Butler: Right.

[34:44] Mandy Gonzalez: And I just felt like it was this whole other thing, um, a whole other part of rejection for me.

[34:52] Kerry Butler: Uh-huh.

[34:52] Mandy Gonzalez: And so I remember spending a lot of time with her and just all these stories would come to me.

[35:00] Kerry Butler: Right.

[35:00] Mandy Gonzalez: And so I started to write about them, and I started to write about characters that I would want to see. Characters, um, the library was my favorite place when I was a kid, and it was the place that my mom would take us and say, you can get anything you want, you know, and drop us off with our card.

[35:20] Kerry Butler: Right.

[35:21] Mandy Gonzalez: You know, we have the library card.

[35:22] Kerry Butler: Yeah.

[35:22] Mandy Gonzalez: And we had to sign the book. And it was my haven, you know, and I would constantly look for books and for characters that looked like me.

[35:32] Kerry Butler: Right.

[35:32] Mandy Gonzalez: And I didn't have, um, a lot that I could find. And so when I started to write my book, I started to write about people in my life.

[35:41] Kerry Butler: Right.

[35:41] Mandy Gonzalez: And, uh, and a lot of those people were friends that I had worked with on Broadway.

[35:46] Kerry Butler: Right.

[35:46] Mandy Gonzalez: And their stories, the thing I love about people that you meet in the theater, people that you meet on Broadway, you, everybody comes from somewhere else.

[35:54] Kerry Butler: Right.

[35:54] Mandy Gonzalez: Yeah, you know, and or they grew up in New York, and that's their story. And, but their story is so different than mine, and I always find it so incredibly fascinating.

[36:04] Kerry Butler: Right.

[36:04] Mandy Gonzalez: And so I started to write stories about it.

[36:07] Kerry Butler: Right.

[36:07] Mandy Gonzalez: And one of the stories, uh, that I started to write was, um, stories about Relly, um, who is inspired, um, by my best friend, Darrell Grand Moultrie.

[36:18] Kerry Butler: Right.

[36:18] Mandy Gonzalez: Uh, and we shared a dressing room together, um, during Aida.

[36:22] Kerry Butler: Right.

[36:22] Mandy Gonzalez: Um, my first Broadway show, I was, uh, an understudy for Adina Menzel, and he was a swing, and you know, they put us all in like the same room, it doesn't matter.

[36:32] Kerry Butler: Right.

[36:32] Mandy Gonzalez: And we shared a mirror, and I remember whenever somebody said something shady, like we would just look at each other and we just bonded.

[36:40] Kerry Butler: Right.

[36:40] Mandy Gonzalez: And I, he grew up in Harlem, like a totally different life than I grew up in.

[36:45] Kerry Butler: Right.

[36:45] Mandy Gonzalez: And I felt like I want to write stories about, you know, um, what I think that life is, was like, or what I think, um, what a children's book would be like for me.

[36:57] Kerry Butler: Right.

[36:57] Mandy Gonzalez: So one of the first stories I wrote was this story called Rally Shoes, which was never published.

[37:03] Kerry Butler: Right.

[37:03] Mandy Gonzalez: Oh, but I absolutely went to every editor. I sent it to everybody, and I remember getting rejected a lot, um, I think by everybody.

[37:13] Kerry Butler: Right.

[37:13] Mandy Gonzalez: And, uh, but I got a lot of incredible notes, uh, from those, uh, publishing houses that I took to heart.

[37:21] Kerry Butler: Right.

[37:21] Mandy Gonzalez: And a lot of the things that people kept saying was keep writing.

[37:24] Kerry Butler: Right.

[37:24] Mandy Gonzalez: Oh, and write every day.

[37:26] Kerry Butler: Right.

[37:26] Mandy Gonzalez: And so I did, and finally, um, somebody said yes.

[37:31] Kerry Butler: Right.

[37:31] Mandy Gonzalez: And that happened when I first started, uh, at Hamilton in 2017.

[37:36] Kerry Butler: Right.

[37:36] Mandy Gonzalez: I, um, I went to a book reading at, uh, one of my favorite bookstores in Manhattan and, um, a children's bookstore, and I met, uh, I started to talk to this woman at the reading, and she happened to be a literary agent.

[37:51] Kerry Butler: Right.

[37:51] Mandy Gonzalez: And I said, well, I have these stories, you know, that I've been writing.

[37:55] Kerry Butler: Right.

[37:55] Mandy Gonzalez: And she said, why don't you send them to me?

[37:56] Kerry Butler: Right.

[37:56] Mandy Gonzalez: And I did, and she said yes.

[37:58] Kerry Butler: Right.

[37:58] Mandy Gonzalez: And then, um, yeah, and then that journey, the fearless journey kind of began with, um, this character of Monica Garcia, a girl from a small town in California who grew up with a love of singing and dreams of Broadway, and she travels with her Abuelita to New York, and they have their Broadway adventure, and she starts as the understudy to the understudy, which I didn't know was a job when we first started, but that definitely is a position.

[38:26] Kerry Butler: Right.

[38:26] Mandy Gonzalez: And, um, and it's about her adventures and her meeting her fearless squad, which includes Relly Morton and Hudson Patel and April da Silva.

[38:36] Kerry Butler: Right.

[38:36] Mandy Gonzalez: And every book I wanted to write about that Fearless squad. So my first book follows Monica Garcia, my second book follows Relly Morton into Harlem and his journey into the past and learning about his, uh, grandfather, Grandpa Gregory, who is one of my biggest inspirations.

[38:55] Kerry Butler: Right.

[38:55] Mandy Gonzalez: Gregory Hines.

[38:57] Kerry Butler: Right.

[38:57] Mandy Gonzalez: He was one of my teachers when I was, uh, 15 years old.

[39:01] Kerry Butler: Oh my gosh.

[39:02] Mandy Gonzalez: And so it's all these people from my life that, um, you never know, Carrie, you might end up in folks.

[39:08] Kerry Butler: Right.

[39:08] Mandy Gonzalez: But, um, it's all these people from my life, and I just get to create this whole world that I just find so interesting.

[39:16] Kerry Butler: Right.

[39:16] Mandy Gonzalez: You know, Relly's story, he goes through a pothole in between 44th and 45th Street, and he, um, when he comes out of the pothole and onto the other side, he's in the 1950s.

[39:29] Kerry Butler: Right.

[39:29] Mandy Gonzalez: And so I love that. And then this new book that's coming out, Hudson Patel, he grew up in, uh, New York City, and he has a love of baking and cooking as well as performing, and he feels kind of guilty about having two different interests, and, and so many people that I have met that work in the theater have so many different interests, and I want young people to know that it's okay to like other things and to feel just as passionate about those things.

[39:58] Kerry Butler: Right.

[39:58] Mandy Gonzalez: You don't have to choose just one thing.

[40:01] Kerry Butler: Right.

[40:01] Mandy Gonzalez: No, and I think, um, that story kind of developed out of that need to express that feeling.

[40:09] Kerry Butler: I love that.

[40:10] Mandy Gonzalez: I love that.

[40:10] Kerry Butler: And you have the whole fearless squad on your Instagram, right?

[40:14] Mandy Gonzalez: I do.

[40:15] Kerry Butler: You started the whole fearless squad.

[40:16] Mandy Gonzalez: So I could talk to Mandy Gonzalez literally all day.

[40:20] Kerry Butler: Um, but, uh, I should end our interview now and let you go on with all of the things that you have to do today.

[40:27] Mandy Gonzalez: Um, but let everyone know where they can find you on Instagram.

[40:32] Mandy Gonzalez: Yes, at, uh, Mandy.gonzales on Instagram, or you can find me at MandyGonzales.com.

[40:39] Kerry Butler: Right.

[40:39] Mandy Gonzalez: And, um, yeah, books are called Fearless.

[40:43] Kerry Butler: Right.

[40:43] Mandy Gonzalez: Fearless by Simon and Schuster.

[40:45] Kerry Butler: Right.

[40:45] Mandy Gonzalez: Do you have anything else to plug?

[40:47] Mandy Gonzalez: Um, I think my books right now is like the biggest thing.

[40:50] Mandy Gonzalez: And you know, I'm coming to a town near you.

[40:53] Mandy Gonzalez: I'm doing a lot of concerts right now.

[40:55] Kerry Butler: Yes.

[40:55] Mandy Gonzalez: Uh, I created a new concert series with, um, my dear friend Javier Munoz.

[41:00] Mandy Gonzalez: And we're doing a new series called Hitting New Heights.

[41:04] Mandy Gonzalez: And we have traveled so far. We went, we started, uh, I guess last month in Los Angeles.

[41:10] Kerry Butler: Right.

[41:10] Mandy Gonzalez: I got to see my whole family.

[41:12] Kerry Butler: Right.

[41:12] Mandy Gonzalez: And, uh, we're coming up, we're gonna make a couple stops in Kentucky and in Indiana.

[41:17] Kerry Butler: Right.

[41:17] Mandy Gonzalez: So I'm really excited for that.

[41:19] Kerry Butler: Awesome.

[41:20] Mandy Gonzalez: Thank you so much for being here, Mandy.

[41:22] Mandy Gonzalez: Thank you, Carrie.

[41:27] Kerry Butler: Thank you so much for listening.

[41:29] Kerry Butler: If you would like me to come to your school or theater group and give a masterclass or a talk back, please reach out at kerrybutlercoach.com.

[41:41] Kerry Butler: If you like this podcast and want more episodes, please go to bpn.fm slash breaking broadway and subscribe, like, or share.

[41:50] Kerry Butler: Together, you and I'm bringing run away.