No is a complete sentence.

It might sound harsh, but when used

with purpose,

it's one of the most efficient,

powerful and professional tools an

actor can have.

Still let's face it, saying no isn't

easy,

especially when your heart says, yes,

please cast me.

And your god says,

this might not be right.

Why do actors struggle with turning

things down?

And how we can say no without guilt,

fear or burning Bridges?

How do we do that?

Let's unpack the psychology

of no,

something every actor should

no.

Right now I'm casting actor's castle.

Well, hello, and welcome to today's

episode of casting actor's Cass.

I'm Jeffrey Dreisbach.

I'm a casting director with McCorkle Casting

casting in New York.

How are you?

Why this topic matters

is because actors are conditioned to

say yes to every opportunity

out of fear.

See, the belief is that if I say no

once, i'll never be asked again.

But you know what?

Saying no is a skill, not a weakness,

and it can be a powerful professional tool.

We'll get into it in just a second.

But first, this is that moment of the

podcast where I get to say thank you so

much for tuning in to casting actor's

cast.

I'm having a great time sending these

podcasts your way, and I hope that

you're getting a lot out of them.

I'm up to, I don't know, 370

somethin episodes of the podcast, and

still going strong.

Hey, listen, if you haven't done so

already, can I suggest that you go to

the website, casting actors cast all

one word dotcom.

Casting actors cast dotcom.

You're going to find all kinds of cool

stuff there.

One is a form that says, dive into the

talent pool.

And if you do that that's going to open

up some freebies for you.

A book on voice over work, a free video

called casting secrets, what they don't

tell you.

Also, I'm so proud of my new course

that's out there.

44

00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,0

You can find that right on the landing

page as well.

It's just a one hour course, but it is

a complete

course on auditioning, called next

level auditions.

I think you're going to get a lot out

of that.

And also, my book is available.

I'm so happy now to say to you, that

are my audio book.

I voiced my book myself.

Yep it's unaudible,

and it's called book to it.

So you can have the hard copy, or you

can do the audio book, unaudible dot

54

00:03:13,59 --> 00:03:13,226

com.

Anyway, lots of stuff going on him.

I shout out to my good friends at

actor's connection, do check out the

website.

So let's jump into the psychology

behind people pleasing.

Why?

Why?

Here's the answer?

I think it's validation seeking.

You see, many actors derive self worth

from being chosen or wanted.

After all, if you think about why you

wanted to be an actor in the first place,

part of it had to be the adoration,

the attention and the love that you got

from an audience.

You see, that is part of the entire

idea

behind

being afraid to say no.

There's also a scarcity mindset, a fear

that another opportunity is not going

to come along.

Like, if I don't take this, I don't

know what's going to happen in the

future.

And so I have to say yes, because I'm

afraid of saying no.

There's also something about early

training and cultural conditioning.

You see, I know for a fact that many

acting programs stress, oh, always say yes.

I mean,

there are professors and teachers and

instructors that are out there saying,

it's such a hard business, it's so hard

that if anything comes your way, you've

got to say yes.

You just keep saying yes until you

can't anymore

you have to.

Well, you know what?

That kind of conditioning

doesn't really apply for today's actor.

In my opinion,

you don't always have to say yes.

And that fear that you were raised on

from others in

positions of

power or strength or authority,

really weren't doing you any favors.

Because the other thing that gets

mentioned quite a bit is that there is

a fear of being labeled difficult.

It's a stigma that's going on out

there, that

being here it is, that being selective

is also being problematic.

You know what?

That isn't true at all.

And then there's the industry.

Power dynamics.

Actors often feel at the bottom of the

power pyramid,

that if you are at the bottom of the

pyramid, then the only thing that you

have to do is say yes in order to rise

up out of that base.

And I

know for a fact

that the result is actors just default

to saying yes to avoid rejection,

to avoid confrontation

simply missing out.

So let's look at why actors sometimes

say yes to auditions,

even though they don't plan to accept

the job.

What's really going on here.

Well, I mentioned it just a moment ago.

I think it's fear of missing out.

We say to ourselves, what if I changed

my mind?

Or this becomes a bigger?

Opportunity

that's challenging.

That presents a whole other set of

circumstances

that fear of missing out,

that can be really debilitating.

Sometimes

there's also this need to stay visible.

In other words, we say, if I show up,

they'll recommend me for something else.

It might not be for this job, but at

least I'm getting seen.

And speaking of that, you might be

getting pressure from reps or agents or managers

that push actors to keep the Doors open.

You see, if an ager, nor a manager

says, I know that you might not want to

take this job, but it's really a great

way to meet this casting director.

Wow, we need to take a look at that.

Because that is not helping you also.

That is not helping me.

If you're saying yes to an audition

simply to get some

time in front of a casting director

without the intention of taking the

job, you're actually going to do

yourself a disservice.

It's actually going to come back to

bite you.

Moving on from there there's guilt or

obligation.

When you feel bad about saying no to

casting people,

the rep that submitted you, sometimes

it's hard to want to say no because

you're afraid you might disappoint them.

141

00:07:48,1 --> 00:07:48,635

So

that is part of the people pleasing

aspect.

It's what I call the people pleasing

aspect.

Sometimes

the actor will say yes.

Now just to avoid the awkwardness of

saying no.

Here's the trap with that way of

thinking.

It wastes time.

It causes mental friction, and

potentially it Burns Bridges when

actors withdraw at the last minute.

I know this to be absolutely true.

Now, we know that there are

circumstances

that happen in life that might keep you

from being able to take a job that

you've auditioned for.

I'm not talking about those legitimate

kind of

life issues that take place.

But I am talking about knowing that if

the job comes your way,

159

00:08:39,52 --> 00:08:39,386

you probably

are going to take it.

That that puts you in a

slightly

difficult place, as far as your

relationship with your agents, but also

with casting directors,

because I think that there's a lot of

fear

about turning down work.

Of course, there is,

why does it feel terrifying

to decline a job?

Well, there's that fear of blacklisting,

you know, that once word gets out, that

you're never going to get sort of the

attention that you deserve.

And that's a myth,

there's this worry that you're never

going to be called in again.

That's not really true.

In fact, the opposite is sometimes true.

There's also rejection trauma.

Do you feel that sometimes

saying no feels like reversing years of

fighting to be accepted,

and saying no just becomes

such a frightening aspect?

Then there's the unrealistic

gratitude mindset,

the one that says, I should just be

thankful to be offered a job or anything,

I should be grateful that I've gotten

an audition.

Well, that kind of mindset isn't

healthy either, only because there's

that sense of desperation,

and there's that sense, once again, of

not feeling that you are deserving.

And so therefore it's like, I don't

know, a treat,

it's like dessert, to get an audition,

you know, what that's kind of the wrong

way to think about it.

Moving on from there there's also this

financial insecurity.

Sometimes we are

thinking about survival and not career

development.

For example, if you get an audition for

a regional theater job.

In the regional theater job doesn't pay

as much as your waiter or waitress job.

And you're staying, in New York,

I respect the decision to stay in New

York, but I don't respect the decision

to just audition anyway.

Because there's this fear

that, oh my gosh, if I have to say, put

my waiter or waitress job on hold.

And I'm just using that as a silly

example,

because the theater job doesn't pay as

well,

and I make more money waiting on tables

than I do playing

a role in a well known regional theater.

I think that there's something that has

to be

really confronted there.

And I don't mean in a harsh way.

I mean it's something

that

we forget, sometimes,

career development, and sometimes

having to make some kinds of compromises

in order to flesh out and develop and

grow a resume.

There's also identity attachment.

Turning down work feels

like turning down being an actor.

And so you put yourself through a lot

of stress

when those kinds of choices are

put in front of you.

So here's a takeaway.

And I mean, this

saying, no, doesn't end your career

it can define it.

We'll talk more about that, and how to

say no professionally

and gracefully.

Right after this.

Welcome back, let's talk about how to

say no professionally and with grace.

When you truly need to decline a job,

how do you preserve relationships?

That's the question that needs to be

asked.

One,

be prompt.

In other words, if you have to turn

down a job, don't delay.

Respond as soon as you can respond with

your answer.

And the answer should be something

that's kept positive

and very brief.

236

00:12:41,61 --> 00:12:41,294

For example,

here's a perfect way to decline a job.

Opportunity.

Thank you so much for the opportunity.

After careful consideration,

I'm going to pass on this one, but I

hope to be considered for future

projects you might be involved with.

I want you to avoid over explaining.

There's no need for lengthy

justifications.

Just keep it professional, not personal.

But I will say this,

as a casting director, I can tell you

that it's my job

to find out what the reason for turning

down the appointment, or the call back

or the job.

I do ask the raps, why.

Why is the actor turning this down?

And it's up to the agent, sometimes to

to do that, to answer the question.

But please know that the reason I'm

asking is not to just get more into

your personal stuff.

But consider that I have to go back to

that producer,

I have to go back to that director,

and I have to explain, well, they

didn't want to the job because,

bump up.

Phil in the blank,

here are some valid reasons that

sometimes

the job itself can be turned down when

you say, I do not respond to the material.

In other words, if you've just been

given some sides, and then you got a

call back and got a full script.

Now that you've read the full script,

you know, after reading the script,

it's just, I don't feel like it's

something that I am right for.

You can make that determination.

But saying that you don't respond to

the material is absolutely

fair.

You're allowed to do that because

that's truthful, that has integrity,

and that does not hurt you.

Sometimes we have gotten this crazy

excuse.

Oh yeah,

my sister's wedding is during the

performance run.

My next question to the aged or to the

actor is, and you didn't know about

your sister's wedding when you came

into audition,

so make sure that you're filtering

everything through a professional lens.

I suggest that you be honest and

upfront.

If you just say, I'm not comfortable

thinking about doing this role, there

are extenuating circumstances that are

going to prevent me from saying, yes,

those are the kinds of responses that

show professionalism.

And also, I want you to make sure you

show some appreciation when you express

gratitude for the offer or the audition.

Just make sure that you want to leave

the door open.

You want to say,

thank you so much for the opportunity.

I really look for

the next time we could perhaps work

together.

And of course, I mentioned this

earlier, but communicate through your

reps when possible.

Let your agent or manager frame the

response.

If that's applicable,

that's really ok,

I will tell you.

However, make sure that you emphasize

the reason and keep it professional.

And I know I shouldn't have to say

this.

And truthful,

I would really

think it's important for your

relationship with your agent or

manager.

But that agent or manager's

relationship to casting.

If it's a truthful response,

if it's something that just kind of

makes sense to us, then we're not going

to pursue it, and it's certainly not

going to come back to bite you.

And you can do that by reinforcing

future interests by saying something like,

I am a big fan of the office and your

work, and I really, really look forward

to other projects down the line.

That's a good response.

Moving off of that let's take a look at

some takeaways and some actionable advice.

Remember this, saying no

is a boundary,

not a betrayal.

See healthy boundaries, build respect

with yourself

and with casting.

Those casting professionals have heard

it all.

And having a clearly defined boundary

is absolutely fair and absolutely appropriate.

Know your values, your limits and your

long term goals.

Say yes to what aligns

and say no

to create a world of professional

not rejections.

So I have a call to action.

I want you to respond to this.

Have you ever said yes when you meant

to say no?

What happened?

What happened to you?

What happened to the situation?

I would love for you to write me,

casting actors, cast dotcom or casting

actor's cast, a, Gmail, dot com as my

email address.

Let me know what happened.

So I'm inviting whatever feedback,

whatever that situation was, I would

love to hear about it and feature it on

some future shows.

Or do you have any personal stories on

social media

or

do you have a situation that you wanted

to share with an audience.

I would love to hear back from you

again.

Casting actor's cast, id com, casting

actress cast on Gmail dot com.

So

I also think there's value.

You might find this to be silly,

I'm all kinds of silly,

but I encourage you to rehearse saying

no.

I would rehearse it like saying a line

in a scene.

Why?

Because it takes practice,

it takes time.

So when you have the situation of

having to say yes or having to say no,

just know

that there are some checklists,

little notations, that you can give

yourself to put yourself and frame

yourself in the best possible light.

I hope that this has been helpful to

you.

We're talking about the psychology of

saying no.

I understand the challenge behind it,

but I also think that I've given you

some viable solutions that are going to

help you down the road.

Thank you so much for listening today.

By the way, please leave me a like, a,

share a review, if you like, especially

357

00:19:29,69 --> 00:19:29,469

on iTunes.

If you enjoyed today's episode, I would

love to hear from it.

And I'm excited, because the next three

episodes, I think, are going to be really,

really valuable, because we're talking

about the psychology part of being an

actor.

So we'll see you next time.

I'm Jeffrey Dreisbach.

And this is

casting actor's