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[0:02] Jennifer Apple: Hello, welcome to this week's episode of the Empowered Artist Collective Podcast. My name is Jennifer Apple. And this week I had the absolute pleasure of chatting with Allegra Edwards. She shares insights into her life as an actress, mother, wife, and sister. We specifically talk about her journey with landing the series regular Ingrid in the Amazon Prime series "Upload," starting with her unique initial audition and highlighting the challenges and growth she experienced throughout the three seasons, especially while maintaining positivity amid the uncertainties of the entertainment industry. We also get into having perspective, navigating imposter syndrome and insecurities, the importance of cultivating trust, advocating for oneself, and owning one's process. Enjoy.

[0:59] Allegra Edwards: Wow, what a time.

[1:00] Jennifer Apple: What a time.

[1:01] Allegra Edwards: Yeah.

[1:02] Jennifer Apple: Oh, it's so good to have you in this space and see you in the back of the video.

[1:05] Allegra Edwards: It's so good to see you.

[1:07] Jennifer Apple: I have such a crush on your hair.

[1:12] Allegra Edwards: How many people every day talk to you about your hair?

[1:16] Jennifer Apple: I'm staring at it from here and like, oh, I'm looking at it. I look like I've been electrocuted today. But if this is the vibe, thank you.

[1:23] Allegra Edwards: Um, body, it's volume, it's luscious.

[1:26] Jennifer Apple: Yeah, it's a lot.

[1:27] Allegra Edwards: It feels currently like a bit of a shag monster, but um, so I guess to answer your initial question, not many people currently have been like, what is the situation? They're probably just like, oh, she needs to get it under control. But if this is the vibe, then thank you.

[1:42] Jennifer Apple: I think it is. I think it is. I think more is more is more.

[1:46] Allegra Edwards: Yeah, that's been an evolution, a hundred percent. Like if it could be a full, full name, and I could be, yeah, I can get taller because of it. I live live.

[1:57] Allegra Edwards: Um, for anybody who does not know you, who are you today?

[2:07] Allegra Edwards: My name is Allegra Edwards, and today I am an actress who did an audition last night at 10:30. Um, and was really excited about it, and trying to keep my expectations low and my positivity high at the same time, which feels like a paradox. I am in between jobs. I am a mom and a wife, and I am currently in a really good mood because I've had not one, not two, but three nights away from my son.

[2:51] Jennifer Apple: Oh.

[2:51] Allegra Edwards: And that hasn't happened in months. So I actually am refreshed today.

[2:59] Allegra Edwards: Because of sleep.

[3:01] Allegra Edwards: No, he's a great sleeper. It's actually more about um, I can't, I don't think about myself when he is in the house full stop.

[3:11] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[3:12] Allegra Edwards: Um, I do, but um, but there is a corner of my brain that is always thinking about either what he needs next, what I should have done differently regarding him, um, what I should be preparing for for his next week, month, six months. Um, and whether or not I'm feeding him well. I mean, it just doesn't, the monologue about he's a year, a year and a half, the inner monologue about him doesn't stop until he's out of the house.

[3:46] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[3:46] Allegra Edwards: And even then it's still, I mean, obviously I still think about my son when he is 100%. Um, but I just completely fixate on that instead of on my own needs. And I think a lot of mothers and fathers do that.

[4:02] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[4:03] Allegra Edwards: Um, but yeah, that's a long answer to say I'm actually in a really good mood today.

[4:07] Jennifer Apple: Great. Well, thank you for being so honest about all of that. You know, I think we can all put on our little rose-colored glasses and be like, oh yeah, like we have these things optically, and this is probably how it seems when we put them into the ether or social media or whatever. And then really like reminding ourselves that we're humans and that it's not a linear situation in any way. And you can hold the paradoxes of I am so grateful and I love this, and this is hard, and also I want this, and also I need this, and also I'm neglecting this, and also I'm giving of this, and all of these things, the ands are real, they're very, very real.

[4:43] Allegra Edwards: Yes, and they are ands, not buts. That's been, uh, I have an amazing acting teacher, acting coach, and she's been highlighting and as a very useful phrase. I think we get used to saying but and we don't have to. It doesn't have to be an exception. It can be, it can contain, you can contain everything together. It's okay for paradoxes to exist, you know.

[5:11] Allegra Edwards: Arguably that's what makes us human. Like I think to be able to hold all of that and be able to figure out how to navigate holding all of that, yeah. And to learn to adapt and to accommodate and to compartmentalize or to open to like expand. I mean, all of that is, I would argue, the growth of being a human. So yes, the ands of all of it.

[5:32] Jennifer Apple: Um, so I, I mean, I know you I guess because of our grad program, the American Conservatory Theater in San Francisco. R.I.P. R.I.P. that I, that I, I have, we don't even need to go down that sad, that's its own podcast.

[5:49] Allegra Edwards: That's literally its own episode that I'm not intending to do today.

[5:54] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[5:54] Allegra Edwards: However, you know, I will say that um, our program has turned out some brilliant, brilliant actors, yourself being one of them and in addition to being an incredible human being and just like stunning and funny. Like you shouldn't, you're kind of everything. You are like the full package of all of it. So I'm like a fangirl of you as just like a fellow actor in the ether in addition to like as a human.

[6:23] Jennifer Apple: But I also just like want to fangirl over you and your many seasons thus far on "Upload." You are so funny and so vulnerable simultaneously and it doesn't feel shticky. Like I don't know how you manage to just put all of that into the most like you're, I'm not to like spoil it for people but like you're wearing some insane stuff in order to make this series work.

[6:49] Allegra Edwards: Sure, and the situations are absolutely wild. Yes, and the stakes cannot be higher for you in a way that feels so real and yet so insane. And you are a mastermind at balancing all of it.

[7:05] Jennifer Apple: Thank you.

[7:05] Allegra Edwards: Um, yeah, your work is epic in that. Um, so just want to like preach that into the ether.

[7:07] Jennifer Apple: Thank you, that's really...

[7:07] Allegra Edwards: Yeah, you're so good. Um, I'm curious if you don't mind like telling us the journey of how that all came to be um and how it has been for you thus far. I know it's not the only thing you've done, but I guess but it's the entree.

[7:29] Allegra Edwards: Yeah, it's, uh, yeah, "Upload," uh, it's amazing how um it increasingly becomes a significant part of my life the longer it goes on, which I'm really grateful for. But I auditioned for "Upload" in November of 2017.

[7:48] Allegra Edwards: Wow.

[7:49] Allegra Edwards: Yeah. And it was a self-tape out of New York.

[7:56] Jennifer Apple: And were you living there at the time?

[7:58] Allegra Edwards: I was living in New York, yeah. And I did what I like to call a breakfast tape, which is when you have your actor buddy who is your favorite self-tape partner, and she's only available at 7:30 in the morning. You show up and you bring um an oat milk cappuccino and a pastry, and you say, Thank you, God bless you. Put your cats in the other room, please. Let's try and not wake the neighbors. Um, full beat at 7:30 is rude. Um, but that was, you do what you can to get it in on time. And um, and if you know that you do your best work with certain people, then you'd make it happen, you know.

[8:42] Allegra Edwards: Um, and it was just a couple little scenes, probably four pages total. Um, and was it slated at the time to be a series regular or just mostly a recur?

[8:53] Jennifer Apple: It was slated to be a series regular for sure, but it was just the pilot that I was auditioning for, so it hadn't been picked up to series yet.

[9:00] Allegra Edwards: And um, I remember reading they did send the full script, and I read the pilot episode and thought I was laughing out loud, and I thought it was so original and interesting. And as I was reading it, it felt like how people talk. These are all like tick, tick, tick, some of exactly what I look for in projects that I get most excited about. But at the time, like I talk like that now, but at the time I'm like, you, we audition for everything. There's no like, do I want to audition for this? No, you say yes to everything, you know.

[9:36] Allegra Edwards: Um, had you been in for many series regulars prior to this?

[9:40] Allegra Edwards: I think so. Uh, not, I wouldn't say many, but um, but a fair amount, and they kind of ran the gamut. Um, yeah, I did, I did the scenes, had fun with them. They were short, sweet to the point. I got feedback a couple days later that the um, creative, the um, executive producer Greg Daniels, who created the show and is a um, pretty amazing iconic television man in his own right. Um, he had some, he had one note. He said, I okay, now I've seen her, I've seen her comedy take, and I want to see it more grounded. And that was all the information.

[10:24] Allegra Edwards: And so I taped again, same thing, breakfast tape, yeah, same location, same partner, didn't change anything. And then um, and then I got a call from my entire team um, a few days later, and they said, Do you know why we're calling? And I said, I'm hoping I have a callback for this project that I was excited about and they said you have the role you, they wow that's it you're on a plane in 48 hours for the table read and I was wow yeah yeah yeah yeah and I was in a hardware store trying to get a litter box uh with my mom and um my mom is um, you know, um she she grew up uh sort of church lady learned the entire hymnal um because she was bored one summer and can play the organ and um I was on the phone and I told her while I was still on the phone what the news was and she went well fuck Allegra well I mean I'm sorry but fuck fuck and I to this day I don't think I've ever heard her say those words since I'd never heard her say them before I sat on the sidewalk outside the hardware store and cried and um were you holding the litter box or you literally didn't did not procure it no pun intended I think I ditched that I probably went back for it because I had to figure out your life my flight yeah what was happening um so uh insane yeah that doesn't happen yeah um it because the reason it doesn't happen is because they uh you need to chemistry tests right and and apparently, Robbie, I learned later, he was the very first person to audition for Nathan.

[12:21] Allegra Edwards: Um, Andy was the very last person to audition for Nora. And then um he had chemistry read with five or six other ingrids. Wow. So they were testing women for this role. And um, I didn't meet with the director, I didn't meet with a casting director. I didn't, I didn't see a single person's face in a square or in a room. And um, the reason I think that's an important part of the story for me is because I had huge imposter syndrome when I arrived at table read. I had a panic attack the morning of, called my dad at five in the morning, said I'm too tall, and they don't know how tall I am. This is what I was fixating on. They don't know how tall I am. They don't know, they don't know that they don't want me yet, but they're gonna find out at the read today.

And I'm gonna lose this job for myself. And um, because there's no way. There's no way I could have something this big um for no work. I felt like I hadn't earned it. Um so yeah, I'll stop there. I'll pause there for now.

[13:32] Jennifer Apple: Yeah. Um, I could keep going, but I mean, I'll probably have you keep going. That's the intro. No, it's it's really kind of incredible. I think so many people, myself included, have, you know, this idea that these things happen in certain ways. And, you know, we've had a couple of different guests on here to talk about the way in which they've, you know, gotten their quote unquote big break or uh booked something that was really epic, and there is not a single story that is the same.

[14:00] Allegra Edwards: Yes.

[14:01] Jennifer Apple: And I think that for me is really important to have on this podcast specifically and just continue sharing is that we can get fixated on something looking a certain way or happening according to a specific agenda or, you know, the way that we've heard that we think it's supposed to happen of well, these are the this is the order of operations in order for it. But there are these anomalies.

[14:22] Allegra Edwards: Yeah.

[14:22] Jennifer Apple: And to be reminded that we really never know and all you can do is show up and do your best work. And then trust in some process that is beyond you that it will work out how it's supposed to. And then as you hit each of those markers to come back to yourself with all of the imposter syndrome or the doubts or the shame or the fear or the insert word here.

[14:48] Allegra Edwards: Yeah.

[14:48] Jennifer Apple: And remember that that is also part of the journey.

[14:51] Allegra Edwards: Yeah.

[14:52] Jennifer Apple: It's it's a lot. But also like how freaking cool. And I would imagine yeah I would imagine that it makes a lot of sense to me why you then had you know those feelings going in when it's just like you've done I would imagine you've done so much more work for things that you never got.

[15:09] Allegra Edwards: Yeah versus like the thing that you did and it came so quote unquote easily.

[15:12] Jennifer Apple: Yes.

[15:13] Allegra Edwards: Yes. It's um uh yeah I had a point of comparison I had tested for a um another pilot for AMC um I think earlier that year and um and did the whole like go in the room go again in the room be prepped be in the waiting room with all the other women chemistry test with the celebrity that they brought in you know Wyatt Russell at the time and and do the yeah yeah this is what I this is what I've heard about. This is what I expected. This is the maximum nerves gauntlet that everyone has to go through um and uh and it's taken me up to now to realize that trust word that you used earlier is a real big factor.

[16:10] Jennifer Apple: And um, and even though it felt too easy to me to get Ingrid off of two four-minute tapes and nothing else.

[16:21] Allegra Edwards: Yeah. Um the the creative that is Greg Daniels, he is really well known for casting um sort of brilliantly and making really good decisions um as a director in the casting um piece of the puzzle, you know. Um if we think about the office, if we think if we think about Parks and Rec, we think about um, you know, these uh these ensembles that he's put together with mostly folks that have been working hard for a long time but are not known faces.

[17:00] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[17:01] Allegra Edwards: Um what I've realized now is that he saw me, and I'm sure the casting director too, Rachel Tenner, saw me, and I didn't have to work very hard to have what Ingrid had for free. Um, which is a that's a ACT phrase. The what do you have for free? And I think I I think there was a plenty going on for me for free um that I didn't have to work for, which made it feel too easy. Um that um something that I didn't really think twice about was Ingrid's sincerity and love. And I think on the page, I wonder, I don't know if other actors maybe focused on her hard edges, and if I maybe didn't see her as hard edges, just saw her as um soft heart.

[18:00] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[18:00] Allegra Edwards: And as a consequence of that, um, the writers have have put her in a soft heart direction. I don't know if she was ever intended to go that way, but there's been this um uh combining of my what I again, what I have for free, how I see her, and how they're choosing to write her. That um that now I'm like, well, it couldn't have been anybody else's because I this is where she needed to go, you know. But I don't know how it, if that's how it started, yeah.

[18:34] Jennifer Apple: Um so anyway, I talk about trust because that was what my dad's um advice was to me when I was unable to breathe in my hotel room at 5:30 in the morning, uh, the day of the table read. He said, um, he said, you have to give these professionals more credit. You know, there's a lot of money on the line. You know that they flew you out, you know, first class on a nice flight. They are not gonna waste their time or their money. You have to give them some credit.

[19:07] Allegra Edwards: Yes, uh he started like looking at Greg's resume or or Rachel Tenner's resume and going, like, Allegra, you're acting as if these people don't know what they're doing. Yeah, and that there's nothing at stake for them. You're acting as if you're the only person that there's something in stake for. And I mean, that shut me up really fast. Yeah, and it put things into perspective. It puts things into perspective of like this is a big picture.

[19:34] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[19:34] Allegra Edwards: And yeah, you can only focus on yourself in this moment without knowing what the other elements are until you're in that space and meet all the people and all of the things. But yeah, to really remember that ultimately this is a massive situation with a lot of people and frankly money at play.

[19:52] Jennifer Apple: Yes.

[19:52] Allegra Edwards: And nobody wants to get the pilot put through to series more than the people that are making the creative decisions about casting.

[20:01] Jennifer Apple: Correct.

[20:02] Allegra Edwards: Um, and I needed to get out of myself and go, all right, all right, okay, okay. That is not gonna serve me to sit here and go, you know, I'm so sorry for being here. I'm so sorry I got on the plane that you bought. I'm I'm sorry that I stayed in the W. I you didn't mean to put right, you didn't. Oh my god, for showing up on time.

[20:24] Jennifer Apple: Yeah, how did you end up shifting your energy though? Obviously, you heard your dad, it it resonated in a way that that meant something to you. But how were you able to walk into that initial read-through and own it? Or maybe you didn't. I don't know. I don't want to make that assumption.

[20:39] Allegra Edwards: Let's I so it's so funny. I um I told you I was stuck on the height thing. Yes, that's been anybody that's done the artist's way, uh, lol. Um I love it. I love it, but also like, whoa, feels like such a cliche. That's why I'm like eye rolling. But artist way is like what's what's in your hall of monsters, right? And in my hall of monsters is like seventh grade actor Allegra who wanted to be the lead, but was only considered for villains and teachers and moms because I was 5'10 when I was 13 years old. Yeah, and um, and so the first thing I do whenever I Google um projects that have their male leads is I Google how tall they are.

[21:22] Jennifer Apple: And I gotta I gotta stop because it doesn't matter.

[21:25] Allegra Edwards: Um, because for lots of reasons, but that was my thing. And um, and I was staying, like I said, at the W in West Hollywood, and you go. This W looks like it was decorated by Lisa Vanderpump. First of all, crystal chandeliers everywhere. Tough proposed fine. Like, let's just do it. Let's just do Hollywood because this is what the people want. There are black and white portraits all over the lobby of famous actors. Cool. And there was one at the end of my hallway when I walked out that morning to go to the table read. There's a giant black and white portrait of Nicole Kidman. This is an actor that I've happened to see in person because I was working a catering job. We love at, yep, at the um at the Met.

And she walked in and was as a statuesque goddess. And I was like, she is legit six feet tall. Do I care? No. Is she amazing? Does she look like a movie star? Yes, she's six feet tall. And um, the fact that I saw her portrait at the end of the hallway made me go, far be it from you. Like, what is wrong? Look at her. Come on, Nicole, come with me.

[21:30] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[21:30] Allegra Edwards: And um, and I remember debating about whether to wear this is so stupid, but it's so real. I remember debating about whether to wear flats or my chunky heels to the table read. Please tell me we're the heels.

[22:58] Jennifer Apple: Yes!

[22:59] Allegra Edwards: Yes! That's how that's I think that's how I because wearing heels makes me feel way more confident, makes me feel more like me, and it's completely what Ingrid would wear. Yeah. But I was still like, if I do this, if I do this, they might fire me. Unbelievable. So now fast forward like three seasons, they put me in five-inch chonkers. I mean, I am wearing insane heels. Yeah. And then they don't even try to put Robbie up on a box. Like they're just like, yeah, yeah, she's just huge. And that like no, but that's right. Exactly. She's a she's a she's meant to be the thing that walks in the room and people go, I'm not I can't ignore her, right? You know. Um, and they lean all the way into it.

[23:50] Jennifer Apple: Ugh. Thank you for sharing all of that.

[23:53] Allegra Edwards: Yeah. I think it reminds us that, you know, even the people that we're seeing say on our screens in these shows, like we all suffer from or feel things very deeply that um we have to play mental and emotional and physical mind games on ourselves to overcome.

[24:10] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[24:26] Jennifer Apple: Right. Um, I think I think it's really important to be reminded of that. So thank you. Have you been using the same monologue for years and can use a new piece? Are you applying to BA, BFA, or MFA programs and need a monologue for that process? Are you simply someone who has no idea where to search for monologues? Well, lucky for you, I do what is called monologue sourcing, in which I find monologues specifically chosen for you. So many artists use pieces based off external labeling for types and roles rather than find pieces sharing who they really are and what speaks to them. So we meet virtually together and you share with me who you are as a human, what you love, dislike, your values, beliefs, family, friends, love, politics, you name it.

I will help guide you through this, don't worry. And then I go off on my own and I find you monologues chosen just for you that fit like a glove. I have been doing monologue sourcing for years as an extension of the coaching I do with artists, and I have found pieces in this way for over hundreds of artists thus far. So if you are someone who wants to feel empowered about the monologues you bring into rooms and use for auditions, I would love to help you find them. And because you are a dedicated listener of the Empowered Artist Collective Podcast, I want to provide you with a custom link to an exclusive rate when you check out today. Head to Empowered Artist Collective.com slash podcast promo to register. That's empowered artists collective.com slash podcast promo. I cannot wait to find you monologues you absolutely adore.

[26:05] Allegra Edwards: I'm curious to go back to this word perspective with you. Yeah. And kind of unpack a little bit more what that means in your life right now, like having the perspective to see a thing or change your perspective on it, any of that.

[26:23] Jennifer Apple: Yeah. Um, yeah, Capital P perspective. So um, I saw this movie a couple days ago, a documentary. It's called Tea with the Dames. Okay. And it's um Dame Maggie Smith, Dame Judy Dench, Dame Joan Plowright, and Dame Eileen Atkins sitting around a table in a backyard, or when it rains inside a cottage in the English countryside talking about their careers. And interspised with their conversation is all this archival footage of their decades and decades and decades of performance on stage, on television, in film. And then there's this great montage where they're all accepting various awards over the years. Um there's lots of montages, but but what it was it felt like chicken soup to me to watch because my takeaway from it was that if you're lucky, life is long and careers are long and varied.

And um, and I was listening to these women talk about specifically the um the fear that they each had in the question of whether or not to play Cleopatra specifically. And they all knew about each other's insecurities surrounding Cleopatra. And Maggie Smith says that she escaped to Canada to play it because she was too afraid to do it in England. Judy Dench said she got a review that said she was an impetuous dwarf um version of uh of Cleopatra. I don't think Eileen ever did it. I think Joan passed on it, even though she was offered because she thought she was not beautiful enough for it. And these are women who have reached the highest level of professional and artistic achievement in their country, are internationally recognized.

And yet, like we've just been talking about, have this no, no, no, no, I can't. I shouldn't. There's no way I could. I'm too scared. I have to hide from the opportunity. I my fear about what this role requires of me or how I see the role is bigger than my desire to try it. Yeah. And um that sent, I mean, it still kind of gives me goosebumps because what a relief it is to hear and also how sad. Um at the same time. And um, and then simultaneously they talk about um, you know, things that they don't um enjoy, people that they've worked with, um whether or not it was a joy for them to work with their own husbands who were also actors. You know, there's a whole joke about which one, you know. I mean, it was um the fact that they were just sitting around a table reflecting on a life, not just a career, um really made me take a big sigh of relief and go, This is just this is a season.

It feels like this season will be every season. It feels like this season is all that matters, matters the most. Yeah. It's just a season. And there's so much more to life and a career than what where we are right now. And that perspective was really valuable for me coming out of, I think I watched it at a good time because the strike brought new fears to head. And I I had this thought come up a bunch um throughout the summer and into the fall that that upload may be the last thing I ever do. Jennifer, I feel like I I still am battling that that it that Ingrid is my is it and that I should enjoy her while I have her because I don't know if I'm gonna get to do anything else. Which is a crazy thing to think, but also felt really real to me all summer and fall and into now. Yeah. Anyway, that's a long answer.

[30:58] Jennifer Apple: No, it's it's it's it's an honest answer, you know, I I think you said a couple things that I really resonate with, which is just like the seasons of our lives, the chapters of our lives and that instead of it being this thing that feels somehow like not enough it's it's actually like the build upon itself where you need one season in order to build into the next season. Like that's literally how the world continues is like I mean obviously in LA where you are maybe seasons are relative. But conceptually speaking, you know, you have different seasons to to move with time to be able to hibernate if we were talking about it is like animal. Like there's there's like the cycle of life that goes along with seasons that I think for me at least allows me to breathe a little bit more into like the trust that you had talked about earlier that it's going to happen the way it's supposed to happen. And in order for that to happen, you need all those seasons prior and to to honor and embrace those seasons to give you what you need to then be able to be propelled forward.

[32:05] Allegra Edwards: Yes. It's hard when you're in it a hundred percent. But that reminder that it really is something that in each of these seasons you can continue grappling with well what how much does this mean and how much am I supposed to like take for granted and how much am I supposed to let go of and and that that balance is really hard. And I guess I don't have a you know crystal ball in front of me to tell you what your career will be, but I also do believe that good things happen for good people. If I didn't believe that I don't know why how why or how I can continue living on this planet. And I know for a fact that that applies to you and your journey. So I don't know how it's gonna happen for you or when but I have no doubt that it is and will um thank you I I it's so funny now you're saying the word season so much I'm just realizing obvious and silly and simple but that's how we talk about television in seasons.

And I think about you know what Ingrid has gone through in three seasons and in coming on six years three seasons and six years, like how what she's experienced as a character, and then what what I have learned um year to year to year to year to yeah to be um prepared for the next season of television. Um with honoring where you are as a human being from that time, you know, like the seasons of your own personal life that have continued to develop and grow and change that you now have as a foundation to pull from or use or like bring with you as you venture into the next season of that, like the two playing together.

[33:52] Allegra Edwards: Yes. And I mean, one of the best illustrations of that was I shot season three seven weeks postpartum. And um we're all you I don't know, you you had your boobs out, basically, you had your stomach showing, you had your body in full. Oh, we could talk about that. Yeah, the um, yeah, that was um, that was so fascinating too. Cause there wasn't, I didn't I did I didn't have time to I mean you look incredible, not much, you know.

[34:26] Jennifer Apple: Thank you. Yeah. I appreciate that. And that was a that was my season three hurdle. If I had imposter syndrome all of season one, and then season two, the big thing was COVID. I was petrified of being the person that would shut down set for not just cast, but crew and producers. I and um, and then just living safely um in Canada pre-vaccine, feeling real that was the big obstacle in season two, personally, and then the season three obstacle personally was new mom, new mom, not just new mom, but so fresh, still you know, maybe TMI, but still bleeding, not able to um jump or scream without totally peeing um still in pain in my um i had a uh bruise on my tailbone and anytime i sat down it it there's a scene where ingrid is like slowly laying down on a bed as like Nathan is kind of crawling on top of her and when I watch it I have this like I went seeing it so painful to sit down um and then on top of that this like oh I have an idea about how I think Ingrid should look and there is no there is no humanly possible way for me to have delivered this eight pound baby and then seven weeks later look like how I think she should look yeah there's no there's no way and to hold that as a standard to myself um I had to fire that good because there was literally nothing I could do there really was I wasn't cleared to exercise until six weeks yeah and and then I had to get on a plane the next week and um so the voice in my head of like you don't look you don't you don't look like Ingrid you don't feel like Ingrid but you got to be Ingrid today you don't look like her you don't feel like her you gotta be her the freeing thought with that was this season Ingrid doesn't feel like Ingrid either why that makes me want to cry, but she didn't.

[36:48] Allegra Edwards: She felt cut off from people, cut off from her family. And then she's working for the first time, which for her is totally humiliating. She feels self-conscious about her skin. She doesn't know why she's still fixating on Nathan. She doesn't know if she should. She doesn't feel like Ingrid. She doesn't look like Ingrid. And neither did Allegra. And that was actually the perfect preparation for everything that she needed to go. And how could I have known that? We don't get the scripts until sometimes, um, like a few weeks before we shoot them. I didn't know where she was headed. Yeah. And the writers didn't know what I was gonna be going through internally. But there's this perfect marriage of ride your insecurity because there is no one more insecure this season than Ingrid.

What a gift. Such a gift that you were able to arguably heal through that, I would imagine, and really just like feel what you were feeling. I would also say that I would imagine no matter what they had written on that page, you would have arrived to that material as yourself because that's all you could have done. Yeah, yeah. And it would have popped off the page, whatever was written coming from wherever you were coming from eight weeks post—I mean, like seven. That's wild. And to recognize that you had gone through something really incredible, all of it, um, and then having to really be present with this new chapter of it. Like, I don't think you could have been anywhere other than where you were, right?

But then the gift of having that lifted off the page. Yeah, I would imagine that—I mean, it's so clear watching season three how raw and real and rich all of those layers are. It's helpful for me as like a friend, as in a human, to like know where it comes from and you like want to give you a hug. Sorry you had to go there. And also like how beautiful you got to use art as a way for you to process all the things that you were navigating. And I would imagine with a team and crew and creative that that like was able to honor where you were when you were like, "This, I can't," or "I need to do it this way because physically X, Y, and Z."

[39:08] Allegra Edwards: Yeah, that was interesting. I mean, my, um, Greg, the directors, the creatives, um, were all really lovely. And, uh, I had a producer that had just had a baby. Greg has four kids, my co-star has a son. I mean, there was this like incredible warmth and like, "You are great, you're doing great, you look great, you're doing great." But then there would be these blind spots that would pop up where, you know, I'm in a fitting and I'm trying, I'm being asked to try on, you know, um, a lingerie set. Period is like, "Do I have to?" Right. And then a thong? It felt like there was like, "Did we all—did you forget? Do I have to remind? I don't—why is this even on the rack in here?" You know, um, but it popped up and I think there's this like, "Oh man, no, don't forget that you do still need to advocate for yourself."

Yeah, even though you feel so supported and you're three seasons in and you know these people and they're friends and they love you and they want what's best for you. They are not you, and you still need to advocate for yourself. Um, so for the most part, it was really amazing. But there are these little, yeah, clips of like, "Why, why are we? Yeah, why, why this choice?"

[40:30] Jennifer Apple: How do you do the advocating? Like, how do you navigate those spaces where you feel you need to speak up for you?

[40:38] Allegra Edwards: I'm still getting better. I'm still learning how to do it because I'm, uh, there's lots of memes going around about oldest daughter syndrome, you know. I feel it because I am one of the people. Are you? I know I can tell, like recognize like a hundred percent. Yeah, I um, yeah, I'm a—uh, boy, I've had that since birth.

[40:59] Jennifer Apple: Yeah, yes.

[41:01] Allegra Edwards: I, uh, so the like, you know, the joke with my husband is he says, he's like, "Allegra, no one's gonna die and not going to jail. No one's no," or he'll like sometimes he'll tease me if I'm like, "Should I send this email?" You know, he's like, "They're gonna call the police and I'm gonna throw you in prison." And I'm like, "Stop." But inside I'm like, "Yeah, I'm not gonna go to jail." And I have to tell myself that. And so, so to answer.

[41:33] Jennifer Apple: I love how that's the barometer, by the way. It's nothing else. It's like, "I'm gonna go to jail." And that's the worst part.

[41:39] Allegra Edwards: Well, and you know what, like sidebar, what's so funny about that is that you know, season two, um, they were so COVID conscious in Canada that we unknowingly answered the door to let in a grocery delivery man and the concierge at our extended stay place said called us and said, "I just saw you in the lobby, and I should fine you $750,000 or call the police and send you to jail." So we actually did. I was like, "It's happening. It's happening. It's happening. It's happening."

[42:16] Jennifer Apple: Oh god.

[42:18] Allegra Edwards: And then it was that thing sat on me all season long. Wow. And that was the first day we arrived in Canada. It wasn't even like, you know, Amazon. That was just like conspiracy. It was prison was calling. And they were like, "Don't you ever do that again?" Um, big seated fear that we have. Now it's been validated. So now I get to say, but sometimes they might, sometimes they might publicly.

[42:45] Jennifer Apple: Yeah, that's why I can't send this email. Sorry. Sorry. It'll happen. I'm gonna go to jail. You can't tell me otherwise.

[42:51] Allegra Edwards: Um, what was I saying? Anyway, so that's a big part of it is thinking about what is the actual worst that could happen. What is the actual worst that could happen? And if it's, it usually is someone will be annoyed, or someone might be inconvenienced, inconvenienced or a little offended. Why is that enough to stop me from advocating for, you know, and usually they wouldn't be offended, or, uh, most of the time it's not even on a radar, yeah, and yet I'm treating it as if everything will come screeching to a halt.

[43:33] Allegra Edwards: And I gotta say, like another thing that's really helpful is watching Robbie, my co-star, our number one on Upload, he advocates for himself so effortlessly, and I know a lot of that comes with years of being an attractive white man, but there are a lot of attractive white men that don't advocate for themselves in a classy, simple, straightforward, non-attitude um way. And he goes, um, "I'm shirtless on this gurney. Can we turn off the air conditioning right here? Thank you." Simple.

[44:08] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[44:19] Allegra Edwards: Uh clear, done. No judgment, no, like whose job is it to—none of that. Just I'm cold. I'm gonna remind you all that I'm shirtless under an air conditioner. Can we turn it off? Done.

[44:30] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[44:31] Allegra Edwards: And, um, and that is freeing to just be around and go, "Well, me too." And then he also happens to be really good at encouraging me to advocate for myself too. He'll say, um, "That's not right, Allegra." You know, when I'm thinking, "No, this must be how it is for everybody." He's like, "No, it's not." And boy, what a nice gift that is when you've got someone that knows their position and their privilege and then goes, "I'm gonna use this to help somebody else when I don't have to," you know.

[45:08] Jennifer Apple: Yeah, it's really, really helpful.

[45:11] Allegra Edwards: I think it's a lovely reminder that we can also like help each other. Yes, yes, you know, we don't have to be on an island by ourselves, despite the fact that it often feels like we are, and most of the time, maybe it is, and also you only know yourself best to really advocate accordingly. But if you do have people that you trust that know you that can support you, that maybe have more pull or respect, whatever that even means in a space to recognize that there is profound, um, I don't know what the word is, like reciprocity, maybe being able to be like, "Cool, I can advocate on behalf of somebody else, and ultimately that will also help me and everybody's winning here by doing so."

[45:51] Jennifer Apple: Yes.

[45:52] Allegra Edwards: The other thing that I'm realizing too, um, that helps with this, that helps me advocate for myself, is I am that person that you just described to my sister who—my sister is an actress. She also went to ACT. She was in the last MFA class of ACT. She is in that post-graduation phase of like what I was saying at the beginning. You say yes to everything. You—there is the scarcity mentality is strong, and you're just beggars can't be choosers, and we're not in a position to be like, "I don't respond to the material," you know, that much. Now there are exceptions. And I've been talking to her about even if it feels like you can't say no, you can.

[46:48] Allegra Edwards: And she's doing her first projects and she's walking on set and she's calling me feeling very insecure about a piece of wardrobe. Or she's saying, "Is it normal for them not to provide undergarments for things that need special arm undergarments?" And I'm saying, um, "Keep your receipts, request reimbursement, CC your manager." I'm learning through her that I've learned, um, because I'm being forced to look back at where I was eight, nine, ten years ago, and oh yeah, I would have done the same thing. I would have assumed the same thing. And I've grown and I now know you don't—there are rights.

[47:35] Allegra Edwards: I love how we giggle about it. But it's yay, rights, but like, but it's a real thing to be reminded of. We have a union for a reason. We have contracts for a reason. We have representatives for a reason. We have, um, you know, we have intimacy coordinators for a reason. We have, I mean, so many things fall into this category. And gosh, what a gift it is when she just this week, she was like, "I got these sides, and I don't—I don't like this material. I don't want—I'm not comfortable saying these words. How do I say that I can I say no to an audition?"

[48:11] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[48:12] Allegra Edwards: And I'm going, "Oh my gosh, of course you can. Let's talk about why. Yeah. And how." And every time I do that with her, I'm reinforcing for myself, "Yes, you can. This is why. And this is how. Remember, Allegra, you have to take your medicine if you're gonna dish it out. You have to take your own advice if you're gonna be preaching it." You know, oh gosh, there's nothing more—I'm sure when you're teaching, yeah, you're like humbled when you present something out that you haven't been practicing. I mean, it's the best form of keeping me on top of my acting game. I know that for sure. I mean, it allows me to stay on top of the things that I know for myself because, yeah, how do I practice what I'm preaching if I'm not actually practicing?

[48:58] Allegra Edwards: Like, how am I gonna say these things if it's not something that I'm implementing myself? And also to be able to articulate something is very different than knowing it in your brain.

[49:07] Jennifer Apple: Yeah, yeah.

[49:08] Allegra Edwards: I think say it out loud to somebody in a way that is resonant in a way that is relatable in a way that is um able to be received and then doesn't feel belittling. It doesn't like just to be able to say it and really put that into words, one has to be very specific about the verbiage. Um and I find for for sure when I'm teaching, like if I don't say a thing in the right way, I could hurt somebody. But yeah, it makes it forces you to have to really be specific.

[49:37] Jennifer Apple: Right.

[49:38] Allegra Edwards: And I think it's a good um there are some people that don't think about the application part of it. That there may be some folks that are asked to give advice that are not even aware of how to say it in a way like you just did. Um, and that that's the difference between a really good basketball player and a really good basketball coach.

[50:04] Jennifer Apple: Right.

[50:13] Allegra Edwards: Did you regret that when the second I came out of your mouth?

[50:15] Jennifer Apple: Yeah, I was like, why did I speak?

[50:18] Allegra Edwards: This one. That's that's what who's a teacher of chefs?

[50:22] Jennifer Apple: A chef teacher.

[50:24] Allegra Edwards: I mean, somebody somebody come on here and tell us otherwise. A driver of buses, a teacher of drivers of buses.

[50:31] Jennifer Apple: Um also known as a bus driver, but I I hear you.

[50:36] Allegra Edwards: Bus driver instructor. Anyway, so I think that that is also its own skill set.

[50:43] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[50:43] Allegra Edwards: There are some folks that are really good at what they do, but they may not know why.

[50:48] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[50:49] Allegra Edwards: Or if they know why, they may not be able to articulate why. And they're all in their own quadrants of talent and intelligence, you know um my mom talks a lot about conscious competence and that the goal is to just move from from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence to conscious competence I always have to say it really slowly um but what you're describing is that you you are aware of what you want to get right yeah because you know how it needs to be said in order for it to be received correct and that is so good yeah but I imagine you do that too um with Evangeline like there's no way that you don't yeah I I can tell when I haven't done it yet you know like I I can I'm oh I don't know if that did not oh and then um and then yeah it it's but then even in that moment there's something about you then learning what it was that you know and so it's not like it's for naught you know you've learned and also you have a relationship that is based solely on love and positive intent that I would imagine you can have a conversation being like ah I'm doing it.

[50:53] Jennifer Apple: Yeah, yeah I can get messy in figuring it out exactly exactly and really embrace that figuring it out together.

[52:16] Allegra Edwards: It's actually we we need each other to learn you know sometimes it's when you when you ask your best friends to help you craft a text message it's the same thing. It's like what do you think of this? Oh I would take out that emoji and make that an exclamation point. I don't know. You know, like we need help.

[52:34] Jennifer Apple: We need help. 100%.

[52:35] Allegra Edwards: Um so yeah, but she's been, she's been such a gift. Also, she's she's gonna go through things that I haven't experienced yet. And I'm gonna learn from her.

[52:47] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[52:47] Allegra Edwards: Um, because she's actually in uh a different landscape than I was when I was auditioning right out of grad school. She's in a post COVID um uh entertainment industry and now a post-strike post COVID entertainment industry, but she's new and I'm I'm I'm not a new girl anymore. I can't say that I am.

[53:08] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[53:11] Allegra Edwards: Um so anyway, we're we're we're learning from each other for sure. And that is I love your sisterhood.

[53:18] Jennifer Apple: It it really rivals many. So I'm not gonna say I'm jealous of it, but I I am then, you know, well, we have a we have an edge because like I said, we're all we're we're like nine years apart.

[53:34] Allegra Edwards: Yeah.

[53:34] Jennifer Apple: And and that is a um the godsend sometimes because I think the deep love that sisters have when they're closer in age, that it I don't know how you can avoid some of the combative, uh like the fireworks that come out of that, you know.

[53:53] Allegra Edwards: Um very real.

[53:55] Jennifer Apple: Yeah, I I cling to the memories of her in diapers because it means I I'm always thinking of her in some way as like junior mom and not just like competition.

[54:06] Allegra Edwards: Yeah, yeah.

[54:07] Jennifer Apple: Um, as we wind on our time, is there anything else that is on your heart, mind, spirit that we did not talk about?

[54:15] Allegra Edwards: Um I, you know, I know that you're um a podcast that wants to offer resources. And I I wanna um I know I already mentioned Tea with the Dames, but another podcast that's sometimes useful, depends on the guest, but that I've I've enjoyed um is one called Back to One.

[54:42] Jennifer Apple: Okay.

[54:43] Allegra Edwards: Have you heard of this?

[54:44] Jennifer Apple: No.

[54:45] Allegra Edwards: It's it's a podcast where interviews are done with actors specifically about process, and he always asks the same first question, which is when you get a script, when you have a new role, how do you begin? And I feel like the process for actors is such a mystery. Yeah, that there's this like, well, I have training, I've been trained, and now it's all behind the curtain. Don't ask me it's personal. Don't ask me it's private. And I'm going, yeah, but what what do what but what do you actually do? Like what do you know? And I I don't know why it feels so precious and private. And some actors don't understand the question, like they get all esoteric with it. But my favorite actors are the ones that go, the first thing I do is I read it all the way through without writing anything down, and then I read it again and I highlight my lines, and then I read it again and I take notes on this, and then I read it, and they get very granular and very specific and break it way down and actually answer questions about process.

[55:59] Jennifer Apple: Great.

[55:59] Allegra Edwards: And gosh, it's like manna for me. Because I offer that as a resource because sometimes I forget and neglect my own process. I start thinking about auditions as chores instead of as opportunities and gifts and true ways to get another job. And I neglect my own process, which is valuable and has a purpose and a place. And I want to have more ownership over my own process.

[56:31] Jennifer Apple: Good.

[56:31] Allegra Edwards: So listening to other people take ownership of their own, however they feel about it. Like I heard Tom Holland talking about how he doesn't memorize lines until the morning of, and I was like, how but he says it keeps him really fresh and it means that he doesn't have choices ingrained in him and it keeps him more flexible for a director. I'm like, that makes sense.

[56:52] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[56:53] Allegra Edwards: Couldn't do it. So what does that say about me? What does that mean? Nothing. It just says you're different.

[56:57] Jennifer Apple: Yeah, for someone different.

[56:59] Allegra Edwards: Exactly. Exactly. But so if that means that that's if that's my response to that, then that must mean that my process is get off the page as soon as possible. And then what, you know? And and I think having ownership, specific ownership over your own process is a really valuable thing as an artist.

[57:19] Jennifer Apple: I love that. Thank you.

[57:21] Allegra Edwards: I offer.

[57:21] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[57:22] Allegra Edwards: No, I love that. That definitely sounds uh totally worth checking out.

[57:25] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[57:26] Allegra Edwards: Um, for anybody who wants to watch your brilliance, reach out to you to hire you, work with you, follow you, all those things. What within your boundaries uh is the best way for people to find you.

[57:38] Allegra Edwards: So season three of Upload is now streaming on Prime Video. Also, seasons one and two. Uh season three is the freshest and newest, but one and two are there too.

[57:48] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[57:49] Allegra Edwards: Um, and uh you can find me on Instagram at Allegra underscore edwards. That's probably my most frequently used app for um inquiries. I love it when people that for inquiries. Um go to my MDB page and I've got all my folks on the left-hand side of my pro page, but I don't know how they show up in the normal anyway. Um agent manager contact info is all there that are people that can perfect ask me questions.

[58:02] Jennifer Apple: Love it.

[58:21] Allegra Edwards: I am so grateful to you. I I just really feel like you're so real and cool and talented and pretty and funny and it's dumb. And I I just it bothers me how you know it's always like the grass is greener, but I really like I feel like nothing's wrong with you and it really makes my insecurities fly. But anyway, you're just a dream and you I can say all those same things about you, Jennifer.

[58:47] Jennifer Apple: I can.

[58:47] Allegra Edwards: Thank you. I can you're brilliant and generous and beautiful and you have such a wonderful voice.

[58:56] Jennifer Apple: Oh, thank you.

[58:57] Allegra Edwards: Um this wasn't meant to be like you needing to compliment me. It was just me trying to like, you know, put things up.

[59:02] Jennifer Apple: Yeah, I know that, and I'm doing it anyway. I'm advocating for myself in this moment and telling you that I need to compliment you.

[59:08] Allegra Edwards: Good. I'll take it. Um thank you for going on this journey. Thank you for being so present. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable and honest. And I just I know for a fact that you are going to work again and that Ingrid is not your last hurrah in any way, shape, or form. And I cannot wait to continue like screaming with bells on my wrists and shaking around and waving my arms profusely for whatever it is that you do continue doing.

[59:36] Jennifer Apple: So is this what happens when you watch TV? You have bells on your wrist.

[59:38] Allegra Edwards: 100%. Just picture me sitting on the couch and with like a big straw and a drink and just waving my arms for it's just my dog is just like, why is she okay?

[59:47] Jennifer Apple: Oh, your sweet dog.

[59:48] Allegra Edwards: Oh my god.

[59:51] Jennifer Apple: I know.

[59:52] Allegra Edwards: Um, thank you.

[59:54] Allegra Edwards: Thank you. This was such a joy. I'm I'm so grateful. And I'm I could have talked for longer. Um trying to be respectful of your time.

[1:00:02] Jennifer Apple: No, I appreciate that. I appreciate I'm probably gonna do laundry and you know, clean the floors.

[1:00:09] Allegra Edwards: We all need to do that some days.

[1:00:11] Jennifer Apple: Yeah.

[1:00:12] Allegra Edwards: Anyway.

[1:00:16] Jennifer Apple: If something in this episode resonated with you, and more importantly, if this podcast means something to you, it would mean the most to us if you would leave us a positive review. This means the most in podcast land and allows us to continue creating these episodes for you weekly.

[1:00:35] Allegra Edwards: If you are not yet doing so, please follow us on Instagram at Empowered Artist Collective, on TikTok at Empowered Artist Collective, more on our website at Empowered Artist Collective.com.

[1:00:45] Jennifer Apple: If you are seeking some fun, cute merchandise, we have that link for you in the show notes.

[1:00:51] Allegra Edwards: As always, I am so endlessly grateful that you keep on coming back.

[1:00:55] Jennifer Apple: And we will be back again next week. Until then.