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[0:00] Jonathan Cook: Alright, welcome back to Gathered by the Ghost Light. I'm Jonathan Cook, your host, producer, and sometimes voice actor on this thing.

[0:14] Devon McSherry: And I'm Devyn McSherry, current voice actor on this thing.

[0:18] Jonathan Cook: Hey, that's right. She is in this episode. Heck yeah. But before we dive into that, we got some news.

[0:23] Devon McSherry: It's true. We are going to be at the Georgia Thespian Conference at the beginning of February, and we've been invited to host an audio drama workshop.

[0:32] Jonathan Cook: Yes, we're going to be going over all the different aspects of producing audio dramas, from writing to directing voice actors to the distribution of the final product. And that will be February 5th through the 7th in Columbus, Georgia, at the Georgia Thespian Conference. So please join us at our workshop. Or just come by our vendor table and say, hey, girl, hey.

[0:52] Devon McSherry: That's right. Do that too. All right, now let's get into what you're here for.

[0:57] Jonathan Cook: Yes, today's episode is a dark comedy called Needles by Megan Tripaldi. You are about to meet Pearl. She is a knitter that has her own online store called Pearly Knits. As she gets overwhelmed with requests, she decides to summon the forces of darkness to help her finish the products before the holiday season. Now, gather around the ghost light, sit back and enjoy. This is Needles, written by Megan Tripaldi.

[1:25] Pearl: Dear Pearly Knits, this is a story of how I made a mistake. I find it extremely disappointing. I don't like to admit that, but it's true. That my custom made. I tried to make my life easier, but as all things made easy, there were some drawbacks. One of a kind. You ready? Custom made socks. Okay, get comfortable. Aren't finished after two days. It's going to get weird. Okay, I'm a knitter, obviously, and I love doing it. It's just sometimes it gets to be a bit much around the holidays. That's when people start asking for things. Come November 1st, the madness begins with my friends. Oh, can I have a scarf for Christmas? I can do a scarf. Sure. Oh, will you make my mom a hat? A hat and a scarf.

Okay, that seems doable, but it's going to take a bit longer. You know, make my whole family matching sweaters. So is that a yes or I am normally happy to make people things, but this time after years of chaos, I wasn't. Every knitter experiences the stress, heartburn, speed knitting until your carpal tunnel activates and crying into your teeth during the holiday season. For me, it all came to a head on Thanksgiving. My family had come up to visit for the holiday weekend. Hey, where's the turkey? I was excited. I never got to see them, so I gained the kind of amnesia that happens with distance. For the first time, I was publicizing my knitting. I've always done it, but now it was on the internet.

I had an online shopping page, an Instagram, a special email account with my shop name, Pearly Knits. I thought I was doing the right thing. No, this was a mistake. It turns out that doing this right before the holidays leads you down the dark, winding path of overcommitment. My online orders skyrocketed in the course of a week. Normally, I'd find this amazing and wonderful and an opportunity to supplement my income while doing something I love and normally use for anxiety management, but not when people do the equivalent of screaming at you via email and reviews. You know, the all caps ones. I got a ton of those. For example, Dear Pearly Knits. Cute name, right? I ordered the cabled socks last week.

Why are they not done? I need them ASAP. Please knit them faster. Judith Moo. Yep. Knit faster. These are the kinds of people I was dealing with. Dear Pearly Knits. Pearly Knits. It's so great. I can't get over it. Can I finish? Sorry. Dear Pearly Knits. I find it extremely disappointing that you have taken over a week to fulfill my order. I request a refund promptly, and that does not mean in a week. Again, I'm extremely disappointed. Thank you, Cindy B. See, I'm beginning to think these people don't understand the concept of knitting. It's an ancient skill that takes time. Time, people! If you order a custom pair of intricate socks, I'm not going to get it done in a day. What does she think, I sneeze and they magically appear?

Well, bad example, because I don't have to... Anyway, here's another one for you. Oh, this one is my favorite. I decided to be smart for once, and I told her there was a waiting list, and this was the response I got. Word for word, it's brilliant. Dear Pearly Knits, you suck. Sincerely, Marion. Honestly, you can't get much more poignant than that. So on top of these lovely, poetic emails, I was bogged down with the usual amount of sympathy projects from my poor and desperate friends. I was just looking forward to a peaceful, food-filled holiday with people I cared enough about to see twice a year. But no. I mean, I had to keep working, so I did what any unsuspecting person would do. I pulled out a project.

Almost immediately after I did this, there were oohs and oh my gods and touching. They always have to touch it, not realizing that they could ruin it by doing that. Nope, they do it anyway. Guys, it's rude. Don't do it. But they're family, so I had to grin and bear it, and soon came the subtle hints. Wow, that's so good. I wish I could do that. Or my personal favorite. I wish I knew someone cool enough back home that could make that for me. Pathetic. Yet, after much more of this runaround, I—and I'm not proud of this—I caved. You can only hang on for so long when it comes to family. Or at least my family. I blame the ex-Catholic guilt. This started some sort of chain reaction amongst my relatives.

By the end of the night, I was making five sweaters, two shrugs, three hats, a cowl, and a pair of intricate mittens. I could have kicked myself. Hard. I would have given myself a limp. Twelve things, plus my other projects from my site, and I had less than a month to do them. I was totaling close to thirty projects to do by the week before Christmas. I was doomed. After that, I shut myself off from the world. I went off the grid. I knew I couldn't accept any more projects, which caused more all-caps emails that I ignored at first. But the more I ignored them, the more they started getting more pushy. And mean. Lots of swearing. Asking for money back. Threatening lawsuits. Overnitting. Something that's supposed to be so peaceful and, well, grandma-ish.

I know some pretty badass grandmas, but none of them scare me. Well, that one does. But that's not the point, and we don't talk about her. And it's not like I was stealing from these people. The money wasn't even in my account. The site I used kept it until a product was received by the buyer. Totally fair and legit. But nobody seemed to understand that. So, instead of handling this in a calm, rational way, I started doing silly things. I mean, we've all done silly things we should know won't work. There are so many tricks that all knitters use to try and make things go faster, and sure, some of them work. But my method was much more complicated. I started going to local magic shops and trying random herbs.

But the most they made me do was smell funny for a few days and made my hair shiny. And sadly, my hands were still incredibly slow. Finally, I was a week away with five projects left. By some miracle. Two of them were sweaters. I mean, obviously, I saved the biggest for last. If I knit at my peak speed for the whole week, I could only get one and a half done. The word of the week was panic! I was in my fifth so-called magic shop when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. There was a book in the back of the store, hidden from the others, but not put away. It had one of those upside-down pentagrams on it. I rifled through it, and almost as if the book wanted me to, I stopped at the page that read wishes.

My heart rate increased dangerously. It was marked display only. And I asked the clerk if there was another copy and she said no. No, sorry. So I calmly, politely left the store and... Okay, fine. I stole it. I'm not proud. It was a dark time. First step, make a circle of sand. Thank goodness I don't have carpets. Next, place five candles evenly spaced throughout the edge of the circle. Can they be mismatched? Doesn't say. I'm sure it's fine. So, circle, candles... Okay, chanting! Ah, whatever, nobody can see me. Oh, lord, it's in Latin? Crap. It looks like two years of French really paid off. Okay, okay, here we go. Well, that was a waste of-

[10:08] Demon: Oh, well, hi there.

[10:17] Demon: Oh, bit of a shaky entry. Usually the candles match.

[10:22] Demon: So, you're actually... I'm not hallucinating?

[10:26] Demon: Real as your desperation. And you are desperate.

[10:31] Pearl: Ah, you absolutely reek of it.

[10:38] Demon: Pardon the term, I just get a little excited around desperation. It's kind of my thing. I'm a wish demon, if that wasn't clear.

[10:44] Pearl: Yeah, no, that is the reason I called you here.

[10:49] Demon: Well, great. Let's get started, shall we? What made you summon the forces of darkness today?

[10:59] Pearl: Uh, okay, we're doing this. I am a knitter, and I overdid it on presents for my family and friends and online orders, and I don't want to get sued, and people are email yelling in all caps, and-

[11:12] Demon: So, faster hands?

[11:14] Pearl: Yes. I can work with that.

[11:17] Demon: Believe it or not, this is very common.

[11:20] Pearl: Really? For, like, knitters specifically, or-

[11:24] Demon: Are you kidding? Around this time of year, knitters begin losing their minds! It's wonderful. I love you people. I can't tell you how many sweaters I have from grateful knitters.

[11:33] Demon: Needless to say, they're useless back home, am I right?

[11:39] Pearl: But it's really the thoughtfulness of it, you know?

[11:42] Demon: Wow, I didn't realize we were so familiar with this territory.

[11:46] Demon: Kind of a rite of passage if you're going to do it for money.

[11:49] Demon: So, I'd like to find out a bit more about who I give my services to before any business transactions begin.

[11:56] Pearl: That seems fair.

[11:58] Demon: Let's start with your name.

[12:01] Pearl: Pearl.

[12:04] Demon: It's a- Actually, it's a nomenclature. I have an internet presence, so-

[12:09] Demon: Right.

[12:11] Demon: Lots of people yell at me.

[12:12] Demon: I mean, I know your real name anyway.

[12:15] Pearl: I figured.

[12:16] Demon: Moving on. So, you've been knitting for how long?

[12:20] Pearl: I learned when I was a kid. Eleven.

[12:23] Demon: And you'd say you have plenty of experience.

[12:25] Pearl: Oh, yeah.

[12:26] Demon: So, this isn't an issue of improving skills.

[12:29] Pearl: No, I'm good. I mean, I'm not the best in the world, but, you know, I'm good.

[12:34] Demon: Excellent. But you know, I'm on the verge of reactivating my carpal tunnel. I need help.

[12:40] Demon: Well, we can fix this! May I see your hands?

[12:44] Pearl: Are you going to give me new ones?

[12:46] Demon: Oh, honey, no. New hands?

[12:48] Devon McSherry: It doesn't work that way. Your hands go as fast as they can, and even if you took them away and replaced them, your new hands would be almost exactly the same. Muscle memory, right? That's a totally different department. I usually reserve that for desperate bodybuilders or nerdy teenagers.

[13:04] Pearl: Oh. But I can make you faster.

[13:06] Devon McSherry: Oh, what do I have to do?

[13:08] Pearl: Just keep knitting. Okay. Knit with these golden needles and you'll never miss a deadline again.

[13:13] Devon McSherry: You got a golden fiddle back there too? Huh? Never mind. Now, before I give you these, there is one more thing we have to do. I have to sign a contract. You have to sign a contract.

[13:25] Pearl: Okay, but I have to make one thing very clear to you, and I realize this may be a deal breaker, but do you rather not give me your soul?

[13:31] Devon McSherry: I... yeah. It's a common concern. Eternal damnation is not for everybody. I get that. Being a higher-up in this department means I can determine my own terms so that not all contracts have to be soul-binding.

[13:48] Pearl: Well, okay. I am going to need to take something else, though. I can't just give, give, give my services away while you take, take, take.

[13:55] Devon McSherry: But what could you possibly take from me? I don't have a firstborn or a goat.

[14:05] Pearl: Oy, you do at once.

[14:06] Devon McSherry: No, we have evolved past that. I just need a little drop of your blood from your dominant hand.

[14:13] Pearl: That's all?

[14:14] Devon McSherry: That's all. So all I need to do is... yep. Are you sure?

[14:22] Pearl: Listen, I do this all the time and have been for an eternity, so at this point I don't need much more than I have. I just need some sort of sacrifice because that's how capitalism works. But I realize that a soul is a lot for some people. Not all, but some. So since I have so many already and my contractor doesn't come by to talk about building an addition for about... what time is it? 4:15. About 263 more years, I'm giving you the option of giving me a prick of blood from your dominant hand. That's all.

[14:55] Pearl: Wow. Hell has really streamlined the process. Things were so complicated before. This saves a lot of time. Brings the underworld into the 21st century. Good for you.

[15:09] Devon McSherry: It's all good business and it saves me some precious space. Damned souls are very clingy.

[15:17] Pearl: Huh. What? You're just a lot nicer than I thought you'd be.

[15:20] Devon McSherry: I get that a lot. So let's get this show on the road, huh? Here's a pen and the contract.

[15:28] Pearl: Oh, that's a lot to read.

[15:30] Devon McSherry: Just sign at the bottom and we'll be all set.

[15:34] Pearl: So I just prick my finger?

[15:36] Devon McSherry: Yep. And then just sign.

[15:39] Pearl: Right, right. Just here?

[15:41] Devon McSherry: Yep. Just where that X is.

[15:43] Pearl: Got it. No need to date or...

[15:46] Devon McSherry: Oh yeah, no. Just right on the other side there.

[15:50] Pearl: Oh, I see it. Okay. Wonderful. I guess that's it.

[15:58] Devon McSherry: Indeed it is. And here are your needles, madame. Am I supposed to do anything special with them?

[16:06] Pearl: Nope. Well, does the size adjust or...?

[16:09] Devon McSherry: No, that should be fine.

[16:10] Pearl: Okay, but they're kind of huge. It won't work for every...

[16:13] Devon McSherry: Just cast on. You'll see.

[16:15] Pearl: Well, what happens if they don't work?

[16:17] Devon McSherry: They'll work. These needles have gotten many a knitter out of a bind. Vine? Get it? But if they should somehow malfunction, here's my card.

[16:31] Pearl: There's no number on this.

[16:32] Devon McSherry: This is more like a direct line. Less chance of some random person getting my contact info. If you need me, just press down over my name with the finger you pricked. Then I'll come back.

[16:43] Pearl: But what if...

[16:44] Devon McSherry: Okay, then. It was gone and I started knitting. In a matter of 10 minutes, I had made this gorgeous sweater. Not a stitch dropped, not an arm uneven. I had made a sweater in 10 minutes. 10 minutes. I could only do work like this if I had at least a week. Minimum. I pinched myself several times to make sure that it actually happened. So I cast on again and I only got faster. Before I knew it, I had a shrug next to a hat, then another hat. And finally, I was finished. In one day, all of my troubles were gone. I'd gone to bed desperately hoping that I wasn't dreaming. Yet when I woke up the next morning, I realized that this had all actually happened. An actual wish demon, who was a lot nicer than I expected, came in person to me and made my problems vanish without the price of my soul. For the first time in four months, I could breathe. I was free.

[17:47] Pearl: But after my boxes were shipped and things calmed down, well, it started to get even weirder than before. Cue music. I had set down the needles and started cleaning my space. But I was troubled. Something was off. I kept looking over my shoulder at the needles. They're still just there. And I just couldn't resist. It was like they beckoned me. I grabbed the needles, casting on, and produced three more items. Mittens, a blanket, another hat. And then I was done. Finished. That's it. Done. But no. No, I couldn't stop. I had to do more. No self-control, am I right? Soon it seemed like more and more knitted items were appearing out of thin air. I was surrounded. I just kept knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting.

Ow. Stabbed myself. And bleeding. Great. Great. Okay. Okay. Where was I? Oh, right. So I grabbed all the knit items and put them into a bag, sealing it tightly. Then I put the needles in a lockbox and hid them under my bed, out of my line of sight. And then I decided to relax, get out a book, and start reading. You think everything is all right now, right? Wrong. I started to hear a buzzing. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Like a vibrating phone coming from the box. I was terrified. And grabbed the closest thing I could find to use as a weapon, which turned out to be a slotted spoon, but whatever. I slowly made my way to where the needles were. The buzzing turned into a banging and became louder and louder as I got closer.

When I was close enough to reach under the bed where it hid the box, it made a terrifying noise and pulled me under. It took all my energy, but I wrestled and I fought my way out. And as I was standing there after the struggle, exhausted and out of breath, I noticed that there was something different. My left hand, it had been replaced with one of the needles. I panicked. Obviously, I mean, my hand just turned into a needle. Then I passed out. And when I came to, you're not going to believe this, I was knitting. Didn't see that coming, did you? Somehow the other needle made it into my other hand while I was out, though this hand didn't disappear like the first one did. I screamed, but I was able to calm myself.

And then I remembered the card. Yes, yes, get the card. Oh, there it is. As soon as I touched the card, which just so happened to be with my pricked finger, flashes and bangs and music, you know, all the fanfare, a puff of smoke and the demon.

[20:37] Devon McSherry: Hey, girl, hey, we have to talk. Look at you still going. You must be cranking out sweaters for the next few. Oh, dear, your hand.

[20:46] Pearl: Yeah, this is a predicament.

[20:48] Devon McSherry: Yeah, but this has happened before, so we should be able to...

[20:52] Pearl: You're telling me that this has happened before and you neglected to mention it in the contract?

[20:58] Devon McSherry: Yes.

[21:00] Pearl: Oh, whoa, can't kill the unkillable cupcake.

[21:05] Devon McSherry: No, but I can severely maim you with my needle hand.

[21:11] Pearl: Well, fine, but I can't help you if I'm temporarily crippled. You may not like this, but the best way to get these things to stop is to just let them run out of juice on their own.

[21:23] Pearl: How long?

[21:24] Devon McSherry: How long what?

[21:26] Pearl: How long does it take?

[21:28] Devon McSherry: Oh, you know, two, two, two hours, two days, two weeks, two months, two months.

[21:33] Pearl: Oh, OK, OK, calm down. There may be another way. I'm almost positive that it will work.

[21:41] Devon McSherry: Oh, my God. Did you notice the section on reneging the contract? It only said that any non soul-binding deal can be broken by a significant sacrifice.

[21:47] Pearl: Correct. There's nothing in my life that is significant enough to sacrifice.

[21:52] Devon McSherry: Well, what about friends, family?

[21:57] Pearl: Nope. Even though they're not going to happen. Catholic guilt.

[22:04] Devon McSherry: Catholic guilt. Well, then. OK, what about my hands? Can't you just take them?

[22:11] Pearl: It's good, but not good enough. It has to be something pretty big.

[22:16] Devon McSherry: But they're my hands. I can get hands anytime I want. I have a wall of them strung up for the holidays.

[22:22] Pearl: Gross. I cover them in twinkly lights. I just do it. I'm festive.

[22:26] Devon McSherry: OK. OK, so what then?

[22:29] Pearl: Well, it's pretty obvious, right? In order to free yourself from these needles, you'll need to give up your soul.

[22:32] Devon McSherry: Of course I do. The contract did say it had to be something significant.

[22:39] Pearl: You're a bastard.

[22:41] Devon McSherry: Well, my dad did disown me and literally have all of my siblings push me out of my home. Thank you for poking open that wound.

[22:49] Pearl: Wasn't that Lucifer?

[22:51] Devon McSherry: A lot of us got pushed, OK? Just because Lucifer was the first.

[22:56] Pearl: OK. OK, I'm... wow. Not the only important fallen angel.

[23:00] Devon McSherry: I'm sorry. OK, I don't... Look, Paradise Lost was very long and weirdly worded. So anyway, you're sure this is the only way to get...

[23:16] Pearl: This is the best way. Yes, the best way. What do you say, Pearl? Ready to be free?

[23:24] Pearl: And that's how I got here. I guess I needed you all to know this because I'm not quite sure what my next move is, and I have a feeling I'm about to make a terrible mistake. No matter what, please know that I... Well, it's just been really nice to get this off my chest. I was hoping to find a better solution for this, but.

[23:40] Devon McSherry: Yo, what are you doing?

[23:42] Pearl: What? Nothing.

[23:44] Devon McSherry: What are you doing? It feels like you've been staring off into space for over a half an hour.

[23:49] Pearl: Don't worry about it.

[23:51] Devon McSherry: OK, so what's the verdict? Am I taking your soul or not?

[24:02] Devon McSherry: It's the fun one we got. This has been a Gathered by the Ghostlight audio production produced by Jonathan Cook and Devin McSherry. Today's play, Needles, was written by Megan Tripaldi. And it was performed by Marian Thibodeau as Pearl. Hey girl. Devin McSherry as the Demon. With additional voices provided by Rochelle Simpson. That's right. Bonnie Marie Williams. Heck yeah. Paris Pringle. Nicole Swanson. I know her. And Aspen Swanson. Yes. Directed and edited by Jonathan Cook. That guy, yeah. Title music by JK47. Oh, that's the man right there. With additional featured music by Heron Vale, Ian Post, Fable Forte, Roey Spiegler, Kimmy, and Rodeo Bebe. Lots of music this time. This program is funded in part by the South Carolina Arts Commission, which receives support from the National Endowment for the Arts. All right. You know the drill. Stay safe and we'll see you next time we gather by the ghost lights.