This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Jessica Rush: As our beloved Broadway community approaches a return, we are following four working artist mothers from both sides of the table and across diverse worlds as they emerge from this time of togetherness with their children.

[0:13] Cara Cooper: Two became pregnant and gave birth in the 17 months since the shutdown, while the other two paused the eight show a week mom life juggle and are having to read to time away from their sweet babes, knowing now just how precious the moments with them are.

[0:28] Jessica Rush: Tony nominee Elizabeth Stanley, Moulin Rouge's Khori Petinaud, choreographer Lauren Lataro, and Come From Away's Pearl Sun share their stories in our special four-part miniseries, Returning Reborn, the Rebirth of the Broadway Mom.

[0:44] Cara Cooper: Hi everyone, thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of Mamas Talkin' Loud.

[0:48] Jessica Rush: I'm Jessica Rush.

[0:49] Cara Cooper: And I'm Cara Cooper.

[0:50] Jessica Rush: Rejoining us to share her ongoing journey of discovery as a new mom.

[0:54] Cara Cooper: This week's guest is also anticipating her return to work in Moulin Rouge.

[0:59] Jessica Rush: When Broadway shuttered, she wasn't even pregnant.

[1:02] Cara Cooper: And when she walks back out on stage at the Al Hirschfeld Theater, her baby will be nine months old.

[1:07] Jessica Rush: She is prepping for the reopening with classes and working out, but most importantly, with grace and compassion for herself, as she knows she is not the same person that took a bow in March 2020.

[1:19] Cara Cooper: Here is our conversation with Khori Petinaud.

[1:31] ♪ Musical number: "Mama's Talkin' Loud" — performed by Khori Petinaud ♪

[1:51] Jessica Rush: Oh my, he's so sweet, you guys.

[1:54] Cara Cooper: He's so big.

[1:55] Khori Petinaud: He is so big.

[1:56] Jessica Rush: So big.

[1:57] Khori Petinaud: He's so big.

[1:58] Jessica Rush: But he's got his little hand like around Khori's neck.

[2:01] Khori Petinaud: He's sleeping.

[2:02] Jessica Rush: And it's so sweet.

[2:03] Khori Petinaud: I could die.

[2:04] Cara Cooper: I know.

[2:05] Khori Petinaud: I could too.

[2:05] Jessica Rush: He's like, I'm not letting you go, Mama.

[2:07] Khori Petinaud: I'm not letting you go.

[2:08] Jessica Rush: Squeezes my skin around my neck all the time.

[2:10] Khori Petinaud: I'm like, I'm gonna have jowls by the time you get old.

[2:15] Cara Cooper: Oh wait, so how old was he when the last time we spoke?

[2:18] Khori Petinaud: I mean, I maybe weeks. I think he was like five weeks old.

[2:22] Jessica Rush: Holy, you're a little over a month old.

[2:25] Khori Petinaud: And he's already seven months old.

[2:27] Cara Cooper: Oh my gosh.

[2:28] Jessica Rush: And when you go back to work, he'll be like, well, you probably start rehearsal shortly.

[2:33] Khori Petinaud: Rehearsal um August 9th.

[2:36] Jessica Rush: Wow.

[2:37] Cara Cooper: Wow.

[2:37] Khori Petinaud: Back in Moulin Rouge.

[2:39] Jessica Rush: Oh my gosh.

[2:41] Cara Cooper: This is wild.

[2:42] Jessica Rush: That's what we want to talk about. Like how all of this feels for you.

[2:46] Cara Cooper: I mean, I'm getting way ahead of ourselves, but um is he sleeping through the night?

[2:52] Khori Petinaud: Are you getting any sleep?

[2:53] Khori Petinaud: He's not sleeping through the night.

[2:55] Khori Petinaud: Um, the crazy thing is that he's just not super consistent. It's like one night he'll wake up once at like 2 a.m. and that's perfect for me because I'm like, I'll get a little sleep on the front end and a little sleep on the back. Then other days he wakes up three times. So it's just it's kind of all over the place. But I think he's just going through a little growth spurt right now, so it's just hard for him to do anything consistently.

[3:17] Jessica Rush: Yeah, yeah.

[3:18] Cara Cooper: Yeah, I just can't get over it. Like, I'm looking at the screen and I could just sit here and stare all day because that tiny little hand just holding on to mama.

[3:27] Khori Petinaud: I know.

[3:27] Jessica Rush: Oh my god.

[3:28] Khori Petinaud: I know I'm gonna miss this one day.

[3:30] Cara Cooper: I know.

[3:31] Khori Petinaud: You will, but it's but you are in the like a hard phase, yeah, for sure.

[3:31] Cara Cooper: For sure.

[3:36] Jessica Rush: The no sleep and gearing up to go back to work.

[3:41] Cara Cooper: You had me. You had a little taste of it this week, right? You did uh the Fosse Verdon Legacy project, right?

[3:48] Khori Petinaud: Yes, yes. I was able to um I've had a couple of things over these past few months that have actually been really helpful. I was able to do like a small little workshop earlier in June, and then this thing was actually like the closest to what Moulin Rouge's schedule rehearsal schedule would be. Um, and so I had to like get the practice with the bringing the pumps to work and like what times do I need to pump? And I have the Willow, which is like this hands-free pump, um, which was super helpful because my other pump, I was I had tried to do it during one of my other workshops, and I was like, this is way too much work, and like I'm gonna be gone for 30 minutes trying to figure this out. And so the Willow was actually really, really helpful in terms of being able to still be in the room while things were happening. Um, I've still not nailed down the timing and the scheduling yet, but I'm hoping that Moulin Rouge will at least won't be my first time doing it, so I'll have a little bit more of an idea.

[4:44] Cara Cooper: For sure. And once you get into performance, then you get you get into like a set schedule. Like I know um Jess, I think you did too, but both of us pumped during intermission because I had like a little bit of a longer break till I needed to be on stage, so I knew every night and during a matinee, I didn't pump during intermission. I pumped as soon as the show was over. Like there were different ways you like figure out where that lies for you.

[5:06] Khori Petinaud: Yeah. Um, it's it's wild, but that's great that you've gotten a taste and also gotten a taste of those extended periods of time away from Carver, right? Because that is hard, I have to say.

[5:16] Khori Petinaud: I'm not gonna lie. I definitely got home, I think it might have been on Thursday, Wednesday, or Thursday. And um, the girl who's watching Carver is actually the younger sister of a of another ensemble member in Moulin Rouge, and she's amazing. I love her, and she's so good with him, and she takes him on excursions all the time and stuff. And they had gone to the museum that day, the Brooklyn Museum, and like had a whole day, and I came back home, and he was just like so happy and fine, and that made me really emotional for some reason. I was like, wait a minute, like what if he just doesn't need me anymore? And like he's fine with the babysitter, and you know, I'm gone, and I feel so guilty. It just was like such a day.

[5:54] Cara Cooper: Well, and it's and that keeps going. I hate to tell you, but like, I mean, it's you know, I said this just to Elliot the other day, she's gonna be seven this month, which is nice. But like I said to her, I said, that's you know, and I said to my husband, this is what we're supposed to do, right? They're supposed to be okay without us around, you know, but when it actually happens, you're like, God, don't they need me anymore? You know, and they're like, bye, mom. Like, go do your thing, whatever.

[6:21] Khori Petinaud: I know.

[6:22] Jessica Rush: Oh my gosh. You on the the last time we spoke to you, you talked so much about how you were getting to know this new version of yourself, this like mother version of yourself. And I think that your experience is so interesting. Remind me, did you know were you pregnant when you when the shutdown happened?

[6:41] Khori Petinaud: Or did no?

[6:43] Khori Petinaud: I got pregnant right after, like the end of April.

[6:46] Jessica Rush: So you've literally walked out that building, an a human who didn't have another human inside her, who hadn't experienced any of that, who and you are now gonna be walking back into that building forever changed, and and this new version of yourself. So, how are you? How is the getting to know your new self going? And how are you wrapping your mind around how that leads into your performer self and how the two kind of marry? You talk a little bit about it on your social media, which is so cool, I think the way that you're open about it. But if you could delve a little deeper into that, I think our listeners would like it.

[7:21] Khori Petinaud: Yeah, I mean, it's it's definitely been a constant, it's a roller coaster, right? Like there have been days where I've gone to take class at Steps and or Broadway Dance Center, and I've stood and I've looked at myself in the mirror and I'm like, I look familiar, but I don't feel familiar at all. And it was there are some days when it would be really, really emotional for me because I'd be like, I feel like I'm I'm doing the steps, I'm going through the through the motions, but it feels completely different to me. And not in a way that's like, oh, my body hurts or or weight or anything like that. It's not anything that you could really put a a finger on, and I'm sure both of you can understand this.

It's it's almost like it's like I'm floating outside myself sometimes when I'm in class and I'm like hovering above and I'm watching myself and I'm like, huh, that's interesting. And it's so weird. And I feel like over the past few weeks, and I spoke about this a little bit on my most recent Instagram post, especially with with Bob Fosse's work, because I feel so connected to it and I've been lucky enough over the summer to be able to work on his material a lot, and I feel the most connected to that material. And so to be able to try and merge these two versions of myself while doing his work has been really helpful for me. Um, because I feel the most confident, I feel the most sexy, the most rooted doing Fosse work.

Um, and so that has actually been really, really helpful for me. And this past week, I feel like it was the closest I I'd felt to that in a long time of wow, like these these two people are starting to come together and to form like this new Khori 2.0, I always say. Um, and so that has been really, really fun. But I will say that there are some days where it's just like, you know, I I have no idea how I'm going to be able to manage it all. And Moulin Rouge specifically, I already felt like I was living on the edge with that show because it was so hard. It was so hard, like even just like being in tip-top shape, not having had a baby, not having come off of 17 months of not performing. It it was it was already hard in that um space.

So sometimes when I sit and I really think about it in the space that I am now, I'm like, oh no, and it gets really scary. But then when I've talked to some of my other mom friends about this, and specifically my friend, I don't know if both of you know Bahia Hippa or if either of you know Bahia.

[9:53] Cara Cooper: We know of her.

[9:54] Khori Petinaud: Yes, I mean, she's a queen. Um, and I talked to her a lot about this, and and one of the things that she always said was that you work so much smarter on the back end um of having a child, and also as you get older, you learn how to work smarter, and so you can be doing something that's equally as difficult as you were doing before, but you just understand what you need to do in order to make it work for you eight times a week. Um, and so that's something that I'm managing, and I'm already starting to find of like, okay, like these are the things I need to adjust in terms of um, you know, my physicality and my training so that I can accomplish the same thing that I was doing before all of this other stuff happened.

I mean, I just I think about it, you've had these opportunities to do this like workshop and whatnot, but you haven't been back on a Broadway stage in front of a Broadway house and that experience alone for anybody who's been through this time who's returning to their job is going to be so emotionally overwhelming I think but in your specific experience I just feel like I you're gonna I feel like you're gonna feel broken open.

[11:03] Khori Petinaud: I can only imagine because stepping back on a stage for the first time after having my first child, I just remember feeling this overwhelming sense of joy because I thought, oh my gosh, this part of myself that I didn't even know was missing is back and I feel like me again, the new version of me. But there's that sparkle part of me that I was missing, and I just feel like it's gonna be incredible.

[11:31] Khori Petinaud: It's gonna be a lot, but it's gonna be a lot and incredible. Yeah, I remember distinctly like hitting that first pose in Jersey Boys. We walked out in the opening and we hit the first pose, or maybe it was at the end of the opening, whatever, and I remember thinking, oh my god, I'm wearing the same costumes I wore last time I was here, but now I have a child. Now I am a mom. That was just like that simple thing of just wearing the same clothes you were wearing before in this space, and you're like, wait a minute, last time I was in this moment, I did not have a baby. I was not a mother, and now I'm a mother. Everything else is the same, right? Because the show's the same, your space is the same, the costume design is the same, everything's the same, but you are so changed, and it's wild.

[12:20] Khori Petinaud: It's a mind.

[12:22] Khori Petinaud: I mean, it's like I'll just beat myself, but that's what it is.

[12:27] Jessica Rush: Yeah, I can't, I literally can't even imagine. Like when I try to think about what it's gonna be like, I'm like, it's useless for me to even try to envision it because it's just going to be even different from just being in a rehearsal space again, which was another thing of like, wow, I'm around people and navigating that, touching other human beings after not doing that outside of my family for 17 months and like dancing in a space with no mask, like all of these things kind of happening in one big fell swoop.

[12:56] Khori Petinaud: Yeah, yeah.

[12:57] Khori Petinaud: And I don't, I mean, and I haven't been there yet, but I've just been thinking about it, you know, going back to work, and I don't dance in our show, but just being around one another and on the stage and interacting, I miss it so much. But at the same time, if I'm being truly honest, I have fear. Like, I think it's the PTSD is gonna be very real. Like for so long, I mean, we still wear our masks and we're vaccinated. You know what I mean? Like, it's really hard to move into that space of being free to interact.

[13:30] Khori Petinaud: And I know that obviously, you know, the Delta variant and everything, like it's still very much happening. But for all of us going back to work on Broadway, we all have to be vaccinated. Everyone backstage has to be vaccinated. So we're about as careful as we can be. But there's still, you know, those of us, especially those of us who have small children who can't be vaccinated, there's still that of like, oh gosh. And you know, I gotta tell you, when you're working with all those young kids who are just like, I'm invincible, I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna go, you know, out at night. Like, y'all, I need you to keep it down because if you bring this COVID to my house, uh-huh, exactly.

[14:12] Khori Petinaud: Exactly. But it's true, it takes on a whole nother. I was talking to my husband about this. He's about to start a show, and it's like, we now not only are we stressed just with COVID in life and having to maneuver this world that we're in right now, but now it's like if we get COVID, we can't go to work. Like before it was don't get COVID so you don't die, right? Like it's the thing. Now we're vaccinated and we're safer, but it's like if I get sick, then I can't go to work, and then I have to be out for two weeks or whatever. And so we decided we were like, you know what, Elliot has to go to school, but we're just gonna stay home. Just lock it down the way down, lock it down.

[14:51] Jessica Rush: I understand. I understand.

[14:53] Khori Petinaud: And it's such a weird, like, you know, with Moulin Rouge too specifically because there's so much partnering and we have to like interact so closely with one another. Now I've definitely had my freak out moments, and they've been random, like in terms of thinking about being that close to people or ever actually having been that. Like the first time I took a class at Steps a couple weeks ago, and it was the first time I'd taken class where it was, I think they were at 75% capacity, which is a lot for Steps. If both of you know, they like packed those classes all the way in, and it was no mask because they were checking people's vax cards, and this was, you know, before the Delta variant was like really becoming a thing here in New York City.

[15:35] Khori Petinaud: And I walked into class and I saw all those people, it's probably maybe 55 people, and I was like, yeah, and I got so nervous, like I just felt nervous the whole class, and just being next to people like that. And also because you don't know what everybody else is doing. Like, yes, we're all vaccinated, but some people are vaccinated and sitting at home, and other people are vaccinated in the club.

[15:57] Jessica Rush: Yeah, exactly.

[15:58] Khori Petinaud: I actually thought specifically of Moulin Rouge yesterday, but we were talking about it. My husband and I was like, they are all on each other. Like that is, they are up in each other's business and faces and sweating and singing and everything. And I thought that show, it's like, what do we get? You know, it's just wild. It's wild, right? It's wild.

[16:18] Khori Petinaud: But they're doing, I'm really happy with what equity has done. I'm also really happy with what our company specifically is doing to keep us all safe. There are quite a few people with children in the company. And so I feel as comfortable as I can feel in this particular situation. And honestly, the only thing, the only way we'll know is if we just go for it, you know, and see what happens. And unfortunately, that means that some people may get sick, but we have to just try it and see how these protocols work, you know?

[16:48] Jessica Rush: Yeah, yeah.

[16:49] Khori Petinaud: Yeah, you're so right. You're so right. I mean, I'm thinking about the physical requirement of Moulin Rouge, and I just, my husband and I were talking about this recently because he works on the Book of Mormon. He's like, I just don't even know what kind of shape everybody's gonna come back in. Like, there's no way to replicate eight shows a week in your house. No, like there's just no way to do it. You could do, you can pretend to like do your show eight shows a week in your living room, but you're gonna wake up your baby, like there's not, like it's not gonna happen.

[17:21] Khori Petinaud: There's like, yeah, there's just no way, and so all this time off, I just can't imagine physically what that shock is going to be like. On top of everything else, like everything else, all the protocols, the emotions, the mental anxiety, all of it, but fit like purely from a physical standpoint. What are you doing to try to prepare yourself for that?

[17:43] Jessica Rush: Like, I mean, because I'm scared and I haven't had a baby. You know what I mean? Like you've had a baby.

[17:47] Khori Petinaud: It's crazy. It's like hilarious when I think about it. I'm like, this is crazy. We're all just gonna be back here, like doing the same thing, but like 17 months off. Like it's hilarious. Like I think about the Olympics right now. Like they took time off from training, but then they've all been training. They have been training wherever this happens. Like, yes, like we're not doing that. You're getting a couple weeks of rehearsal, and then you're going in and you're going for it. We're just doing it. And also, like to sort of speak to you a little bit what you're saying about not really being able to train for it at home. It's also like there's really nothing, like I don't care how much cardio I do or like interval training, anything like that. You can't incorporate the costumes, you can't incorporate the vocals, the lighting, the wigs, all the things that sort of add to making it more.

[18:36] Khori Petinaud: Oh, hi, buddy.

[18:39] Khori Petinaud: Hello.

[18:44] Khori Petinaud: He's like, why are you talking so much?

[18:48] Khori Petinaud: Just so cute. I wish everybody could see.

[18:58] Khori Petinaud: I still sleepy. Um, but yeah, like there's really just no way to replicate it to a T the way it is, or even the backstage traffic and like wanting to change costumes and all that sort of stuff. And so I mean, I honestly, for me, the best training for me is taking dance class. Like, as much as I have been doing cardio and I've been doing Built for the Stage. I don't know if either of you have heard of that doing that. I've also been doing some programs with Dr. Megan Wise, who she's called the Broadway PT, and she does a lot of things specifically for Broadway dancers, and she actually has this program called 10 Weeks to Places that I'm a part of that incorporates a lot of strength training and also physical therapy exercises for like getting back in your Laducas and all that kind of stuff.

[19:45] Khori Petinaud: So I have been doing that, which has been really helpful. And then just trying to take as much dance class as I can. And like honestly, this Fossey thing that I just finished this week was such a good test because we weren't even singing in that, which that's like another whole nother thing. But the number that we're doing is a series of three different numbers, and the whole thing is like 13 minutes long, and the female that's playing Gwynn Burden is in it the entire time. And we were running it on Friday, and I was like, oh my gosh, like Moulin Rouge's opening number is like this, like this is the opening number right now, and I'm not even singing, and I'm feeling my muscles are gonna fall off my bones. So that was like a really good introduction into, okay, like you're not fully ready, but we're just gonna do it and see what happens.

[20:34] Jessica Rush: Right. Yep.

[20:35] Jessica Rush: Well, just like you said about reopening, like we just gotta do it and see what happens, right? With as much preparation as we can.

[20:42] Khori Petinaud: Exactly.

[20:44] Jessica Rush: We're gonna take a quick break. Don't go anywhere, we'll be right back.

[20:53] Jessica Rush: So wait, we wanted to talk to you because you not only birthed a child during this time, but you also birthed your own podcast.

[21:00] Khori Petinaud: Yay!

[21:02] Khori Petinaud: Yes, yeah, tell us about it.

[21:06] Jessica Rush: We were so excited when we heard about it.

[21:08] Khori Petinaud: Yeah, so basically, Robert Hartwell, who is, you know, a Broadway star of many sorts, but he's also now started his own business that he's had for quite a few years now called the Broadway Collective. And basically he knew myself, Shanika Gooden, and Kelsey Griffin. He knows the three of us very well, and he's actually Kelsey's baby's godfather. So he knows the three of us, and he basically texts all of us in one feed, and he was like, y'all need to talk about your experience.

[21:46] Khori Petinaud: Because I think he had been hearing from all of us about like, oh, this is really hard, and like and hearing all these different things. And he was just like, you know, the three of you are Broadway performers, you're black women. I really think the world would love to hear from you about what your experience is. And we were like, you know what, you're right. And so we also invited my friend Chloe Campbell, um, who her daughter is a little bit older than our um sons, and so she has like a a little bit farther of an experience into it than the three of us did, but we just thought it would be a really cool and interesting perspective since our babies were so close in age and hers was a little bit older.

And so we literally just got on a Zoom, much like we're doing right now, and we just started talking and we were sharing, and in the beginning, we didn't record anything, we were just kind of like talking through it, and there were tears and there was a lot of emotions, and we were all of us in the thick of very different things that we were all experiencing. One of us was moving, um, you know, just feeling so many different emotions, and then we just kind of were like, let's let's go for it. Um, and we started recording things, like getting on Zoom and sort of figuring out what we wanted to talk about, and it kind of just sort of happened organically. But I will say that I was really proud of us because we really fought to make this podcast happen because going through early motherhood and trying to do anything else, as you both know, is virtually impossible.

And there'd be so many days where we're like, okay, I can do it, but like, oh no, like they have to go to the pediatrician or they're moving or they're doing this, and like we were just so committed to getting it done. And I'm just I'm really proud of us that we were able to finish the first season considering how we all had so many other things going on. Um, but part of the idea of it was that we wanted it to feel really raw. And you know, there are many times where we're whipping our boobs out and and feeding during the call or what somebody's crying, somebody's having a moment, and we're like, look, this is really what it is. Like, this is how you manage motherhood and trying to do all of these other things.

So it's been a really, really great ride so far. And I love those three ladies. I mean, we've become literally like family during this time recording this stuff because we've been all in the thick of it and really just sharing with each other, you know.

[24:03] Jessica Rush: Yeah, I loved it. I could hear like the babies crying or talking or cooing, whatever on the background. It was so great. And you guys, they are on Spotify. That is right, you're just on Spotify. Um, mother, M-U-T-H-A. Yeah. So we'll we'll make sure to include that in the info in our um in our episode description, you guys, so that y'all can check that out as well. And I think that's just so incredible. I mean, you know, it's you try to, you know, it's with Cara and I, we've tried to really show lots of different aspects and and diverse points of view within this. But I think that as you spoke to when you were here before, the black mother experience is its own, it's very much its own journey with a whole slew of other aspects that just are things that as white mothers we don't think about and we don't are the privilege that we have, obviously as white women, you know, we don't have to think about um birth rates and hospitalization with birth and um, you know, our sons going outside.

I mean, there are so many things that um that you guys have to take into account, and unfortunately, as black women in this country, and um and our you know, our hearts hurt for you guys, but I'm so glad that you have this community of women that y'all have come together and that you are bringing these issues to the forefront because only when we're doing that is when change can happen awareness can be can be brought into the into the atmosphere, right?

[25:39] Khori Petinaud: Totally, totally. And just giving putting a putting a actual voice to some of these statistics, I think is really helpful because it can be very easy to sort of and I even found myself doing that at certain parts where you just sort of repeat the same statistics and they become a little bit more diluted and separate from from the actual human experience. So to hear four women, one of whom is from another country and lives here and has a different experience also as a black woman, just to sort of put voices and faces to those actual experiences as to why we've made the choices we've made as mothers, you know, in terms of our birthing experience and then how we're raising our kids, where we live, where we go, where we put them in school, all of those different things that we're hoping to continue to talk about as we go forward with the podcast.

But I I feel really grateful that people have been really touched by it. And I wish that I had had something like that to listen to even years ago when I was when I was thinking about having a baby, just to be able to hear other black women talk about it from a perspective of honesty, but not fear, you know, like being able to see black women going through this thing, even though there are parts of it that can be scary, but like hearing all the joyous parts of it also that were um that was really moving for me to talk with them about and to experience too.

[27:02] Jessica Rush: Yeah, to share the experience to have other people hear what the actual experience is, not just the statistics or the numbers and not just the negative and not just the positive, but all of it. Yes, you know, that's um so that we've been asking all of our guests that we're kind of checking in with before they go back to work. What would your if you had to have a mantra as you're like moving back into this space and something that you can tell yourself or kind of repeat um to give you strength or fortitude, um, whatever that is. What if you had to give yourself a mantra as we return to work, what would that be?

[27:39] Khori Petinaud: I already have it because I was repeating it so much this month.

[27:42] Jessica Rush: Of course you do.

[27:43] Khori Petinaud: I sort of felt like you were already gonna have one.

[27:46] Khori Petinaud: Yeah, so many times when I had to like turn my back to the mirror and say this to myself, and I would say, I am enough. Um, because I think it can be really easy to feel, and especially as we're coming back into this space, it can be really easy to not have the grace that we need to have with ourselves, considering what we've all been through. And I know that dancers and actors, just performers in general, we have such high expectations for ourselves, and I think that's why we've reached the levels that we've all reached in terms of being performers on Broadway. However, this has been a very traumatic and still is a very traumatic experience for all of us that we're going through. And whatever comes out while we're in the space is what it's supposed to be right now.

And I think that I feel really grateful for having the amount of rehearsal time that we're going to have to really just work out the kinks. And there may still be some kinks when we're on the stage and we're performing, and that's okay. And I think the the beauty and the joy of it, especially in these first few performances that we're going to have, is that people are just going to be so hungry for sharing space and experiencing theater that they're not going to be concerned about the things that we, you know, nitpick when we're in a studio of like, oh, I didn't hit that note, or you know, I messed up that turn, or whatever it is, like no one cares, and I think no one cares anyway, but it's actually amplified in this particular situation where we really are just coming back to a space and just trying to appreciate being all together again because we didn't have that for so long.

So just continuing to repeat that we are enough exactly the way we are right now, and that that's going to keep continuing to change and morph, but that right now in the moment, this is where we're supposed to be, and the way that we are is the way we're supposed to be right now.

[29:32] Jessica Rush: Amazing. It's also perfect for motherhood too. Like in the you know, the pressures of society, like we have to do things a certain way, and it's like, nope, I'm enough. And the way that I do it is the way that I do it, and that is the way it's supposed to be.

[29:44] Khori Petinaud: Yes, you know, not that there isn't time for self-reflection, right?

[29:47] Jessica Rush: Right.

[29:47] Khori Petinaud: It's always good to like look at yourself and be like, hmm, could I be doing this differently? Could I improve? You know, but knowing that just you, who you are in this world is enough.

[29:57] Jessica Rush: It's very, very powerful.

[29:59] Khori Petinaud: So you got it.

[30:02] Jessica Rush: You got it all together, Khori.

[30:04] Khori Petinaud: Yeah.

[30:04] Jessica Rush: I'm not worried about you.

[30:05] Khori Petinaud: No, Khori. I mean, if you got your mantra, you're ready to go.

[30:08] Jessica Rush: And we are we are so I was like, what do you do? You're like, well, it's not enough. You're like, I'm taking dance class, I'm doing 10 weeks to places, I'm doing rattling off all these things.

[30:18] Khori Petinaud: I'm enough.

[30:21] Khori Petinaud: I mean, when I was getting ready to go back to work, I was like lucky if I got a run-in during the day with my loads, it's and there was no COVID-19 then.

[30:29] Jessica Rush: It is not easy though. Bless my husband, because he he takes the reins in the morning, so I can go and do what I need to do. So I really appreciate him really having that, like helping me carve out that time for myself.

[30:42] Khori Petinaud: Um, because I can be a very anxious person when I don't feel like I'm ready for things and I need to have that time for myself. So I feel so grateful that he's been really supportive of that and been able to sort of support my my needs to go out and go for a walk or do my PT exercises or all of those different things I need to do.

[31:02] Jessica Rush: So awesome.

[31:04] Jessica Rush: Shout out to the hubby.

[31:05] Khori Petinaud: Yeah, yeah, teamwork makes the dream work for sure.

[31:09] Jessica Rush: Well, Khori, thank you for joining us today. We we will check back in with you after rehearsals start to see how all that's going for sure.

[31:18] Khori Petinaud: So people stay tuned and um listen, give a listen to Mother over on Spotify from Khori.

[31:24] Jessica Rush: And um, yeah, and mommy, that baby.

[31:27] Khori Petinaud: Oh, he's so cute.

[31:28] Jessica Rush: He's also so good.

[31:29] Khori Petinaud: He's just like chilling.

[31:31] Jessica Rush: Well, because he's still sleepy, that's why.

[31:34] Khori Petinaud: He's like, I would go back to sleep, but mom, you keep talking, so right, right.

[31:40] Jessica Rush: Well, we will let him go to sleep. But thank you guys so much, Khori.

[31:43] Khori Petinaud: Khori.

[31:44] Jessica Rush: And we'll talk.

[31:54] Jessica Rush: Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Mamas Talkin' Loud. Special shout outs to Justin Squiggs Robertson for our fabulous new graphic, Kristen Lopez, Bobby Lopez, and Justin Wardweber for our awesome theme song, and of course, the Broadway Podcast Network for bringing us to you.