This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Kevin Ferguson: Good evening, everyone. Welcome to the fabulous 54 Below. Before we get started this evening, just a polite reminder, please take this moment to silence your cell phones and also there's no flash photography, please. Welcome to the 54 Below podcast. My name is Kevin Ferguson. I'm an assistant programming director here at the club, and our guest today is a Grammy nominated artist who has been seen on Broadway, the West End, and TV. She has been described as a gifted storyteller, brilliant thinker, and accomplished actor by pop culturalist. On August 8th, she returns to Fine Science 54 Below with her show, I Wish the Roles That Could Have Been. Please, everyone help me welcome the one and only Alexandra Silber.

[0:46] Alexandra Silber: Welcome.

[0:47] Kevin Ferguson: Hey, I'm so happy to be here.

[0:50] Alexandra Silber: Yeah, this is so exciting. I mean, you are no stranger to the 54 Below family, so we're so excited to finally have you on the podcast.

[0:58] Kevin Ferguson: What an honor.

[0:59] Alexandra Silber: I it's it's such an honor to be here and to just have a talk, you know.

[1:02] Kevin Ferguson: Yeah, just a little Kiki, just a little podcast moment for the cabaret fans, you know.

[1:07] Alexandra Silber: Exactly.

[1:08] Kevin Ferguson: Yes, yes. So let's get right into it. For the people who don't know, your name is Alexandra.

[1:14] Alexandra Silber: But a lot of people know you as Al.

[1:16] Kevin Ferguson: They do. How long has that been going on?

[1:19] Alexandra Silber: What a great question. So, you know, it's funny. Someone just asked me this the other day, so this answer is like right at the top of my head. As long as I can remember, I've been Al at home, right? And it's definitely, you know, when you have a name like Alexandra, obviously there's a lot of nickname options, right? You know, from Alex, Alexis, Lexi, Sandra, Zanny, all kinds of things like that, right? And it's one of the great things about the name. But for some reason, I was always Al. It was just it, you know, it emerges as your name. And I think names are really important, of course. And it's one of those things where when someone would call me a different nickname or an assumed nickname, I would always go, how interesting that that is just so unbelievably not me.

But yeah, it was definitely in childhood and really solidified itself when I went to summer camp as a little kid. I think I was called Alex in elementary and middle school. You know, I didn't want to necessarily like correct the teacher. It was always very awkward. But when I went to summer camp, it was the first time anyone had asked me, like, what do you go by? And I was like, Oh, I go by Al. And I I'll never forget there was like a very I have a very core memory, specific core memory of my counselor taking the Alexandra name tag off of my like little locker and turning it over and writing Al on it and then putting it up there and just going like, oh, this is me. And what's interesting is I was always Al to my closest friends, and I think I always thought, oh, when I get to high school, I'll grow up and be Alexandra.

When I get to college, when I get into the real world, when I get to the Broadway, and it's gotten to the point where great big famous people come up to me and go, Hey Al. And the truth is, like your name is, you know, to quote Arthur Miller because it is my name, and I will never have another in my life. And wow, it is really truly who I am.

[3:19] Kevin Ferguson: Yeah, I love that. It just feels right, you know, when you know you know, and you've known since you were a kid. Going back to Kid Al, where did Kid Al grow up? Where are you from?

[3:30] Alexandra Silber: Great, love this question. I was born in Los Angeles, and I lived there till I was about nine years old, and then we my family moved to Metro Detroit, where my dad's family was originally from. My dad grew up in like old world Detroit. And um, and so I grew up in the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan. And it was uh you know, I'm definitely a Michigan girl. Um I will always love my LA, my LA roots, my LA fan, but yeah, I'm a Michigan girl, and I know this is a podcast, so I'll describe it, but you know how Michigan, when you think about Michigan, it looks like a hand, right?

[4:03] Kevin Ferguson: Yes.

[4:04] Alexandra Silber: And so one of the little things that us Michiganders like to do is, you know, we're from the land shaped like a hand and glove love and all this stuff. So I have a lot of glove love in my heart for Michigan. Um, and there's a lot of us in the in the performing community, obviously, because you know, University of Michigan has this great theater program and musical theater program, and other Detroiters are like Lauren Molina and the Keenan Bolgers and Hunter and Sutton Foster and Joan Jackson, you know, we got a lot of really cool peeps from our from our neighborhood. So it's uh it was a really wonderful place to grow up. It's a place forged out of a lot of adversity and a lot of innovation and a lot of really resilient artistic spirits. So I'm really proud to be from Detroit.

[4:48] Kevin Ferguson: Yeah. Oh wow. Well, guess what? I'm also Midwestern. I'm from Ohio.

[4:52] Alexandra Silber: Ohio State all day.

[4:54] Kevin Ferguson: I you know I heard Michigan, I was like, oh, don't worry, don't worry.

[5:00] Alexandra Silber: You know, it's funny, a couple years ago I dated a guy who went to Ohio State, and he was like, This might be a problem. I was like from Michigan. And I was like, I get it. It is the rivalry is deep and real. I totally get it. Um you gotta love somebody that loves their, you know, you got to love somebody that loves their home team in their hometown.

[5:19] Kevin Ferguson: Right, yeah, but I don't really care that deep. But I just thought it was really fun. You know, we're both Michigan, you know, Midwestern, you know, we moved to the city, and I just feel like that story is a lot for a lot of Midwestern theater folk. They it's like the city's not that far. So like after high school, did you move straight to the city or did you go to a university?

[5:39] Alexandra Silber: I have a I have a cuckoo, I have a cuckoo banana story. So quite a journey here, tinged with a little bit of actually a lot of bit of adversity, but it's part of what made me who I am. So when we moved to Detroit, pretty quickly in my childhood, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and was very sick for the majority of my childhood. And I was really, really blessed to be able to go to an amazing arts camp and eventually arts high school through a lot of scholarships and support from people that loved me. I went to Interlock and Arts Camp and Interlock and Arts Academy. But after high school, my father, within about nine weeks of my freshman year of college, my father passed away. And I was just 18 years old, and I was really, really lost and really sort of at sea.

I knew that so many people had invested so much in my potential and in my training and believed so fiercely in my talents and acquired skills. They'd invested in me both literally and spiritually and emotionally and with their time and love. And I didn't want to let any of them down, but I also of course didn't want to let my dad down. And I had this huge realization that I sort of look back now and I go, How did I? I mean, at the time, you know, when you're 18, you're like, I'm an adult, you know, and I don't know, you know, you sort of think you're fully formed. And of course, in a lot of ways, we are very formed at 18, but I sometimes look at 18 year olds now and go like, I was a kid on the on the verge of childhood, adulthood, sort of staring both in the face.

And I had this very powerful knowledge in my bone marrow that if I stayed close to home after this huge event, I would, and I put this in quotes, I would die too. And I don't mean that literally, of course. I mean sort of on a spiritual metaphorical level. I would collapse on my dreams. I would collapse on my potential. I would atrophy. And I knew that I had this choice of to stay home and live a smaller life, which I just want to say, there is nothing wrong with a small, beautiful life if it's what you want. But I knew it wasn't what I wanted. Or that the only other solution was to embrace the fact that I had faced one of life's greatest agonies, and I had not been destroyed by it. And what was there to be afraid of ever again?

[8:11] Alexandra Silber: Ooh, yeah. And so in the face of that, I thought the opposite of collapse is surrender. And I need to have a huge, crazy, scary, way outside the box adventure. And so I moved to Glasgow, Scotland.

[8:31] Kevin Ferguson: And I went.

[8:32] Alexandra Silber: I know. I know. I know.

[8:37] Kevin Ferguson: No one does, right?

[8:37] Alexandra Silber: I was like, I'm going to Scotland. And I moved to Scotland to go to what is now called the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland. It is the main big drama school in Scotland. It's one of the top drama schools on earth. In fact, last year in the independent assessment, Royal Conservatoire of Scotland was number three in the world.

[8:57] Kevin Ferguson: Wow.

[8:58] Alexandra Silber: Yeah, really, really extraordinary place to go to school and an extraordinary city to be cradled by in that time of my life, both just as a student and also where I was in my grief journey and process. I love Glasgow still to this day. It reminds me a lot of Detroit. There's a lot of incredible art beauty resilience, born of this working class can-doism, and just an incredible industrial town that has reinvented itself over and over and over again. And from there, I studied classics, I studied classical acting, but always sort of sang for myself on the side, with like steal away to the music school and of course sing and but it was singing was kind of like my little secret at school. And I think it was also because if I'm answering really deeply, singing for me in my grief journey was also very much about joy, and I didn't feel like I had access to joy at the time.

And so singing was actually kind of painful, and I didn't want it to be assessed or looked at. So I just I for a long time it was my little secret. And then in my final year of school, just in case the story couldn't get any more crazy, they they brought in a bunch of they they sort of they always do this for um seniors, right? Where they bring in people from the industry and they tell you about auditioning and they teach you that why your resume looks horrible and blah blah blah blah blah. And um, right, and they brought in a musical theater person from London to teach this like group of classical actors how to do a musical theater audition, should that never occur. And it was so hilarious. It was like, this is sheet music, and you put it in a you know, it was very, very basic.

[10:56] Kevin Ferguson: Yeah, yeah.

[10:56] Alexandra Silber: I mean, and we were all like, you know, it was it was amazing. And of course, I from Interlock in knew these things, but it was just very charming. And I I had a very huge instinct in this moment. I was like, if I take this moment seriously, my life might change. I had a just like a psychic instinct, and it did. This man, I'll never forget him. If you're listening out there, thank you to Kennedy Aitchinson.

[11:23] Alexandra Silber: He was a musician in London, a musical director and deeply embedded in the world of the West End musical theater universe. And I just remember singing for him and then singing some more and then singing something else, and he was like, "Who are you?" And I was like, "I'm Alexandra Silber, you know, and I was like, I'm five years old, you know, just completely ignorant and in the best way, you know, too green to be scared," which I think is something we definitely lose as we grow. And from that, Kennedy Aitchinson called one of the biggest casting directors in London, David Grindrod, who also changed my life, and within eight weeks, I was packing up my stuff in Glasgow, where I was in an ENESCO farce called Here Comes a Chopper, and packing up my life and moving down to the West End to open in The Woman in White, Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Woman in White, playing Laura Fairley.

I replaced Jill Pace at the Palace Theatre. I was 21 years old, and I had no idea what was going on. I was like, "Wow, the budget for this show is amazing." I had no idea what was going on. To me, it was just another role, and it all dawned on me so slowly what had happened. But before I knew it, I was living and working in musicals in the West End of London, and I ended up staying there for years. I followed The Woman in White with a two-ish year run of Fiddler on the Roof as Huddle, not as Sightel, but as Huddle in the West End. And then I played Julie Jordan in Carousel very shortly after that at the Savoy Theater in the West End. And um, so yeah, like five years there of living and working in London.

And then after Carousel, I went through a bunch of life changes. My relationship ended, the show ended, and I just thought, you know, I've never lived in America as an adult. I've never really spent significant time in New York. I was very sad about my relationship ending, so I thought, well, I could cry on my sofa in London, or I could cry on a friend's sofa in New York. And what ended up being like a 10-week ticket to Cry on the Sofa ended up being a return ticket I never used. And I was so fortunate to book some wonderful jobs that started my life in 2010 in New York, and I've been here ever since, but I've been really blessed to be able to go back and forth a lot, and London will always be my theatrical birthplace, and I owe the UK my training and my sort of like the birthplace and the adolescence of my identity as a professional actor. So that's how I came to New York was the long way.

[14:10] Kevin Ferguson: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that is the long way, but I mean, it wasn't the long way. It was a very smart way. Some people would say a detour route, but you came to the city with so much knowledge, but also felt like still a kid because you were so young.

[14:29] Alexandra Silber: Totally. And you know, one of the things that I think is deeply true about people, right? Is when I pan out and I look at it with the wide-angle lens of the story, it's interesting. When I was younger and in high school, I didn't really want to go to college in New York. I was a little scared of it. I felt I would be really swallowed by showbiz, and I felt a little too sensitive, a little too tender. And then certainly when my father died, I thought, "Oh, I think I might just be destroyed by the bigness of it." And picking a city but a slightly smaller place where I could grow but not be overwhelmed was definitely the right decision. And what's really interesting though is, you know, the story of like there and back again is one of the oldest stories in the world from the Wizard of Oz to Bilbo Baggins to Homer's Odyssey, right?

Like that you return back to where you started and you might be standing in the exact same spot, but you are so changed. And sometimes it takes a geographic journey to parallel an internal spiritual journey. And that definitely was my experience.

[15:36] Kevin Ferguson: Yeah, wow. I mean, so you know, you come back to the city, you're booking all of this work, you know. How do you know when to go back to London?

[15:48] Alexandra Silber: I mean, you liked Fiddler enough, I would imagine.

[15:51] Kevin Ferguson: I'm yeah, it's so funny. Two different characters in two different countries.

[15:56] Alexandra Silber: I did. What a blessing, too. You know, what a joy and to explore two amazing characters in the same family in the same show in totally different productions in totally different places. It was really fascinating. You know, I don't really know the answer to that, except when you do the internal work and trust that your intuition speaks up when it has something to say and to listen when it's talking to you. I had some opportunities to go back to London prior to when I actually did, and I wasn't ready. And then when I finally did return, it was yeah, I was in a different place in my life and I felt like I was able to go back on my terms. And it was actually sort of powerful. Like I said, I've been back a few times, but my pandemic experience was in London.

And I was doing Indecent by Paula Vogel, the Rebecca Tashman production that was on Broadway. It moved to London and was at the Menier Chocolate Factory. I was playing Helena, which is the track that Katrina Lenk played on Broadway. Oh, and it was an incredible experience, incredibly artistic and otherworldly in its artistry and in the company of artists I was working with. I think anyone who sees or has seen Indecent either live or in the PBS broadcast knows it's a very special story. But we only got two previews in on March 13th and 14th before the world came apart. And you know for me it was also about how do I get home? You know, how am I gonna be stuck here? You know, I think for so many of us in those first few weeks of March 2020, we were like, "What is happening and how long is this going on?

And will I just stay it out two weeks in this apartment in London?" We were all super scared and confused, and I managed to make it home. And then was able to return to London at the end of 2021 to complete that run. And it wasn't just about closing the circle on my pandemic experience, which I think a lot of us had, right? A lot of us returned to something and were like in awe that the costumes and the things and the bicycles and the coffee makers were all in the same spot, but just covered in two years of dust. You know, I think we all had a version of that, right? And that was definitely true for our company. But you know, I think everyone that went through the pandemic, but particularly artists, had an experience of like, and I put this in quotes, "Who did I go through the plane crash with?

Who did I share that plane crash with, you know?" And I think for anyone who was in a cast, the people they were in that play with will always be the people that they experienced that disaster with, and you're bonded by that disaster and that adversity. They were the people I touched base with throughout the pandemic the most, and coming back together was very powerful. But in addition, kind of going back to the original point, you know, it was an opportunity for me to return to London as a grown lady.

[19:10] Alexandra Silber: Come on, Al. I was grown. No longer a child. I was no longer green. I was no longer grieving. I was no longer hustling and confused and unformed. I felt settled in myself. I had endured and borne witness to hard things and felt like I was able to reintroduce myself to the place and also re-meet London the place as new me. And it was all very powerful. Place is a powerful thing.

[19:48] Kevin Ferguson: I mean, definitely. Time going by. I mean, and you have also experienced so much, you know, death in the family, heartbreak, and you know, now the pandemic. In that moment in the pandemic, I don't know, did you feel like you were strong enough to get through that? Did you feel like, you know, "I got this," you know, based off of all the adversity that you had gone through, or was the pandemic another layer of what is going on? Did you feel that ever? Or were you kind of scared?

[20:15] Alexandra Silber: It's a very good question. Initiation. I have found this question to be the most fascinating thing to discuss with people as we reconnect and emerge, you know. It's like, "How is your plague?" Right. How hard was it for you? And but like really, you know, and when you say you're fine, what do you mean? Okay. You know, and what reference. So I think what I will say is initially, you're right, you know, having borne adversity and endured on some level already. Initially, I felt like I was very prepared to weather the experience and to support other people as they sort of experienced their first incredibly challenging disaster. Right. I definitely felt initially that I was prepared to help and serve others.

I also will say, just like as a person, I'm people find this surprising, but I'm very introverted. I'm a homebody. Uh-huh. I have like great extrovert skills and I love people, but I recharge my batteries at home. And so I didn't feel period. I didn't feel claustrophobic. I didn't feel like, "Oh my, you know, I need people," you know. I feel like the big joke was like everybody has to check on their extroverts, you know, they're those are the people that are suffering. But I was my husband and I are both very introverted, and you know, the two of us and our kitty cat were happy as clams for a while. And I think also I took the opportunity to use it as a refresh, restart reflection point on life, and it was only as it wore on, and more than just the initial disaster itself and the death count.

Once things started getting political, once the racial reckoning started occurring, once the election and it there were so many other traumas that were stacked on top of the initial trauma that felt divisive and challenging and like points of disconnection with others. I think that was the part that I found extremely painful. And I don't think I'm alone in that. You know, I think we all had a lot of learning and unlearning to do and reckoning to do with ourselves and our histories and our teachings and our country.

[22:48] Alexandra Silber: Yeah, but you know, ultimately too incredibly profound and important, and I think we're all still in the middle of it, you know, that work is not done. But yeah, I would say that that was the stuff that was the most spiritually expensive.

[23:03] Alexandra Silber: The initial disaster, easy to bear. And then on an artistic level, I think one of the other things that I feel very blessed to have, and you didn't entirely ask this question, but I feel like you're leading me there. Like, what about artistically?

[23:20] Kevin Ferguson: Uh-huh.

[23:21] Alexandra Silber: You know, I think it's fascinating. Another thing that I acknowledge and sort of realized is that I am an actor and I am a performer, but it isn't my sole source of creative expression and creativity, which is a very different thing. I think I've always acknowledged on some level that I perform, but there is a really big difference between a performer and a creative being, and there's a lot of crossover, and I give zero, by the way, like zero shade to either side. It's just a compare and contrast. And I by which I mean I think a performer, like their dharma is their purpose in life is that they are here to share their gifts publicly with the world on stage. Like that is who they are, and when they are, it doesn't even matter what they're doing or where they're doing it, they are living their life purpose when they are up on stage sharing.

I find that very satisfying, but it is not the thing that gets me out of bed. For me, the creative part, which is like putting I which I would define as putting something in the world that was not in the world before you made the offering, is the thing that makes me tick. And like I said, there's a lot of crossover. But what was fascinating was when our stages were taken from us, I don't think I suffered and was in agony the way performers with a capital P were because I had other outlets to fulfill my life purpose. I write, I have a visual love, a visual art. I felt that I was able to access my creativity in ways that weren't specific to performance. And I didn't feel that I experienced as much suffering.

And then I also realized that there were a lot of people that were hurting. And so I took to the zoomiverse and did a lot of teaching and shared a lot of classes about accessing creativity as an important part of being a whole human being. You know, my theory being that like everyone is creative on some level. And whether you're Matisse or Leonard Bernstein or Stravinsky or Satan Boster, whether you're any of you know these knock it out of the park artistic people, or whether you're making a kick-ass birthday cake for your kids' birthday party or writing poetry in your community poetry class, like whatever it is, we put things in the world that didn't exist before we offered them all the time.

Creativity is really about divergent thinking and problem solving and looking at things in alternative ways and coming to sideways solutions, and it's one of the key things that makes us human. Making the world a better place and lifting people up is a huge part of why I think I'm on Earth. And you know, I'm not necessarily like the most rousing public speaker or the angriest political protester or whatever. I think we have to use our gifts how we can. Staying true to ourselves. We ha I those are I think that's the best advocacy we can do. It comes from the truest place.

[26:40] Kevin Ferguson: Yeah, totally. I love what you said about the performers and the creativity. I myself be in biased, I like a performer who I can see the creativity spewing out of them while they're performing. But I understand that you know you don't have to be a performer in order to be creative. And I think that pandemic definitely showed us all of that. I mean the fact that you're also a writer. You you're a playwright and you write novels. I mean you even took your character can we talk about actor Annatevia did I say that right?

[27:10] Alexandra Silber: After Anatevka, yes.

[27:12] Kevin Ferguson: Yes. Listen, I think that is so awesome because of your creativity, you were able to take these characters that you connected to and kind of make another world. Can we talk about I don't want to I don't want to explain it for you.

[27:23] Alexandra Silber: Oh my gosh, no you're you did great. Um thank you. Yes, no so you know it's really interesting I think and I and it it's very deeply connected to the conversation we were just having about I think when I was doing Fiddler in London it was the first time I was doing a run as long as that. You know, when you work in a Broadway national tour west end contract where you are playing a role for more than let's say 10 or 12 weeks but for years, months and years at a time it you become acutely aware that the creative part of acting really is at the beginning of the job. When you're in the rehearsal room and the first couple weeks of working it out on stage in front of an audience, those are where the constant flow of discoveries and creations are made.

And I don't say that to sound nihilistic. I what I mean is what takes over is your ethics with the knowledge that the people that come a year in deserve the very best you have to offer as the people that came at the beginning, that your boredom is not relevant, and that also, of course, the character, this isn't even though you've done this 500 times, the character has never lived it ever. And that ultimately all of that is both your ethic, but most importantly, your technique. And to think that your job and the character and the play, I'm putting this in quotes, owes you creative inspiration is being not only being unrealistic, but it's holding your job hostage, right? Um, and it's it's like having completely unrealistic expectations of someone you're in a relationship with.

And so what I realized very early on was if I wanted to experience creativity on a daily basis, and that was waning from my night job, I had to take my creativity into my own hands and provide it for myself.

[29:22] Alexandra Silber: And it was almost instantaneously life changing because again, I would go to work at night playing Huddle in Fiddler in London and not I put again in quotes need or require anything from her. I could bring my fully open hearted self to the job, to Huddle, to the show, and just bring myself and not need anything back and fully serve her. And the way that I did it was I started writing. I just started writing this blog that I sort of still have. I think I might be like the last human being that has a blog. I mean, but uh early naughtys, baby. But um it was, you know, it was a really beautiful time on the internet pre-social media, just at the dawn of social media, when all of this infinite space was you were able to fill it with your thoughts and ideas, press publish, not give a hoot if anyone read it or saw it.

I would have this experience of oh my gosh, these 350 words about how great Raspberry Jam is didn't exist before I put them in order, and then I press publish, and like there it is. It's up there on a page on the internet, and I can see it. It's it's almost holdable. And if I were to print it out, it would have weight. Like it's a it's a creation, and I can't express to you how powerful this was to know that I had made something, and I didn't think anyone would see it, and I didn't care. And what ended up happening was somebody did see it. You know, people did start to read it, and the the short version, the cliffs notes version, is I was so blessed to be in the position I was in to have enough people like Google me, I guess.

And people read my blog about all my silly stuff, and a literary agent that came to one of my shows sort of read my blog and said, you know, I think you have a voice and I think you have stories to tell. And her name is Louise Lamont. She changed my life.

[31:29] Alexandra Silber: And Louise.

[31:31] Kevin Ferguson: Louise, and she was the person that sort of said to me, She goes, you know, do you have any characters that haunt you that are super special to you that that you feel that you never got to totally fully see them through? And I with within seconds, I I almost burst into tears when I answered, yes, Huddle. You know, for those of you who don't know Fiddler, I'll say that Huddle is the second eldest daughter of Tevue the Dairyman and Fiddler on the Roof. And she is the daughter that falls in love with the socialist Perchik, who is in the second act of the play imprisoned and sent to a camp in Siberia. And she sings the beautiful song, Far from the Home I Love, where she talks to her father about leaving home and leaving her family to go be with this man and follow her destiny.

And I don't think I you know, again, wide angle lens, I don't think I realized at the time that, you know, when I started rehearsing that fiddler, my father had been gone for about five years, and I had definitely tabled my grieving process.

[32:35] Alexandra Silber: Wow. With, as I said earlier, this necessity, this demand of myself to become myself. I felt it was very important that I actualize, and there I was, I had done it. You know, I had fulfilled my potential, I put in quotes, and I certainly my father's and my mothers and everyone who cared about me's dreams for me on a certain level. And there I was at a point of arrival, realizing I had more work to do. And, you know, there I was as Huddle saying goodbye to my father in order to fulfill my destiny, and it didn't dawn on me until later that there was a direct parallel between an 18-year-old girl that says goodbye to her father and gets on a train to Siberia, and an 18-year-old girl that says goodbye to her father and gets on a plane to Scotland.

[33:24] Kevin Ferguson: Oh my goodness.

[33:24] Alexandra Silber: And it it just was a role that took over my soul in a way that no other character has ever before or since, really. And um, and I thought here we have this young woman, just as I said before, in a lot of ways a child, in a lot of ways a grown-up, but on the precipice of both. And what she gets on this train to go to a prison, and then like what happens to her. And as I started to research it just lightly, my imagination and my psyche and my love of this person that felt very real to me took over and a story began to emerge. And in a lot of ways, I think that like seeing through Huddle's story and assuring her okayness, you can imagine did a very similar thing for like seeing through my story and assuring my okayness.

[34:21] Alexandra Silber: And I began this really eight, nine-year journey of writing this novel that took me to literal Siberia. I went to actual Siberia to do the research. Yeah, my research. And going back to another point, you know, sometimes you have to take a giant geographic journey to marry a spiritual one within, and was able to really see out and see through this narrative that was not only important to me, but I didn't realize was so important to a lot of people. And what was so magical was I really finished the first draft of the manuscript before I booked the Broadway production of Fiddler on the Roof where I played Seidel. Wow. And what was fascinating was when I returned to the piece as a different character, you know, I was also in a different place in my life.

You know, when I played Huddle, I was a grieving girl, still trying to figure out what her life purpose was. And when I played Seidel, I really had arrived at a kind of womanhood and was thinking about very different things about partnership and motherhood and my Jewish identity and my role in my community. And it, you know, ideally suited to serve Seidel, really. And I realized as I went back into my manuscript, how harshly I, Al and Huddle, had judged Seidel. Wow. And was able to go back into the manuscript with all this new insight. And it was really like a conversation and a dialogue, not only between Huddle and Seidel, but between younger and older Al. And it was the closest thing to sort of looking into my diaries that you can get.

And I was so blessed that also because I was in that Broadway production, it definitely facilitated this story of me having had this experience. And it was sort of like the cherry on the slot machine moment of being able to sell these books. And not only did I write after Natevka, but I'd also completed a manuscript, a memoir about chronicling my father passing away, which is yes, very heavy subject material, but I hope also very funny and very life-affirming. And in a lot of ways, these two incredibly different books in terms of their genre and voice, they're deeply connected. They're first cousins, and I was able to sell both of them at the same time and share them with the world. And you're right, you know, kind of going back to the artistic outlets, yeah, it was amazing to be legitimized, but I want to just say to everyone listening: one of the great things about the arts is at every level of professionalism, you are an artist.

You know, you are a singer if you sing, you are a writer if you write, a publication, a Carnegie Hall debut, a Broadway credit does not make you more or less of any of those things. And I felt that I was living proof of that before the books were on shelves at Barnes and Noble. You know, it's the truth is like if you want to sing, sing. If you want to write, write and do it from a place of purity. And I'm not saying don't have ambitions, but I'm saying if you can fulfill something within yourself that feels satisfying, everything that happens after that is gravy.

[37:37] Kevin Ferguson: Okay. Y'all better listen to Al because she is preaching up in here. I hope y'all are listening. Turn this podcast off about it. Okay, truly. Because I think a lot of artists need to hear that too. That, you know, some of them are just like obviously have their main talent that brought them to the industry. But of course they have little side things that they're probably too scared to dibble into. But it's like come on, if you're already doing a little bit of it, you're doing it. You are.

[38:02] Alexandra Silber: Yes. Let's talk about August 8th. Okay, because that because Augustin. Okay. Listen, because I want to talk about the party that you're about to bring to Find Science 54 Below with I Wish. I Wish is a good time, y'all. But what I want to talk to Al about is how you even came up with the idea of this like sing your dream role kind of concert that you and your friends get to put on. Like, it is just you're so right. Like it is a par. It is a giant joy bomb of dreams coming true. Okay. So, you know, not disconnected from this concept of like, just do it. Right. I think we all in life have things that passed us by, right? I was sitting down one day bemoaning the fact that I have a little red riding hood inside me that will never get to professionally slay that wolf, okay?

And I have things to say about little red riding hood, and you know, I'm 5'9 and nearly 40, and it's not gonna happen, you know, and I have to mourn that dream, and that's okay, right? And if I feel that way, surely a lot of people feel that way, right? Surely a lot of people have their Mary Lennox or their role they'll never play because of race, color, gender, whatever it may be, right? You know, to me, what I Wish is about is about saying we all have wishes, we all have dreams, we all have aspirations, and sure, while we may give the world like the best Mary Lennox in our shower, right? Tonight those dreams can be actualized in this beautiful, beautiful shared public square that is 54 Below.

Yeah, and it's a redeeming night, it's a night that also teaches to me the most important thing of all, which is if you are under the impression that you are too old, that your chances passed you by, that it is too late, that it is too late to dream to love, or to dream or love again, you are wrong. It is never too late for anything, and tonight we'll prove it. And I often end with this speech, which is just, you know, my giant call to action, which is one, you know, Julia Child wasn't on television until she was 39, and Vera Wang didn't become a designer until her ice skating career ended with an injury in her 40s. And Samuel L. Jackson didn't book Pulp Fiction until his 40s. And though Angela Lansbury is a goddess among women, congrats on your lifetime achievement Tony Angela, you are my idol.

Even though she had Oscar nominations and was a Broadway star, she was not a household name on Murder She Wrote until she filmed episode one at the age of 61 years old. Wow. And it is never too late to start or to start again. Yeah. And I hope that I Wish proves not only that, but that it can be a space for a world in which we can envision that anything is possible beyond age, beyond color, beyond gender, and that it's not only a place where dreams can come true, but it's a place where a fairer and richer, more beautiful theater world can exist.

[41:24] Kevin Ferguson: Yes. And I love cabaret for this exact reason. I too I've been obsessed with cabaret since I was in college. We used to do a similar concert like this in college. One year you'll get a kick out of this. I opened the show with Tradition. Love! Love it. We did Tradition from Fiddler on the Roof, and I led it as Tevye. Tevye. Yeah, Tevye. Yeah. I felt like that was such a fun experience because it was true, a show that me, this little black gay boy, I'm not gonna be able to do Fiddler on the Roof anywhere. And I feel like that music in the choreography and the story is just so iconic. Totally. And I love musical theater so much. I was like, this is my moment to be in Fiddler on the Roof. And it's concerts like I Wish and concerts like that in college where you just really get to like play and it's just so fun, and you feel the actor on stage just having so much fun and it fills up the audience. What you're doing is fabulous.

[42:17] Alexandra Silber: Thanks. Is all I'm saying. In short. I'm so happy to hear it. And you know, these evenings, you know, we've been doing them now for years. And it was one of, you know, we're so grateful to 54 because it was also one of their live events during the pandemic where people were I wishing from their, you know, from their showers, and it was a pretty amazing thing. But one of the things that's been incredible is like while on the one hand we have Anne Harada singing Evita like a goddess, and we're all cracking up with her and just jaws on the floor about her high belting. You know, it's also about some people that are really offering very profound things to say about characters that they will never get to do a run of.

And it so it's everything from the hilarious and joyous to the really profound. Spiritual evening. Definitely, yeah. And it's an incredible evening to bear witness to the wide range of that. And it's also a chance for me to just lift up so many people I admire and some of my closest friends, and just throw a giant joy bomb love party in the middle of Manhattan.

[43:23] Kevin Ferguson: Come on. Do you have any special guests you get to talk about? Or do you know what song you're gonna do? Or are those all surprises that you keep on?

[43:30] Alexandra Silber: They're at the moment they're all surprises, but I will say that on August 8th, we have a really impressive lineup. And one of the most impressive lineups we've ever had, and I'm super excited. And I will say that I will be singing something that I have done a lot of like songs of child roles I never got to do, or this disastrous audition that went upside down, or blah blah blah blah blah. This is definitely one of my deeper offerings, and I'm really excited. I'm really excited to share it. So I please join us. It is so fun, and I hope you leave not only with beautiful music in your eyes and ears, but also with a spring in your step and a more resilient belief that you should keep going.

[44:13] Kevin Ferguson: All right. There you go. There you go, y'all. Alexandra, Alexandra Silber coming back August 8th with another installment of the fabulous I Wish Show. Please check it out. The tickets are on sale now. Al, do you have any last words? Do you have a mantra you tell the people or you tell yourself every day? What you want to leave them with today? You've already dropped so much knowledge. I just feel like we don't even deserve more knowledge from you, but I feel like you have more to give. So I want to know.

[44:40] Alexandra Silber: Oh my gosh, you are the best. I will say, dear listeners, success is not about what you do. It's about how you feel about what you do. And you gotta believe in what you're doing, and that it's not about where or how much you're making, but it's about who you're doing it with and if you believe in it.

[45:04] Kevin Ferguson: Yes.

[45:05] Alexandra Silber: Yes.

[45:06] Kevin Ferguson: Wow. Thank you, Al.

[45:07] Alexandra Silber: Thank you so much. It is a joy, it is an honor. I love all y'all at 54 Below, and I can't wait to be back soon.

[45:13] Kevin Ferguson: Yes. Again, get those tickets, Al. We'll talk soon.

[45:18] Alexandra Silber: We'll talk soon.

[45:19] Kevin Ferguson: Bye.

[45:19] Alexandra Silber: Bye.

[45:23] Kevin Ferguson: You've been listening to the 54 Below Podcast, part of the Broadway Podcast Network. Subscribe and rate us on Apple Podcast or your favorite podcast app.