This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Andrew: Gosh, what a huge disaster and everybody knew it.

[0:06] Jess: I had one job to master and I completely blew it.

[0:11] Andrew: I was so darn certain that I got this, but I'm not here.

[0:21] Jess: Would have thought how far from getting this.

[0:25] Jess: Hi.

[0:31] Andrew: Hello and welcome back to Patreon Witches.

[0:35] Jess: I am joined by a person I run into every now and then.

[0:38] Andrew: Like I see them occasionally. It's Elizabeth Eston!

[0:41] Elizabeth Eston: Hello.

[0:42] Jess: Yeah, we live right near each other, we're neighbors.

[0:45] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah, I mean I bump into you every now and then. We don't really talk. We just kind of do the white people face.

[0:50] Jess: Yeah, the awkward like meh smile. Like, hey, you exist.

[0:54] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah, we gotta address each other's existence and then move on with our lives. Um so Tangled.

[1:00] Jess: Tangled the series. Um we've got three-ish episodes because one of them is a two-parter, but we didn't want to break up the two-parter. What are we? Kind of crazy folks. But the first one, um, the way of the willow, um, has special guest star uh Jane Krakowski as the sister of Julie Bowen's uh Queen Ariana.

[1:20] Elizabeth Eston: Who's finally returned?

[1:22] Jess: Yeah, yeah. We've been focusing on Clancy Brown King Frederick for a while.

[1:26] Elizabeth Eston: Clancy Brown King Dummy.

[1:27] Jess: Uh yeah.

[1:28] Elizabeth Eston: King dummy thick.

[1:31] Jess: Yeah. I mean Alright.

[1:34] Elizabeth Eston: What happened to this episode?

[1:36] Jess: So it's it's Queen, it's Queen Julie Bowen's birthday, and there's a special like thing going on in nature.

[1:44] Elizabeth Eston: I forgot what it was called.

[1:45] Jess: Yeah, it's not happens every nine years.

[1:47] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah, apparently it only happens every once in a while, and it's uh happens to be happening the first year she's celebrating her birthday with her long-lost daughter.

[1:55] Jess: How convenient!

[1:56] Elizabeth Eston: I mean, that's fine.

[1:58] Jess: Like I know. I'm just kidding around. I get it. It's like her first birthday with her daughter. She wants to show her something that's special to her.

[2:04] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah.

[2:05] Jess: Um, but who comes in? It's her annoying little sister Willow.

[2:10] Elizabeth Eston: Oh, Willow.

[2:11] Jess: Isn't it like Willamina? Like the It's like Willow Mina or something, yeah.

[2:15] Elizabeth Eston: Something hippie-ish. Also, she doesn't wear shoes. Just like we gotta close up with their feet together.

[2:20] Jess: It's the first time in a while we've had feet close-ups, so I'm very thankful it took this long.

[2:24] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah.

[2:25] Jess: Um, so if I were to make a live-action movie, casting Julie Bowen and Jane Krakowski as sisters like going on a road trip sounds like a home run idea to me.

[2:34] Elizabeth Eston: 100% like I can already see the poster. It's great.

[2:37] Jess: Oh, yeah. It's just weird, like it's her Jane Krakowski's character has brown hair in this, and I know she's an animated character, so like it's not her actual hair color. But every Jane Krakowski I've seen her, she's blonde and a little bit dumb, which is what Willow is, but she's brunette and a little bit dumb.

[2:54] Elizabeth Eston: Well, no one else can be blonde except for a pump.

[2:57] Jess: Yeah, that's true. It's it's a brand new thing. But just to see Jane Krakowski is a blonde. It took me five solid minutes to can to put them together as a character.

[3:05] Elizabeth Eston: I did too. It was until the end, I'm like, oh yeah, that's Jane Krakowski because of the hair.

[3:10] Jess: Yeah, it was like the hair is throwing me off. Like, I st I just think of Jenna Moroni saying mu Muffin Top when I hear her hear her talk at this point. So um, so what do you think of Jane Krakowski as an actress?

[3:23] Elizabeth Eston: I love Jane Krakowski. I watched 30 Rock a long time ago. And I know Jane 30 Rock has a lot of issues. I fully acknowledge it. I'm not saying it's a perfect show, but it's one of the first shows that inspired me to pursue it pursue a life in media.

[3:38] Jess: So it did a lot to change my life.

[3:41] Elizabeth Eston: I get that. And also I forgot that we this isn't even our first time talking about Jane Krakowski on the Patreon with cheese.

[3:51] Jess: No.

[3:52] Elizabeth Eston: Shmigadoo!

[3:53] Jess: I forgot she was in Shmigadoon for two seconds.

[3:59] Elizabeth Eston: Like she shows up, like tries to cuck uh ca uh what's her name from SNL and is like, oh so I'm a Nazi and then drives off into the sunset. Most iconic Jane Krakowski thing. Um yeah, I loved her in that. Um she basically has the same vibe here where she's showing up, throwing chaos and then leaving.

[4:17] Jess: Yeah.

[4:17] Elizabeth Eston: I think I do remember the shwing a dude thing is we recorded the final episode, and two days later you texted me, all cap saying they forgot to mention the leprechaun.

[4:26] Jess: I'm really mad now.

[4:28] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah, we just saw the leprechaun in the first episode. Martin Short, leprechaun never shows up again. This is like days after we recorded it. It was out by this point. They didn't forget to mention that. You know, I like Jane Krakowski, she's very talented. Um I haven't seen a lot of her theatrical work, I will admit.

[4:46] Jess: I have not. I've seen a little bit of She Loves Me because I had to watch a news story about Jane Krakowski that include clips of it.

[4:53] Elizabeth Eston: So she's so good and she loves me. Like the way she moves her body is incredible. Like on TV, you get a vibe for like, oh yeah, she's talented. My god, she is all legs. And you she's like the reverse engineer of Kristen Chenowith, where Chris Chenowitz is so small. And Jane Krakowski is just legs for days. And then she can put them above her head and stuff. Like, if you've ever seen her in nine, it might be the most arousing thing um ever put on stage.

[5:23] Jess: Yeah, I should look into that.

[5:25] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah, um, yeah, it could turn you finally fully gay. It might do it. Might soak up like a sponge the last dribs of your heterosexuality.

[5:34] Jess: I mean, who knows what I am.

[5:36] Elizabeth Eston: So I have that same feeling. I feel like that's the new vibe where no one knows if they're gay or not.

[5:41] Jess: Yeah.

[5:42] Elizabeth Eston: You see a beautiful woman or a man, you're just like, I'm compelled.

[5:46] Jess: No, if I see a man or a woman or a they them, that is just kind to me. It's like, yeah, I'm compelled.

[5:54] Elizabeth Eston: I I want I I respect you so much.

[5:57] Jess: I respect you, and therefore I find you attractive.

[6:00] Elizabeth Eston: There's a recent SNL sketch where A Bryant was like, I played a lot of teachers, so SNL let me write this sketch about how I'm a sexy woman, and Oscar Isaac was hosting that week.

[6:10] Jess: Yeah.

[6:10] Elizabeth Eston: And there's a part where let's just like like Oscar is like Os Ada Bryant tells Oscar Isaac to sit on her lap, and Oscar Isaac sits on her lap, like, ooh, I have a big cool bona right now because I respect you so much. I'm just like someone tell me that.

[6:26] Jess: Okay.

[6:29] Elizabeth Eston: Big huge boner right now. Also, another line in that sketch is one of the best lines in it as in a recency is you're the most under 35 person I've ever met.

[6:40] Jess: And Oscar Isaac doesn't crack at any point. He's doing the weirdest accent. Look it up, it's called 80s Dream. It's wonderful. Um speaking of Oscar Isaac doing a weird accent, Moon Knight.

[6:50] Elizabeth Eston: Oh, I haven't seen Moon Knight.

[6:52] Jess: Um But have you heard his accent?

[6:54] Elizabeth Eston: No.

[6:55] Jess: I am watching a clip from Moon Knight. I know I have a ginormous, ginormous crush on Oscar Isaac. Um he's my celebrity husband. Um, but uh I have not seen Moon Knight.

[7:06] Elizabeth Eston: Here's my first choice as Batman when um Ben.

[7:09] Jess: The Batman was in production.

[7:10] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah, when I was like, you know what? I think it's time for Oscar Isaac. I think he'd be a good Batman. And obviously they went in a whole different direction, but I still think my casting would have worked.

[7:18] Jess: We got emo boy Batman, who I just want to hug.

[7:22] Elizabeth Eston: That comes on HBO Max on Monday.

[7:24] Jess: Yeah.

[7:25] Elizabeth Eston: If only it wasn't three hours.

[7:28] Jess: Um, yeah.

[7:29] Elizabeth Eston: Um that's a downer.

[7:31] Jess: Um too many endings.

[7:33] Elizabeth Eston: Too many endings. I had to pee. I had to pee really bad. And then the ending happened, and there's so much water.

[7:35] Jess: So much water.

[7:39] Elizabeth Eston: Last 20 minutes of the movie was me squirming.

[7:42] Jess: Why did you do this, Marie?

[7:44] Elizabeth Eston: You evil team person.

[7:48] Jess: You knew what you did to us.

[7:50] Elizabeth Eston: And my boyfriend looks at me and he's just like, are you okay? And I'm just like, you know what's wrong.

[7:57] Jess: As soon as the movie's over, like, do you have to go to the bathroom?

[8:00] Elizabeth Eston: And I was just like, yes, and I ran.

[8:03] Jess: I gotta go. I gotta go. I have the water of a squirrel.

[8:06] Elizabeth Eston: Um, yeah.

[8:07] Jess: Can't just like I split a water with a person. It wasn't even me drinking a large drink by myself. So um, alright, so back to the tangled.

[8:17] Elizabeth Eston: Um this episode is just run of the mill, learn your lesson, your sister's gonna annoy the fuck out of you, and that's sometimes that's how it goes.

[8:24] Jess: Yeah, I have an older sister, so I get that. Uh it broke my heart when um Rapunzel invited her on the trip with them. Like, it really did. I felt bad for Julie Bowen.

[8:34] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah, you know, like Julie Bowen has been super present, but like her character in this is really good. Like, I liked how she played it.

[8:39] Jess: Yeah.

[8:40] Elizabeth Eston: And also not to mention the annoying animal that's in this episode.

[8:43] Jess: The gremlin.

[8:45] Elizabeth Eston: No, it was called the umlouts or something, which I think is a grammar thing.

[8:49] Jess: Oulat. Um lot. Either way, it's a gremlin ripoff. If you take away its rattle, it'll become a bunch of grammatics. It'll multiply itself.

[8:56] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah.

[8:57] Jess: It's a gremlin. But you know who barely is in this episode?

[9:00] Elizabeth Eston: King Clancy Brown.

[9:01] Jess: Cassandra.

[9:01] Elizabeth Eston: No, no, he's kinda in it. That's true.

[9:03] Jess: Oh yeah, Eugene and Cassandra are barely here.

[9:06] Elizabeth Eston: No, Eugene's on the camping trip.

[9:07] Jess: Yeah, he's a big thing.

[9:08] Elizabeth Eston: Cassandra.

[9:10] Jess: Yeah, she's just not a not not this not appearing in this episode.

[9:16] Elizabeth Eston: Cassandra's disappear.

[9:17] Jess: Yeah, he was just in the last two episodes either.

[9:20] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah.

[9:20] Jess: Um I guess Eden Espinoza was busy or something.

[9:23] Elizabeth Eston: No idea. I don't know what I'm spinoza up to back in 2016 when this was recorded, presumably.

[9:29] Jess: So yeah. Um good episode. I I liked the King Cancy Black Brown um who talks to the Ulot at one point. He's like, or no, talk is the Pascal is like, I knew this trip was a bad idea.

[9:42] Elizabeth Eston: You right. And then Strongbow is just like, can I steal your stuff?

[9:48] Jess: Yeah.

[9:49] Elizabeth Eston: Strombo is still here, by the way.

[9:51] Jess: Yeah, he I am impressed at how consistent they've been with like the B characters continuing to exist in the world.

[9:57] Elizabeth Eston: Every time Strongmo shows up, I'm just like, wait, I thought he was a guest. Oh wait, I guess he's a character now. Okay.

[10:01] Jess: Yeah, he showed up like and he's just always here now.

[10:06] Elizabeth Eston: Great. He's just here.

[10:07] Jess: Honestly, he has more sexual attention with Eugene than Rapunzel does.

[10:11] Elizabeth Eston: Everyone has my sexual attention with Eugene.

[10:14] Jess: Like Rapunzel and Eugene really give me sibling energy. Like there's a part in the next episode. It's like I'm setting the woman I man I love out into danger. And I'm like, do you love him?

[10:25] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah, I mean, we saw the first movie. They have to be in love. Honestly, I they have a Kathany vibe between um between what's her name? Cassandra and Flynn. And they they should just lean into that. I fucking.

[10:40] Jess: I ship those two. Honestly, I do too. I ship him. Like, there's probably a ton of fanfiction about those two. But it's mostly Cassandra and Varian from what I've looked up.

[10:48] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah. Um Varian, fuck Varian. Um fucking Varian. He's also here in the next episode, but we're not yet. Let's talk about the next episode. I feel like we summed this one up, alright?

[10:57] Jess: Yeah, alright. This is called Queen for a day.

[11:00] Elizabeth Eston: So this is a two-parter with a lot of songs.

[11:03] Jess: Yeah, two.

[11:05] Elizabeth Eston: Hey, more than we've got before. So that's a lot for the show.

[11:08] Jess: And don't we have a reprise?

[11:10] Elizabeth Eston: Do we?

[11:10] Jess: Yeah, there's a reprise at the end.

[11:12] Elizabeth Eston: Yeah.

[11:13] Jess: There is. Jamie Jordan sings. It's a miracle. We love his singing voice.

[11:19] Elizabeth Eston: So what do we got?

[11:20] Jess: So Rapunzel's parents are going out going out for a s to a ski resort or something for their anniversary. And Rapunzel is in charge. So she has to be queen for a couple days. And Eugene's excited because he's basically the king for a couple days.

[11:34] Elizabeth Eston: Which is not true because that's not how royal lineages work. You need to be married, but anyway.

[11:39] Jess: And even then you don't get to be king. Like Prince Philip never got to be king.

[11:43] Elizabeth Eston: No, you'd be like Prince Consort or something. You'd be a consultant for the royal family. You're not a member of the family fully.

[11:50] Jess: Yeah, you don't have to be a good one. You have to be blood related. Like it's complicated, Eugene. But anyway, Rapunzel's queen for a day, and she's very overwhelmed, but then she sings a song saying that she's got this.

[12:01] Elizabeth Eston: Then she messes up a little bit, which happens the best of us.

[12:03] Jess: Yeah, she didn't even mess up real hardcore.

[12:05] Elizabeth Eston: No, it was just little stuff. Like the cats are overfed. Like and the sheep are now confused.

[12:11] Jess: Just put some put some name tags on your sheep. That's what people do in the work.

[12:16] Elizabeth Eston: It's not hard, kingdom of corona.

[12:18] Jess: Yeah.

[12:19] Elizabeth Eston: He got a virus that are overtaking.

[12:22] Jess: Meanwhile, those you remember those evil rocks from the pilot?

[12:26] Andrew: Yeah, they're back.

[12:27] Jess: They're back.

[12:28] Andrew: It's like Marion.

[12:29] Jess: They're taking over old Corota because Varian is like trying to fix it.

[12:33] Andrew: And his dad, who's played by Jonathan Banks for some reason.

[12:37] Jess: Um, I don't know why.

[12:38] Andrew: I looked it up at IMDB and I was legitimately confused.

[12:41] Jess: So wait, what what what were you confused by?

[12:45] Andrew: You broke up a little bit.

[12:46] Jess: Uh, Jonathan Banks being in this.

[12:48] Andrew: Oh yeah, he's he's just there.

[12:50] Jess: He's handsome.

[12:51] Andrew: He's he's a he's a semi-handsome dad.

[12:53] Jess: So he goes to the kingdom, he's like, instead of saying there's rocks taking over old old beer kingdom, trying not to say the name of the goddamn area.

[13:02] Andrew: It's really hard.

[13:03] Jess: Um yeah.

[13:07] Andrew: And then he and very Varian go to the king to like, hey, and then he tells a lie for some reason. Like, oh, everything's great. We have a lot of crops. Can I more land?

[13:17] Jess: The king is like, yeah.

[13:18] Andrew: And then Variant comes back in the middle of a giant smithical snowstorm, which was created by magic or something.

[13:25] Jess: Yeah, even like I mean, I like the moment where Rapunzel's like, I've never seen snow in person before. Cause yeah, it makes sense. She hasn't. She's been in a tower, 18 year. I get that. That makes sense.

[13:37] Andrew: So she's like, we're gonna have a snow day today. And then she also is like, you know what? Everyone should go home and be safe and stay warm. You know, responsible ruler things.

[13:47] Jess: And then Eugene tries to decree something and everyone ignores him because Eugene is dumb.

[13:54] Andrew: He has no power. Also, this is a weird thing to say, but I love their winter outfits. They're all very cute. I love how Eugene has like the flop over hat. Like most people with the big flop over hats. I like those.

[14:05] Jess: But also, just people are there. Strongbow is also there. Like, Bribo's here, he's still here. Uh Cassandra is back for a little bit.

[14:12] Andrew: Sandra has like three lines, just saying a lot considering she has and she sings.

[14:17] Jess: Yeah. She sings like two lines. She's here. Sound just back. Because you can't have Varian back and not have Cassandra back.

[14:25] Andrew: Even though they know scenes together. I'm sure there's still fan fiction about that episode where there's a scene where they meet up somehow.

[14:31] Jess: And he tongue punches her fart box.

[14:34] Andrew: Probably. Fanfic rule 34, everybody.

[14:38] Jess: Yeah, where's our fan fiction? Aren't you supposed to be writing it, patrons? Just someone write tangled Lady Kate and Jess fan fiction.

[14:45] Andrew: And then Liz is also there. Very Cassandra style. I'm prison.

[14:50] Jess: And then Pascal shows up and annoys Jess because he hates Pascal, and I like Pascal.

[14:55] Andrew: Um Captain Pascal's a murderer.

[14:57] Jess: I like Pascal. Just let that go.

[15:00] Andrew: I don't care if he's a murderer. He really killed a snake.

[15:03] Jess: He killed a woman.

[15:04] Andrew: Who did he kill?

[15:05] Jess: Oh, Mother Gothel, right?

[15:07] Andrew: I think she deserved to die.

[15:09] Jess: A lot of folks deserve to die.

[15:11] Andrew: She deserved to die. She was being evil and trapped to kidnap the baby, remember?

[15:17] Jess: She didn't want to kidnap the baby. She just wanted the hair.

[15:20] Andrew: But she kidnapped a baby.

[15:23] Jess: I guess. I know she's voiced by Donna Murphy, and it's canceling out that she's evil for you. But remember, she's evil.

[15:31] Andrew: She's also really hot, too.

[15:32] Jess: Yeah, she has the one of the best villain songs in Disney history.

[15:35] Andrew: Yeah. Mommy, sorry, mommy. Sorry. Mother knows best.

[15:41] Jess: Um don't make it a mommy song.

[15:44] Andrew: Mommy knows best.

[15:45] Jess: Oh god, no. Get the Nami Milkers out, Donna Murphy.

[15:49] Andrew: Donna Murphy, I'm sorry. You're not listening to this at all.

[15:53] Jess: No, she's definitely on the Patreon. Come on, she's like the $20 level.

[15:56] Andrew: Oh, really? Why has she been on your show?

[15:58] Jess: Oh, she just doesn't want the attention, you know.

[16:01] Andrew: Ah, she was staying underground. I wonder secret Discord name.

[16:06] Jess: Not Donna Murphy.

[16:08] Andrew: Donna Murphy Stan is like she has a fan account that's just pictures of herself.

[16:14] Jess: And then you try to image trace the image of Donna Murphy, and it literally has no recollection, so it had to have been taken that day by her.

[16:22] Andrew: She took it fresh.

[16:27] Jess: Donna Murphy is a painter.

[16:29] Andrew: Just Donna Murphy having her own stand page. Maybe Laura Bonatti's also a patron and we don't know.

[16:34] Jess: Who knows? Um, no, no, she wouldn't.

[16:36] Andrew: She wouldn't. I'm kidding. Um, Donna Murphy, maybe, but come on. She's too busy being on the Gilded Age, which is a show that exists.

[16:45] Jess: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we'll do that after this.

[16:48] Andrew: Oh god. They're promising more Tony and nominated people the next season.

[16:54] Jess: Just you want to cause me pain.

[16:56] Andrew: You haven't watched it yet.

[16:58] Jess: I know, but I hate these types of shows.

[17:01] Andrew: Yeah, and you did you have to do press for it and act like you loved it?

[17:05] Jess: That's true. You had to act like you loved it. That was this is never going out in public.

[17:10] Andrew: No, watch me do it. Watch me go out in public. Like, it'll be a year or two from now. So people are like, what was the gilded age? Everyone forgot.

[17:22] Jess: Um, either way, the snow Max tries to save the king and queen, but their cage cradle, whatever the fuck is killed.

[17:30] Andrew: The character the carriage.

[17:32] Jess: Tumbly dumbly off the fucking way. And then it goes into it goes falls flat onto part of a snowbank somehow.

[17:39] Andrew: And they're fine. Except for the king has like a fucked up ankle.

[17:42] Jess: Yeah. Pretty good. There's a lot of tenseness in this episode. Like I know everyone's gonna live because a better sequel to Tangled than Frozen 2 is a sequel to Frozen.

[17:54] Andrew: This is such a good sequel to Frozen 2. This is just a better sequel to Frozen, but we can just say that Elsa did this.

[18:01] Jess: This is Elsa's fault.

[18:02] Andrew: Elsa Cosmos. What if this is just the repercussions of her doing what she did in um um her town?

[18:08] Jess: Arundel already.

[18:10] Andrew: That's true. They do exist in the same universe.

[18:11] Jess: Yeah, because she was at the wedding with the tangled uh Eugene and Ronzo are at the wedding.

[18:16] Andrew: Well then that adds even more complications because she had her short hair then.

[18:21] Jess: When did it happen? Look, the timeline of the tangled series makes no sense. It's fine.

[18:26] Andrew: Wait, is this just like what happens when Elsa's on her menstrual cycle and just kind of spits out?

[18:32] Jess: No, no, that's not how that works.

[18:34] Andrew: Uh can't confirm.

[18:36] Jess: Oh, so you you have frozen powers and also I I don't, but I am a cisgendered woman, so um I can't confirm that it's not how the menstrual cycle works.

[18:47] Andrew: I'm just saying like her emotions get all out of whack, and so then she's like, oh, but by the end of Frozen 1, it's all in control. In Frozen 2, it's only out of control at times, I think.

[18:56] Jess: I haven't seen Frozen 2. It looked boring.

[18:58] Andrew: It is boring. It's a film I know our good friend Hex um loves Frozen 2.

[19:03] Jess: Yeah, Hex does love Frozen 2. Um, it is a terrible film that I as an adult who has watched it three times still do not understand. Um however, I don't understand how they expected children to get it.

[19:16] Andrew: I get why people like it. Like I get why people like Hex and various other people like it. I I get it. People are compelled by the characters and stuff, but like I was semi compelled by Frozen, and but not enough to want a sequel.

[19:28] Jess: I see, I think that sequel was necessary in a way, because I want Elsa to have a girlfriend.

[19:33] Andrew: And then I only want Ellison to have a girlfriend. That's why I wanted a sequel. I wanted a lesbian love story in an animated Disney musical.

[19:40] Jess: But I don't think it's ever gonna happen.

[19:42] Andrew: So not this week. Not now. Maybe in a couple years.

[19:49] Jess: So now Rapunzel has to decide what what should she do about everything going on.

[19:56] Andrew: Yeah, there's a giant snowstorm. Their parents are missing. And she's like, I make a promise that I will help you through this crisis.

[20:06] Jess: And then it's like bitch now.

[20:08] Andrew: Yeah. That's basically the scene. It's just like I will help you. You need to help me. I'm a little busy, Varian.

[20:14] Jess: Um I think you're like 12.

[20:18] Andrew: I don't know how old you are, Varian.

[20:19] Jess: So Or he's just short. He's a short kid. I don't know how old Varian is. He's an angels being Varian.

[20:26] Andrew: Yeah. So he's also in love with Cassandra. Also, Varian's dad is currently being encased in these magical rocks.

[20:33] Jess: Yep, because as this is happening.

[20:35] Andrew: Yeah. And he's writing a note to his son.

[20:38] Jess: Which gets encased in the magical rocks.

[20:41] Andrew: Varian fault.

[20:41] Jess: He did it.

[20:42] Andrew: He did it. It was his fault.

[20:43] Jess: Yeah, Varian caused a chemical reaction to Case's own father.

[20:46] Andrew: Yeah. Because he's doing alchemy.

[20:48] Jess: I mean science. I mean magic. I mean we're the fuck Varian is.

[20:52] Andrew: Yeah. Um, so villain origin story. We'll get back to that later.

[20:57] Jess: Um Flynn and all our get ragtag bunch of freaks go out to try to save the king and queen.

[21:04] Andrew: Um and they do, basically.

[21:05] Jess: Yeah, they save him pretty smoothly.

[21:07] Andrew: Yeah, it was a surprisingly little little speed bumps going in there.

[21:11] Jess: Yeah, Clancy Brown nearly dies 'cause he's like slips.

[21:14] Andrew: Yeah, but no one really thought he was gonna die.

[21:16] Jess: No, no one's gonna die. But I I just wish there was like a scene at the end where like the king goes up to Eugene and is like, thank you for saving me. And it's like maybe like, hey, if you ever want to marry my daughter, you should go for it.

[21:29] Andrew: Um stuff something like that.

[21:31] Jess: No, no, nothing.

[21:32] Andrew: I I don't think so. He'd be like, hey, thanks for not messing that up.

[21:37] Jess: That would be the kind of backhanded comment.

[21:39] Andrew: Yeah, that'd be the kind of shit he would because he's a toxic dad.

[21:44] Jess: Helicopter parenting is bad. Just let your kids fuck who they wanna fuck.

[21:50] Andrew: But teach them proper sex education so they don't get pregnant or STDs.

[21:56] Jess: There we go.

[21:57] Andrew: There we go. I was wondering where that was going. I was like, you do not mention safe sex.

[22:02] Jess: But you know what? Maybe don't force them to have the doors open every time they're over at your house. It kind of feels like you wanna watch them have sex at that point.

[22:12] Andrew: Are you projecting?

[22:14] Jess: No, but it is stuff I hear about.

[22:16] Andrew: Yeah. I didn't date in high school, so I never had this problem.

[22:19] Jess: Okay, you guys can go into your room but keep the door open.

[22:22] Andrew: I'm like, By the time I started dating, I was in college. I could close my door.

[22:28] Jess: Yeah. Strange, strange, strange.

[22:32] Andrew: Strange.

[22:32] Jess: I don't know. I feel like it's so weird when parents like really like monitor their kids' sex life.

[22:38] Andrew: I because as someone that doesn't plan to be a dad, if I were a dad, the last thing I'd want to be is involved in my kid's sex life.

[22:46] Jess: Like, I don't I am very like, I don't know about children in my down down the line because you know, I don't know what the fuck's going on, it's gonna go off my life. But like, if I did have a kid or adopted a kid, I wouldn't be like constantly checking in on what's going on in their personal life, but just be like, do you have a friend over? Are you gonna go hang on in your room? Okay, just be safe, okay?

[23:05] Andrew: Yeah, I uh I think the most I would do is I would put condoms in their Christmas stockings as a joke, and then they just have them.

[23:13] Jess: My sister my uh my sister was an RA in college and she had a bowl outside of the room that she stayed in and she put a sign about called candy and condoms.

[23:22] Andrew: And she's very proud of that pun.

[23:25] Jess: Was uh yeah. Um either way, where are condom kids?

[23:28] Andrew: Um children.

[23:30] Jess: Children.

[23:33] Andrew: If you la be have safe sex, everybody.

[23:37] Jess: Yeah, have sex children.

[23:40] Andrew: Just have safe sex.

[23:41] Jess: If you want to have sex, be safe. Summary.

[23:44] Andrew: Yeah, yeah.

[23:45] Jess: And maybe maybe make sure you know the guy.

[23:50] Andrew: Yeah.

[23:51] Jess: If you want that, that's fine. I respect your choices. Just still be safe no matter what.

[23:55] Andrew: So yeah. Your first time can happen whenever you want to.

[24:00] Jess: Oh god. I'm the mom, she's the dad, we're your platonic parents, so I am wearing a flannel, so yeah, and I I I um what do moms wear?

[24:02] Andrew: I am wearing a nighty.

[24:12] Jess: Yes, he's wearing a 90, I guess. I'm wearing a long nightgown that looks like a Victorian child.

[24:18] Andrew: Yeah, it's it's giving weird, uncomfortable energy.

[24:21] Jess: Yeah, I'm also holding a candle, but like one of the ones that also has like a handle.

[24:25] Andrew: Yeah, he's been holding this candle the whole time. I don't know. The wax is dripping down my hand.

[24:29] Jess: Like it's burning a little bit.

[24:32] Andrew: The thing he does for art.

[24:34] Jess: Yeah, you gotta do it to be the mom of the house.

[24:37] Andrew: These are the things the mom has to do.

[24:39] Jess: And I just have to drink too much coffee.

[24:41] Andrew: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[24:43] Andrew: Um, so Varian doesn't get help from Rapunzel.

[24:46] Andrew: I didn't understand why she, he didn't like her thing was like we wait till my parents get back, and then now they're back, and I guess he just didn't get help.

[24:54] Andrew: Yeah, I think he villain origin story.

[24:54] Jess: Villain origin story.

[25:00] Andrew: Jeremy Jordan's gonna be evil, guys.

[25:02] Jess: Yeah, just like in Adam Walker's Um Terry Town, Jeremy Jordan is evil.

[25:08] Andrew: It's the all these episodes are connected.

[25:10] Jess: It's all connected.

[25:11] Andrew: Like somehow we're getting back to shit.

[25:13] Jess: Somehow Adam Walker will get mentioned.

[25:16] Andrew: No matter what, Adam Walker is the king of kings.

[25:19] Jess: He is.

[25:20] Andrew: He really is though.

[25:21] Jess: All right.

[25:24] Andrew: Yes.

[25:24] Jess: Um I gotta get the king.

[25:25] Andrew: But there's also songs.

[25:26] Jess: Yes, we gotta talk about the song.

[25:28] Andrew: So she has the song.

[25:29] Jess: Um, I got this, right?

[25:31] Andrew: Yeah, I've got this.

[25:32] Jess: Yeah, I've got I I got the same chick.

[25:35] Andrew: It's like it's like the song in from the first movie where she's listing things that happened, but it's better.

[25:40] Jess: Yeah, it's better, and it's got more at stake, to be honest.

[25:44] Andrew: Yeah, like the kingdom is complaining, and then she tries to fix it, and she's like, Yeah, that's good, and then the next day they come back, just like, but Rapunzel, all the problems are still here.

[25:52] Jess: Um, yeah, and then you've got Let Me Make You Proud and the Reprise, um, which are Jeremy Jordan's songs, where he's just gonna be.

[26:02] Andrew: Yeah, but also it feels very similar to Proud of Your Boy, which was a cut song from Aladdin, but then the The Proud Boys then brought made it their title because they Yeah, that's a real thing.

[26:15] Jess: They got that from an Alan Menken Howard Ashman song, The Proud Boys from.

[26:20] Andrew: Are you fucking No?

[26:22] Jess: Go to Wikipedia.

[26:23] Andrew: I need you to see this and like see this for yourself.

[26:26] Jess: Google.

[26:27] Andrew: My mouse is very loud, and so is my keyboard.

[26:28] Jess: So I apologize for your audio mixing later on.

[26:32] Andrew: What audio mixing.

[26:33] Jess: That's true.

[26:34] Andrew: Oh my god, they got it from Proud of Your Boy from Aladdin.

[26:37] Jess: Isn't that crazy?

[26:38] Andrew: Isn't that the most insane shit?

[26:40] Jess: Like, I tell people that they think it I make it up.

[26:43] Andrew: They are like, no, Jess, that's stupid.

[26:45] Jess: I'm like, yeah, it's stupid.

[26:46] Andrew: Google it, fucker.

[26:49] Jess: It's really this is really ironic considering what these types of people are not doing when they talk about Disney.

[26:54] Andrew: So they're calling Disney just a bunch of stuff I'm not gonna say.

[26:57] Jess: Groomers, like I I don't think people know what that word means.

[27:01] Andrew: No, they don't.

[27:02] Jess: It's like how people don't know what gaslight means.

[27:05] Andrew: Yeah.

[27:05] Jess: And they just throw it on everything.

[27:07] Andrew: One of my favorite things about Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, I was watching the bloopers.

[27:13] Jess: When you told me that this was happening, that was ghost lighting.

[27:19] Andrew: I think you mean gaslighting.

[27:20] Jess: See, there it is.

[27:22] Andrew: Was that Vincent Rodriguez the thing?

[27:24] Jess: Yeah.

[27:24] Andrew: Yeah.

[27:25] Jess: I don't know if that was improv or a different variation of the script, but that was very funny.

[27:30] Andrew: I I used to watch the bloopers all the time.

[27:32] Jess: I still do.

[27:33] Andrew: Those bloopers are great.

[27:34] Jess: Especially it's see the season two blooper where she gets the bank over and her hair is falling out, and they cut they show you the reverse angle of some dude just standing behind Rachel Bloom throwing hair at Donna.

[27:46] Andrew: Um yeah, that was the Prop Master.

[27:48] Jess: He was the star of all four of those season bloopers.

[27:51] Andrew: Yeah, they live it.

[27:52] Jess: If you read the description, he's the top person.

[27:54] Andrew: Rachel Bloom list is a prevalent person in the bloopers.

[27:58] Jess: Um heart agree, it's beautiful.

[28:00] Andrew: Um, I love Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

[28:02] Jess: We should just do that, but I should just watched that instead of the Gilded Age.

[28:07] Andrew: But we love garbage.

[28:09] Jess: I know, but I like quality.

[28:11] Andrew: Yeah, we got three seasons of Tangled to get through.

[28:14] Jess: That's true.

[28:15] Andrew: I will say we chug through season one pretty well.

[28:17] Jess: We did.

[28:18] Andrew: We're chugging.

[28:18] Jess: It helped that two episodes are taken care of very quickly.

[28:22] Andrew: Yes.

[28:23] Jess: Um, well uh Let Me Make You Proud was a good song.

[28:27] Andrew: Yeah.

[28:28] Jess: It's I've got this is also a good song.

[28:30] Andrew: Yeah, Alan Menken, good songwriter.

[28:32] Jess: You know, it's a good songwriter, controversial opinion.

[28:35] Andrew: Yeah, a guy who has too many Oscars so much that the Oscar said he's not allowed to be nominated anymore.

[28:40] Jess: Um yeah, he might be a pretty good good songwriter if you think about it.

[28:45] Andrew: Yeah.

[28:45] Jess: You ever wonder why Disney's not hiring Alan Menken to write songs anymore?

[28:49] Andrew: That's why.

[28:50] Jess: More Oscars.

[28:51] Andrew: Let's just hire Lynn. Let's have him write all the songs ever.

[28:54] Jess: Well, he's he's yet to win them an Oscar, so I know, but he got close.

[28:57] Andrew: Um Billy Eilish, a literal infant, beat him.

[29:01] Jess: Bond themes always win.

[29:03] Andrew: I don't even like the Bond themes.

[29:05] Jess: Bond themes are never good, but they always fucking win.

[29:07] Andrew: Um Live and Let Die is the only good Bond theme.

[29:10] Jess: Oh, Lemon Die is a great Bond theme.

[29:11] Andrew: Yeah, because Paul McCartney is much more than just you know a flash in the pants songwriter.

[29:16] Jess: Also, that song is just good outside of itself.

[29:18] Andrew: It doesn't sound like a Bond theme, it sounds just like a really cool song.

[29:22] Jess: Blip blah blip!

[29:23] Andrew: Blip blah blip.

[29:25] Jess: I played it in band once.

[29:26] Andrew: I was not good.

[29:27] Jess: Oh god.

[29:28] Andrew: Um, what are your overall thoughts on these episodes and your cheese rating?

[29:32] Jess: Uh I like both these episodes.

[29:33] Andrew: I mean, I love me some Jane Krakowski, so I love her.

[29:36] Jess: Uh and next episode it's it's the action's good.

[29:39] Andrew: It's all it's very tense.

[29:40] Jess: Yeah, it's very it's better tangled sequel than it's really a good frozen sequel.

[29:46] Andrew: Yeah, it's a really good frozen sequel.

[29:48] Jess: Yeah, even Pascal almost dies.

[29:50] Andrew: So yeah.

[29:50] Jess: Oh fuck, yeah, I forgot.

[29:52] Andrew: Like, the tiny wizard almost dies.

[29:55] Jess: Yeah, and that's the only thought person I thought would die.

[29:58] Andrew: Pascal?

[29:59] Jess: Yeah.

[30:00] Andrew: It would be great if they would actually kill someone by the end of the show.

[30:03] Jess: Like someone important, like Eugene.

[30:06] Andrew: And we don't explain why he gets married later.

[30:08] Jess: Just a body count.

[30:09] Andrew: He's a ghost.

[30:11] Jess: She brings him back to life with her hair.

[30:13] Andrew: Yeah, with her crying again.

[30:15] Jess: It wasn't her hair, it was her tears.

[30:17] Andrew: Wait, in the frozen short where they get married, does she have the golden hair or the dark brown hair?

[30:17] Jess: Brown hair.

[30:23] Andrew: So this takes place in between, so she will get her brown hair back.

[30:26] Jess: That's interesting.

[30:27] Andrew: Yeah, because she has short hair in the tangled short.

[30:30] Jess: I I like her better with the brown hair just because I like brunettes better in general aesthetically, which brunettes, but I'm a brunette, so yeah.

[30:38] Andrew: Um and also I just think the pixie cut worked better and the long hair just looks unwieldy and uncomfortable.

[30:43] Jess: Yeah, like it must be hard to animate.

[30:45] Andrew: Like, what are the physics of a giant braid on someone's back?

[30:49] Jess: Yeah.

[30:49] Andrew: I mean, you make it once and then you can just fucking puppet rig it.

[30:52] Jess: Yeah, but like you have to think about the physics of that.

[30:54] Andrew: Like, how does it go?

[30:57] Jess: I do want to say the animation really felt stepped up in the Queen for a Day thing where the facial like when Rapunzel thinks Pascal's dead, her face.

[31:05] Andrew: I I actually freeze-framed it like heartbroken.

[31:09] Jess: Yeah, it was great.

[31:10] Andrew: Like that's when I was sad.

[31:11] Jess: I was just like, wait, is he actually gonna die?

[31:14] Andrew: Man, I wish this Disney TV show for babies would kill people.

[31:20] Jess: Oh god.

[31:21] Andrew: That's how I felt when I watched Liv and Maddie, too.

[31:26] Jess: People die in Liv and Maddie.

[31:28] Andrew: It's a sick call about twins in high school.

[31:30] Jess: I want one of the twins to die and then are to deal with the emotional trauma of having half of her taken away.

[31:36] Andrew: Oh god.

[31:37] Jess: Don't put Dove Cameron through that.

[31:39] Andrew: I I think that's a good pitch.

[31:41] Jess: Um, have you ever seen Hereafter starting Matt Damon, uh Quinn Eastwood film?

[31:46] Andrew: No.

[31:47] Jess: God, it's so weird.

[31:48] Andrew: So Matt Damon can talk to the dead, and like he's just kind of a B character, and other people walk in.

[31:54] Jess: Like, he's got this crush thing with Bryce Dallas Howard.

[31:57] Andrew: Um, and she he's like, Yeah, I got this thing where I can talk to dead people.

[32:02] Jess: She's like, try it on me.

[32:04] Andrew: And it's like the most sure thing I've ever seen in a movie where she's like so into him, and then he tells her some horrible trauma about what her dad did to her, and then she just leaves him forever.

[32:14] Jess: Oh god.

[32:15] Andrew: Oh, Hereafter is one word.

[32:17] Jess: Okay.

[32:17] Andrew: Yeah.

[32:18] Jess: Oh, it's 2010.

[32:19] Andrew: Yeah, I saw this in theaters.

[32:21] Jess: There was nothing else.

[32:21] Andrew: I wanted to see a movie.

[32:23] Jess: Um, has a really cool flood scene at the beginning.

[32:25] Andrew: I've seen this poster.

[32:27] Jess: Oh, I didn't watch the movie.

[32:30] Andrew: But there is a twin in there, and the final like build up of the scenes is him, the little boy twin coming to meet Matt Damon and talk to his twin brother again.

[32:40] Jess: Amazing.

[32:41] Andrew: Yeah, amazing.

[32:42] Jess: And I'm like, that's that's what we need for Livin' Maddie.

[32:45] Andrew: He's a reluctant psychic.

[32:47] Jess: Okay, reluctant psychic.

[32:48] Andrew: That's that would have been a better title than Hereafter.

[32:51] Jess: Reluctant Psychic.

[32:52] Andrew: I would have seen that.

[32:53] Jess: Yeah, that seems sounds like a fun night movie.

[32:56] Andrew: That looks like it's like a bad sitcom though.

[32:58] Jess: The reluctant psychic.

[33:00] Andrew: Oh, I guess I'll solve this mystery.

[33:02] Jess: Well, I guess I'll solve the murder.

[33:05] Andrew: Isn't that kind of like pushing daisies?

[33:06] Jess: A reluctant psychic.

[33:09] Andrew: A reluctant dead person.

[33:11] Jess: Speak speak to dead person person.

[33:14] Andrew: Uh yeah.

[33:14] Jess: Pushing daisies had like the best premise on the planet.

[33:18] Andrew: And I feel bad that the writer's strike caused it to be cancelled.

[33:21] Jess: Yeah, it was such a good show.

[33:22] Andrew: Kristen Chenoweth again.

[33:23] Jess: Raul Esparza.

[33:25] Andrew: Rahul.

[33:26] Jess: Oh right.

[33:27] Andrew: Alright, what's your cheese rating on these two episodes?

[33:29] Jess: Uh I'm gonna give episode 15 a cheese muffin.

[33:33] Andrew: Ooh!

[33:34] Jess: Ooh!

[33:35] Jess: Because muffin tops are all that whole grain low fat.

[33:38] Andrew: Um I just want to dance.

[33:41] Jess: Uh I'm gonna give 16 episode 16 slash episode 17 if you go on Disney Plus.

[33:48] Andrew: It's very confusing.

[33:50] Jess: Uh I'm gonna give that one.

[33:52] Andrew: I'm gonna give that frozen cheese.

[33:55] Jess: Ooh.

[33:56] Andrew: Just cheese that you kept in the freezer.

[33:58] Jess: Yeah, you kept it in too long and it got real frozen.

[34:00] Andrew: You can't eat it though.

[34:01] Jess: Yeah, you gotta wait for it to thaw a little bit.

[34:03] Andrew: It's gonna be a little watery when it thaws.

[34:05] Jess: You can just melt it.

[34:06] Andrew: It's fine.

[34:06] Jess: Um, yeah, that's fair.

[34:08] Andrew: Um, what would I give the first one?

[34:12] Jess: I guess I'm gonna I wanna give it a muffin top too.

[34:15] Andrew: Um but maybe I should do something more original.

[34:20] Jess: Um you can give it a cheese corn muffin.

[34:23] Andrew: What was she in Kimmy Schmidt?

[34:25] Jess: Is there anything I can tie back to Kimmy Schmidt?

[34:28] Andrew: Uh anyone remember that show?

[34:31] Jess: She was a secret native American, so maybe not.

[34:35] Andrew: Um maybe not.

[34:38] Jess: Do this Dooshmigadon connection.

[34:40] Andrew: Do that one.

[34:41] Jess: Um, I'm just gonna give it like a slice of regular cheddar cheese, because fuck.

[34:46] Andrew: It was a good R this alright episode, you know, it's fine.

[34:50] Jess: And for Queen for a Day, I'm giving it a beautiful charcuterie board made at the cheese queen 412.

[34:57] Andrew: Is that another Michigan thing?

[34:58] Jess: No, it's just a cheese queen.

[35:00] Andrew: Ah, amazing.

[35:01] Jess: And she was queen for a day.

[35:03] Andrew: She was not the cheese queen for a day, sadly enough.

[35:06] Jess: No.

[35:06] Andrew: Who is the cheese queen?

[35:07] Jess: Um, the cheese queen is probably Jenna Maroney.

[35:11] Andrew: Probably.

[35:12] Jess: Uh that show has been.

[35:16] Andrew: Yeah.

[35:16] Jess: Not Jane Krakowski, Jen Maroney.

[35:18] Andrew: Janet Jopler.

[35:20] Jess: Janet J.

[35:21] Andrew: Janet Jump.

[35:22] Jess: Yeah, Janet Jopler.

[35:25] Andrew: Yeah, the rural juror.

[35:28] Jess: The rural juror.

[35:30] Andrew: I I know my 30 Rock quotes.

[35:34] Jess: Stop hey fives, stop talking.

[35:36] Andrew: A 10 is speaking.

[35:39] Jess: Alright.

[35:40] Andrew: We'll see you next time on Patreon, which cheese.

[35:44] Jess: Bye-bye.

[35:45] Andrew: I got the wind in my hair at the song of my heart.

[35:49] Jess: God damn it, Jess.

[35:50] Andrew: You're gonna suck my head for a day again.

[35:52] Jess: Oh well.

[35:54] Andrew: I got my session.

[35:56] Jess: Open map!

[35:57] Andrew: I never get sick.

[35:59] Jess: It does as soon as it plays at the end of the episode.

[36:02] Andrew: And I remember because I forget it exists until the end of the episode comes, and I'm like, oh shit, yeah, that's what party in the USA, but not party in the USA.

[36:10] Jess: Godens of all right, bye.

[36:13] Andrew: Bye.

[36:14] Jess: Know that I've disappointed you.

[36:16] Andrew: Still though, whatever it takes.

[36:20] Jess: I'm gonna fix it.

[36:21] Andrew: Just watch me.

[36:23] Jess: Just you wait.

[36:26] Andrew: I'll make it up to you.

[36:28] Jess: If it's the last thing I ever do, I will make you proud.

[36:28] Andrew: I will make you a faith in me.

[36:39] Jess: I will prove that the way I used to be is all in the past.

[36:46] Andrew: I'll save the day.

[36:49] Jess: And come back here triumphantly.

[36:52] Andrew: Cause I long more than look I'm surprised when you see your sun rising at less bright in your eyes when you see your sun rising and lay