This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Unknown speaker: Hello and thank you for inviting me into your ears.

[0:03] Unknown speaker: The following podcast is a benefit for the Actors Fund and Broadway Cares COVID-19 Emergency Assistance Fund.

[0:09] Unknown speaker: To donate, please visit www.broadwaycares.org slash help2020.

[0:16] Unknown speaker: And if you don't, I'll come to your house.

[0:19] Unknown speaker: Dracula, a Comedy of Terrors, is brought to you by the Actors Fund, Broadway Cares, and blood.

[0:29] Unknown speaker: Blood.

[0:30] Unknown speaker: It's in all of us.

[0:35] Unknown speaker: Gentle listener, the terrifying adventures of Count Dracula, Lucy Westfelt, and Jonathan Harker will begin in just a moment.

[0:44] Unknown speaker: But first, a word of warning.

[0:47] Unknown speaker: During the podcast, should you feel the uneasy sensation of hot breath upon your neck, and your blood pressure begins to rise, and you did not have the foresight to purchase in advance a wreath of garlic, a vial of holy water, or a sensible turtleneck, please notify a health care professional immediately, and they will pray for your eternal soul.

[1:15] Unknown speaker: October the 5th, 1897.

[1:18] Jonathan Harker: Dearest Lucy, apologies for my unsteady penmanship. I write to you from inside of a carriage en route to my client's home in the mountains of Transylvania.

[1:27] Jonathan Harker: Excuse me, sir?

[1:28] Driver: Yes, driver?

[1:30] Jonathan Harker: What was that address again?

[1:32] Driver: Uh, let's see here. It looks like there's not so much an address as a map. Can you read this?

[1:39] Driver: I must to keep my eyes on the road. This area is treacherous, especially at night. The Carpathian Mountains are known for their steep cliffs and man-eating wolves.

[1:50] Jonathan Harker: I'm sorry?

[1:51] Driver: You're right. Person-eating wolves.

[1:53] Jonathan Harker: Are we in danger?

[1:56] Driver: In this part of the world, danger is never far from your front drawbridge. But I'm sure you'll be fine. It's only eleven. The wolves don't come out until after midnight.

[2:13] Jonathan Harker: Huh. I guess my watch is broken.

[2:16] Jonathan Harker: Oh, oh, this is, this is not good. We certainly wouldn't want to be stranded around here. Not on the porcupines. People in this region tend to mysteriously disappear. They call it the Devil's Rhombus.

[2:32] Jonathan Harker: Are they alright? The horses?

[2:34] Driver: Oh, yes. I've trained them to punctuate my lines for dramatic effect. Sometimes they overdo it.

[2:43] Jonathan Harker: Well, I hope they've enough strength for the remainder of the journey, because I've got to get to the castle.

[2:49] Jonathan Harker: The castle?

[2:50] Jonathan Harker: I have urgent business with Count Dracula.

[2:53] Driver: Count Dracula?

[2:55] Jonathan Harker: Yes. I must have these papers signed and return to England post-haste. I'm soon to be married.

[3:00] Driver: Sir, you do not understand.

[3:02] Jonathan Harker: Oh, I understand completely. They say marriage changes everything for a chap, but not me. I've been preparing to be married my entire life. I make daily schedules, clean compulsively, and adore being taken for granted.

[3:16] Driver: Mr. Harker, I beg of you, heed my warning. For the sake of your betrothed, do not enter that wretched castle.

[3:24] Jonathan Harker: Can't be that bad. I can find something nice to say about any home. I'm a real estate broker.

[3:30] Driver: Then I can only wish you the best of luck, and my condolences to your bride.

[3:37] Jonathan Harker: Why have the horses stopped?

[3:38] Driver: They sense danger. You will have to walk the rest of the way.

[3:42] Jonathan Harker: Walk?

[3:43] Driver: It's not far. You'll probably make it.

[3:47] Jonathan Harker: But what about the wolves?

[3:49] Driver: Try this.

[3:51] Driver: A bag of garlic? From the farmer's market in Bucharest. God be with you, sir. And please, remember to give me five stars.

[4:02] Jonathan Harker: Jonathan Harker made his way through the Carpathian woods, where he could see the glow of yellow eyes through the trees, staring at him hungrily, growling with menace. He was terrified, like Margaret Thatcher at a dental convention.

[4:20] Jonathan Harker: Just as the wolves were poised to attack...

[4:23] Jonathan Harker: Poor doggy! Poor doggy! Who's a poor doggy? How about some fresh garlic, then?

[4:33] Jonathan Harker: Don't you want any? It's from the farmer's market!

[4:37] Jonathan Harker: Huh. How queer.

[4:39] Jonathan Harker: How queer. With the path cleared, he made his way to the front door of a vast ruined castle with tall black windows, whose broken battlements showed a jagged line against the sky.

[4:53] Jonathan Harker: I say, the driver was right. It is awfully creepy. I can see why he wants to move. Oh well, here goes.

[5:04] Jonathan Harker: And right there, dressed entirely in black, stood none other than...

[5:10] Count Dracula: Nice to meet you.

[5:18] Count Dracula: Alexa, turn down the music.

[5:23] Count Dracula: Mr. Harker.

[5:25] Count Dracula: So good to finally be here. It was quite a journey.

[5:28] Count Dracula: Welcome to my house. Please note that you have entered under no duress and of your own free will.

[5:39] Jonathan Harker: Isn't that a unique greeting?

[5:41] Count Dracula: Liability issues.

[5:44] Jonathan Harker: Huh. Speaking of, is your solicitor here?

[5:47] Count Dracula: For the signing, I mean.

[5:49] Jonathan Harker: Oh, I couldn't find one who keeps my hours.

[5:52] Count Dracula: Yes, I was wondering what you were doing here.

[5:56] Jonathan Harker: Yes, I was wondering why we had to meet so late. It's a bit unorthodox, isn't it?

[6:02] Count Dracula: I'm a unicorn.

[6:04] Count Dracula: You actually caught me in the middle of my morning workout.

[6:07] Jonathan Harker: Morning? It's nearly midnight.

[6:09] Count Dracula: I slept late. Where are my manners? Can I get you something to drink? To eat?

[6:14] Jonathan Harker: Oh, you wouldn't happen to have anything gluten-free, cruelty-free, vegan, non-GMO and certified organic, would you?

[6:21] Count Dracula: I love house guests.

[6:23] Count Dracula: You're in luck. I get all of my overpriced produce from the farmer's market in town.

[6:28] Jonathan Harker: Perfect. In fact, that's where my carriage driver got this bag of fresh garlic. Look!

[6:36] Count Dracula: You all right there, Dracula?

[6:37] Count Dracula: Oh, yes. Just... allergic.

[6:40] Jonathan Harker: I understand. Makes cooking a challenge, eh?

[6:43] Count Dracula: Not at all. I'm a baker. More sweet than savory.

[6:48] Jonathan Harker: Oh, lovely. I'm sure Mrs. Dracula appreciates that.

[6:52] Count Dracula: There is no Mrs. Dracula.

[6:57] Jonathan Harker: Oh. Forgive my presumption.

[7:00] Count Dracula: No. Naturally, you assumed as much. I'm highly desirable. But I've been through every single woman in Romania, and I have yet to find the right person.

[7:13] Count Dracula: It is a small country, I suppose. Full of small-minded people. How many more conversations can a man have about chicken coops and borscht? I long for someone who will challenge me. A match. An equal. Someone whose strength of character makes me want to be better. Also, she has to be hot.

[7:34] Count Dracula: That is what I truly crave, Mr. Harker. The love, the companionship, the taste of that one special person.

[7:41] Jonathan Harker: The taste?

[7:42] Count Dracula: I'm sorry. The trust of that one special person.

[7:46] Jonathan Harker: Well, no shortage of singletons in London. Let's get you there straight away. I have all the legal documents for you to take ownership of your five new properties.

[7:54] Count Dracula: Wonderful.

[7:55] Jonathan Harker: So, I'll just need your autograph here, here, here, here, and here.

[8:01] Count Dracula: Lovely. And then there's the little matter of the cheque.

[8:05] Jonathan Harker: Ah, yes. I have that prepared.

[8:08] Count Dracula: Thank you very much. Lots of zeros on this one, eh?

[8:13] Jonathan Harker: Remarkable. Real estate has gone through the roof since the Black Plague.

[8:17] Count Dracula: You're funny. Yes, it's bloody expensive, isn't it?

[8:21] Jonathan Harker: Yes, bloody expensive.

[8:27] Jonathan Harker: Count, not to pry, but I'm curious. What does one do with five separate homes in London?

[8:33] Count Dracula: Investments. I want to have a foothold in one of the best neighborhoods.

[8:37] Jonathan Harker: I admire your business acumen. Might I ask what you do for work?

[8:43] Count Dracula: Oh, you Englishmen are all business. Might I ask what you do for pleasure?

[8:52] Jonathan Harker: Oh, I don't know. Usual things. A tidy desk generally makes me happy. Cup of tea, not too hot. Color-coordinated sock drawer.

[9:00] Count Dracula: You sound like a lot of fun.

[9:02] Jonathan Harker: Oh, but I'm not. My fiancée tells me all the time. She's much more adventurous than I am.

[9:06] Jonathan Harker: Is that so?

[9:09] Count Dracula: Oh, yes, yes. She's always off exploring dark and abandoned places, picking up exotic plants and artifacts, and getting herself into all sorts of mischief. The woman is fearless. I have no idea what she's doing with me.

[9:23] Jonathan Harker: Here, this is her. Isn't she a vision?

[9:30] Count Dracula: She is exquisite.

[9:33] Jonathan Harker: Yes, and brave beyond reason. We met as children when I fell through the ice in the pond behind our school, and she rescued me. I would have died of hypothermia had she not heard my screams and come running.

[9:45] Count Dracula: Unbelievable.

[9:47] Jonathan Harker: Quite. It's as though she's attracted to danger. That skin, the likes of which I have not seen in at least a thousand years.

[9:58] Count Dracula: Sorry?

[9:59] Jonathan Harker: And that neck, such flawless skin.

[10:01] Count Dracula: Well, we all get the odd ingrown hair, but overall...

[10:04] Jonathan Harker: She looks like a B positive, no?

[10:06] Count Dracula: Oh, yes, she's quite the optimist. It's that very spirit which draws people to her. And her skin.

[10:12] Jonathan Harker: Yes, you keep saying that. Where does she sleep?

[10:15] Count Dracula: I'm sorry?

[10:16] Jonathan Harker: I mean live. Where does she live?

[10:18] Jonathan Harker: At her father's house in Whitby, atop a cliff overlooking the North Sea. It's breathtaking.

[10:23] Count Dracula: I like the sound of that. If only her father would give up his silly rehabilitation project with the criminally insane...

[10:27] Jonathan Harker: Insane?

[10:30] Count Dracula: Mental patients who live with him and his daughters. He specializes in those with weak minds, susceptible to suggestion and vulnerable to dark forces.

[10:39] Jonathan Harker: Interesting. There's not much else in town, other than the cemetery and a haunted house that no one wants to buy. I've had that listing for ages.

[10:48] Count Dracula: Really? What's the ask?

[10:50] Jonathan Harker: You could pick it up for next to nothing. No one wants to deal with the renovations.

[10:55] Count Dracula: Or the screams at night.

[10:57] Jonathan Harker: I'll take it.

[11:04] Unknown speaker: Morrison! We're nearing the eye of the storm! Hoist the mizzen and raise the top sail!

[11:13] Captain: What's that, Captain?

[11:15] Unknown speaker: I said, we're nearing the eye of the storm!

[11:20] Captain: What? I can't hear you!

[11:23] Unknown speaker: The blasted rain is coming down so hard!

[11:27] Captain: What was that, sir?

[11:29] Unknown speaker: Never mind. What is the report today?

[11:34] Unknown speaker: Due to high winds, volleyball has been cancelled.

[11:39] Captain: What else?

[11:40] Unknown speaker: And the buffet is down.

[11:44] Captain: Dammit.

[11:46] Unknown speaker: And you're going to have to change your own linens, if you don't mind, sir.

[11:52] Captain: What is this nonsense? We need all hands on deck.

[11:56] Captain: What is this nonsense? We need all hands on deck.

[12:00] Unknown speaker: Sir, the men are not well.

[12:03] Captain: How's that?

[12:04] Unknown speaker: They've all taken ill.

[12:07] Captain: Oh.

[12:08] Unknown speaker: How ill?

[12:10] Unknown speaker: Dead, sir.

[12:11] Captain: Every last one.

[12:13] Unknown speaker: Every single one?

[12:16] Unknown speaker: All but you, me, and the passenger. He's been asleep all day. In fact, he's slept every day since we've been on the ship. I can only assume he's overdone it with the Dramamine.

[12:27] Captain: Then by God, bring him above deck! The wind is picking up! Have it taken on water! I don't know how much longer she'll hold in this squall!

[12:40] Unknown speaker: Aye, aye, sir!

[12:43] Unknown speaker: Captain's log, October 11th, 1897. With a trembling hand and a screaming stomach, I attempt to chronicle the terrifying events of the past few days aboard the S.S. Stoker, when the ship left port in the Baltic Sea.

[12:58] Unknown speaker: See, she carried 36 souls. In the intervening weeks, however, they've all succumbed to a mysterious illness of the blood, leaving no clue, apart from what appear to be tiny bite marks on their necks.

[13:14] Unknown speaker: I assume it is somehow related to an aviary disease, as there have been reported sightings of a bat flying from cabin to cabin.

[13:22] Unknown speaker: The lone passenger below decks has not surfaced in days. I sent a bosun down to retrieve him, but neither has returned. I can only imagine that they have succumbed to the same fate as the rest.

[13:37] Unknown speaker: I am now left alone at the helm of what is essentially a ghost ship, battling 30 foot swells and winds of 80 knots or more. If I should meet my watery end, please tell my wife and my mistress that she was the only woman I ever loved.

[13:59] Unknown speaker: Oh no! Oh! Can there be a wall of water? Here it comes! The big one! I go down honorably with my shirr!

[14:11] Lucy: Lucy, sit still. We need to get the sand out of your hair, and I don't want granules on your pretty bedspread.

[14:27] Mina: Sister, you are too kind.

[14:29] Lucy: Oh, how I love your hair. If only I weren't cursed with father's straggle knots, I wear pretty bows like you.

[14:37] Mina: Oh, nonsense, Mina. Your hair is every bit as beautiful as my own.

[14:42] Lucy: I'm afraid you've got mother's hair, and I've got father's facial hair. Nevertheless, you look handsome, sister.

[14:51] Mina: You really shouldn't go wandering on the beach at night like that. We were all so worried.

[14:56] Lucy: I couldn't resist exploring just a bit. With all the wreckage washed up, it was like walking right into an adventure story.

[15:04] Mina: Fear, this captain's log is still wet.

[15:08] Lucy: What else does it say? You know I can't read words.

[15:11] Mina: I go down honorably with my shirr.

[15:14] Lucy: With his shirr? Well, that's where it ends.

[15:17] Mina: Personally, I think an unfinished sentence is the height of laziness. What do you suppose he meant by going down with his shirr?

[15:24] Lucy: Oh, sweet sister, I mean...

[15:28] Mina: No one survived.

[15:31] Lucy: Oh, how chilling.

[15:34] Mina: Oh, was there anything else in that book?

[15:37] Lucy: No, just some pencil sketches of naked mermaids and the odd cabin boy.

[15:41] Mina: Oh, to lose another artist, the world is the poorer for it.

[15:44] Lucy: Look! Oh, look, Mina, there's a manifest here at the end.

[15:47] Mina: That sounds promising.

[15:48] Lucy: It's all a bit squishy, but this last line looks like it says, um, six coffins full of earth headed for Carfax.

[16:01] Mina: Oh, that dreadful abandoned house on the other side of town. Didn't Jonathan just sell that property?

[16:07] Lucy: Yes, to a man in Transylvania. Oh, he must have been on that ship.

[16:12] Mina: I hope Jonathan cashed that check.

[16:15] Renfield: Pardon me, Miss Lucy. Sorry to bother you, but Mr. Harker's arrived. Shall I send him up?

[16:21] Lucy: Oh, yes, thank you, Renfield. Thank you, Renfield.

[16:24] Lucy: Incidentally, excellent progress you're making. It seems Father's treatments are really working. Are you feeling any better?

[16:32] Renfield: As a matter of fact, I am, Mum. I'm nearly free of all my unhealthy behaviour.

[16:37] Lucy: Wonderful.

[16:39] Renfield: Except my eating disorder. Oh, look, a spider.

[16:42] Lucy: It's on you.

[16:44] Renfield: Get it off of me. Get it off of me.

[16:47] Renfield: Get in my mouth, you delicious little crumpet.

[16:51] Lucy: Oh, Renfield, I thought you were working on that.

[16:54] Renfield: It's my cheat day.

[16:56] Jonathan: Is everything all right in here? I thought I heard a scream.

[16:59] Lucy: Apologies, Jonathan. My nerves got the better of me.

[17:03] Jonathan: Oh, thank God, Lucy. You're all right. Almost ready?

[17:06] Lucy: Of course, darling. I'm all right, too. Thanks.

[17:10] Jonathan: Great, Mina. Darling, you're not even dressed.

[17:13] Jonathan: According to my schedule, we're due downstairs in three minutes.

[17:17] Jonathan: How does it look if we're late to our own engagement party?

[17:20] Lucy: Like our passion is so fiery, we run off to some far-flung land to live on berries and love-making.

[17:26] Jonathan: Like in one of those adventure stories. Wouldn't that be something?

[17:29] Lucy: Something dangerous. Do you know unwashed berries contain parasites?

[17:32] Jonathan: I wasn't being literal. I wish you would relax, darling.

[17:36] Lucy: I'm sorry. I am trying, you know.

[17:39] Jonathan: I know, my love. Come here, then. Give us a kiss.

[17:43] Lucy: I don't see how that is going to...

[17:51] Jonathan: That was nice. Might I ask the future Mrs. Harker for another?

[17:56] Lucy: You might, sir. And I might just give you more than you bargained for.

[18:07] Jonathan: We're wicked, aren't we? Sorry, Mina.

[18:11] Mina: Don't worry about me. I like to watch.

[18:15] Jonathan: What's all this sand in your hair?

[18:18] Mina: I was down at the beach last night foraging for souvenirs from the wreck.

[18:22] Jonathan: At night? Are you out of your mind?

[18:25] Jonathan: They're all sorts of ruffians and thugs.

[18:28] Jonathan: They come out of the woodwork whenever a ship runs aground.

[18:31] Mina: Jonathan, you're sweet to worry about me.

[18:33] Mina: But, you know, there isn't any need to be so skittish.

[18:37] Jonathan: I can't help it. I worry about your safety. And my own.

[18:41] Jonathan: Only two weeks ago I was on that very ship. It could have been me.

[18:45] Jonathan: It's all a little close to home for my taste.

[18:48] Mina: Do you know my client, Count Dracula, was on that ship?

[18:51] Lucy: Oh, that's what I feared! I'm so sorry. Poor man.

[18:56] Mina: He was so looking forward to England. And to meeting you, Lucy.

[19:00] Lucy: He was rather impressed with your skin care regimen.

[19:03] Mina: It's so funny. Everyone always asks.

[19:06] Lucy: Truth is, it's just soap and water.

[19:08] Mina: Of course. Beautiful inside and out.

[19:11] Lucy: It's just soap and water.

[19:13] Mina: Silver lining. I can sell creepy old Carfax again.

[19:16] Lucy: And all those properties in London.

[19:18] Mina: Oh, how nice!

[19:20] Lucy: Yay! More good things happening for my sister.

[19:24] Mina: Meantime, this mole on my face seems to be growing larger.

[19:29] Lucy: Mina, will you give us a moment alone?

[19:31] Mina: No problem. I'll head down to the party.

[19:34] Lucy: There are quite a few handsome gentlemen there.

[19:37] Mina: Some of my former suitors simply won't take no for an answer.

[19:40] Lucy: Well, I'll just head down and hope for sloppy seconds then.

[19:45] Mina: Mina!

[19:47] Jonathan: My darling, you have a little more sand in your hair. Do you mind?

[19:51] Lucy: Oh, leave it.

[19:53] Jonathan: Oh, people will think we've been rolling around on the beach.

[19:56] Lucy: It's six degrees and raining. We'd end up in bed for a week.

[19:59] Jonathan: I would love a week in bed with you, Jonathan.

[20:05] Lucy: You're a devil, you are. But we can't do this now.

[20:10] Jonathan: Why not?

[20:12] Lucy: We have a room full of important guests waiting, including three judges, a barrister and a beadle.

[20:16] Unknown speaker: Did someone say beadle?

[20:18] Lucy: No.

[20:20] Jonathan: Darling, please.

[20:22] Lucy: So I guess tonight is for all those important people then.

[20:25] Jonathan: Lucy, you know you are the most important person in my entire world.

[20:30] Jonathan: You're my future. I love you.

[20:33] Lucy: And I you, my darling.

[20:35] Lucy: In sickness and in health, till death do us part.

[20:42] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: Ladies and gentlemen, friends and colleagues.

[20:45] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: For those of you I have yet to meet, I am Dr. Wallace Westfeld, happy father of the bride.

[20:52] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: I am honored to welcome you to my home and asylum for rehabilitation of the criminally insane.

[21:00] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: I am so pleased to have you all here tonight to celebrate Lucy and Jonathan.

[21:06] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: I am only sorry my beloved wife is not with us to share in this blessing.

[21:11] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: But I know that she is smiling down from the heavens, protecting this young couple as they begin to make their way in an increasingly turbulent world.

[21:22] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: So if you happen to feel a bit of damp in the air, think of it not as a residue of the English autumn, but rather as her tears of joy.

[21:33] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: And may I also take this opportunity to say...

[21:37] Mina: Not now, Mina.

[21:39] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: So it seems we've got a bit of time on our hands, but the happy couple should be down any minute.

[21:44] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: Cheers!

[21:46] Mina: Well done, Daddy.

[21:48] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: Thank you, Mina.

[21:50] Mina: Why don't you introduce me to your gentleman friends?

[21:53] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: Yes, father.

[21:55] Mina: This is the very charming Lord Cavendish.

[21:58] Lord Cavendish: How do you do?

[22:00] Mina: And the handsome Lord Windsor.

[22:02] Lord Windsor: Lovely to meet you, charmed, I'm sure.

[22:05] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: And from America, the highly eligible Lord Swivel Hips.

[22:09] Lord Swivel Hips: Oh, thank you. Well, thank you very much.

[22:10] Lord Swivel Hips: Pleasure. Nice to see all this attention being lavished on my daughter.

[22:14] Lord Swivel Hips: Your other daughter.

[22:16] Mina: Lucy?

[22:17] Lord Swivel Hips: Yeah, the hot one.

[22:19] Lord Swivel Hips: But Lucy is no longer on the market.

[22:21] Lord Swivel Hips: I, however, am unencumbered by any suitors at all.

[22:25] Lord Swivel Hips: So if you gentlemen should have even the slightest bit of interest...

[22:29] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: All right, all right. Soft touch, darling.

[22:32] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: And where is your sister?

[22:34] Lord Swivel Hips: I'm eager to bestow my well wishes.

[22:37] Mina: Of course you are.

[22:38] Lord Swivel Hips: You know, if I get a little alone time with her, I'm sure I can convince her to change her mind.

[22:44] Mina: Don't be rude, Swivel Hips.

[22:46] Lord Swivel Hips: You're the rude one.

[22:48] Lord Swivel Hips: How very dare you. I was the first to arrive this evening.

[22:51] Lord Swivel Hips: We came together, moron.

[22:53] Unknown speaker: Care for a top off, sir?

[22:55] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: Kitty, please go fetch Lucy and Jonathan.

[22:57] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: You can tell the lovebirds they have a restless crowd down here.

[23:00] Kitty: Yes, Dr. Westfeld. Anything else I can get you?

[23:04] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: You can give me my stethoscope. I noticed it went missing after our last check-up.

[23:08] Kitty: Yes, Mr. Doctor, sir.

[23:10] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: I can't very well be expected to cure your kleptomania without the tools of my trade, can I?

[23:14] Kitty: No, sir, Dr. Mister.

[23:18] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: Right along then, Kitty.

[23:20] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: Leave the champagne.

[23:23] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: And also my watch.

[23:27] Unknown speaker: I, for one, think Kitty is making excellent progress.

[23:31] Unknown speaker: Sir, I must say, allowing your patients to live right here in your home isn't your troublesome.

[23:38] Unknown speaker: I'm living with a bunch of Froot Loops.

[23:40] Unknown speaker: Gentlemen, insanity is merely society's failure to recognize individuality and sparkle.

[23:43] Unknown speaker: Father is an advocate for sparkle.

[23:48] Dr. Wallace Westfeld: I am. I love sparkles. I can't deny it.

[23:51] Unknown speaker: Be that as it may, I am not entirely comfortable with them.

[23:57] Unknown speaker: Sparkles?

[23:58] Unknown speaker: No, crazy people like woo-woo, you know.

[24:01] Unknown speaker: We refuse to be served by these monsters.

[24:04] Unknown speaker: These people are not monsters.

[24:07] Unknown speaker: They are suffering.

[24:09] Unknown speaker: And if none of...

[24:11] Unknown speaker: And if none of you recognize their potential, then none of you are worthy to call yourself my suitor.

[24:18] Unknown speaker: We weren't.

[24:20] Unknown speaker: We're here for your sister.

[24:22] Unknown speaker: Yeah, in case she changes her mind.

[24:24] Mina: Vultures, get out of our house now. The only monsters here are you.

[24:29] Lucy: Well done, Mina.

[24:31] Mina: I didn't know you had it in you.

[24:33] Lucy: Neither did I.

[24:35] Mina: There are other things I wish I had in me.

[24:37] Mina: Mina?

[24:39] Unknown speaker: But alas, I am destined to live my life unloved and alone.

[24:43] Count Dracula: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Count Dracula.

[24:49] Unknown speaker: Oh, hello.

[24:51] Count Dracula: I realize you will likely have many questions about me. Feel free to ask them all. I am not afraid to talk about myself.

[24:58] Lucy: Well, isn't that a refreshing quality in a man?

[25:01] Count Dracula: Are you a friend of the bride or the groom?

[25:04] Count Dracula: I am Mr. Hucker's real estate client. I just moved to town.

[25:09] Lucy: How wonderful. You must be Lucy's sister.

[25:13] Mina: Yes, I got all the recessive genes.

[25:15] Count Dracula: How do you know Lucy?

[25:17] Count Dracula: I have only ever seen her image once, but I have not been able to forget it.

[25:22] Mina: Yes, she's very memorable.

[25:25] Count Dracula: I baked this for the happy couple. It's a babka.

[25:28] Lucy: Oh, does it happen to be...

[25:32] Count Dracula: Yes, it's gluten-free, cruelty-free, vegan, non-GMO, and certified organic. I also brought one for the rest of us that tastes good.

[25:40] Lucy: Ah, lovely jubbly.

[25:42] Unknown speaker: Oh. My. God.

[25:45] Lucy: You're amazing, aren't you?

[25:47] Count Dracula: I do my best.

[25:49] Count Dracula: I used extra salt.

[25:51] Lucy: Good for the blood pressure.

[25:53] Count Dracula: Wouldn't that raise the blood pressure?

[25:56] Count Dracula: Marie Antoinette's chef gave me that tip before he lost his head.

[26:01] Lucy Westfeldt: Oh, he's having us on. Nice one, Count. I'll just have Kitty plate this for the guests.

[26:08] Count Dracula: Marie Antoinette, how old are you?

[26:15] Marie Antoinette: Old enough to appreciate beauty found in the most unexpected of places.

[26:26] Count Dracula: Oh, sir, your hand is so smooth.

[26:30] Lucy Westfeldt: You like that?

[26:33] Count Dracula: The secret is staying out of the sun.

[26:39] Count Dracula: Mina, come join us.

[26:42] Count Dracula: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the bride and groom-to-be, Jonathan Harker, and my lovely daughter, Lucy Westfeldt.

[26:53] Count Dracula: So kind of you all to join us.

[26:55] Lucy Westfeldt: Yes, we're thrilled to share this magical evening with so many special people.

[27:00] Count Dracula: So, drink up, and if anyone is interested in my other daughter, Mina, all offers will be considered.

[27:08] Count Dracula: Come, darling, let's greet our guests properly.

[27:12] Jonathan Harker: Jonathan!

[27:14] Jonathan Harker: I don't believe my eyes. Dracula, old man, you are alive!

[27:18] Count Dracula: I wouldn't go that far.

[27:20] Jonathan Harker: I thought everyone on that ship perished.

[27:22] Count Dracula: We managed a narrow escape.

[27:24] Jonathan Harker: Extraordinary. We must let the papers know.

[27:27] Count Dracula: No, no, no, please. It was harrowing enough to live through at once.

[27:31] Jonathan Harker: Yes, yes, of course, but the story, it's tremendous. You'd be famous.

[27:37] Count Dracula: I'm happy living in the shadows.

[27:39] Count Dracula: I'm so very glad to see you, and looking rather well, all things considered.

[27:43] Jonathan Harker: I need a haircut, but not bad, am I?

[27:47] Lucy Westfeldt: Jonathan, darling, your friends are absolute charmers.

[27:49] Count Dracula: Oh, I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met.

[27:52] Lucy Westfeldt: Lucy, your fiancé has told me so much about you.

[27:56] Lucy Westfeldt: Has he? All good, I hope.

[27:58] Count Dracula: Naturally.

[28:00] Lucy Westfeldt: Count Dracula, you are even more compelling in person.

[28:04] Count Dracula: I don't think anyone has ever French-kissed my hand before. How continental.

[28:12] Lucy Westfeldt: Count, where did you say you were from?

[28:15] Count Dracula: The Carpathian Mountains.

[28:17] Lucy Westfeldt: The Count just purchased Carfax.

[28:19] Jonathan Harker: Really? Bit of a fixer-upper, eh?

[28:22] Count Dracula: It's perfect as it is.

[28:24] Jonathan Harker: Even with the mold, and the bugs, and the smell?

[28:27] Count Dracula: Doesn't bother me. I lived in New York for a year after college.

[28:31] Lucy Westfeldt: It seems this is a highly resilient man. He's the sole survivor of last night's shipwreck.

[28:37] Jonathan Harker: Really? You certainly clean up well.

[28:40] Count Dracula: A little concealer goes a long way.

[28:42] Lucy Westfeldt: Count, the ship's manifest reported six boxes of soil from abroad.

[28:47] Jonathan Harker: You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

[28:49] Count Dracula: In fact, they are mine. I plan to grow some of my native herbs from back home for baking.

[28:56] Lucy Westfeldt: Fascinating.

[28:58] Count Dracula: Yes, most women react similarly.

[29:00] Lucy Westfeldt: A man who bakes, right?

[29:02] Count Dracula: I meant the soil.

[29:04] Lucy Westfeldt: I happen to have been an earth sciences major at Oxford.

[29:07] Count Dracula: Oh, I see. Impressive.

[29:10] Lucy Westfeldt: Hardly. It wasn't like I came in top of my class and then couldn't find work because I was a woman.

[29:15] Count Dracula: Oh, wait.

[29:16] Lucy Westfeldt: Bright side is, she's about to start the most important job of all.

[29:21] Count Dracula: Wife and mother.

[29:23] Lucy Westfeldt: Yay.

[29:25] Count Dracula: Lucy, might I invite you over to see my soil samples?

[29:29] Lucy Westfeldt: That's very generous of you, Count.

[29:31] Count Dracula: Excellent. Come with me now.

[29:33] Lucy Westfeldt: Now? In the middle of my engagement party, silly.

[29:36] Count Dracula: We'll find time in the next week or two.

[29:39] Lucy Westfeldt: So you don't want to?

[29:41] Count Dracula: Go home with you?

[29:43] Lucy Westfeldt: Thanks for the laugh, Count.

[29:45] Count Dracula: Welcome to Whitby.

[29:47] Count Dracula: Come, Lucy, darling. I want to introduce you to my cousins, Mary and Shelley.

[29:53] Jonathan Harker: Count, how are you getting on?

[29:56] Count Dracula: Has Renfield offered you something to eat?

[30:00] Jonathan Harker: Renfield? One of my patients.

[30:02] Count Dracula: He's working the party to develop his social skills.

[30:05] Count Dracula: Renfield!

[30:07] Renfield: Yes, Doctor?

[30:09] Count Dracula: Will you please come back in here?

[30:10] Renfield: Coming, Doctor!

[30:12] Count Dracula: He's got little to no self-esteem, so he's highly suggestible.

[30:16] Jonathan Harker: Not a problem.

[30:18] Count Dracula: And he eats bugs.

[30:20] Jonathan Harker: I'll see what's keeping him.

[30:22] Count Dracula: You must be famished from your shipwreck. Can I offer you a bite?

[30:27] Mina: Mina, do come along.

[30:29] Mina: Dad, I'm coming! God!

[30:31] Renfield: Good evening, sir. Would you like a cheesy thing?

[30:36] Count Dracula: No, thank you.

[30:37] Renfield: Let me guess. Renfield.

[30:41] Count Dracula: Do I know you?

[30:43] Renfield: Not yet. But I know you.

[30:46] Count Dracula: You do?

[30:48] Renfield: Better than you know yourself.

[30:51] Count Dracula: You're lonely. You're misunderstood. You're without purpose.

[30:56] Renfield: It's like you can see right into my soul.

[30:59] Count Dracula: My only relief is in serving others.

[31:02] Renfield: Well, I've got a little pension for being served.

[31:05] Count Dracula: And I could use some help cleaning around Carfax.

[31:09] Renfield: In case I should have a guest.

[31:11] Count Dracula: You're not afraid of a bug or two, are you?

[31:14] Renfield: Bugs? What sort of bugs?

[31:18] Count Dracula: Sweet or savoury? Can you be more specific?

[31:21] Count Dracula: Why don't you come by later tonight and see for yourself?

[31:24] Count Dracula: I'll prepare an assortment.

[31:26] Renfield: When it comes to living ingredients, I'm a master chef.

[31:30] Count Dracula: Master chef! Come by. 3 a.m. Tell no one.

[31:33] Renfield: Yes, master... chef.

[31:40] Renfield: I'm back!

[31:43] Renfield: Down the hatch!

[31:46] Renfield: If I may say so. That's a very handsome dress you're wearing.

[31:48] Mina: It's a cape.

[31:51] Renfield: Whatever it is, it's very becoming.

[31:56] Mina: Thank you, Mina.

[31:58] Count Dracula: You remembered my name!

[31:59] Mina: Has anyone ever told you that you have a beautiful neck?

[32:03] Count Dracula: No! No, they haven't.

[32:06] Mina: They usually comment on my strong shoulders and prominent Adam's apple.

[32:11] Count Dracula: You don't say!

[32:13] Mina: I know, it's silly. Men are ever so predictable.

[32:17] Count Dracula: But my neck... What a refreshing compliment!

[32:21] Count Dracula: The way it curves gently, pitching it at just the right angle to show off your exquisite jugular.

[32:27] Mina: You're not like all the other men in Whitby, are you?

[32:31] Count Dracula: Transylvania is very far from here. Simply put, I am a stranger in a strange land.

[32:37] Mina: Funny. I've always felt that way myself.

[32:40] Count Dracula: Of course you have. All of us are alone, aren't we? Craving momentary comfort in the arms of one who will hold you tight, caress your skin and take complete control of you.

[32:53] Mina: You want to get out of here?

[32:55] Count Dracula: My house is just across town.

[32:57] Mina: Good. I'll grab a bottle.

[32:59] Count Dracula: Don't bother. I'm suddenly thirsty for something else.

[33:06] Jonathan Harker: Fifteen October, 1897. To Dr. John Van Helsing. University of Schmutz, Brandenburg Campus, Department of Rare Infectious Diseases.

[33:14] Jonathan Harker: Dear Dr. Van Helsing, I write you now in dire need of your expertise. Three days ago, my youngest daughter Mina was at her sister's engagement party with a ruddy complexion and full of life. The following morning, we found her bedridden and pale, her veins swollen with an odd color and unable to look at direct sunlight without wincing in pain.

[33:32] Jonathan Harker: At first, I assumed it was a female issue, but it's even more frightening than that. Samples of her blood have revealed her to be severely anemic, yet I cannot pinpoint the source of her distress. I beg of you to come see her straight away. Speaking man to man, I fear for her life.

[33:50] Lucy Westfeldt: Oh, my dear sweet Mina. How it pains me to see my sister like this, Jonathan.

[33:55] Jonathan Harker: I must say, it's highly unnerving to see a person so lively and gay one moment and then down for the count the next.

[34:02] Lucy Westfeldt: The count! Count Dracula! He brought the cake she ate.

[34:07] Mina: I ate it too, darling.

[34:09] Lucy Westfeldt: Oh yes, of course, father. It couldn't have been the cake. Maybe she drank something that didn't agree with her?

[34:14] Jonathan Harker: It's more acute than that. It's gone directly to her blood.

[34:18] Lucy Westfeldt: Oh, I do wish the doctor would get here already.

[34:20] Jonathan Harker: Ah, Speak of the devil, that must be him now.

[34:23] Lucy Westfeldt: So kind of this Van Helsing fellow to take time out of his busy schedule to come visit us.

[34:28] Jonathan Harker: Good show your mother knew him.

[34:30] Lucy Westfeldt: Excuse me, Dr. Westfeldt.

[34:33] Dr. Van Helsing: Hello there. So nice to meet you.

[34:36] Lucy Westfeldt: You must be Mrs. Van Helsing.

[34:38] Dr. Van Helsing: Dr. Van Helsing.

[34:40] Lucy Westfeldt: Yes, Dr. Van Helsing's wife.

[34:43] Dr. Van Helsing: How lovely to meet you, Mrs. Van Helsing.

[34:46] Lucy Westfeldt: No, I am Dr. Van Helsing.

[34:48] Dr. Van Helsing: No, I am Dr. Van Helsing.

[34:57] Jonathan Harker: Father.

[34:59] Lucy Westfeldt: Very funny, very funny, Mrs. Van Helsing.

[35:02] Jonathan Harker: Is your husband lifting the heavy bags from the carriage?

[35:05] Dr. Van Helsing: I have no husband.

[35:11] Jonathan Harker: Father.

[35:14] Lucy Westfeldt: That famous German sense of humor. I'll go help him with the bags.

[35:19] Jonathan Harker: Apologies, Doctor. My father is under a great deal of stress with my sister's illness. Could you please take a look at her right now? Time is of the essence.

[35:28] Dr. Van Helsing: She looks depleted. Any other symptoms?

[35:32] Lucy Westfeldt: She complains of terrible dreams. Some sexier than others. And a weakness. A bloodlessness that confounds her doctors.

[35:41] Dr. Van Helsing: How long have these bite marks been visible?

[35:43] Lucy Westfeldt: Bite marks?

[35:45] Dr. Van Helsing: Where her carotid artery and jugular intersect.

[35:47] Renfield: Did someone say insect?

[35:49] Dr. Van Helsing: No, Renfield. Peculiar butler you have.

[35:53] Lucy Westfeldt: He's also a patient. We're wasting precious time. Where is Dr. Van Helsing?

[35:58] Dr. Van Helsing: I am here.

[36:00] Lucy Westfeldt: No, you're not. I sent for Dr. Jean Van Helsing, as in Jean Valjean.

[36:06] Dr. Van Helsing: No, you sent for Dr. Jean Van Helsing, as in Jean Valjean.

[36:10] Lucy Westfeldt: Jean Valjean.

[36:12] Dr. Van Helsing: So I sent for a lady doctor.

[36:16] Lucy Westfeldt: Correct.

[36:18] Dr. Van Helsing: I wouldn't be laughing if I were you. Your daughter is in grave danger. This is no ordinary insect bite.

[36:25] Lucy Westfeldt: What do you mean?

[36:30] Dr. Van Helsing: It appears she may have been bitten by something more sinister. Have any of you been out of the country?

[36:37] Lucy Westfeldt: I was in Eastern Europe. Did you bring back any fruits or vegetables?

[36:41] Lucy Westfeldt: Just this garlic from the farmer's market in Bucharest.

[36:43] Dr. Van Helsing: But she wasn't exposed to it. Anything else? Maybe something from Duty Free?

[36:47] Lucy Westfeldt: No.

[36:49] Dr. Van Helsing: Good. It's not that much cheaper anyway. Have you noticed anything or anyone unusual in the area lately?

[36:54] Lucy Westfeldt: Just the regular, workaday English life. Soggy sandwiches, lots of rain, ghost ship washed up on shore. Nothing out of the ordinary.

[37:01] Dr. Van Helsing: Hold on. What was that?

[37:02] Renfield: Renfield! You gave me a fright.

[37:03] Lucy Westfeldt: Nothing out of the ordinary.

[37:05] Dr. Van Helsing: No. Go back a word or two.

[37:06] Lucy Westfeldt: Washed?

[37:08] Dr. Van Helsing: Continued.

[37:10] Lucy Westfeldt: Ship? Ghost?

[37:12] Dr. Van Helsing: A ghost ship. The very thing. Was there a manifest?

[37:14] Lucy Westfeldt: Yes. I found it on the beach.

[37:16] Lucy Westfeldt: But there was no cargo at all, apart from some bird seed, canned tuna, and six coffins of Transylvanian earth.

[37:22] Dr. Van Helsing: Nothing out of the ordinary.

[37:24] Lucy Westfeldt: Hold on. What was that?

[37:26] Dr. Van Helsing: Nothing out of the ordinary.

[37:28] Lucy Westfeldt: No. Go back a word or two.

[37:30] Dr. Van Helsing: Earth. Transylvanian. Of?

[37:32] Lucy Westfeldt: Continued.

[37:34] Dr. Van Helsing: Coffins. Six?

[37:36] Lucy Westfeldt: This female medicine is not for me, I'm afraid. I'm going to go out and pick up some leeches and tapeworms to drain her of her evil humours like a real doctor. I'll be back before nightfall.

[37:49] Lucy Westfeldt: Lucy, I must know. Was your sister alone with anyone the night of the party?

[37:54] Lucy Westfeldt: Well, she attempted to make conversation with three of my former suitors, but I do not believe she left with any one of them.

[37:57] Jonathan Harker: What?

[38:03] Renfield: Words, words, words, words. I can't stop laughing.

[38:07] Jonathan Harker: I apologise.

[38:09] Lucy Westfeldt: Now hold it right there. What's funny about a dying girl?

[38:13] Renfield: A dying girl who flirted with four gentlemen.

[38:17] Lucy Westfeldt: But there were only three, Renfield.

[38:19] Renfield: There was a fourth, and she left with him that night.

[38:23] Lucy Westfeldt: Oh, my heavens. Is that a bat?

[38:25] Renfield: Oh, yes, yes. Get it away from me.

[38:28] Jonathan Harker: You hide, Jonathan. I'll grab a broom.

[38:31] Renfield: I didn't tell Master.

[38:33] Jonathan Harker: You didn't tell? I'm sorry.

[38:35] Renfield: Why are you speaking to that flutter-mouth?

[38:37] Jonathan Harker: It's a bat, Doctor.

[38:39] Renfield: Oh, and it's oddly attracted to my moisturiser.

[38:42] Renfield: And my hair gel. It seems to be very concerned with personal grooming products.

[38:47] Count Dracula: It's the devil is what it is. He demands I do his bidding. Is that garlic of yours? Give it here.

[38:53] Renfield: Dankeschön. If my suspicions are correct, it may prove useful. I'll just hold it up to our debate, und? He's coming for me now! Who is he? I've already said too much. I must answer for my soul at the judgment seat of God!

[39:19] Dr. Van Helsing: We're on the ground floor. I thought I heard a scream. What happened? What a palaver! It's Renfield. He's gone. Out the window and through the pansies. After conversing with a flutter-mouse. Oh, no! And he was doing so well.

[39:33] Jonathan: I wouldn't go quite that far. Well, find him.

[39:36] Dr. Van Helsing: You may not want to find him. From the looks of it, he may be the one responsible for your daughter's illness.

[39:42] Jonathan: Do you really think so? He's never hurt so much as a fly.

[39:46] Dr. Van Helsing: Oh, yeah. Ja, exactly. There's something foul in the air here. What is happening to us, Doctor?

[39:51] Dr. Van Helsing: From all the evidence, it can only be one thing. 15th October, 1897. Arrived United Kingdom via steam train und ferry from Schmutz. The patient, Mina Westfeld, grows worse by the hour. She vacillates between exhaustion und intermittent bouts of aggression. We have been forced to chain her to the bed for her own safety. Our next course of action is to administer blood transfusions. I have only ever read about vampires in ancient medical texts. I assumed they were the stuff of fiction und fairy tales. However, I fear I am about to be proven wrong. If so, God help us all.

[40:40] Dr. Van Helsing: How is Mina doing? Any improvement this evening?

[40:44] Jonathan: I'm afraid not. I thought the transfusions were working, but the fits are getting worse. When she isn't in spasms, she has no energy at all.

[40:52] Dr. Van Helsing: Mina, this is Dr. Von Helsing. Can you hear me?

[40:57] Jonathan: She can hardly speak, Doctor. She's very weak.

[41:00] Mina: He said I had a pretty neck.

[41:02] Dr. Van Helsing: Who? Who said you had a pretty neck?

[41:05] Jonathan: She's hallucinating, Doctor. Clearly no one would ever say that to her.

[41:09] Dr. Van Helsing: Who was it that complimented your neck?

[41:13] Mina: Another episode!

[41:22] Dr. Van Helsing: The chains will hold her!

[41:24] Jonathan: Are you sure? The links are buckling. They're about to give way.

[41:29] Dr. Van Helsing: They've snapped! She's levitating!

[41:31] Jonathan: Well, if I'm not needed here, I guess I'll just...

[41:35] Dr. Van Helsing: Jonathan, quick! Grab her feet. We need to pull her back down.

[41:38] Jonathan: I'd rather not soil my hands.

[41:40] Mina: Really, Jonathan, is that the first thought on your mind? She's dancing on the ceiling! Like a lion or a litchi! And her head is spinning around! I can't believe my eyes!

[41:53] Dr. Van Helsing: Oh, I think she's in some sort of pain. Listen to that! We must make it stop! This tranquilizer blowout should do the trick!

[42:11] Dr. Van Helsing: It's subsided.

[42:13] Jonathan: Good work, Doctor Van Helsing.

[42:16] Dr. Van Helsing: How often do you use those blow darts?

[42:18] Jonathan: You'd be surprised.

[42:20] Dr. Van Helsing: Rest, Mina. Rest.

[42:25] Mina: She's asleep.

[42:27] Dr. Van Helsing: You too, my darlings. Good night, Lieblings.

[42:31] Jonathan: Good night, Doctor Van Helsing.

[42:34] Dr. Van Helsing: Jonathan, will you wipe her forehead?

[42:37] Jonathan: Um, I'm okay, thanks.

[42:39] Dr. Van Helsing: Would you rather change her bedpan?

[42:41] Jonathan: I'd rather do neither, thank you very much.

[42:43] Dr. Van Helsing: Jonathan!

[42:44] Mina: You don't know what it feels like to be inside my skin. This isn't easy for me.

[42:48] Jonathan: Nor is it easy for me, living with all your feelings! There are two of us in this relationship, and we've got to each give a little. I gave you a beautiful necklace for your last birthday. I mean, you have to be willing to venture past your fears. Go off peace for once in your life.

[43:00] Mina: I want to.

[43:03] Jonathan: Then stop being so frightened of things that might be, and start living in the present!

[43:07] Mina: Of course I want to live in the present, and I will very soon. What if I cannot wait any longer? What if I do not wish to negotiate every decision until I'm blue in the face? What if just once I want to move through life without fear, with a courageous partner rather than a coward?

[43:24] Jonathan: Oh, I didn't mean...

[43:26] Mina: Yes, you did. Jonathan, please, I...

[43:29] Jonathan: No. If that's what you want, then you should have it. And not with a Tupni coward!

[43:34] Mina: Jonathan, wait!

[43:38] Count Dracula: Finally, I have you alone.

[43:40] Mina: Count! You frightened me. Where did you come from?

[43:45] Count Dracula: I'm here with a gift. For you.

[43:48] Mina: The soil! Oh, thank you, Count. I'd also like to pick up my cake plate, if you don't mind. It's Wedgwood.

[43:55] Count Dracula: Yes, I imagine it's somewhere downstairs. I was so sorry to hear about your sister.

[44:01] Mina: She's got a strong spirit. She'll pull through. But if she doesn't...

[44:05] Count Dracula: Well, she must. She's only 22. There's a whole life ahead of her. All the adventures, all the laughter, all the romance.

[44:13] Mina: Well, maybe not romance, but still... My apologies. You are in a vulnerable state, especially after that conversation with Jonathan.

[44:21] Count Dracula: How did you...

[44:22] Mina: You are a strong, courageous woman. You deserve a strong, courageous man. Come here.

[44:30] Count Dracula: Count, you're standing so close to me, I can feel your breath.

[44:34] Count Dracula: Good. Now feel my arms around you.

[44:38] Mina: What are you doing?

[44:39] Count Dracula: Giving you what you need. A chance to move through life without fear.

[44:44] Mina: But you don't know me.

[44:46] Count Dracula: I know you, Lucy, because I have been waiting for you for centuries. And suddenly, here you are. Everything I dreamed when Jonathan showed me your photograph. My blood went warm. My arms felt weightless. My head was swimming. That's why I came to Whitby. For you. That's why I bought Carfax. For you. Why I turned my life upside down. Not that it's an uncomfortable position for me. For you. I can't pretend we weren't meant for each other. And you know you can't either.

[45:21] Mina: This is insane. I have to go.

[45:24] Count Dracula: Not yet.

[45:25] Mina: Let go of me, please.

[45:27] Count Dracula: Why? Because it feels good. You said it yourself. Venture past your fears.

[45:32] Mina: But... but...

[45:34] Count Dracula: Live in the present. Kiss me.

[45:40] Mina: Stop it. Stop it now. This is wrong. I am engaged.

[45:44] Count Dracula: To a coward. You know what you want, what you need. Come with me. I can give you an extraordinary life.

[45:50] Mina: No. This is not what I want. I must be lightheaded from all the transfusions. I've given her several pints of blood today and I haven't had anything to eat. Excuse me. I'm going to fix myself some tea. I'll be as quick as I can. And, if you don't mind, the cake plate.

[46:09] Count Dracula: Of course. Dear Mina. Lucy has been giving transfusions. Which means her blood now runs through your veins. That will have to do for now. Until I can get Lucy to join me for all eternity.

[46:27] Renfield: You called, Master?

[46:29] Count Dracula: I have a job for you.

[46:31] Renfield: Anything.

[46:32] Count Dracula: I need you to bring Mina back to Carfax. I would fly her myself, but she's over the weight limit.

[46:37] Renfield: Of course. But not a word. Not a whisper. You understand?

[46:41] Renfield: Yes, Master.

[46:45] Renfield: Cor! Gone in a puff of smoke!

[46:47] Mina: How did he...

[46:48] Renfield: I'm sorry to keep you waiting, Count. I have your plate here and...

[46:51] Count Dracula: Renfield!

[46:52] Mina: Miss Lucy! Where's the Count?

[46:54] Renfield: I'll never tell!

[46:58] Mina: Oh, God! What are you doing with Mina?

[47:00] Renfield: Sorry! Gotta run! Out of my way! Help! Help! Dr. Van Helsing!

[47:08] Dr. Van Helsing: 20th October, 1897. Mina Westfeldt is missing. And there is only one logical suspect.

[47:17] Jonathan: Renfield! Clearly, his appetite for blood is growing.

[47:21] Dr. Van Helsing: Renfield! Clearly, his appetite for insects has grown to a thirst for human blood!

[47:30] Dr. Westfeldt: Dr. Westfeldt? Any progress at all?

[47:33] Jonathan: I'm afraid not. Renfield is nowhere to be found. This is all too terrible to comprehend, to think. I let that man into my house. Now he's abducted my second favorite daughter.

[47:43] Dr. Van Helsing: We'll find them, Father.

[47:45] Dr. Westfeldt: I'm not so certain. We've had men searching the property all morning. Maybe you should have asked some women.

[47:50] Jonathan: I've been searched as well. We're still working on our pronouns.

[47:53] Dr. Westfeldt: Don't get me started. I'm going back out to liaise with the other search parties. I'll let you know the minute we have anything at all.

[48:01] Lord Swivelhips: Miss Lucy.

[48:02] Lucy: Lord Swivelhips. Listen, my heart is breaking for you and your family. Should you need anything, anything at all, you just call on me. I'm here for you.

[48:12] Lucy: I appreciate that.

[48:14] Lord Swivelhips: To satisfy your every little need.

[48:17] Lucy: Unfortunately, you cannot provide what I truly need. My dear sister.

[48:21] Lord Swivelhips: That's not what I meant. See, I was talking about the romantic kind.

[48:24] Lucy: Yes, I understood.

[48:26] Lord Swivelhips: I was pretending not to.

[48:28] Lucy: Lord Swivelhips, your behavior is vulgar and predatory. I must insist that you leave at once.

[48:33] Lord Swivelhips: Well, you don't have to be cruel, you know.

[48:40] Lucy: And stay out.

[48:42] Lord Swivelhips: I have left the building.

[48:44] Jonathan: Lucy, are you all right?

[48:46] Lucy: Jonathan. There you are.

[48:48] Jonathan: I am. Thank you, but only just. You missed quite a scene.

[48:53] Lucy: Yes, I saw. He was pretty ghastly.

[48:56] Jonathan: You saw that?

[48:57] Lucy: Yes, I... I didn't want to be rude.

[49:01] Jonathan: You didn't want to be rude?

[49:03] Lucy: Well, he's American. What if he were to challenge me to fisticuffs?

[49:06] Jonathan: Right. Dr. Van Helsing had it well in hand. But next time...

[49:10] Lucy: Yes, next time I need support.

[49:13] Jonathan: I'll make sure to look for Dr. Van Helsing.

[49:16] Jonathan: Lucy, you know I love you, don't you?

[49:18] Lucy: I know you think you do.

[49:20] Jonathan: You're the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me.

[49:23] Lucy: Jonathan, I need to be alone for a while, if you don't mind.

[49:29] Jonathan: Do you want some company?

[49:31] Lucy: Jonathan.

[49:32] Jonathan: I'll see myself out.

[49:36] Lucy: Lucy, my love!

[49:37] Count Dracula: Count! Oh, you're all right! Thank heavens! I assumed Renfield must have gotten to you, too.

[49:43] Lucy: He did. But I made a narrow escape.

[49:45] Count Dracula: You must be hungry. I'll fix you something.

[49:47] Lucy: I had a little snack in Saltwick Park on my way over.

[49:50] Count Dracula: There are restaurants in Saltwick Park?

[49:52] Lucy: I had to see you alone. I have thought of nothing else since our lips touched.

[49:57] Count Dracula: That was a mistake, Count.

[49:58] Lucy: A beautiful mistake. I can't think about this now. My sister...

[50:02] Count Dracula: Your sister is in good hands.

[50:03] Lucy: Good hands? Renfield is a lunatic!

[50:05] Count Dracula: Not everything is as it appears. Take comfort knowing there is more to life than that which you can see in the light of day.

[50:15] Count Dracula: Like this flower in my lapel.

[50:19] Lucy: It looks like...

[50:20] Count Dracula: No, it couldn't be.

[50:22] Lucy: Is that a...

[50:23] Count Dracula: Adromalicus Vitae Vampirius?

[50:26] Lucy: It is indeed.

[50:28] Count Dracula: Have it.

[50:29] Lucy: The book says they're extinct!

[50:31] Count Dracula: Yes, and yet I grew one for you.

[50:34] Lucy: You did? Why?

[50:36] Count Dracula: Oh! Oh, will you look at that? I'm bleeding.

[50:41] Lucy: Oh, isn't that something?

[50:43] Count Dracula: Something delicious.

[50:44] Lucy: What was that?

[50:45] Count Dracula: Auspicious something.

[50:46] Lucy: Auspicious.

[50:48] Count Dracula: I happen to have a handkerchief.

[50:50] Lucy: Oh, thank you so much. I'll have this washed and ironed and return it to you next week.

[50:54] Count Dracula: Oh, don't you dare. I mean, I wouldn't hear of it. I'll just, I'll just take that back from you.

[50:58] Lucy: Oh, no, no, please. It's no problem.

[51:00] Count Dracula: Really, I insist.

[51:01] Lucy: But aren't you worried about the germs?

[51:02] Count Dracula: Give it here! Now!

[51:05] Lucy: Oh!

[51:07] Count Dracula: Where did that come from?

[51:09] Lucy: You inspire it in me. Fate has dealt me a torturous hand. Being near you only reminds me of what I don't have.

[51:19] Count Dracula: You have everything. You don't know what it is to be alone. From the time I was a child, I had to endure the scorn and ridicule of other children in my village. I couldn't swing a cricket bat if my life depended on it. Also, they had never seen a boy in a cape. They bullied me, stormed my house with tortures and horrible epithets. But I got my revenge.

[51:45] Lucy: How's that?

[51:46] Count Dracula: By becoming very good-looking.

[51:50] Count Dracula: Also rich and immortal. That's pretty major.

[51:53] Lucy: But you can only drink and shop and sleep around for so long until it begins to feel like you've eaten too much dessert and you're rotting inside.

[52:03] Count Dracula: Oh, you poor thing. Help me, Lucy. Help me heal. Share my life with me, the good and the bad. Celebrate the extraordinary. Bear witness to the mundane. And this is something I have never said to anyone before in my life.

[52:19] Lucy: Tell me more about you.

[52:21] Count Dracula: Me? Well, I guess I've always wondered why—

[52:24] Lucy: Because the more I think about it, the more I feel I've known you forever. Be my bride, Lucy. Stand next to me. Preferably on the left, because I'm told my right is more appealing. Run away and explore the world with me.

[52:38] Jonathan: Um, Lucy?

[52:40] Lucy: Jonathan!

[52:41] Jonathan: I'm so sorry to interrupt, but your father is back with some news. He's asking for you.

[52:45] Lucy: I'll go find him. Excuse me, Count.

[52:49] Count Dracula: Will I see you later?

[52:51] Lucy: Of course. I should be going as well.

[52:56] Jonathan: Wait. Count Dracula, might I have a word?

[53:00] Count Dracula: Absolutely. Tomorrow?

[53:03] Jonathan: Please. Just a moment of your time.

[53:06] Count Dracula: Very well. What is it?

[53:08] Jonathan: Yes. I was wondering, how is it that you can be so, so brazen, so heroic, so fearless in life?

[53:21] Count Dracula: You think I'm fearless?

[53:22] Jonathan: Of course. Look at you. What could you possibly be afraid of? Mirrors? Crosses? Dying alone?

[53:31] Count Dracula: That's a big one for me, too. But I deal with it.

[53:34] Jonathan: How?

[53:34] Count Dracula: By focusing on the powers I have been graced with.

[53:38] Jonathan: I'm afraid that wouldn't take me very long. I haven't any powers. I'm no hero.

[53:44] Count Dracula: Perhaps not. But I've been around long enough to know that anyone who claims they're a hero probably isn't. My friend, however powerless you feel right now, never forget that you always have the power to surprise yourself.

[54:03] Jonathan: I suppose you're right.

[54:05] Count Dracula: Also, it wouldn't hurt to hit the gym. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to make myself scarce.

[54:13] Lucy: You're still here?

[54:16] Count Dracula: Sorry. Wardrobe malfunction. I'll just... I'll just... Excuse me.

[54:31] Lucy: Bye-bye.

[54:32] Jonathan: Is the Count gone?

[54:34] Lucy: Yes, just.

[54:36] Jonathan: He has a habit of disappearing at convenient moments. I can't help but wonder if he's somehow connected to all this mischief.

[54:45] Wallis: Jean, John, can we have a word? Father's got something frightfully important to tell us.

[54:50] Jonathan: Of course. What is it, Wallis?

[54:51] Wallis: Apparently, there was another attack in town this evening.

[54:55] Lucy: Isn't it awful?

[54:56] Wallis: In Whitby?

[54:57] Lucy: Near Saltwick Park.

[54:59] Wallis: Wait.

[55:00] Lucy: Saltwick Park?

[55:01] Wallis: What time?

[55:01] Lucy: Just an hour ago, the girl had the same marks on her neck.

[55:05] Wallis: My God, how gruesome.

[55:08] Wallis: And a Vita Vampirius flower in her hand.

[55:12] Jonathan: Vita Vampirius. I must speak with her.

[55:14] Wallis: Unfortunately, the girl is dead.

[55:17] Jonathan: So quickly?

[55:19] Wallis: She was hit by a horse and carriage as she ran from her attacker.

[55:22] Lucy: Renfield!

[55:23] Wallis: He's still in Whitby.

[55:25] Jonathan: Are we certain that Renfield is dead?

[55:29] Lucy: Renfield is the killer?

[55:30] Wallis: Who else could it be? This is a small village and I like to jump to conclusions.

[55:34] Lucy: Unless...

[55:35] Wallis: Yes?

[55:36] Lucy: It would have to be someone we've only ever seen at night.

[55:40] Wallis: Yes, and someone who's allergic to garlic.

[55:44] Lucy: You're getting warmer.

[55:46] Wallis: And that captain's log mentioned bite marks on the necks of those sailors.

[55:50] Lucy: And there was only one survivor.

[55:51] Wallis: What are you saying?

[55:53] Lucy: Count Dracula is a vampire.

[55:55] Wallis: Oh.

[56:01] Lucy: I can't believe how long it took us to figure that out.

[56:04] Wallis: We must find him and free Mina at once. And then destroy him before he strikes again.

[56:09] Jonathan: Lucy, you are to stay home.

[56:11] Lucy: I want to come, father.

[56:12] Wallis: Please, I've already lost one daughter. I cannot bear to lose you.

[56:16] Jonathan: I will join me.

[56:17] Lucy: I will?

[56:17] Jonathan: It's all right. You don't need to go, really.

[56:20] Lucy: No. No, I'm going.

[56:23] Jonathan: Are you sure?

[56:24] Lucy: In sickness and in health.

[56:26] Jonathan: Please, be careful.

[56:27] Lucy: That may be the one thing you don't have to worry about.

[56:30] Jonathan: Grab a torch. We're going vampire hunting.

[56:38] Lucy: Can these horses ride any faster? We've not a minute to waste.

[56:42] Jonathan: Butterscotch is rather unsteady in all this fog. Shouldn't we err on the side of caution?

[56:47] Lucy: It's too late for caution, Jonathan. We must save Mina's soul.

[56:51] Wallis: Be warned. She will be prone to violent behavior.

[56:54] Jonathan: Violent?

[56:55] Wallis: Yes. And anyone she bites would be affected similarly.

[56:59] Jonathan: You know, I'm thinking this isn't quite safe. And tonight is laundry night, so...

[57:03] Lucy: Jonathan?

[57:04] Jonathan: They're approaching the malls. I can feel it in the air.

[57:12] Wallis: Carfax is just on the other side of this cemetery.

[57:16] Lucy: It's awfully dark. You know what? Why don't you go directly through the cemetery while I scout out the well-lit perimeter?

[57:27] Jonathan: Do you see what I see? Fresh footprints. And an old box of baking powder. He's clearly been here very recently.

[57:34] Lucy: Well spotted. I say, you really are very perceptive. You're a good sight cleverer than any womb...

[57:41] Jonathan: I'm sorry. Any doctor I've met before.

[57:45] Lucy: I have to apologize. It seems I misjudged you when you first arrived. That was my mistake. And I feel like a gas bag.

[57:54] Jonathan: That's quite all right, Wallace. It takes a very big man to admit his mistakes.

[58:00] Lucy: And I happen to be partial to a very big man.

[58:04] Jonathan: I see.

[58:05] Dr. Van Helsing: Perhaps when all this is over, we could see each other in a less macabre context?

[58:14] Lucy: Yeah, I would like that.

[58:17] Dr. Van Helsing: And please, call me Jean.

[58:20] Grave Digger: Careful, missus.

[58:21] Lucy: Oh, oh.

[58:23] Grave Digger: It's just a grave digger. Strange goings on in there tonight.

[58:26] Lucy: What do you mean? Grave robbers? Hooligans?

[58:29] Grave Digger: No, sir. But most peculiar thing, I just started me night shift when I noticed what looked like a cape fluttering in the wind. I ran outside to see what it was. And I could have swore it was a Grim Reaper himself, all in black. And then suddenly, he just lifted off the ground and flew into the sky like he was a bird or a bat or something.

[58:54] Lucy: A bat? Are you sure?

[58:56] Grave Digger: Truth be told, I am very drunk. Still, which way did he fly?

[59:01] Grave Digger: Towards Carfax.

[59:03] Jonathan: Of course, Dracula. Thank you for your help, young man.

[59:07] Grave Digger: I'm a woman.

[59:10] Count Dracula: Lucy, my queen. Look at you sleeping soundly in your beautiful bed. The way your chest moves gently up and down with each delicate breath. Now that I have tasted your blood in me now, I want you even more.

[59:32] Lucy: Oh, Jonathan, it's you.

[59:34] Count Dracula: It's not Jonathan.

[59:36] Lucy: Count! What have you done with my sister?

[59:38] Count Dracula: She's in a better place now.

[59:40] Lucy: You killed her?

[59:41] Count Dracula: What? No. She's at my house. It's very comfortable. I got cable last week.

[59:45] Lucy: You must return her at once.

[59:49] Count Dracula: I shall, when you agree to be with me for all eternity.

[59:53] Lucy: All eternity? Is there room for negotiation?

[59:57] Count Dracula: No. I am the only one who truly loves you without reservation.

[1:00:01] Lucy: You do not know the meaning of the word.

[1:00:03] Count Dracula: Reservation?

[1:00:04] Lucy: No, love.

[1:00:05] Count Dracula: What are you talking about?

[1:00:06] Lucy: I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you. How many women have you been with this week alone?

[1:00:10] Count Dracula: Me, my sister, that poor girl in Saltwick Park. They meant nothing to me.

[1:00:16] Count Dracula: It is you I really desire.

[1:00:19] Lucy: If you really believe you love me, then you must release Mina before we go any further.

[1:00:25] Count Dracula: I don't have much time. The sun is starting to rise. Let me save my sister first. And tomorrow, I shall be yours.

[1:00:35] Count Dracula: Sweet. Until tomorrow.

[1:00:39] Jonathan: This is it. The crumbling old mansion I sold him. Count Dracula! We demand to see you.

[1:00:51] Lucy: So we can kill you.

[1:00:53] Jonathan: Let's not lead with that.

[1:00:54] Kitty: Blimey! You can't just go walking into people's...

[1:00:59] Jonathan: Doctor, who is Phil?

[1:01:00] Kitty: Kitty! What are you doing here? What has he done to you?

[1:01:03] Kitty: Well, paid me a living wage is what he done. And got me a new therapist to treat my little pathology.

[1:01:10] Jonathan: Is that our harpsichord?

[1:01:12] Kitty: No. What can I do for you?

[1:01:16] Jonathan: Where is Mina? We demand to see her now.

[1:01:19] Kitty: Go right ahead. She's floating around here somewhere.

[1:01:22] Jonathan: Wonderful. Please go get her.

[1:01:25] Kitty: Not in me job description.

[1:01:26] Jonathan: Wait, Kitty! That was rude. If we want to save Mina, we have no choice but to split up into groups.

[1:01:30] Lucy: Groups? There's three of us.

[1:01:35] Jonathan: Right, I'll go with Wallace. See you soon, Jonathan. Godspeed!

[1:01:39] Kitty: But I thought...

[1:01:51] Lucy: Perhaps I ought to sing to make myself a little less afraid.

[1:01:54] Jonathan: Yes.

[1:01:56] Lucy: Rain drops on roses. Oh, look at that. It worked. And whiskers on kittens.

[1:02:10] Jonathan: Hello?

[1:02:12] Lucy: Hello, is someone there?

[1:02:15] Jonathan: Yes, that's me.

[1:02:18] Lucy: Is that you, Mina?

[1:02:22] Mina: There's a glow about you.

[1:02:24] Lucy: Vampire bites do that to a girl. It actually really works for you. Please come closer.

[1:02:32] Mina: I was told to keep my distance. The doctors were very clear about the dangers of infection. And I've no handiwipes.

[1:02:39] Lucy: You don't know what it is to be alone.

[1:02:44] Mina: Mina, your teeth look so sharp.

[1:02:48] Lucy: Don't come any closer.

[1:02:49] Mina: No, please.

[1:03:02] Jonathan: Hello?

[1:03:07] Lucy: Mina?

[1:03:09] Jonathan: Mina, can you hear me?

[1:03:10] Lucy: Lucy!

[1:03:11] Jonathan: Father! Have you found Mina?

[1:03:13] Wallis: Dracula came back and told me everything. He has her here.

[1:03:17] Lucy: Lucy, I told you to stay at home. I don't want you involved any longer.

[1:03:21] Lucy: But I am involved. I am the best hope we have for saving Mina and vanquishing the Count.

[1:03:26] Wallis: You defied my wishes.

[1:03:27] Lucy: Yes, I did. I don't understand you. You are always running toward danger.

[1:03:33] Wallis: Can you blame me? My father taught me the value of helping people, no matter the stakes.

[1:03:42] Wallis: Father, you need my help.

[1:03:45] Wallis: You're as stubborn as your mother was. And you're right. We can't do this without you.

[1:03:51] Lucy: Oh, Daddy. Thank you.

[1:03:54] Wallis: Where is Jonathan?

[1:03:55] Lucy: Searching for Mina.

[1:03:56] Wallis: By himself?

[1:03:57] Lucy: Yes. You'd have been very proud of him.

[1:04:00] Wallis: Proud of who?

[1:04:05] Jonathan: Jonathan! Where is your shirt?

[1:04:08] Jonathan: I was feeling kind of hot.

[1:04:12] Lucy: Are those leather pants?

[1:04:14] Jonathan: Yeah, baby. With lace-up crotch.

[1:04:17] Lucy: Did you find Mina?

[1:04:18] Jonathan: No, I did not. Cher found me.

[1:04:23] Jonathan: And bite marks.

[1:04:24] Lucy: That's right. Mina says hi, by the way.

[1:04:26] Jonathan: Jonathan, did you and Mina...

[1:04:29] Jonathan: Oh, come on, babe. It was an innocent bite, followed by an innocent sock.

[1:04:36] Lucy: I beg your pardon?

[1:04:37] Jonathan: On the neck. You should be proud.

[1:04:39] Lucy: Oh, no. Not him, too.

[1:04:41] Doctor: Look at those fangs. How do we save them, Doctor?

[1:04:44] Doctor: The only way is to kill the vampire that infected Mina.

[1:04:48] Unknown speaker: What about Jonathan? If we kill Dracula, he'll be free as well.

[1:04:51] Unknown speaker: Ah, it's like a pyramid scheme.

[1:04:53] Unknown speaker: Correct. Jonathan, have you seen any sign of the Count? He must be sleeping somewhere here. The sun is up.

[1:05:00] Unknown speaker: Let's ask Kitty, shall we?

[1:05:02] Kitty: Kitty? I love the Count in London.

[1:05:05] Unknown speaker: In London?

[1:05:06] Unknown speaker: What's he doing there?

[1:05:07] Unknown speaker: Probably seeing a play and buying a trench coat. I think he's sent Renfield ahead with the coffins and the other things.

[1:05:13] Unknown speaker: Coffins? Dear God, what is he planning?

[1:05:16] Unknown speaker: The coffins from the shipwreck, of course. They belong to the Count. They were filled with earth, weren't they?

[1:05:23] Unknown speaker: I said too much already, so I might as well tell you the rest.

[1:05:28] Unknown speaker: Go on.

[1:05:29] Unknown speaker: He brought the earth from Transylvania because it's the only way he can hold on to his powers.

[1:05:34] Unknown speaker: He's safe sleeping in any of them. We must go to London with a wooden stake to drive through his heart.

[1:05:40] Unknown speaker: Jonathan sold him five properties. He must be in one of them.

[1:05:44] Unknown speaker: We must search all of them until we find him.

[1:05:46] Unknown speaker: What about Mina?

[1:05:47] Unknown speaker: If that monster is in London, then she is safer here.

[1:05:51] Unknown speaker: Very well, then.

[1:05:52] Unknown speaker: To London!

[1:05:58] Unknown speaker: I say, this carriage ride is awfully bumpy, isn't it?

[1:06:02] Unknown speaker: I suppose you're going to tell me to put on my seatbelt.

[1:06:04] Unknown speaker: Hell no. It's bloody good fun. Let's live on the edge. Kiss me.

[1:06:14] Unknown speaker: Jonathan! What has gotten into you?

[1:06:17] Unknown speaker: Vampire blood, I assume?

[1:06:19] Unknown speaker: You're terrible. Let's do it again.

[1:06:25] Unknown speaker: We want to get him before he rises at dusk.

[1:06:28] Unknown speaker: We should travel from east to west to beat the sunset.

[1:06:31] Unknown speaker: We'll start in Greenwich, then on to Westminster and soak.

[1:06:34] Doctor: Doctor, is there any way we might keep him like this, just a little?

[1:06:39] Doctor: I'm afraid not, Lucy.

[1:06:41] Lucy: Then I'd better get my kicks in now.

[1:06:43] Jonathan: Jonathan, lips.

[1:06:45] Unknown speaker: Yes, ma'am.

[1:06:47] Unknown speaker: I really don't want to be watching this.

[1:06:50] Unknown speaker: Not a problem. I'll just close this divider curtain and give you two some privacy.

[1:06:56] Unknown speaker: Ah, sort it all. Just sing with me.

[1:06:58] Unknown speaker: London bridges falling down my throne.

[1:07:05] Unknown speaker: This must be it. The map shows that Cutty's out just across the street.

[1:07:10] Unknown speaker: That gargoyle wasn't there when I sold it to him.

[1:07:13] Unknown speaker: The mark of a vampire.

[1:07:15] Unknown speaker: Look at this sign.

[1:07:16] Unknown speaker: Deliveries in the rear. Only accepted after sunset.

[1:07:21] Unknown speaker: Kinky. Let me at that miscreant now.

[1:07:24] Unknown speaker: Write carefully, Wallace.

[1:07:28] Unknown speaker: Empty.

[1:07:29] Unknown speaker: I can smell his cologne. He must be here.

[1:07:32] Unknown speaker: The Count was more interested in the basement.

[1:07:35] Unknown speaker: Of course. The basement. That's where he must be.

[1:07:39] Unknown speaker: Right this way.

[1:07:45] Unknown speaker: It's a few flights down.

[1:07:51] Unknown speaker: Of course. He wants to be as far from the sun's rays as possible.

[1:07:55] Unknown speaker: Just a few more.

[1:07:58] Unknown speaker: How many? We must be under the Thames by now.

[1:08:01] Unknown speaker: Last one.

[1:08:10] Unknown speaker: Here we are. Pitch black.

[1:08:13] Unknown speaker: I can't see a thing.

[1:08:15] Unknown speaker: Does someone have a match?

[1:08:17] Unknown speaker: I think I feel a candle.

[1:08:20] Unknown speaker: That's a good sign.

[1:08:22] Unknown speaker: I'll go and get it.

[1:08:24] Unknown speaker: I think I feel a candle.

[1:08:27] Unknown speaker: That's not a candle.

[1:08:29] Unknown speaker: Jonathan. But this is...

[1:08:34] Unknown speaker: A coffin.

[1:08:35] Unknown speaker: Jonathan, quickly. It's the stake.

[1:08:38] Unknown speaker: Ready.

[1:08:39] Unknown speaker: All right, Wallace. I want you to slowly open the lid.

[1:08:42] Unknown speaker: Ready.

[1:08:43] Unknown speaker: On the count of three.

[1:08:44] Unknown speaker: Heaven help us.

[1:08:45] Unknown speaker: With this blow, I extinguish the dark flames of evil that have burned for centuries.

[1:08:51] Unknown speaker: One.

[1:08:52] Unknown speaker: Two.

[1:08:54] Unknown speaker: Two and a half.

[1:08:56] Unknown speaker: Three.

[1:08:57] Unknown speaker: Die, you bloodsucking scourge of the planet. Die, die, die.

[1:09:04] Unknown speaker: He's not in there.

[1:09:05] Unknown speaker: He must be at one of the other properties.

[1:09:07] Unknown speaker: To Westminster.

[1:09:08] Unknown speaker: Montage.

[1:09:12] Unknown speaker: He said he wanted a view of Big Ben.

[1:09:14] Unknown speaker: Can't get much closer than this.

[1:09:15] Unknown speaker: Now where would the coffin be?

[1:09:17] Unknown speaker: It's the darkest location in the apartment.

[1:09:19] Unknown speaker: The pantry.

[1:09:21] Unknown speaker: You know the drill.

[1:09:22] Unknown speaker: One.

[1:09:23] Unknown speaker: Two.

[1:09:24] Unknown speaker: Two and a half.

[1:09:26] Unknown speaker: Three.

[1:09:28] Unknown speaker: Empty again.

[1:09:29] Unknown speaker: To Piccadilly Circus.

[1:09:32] Unknown speaker: The flat is just above the old Shaftesbury Theatre.

[1:09:34] Unknown speaker: What's playing?

[1:09:35] Unknown speaker: Mamma Mia.

[1:09:36] Unknown speaker: Here we go again.

[1:09:37] Unknown speaker: One.

[1:09:38] Unknown speaker: Two.

[1:09:39] Unknown speaker: Two and a half.

[1:09:41] Unknown speaker: Three.

[1:09:43] Unknown speaker: Nothing.

[1:09:44] Unknown speaker: To Knightsbridge.

[1:09:46] Unknown speaker: He wasn't there.

[1:09:47] Unknown speaker: But we did buy some beautiful clothing at Harrods.

[1:09:50] Unknown speaker: We've been through all the properties.

[1:09:52] Unknown speaker: Only one remains.

[1:09:53] Unknown speaker: To Abbey Road.

[1:09:55] Unknown speaker: Abbey Road.

[1:09:56] Unknown speaker: It certainly is long and winding.

[1:09:58] Unknown speaker: With a spiffy view of the Octopus's Garden in the shade.

[1:10:01] Unknown speaker: Let it be.

[1:10:02] Unknown speaker: Forget it.

[1:10:03] Unknown speaker: The Beatles.

[1:10:04] Unknown speaker: Did someone say Beatles?

[1:10:05] Renfield: Renfield.

[1:10:06] Unknown speaker: Stay away from Lucy.

[1:10:07] Unknown speaker: I command you.

[1:10:09] Renfield: I'm sorry.

[1:10:10] Renfield: I'm at the mercy of the Count.

[1:10:11] Renfield: He has cursed me.

[1:10:12] Renfield: It's awful.

[1:10:13] Renfield: Like an unpaid internship.

[1:10:15] Unknown speaker: I'll tie him up.

[1:10:17] Unknown speaker: Nice work, Jonathan.

[1:10:19] Unknown speaker: We should try that later.

[1:10:20] Unknown speaker: Not listening.

[1:10:21] Unknown speaker: Look.

[1:10:22] Unknown speaker: The fifth coffin.

[1:10:24] Unknown speaker: This is the moment we've waited for.

[1:10:27] Unknown speaker: One.

[1:10:28] Unknown speaker: Two.

[1:10:29] Unknown speaker: Two and a half.

[1:10:31] Unknown speaker: Three.

[1:10:33] Unknown speaker: Bollocks.

[1:10:34] Unknown speaker: Nothing.

[1:10:35] Unknown speaker: Again.

[1:10:36] Unknown speaker: Where can he be?

[1:10:38] Unknown speaker: I sold him five properties in London and we've seen them all.

[1:10:41] Unknown speaker: All the properties?

[1:10:42] Unknown speaker: Perhaps.

[1:10:43] Unknown speaker: But not all the coffins.

[1:10:45] Unknown speaker: Is that what you mean?

[1:10:46] Unknown speaker: The ship's manifest listed six coffins.

[1:10:48] Unknown speaker: Six?

[1:10:49] Unknown speaker: But that means the last coffin...

[1:10:51] Unknown speaker: He's back at Carfax.

[1:10:53] Unknown speaker: He must have been sleeping there all along.

[1:10:55] Unknown speaker: I don't understand.

[1:10:56] Unknown speaker: Kitty said...

[1:10:57] Unknown speaker: Kitty is a compulsive liar.

[1:10:59] Unknown speaker: I thought she was a kleptomaniac.

[1:11:01] Unknown speaker: Mental health is an inexact science.

[1:11:03] Unknown speaker: We've got to get there before sunset.

[1:11:05] Unknown speaker: To Carfax!

[1:11:07] Unknown speaker: We made excellent time.

[1:11:09] Unknown speaker: This way.

[1:11:10] Unknown speaker: Toward the crypt.

[1:11:11] Unknown speaker: The sun is almost down.

[1:11:13] Unknown speaker: Careful on these stairs.

[1:11:14] Unknown speaker: They are old and unstable.

[1:11:16] Unknown speaker: In real estate we call that authentic charm.

[1:11:23] Unknown speaker: This is it.

[1:11:24] Unknown speaker: Without question.

[1:11:25] Unknown speaker: The absolute and empirical final, final coffin.

[1:11:29] Unknown speaker: One.

[1:11:30] Unknown speaker: Two.

[1:11:31] Unknown speaker: Two and a half.

[1:11:35] Unknown speaker: Count Dracula.

[1:11:36] Unknown speaker: Prepare to meet your doom.

[1:11:38] Unknown speaker: You have brought nothing but misery to this family.

[1:11:40] Unknown speaker: What about the babka?

[1:11:42] Unknown speaker: That was good.

[1:11:44] Unknown speaker: What have you done with Mina?

[1:11:46] Unknown speaker: She's died up where you'll never find her.

[1:11:48] Unknown speaker: Her transition is almost complete.

[1:11:50] Unknown speaker: Help!

[1:11:52] Lucy: Lucy!

[1:11:53] Unknown speaker: Father?

[1:11:54] Unknown speaker: Is that you?

[1:11:56] Unknown speaker: We're going to save you, Mina!

[1:11:58] Unknown speaker: Remain calm!

[1:12:01] Unknown speaker: Good idea!

[1:12:03] Unknown speaker: It's not working!

[1:12:05] Unknown speaker: Hurry!

[1:12:06] Unknown speaker: You wretched creature!

[1:12:08] Unknown speaker: I won't let you kill my sister!

[1:12:10] Unknown speaker: Or my fiancé!

[1:12:11] Unknown speaker: Or my patient Renfield!

[1:12:12] Unknown speaker: Or my doctor!

[1:12:14] Unknown speaker: Or Jean Van Helsing!

[1:12:15] Unknown speaker: Or Renfield!

[1:12:16] Unknown speaker: We've covered him already.

[1:12:17] Unknown speaker: Right.

[1:12:18] Unknown speaker: Or Kitty!

[1:12:20] Kitty: So swing of you to think of me!

[1:12:22] Unknown speaker: I'm just a peripheral character!

[1:12:24] Unknown speaker: Enough!

[1:12:26] Lucy: Lucy!

[1:12:28] Unknown speaker: Remember our agreement.

[1:12:30] Unknown speaker: In your heart.

[1:12:32] Unknown speaker: You know I am the one you want to be with.

[1:12:34] Lucy: Why would I want to be with you for eternity?

[1:12:35] Unknown speaker: Free healthcare?

[1:12:38] Unknown speaker: I'm English.

[1:12:39] Unknown speaker: It's already free.

[1:12:41] Unknown speaker: But we have something real.

[1:12:43] Unknown speaker: And I want the world to know I love you.

[1:12:45] Unknown speaker: That's right.

[1:12:47] Unknown speaker: I love Lucy!

[1:12:49] Unknown speaker: Why, you son of a-

[1:12:51] Unknown speaker: Count, you do not love me!

[1:12:53] Unknown speaker: Love is selfless.

[1:12:55] Unknown speaker: Have you managed even one selfless act in your entire life?

[1:12:58] Unknown speaker: Have you ever had the courage to do that?

[1:13:00] Unknown speaker: To risk change?

[1:13:02] Unknown speaker: That's the difference between you and Jonathan.

[1:13:04] Unknown speaker: That's the difference?

[1:13:06] Unknown speaker: It wasn't easy for him, but yes.

[1:13:08] Unknown speaker: He worked past his fears.

[1:13:09] Unknown speaker: And he did it for me.

[1:13:11] Unknown speaker: Only because he has my blood in him.

[1:13:13] Unknown speaker: And if I die, all that dies too.

[1:13:15] Unknown speaker: Even if it does,

[1:13:17] Unknown speaker: I will still have the memory.

[1:13:19] Unknown speaker: So if you have to hurt me,

[1:13:21] Unknown speaker: hurt me.

[1:13:23] Unknown speaker: Just please,

[1:13:25] Unknown speaker: if you feel anything for me at all,

[1:13:27] Unknown speaker: leave my family alone.

[1:13:29] Unknown speaker: How...

[1:13:31] Unknown speaker: kind.

[1:13:33] Unknown speaker: Maybe you're right.

[1:13:35] Unknown speaker: Maybe I've just been in it for myself all along.

[1:13:36] Unknown speaker: I never thought of myself as a narcissist.

[1:13:38] Unknown speaker: I mean, a narcissist

[1:13:40] Unknown speaker: couldn't be this handsome.

[1:13:42] Unknown speaker: But now,

[1:13:44] Unknown speaker: I see they can.

[1:13:46] Unknown speaker: I mean,

[1:13:48] Unknown speaker: look at me.

[1:13:50] Unknown speaker: No, seriously, everyone,

[1:13:52] Unknown speaker: look at me.

[1:13:54] Unknown speaker: It's time I did something for someone else.

[1:13:56] Unknown speaker: Jonathan,

[1:13:58] Unknown speaker: you said you wanted to become a hero.

[1:14:00] Unknown speaker: Now's your chance.

[1:14:02] Unknown speaker: You know what to do.

[1:14:04] Unknown speaker: You know what to do.

[1:14:10] Jonathan: I can't go through with it.

[1:14:12] Jonathan: I'm not like you.

[1:14:14] Jonathan: Nothing could make me go so far

[1:14:16] Jonathan: as to take another life.

[1:14:18] Unknown speaker: I see.

[1:14:20] Unknown speaker: Did I mention I kissed your girlfriend?

[1:14:22] Jonathan: Die, you handsome son of a...

[1:14:23] Unknown speaker: It is done.

[1:14:25] Unknown speaker: And so

[1:14:27] Unknown speaker: am

[1:14:29] Unknown speaker: I.

[1:14:38] Unknown speaker: 7th July, 1898.

[1:14:40] Unknown speaker: I am

[1:14:42] Unknown speaker: the

[1:14:44] Unknown speaker: one

[1:14:46] Unknown speaker: who

[1:14:48] Unknown speaker: will

[1:14:50] Unknown speaker: be

[1:14:52] Unknown speaker: free.

[1:14:54] Unknown speaker: I, 1898.

[1:14:56] Unknown speaker: Almost nine months have passed

[1:14:58] Unknown speaker: and things have finally returned to normal

[1:15:00] Unknown speaker: at the Westveld home.

[1:15:02] Unknown speaker: Mina has made a complete recovery

[1:15:04] Unknown speaker: with the fringe benefit

[1:15:06] Unknown speaker: of some highly compelling

[1:15:08] Unknown speaker: dinner party conversation.

[1:15:10] Unknown speaker: Dr. Westveld has given up his practice

[1:15:12] Unknown speaker: to join me in the pursuit

[1:15:14] Unknown speaker: of the supernatural

[1:15:16] Unknown speaker: and a cozy domestic partnership.

[1:15:18] Unknown speaker: Kitty never quite conquered

[1:15:20] Unknown speaker: her kleptomania

[1:15:22] Unknown speaker: and politics.

[1:15:24] Unknown speaker: As for Lucy and Jonathan

[1:15:26] Unknown speaker: their bumpy carriage ride

[1:15:28] Unknown speaker: yielded an unexpected bump of its own

[1:15:30] Unknown speaker: which Lucy showed with pride

[1:15:32] Unknown speaker: on her wedding day.

[1:15:34] Lucy: Watch it, darling.

[1:15:36] Lucy: Don't want to step on your train.

[1:15:38] Jonathan: Jonathan, I'm fine.

[1:15:40] Jonathan: But the floor is slick.

[1:15:42] Unknown speaker: You know, although there is no one

[1:15:44] Unknown speaker: I would rather spend the next 50 years with

[1:15:46] Unknown speaker: I must confess I sometimes

[1:15:48] Unknown speaker: miss the old you.

[1:15:50] Unknown speaker: The new old you.

[1:15:52] Unknown speaker: The me before you went back to being.

[1:15:54] Lucy: I thought you might say that

[1:15:56] Lucy: which is why I brought a cape

[1:15:58] Lucy: for later.

[1:16:00] Jonathan: Oh, Jonathan.

[1:16:02] Unknown speaker: It's funny.

[1:16:04] Unknown speaker: It seems that in order

[1:16:06] Unknown speaker: to truly learn how to live

[1:16:08] Unknown speaker: we had to almost die.

[1:16:10] Lucy: Lucy Westveld

[1:16:12] Unknown speaker: I'd rather share one lifetime with you

[1:16:14] Unknown speaker: than eternity with everyone else.

[1:16:16] Unknown speaker: Darling, the baby, the baby.

[1:16:18] Unknown speaker: What is it?

[1:16:20] Unknown speaker: I just felt a kick.

[1:16:22] Unknown speaker: What?

[1:16:24] Unknown speaker: A bite.

[1:16:34] Unknown speaker: Dracula, a Comedy of Terrors

[1:16:36] Unknown speaker: was written by Gordon Greenberg

[1:16:38] Unknown speaker: and Steve Rosen

[1:16:40] Unknown speaker: Directed by Gordon Greenberg

[1:16:42] Unknown speaker: Associate directed by Marty Maguire

[1:16:44] Unknown speaker: Edited, mixed and sound designed

[1:16:46] Unknown speaker: by Bart Fassbender

[1:16:48] Unknown speaker: Original music and sound designed

[1:16:50] Unknown speaker: by Victoria D'Orio

[1:16:52] Unknown speaker: Costine and Alan Seales

[1:16:54] Unknown speaker: for the Broadway Podcast Network

[1:16:56] Unknown speaker: The cast featured in alphabetical order

[1:16:58] Unknown speaker: Anna Lee Ashford as Mina Westveld

[1:17:00] Unknown speaker: Laura Benanti as Van Helsing

[1:17:02] Unknown speaker: Alex Brightman as Renfield

[1:17:04] Unknown speaker: Kathy Fitzgerald as Kitty

[1:17:06] Unknown speaker: James Monroe Iglehart as Wallace Westveld

[1:17:08] Unknown speaker: Richard Kind as the ship's captain

[1:17:10] Unknown speaker: Jeff Kready as Jonathan Harker

[1:17:12] Unknown speaker: Rob McClure as Lord Cavendish

[1:17:14] Unknown speaker: Lord Windsor and Gravedigger

[1:17:16] Unknown speaker: Orville Mendoza as the bosun

[1:17:18] Unknown speaker: Ashley Park as the captain

[1:17:20] Unknown speaker: John Stamos as Lucy Westfeld

[1:17:22] Unknown speaker: Steve Rosen as the carriage driver

[1:17:24] Unknown speaker: Christopher Sieber as Count Dracula

[1:17:26] Unknown speaker: John Stamos as Lord Swivelhips

[1:17:28] Unknown speaker: and I'm your narrator, Alan Tudyk

[1:17:33] Unknown speaker: Copyright 2020, Greenberg and Rosen. All rights reserved.