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[0:04] Kerry Butler: Once I played a penny who just couldn't stop the bead. Yes, with all their skits on her feet. Oh, those are just recently to see a real quo. Use a club version of Tina. Now come with me, Emma. I am your host, Miss Kerry Butler. Together, you and I are breaking Runaway.

[0:54] Kerry Butler: Hey, it's Kerry Butler. Welcome to Breaking Broadway. It's Mental Health Month, and something that I thought would be good for mental health month would be hearing rejection stories. That may sound depressing, but I always find it really inspiring when people I admire, I know that they've been through a lot of rejection. I love reading about rejection stories. So I thought I would share some rejection stories with you all this month. So here's my rejection story. When I was nine years old, I saw Annie, and that was it.

[1:43] Kerry Butler: And you know, when you start getting really close, you just can taste it. And then I, uh, you know, they did the cut thing where they would read off the names of these girls and then say, okay, and you guys can go. And I made a bunch of the cuts, but then I didn't make the final cut. So I was devastated. Cut to like a year later, they were making the Annie movie. And so I got to audition for that. And um, I, you know, I got to be put on tape, and then one day I came home from school and there was a message on my answering machine. Beep, yes, we're calling to tell you that you've been cast as one of the orphans in the Annie movie. So me and my family are screaming, jumping up and down. Then there was another message on the answering machine. Beep, please disregard that last message. We dialed the wrong number. So that was devastating. But I'm still here. I made it. I never got an Annie. Still trying. Uh, but I didn't let that stop me.

[2:50] Kerry Butler: And um, oh, and then right after that, I got to perform in Youngstars, which many of you probably have heard me talk about before. That's where I met Seth Rodetsky, and we would perform all of these songs with all these kids who were in actual Broadway shows. A lot of the kids were in Annie, even like Sarah Jessica Parker started there or you know, performed there. And um, we would get paid an ice cream sundae. So that was enough to keep me going, um, and keep me pursuing my dreams.

[3:21] Kerry Butler: So, first up to share their rejection story is the incredible Constantine Maroulis, who I had the pleasure of performing in Rock of Ages with.

[3:31] Constantine Maroulis: What's happening, world? It's your boy Constantine Maroulis here. That's right. I don't know, Tony-nominated star of Rock of Ages, your mom's favorite American Idol finalist, Kerry Butler, president of her fan club.

[3:46] Constantine Maroulis: Hello. So rejection has played a huge part in my life. I mean, where do I begin? I think probably most recently, the summer of 2019. We're talking what, six months before the world shutdown. I feel like I was up for every single project, right? Everything. Broadway, television, film, touring, rock and roll, this, that, the other. All these cool things were going on, right? But for whatever reason, I wasn't booking. I would get all the way down to the end. Oh, we're gonna get an offer, we're gonna get an offer. We never get the offer.

[4:26] Constantine Maroulis: Now I'm living in New Jersey these days, so I drive in for most of these meetings, and that's fine. Um, I don't mind at all, but often, you know, there's a lot of traffic coming home, so if I have like a mid-afternoon meeting, I'll hang out and you know, maybe wait out the traffic, and I think maybe the stress of um did I get the job? Am I gonna get the job? Whatever, let me go meet up with the boys at the bar. I'm not a big drinker. I found myself drinking a lot. I'm not a big smoker of the flower, but I found myself doing a lot of that, and with the vaping and the pen, it became so much easier.

[5:12] Constantine Maroulis: And I think those rejections and those letdowns, and even though everyone's telling you how great you're doing, you're doing great. Everyone's loving you, the feedback is amazing, you're getting all the way there. It's not about you, it's matching, you know, it's out of your hands, and every cliché they tell you, it was destroying me inside. It was just eating me away. And I was having so much self-doubt. And I feel like I was self-medicating. You know, I'm certainly no addict, but I feel like I was really leaning into alcohol and the flour to maybe escape.

[5:47] Constantine Maroulis: And then it's like, I gotta drive home, you know, back to Jersey, back to my family, and this is not cool. What am I doing? Developed this sort of like weird cough, kept going to the doctor, getting tested for everything. She's like, you're fine. No, no infection, no, you know, your lungs are crystal clear. But I'm like, I don't know, something's wrong. Something's wrong. So I was like, well, you know, no drinking, no, no flour. Give it a few weeks. Give it a few months. And frankly, it's been on the other side of two and a half years, and I've never felt better.

[6:33] Constantine Maroulis: And I think that rejection allowed me to see that I needed to make a change in my life. Um, I've never been more productive. I put out a record over the pandemic. I've been touring. I have a bunch of great projects I'm proud of, and that I really believe in in the works. And although I've had a great deal of rejection, we have, we all have, um, from, you know, the American Idol days to my first auditions in New York to schools and whatnot, um, agents. Something about that summer of 2019 before the pandemic, I'm so glad I made that choice that I was, you know, hip enough to what was going on with me that I knew I needed to make a change.

[7:22] Constantine Maroulis: Because if I was leaning into that stuff during the shutdown when the sky was falling at first, and you know, one of my best friends was in a coma. I don't know. I don't know if I would have gotten through it. But that change I made because of the rejection was huge for me. And I'm grateful. I'm grateful. And that was late August or early September of 2019. I haven't touched a drop of alcohol or anything since. So and I feel I feel great. I really do. So I think for me, even someone that might seem to someone on the outside like, oh, he's got so much going on. That was really eating me up, and I knew I needed to make a change, and I did, and I feel so much better for that, and I'm grateful.

[8:19] Constantine Maroulis: So when I was doing this series, I reached out to Seth Rodetsky because he knows everyone and knows everyone's stories. And I said, Do you who has good rejection stories? And he told me Ann Harada had a really good one. So next up is the amazing Ann Harada.

[8:37] Kerry Butler: Uh, we all love her from Avenue Q. She's also on many other Broadway shows, but now she's on the TV show Schmigadoon. I think that's how you say it. And I have a funny story after she tells her story.

[8:50] Ann Harada: I don't know if this is a story about rejection so much as it is a story about believing everything people say. It was the early 90s, and I had just moved to Chicago from New York City to live with my boyfriend, who is now my husband. I felt I wanted to pursue the relationship and I would regret it if I didn't try living together. And I told my representatives I would fly back to New York City for any audition they felt was worthwhile.

[9:18] Ann Harada: So, uh, we got a call from Cosby Mysteries and they said there's a part that's just perfect for Ann, but the producers need to see her in person. If she walks through the door, she'll book the part. Okay, so I bought a plane ticket and I came back to New York. I walked through the door, I had a great audition, and I left with great confidence. The next day they called and said they decided to go with someone else. They went with Austin Pendleton.

[9:49] Ann Harada: Austin Pendleton. Really? He's over 20 years older than me. He's not a woman. He's not Asian. I guess we're both short. But come on, that is a big leap from Ann is perfect, and she'll get it if she comes in. Well, years later, I finally met Austin Pendleton and I told him that story. And he said, Oh, you would have been so much better.

[10:16] Ann Harada: So Ann is on Schmigadoon right now. When they were casting that, I got a call from my agents, and they said, uh, they're doing this new show. It's a musical, and Lauren Michaels says we need someone like Kerry Butler. Would Kerry put herself on tape for this? My agent said, if you get it, you're gonna be flying out to California tomorrow, so just be ready. Uh, but you know, you're really their top choice. So I put myself on tape for it. Uh, and I said, you know, actually, who I think would be perfect for this part, Ann Harada.

[10:51] Ann Harada: Cut to Ann Harada getting it. It's always fun when you know the person who gets your part. Thanks for joining us. We'll have more rejection stories coming up here on Breaking Broadway.

[11:14] Kerry Butler: Thank you so much for listening. If you like this podcast and want more episodes, please take a second to rate it. Check out my website, kerrybutlercoach.com for more info on private coaching and teaching at schools. You can follow me on Instagram @kerrybutler1, and visit bpn.fm/breakingbroadway for always to listen, follow, subscribe, hear past episodes of Breaking Broadway, and find out more information. Together, you and I are breaking Broadway.